Sociology: Marriage
A Sociological Analysis of Marriage
Legal Aspects of Marriage
Not only is marriage a set of intimate and personal promises, it is a legal entity. The state has a stake in
marriage and family. The selection of one's mate, the rearing of one's children, the protection of and
distribution of personal property, and the decision to end a marriage are NOT strictly personal issues.
Who can marry? Eligibility based on:
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Age
Gender
Health
Kinship to prospective Spouse
Purpose of state sanctions:
legitimization of children
protection of spouse from exploitation
protection of property rights
restriction of sexual activity
Requirements are, in addition to age, gender, health, and kinship requirements : - a license and a
ceremony (except in the case of common law marriage.).
The Meaning of Marriage - To legitimize children is key function.
Marriage makes institutional provisions for a preferred method of producing and nurturing children.
NOTE: Legitimating sexual activity and living together is a Latent function of marriage.
Marriage as a Permanent Commitment
Marriage has always been viewed as long term, more or less permanent. At the turn of the century, when
the divorce rate was very low, individuals usually married later in life, when the financial means to fund a
family was established. People were older and more established. Now, as we marry earlier each decade,
individuals are increasingly less prepared for marriage - both emotionally and financially.
Marriage as a sacrament - God's Holy Ordinance" Sacrament / -Civil - Personal.
Stages of Marriage
1. The Happy Honeymoon - the first year of marriage, some say. - Others say until children come.
2. Disillusionment and Regrets - conflicts, regrets, and ambivalence about the marriage. Feelings
of being cornered or trapped. For the marriage to continue happily, each partner must somehow
work through their disappointments.
3. Accommodation - adjusting expectations for the relationship to realistic levels - working to
rediscover the reasons for the marriage in the first place.
Marital Satisfaction over the Duration of Marriage: Styles of Marriage - refers to the way marriage
partners perceive and treat each other.
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Sociology: Marriage
Traditional marriage male breadwinner/female homemaker vs.Egalitarian = contemporary views of sex
role equality. This is the modern ideal.A less simplistic view comes from Cuber & Haroff's study of 400
couples, who had been married at least 10 years. They were attempting to identify "types" of marital
styles that have developed in American Culture:
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Conflict-Habituated marriages are characterized by constant disagreement and quarreling. Such
couples thrive on conflict and verbal skirmishes. The Stimulation provided by fighting holds the
marriage together. Few Marriages were found to be of this type.
Devitalized marriages - by far the largest part of the sample and most common type of marriage
after 10 years. The once close and loving relationship has drifted into an emotional divorce and
empty marriage. The couple is indifferent to each other, but manage to stay together. Few
disagreements due to few actual conversations. Many may feel that it is natural for marriages to
become dull. Others feel that the relationship is better than none at all, while still others feel a
need to remain married to fulfill some social or personal responsibility. It is possible that these
folks are just in a mid-life slump.
Passive-Congenial marriages may have been dull from the start. There is no sense of loss of an
exciting and satisfying relationship because there never was the feeling of possession of one.
These are marriages of convenience, the couple remaining together because of inertia.
Vital Marriages are the ideal type of warm, loving relationships where the partners are interested
in each other and committed to each other and the marriage. There is room for autonomy and
personal growth for each partner, as well as a fair amount of consideration of the other person in
making personal decisions. Conflicts are rare and low key when present. Such a couple has
common goals and are willing to work to maintain a high sense of the partnership.
Total marriages are MORE vital than vital ones. These people cannot think of anything but the
other person. They may work together, as in a family business, and are more integrated.
It is quite possible that marriages move back and forth between these "types" - especially since
the study in which the types were discovered only looked at marriage from one point of time for
each couple. It is also quite possible that the marriage partners may have different conceptions of
the relationship.
Marital Happiness and Enrichment
Most people marry with the hope and expectation of being happy - more or less - forever. Is eternal
marital bliss possible? There are some clues to the secret of marital happiness over the lifecourse. Terms
such as marital happiness, marital satisfaction, and marital adjustment are used interchangeably. Most
couples find that marital satisfaction tends to sag a little during the period from the birth of the first child
to the launching of the last one. The Importance of communication cannot be overemphasized.
Certain elements of the Style of Communication between partners affords a higher level of satisfaction.
Complementary styles = each partner serves as a counterpoint to the other. That is - each partner takes a
turn at talking - then listening. Flexibility is important here so that one person does not do all the talking.
Conventional styles = the conversation is kept "light" and unstimulating to avoid conflict. This style
reduces self-disclosure, thus reducing intimacy, commitment, and mutual dependence.
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Sociology: Marriage
Speculative styles explore the facts of an issue or problem - investigative. This style comes in handy with
disclosure of feelings might get in the way of solving a problem.
Controlling styles - allows each partner to compete for control of the other's behavior. This style is
restricting and suffocating. "Lot's of "You should's"
Contactful styles allow sharing of feelings and ideas. Each speaker is willing to express thoughts and
feelings openly and willing to listen to the other. Contactful communication is explicit, responsive, and
accepting and involves a high degree of self-disclosure and trust.
Communication must be more rewarding than negative or aversive in order for marital happiness to be
maintained. Happily married couples talk more to each other and make more use of nonverbal
communications, and are more sensitive to each other's needs and feelings - than unhappily married
couples.
Alternative Marriage Patterns
A Note About Normality: The only way to talk about "normal" behavior or "normal" activities that makes
sense is to refer to Statistical Normality - What "most" people" do, of course it is possible to think of
moral and ethical belief systems that guide our behavior and thinking; however, these are very private and
very personal and do not necessarily include anyone but ourselves. In the sense of statistics - most people
- 96% - find themselves in a long term, heterosexual, one man, one woman relationship.
There have always been-since the time we have been taking notice- Those in our society who find
alternative lifestyles more appealing than the “normal” way of living. There have always been those who
live in homosexual relationships, group or communal relationships, or some other approach. Recently,
given the global transition we seem to be going through, such "fringe" relationships seem to get more
print space, or headlines, than in the past. So they seem more prevalent. They are probably more accepted
today, just as cohabitating couples are more accepted than in the past.
So the first "alternative" to heterosexual marriage is - Cohabitation.
Open Marriages - the O'Neills wrote a book in 1972 - based on their experiences living an open
marriage. By this they meant that their personal relationship could be treasured and special even though
they shared their lives with others - married or not. In their view, one person could be better able to meet
the other's emotional, social, economic, and sexual needs if they were free to explore these same aspects
of life with others. The O'Neills divorced in 1975 - and wrote book about the failure of the open marriage
concept in their case.
Gay Marriage - Among homosexual males and females, long term relationships lately have become just
as stable and committed as heterosexual ones. That is - gays are just a little more likely to have
relationships that fail as are the "normal" crowd of heterosexual marrieds.. However, it is a statistical fact
that today - homosexuals who are interested in long term relationships are just as likely to make such a
relationship as are heterosexuals with the same interests.
Communal Marriages - another alternative form is the commune. Communal living arrangements come
in a variety of forms. There are no organized group marriages in the U.S. - where the male group
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Sociology: Marriage
"marries" the female group. Almost all communes are heterosexual in nature and monogamous. In the
1960's and 70's some "family groups" were formed - such as the Merry Pranksters and the Family Dog in
San Francisco. These arrangements lasted only a few years and were organized around the drugs and
psychedelic music subculture.
Today most communes share in the joined labor and economic efforts of the members. Childcare is
shared, each person works outside the group and contributes paychecks to the "family income". Many of
these groups have a religious orientation as well, ranging from fundamentalist Christians to Buddhist and
Hindu oriented faiths. There are group sings and prayer sessions as well
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