Exemplar essay:
This essay does an excellent job of explaining how the evidence supports
the topic sentence of the paragraph. This writer used thoughts of her/his
own to add to the amazing explanations. Please focus on those to see how
this writer’s green is usually more than one sentence. This gives the
reader a complete understanding for how the evidence supports the claim.
Read a second time and notice how the writer used transitions between
and within(interior) paragraphs. There is a great flow to this essay because
of this!
In the story Shells by Cynthia Rylant, Michael is a hard person to love because he is
tough with his emotions. He over reacts, he doesn't like change and most negative of all he is a
cover-judger. With these emotions he is made hard to love.
The most obvious reason Michael is tough to love is because Michael is a cover-judger.
Evidence from the text supports this certain emotion of Michael because Cynthia Rylant states
that, "Although he denied it, he did hate Esther . She was so different for his mother and father.
" This piece of evidence is important to the claim because Micheal judges people on certain
facts (in this case Esther is diverse from his mother and father,) rather than more important facts
like kindness, compassion and most importantly love. My second and final piece of text
evidence that illustrates Micheal is a cover-judger is, “”What?”” Michael's eyebrows went up and
his jaw dropped down.” In other words, these actions were because he saw Aunt Esther
different from other things he is used to which he probably thought were bad. This was triggered
by being a cover judger. Being a cover-judger makes Micheal hard to love.
The second reason Michael is hard to love is because he doesn’t like change. Cynthia
Rylant shows how Michael is feeling in this context, “ Even six months after their deaths, he still
expected to see his parents…’’ This piece of text shows that Cynthia Rylant wanted to show the
reader, that even over time Michael still doesn’t grasp on to the fact the Esther is now his “
parent”. He still thinks of his parents being there. That idea (that he doesn’t like change) keeps
rolling through the story Shells. Another piece of evidence that states Michael doesn’t like
change is that, “ She was so different from his mother and father.” This piece of text shows that
Michael is still used to his parent’s ways, ( not Esther’s selfishness of the fact she is prejudiced.)
With the fact that Michael doesn’t like change, it makes him hard to love.
The final reason Michael is hard to love is that because Michael is an over reactor.
Evidence from the text supports this emotion because the text states that, “” Punish, you?””
Michael gawked at her. “”I don’t punish you! I don’t care about you! I don’t care what you eat or
how you dress or where you go are what you think. Can’t you just leave alone?”” This piece of
evidence can be summed up in word-hate.Throughout the text Micheal says he hates Esther.
But if he really did hate his aunt he would have never come to live with her. So this particular
piece of evidence shows, Michael is over-reacting. The final piece of evidence that supports the
idea Michael is an over reactor, is that the text states that, “I don’t Michael yelled. Usually
“yelled” is a key word to show the character is mad, in that is the idea of over reacting. In
conclusion, the emotion over reacting that Michael carries makes him hard to love.
In conclusion, the story Shells by Cynthia Rylant, you now see Michael can be tough
with his emotions (a cover judger, someone who doesn't like change and an over reactor.) For
these reasons Michael is hard to love.
Now that you’ve seen an exemplar essay, use the 5 paragraph essay
checklist to fix the following sections of essays that need help.
Intro:
In this story, I will be talking about a boy named Michael, who is hard to
love because he is a cover judger,over reactor, and most of all does not
like change.
What’s missing in the intro?
How do I fix it?
Exemplar body paragraph:
My second reason Ms.Jones gives respect because she trusts him.
One evidence to support this reason is, “If I turn you loose will you run’.
Asked the woman. ‘Yes’m’ said the boy. ‘Then I won’t turn you loose’ said
the woman”. This shows that Ms.Jones trusts him to tell the truth because if
he would have said “no’m” and she would have let him go and he could
have ran. Another evidence supporting this is, “But the boy took care to sit
on the far side of the far side of the room were he thought she could easily
see him out the corner of her eye, if she wanted to. He did not trust the
woman not to trust him. And he did not want to be mistrusted now.” This
shows that Ms.Jones trusts him because she left the door wide open, and
she trusted him not to run right out of the door.
What’s missing in body paragraph 1below?
How can I fix it?
Body paragraph 1:
Mrs.Jones tries to teach respect.One example of Mrs.Jones trieing to teach
respect.oOne example of this,”the large woman simply turned around and
kicked him right in the blue jeaned sitter”.This shows wanted respect from
the boy.Another piece of evedence is”then she reached down ,picked him
up by his shirt and shook him till his teeth rattled”.Tuhis shows that she
wanted him to have respect.
What’s missing in body paragraph 2 below?
How can I fix it?
Body paragraph 2:
The woman is caring because she gives second chances the boy wash his
face. “Then will get you washed up this evening” That shows that she is
caring, she let the boy in her home. “ Then we'll eat said Luella Bates.”
Luella Bates fed the boy and gave him a bath.
What’s missing in body paragraph 3 below?
How can I fix it?
Body paragraph 3
The last, very-important reason why Mrs. Jones believes in second
chances is because she is kind. The text says “'I have done things, too,
which I wouldn't tell you, son- neither tell God if he didn't already know.”'
This illustrates that Mrs. Jones had done some things too, but didn't want to
talk about it. She mentioned it to make the boy feel less embarrassed and
less bad about what he had done. Another piece of evidence states that
“'You might run that comb through your hair so you look presentable.”' This
shows that Mrs. Jones was looking out for him and making sure he looked
ok.
What’s missing from the conclusion below?
How can I fix it?
As shown above Mrs. Jones is a very loving because she’s stubborn and independent
thinker and generous. So don't be afraid to steal her pocketbook you’ll get ten
dollars.