In the final example in this section, group leaders of a parenting group for men and women must struggle with a number of issues. First, the group is split between mandated clients who have abused their children and are required to attend as part of a child welfare case plan, and another group of clients who have been identified as at-risk for abusive behavior and have been referred by the case managers. Although not involuntary clients, one can understand that they may really be “semi-voluntary” members. Second, the group leaders do not start with a clear idea of group purpose, approaching the group as a course in parenting rather than as a mutual aid support group that includes parenting content. After identifying the illusion of work, particularly on the part of the mandated clients, the workers attempt to re-contract with the group.
Group Purpose: Parent education for clients who have abused their children and for parents who are at risk for abusing and neglecting their children.
Group Members: This group has 13 members, ranging in age from 21 to
35 years old. Eight have been mandated by the Child Protective Services to attend the group as part of their case plan for reunification with their children. The other members have been referred to the group by case managers in the sponsoring agency. These parents received or are presently receiving 60 days of voluntary case management services to prevent the possibility of abuse and neglect of their children. There are three men in the group: a single Caucasian man and two
Latino men who are attending the group with their wives. They are non-voluntary group members. There are four African-American women (two are non-voluntary

members), four Caucasian women (two are non-voluntary members) and one
Southeast Asian woman. The most of the members live in an inner city and are welfare recipients.
Dates Covered in Record: March 7th to April 21st
Group Task:
Problem:
Structure-maintenance
The structure of the group seems to be preventing group members from becoming a mutual aid group with members supporting other members. The following obstacles may have been perpetuating the problem: (1)
Group members were not interviewed by facilitators prior to the first session to screen out members who may not be appropriate due to character logical or substance abuse problems. (2) The mixture of voluntary and non-voluntary members seems to have created two different sets of norms for behavior. (3) The curriculum developed for the group is in a teacher-student format, which has prevented interaction between the group members.
How the Problem Came to My Attention: During the first four sessions the parents would only talk when questions were directed to them by the cofacilitators. They seemed locked into the agenda that was established during the first session for parenting education. The group members were not open to discussing feelings about parenting and did not offer any support to other members. They kept their answers to questions as general as possible so that it could be any parent having difficulty with parenting. I realized that I would have to change the agenda and open each group session with a parent's issue. The

group needed to develop its own leaders rather than having the co-facilitators lead the group.
Summary of the Work:
March 7 (first session)
During this session, the co-facilitators attempted to establish the contract for work. I explained to the group that it was both an education and support group. I stated that I was very much aware the parents need support around parenting because of my experiences in working with parents for the past few years.
I also presented the group with a tentative agenda and told them it had been established as only a guideline for topics because the group would only meet for 10 weeks. I said that the members could change the topics and discuss issues that were more important to them. Specific topics that the parents were interested in that appeared on the agenda were communication, anger, cycles of violence, and ways of coping. I explained that the leaders were not authorities on parenting and also explained that in this state everyone is a mandated reporter in cases of abuse and neglect. I stated that in cases where abuse and neglect had to be reported, we would support the parent as they made the phone call to child protection services.
When we asked the clients for feedback about the contract for the group, several members replied that parent education that teaches specific parenting skills does not work. Also, one of the non-voluntary members stated that she "had to be here." I stated again that I did not intend to teach specific methods but rather

to look at the communication between parent and child and also find ways of having parents meet some of their needs as adults to eliminate some of the stress related to parenting. The session ended with parents seeming more relaxed about attending the group. What I missed was not focusing on the parents' feedback about what topics they were interested in, why they felt parent education classes did not work, and what it feels like when someone tells you that you need to attend parenting classes.
The group leader's retrospective analysis is on target as she identifies the major gaps in the first session and her unwillingness to explore the resistance of the mandated members who had their children removed and the "semi-voluntary" members who may have feared losing their children. Also, the diversity in the group between members and between the group leaders and the members was not recognized as a potential barrier.
While the group members are more active in the second session, one still senses they are saying what they think the group leaders want to hear, thus maintaining an illusion of work.
March 14 (second session)
This session focused on developing a definition for parenting based on the group members' input as to what a parent is expected to do. The purpose was to find a common ground for expectations for parenting roles and stress related to parenting. Parents actively contributed to the definition of parenting and seemed to enjoy the interaction with co-facilitators in developing a written definition for parenting. What the members had developed was an idealistic expectation of their role and responsibility as parents. When I asked if it was realistic, Christy replied

that it was her responsibility to care for her daughter and meet all of her needs physically, emotionally, and socially. When I asked if doing so created stress for her, she had replied yes, and most of the group members agreed with her through nonverbal expressions. Rather than raising the issue of the stress related to parenting that the group members experienced, I said that the next week we would focus on the stress that can occur when parents meet their children's needs and do not address their own needs. Again, I missed the opportunity to have the group members establish the agenda for the group sessions.
March 21 (third session)
Again this session I focused the group on the tentative agenda. The teacher-student format was still present, and I was creating an illusion of work.
The session began with having the parents identify their physical, emotional, and social needs as adults. The members broke into subgroups to identify the physical, emotional, and social needs of children within several developmental age groups.
When the group came back together, the similarity between the lists was noted.
John said that he liked doing that exercise and working with other parents in small groups; he had never done that before. Rather than exploring the issue of working together with other parents, I stayed focused on the stress parents feel when they are trying to meet their children's needs and neglect their own. As with previous sessions, there was nonverbal agreement by the group members. I had missed an opportunity to explore what it meant and how it felt to work together with other parents.

In the next session, the worker moves closer to the realities of the parents by using a check-in to request the problem swapping that was missed in the first three meetings. In retrospect, however, the group leader identifies (hindsight is wonderful) how she had remained in a "teaching" mode.
March 28 (fourth session)
I attempted to get the group more involved by asking a specific question for "check-in”. I asked each member to describe a stressful incident with their child this past week. Every member was able to describe an incident. Rather than trying to find a common concern for all the parents or staying with the specifics of one incident, I moved from the specific and generalized stress to the cycle of violence and how stressful incidents can be dealt with either through discipline or punishment that included both abuse and neglect. Again, I went into a teacher format and asked parents about the different ways children are abused both physically and verbally. The group members willingly contributed to developing another list.
Diane stated that she neglected her children by allowing them to do anything that they wanted because they would not listen to her. Rather than exploring this issue further and exploring it with other group members, I ended the session with asking the group members what they would like to work on next week because it was parents' choice. Samantha said that she would like to work on communication with her child because he does not listen to her, only and only listens to her mother. The other group members were in agreement. This time the group is asking me to listen to them.

In the next session, the group leader both apologizes to the members and redefines the nature of the work as a mutual aid group focusing on specific examples of the stresses they face. In many ways, the group leader is modeling for the members how one catches a mistake and goes back and tries again - one of the skills the parents need to master.
After a brief silence, a group member accepts the worker's invitation, and the real work begins.
April 7 (fifth session)
I began this session by apologizing to the group. They had been telling me about stressful issues in their lives and I was not listening to them. I asked if they would be more willing to discuss one or two specific stressful incidents for parents rather than have everyone talk about a specific incident during check-in and not having the time to explore what can be done to change it. My question was met with silence. Christy broke the silence by telling me that her boyfriend told her she can't parent and the parenting classes were not doing her any good.
She went on to say that she thought he was right; her daughter had got a knife off the kitchen table and could have hurt herself if she (Christy) wasn't there. Audrey described an incident when her children got into her medication for seizures and although she caught them before there was any harm, she spent most of the day crying because they could have been hurt. It seems that when children are not safe, you question your ability to parent.
Lori stated that her mother blames her when her baby cries and takes over caring for the baby: "She won't show me how to parent; I'm really mad at her." I said that this sounds similar to the issue that Samantha brought up last week about

her child listening to her mother and not listening to her. I asked if she ever told her mother how she feels. She said, "I try to, but she won't listen." Rose talked about her experience with trying to tell her mother her feeling about her mother taking over responsibility for raising her five children. She said it did not work.
Diane said, "I told my mother I'd raise my own children, she raised hers." Mary agreed with her (both Diane and Mary are non-voluntary clients).
The session ended with my summarizing the session, stating that there seems to be lots of doubt about ability to parent and also anger toward people who take over parenting roles rather than helping us. I stated that next week we can discuss what it feels like when people tell us, both verbally and nonverbally, that we can't parent. Also, there is the expectation that we should know how to parent because we have children. Christy said that next week we are supposed to finish cycles of violence. I replied that this issue seems to be a concern for most of the members. Before I could get a consensus from group members about the topic, the non-voluntary members had left in unison; they were not going to stay one minute beyond the ending time. It seems that I have touched on the taboo subject and there is ambivalence about discussing it.
As the re-contracting starts to move the group into real work, one group member raises the issues of confidentiality and authority. Although addressed briefly in the opening statement of the first session, the concerns reemerge as the group prepares to move into the work phase. It is important for the worker to revisit this part of the contract
(working agreement) since unless surfaced it will remain a significant block to the work.
In addition, the clear signals from the non-voluntary members must also be addressed.

Note how the members indirectly raise these issues in the pre-meeting chatter. While the worker describes this as prior to the group session in reality it is the beginning of the session.
April 14 (sixth session)
The conversation prior to the group session was, "Who is your child protection worker?" with Mary saying, "My worker must call every week to make sure I am here." I addressed the issue and said that I contacted the child protection workers when someone was not in the group. I also told them that their workers were only informed about attendance and subjects discussed in the group.
Because I do not work with each one of them individually in their homes, I do not know if the things discussed in the group were being used in the home.
I brought up the issue of doubts about parenting, and Brenda replied that she could parent and did not know why she was here. Samantha said that she sometimes doubts her ability to parent because her son does not listen to her, only her mother: "it seems like he's trying to get me”. He always acts up when we get in the store." Diana said people start criticizing you when your children don't behave. I said it seems like you're embarrassed that you can't do what people expect you to do. Brenda said that she would just leave the store. Samantha said that she promises to buy him something when she finishes if he behaves, and
Diana says she does the same thing too, but most of the time she feels like her children are trying to get to her too. Samantha said that she was about ready to give up. She can't do it all by herself. She needs to be both mother and father because her son's father died when he was two weeks old. She also stated that she

almost lost her son to spinal meningitis at age one and that he is now on meds for hyperactivity and they don't work. She also said that he has learning disabilities and acts like he is three but he's almost six; she needs to protect him. I replied that with all had happened to her and her son it would be normal to be protective.
Samantha replied that she spoiled him, and now she has no time for herself.
Diana stated that she spoiled her firstborn and that's why she can't deal with him. She said she held him all the time. She said that he also slept with her because she was afraid of crib death, and at age five he still wants to sleep with her. Samantha said she did the same thing because she wanted to protect her child.
Maryann said that she spoils her seven-month-old daughter: she holds her all the time and buys her pretty dresses. "She cries every time I put her down; she's spoiled." I said that it seems that the children have responded to your need to protect them and learned behavior that will get your attention. My co-facilitator stated that it may be time to set some limits on children's behavior. I stated that it may be time to take a few minutes for yourself as a parent and teach the child to engage in activities for short periods of time without you. Samantha stated that she was willing to give it a try.
Lori brought the subject back to her mother spoiling her three-month-old baby: she won't let him cry, and holds him all the time. Because the session was coming to an end, I asked the group if they would be willing to help Lori work through issues with her mother because she has brought the topic up during several sessions and we never seem to get to it. The group agreed that it would be fine.

April 21 (seventh session)
Although the contract for the session was for helping Lori to deal with her mother's taking over her parenting role, Christy began the session by telling the group members that her boyfriend does not help her with caring for her daughter.
The rest of the group fell into the same conversation. Audrey stated that she made sure her children knew their father, but he never helped with raising them. She also reported that her mother did not help her either and that she needed her help because she had a stroke and lost mobility in her right side. Diane said that she always found losers for boyfriends who expected her to take care of them. Lori stated that she had bought alcohol and drugs for the father of her baby.
At this point in the meeting a group theme of lack of support has emerged.
However, the worker is concerned about following through with the apparent agreement the previous week to help Lori with her specific concerns. Rather than just stating the dilemma and asking the group to address it, the leader switches the conversation back to
Lori. In response, the group members scapegoat Lori, who they feel has more than enough support as compared to themselves. This scapegoating process, in retrospect, is also a form of communication to the leader.
I stated that there seems to be a lot going on about receiving support from others, but I told Lori that we would look at her issue with her mother this week.
(What I missed was the connection between all the support that Lori gets from her mother and how the other group members do not feel supported in their relationships with significant others.) When I asked Lori how her relationship with her mother was this past week, she said that it was resolved but that her sister

refused to help her with the baby: "She's on school vacation this week, and she should be helping." She said her sister refused to get her something she needed when she was changing the baby. Brenda said, "You should be able to care for the baby by yourself, I did." Christy said that you need to get everything ready to change the baby before you do it. Lori was being scapegoated, and I immediately went to protect her. I said, "It sounds as if Lori is being attacked. Do you ever remember a time when you tried to do something for your first child and did not have everything you needed?" What I missed was the connection between the group and Lori. Most of the group members did not feel that they had someone to help them with caring for their children. It may have been more effective to ask,
"How many of us would have liked to have someone available to help us with caring for the baby?"
Where the Problem Stands Now:
The group members are now interacting with each other and are no longer looking to the facilitators to dominate the group discussions. Also, individuals within the group are taking various roles during their interactions. There still seems to be a split between voluntary and non-voluntary members. The voluntary members are more open to discussing issues and feelings.
Several non-voluntary members have taken roles that prevent the group from moving into discussing taboo subjects any further. Brenda frequently takes either a defensive member role or gatekeeper role to prevent the group from moving on to the taboo subject of abuse and neglect. Mary has been the quiet member since the group began. Both Diane and Mary knew each other before the

start of group, and although Diane has begun to open up in the group, about halfway through each session she turns away from the group and writes in her notebook or stares out the window. John is the deviant member; he arrives late to every group session and acts as if it is not necessary for him to be there. It's as if he speaks for all the other non-voluntary clients. The group has come together with its own agenda, but as it stands now, there is still some ambivalence about interpersonal relationships for some members.
Specific Next Steps:

I need to address the issue of the relationship between voluntary and nonvoluntary members by expressing my feelings about what is going on and how they are working together.

I also need to be aware of how individuals within the group are playing roles to prevent the group from discussing taboo subjects and use supportive confrontation so the group can develop a new set of norms that support the parents in working on their issues with their children.

I need to tune in to my own feelings about confrontation, knowing from my own experiences that I avoid confrontation and tend to be a caregiver and gatekeeper in my own personal life.

I will continue to tune in prior to each group session and process the group after each group session. Without doing this, I know that I miss the interactions that prevent the group from forming a culture that is needed to address taboo areas, as well as power and intimacy themes.


I will also ask myself, "Whose agenda is the group working on?" knowing that I have a tendency to push my own agenda.