Cureton, University of Wolverhampton 2011
Mentors’ Workbook
How to be the best you can be!
This work book provides information about mentoring relationships; it includes
exercises to consolidate your prior experience and gained knowledge, opportunities to
reflect and develop your mentoring practice.
Assumptions
We all make assumptions; it is a natural part of our thinking and is a short cut
ensures that we are able to operate in the world without have to analyse our every
interaction in minute detail. In mentoring we need to mindful of how we work with
assumptions. Look at the photo’ provided and consider the questions in exercise
one.
Exercise one
From what you have seen,
tell me who I am.
What is your first impression of me?
What do I do?
What is my home life like?
What are my interests?
What do I do for pleasure?
What are my ambitions?
What sort of house do I live in?
What are my ideologies?
How old am I?
How do I relax?
Where am I from?
What else do you know about me?
A lot of the assumption that we make are correct and are a product of our past
learning and experiences. This can have both positive and negative influence on
interactions that we have with other people.
How many of your assumptions were true?
10% 25% 50% 75% 90% 100%
Where do you think your assumptions come from?
Take one of your assumptions and trace where it came from.
 You may wish to consider factors such as past
experience, thing you have been told, rumours as well as
other sources?
How do you reality check the assumptions you make?
How do you check to find out if your assumptions are correct?
How do you know when you are making assumptions?
 What are your triggers or cues that indicate to you that
you are making assumptions that could be colouring your
perceptions of a person or situation?
Building Rapport
Building rapport is an important part of encouraging a good mentoring relationship
to develop. Rapport building involves many aspects
Exercise Two
What aspects allowed rapport to be easily built?
You may wish to think about:
 attitudes,
 behaviours,
 thoughts,
 environments,
 values,
 personal ethics,
 communication patters/styles
 as well as other aspects.
Exercise Three
What aspects were barriers to rapport to be easily built?
Again you may wish to think about:
 attitudes,
 behaviours,
 thoughts,
 environments,
 values,
 personal ethics,
 communication patters/styles
 as well as other aspects.
What behaviours, attitudes, thoughts, values, personal ethics,
environmental issues, communication styles do you want to
implement when building rapport with your mentee?
How do you intend to implement these into your mentoring
relationship?
Communications Styles
Everyone has their own communication style and will have some commonalities with
other people. One way of looking at commonality and differences in communication
is to look at how personality types impact on how we speak, communicate nonverbally, the modes of communication that we like to use and how we listen.
Ask you self these questions
1. Am I an introvert or extrovert?
2. I am task focused or I am person focused?
Then plot where you would fall on this graph comprising of
two continuum.
Extrovert
Dominant (Drivers)
Inspirers
Task
Focused
Person
Focused
Compliant (Constructors)
Steadfast (Supporters)
Introvert
DISC – Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, Compliance
Values to the organisation:
D - Accomplishing results in spite of opposition or antagonistic circumstances
I - Influencing people to act positively and favourable
S – Steadiness in performing work to consistently produce in a predictable manner
C – Compliance with policy and standards to avoid error, conflict and danger
Management Style:
D – Directive
I – Motivating
S – Organising
C – Rule enforcement
Sales/Negotiation:
D – Closing a sale
I – Opening/presenting/relationship building
S – Service and support
C – Details and features
What they want and need:
D – Freedom and authority. Power, Material rewards
I – Popularity. Good relationships. Favourable Working conditions. Group activities.
Prestige and title.
S – Appreciation. Sincerity. Structure. Secure environment. Recognition for loyal
service
C – An ordered environment. Reassurance. All the facts. Personal attention. No
change for change’s sake
What they fear:
D – Failure
I – Rejection
S – Insecurity
C – Conflict
DISC – “People like People like Them”
How to modify your behaviour to respect the other’s style:
Dos for D’s
Focus on facts not feelings. Negotiate. Focus on business. Challenge them
Don’ts for D’s
Tell them what to do. Give too much detail or too many rules. Take too long to tell
them things
Dos for I’s
Ask how they are feeling. Recognise their ideas or input. Talk opinions and ideas.
Recognise them
Don’ts for I’s
Argue. Allow them to lose respect or self-worth. Talk facts without feelings
Dos for S’s
Ask them questions and listen. Support them. Use a steady pace. Offer guarantees.
Appreciate them
Don’ts for S’s
Introduce rapid change. Change routine or environment. Rush them
Dos for C’s
Provide proof. Be systematic and organised. Give things in writing. Protect them by
giving rules
Don’ts for C’s
Leave out the details. Be too general. Rush decisions or make sudden changes
Dominance
 Love is a challenge
 May be considered reckless by some
 Always ready for a competition
 Respect for authority and responsibility
 Will continually work long hours in order to resolve problems
 At their best when something is at stake
 Direct, positive and straightforward
 Can be blunt and even sarcastic – although not grudge holders
 Like to be in the spotlight
 May hurt others’ feelings without realising it
 Can be bullies and over-ride others
 Often overstep authority
 Early in career may change jobs often because of ambition
 Interested in the unusual and adventurous
 Self-starters with a wide range of interests and prefer an ever-changing
environment
 Most lose interest in a project when the challenge is gone and prefer others
to complete the job
 Continually seek new horizons
 Dissatisfied and impatient – spread themselves thinly
 Resourceful and able to adapt in many situations
Influencer
 Outgoing, persuasive and gregarious
 Usually optimistic and see good in most situations
 Mainly interested in people, their problems and their activities
 Willing to help others promote projects as well as their own
 May sometimes lose sight of business naturally
 Become intimate and on first name terms at first meeting, with the warmth
of a life-long friendship
 Will know LOADS of people
 May be name-droppers
 May make decisions based on surface analysis or emotional impulse
 Trust and accept people and motivate people to the kind of behaviour they
desire in them
 Believe they can persuade and motivate people to the kind of behaviour they
desire in them
 Can switch sides of an argument without showing any signs of inconsistency
 Perform well with poise and smoothness
 PR and promotion are natural to them
 May have difficulty disciplining others
Steadiness
 Amiable, easy-going, contented and relaxed
 Undemonstrative and controlled










Not explosive or easily triggered so may conceal grievances and be grudgeholders
Like to build close relationships with relatively small number of close friends
Patient and deliberate
Good neighbours and always willing to help friends
Strive to maintain “status quo”
Do not welcome sudden or unexpected change
Can follow work pattern with unending patience
Protective of close associates for whom they develop strong attachments
Operate well as members of a team
Co-ordinate efforts with others with rhythm and ease
Compliance
 Peaceful, adapt themselves to situations to avoid antagonism
 Sensitive and see appreciation
 Can easily be hurt by others
 Loyal, humble and non-aggressive
 Do their very best at whatever is expected of them
 Cautious and conservative
 Only make decisions when they have all available information
 Often display a good sense of timing and shrewdness in selecting the right
decision
 Go to great lengths to avoid conflict
 Strive for a stable, ordered life
 Follow procedures in their work and home life
 Systematic thinkers and workers
 Precise and attentive to detail
 Orderly and predetermined
 Stick to what they know works
What is your communication style?
What is the pace, tone and intonation of your voice like?
What mode of communication do your prefer?
 Face to face, email, telephone, text, virtual
What is the percentage of listening to talking that you do?
What group would you communicate best with?
Which group would you struggle to communicate with?
 What changes to your communication could you
make to bridge this gap?
What is your communication style?
What are the positives of your communication style?
What are the negatives of your communication style?
What aspects of your communication style blend with other
communication styles?
Visual, Audio, Kinaesthetic (VAK)
Languages
We all process information differently. Some of us are visually and process
information better if we see it, some process information better if they hear it,
others process best through action. This preference is often see in the language we
us. For example, people who are visual will often use lots of ‘vision and seeing’
references in the language they use. Below are some examples of VAK languages.
Add in other statements that you know of into the appropriate boxes, to help build
your repertoire of VAK statements.
Languages
Types of word that are used
Visual language:
Look, picture, imagination, insight, scene, blank,
visualisation, perspective, shine, reflect, clarify, examine,
eye, focus, forsee, illusion, notice, outlook, preview, see,
show, survey, vision, watch, reveal, hazy, dark,
appearance, brilliant, colourful, dim, glimpse, highlight,
illustrate, insight, obscure, overshadow, overview,
sparkle, spotlight, vivid, mirror
Auditory language
Say accent rhythm loud tone resonate sound
monotonous deaf ask auditable pitch clear discuss
proclaim cry remark listen ring shout sigh squeak
speechless click croak vocal whisper tell silence dissonant
hum hush mute harmonious shrill quiet dumb question
rumble comment call melodious tone whine harmony
deaf tune musical acoustic buzz cackle dialogue echo
growl
Kinaesthetic language
Touch handle balance break cold feel firm grab contact
grasp push rub hard hit tickle tight solid hot jump
pressure run warm rough tackle seize push sharp
pressure sensitive stress soft sticky stuck tap tangible
tension vibrate touch walk concrete gentle grasp hold
scrape solid suffer heavy smooth

Olfactory branch
language
Scented smelly stale fishy fragrant, nosey smoky fresh
musky

Gustatory branch
language
Sour bitter salty juicy sweet spicy toothsome mouthwatering minty nausea nauseating sugary gall succulent
chew chewy
VAK Exercise
General Statement
Visual Statement
Auditory Statement
Kinaesthetic Statement
I don’t understand
I’m in the dark
Write your own
example here
That is all Greek to me
Write your own
example here
I can’t make head or tail
of it
Write your own example
here
I don’t know
It’s not clear yet
Write your own
example here
I can’t tell if that’s right
Write your own
example here
I don’t have a handle on
that idea
Write your own
example here
I understand
I see what you mean
I get the picture
Write your own
example here
That rings a bell
Write your own
example here
That feels right
I get your drift
Write your own
example here
I think
My view is…
Write your own
example here
Something tells me…..
Write your own
example here
I hold these views
Write your own
example here
I’m confused
This is all a mess
It’s too obscure
Write your own
example here
There is no rhyme or
reason to this
It sounds crazy
Write your own
example here
I can’t get a grip
None of this fits
Write your own
example here
VAK Learning Styles Self-Assessment Questionnaire
Circle or tick the answer that most represents how you generally behave.
(It’s best to complete the questionnaire before reading the accompanying explanation.)
1. When I operate new equipment I generally:
a) read the instructions first
b) listen to an explanation from someone who has used it before
c) go ahead and have a go, I can figure it out as I use it
2. When I need directions for travelling I usually:
a) look at a map
b) ask for spoken directions
c) follow my nose and maybe use a compass
3. When I cook a new dish, I like to:
a) follow a written recipe
b) call a friend for an explanation
c) follow my instincts, testing as I cook
4. If I am teaching someone something new, I tend to:
a) write instructions down for them
b) give them a verbal explanation
c) demonstrate first and then let them have a go
5. I tend to say:
a) watch how I do it
b) listen to me explain
c) you have a go
6. During my free time I most enjoy:
a) going to museums and galleries
b) listening to music and talking to my friends
c) playing sport or doing DIY
7. When I go shopping for clothes, I tend to:
a) imagine what they would look like on
b) discuss them with the shop staff
c) try them on and test them out
8. When I am choosing a holiday I usually:
a) read lots of brochures
b) listen to recommendations from friends
c) imagine what it would be like to be there
9. If I was buying a new car, I would:
a) read reviews in newspapers and magazines
b) discuss what I need with my friends
c) test-drive lots of different types
10. When I am learning a new skill, I am most comfortable:
a) watching what the teacher is doing
b) talking through with the teacher exactly what I’m supposed to do
c) giving it a try myself and work it out as I go
11. If I
a)
b)
c)
am choosing food off a menu, I tend to:
imagine what the food will look like
talk through the options in my head or with my partner
imagine what the food will taste like
12. When I listen to a band, I can’t help:
a) watching the band members and other people in the audience
b) listening to the lyrics and the beats
c) moving in time with the music
13. When I concentrate, I most often:
a) focus on the words or the pictures in front of me
b) discuss the problem and the possible solutions in my head
c) move around a lot, fiddle with pens and pencils and touch things
14. I choose household furnishings because I like:
a) their colours and how they look
b) the descriptions the sales-people give me
c) their textures and what it feels like to touch them
15. My
a)
b)
c)
first memory is of:
looking at something
being spoken to
doing something
16. When I am anxious, I:
a) visualise the worst-case scenarios
b) talk over in my head what worries me most
c) can’t sit still, fiddle and move around constantly
17. I feel especially connected to other people because of:
a) how they look
b) what they say to me
c) how they make me feel
18. When I have to revise for an exam, I generally:
a) write lots of revision notes and diagrams
b) talk over my notes, alone or with other people
c) imagine making the movement or creating the formula
19. If I
a)
b)
c)
am explaining to someone I tend to:
show them what I mean
explain to them in different ways until they understand
encourage them to try and talk them through my idea as they do it
20. I really love:
a) watching films, photography, looking at art or people watching
b) listening to music, the radio or talking to friends
c) taking part in sporting activities, eating fine foods and wines or dancing
21. Most of my free time is spent:
a) watching television
b) talking to friends
c) doing physical activity or making things
22. When I first contact a new person, I usually:
a) arrange a face to face meeting
b) talk to them on the telephone
c) try to get together whilst doing something else, such as an activity or a meal
23. I first notice how people:
a) look and dress
b) sound and speak
c) stand and move
24. If I
a)
b)
c)
am angry, I tend to:
keep replaying in my mind what it is that has upset me
raise my voice and tell people how I feel
stamp about, slam doors and physically demonstrate my anger
25. I find it easiest to remember:
a) faces
b) names
c) things I have done
26. I think that you can tell if someone is lying if:
a) they avoid looking at you
b) their voices changes
c) they give me funny vibes
27. When I meet an old friend:
a) I say “it’s great to see you!”
b) I say “it’s great to hear from you!”
c) I give them a hug or a handshake
28. I remember things best by:
a) writing notes or keeping printed details
b) saying them aloud or repeating words and key points in my head
c) doing and practising the activity or imagining it being done
29. If I
a)
b)
c)
have to complain about faulty goods, I am most comfortable:
writing a letter
complaining over the phone
taking the item back to the store or posting it to head office
30. I tend to say:
a) I see what you mean
b) I hear what you are saying
c) I know how you feel
Now add up how many A’s, B’s and C’s you selected.
A’s =
B’s =
C’s =
If you chose mostly A’s you have a VISUAL learning style.
If you chose mostly B’s you have an AUDITORY learning style.
If you chose mostly C’s you have a KINAESTHETIC learning style.
Some people find that their learning style may be a blend of two or three styles, in this case
read about the styles that apply to you in the explanation below.
When you have identified your learning style(s), read the learning styles explanations and
consider how this might help you to identify learning and development that best meets your
preference(s).
Now see the VAK Learning Styles Explanation.
VAK Learning Styles Explanation
The VAK learning styles model suggests that most people can be divided into one of three
preferred styles of learning. These three styles are as follows, (and there is no right or wrong
learning style):

Someone with a Visual learning style has a preference for seen or observed things,
including pictures, diagrams, demonstrations, displays, handouts, films, flip-chart,
etc. These people will use phrases such as ‘show me’, ‘let’s have a look at that’ and
will be best able to perform a new task after reading the instructions or watching
someone else do it first. These are the people who will work from lists and written
directions and instructions.

Someone with an Auditory learning style has a preference for the transfer of
information through listening: to the spoken word, of self or others, of sounds and
noises. These people will use phrases such as ‘tell me’, ‘let’s talk it over’ and will be
best able to perform a new task after listening to instructions from an expert. These
are the people who are happy being given spoken instructions over the telephone,
and can remember all the words to songs that they hear!

Someone with a Kinaesthetic learning style has a preference for physical
experience - touching, feeling, holding, doing, practical hands-on experiences. These
people will use phrases such as ‘let me try’, ‘how do you feel?’ and will be best able
to perform a new task by going ahead and trying it out, learning as they go. These
are the people who like to experiment, hands-on, and never look at the instructions
first!
People commonly have a main preferred learning style, but this will be part of a blend of all
three. Some people have a very strong preference; other people have a more even mixture
of two or less commonly, three styles.
When you know your preferred learning style(s) you understand the type of learning that
best suits you. This enables you to choose the types of learning that work best for you.
There is no right or wrong learning style. The point is that there are types of learning that are
right for your own preferred learning style.
Please note that this is not a scientifically validated testing instrument – it is a free
assessment tool designed to give a broad indication of preferred learning style(s).
More information about learning styles, personality, and personal development is at
www.businessballs.com.
With acknowledgements to Victoria Chislett for developing this assessment.
What do you need to remember about VAK and
communication?
How will you implement VAK into your mentoring practice?
What do you need to remember about my listening style?
How are you going to apply this to my mentoring
relationships?
Non-Verbal Communication
Our non-verbal communication is just as important as your verbal communication.
However, when we use non-verbal communication we must remember that we need
to take a BASELINE of the mentees normal non-verbal communication. We also
must remember that non-verbal communication are hints and not definitive, so use
non-verbal cues as a hint to ask a question referring to the mentee’s physical or
psychological wellbeing.
Breathing –
The rate of breathing changes if anxious or upset.
Adapters Behaviours that denote stress, anxiety or distress, for example,
tugging at ears, playing with one’s hair, clicking a pen etc.
Sweating -
Sweating more than normal is a sign of anxiety or distress
Eye Contact - Lack of eye contact can indicate that a person is telling lies or is
distressed. Eye movement can also denote the type of information an individual is
processing and how. (See eye accessing cues below).
Leakage Movement below the waist, which includes foot tapping, leg
movement or crossing, is known as leakage and may be a sign of distress.
Indicators - Indicate of a person’s state. Tearfulness suggests distress; doodling
on a piece of paper can indicate boredom etc.
Nodding Nodding can suggest two things. 1) agreement with what is being
said; 2) it can denote a person is falling asleep. Make sure not to confuse one with
the other!
Expressiveness Facial expressions suggest a person’s emotional state.
However, facial expression and their interpretation are governed by cultural
differences and this should be recognised if judging emotional state from
expressiveness.
Space Interpersonal space can indicate how comfortable people feel in the
presence of others. The closer they sit or lean toward the other, the more
comfortable they feel. Again interpersonal space is governed by cultural norms and
this should be recognised.
What do I need to remember about NVC?
How are you going to use NVC in your mentoring practice?
Listening Skills
Nancy Kline ‘Time to Think’
In her book ‘Time to Think’, Nancy Kline (1999) suggests that in order to generate
development in others we need to create a thinking environment. By providing a
thinking environment, a mentor’s listening skills are enhanced, which allows the
mentee to think more effectively. Although we all like to think our thoughts are
novel and unique, often we think the same things over and over again. Thus we
apply the same solutions to all the problems we encounter. The thinking
environment equips mentees with the opportunity to expand beyond their normal
thinking patterns. The approach has two underlying principles:
Attentive and respectful listening encourages people to think for themselves
When a person’s thinking becomes blocked, s/he is usually making an assumption.
These assumptions are often treated as the truth and result in blockages to progress.
How do I create a thinking environment?
 Pay attention to mentees and listen to what they are saying.
 Create a situation where there is equal thinking time for mentor and mentee.
 Generate a relaxed atmosphere.
 Show appreciation of mentees’ own thoughts on a situation.
 Give encouragement at all stages of the mentoring relationship.
 Respect mentees’ feelings.
 Provide information whenever possible. Withholding information is intellectually
damaging.
 Encourage diversity in thoughts and approaches to problem solving
 Use Incisive Questions TM to identify or remove assumptive thinking, which
causes blockages if it occurs during the thinking and decision making process.
 Create an environment conducive to talking confidentially, to active listening,
and for thinking to occur.
Questioning Skills
There are lots of different types of questions; each facilitates a different type and
level of response. Before you ask your mentee a question you need to ask yourself
three questions:



Do I want my mentee to think about something but not necessarily give me
an answer or detailed answer?
Do I want my mentee to give me general or specific information about the
topic of conversation?
Which aspect of the topic do I need to discuss with my mentee?
Closed vs Open Questions
Closed questions often facilitate one word, yes or no type answers. These, however,
often encourage a mentee to think about a situation and are very effective when
discussing a sensitive topic that a mentee may not want to discuss openly.
Open questions encourage a mentee to discuss a topic. These discussions might be
general and wide ranging, or detailed and specific to one area. If you want to ask an
open question the TED formula below might help
TED
Tell me
Explain to me
Describe to me
You might also wish to use summarising to encourage your mentee to discuss an
issue further in a general way. Summarising is also a useful if a mentor is emotional
about a situation. This approach allows your mentee to tell their story and for your
to check your understanding of that story. You might wish to use the SAM formula
below when summarising.
SAM
So, you are saying….
Am I right in thinking that you said…..
My understanding of what you have said is…..
When asking questions, it is nature to ask ‘why?’ However, this question might not
engage mentees as well as you would like it to. ‘Why?’ can appear to negatively
questioning motive or judgemental. The reason why not to use ‘why?’ is outlined
below
Why Not ‘Why’?
Will possibly make people defensive, because it
Has the potential to appear confrontational, negative or judgemental and
You may appear aggressive
If you want to ask ‘why?’ and can’t think of another way to structure your question,
try adding ‘why?’ to the end of a TED opening to the question.
Depth of Questioning
There are three level of question depth: General, exploratory and crunch question.
General questions are open questions that allow the mentee to wander through a lot
of information.
Exploratory questions are also open questions that encourage mentees to discuss a
specific aspect of their story in more depth. These are best applied when you have
identified something that is key to the mentee issues.
Crunch question can be open or closed questions, but are structured in a way that
makes you mentee think. These are most effective when you have got the nub of an
issue. Crunch questions should encourage a shift in the your mentee’s view of
situation.
Home Work
Vignette: Aneeta joined the University of Wolverhampton 18 months ago. She has
10 years of experience in administration and has been promoted several times
through her career. She is now has a senior administration role. During her time at
the University, Aneeta has been studying a Master’s Degree in Business
administration. She admires the ways her lectures engage with the students and
deliver the material the students are required to learn. This has inspired her and she
would like to work towards becoming a lecturer. You have been asked to mentor
Aneeta to help her with this aim. Before attending your first session with Aneeta
you decide to prepare some questions for your meeting.
What general, exploratory questions and crunch questions might you ask her?
General Questions
1.
2.
3.
Exploratory Questions
1.
2.
3.
Crunch Questions
1.
2.
3.
There are other things that are useful to consider when constructing questions,
including: VAK languages and language that is consistent with different personality
types.
Exercise four
How might you change the questions presented to other VAK
languages?
Visual People
Auditory People
Kinaesthetic People
Exercise five
How might you ask these questions to D. I. S. C. people?
Drivers (Dominant)
Inspirers
Supporters (Steadfast)
Constructors (Compliant)
What do you want to remember about questioning?
How are you going to use this in your mentoring
relationships?
Stages of Mentoring
Megginson,
Megginson, Garvey
Garvey and
and Stokes
Stokes (2006)
(2006)
Zachary (2000)
Zachary (2000)
Peer
Peer Mentoring
Mentoring Model
Model
North American Model
North American Model
Stage
Stage One—Rapport
One—Rapport Building
Building Stage.
Stage. Here
Here the
the
mentor
and
mentee
explore
whether
they
can
mentor and mentee explore whether they can
work
work together.
together. They
They focus
focus on
on building
building rapport
rapport
through
exploring
their
perceptions
through exploring their perceptions and
and
alignment
of
values
(especially
on
a
personal
alignment of values (especially on a personal
level),
level), how
how to
to build
build mutual
mutual respect,
respect, agreement
agreement
about
the
purpose
of
the
mentoring
relationship
about the purpose of the mentoring relationship
and
and alignment
alignment of
of expectations
expectations of
of roles
roles and
and
behaviour.
behaviour.
Preparation - It is important that mentors
Preparation - It is important that mentors
prepare themselves for their mentoring
prepare themselves for their mentoring
relationship. This should include considering
relationship. This should include considering
where they mentor, what behaviours they
where they mentor, what behaviours they
demonstrate, the skills they used, the beliefs
demonstrate, the skills they used, the beliefs
and values they have that may enable or
and values they have that may enable or
hinder the mentoring relationship, their
hinder the mentoring relationship, their
personal identity and their identity as a
personal identity and their identity as a
mentor, and how being a mentor impacts on
mentor, and how being a mentor impacts on
their wider word.
their wider word.
Stage
Stage Two—Goal
Two—Goal Setting
Setting Stage.
Stage. Although
Although the
the
initiation
initiation of
of the
the relationship
relationship involves
involves at
at least
least aa
sense
sense of
of purpose,
purpose, at
at this
this stage
stage mentor
mentor and
and
mentee
clarify
and
refine
what
the
relationship
mentee clarify and refine what the relationship
should
should achieve
achieve on
on both
both sides.
sides. They
They begin
begin the
the
process
of
linking
the
medium
to
long
term
goals
process of linking the medium to long term goals
with
with what
what happens
happens on
on aa day
day to
to day
day basis.
basis. The
The
process
of
rapport
building
continues
as
they
process of rapport building continues as they
explore
explore tactical
tactical responses
responses to
to some
some of
of the
the issues
issues
raised.
raised.
Stage
Stage Three—Core
Three—Core Stage/
Stage/ Progression.
Progression. While
While
rapport
building
and
goal
rapport building and goal setting
setting can
can be
be
accomplished
in
a
few
meetings,
the
progression
accomplished in a few meetings, the progression
stage
lasts about
about 6
6 months.
months. Mentor
Mentor and
and
stage typically
typically lasts
mentee
become
more
relaxed
about
challenge
mentee become more relaxed about challenge
each
each other,
other, explore
explore issues
issues more
more deeply
deeply and
and
experience
mutual
learning.
The
mentee
takes
experience mutual learning. The mentee takes
more
more of
of the
the lead
lead in
in managing
managing the
the relationship
relationship
and
the
mentoring
process.
and the mentoring process.
Negotiation – This is the discussions a mentor
Negotiation – This is the discussions a mentor
and mentee have about the aim of the
and mentee have about the aim of the
mentoring relationship, the ground rules
mentoring relationship, the ground rules
laying out how the relationship will happen,
laying out how the relationship will happen,
the mentoring goals, benchmarks and review,
the mentoring goals, benchmarks and review,
and the strategy for exiting the mentoring
and the strategy for exiting the mentoring
relationship.
relationship.
Enabling – This is the doing stage where the
Enabling – This is the doing stage where the
mentee does the work they need to do to
mentee does the work they need to do to
make the development they have identified.
make the development they have identified.
The mentor enables this process through
The mentor enables this process through
providing support, information and challenge
providing support, information and challenge
when necessary. It is important that your
when necessary. It is important that your
mentee becomes autonomous through
mentee becomes autonomous through
developing confidence and independence
developing confidence and independence
from the support provided by the mentor.
from the support provided by the mentor.
Megginson, Garvey and Stokes (2006)
Zachary (2000)
Stage Four—Winding up. This occurs when the
mentee has achieved a large part of their goals or
feels equipped with the confidence, plans and
insight to continue the journey under their own
steam. Planning for a good ending is critical if
both parties are to emerge from the process with
a positive perception of the experience.
This stage can be difficult, even when the end
of the relationship is mutually agreed. Closure
is an inevitable part of shorter term mentoring
relationships, which usually end once specific
goals have been achieved, or particular work
experiences completed. However, in lifelong
mentoring relationships, closure is not usually
an issue to be faced.
Stage Five– Moving on. This stage is about
reformulating the relationship, typically into a
friendship in which both parties can use each
other on an ad hoc basis as a sounding board or a
source of networking contacts.
Mentors approaching closure may experience
feelings of separation or loss. People who have
difficulty ending relationships should be aware
this might cause them difficulties. An exit plan
should be developed to help both parties to
understand the closure process.
What do you want to remember about stages of mentoring?
How are you going apply this to your mentoring relationships?
Preparation
One way of preparing ourselves for mentoring, or helping our mentees prepare for a
new venture, is to consider how we can engage with aspects of that change before it
happening. This allows us to contemplate how the change may affect us physically,
socially and psychologically. Neuro-Linguistic Programming suggests that we engage
with the world at six levels; reflecting on what changes might occur within these
interactions can help us understand the change and how we fine tune aspects of it.
Neuro Linguistic Programming - Physiological Levels
1. The Environment – when and where will the change take place – ie where will the
offices of your new business be?
2. Behaviour – How will you behave as a result of you new venture – what will a day
in your new business be like?
3. Skills – How will you do your carry out your new job – what skills have you got and
what will you need to develop
4. Beliefs and Values – Why are you doing this? What beliefs have driven you to
make this change? What values are related to this change?
5. Identity – Who will you become when you have made this change?
6. Beyond Identity – the connection. How does this relate to all other aspects of
your life?
What would like to remember about NLP?
How are you going apply this to your mentoring relationships?
Negotiation
Before you begin negotiating about ground rules, aims, goals and exit strategies with
your mentee, look at the information below. Negotiation works best if you prepare
first.
The Stages of Negotiation
1. Start with a pre-negotiation phase by claiming the right to negotiate.
2. Get over your dislike of negotiating.
3. Open the negotiation.
4. Collaborate to meet both ends, making it a win/win situation.
5. Don't take it personally.
6. Have a plan and be willing to ask questions.
7. Don't be emotional.
When negotiation breaks down a number of failures can occur, these include:
 Submission - One gives in but does not want to. This leaves them feeling
aggrieved. This is not negotiation. Negotiation is win/win.
 Deadlock - Neither party is willing to give ground to the other. Again this is
not negotiation; negotiation is win/win.
 Stuck - Both parties want to move forward but don’t know how.
 Objective setting stage - Not being able to outline the aims for each party
 Preparation - one or both parties not having prepared for the meeting
Tips
Act Assertively
Acting assertively is acting responsibly. Assertiveness is neither aggressive, nor
passive aggressive behaviours. It is all about attaining mutually agreed solutions
whilst respecting your personal rights and the personal rights of the person you are
interacting with.
Remember We Are All Different
We are all different and approach negotiation differently. It is important to know
who you are and you approach as well as try and understand other possible
approaches. DISC (outlined below) is one simple way of looking at differences
Enabling
In this section you will find some tools and techniques to help you enable your
mentee to achieve their goals. Some of the models below can be used to structure
sessions, whilst others can be used to structure several sessions.
GROW Model
GROW is coaching model proposed by Sir John Whitmore in ‘Coaching for
Performance’ (2002). This is a four stage, goal-oriented model, which can be used to
structure mentoring sessions, or used as a tool to consider the validity of aims set in
a mentoring relationship and how to achieve them. GROW stands for:
Goal/s Are they
Positive?
Challenging? Achievable?
Why are they important?
When should they be achieved?
What actions and resources are required?
What are the key milestones?
What are the criteria for success?
Encourage your mentee to be specific and detailed
Reality How might context or environment help or inhibit goal achievement?
What else is happening in the mentee’s life? What, when, where, how much, how
often?
Who is directly and indirectly involved in the process of achieving the goal?
Who could become involved if things don’t go to plan?
What hurdles may inhibit progress?
What is missing that could help?
What or who is impeding the mentee from moving forward?
Use your intuition to assess what is really going on for the mentee and check the
reality of their assumptions.
Option
Discuss the full range of options for achieving the goal/s. Consider the
effect of
•
•
•
•
time frames on the route to goal attainment;
finance;
situational control;
the mentee’s levels of confidence and self-esteem.
Identifying possible changes in the mentee’s situation may generate new routes to
achieving the desired goal.
Will
Understanding how committed the mentee is to the goal achievement
process, is crucial to success. The greater the will, the more likely the desired
outcome will be achieved.
On a scale of 1-10 how does the mentee rate her/his commitment?
How could commitment be enhanced?
Maintaining high levels of will also depends upon
•
the option/s taken.
•
maintaining clear boundaries,
•
a set of obtainable objectives and criteria for success.
To build motivation and encourage mentees to consider what they can do now
towards achieving their goal during the next few hours and the next few days.
EGAN’s Skilled Helper Model
This is a three-stage systemic support technique, with a solution focused outcome.
The system draws on Bandura’s learning theory (reference to relevant chapter), as
mentees acquire new problem solving and personal development skills, through
gaining a greater self-knowledge. This encourages mentees to achieve their goals
and to generate greater levels of self-efficacy.
The mentor is the skilled helper in this process. You the mentee achieve the above
by using helping skills, such as rapport building, self-disclosure, effective and active
listening, empathy, questioning, summarising, providing challenge, setting goals,
problem solving, exploring option and providing feedback.
Each stage has a focus and specific skill set.
Stage One:
Exploring the
Mentee’s
Existing
Situation.
The focus of stage one is exploring
the mentee’s situation. Use a
person-centred approach to
develop rapport with the mentee,
which allows for identification and
exploration of problematic issues,
while assessing the mentee’s
resources and opportunities for
change.
Be aware that the mentee may
demonstrate resistance to chance
or new approaches to solving
problems. This may require
challenge and investigation of the
source of the mentee’s resistance.
Skills that could be used
at this stage are:




Open ended
questions
Silence
Empathy
Summarising the
meaning and
emotional content of
what has been said
Stage Two:
Helping the
Mentee Establish
Aims and Goals
Stage two aims to aid the
mentee develop an in-depth
objective understanding of
their issues.
Focus on helping mentees
identify their goals and
options through considering
new possibilities and
perspectives and choosing
realistic pathways in attaining
their goals.
Stage Three:
Help the Mentee
to Develop
Strategies
During this stage encourage
mentees to use the skills they
have developed to problem
solve and make decisions
more effectively. This, in
effect, facilitates them to
solve their current issues.
Developing problem-solving
and decision-making skills will
help live a more successful
future.
Skills required for this stage
are:
 Identifying and
highlighting reoccurring
themes
 Challenging current
thinking patterns
 Brainstorming
 Time lining
 Planning
 Empathy
Skills used in stage three
include:
 Divergent thinking
 Goal setting
 Decision making
 Problem solving
 Evaluation
 Challenging behaviours
 Providing support to
encourage continuation
of learned behaviours
OSKAR Model
OSKAR is an acronym used in solution-focused techniques to structure activities involved in
this approach. Solution focused work focuses on exploring mentees’ issues paying attention
to what the solution might be. It aims to:
1. find out what works for the mentee and encourage her/him to undertake this more
often.
2. identify what doesn’t work and discourage the mentee from engaging in these
behaviours.
Through analysing the problem you discovers what mentees want and do not want, whilst
also evaluating the skills and resources they have and those they may need to develop.
OSKAR stands for:





Outcome
Scaling
Know-how and Resources
Affirmation and Action
Review
Review: What has changed and
how were issues resolved? What
else has changed as a
consequence? What effects has
this had on the mentee’s life and
what s/he would like to change
next?
Affirming and action: Focus
on providing positive regard for
mentees’ natural skills and
resources, as well as those
they are working to acquire.
Encourage discussion about
what is going right in the
mentee’s progress and what
needs to be done next, in order
for progression to continue.
Stages in the OSKAR
Model
Know-how and resources:
Investigate skills, knowledge and
resources the mentee requires to
achieve desired outcomes. Encourage
discussion about what will improve
performance and what can be done to
facilitate this or make it happen more
often.
Outcome: The aim is to
investigate the mentee’s
motivation for requesting a
mentor. Encourage
discussion about what the
mentee wants to achieve
and identify objectives for the
relationship.
Scaling: The aim is to understand
how difficult this situation is for the
mentee. Encourage the mentee to
rate how bad the current situation is
and where they would want to be on
a scale of 1 to 10. Explore with
mentees how they get from where
they are now, to where they want to
be and to explore how they will know
when they have reached their desired
point.
Wheel of Life Model
The wheel of life is a coaching tool that focuses mentees on 8 areas of their life and
asks them to rate how satisfied they are with each one. Mentors can use this
information to help mentees decide what areas they would like to change and how
they would like to change them. The Wheel of Life can be used in conjunction with
other tools or techniques, such as GROW, Egan’s Skilled Helper and OSKAR.
The eight sections in the wheel of life are elements of personal and professional
development. The aim of a stress free life is to achieve balance in all eight aspects.
The centre of the wheel is rated 0 and the outer edge of the wheel is rated 10.
Mentees rank their current level of progression in each area on this scale. Their
progression point in each area of life is marked, by drawing a line (straight or curved)
to create a new outer edge of the wheel. The new perimeters represent their wheel
of life. Mentor and mentee discuss how bumpy the mentee’s ride through life is
going to be, should progress cease at this point in their lives. Encourage mentees to
consider where they would like to be in each area, how satisfied they are with their
current progress and what needs to change for them to be happy and satisfied with
each segment of their life.
Physical
environment
Career
Money
Fun and
recreation
Health
Personal
growth
Significant
other
Friends
and family
Closure
Coming to Closure: This stage can be difficult, even when the end of the relationship
is mutually agreed. Closure is an inevitable part of shorter term mentoring
relationships, which usually end once specific goals have been achieved, or particular
work experiences completed. However, in lifelong mentoring relationships, closure
is not usually an issue to be faced.
Mentors approaching closure may experience feelings of separation or loss. People
who have difficulty ending relationships should be aware this might cause them
difficulties. An exit plan should be developed to help both parties to understand the
closure process.
How do you feel about the ending of relationships?
How has the closure of previous mentoring relationships made
you feel?
How do you anticipate the closure of mentoring relationship will
affect you?
Ethics
The ethical conduct of mentors has been set out by the European Mentoring and
Coaching Council. The EMCC’s code of ethics covers five main areas.





Competency
Context
Integrity
Professionalism
Boundary Management
Exercise six
How might these five ethical areas relate to your mentoring
practice?
•
Competency
•
Context
•
Integrity
•
Professionalism
•
Boundary Management
Recommended Reading
Different theoretical approaches to mentoring and coaching
Cox. E., Bachkirova, T. & Clutterbuck D.A. (2010). The Complete Handbook of
Coaching. Sage; London
Mentoring models
Dexter, J., Dexter, G. & Irving, J. (2011). An Introduction to Coaching. Sage; London
Jelly Baby Tree
Wheel of Life
Alternative titles for segments.
Work related titles: Building a reputation, managing relationships, organizational
skills, learning potential, learning skills, knowing goals.
Student related titles: physical environment, university experience, money, health,
friends and family, significant other, personal growth, fun and recreation
You could also ask your mentee to think of areas of their work life that are important
to them and use these as titles for the segments
Egan’s Skilled Helper
Where I am now
Opportunities
Where I’d like to be
Barriers