TEACHING EMPTHY
Mary Katherine Boncher, Ph.D.
Lower Lab PTA Psychologist
I. What Is Empathy
A. Components of empathy
1. Affective, “feeling with” definition most highlighted.
2. Cognitive understanding, taking the perspective of other person,
3. Kinesthetic, embodied simulation.
4. Self-regulation, modulating inner states evoked by the empathetic
reactions. Without self-regulation empathy is challenging as person
can become overwhelmed.
B. Empathy is the ability constructed by emotional, cognitive, behavioral and
communicational competencies to tune into the internal states of the other.
1. Empathy is different from sympathy or compassion.
a. Sympathy or compassion is feeling sorry for someone.
b. Empathy entails understanding the other’s struggles.
2. Empathy is more than simple perspective taking.
a. Sales people, politicians, actors and marketers are able to do
“perspective –taking” in pursuit of their professional goals.
b. Empathy includes valuing, respecting and understanding
another person’s views even when not agreeing with them.
3. Kinesthetically empathy interaction encompasses feeling as if ones
body is moving or experiencing what is happening with another’s
body
4. In terms of communication, empathy is thought of as two brains
attuned, coupled, synchronized based on patterns, rhythms, tones
beyond and regardless of the content of communication.
C. An empathic person is aware of the feelings, desires, needs and concerns
of others, can step into another person’s shoes, is able to take another
person’s perspective, is effective at listening to others, and exhibits
attunement.
II. What is the Neurophysiological Basis of Empathy?
A. Mirror Neurons discovered in the 1990’s provided plausible
neuropsychological explanation for complex forms of social cognition and
interaction.
1. Mirror neurons dissolve the barrier between self and others.
2. Neuroscience has begun to understand the mechanisms of visual
processing that allow our brain to build a representation of what it
sees in the world.
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3. The Mirror Neuron System (MNS) is involved in imitation of simple
movements, imitation learning of complex skills, the perception of
communicative actions, the detection of action intentions.
4. Multiple systems in the human’s brain may be endowed with neural
mechanisms of mirroring.
5. Mirror neurons underlie the empathizing processes – triggering the
same brain activation patterns when subjects observe emotions in
others as when they feel their own emotions.
B. Via the Mirror Neuron System, perceived action is equivalent to
internally simulating it.
1. Embodied simulation becomes a common underlying functional
mechanism that enables one to feel the actions, intentions, feelings,
and emotions of others, thus grounding our identification with and
connectedness to others.
2. Metaphorically speaking, through brain mirroring, “the other”
becomes “self”, as her or his action is represented in our MNS system.
C. Dysfunctional simulation mechanisms may underlie the social and
communicative deficits seen in individuals with autism spectrum disorders.
E. Synchronization
1. Mirror neurons drive empathy and embodied simulation which in
turn drive the process of intentional attunement.
2. Two brains attune and couple - synchronize.
3. This process of brain-to-brain coupling looks exactly like a wireless
communication system in which two brains are coupled via the
transmission of a physical signal through the shared physical
environment.
4. The transmitter of this attunement is language but not so much
content, words, and grammar but the rhythm of communication.
5. This neural network-to-network collaboration is shaped in a
specific synchronic form in which both participants are modifying
their own actions in response to the continuously changing actions of
the partner.
III. Empathy is important
A. as an ancient trait, as old as maternal care;
B. as an essential ingredient for effective parenting;
C. in contributing to altruism and compassion for others,
D. as a departure point for pro-social behavior and cooperation;
E. in helping create social coherence;
F. in fostering feelings of guilt over harming someone and feelings of anger at
others who do harm;
G. in significantly reducing aggression / bullying among school children;
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H. in raising social/emotional competence., components of social an
emotional intelligence;
I. in promoting emotional and physical healing;
J. as an important component in addressing intergroup conflict.
IV. Can We Teach Empathy
A. Research shows that the capacity for empathy starts in infancy and is built
from early life experiences.
B. We can ingrain and enhance the capacity for empathy in small children.
1. Parents are primary teachers and the younger the child, the better.
2. After age 11-12, it becomes more difficult to develop/enhance.
C. Empathy promoting programs
1. Social emotional intelligence curriculum such as Project EXCEL
2. Roots of Empathy, Mary Gordon (2005), which teaches empathy
through experiential learning observing a baby/parent interaction.
3. “Funds of Knowledge” approach used with elementary aged
students to promote empathy for the “other” in areas of conflict.
V. Teaching Empathy
A. Empathize with your child
1. Attunement and attachment in infancy sets the basis.
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2. Kids are more likely to develop a strong sense of empathy when
their own emotional needs (secure attachment relationship) are being
met at home.
3. The pre-requisite of understanding another’s perspective is
understanding one’s own perspective and this is learned within the
context of relationships – particularly the family.
B. Help your child learn to identify and label own and other’s emotions.
1. Use opportunities as they come up such as talking about one’s day
using feeling words, using literature and movies to identify the
feelings of characters, sharing affective states in communication.
2. Remember kids are always learning from the modeling of
adults/parents
C. Help child develop self-control and manage feelings effectively.
1. Research indicates that kids are more likely to show empathic
concern for others if they have parents who help them cope with
negative emotions in an empathic, problem solving way.
2. Affect regulation is needed to manage own and other’s feelings.
3. Affect regulation skills range from deep breathing, to progressive
muscle relaxation, to mindfulness exercises, to cognitive
restructuring, to problem solving, to assertiveness.
4. Affective control also comes by avoiding triggering situations.
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D. Teach perspective taking
1. Listen to your child’s perspectives and honor them.
2. Discuss and explore alternative perspectives.
3. Encourage interpersonal / inter-group curiosity including what
other’s may feel and think and what motivates them.
4. Expose
5. Help kids find similarities with others.
6. Teach kids about the hot-cold empathy gap
7. Use literature, movies, real-life situations.
8. Talk about ways that you show another person that you understand
their perspective.
E. Attend to kinesthetic and facial knowing
1. Address body postures, movements, and facial expressions.
2. Remember the root of empathy is mimicking.
F. Model and teach active listening skills
1. Listening for other person’s thoughts and feelings.
2. Consider what is being said and how:
- tone of voice,
-speed of verbalization,
-facial expression,
-body posture,
-body gestures,
G. Talk about empathy
1. What is it?
2. What does it look like?
3. What does it sound like?
4. What does it feel like?
H. Make empathy part of family life.
1. Actively model empathy for others
2. Make caring for others a priority and set high ethical expectations.
3. Notice empathy when it occurs and positively re-enforce.
I. Help kids develop a sense of morality that depends on internal self-control,
not on rewards and punishments
1. Kids are more likely to internalize moral principles when their
parents talk to them about how wrong doing effects others.
2. Teach older kids about mechanisms of moral disengagement – how
to analyze and defend against arguments that promote cruelty.
J. Inspire good feelings through pleasant social interactions and physical
affection
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1. Higher levels of oxytocin help people better decode the emotional
meanings of others.
2. So keeping kids oxytocin levels high promotes empathy.
VI. Does empathy Work in Groups and in Particular Intergroup Conflict.
A. Existing research mostly relates to empathetic relationships between
individuals.
1. Generally, empathy is characterized as an individual, person-toperson phenomenon.
2. Some posit social empathy, building upon the classic examination of
human behavior in the social environment, system theory, and
person-in-environment (Segal, 2011).
3. The alternative is to look at social empathy focused not on
individuals but on the relationship between them.
4. As such the phenomenon of social empathy is defined as
a. understanding the various types of potential embedded in
groups and/or societies;
b. understanding the pains, needs, and frustrations of groups
and/or society, as well as their hidden dreams and desires;
c. being aware of the latent tendencies, ie., directions in which
groups or societies could potentially go;
d. identifying areas in which groups/societies would
cooperate, and where likelihood of success is relatively high;
e. identifying areas of motivation by responding to some
important though not necessarily visible, needs.
B. Social SYNC
1. Many group facilitators use recurrent group rituals, which become a
backbone of group synchronization, enabling smoother
communication and cooperation.
2. Acting in synchrony with others can increase cooperation by
strengthening social attachment among group members.
C. Studies in peace education emphasize that to construct a unified society in
the aftermath of lose and conflict, empathy, understanding the other’s
perspective and imagining how the other might feel, is an important factor.
1. These studies define empathy as a dialogic process unfolding over
time, informed by the work of emotions about the “other’s” emotional
states and perspectives.
2. What allows one to imagine well and accurately the emotional
perspective of another, especially someone from an “enemy”
community?
3. The greatest impediment to empathy is the lack of sufficient
practical knowledge of and engagement with the other’s life
experiences.
4. Interviewing and narratives help build knowledge.
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5. The major function of reconciliatory empathy is participating in
shared reflective engagement with the other’s emotional life.
6. There are many complexities and ambivalences in the process of
empathy and thus imagining the other’s perspective.
A classroom full of empathetic kids simply runs more smoothly than one filled
with even the happiest group of self-serving children.
Family life is more harmonious when siblings are able to feel for each other
and put the needs of others ahead of individual happiness.
Imagine what we could accomplish if the world was populated with children
who had developed the ability to empathize.
REFERENCES
2007)
Bergin, M. S. (2007). Teaching children empathy. “Family Focus” (Winter
Coleman, P. How to teach empathy. “Family Education”
http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/friendship/29483.html#ixzz2vUmZ5O7
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Dewar, G. (2014) Teaching empathy: Evidenced based tips for fostering
empathy in children
Lahey J. (2014) Teaching children Empathy. “The New York Times”
September 4, 2014
Praszkier, R. (2014). Empathy, mirror neurons and SYNC. “Mind Mind Soc”
Segal, EA. (2011) Social empathy: A Model built on empathy, contextual
understanding, and social responsibility that promotes social justice. J. Soc Serv
Res 37(3) 266-277.
Zembylas, M. (2013) The emotional complexities of “our” and “their” Loss:
The vicissitudes of teaching about/for empathy in a conflicting society.
“Anthropology & Education”, vol. 44(1) 19-37
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