The Inner City’s New Home is in my Inner Heart
By Melissa Dodge
My first day at my first urban field placement is coming to an end and I am already aware that
the experiences I am about to have this semester will change who I am and how I am. I have to admit
that I was anxious about my urban field placement. I grew up in a relatively sheltered area and even
after venturing in other parts of our country and living in the south for a while I maintained my life in a
sheltered bubble. When I pictured myself in an urban field placement I thought of rough and tough kids
who would be dripping with disrespect and attitude. I entered my field placement in Pontiac ready to
be firm, to be strict and to learn how to lay down the law. Nothing could have prepared me for the
children I was about to meet and the feeling and thoughts that would pass through my heart and mind
as I left this afternoon.
Slowly students started arriving, around when school started. Smiling and generally in good
spirits the students began on their morning worksheet. I took this opportunity to walk around to try and
acquaint myself with some of the students. The charter school where I am doing my field placement
requires a dress code and I noticed that students were not in violation in it, they’re clothing was of
appropriate color and style. However, the garments some of these children wore were beyond what
one would call filthy. Did the little boy with the soiled face, shirt and pants mind? No. He smiled; he
played and worked on his worksheet with a great demeanor. This little boy was not any different from
his classmates who instead of smirks and sneaky agendas had only two things on his mind, attention and
affection.
I become a very rich woman today, rich in hugs, hand holds and smiles. Compliments flowed
from the mouths of these children and they could not get enough of me or my attention. Some thought
my earrings were pretty, others admired my nail polish and one little girl even wanted to feel my “soft
hair.” Students knew me for minutes and wanted to hug me, be near me and show me the work they
had done in school. These kindergartners are fountains of love, without question or judgment.
The world is so much different for my students than it is for me, than it was for me as a child.
My eyes have been opened, and opened wide. One of my students came late to class. In her black
pants and button down black shirt she skipped on the way to the parking lot. “I was late to school
today,” she shared with me and her fellow classmates, “I went to my cousin’s funeral, he was shot in the
head…he’s fourteen.” It took a lot to hold back my shock and the tears that welled up in my eyes soon
after her statement was made, I was thankful for the sunglasses that hid my teary eyes. I looked around
at my nearby students and they were not fazed by this little girl’s news, nor was she.
As I spoke with my cooperating teacher at recess my heart only continued to break for our
students. He explained that last year 10% of the school’s population was homeless, and this year times
are even worse. Every student has a suitcase filled with hardships and baggage but, as my cooperating
teacher explained to help them you have to still expect our students to perform. As teachers we have to
hold them accountable, no matter what troubles these children may have going on in their lives. My
cooperating teacher explained that in this “inner city” environment we have to harden our hearts into
stone to an extent, because if we do not, we will go home every night depressed and just weep
ourselves away.
As a field student I do not have any practice or understanding of this hardening of the heart and
in the privacy of my car and company of good friends from my cohort the tears dripped down. I
wanted to help all of them, make it all better and it killed me that I couldn’t.
In seek of advice and support I e-mailed a professor from a previous semester at OU and his
encouraging words are helping. He has suggested talking about it, seeking support from those in similar
situations, reading inspiring books and watching inspiring movies, even going to a museum to view some
art and be reminded of the beauty that is in our world. Well, I am taking my professor’s advice and here
I am, talking about it and sharing it with you.
The students I have this semester at my field placement all have such hardships and yet, it is all
they have ever known; to them, it is not hard, it is life. For me, I see this as an emotional and hopefully
strengthening semester ahead. I must remind myself that this pull on my heart, this ache I feel inside of
me, is the reason I am meant to become an educator; a difference in the lives of children, and this
semester, the lives of these children in my field placement.