PREMARITAL PURITY PLEDGE
We believe that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed in the context of marriage and that He had
our best in mind when He gave us strong directives about sexual purity before marriage. There are
many benefits to staying sexually pure before marriage. By waiting until marriage:
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You please God.
You build trust, which is necessary for intimacy.
You develop the godly qualities of patience and self-control.
You affirm that you care more for the other person than yourself.
You protect yourself from feelings of guilt and shame.
You provide yourself with an example to give your children and others.
You are protected from emotional, mental and physical trauma should you break off your
relationship.
You develop healthy communication habits and skills.
You avoid the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy.
You avoid the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
You increase the anticipation and enjoyment of your wedding night.
You experience the blessing of obedience.
You discover more about each other than just the physical.
If you are a Christian, you maintain a witness to the world.
If you are a Christian, you keep from bringing reproach on the name of Christ.
Although many couples believe engaging in sex prior to marriage will strengthen their relationship,
we believe the opposite is true. We believe sex outside of marriage can slow down the growth of a
couple’s relationship by causing emotional confusion and distracting couples from pursuing activities
that would be more meaningful and beneficial during the dating/engagement stage of a relationship.
We believe it is worth noting that research2 indicates a positive relationship between couples who
live by biblical standards3 regarding purity and marriage longevity.
While physical intimacy is of huge importance in a healthy marriage, we do not believe it is the
foundation upon which to build a great marriage. Therefore, the aim of this pledge is to help each
couple focus on the essential building blocks of establishing a healthy marriage.
What is outlined below is a voluntary pledge, taken by a seriously dating or engaged couple, to
sexual purity. This pledge is optional, but strongly encouraged. Therefore, we ask you to consider
agreeing to limit your physical involvement, as indicated below, and to be held accountable by your
mentor couple.
Sexual purity means much more than not having sexual intercourse before marriage. Many couples
avoid intercourse but are still sexually intimate. Scripture defines sexual purity as being morally
excellent. And moral excellence means being holy. It means avoiding the appearance of evil. It
means purity of thought as well as purity of deed. It means protecting one another’s innocence
from being stained by impure actions.
Those considering or preparing for marriage are asked by their mentors to talk about the pledge
privately and to pray about it before deciding whether to take this step. Regardless of what the
decision is, the matter will remain a private one between the marriage mentors and you. Ultimately,
however, it is a spiritual matter between you and God.
Be honest about the physical part of your relationship. We know the Bible does not specifically
address ‘how far a couple can go before marriage.’ However, it is clear that we are to flee from
sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Consider making a commitment to keeping your physical
activities between #1 - # 4.
1) Holding hands
2) Hugging
3) Light kissing
4) French kissing
5) Kissing on the neck, ears or other parts of the body
6) Indirect stimulation of the breasts/genitals (e.g. “grinding”)
7) Manual stimulation of the breasts/genitals
8) Oral stimulation of the breasts/genitals
9) Intercourse/anal sex
If your physical activities exceed #4, we suggest the following steps:
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Confess your sin to the Lord, and repent of your actions (Psalm 51.3-4).
Confess and seek forgiveness from your partner.
Inform your mentor couple. The man must contact the male mentor within 24 hours after
exceeding the physical limit. If the man does not do so, the woman will call the female
mentor.
Calling your mentor does not circumvent the need to confess your actions to God;
however, letting your mentor know keeps you accountable, so your focus can be on the
spiritual, character-building issues that are important in forging a lifelong committed
marriage.
Please note, our expectation is that individuals who are members of Wheaton Bible Church will
sign this pledge.
We pledge to hold our relationship to a Biblical standard, so the Lord might bless this relationship now, and
in the many years ahead. Therefore, we agree to call our mentors if the physical involvement goes beyond
level #4.
PREMARITAL COUPLE
MENTOR COUPLE
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1 Obtained from “Preparing for Marriage: Discover God’s Plan for a Lifetime of Love” by David Boehi,
et al
2 See Kahn and London, "Premarital Sex and the Risk of Divorce" in Journal of Marriage and Family
(1991) 53:845-855.
3 Selected scripture related to sexual purity:
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually
immoral person sins against his own body.
-1 Corinthians 6:18
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is
proper among saints.
-Ephesians 5:3
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each
one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust
like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this
matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly
warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8 Therefore whoever
disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
-1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge
the sexually immoral and adulterous.
-Hebrews 13:4
**Taken from Watermark Community Church, Dallas, TX