CHCCN302A: Provide care for children
Respond to the emotional needs of children
Contents
Develop routines appropriate to the child’s developmental stage
and provide a stable and predictable environment
Providing stability and a predictable environment
3
Strategies to promote stability
4
Identify and respond to children’s feelings openly, appropriately
and with respect
Developing supportive relationships
8
8
Encourage children to communicate, listen and treat them with
respect
Listening and responding to children
11
12
Encourage opportunities to express feelings and emotions
appropriately
13
Interacting to support emotional wellbeing
13
Providing supportive play experiences
14
Deal with emotional outbursts in a calm and consistent manner
while minimising disruption to other children
16
Fears and anxieties
16
Signs of stress and distress
17
Comfort children when hurt or distressed
19
Coping with grief and loss
19
Ensure children are informed appropriately and prepared for any
change
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3
24
Types of change
24
Strategies to help children manage change
24
Strategies to help children cope with major change or crises
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
Develop routines appropriate to the
child’s developmental stage and
provide a stable and predictable
environment
Within the day in a childcare setting there are many routines that are followed to
provide the smooth running of the day. These routines are typically centred
around providing for the child’s physical needs. They include arrival and
departure, toileting and hand washing, rest, meals and snacks.
Providing stability and a predictable
environment
Keeping the same routines allows for the day to have some predictability and for
children this promotes feelings of security. They know what things to expect
within the day and can plan and predict events and their timing.
Stability means that the routines are carried out in a similar manner around the
same times and in roughly the same order each day. This is done to create
consistency so that children can know what to expect, how it will happen and
when. It allows for children to trust that these routines will happen and that they
don’t have to worry about them.
In childcare children who have been in care for even a few days know that they
will be given lunch and so they don’t have to worry about whether they will get
lunch or whether the caregiver will forget. They are able to trust the caregivers in
relation to the routines and can get on with developing other skills and tasks.
Children who have just started kindergarten are often unsure what foods to eat at
which times and it can take a while to sort it out. They may worry that they’ll eat
lunch at morning tea time and not have enough at lunch time. Children starting in
‘out of school hours care’ (OOSHC) for the first time may forget to save some food
for afternoon tea and will worry about what they will eat and being hungry until
they become accustomed to this or are aware that afternoon tea may be provided
by the centre.
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© NSW DET 2010
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As caregivers we need to be aware that this need for stability and consistency is
important and that we don’t overdo it by creating inflexible and rigid routines.
Routines should be carried out in a similar manner at a similar time each day but
should not control and totally direct the day.
Activity 1
Strategies to promote stability
There are many ways to promote stability using routines, but the most important
is to keep routines consistent and ensure children know about what is happening
in their day.
All routines should be established around the children’s needs not the staff needs
for lunch breaks, programming etc. These are important and do impact on the
program but the children’s needs are of paramount importance and caregivers
should fit around them.
Some useful strategies are:
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know the children in your care and their individual needs
know the needs of the group
plan routines that are flexible and can be adapted to meet the changing
needs of the children
be relaxed about the times routines are placed—children don’t need to
move to a clock or rigid timetable
be aware that routine times are times for learning and practising skills so
allow time for this to happen—avoid rushing children
involve children in developing the daily routines especially school aged
children
allow children to decide on some routines for themselves (eg progressive
morning and afternoon teas)
keep routines relaxed and avoid stressing out the children by making
unrealistic demands.
Meeting individual needs through routines
Each and every child is unique, and displays not only their own personality but
also their own needs. If caregivers are to provide support and encouragement to
children’s developing emotional wellbeing then they need to individualise their
interactions and responses to each child.
Routines are an ideal time to assess and monitor the individual needs of the child.
As well as meeting physical needs caregivers can aim to meet emotional needs.
This can be achieved by adjusting interactions and responses to match each child.
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Knowing the children in care and their emotional needs and personality traits will
help caregivers to respond in the most appropriate manner. Routines such as
meal times and rest times where children can be given physical care tasks to aid
their independence and autonomy are ideal times to achieve this.
Activity 2
Developing a sense of belonging
Being part of a group and belonging is important to children as well as adults.
Remember your school days and the need to be part of the group, to have not
only friends but also a best friend, sharing secrets with special friends?
Humans are social beings and our lives revolve around being part of groups, be
they family groups, peer groups, close personal friendships, sporting or social
groups or even a group or team that works together. You only need to look in the
classified section of your local paper or the phone book to see how emotionally
dependent humans are on groups to help us through difficult times—the number
of support group organisations is extensive.
When presented with difficult situations/tasks humans find it easier to cope if
they talk to someone who has experienced it before or has special skills relating to
the situation/task. They are able to offer empathy and emotional support, which
is often a greater need than physical support.
Belonging and feeling part of the group means acceptance and assists children’s
development of positive self-esteem.
Shared decision making
One way to feel part of the group is to have some responsibilities and some
contributions towards the group. In a childcare setting this could be as simple as
providing opportunities for all children to make simple decisions. For example, if
there are three children wanting to paint and they ask to have some paints
prepared it is a perfect opportunity for shared decision making by asking them to
decide what colours are needed.
Shared decision making can be linked to all areas of the program and children
should be given opportunities to contribute to the program. Children can be
encouraged and supported to make decisions together.
Providing opportunities for children to work together
Group work develops not only a sense of acceptance and belonging but also prosocial behaviours. When working as a group, children have to take into account
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the needs and considerations of others, they need to make choices and share
decisions, and there can also be the need to compromise or negotiate desired
outcomes. These are all important skills in later life and just don’t appear as some
physical maturation skills, like walking, they need to be developed and practised.
Situations where teamwork and group skills can be developed are:
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routine tasks
group collage, drawing, painting
blocks
creating gross motor play areas
dramatic play
problem solving.
A situation where teamwork and group skills can be developed
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Children who develop teamwork skills often use these skills to support others
during play. They will provide encouragement for the developing competence of
others. Some of these children will also begin to help others to resolve conflict,
‘say you’re sorry and find a game to play together’.
The need for personal and private space
Personal belongings storage
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© NSW DET 2010
There should always be a space provided in a childcare environment to store
personal belongings. This space promotes a feeling of value and respect towards
the children and their belongings. Caregivers need to give consideration not only
to providing space for personal belongings and effects but quiet, private areas
where children can go to reflect on their feelings, cope with feelings of sadness,
frustration and the like.
Many adults, when feeling emotionally fragile, retreat to a private space to gather
themselves together and take time to resolve the emotional conflict. Caregivers
need to provide this for children. It is important to recognise children’s feelings
and talk to them about how they feel, but sometimes we need to respect the
child’s need for privacy until they are ready to talk about it. Coping with feelings
also means resolving them internally, so the child feels comfortable and okay.
Need to be individual and accepted
It’s great to be part of the group but children need to feel accepted for who they
are as individuals. With the beginning of independence children start to assert and
show who they are and this continues into their later years.
If children are not allowed to be themselves, the individual, then caregivers can
do immeasurable harm to their self-esteem. Finding out who you are is a difficult
task which requires much experimentation and feedback from those around you.
Caregivers should accept children for who they are and provide opportunities for
their personal and emotional development. It is important that caregivers model
accepting and inclusive behaviours and give children positive feedback.
Scenario: Example of appropriate practice
Ahmid, who is five years old, wandered over to the playdough table where
Gabbi and Sophie were making birthday cakes. Ahmid sat down and
picked up a rolling pin. He told the girls he was going to make a birthday
cake as well. He got a ball of playdough and rolled it flat. ‘That’s not how
to do it,’ Gabbi said. ‘Yeah,’ agreed Sophie ‘you have to make it higher so
you can put candles on it. That’s a silly cake.’ Ahmid replied that their
cakes were silly too. Greg the caregiver, walked over, sat down and said,
‘Hey let’s have a look at these birthday cakes.’ ‘Ahmid’s is silly,’ Gabbi told
Greg. He looked at the cakes and at Ahmid who was beginning to look
upset and said, ‘Not all birthday cakes look the same. Last week when
Nigel had a birthday his cake was a rocket, and Will’s cake was a monster.
I’m pretty sure that cakes come in lots of different shapes and sizes but
birthday cakes are always special. Ahmid, tell us about your special
birthday cake.’ Ahmid began to talk about his cake and asked Sophie
about her special cake. When Greg left the table the children were
creating an extra special birthday cake together for Greg.
Activity 3
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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Identify and respond to children’s
feelings openly, appropriately and
with respect
Responding to children’s emotional needs can mean many things to different
people. For those who work with children it will inevitability involve being there
for children, offering comfort in times of hurt and distress, anticipating and
responding to children’s needs (both physical and emotional) and providing
children with the skills necessary to function as caring and sensitive members of
society.
We particularly need to encourage children aged two to six years to identify their
own feelings, express them appropriately and develop coping strategies to deal
with change and stress in their lives.
Developing supportive relationships enables children to explore, develop and
practise skills in a secure and trusting environment. Supportive relationships
provide the basis for children to discover who they are emotionally, feel confident
and secure about whom they are and explore and cope with new and challenging
situations throughout their lives.
Developing supportive relationships
Humans are social beings; our world revolves around interactions with others on
daily, personal, community, national and global levels. Relationships are
important to adults and we spend much time in establishing and maintaining
these within our lives.
Relationships are also important to children. There are many relationships within
their lives from family, friends, community, childcare, school, and sporting and
social groups. Some of the relationships we form in childhood are life-long. There
are many adults who formed friendships in preschool or school which are still
important to them and active many years later.
Think about your own close personal friends. How long have you known them?
Did you start school or preschool with them? Do you maintain friendships with
people from your earlier life? Have you stayed close to, or in contact with, people
from previous years or places you have lived?
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© NSW DET 2010
If you have maintained these relationships then they are important to you and it
shows that the friendships/relationships formed early in life as children are
important and valid and should be taken seriously by adults. So when
circumstances in a child’s life change it is important to consider these friendships
and provide opportunities for these to be maintained and not dismissed as ‘they’ll
get over it and make new friends’.
Sure, new friendships and relationships may be formed, but lost relationships and
broken friendships hurt children just as much as adults. A supportive caregiver will
recognise this and provide opportunities to build new relationships, maintain
current relationships and cope with changes to relationships and friendships.
Establishing supportive relationships
In order to build a supportive relationship with children you first need to establish
a trusting and responsive relationship that forms a base for extending and
developing further interactions.
Activity 4
Strategies for building relationships
There are a number of simple strategies used by childcare workers to help form
relationships with children. If you have the opportunity, view the video Mia-Mia A
New Vision for Day Care, Part 3 ‘Building relationships’.
Some of the strategies discussed in the video and other effective ideas are:
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provide opportunities for a relaxed and unhurried separation of parent
and child
have orientation visits for the child to the centre prior to being left for the
first time
parents leaving children in care for short periods prior to being left for
lengthy periods
providing space for parents and children to relax and be comfortable
together before the parent’s departure
developing links between home and care
with school aged children this may include taking children on the bus and
familiarising them with the bus, route and bus stops
sharing the day with families and encouraging children to remember daily
happenings and pass them onto family
taking time to interact with children and use two way conversations
allow the children to know who you are, share information about your
family, weekend etc
provide photos of children, families and activities and events at the centre
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© NSW DET 2010
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providing opportunities for children to be together and to share
experiences
providing opportunities for children to interact with each other and work
in small, collaborative groups
anticipate problems before they occur and plan a response (eg if you
know that a child has difficulty settling with new staff and there is a casual
in the room today, talk to the staff member about it, greet the child at the
door and explain why there is another staff member and personally
introduce them).
A way to help children to form relationships is to provide
opportunities for them to work in small groups
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
Encourage children to communicate,
listen and treat them with respect
Caregivers are responsible for ensuring that children develop positive
communication skills to enable them to function effectively and express their
needs, interests and feelings.
As with many things, one of the most effective ways of showing children positive
communication skills is to model them. Caregivers should always use positive
language.
Positive communication means ensuring that all interactions and situations where
we pass on information, feelings and comments to children and others, including
verbal and non-verbal communication is phrased in a positive manner. Even
though it can be difficult, caregivers need to remove negative language, sayings
and non-verbal gestures from their interactions with children, families and other
staff.
Praise and encouragement given to children needs to be sincere and realistically
reflect what has happened—it is inappropriate to just say ‘well done’ or ‘good
boy/girl’. Caregivers need to ensure that children know what they did and why it
is valued.
Scenario
Toby, three years old, finds it difficult to interact with other children and
finds ways to avoid mixing and playing games with others in the group
unless there is a caregiver supporting him. Brooke, his primary caregiver,
has been thinking about how she can support him while encouraging his
interactions. Today, Toby has the job of handing out the hand towels as
part of the hand washing routine before lunch. Toby needed Brooke to be
nearby but managed to hand out the paper towels and talk briefly to a
number of children. All the children addressed Toby personally and
thanked him for their paper towel. When handing Toby his paper towel at
the end, Brooke said, ‘Thank you Toby for handing out the paper towel.
You did a great job and helped us all get ready for morning tea.’
Brooke’s language tells Toby much more than ‘well done’. Using positive,
respectful and valuing language and interactions, allows children to develop a
sense of achievement, a feeling of contribution to the group and a sense of value.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
11
Listening and responding to children
Listening to children is a vital part of the childcare worker’s role. Caregivers often
feel that they spend the whole day listening but sometimes we only think we are.
Often caregivers are asked a question, or for permission to do something and
respond without thinking or even listening. No wonder children feel confused,
unsure of themselves and frustrated.
If we are to be effective caregivers and to provide for and respond to children’s
emotional wellbeing then we need to practise active listening. We need to
actually listen to what the child is saying, make eye contact to show that the
child’s thoughts and words are valuable, reflect back what is being said or asked
so the child can confirm and know we are listening, and ensure that the options
available to the child are not only realistic but able to be achieved.
When caregivers actively listen to children then feelings of worth, value and
respect are conveyed.
Activity 5
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
Encourage opportunities to express
feelings and emotions appropriately
As caregivers we need to provide interactions and an environment that fosters
the values, beliefs and interaction styles that our society and community perceive
as important. If we want children to be caring, compassionate and sensitive then
our interactions with them must reflect that. Strategies to promote this would be:
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addressing children by name
using a quiet and calm voice to talk with children
responding to inappropriate behaviours with positive language and
ensuring the behaviour not the child is labelled as inappropriate
modelling the desired values, traits and interactions
providing an environment that fosters and facilitates personal
interactions, use of collaborative experiences and equipment that needs
two or more to work it
preparing children for changes in advance, telling them when changes are
about to occur and giving warning so play can be finished
when changes could make some children feel uneasy ensure that they are
provided with opportunities to understand and work through changes (eg
a new staff member, talking about who is coming, showing a picture,
asking children for ways to welcome them, plan a welcome morning tea or
a sign)
valuing and respecting the children by recognising the importance of
contribution and intent rather than outcomes only (eg when a child
decides to organise a drink for a friend but spills milk all over the floor,
thanking them for being kind and getting a drink for the friend rather than
chastising them over the spilt milk).
Interacting to support emotional
wellbeing
Responsive caregivers not only respond to children’s needs in all developmental
areas but also support the children’s needs through their interactions with each
child.
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© NSW DET 2010
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Many caregivers find that providing support in some developmental areas is
easier than others. For example, when children are developing physical skills such
as climbing, caregivers can structure the environment to make climbing
achievable, use encouraging and supportive language and gestures. It can be
relatively easy to see how the child is performing in the attempt. With emotional
development and children’s emotional wellbeing some caregivers think it’s a little
more difficult, mainly because these are difficult areas to see.
But in reality it’s not any more difficult. Caregivers can support children through
their interactions by ensuring that all interactions reflect respect and value of
each child. The environment can be structured to provide opportunities for
children to interact with others and promote feelings of value, worth and
friendship.
Activity 6
Providing supportive play experiences
Play is an important part of a young child’s life. It is how children:
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learn about relationships
develop problem solving skills
gain knowledge about others and how they act and interact
‘test’ out ideas¸ try new things and take on other roles
develop pro-social skills
extend and develop imaginative and creative skills
learn about cooperating
learn about negotiation
develop appropriate language skills
gain knowledge about the world around them
release emotions safely.
Childcare workers need to ensure that children are not only given opportunities to
develop and enhance play skills and knowledge but also facilitate play so that it
supports children’s wellbeing and development of positive self-esteem.
Activity 7
Expressing emotions through play
Caregivers need to not only identify and respond to children’s emotional needs
but also develop strategies for meeting these needs that involve play and play
with other children.
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© NSW DET 2010
A wide variety of open-ended play experiences should be available to children and
caregivers need to be involved in the play. The involvement should enhance and
facilitate the play not take over it.
Where children have emotional needs play can often provide a forum for working
through or resolving issues and feelings. Play therapy is used by child
psychologists to identify areas of concern and provide a way for children to
manage and resolve their needs/feelings.
Sensory play can be an emotional release
Sensory play experiences are particularly useful for children as an emotional
release. These include water play, finger painting, playdough, clay, bubble play,
mud and sand. Dramatic play, story telling and puppet play also enables children
to explore and resolve feelings in a safe and less confronting manner.
Caregivers should observe children’s play and be aware of the play themes.
Where play becomes violent or hurtful then it is important that the caregiver
redirects the play and supports the feelings of all the children. Encouraging
children to put their feelings into words and identifying the behaviour (rather than
child) as unwanted, allows for the child to take some control over what’s
happening and aids the development of a positive self-esteem.
If a child who continually hits due to frustration, anger and feelings of
helplessness, is labelled as ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’ then the child will soon learn to
believe this. If the child is clearly told by other children that they don’t like being
hit and it hurts and to please stop, the child learns that it is the behaviour, hitting,
that is unwanted, not him/her.
A programme, which is responsive to children’s emotional wellbeing, will be rich
in play experiences that provide opportunities for children to explore their
feelings, relationships and place in the world.
For lots of practical and useful ideas for play experiences that support emotional
wellbeing it is suggested that learners access a copy of The Crisis Manual for Early
Childhood Teachers and read Chapter 23, ‘Curriculum ideas and activities’.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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Deal with emotional outbursts in a
calm and consistent manner while
minimising disruption to other children
Stress is an interesting section in our world today. Many of the problems
experienced by people and issues of concern are often said to be caused by stress.
We often hear about workers on stress leave or that particular jobs are very
stressful. But what do we really mean when we say ‘stress’?
Stress can influence our physical wellbeing (increased heart rate, sweating), our
emotional wellbeing and also how we interact with others. People who handle
stress well are better able to cope in situations where there is extreme anxiety or
difficulty than those who find stress upsetting. Children can find stress a very
difficult feeling to work through and cope with.
Fears and anxieties
Young children have fears and anxieties—things, objects or situations that they
are afraid of or make them feel uneasy.
Remember the monster under the bed? Being afraid of the dark? Hiding when you
heard thunder? Walking the long way to avoid the barking dog?
Activity 8
It is natural and perfectly ‘normal’ for children to experience fears and anxieties.
With preschool aged children, fears can be either based in reality or be imaginary.
The development of imaginary fears is linked to the child’s growing ability to
mentally (internally) represent and manipulate images and ideas. As children
become older and develop more knowledge about themselves and the world they
also become increasingly aware of their own vulnerability. It is difficult for young
children to distinguish between reality and fantasy so what may appear to be a
‘silly’ concern to adults may be frighteningly real to children. It is common for
young children to experience nightmares and ‘bad’ dreams as they work through
fears, reality and fantasy.
Responsive caregivers will acknowledge and accept children’s fears and anxieties
as ‘real’ and important. They will provide emotional support to the children and
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
help them to develop strategies to cope with these feelings. Responsive
caregivers will also provide children with creative opportunities for children to
express how they feel and help them to see the difference between reality and
fantasy.
The following scenario outlines an experience I had in my very first position out of
university.
Tony, aged five, has just started school and although he settled well at first
he has become increasingly reluctant to go to school and is very
withdrawn, anxious and upset. These feelings of anxiousness seem to
increase as the day goes on and are only relieved when mum arrives to
collect him. The anxiousness began to increase rapidly and Tony began to
display physical signs of being unwell and needing his mother to be called
to collect him. Staff and his mother were at a loss to explain why he was
feeling this way and Tony had difficulty describing how he felt or why.
After about a week of this behaviour and with continued talks to his
family, the grandmother came to collect him. On talking to grandma about
the situation it was discovered that one of her friends had died recently
and Tony had asked about it. Trying to be sensitive, grandma explained a
little about dying and that everyone eventually dies. When staff talked
with Tony, it was discovered that he was fearful that his mum and baby
sister were going to die also and that it might happen soon or while he
was at school.
Armed with this information staff, parents and grandma were able to
reassure Tony and together worked out some strategies to help him cope.
It is difficult to know how the mind of a young child will internalise information.
Fears are very real and can become consuming for a young child. When we
provide children with information we need to consider the ways they may
interpret it and make sure that information is at a suitable developmental level.
Caregivers need to monitor children’s emotional status and when fears or
anxieties surface they need to be acknowledged and worked through. It is vital
that caregivers work closely with families to do this.
Signs of stress and distress
When children are experiencing stress or distress there is no neon sign that lights
up above their head but there are a number of cues they give to indicate their
distress. For infants signs and cues of distress can be crying, screaming, pushing
away, becoming withdrawn and many others. Older children may also display
these cues but often the signs of stress will appear to be something else. Many
children who are stressed often present as having social problems—they may be
aggressive or attention seeking or unresponsive, withdrawn and lacking peer
relationships.
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If possible read the article ‘Helping children cope with stress’. Available from
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/human/pubs/copestress.html
This reading will help you to identify some of the signs of stress in children aged
two to six years.
Monitoring children for signs of stress
As with all indicators of concerns in children stress and associated signs and
behaviours need to be observed and monitored. Childcare workers routinely keep
developmental observations and summaries on children in the service so there is
already a written way for recording behaviours.
Caregivers need to know the children in their care and notice when changes in
behaviour occur. These changes should be discussed with the family and with the
other room staff so possible causes can be explored.
Sometimes stress and associated behaviours are short term and can be easily
managed whereas long term concerns need to not only be addressed and
strategies developed to manage the stress but also monitored on a regular basis.
Activity 9
It is important in this situation that the child be allowed to have whatever
comforter they need (within reason), so it would be important to either get
Cooper’s dummy or encourage him to get it for himself. Comforting children when
hurt or distressed
How can we help children when they are in stressful or distressing situations?
Telling them not to worry won’t help, as it is not a strategy that works with any
age group including adults.
Activity 10
Activity 11
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Comfort children when hurt or
distressed
Coping with grief and loss
What is grief and loss?
Most adults associate grief with the death of someone close to them, but it can
also cover many other areas and events.
The following are clear and useful definitions of grief and loss (Parker, 1995):
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Loss: The actual event of losing something or a person (eg through
separation or death).
Grief: Describes physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological reactions.
Love, anger, fear, frustration, loneliness and guilt are all part of the grief
process.
Bereavement: The period of adjustment to loss.
Situations where children may experience grief and
loss
For children there are many situations where they may experience grief and loss.
Some spring to mind quickly such as the death of a pet or the death of a
significant person in the child’s life, others are:
loss of a pet
relationship breakdown
death in the family
Sudden Infant Death
Syndrome (SIDS)
miscarriage and stillbirth
trauma – accidents, war,
riots etc
domestic violence
moving house
friend moving away/leaving
terminal illness in the
family
physical abuse
sexual abuse
emotional abuse
living in a substance abuse
situation
migration
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These crisis situations can cause intense feelings in both adults and children.
Children may not have the language skills to express their feelings but they still
experience the feelings often as intensely as adults.
How children respond to grief and loss—behavioural
changes
Children do not always grieve the same way adults grieve. They can move in and
out of grief and so appear to be coping when they are not.
Adults often respond to grief first with a sense of intense shock and may display
physical signs such as faster heart beat, weak limbs—need to sit down, may faint,
intense crying. Later as reality sinks in they may have changes in their sleeping
patterns, inability to make decisions, loss of appetite, need to be near someone to
talk to. On occasions adults will also go through a period of denial where they do
not believe it has happened, thinking that it can’t be true. This can be followed by
feelings of guilt. Adults tell others what is happening to them and how they are
feeling and will often use language to hypothesise reasons or rationalise what has
happened.
Children generally do not use language to explain their feelings, but can display
behavioural changes that alert adults to their needs. When adults in the family are
also experiencing grief these behaviours can be extremely difficult to deal with
and children are often thought of as ‘naughty’ or just trying to get attention.
For more information about grief and loss and young children, read the article
‘Grief in children’ on the SA Youth and Child Health website. Available from:
http://www.cyh.com/cyh/parensections/usr_index0.stm?section_id=69
You may also find it useful to read:
Parker J (1995) Understanding Grief and Loss, AECA Resource Book Series, vol 2,
no 4, AECA Canberra.
These readings discuss various aspects of grief and loss and describe some of the
behaviours that children experiencing grief and loss may exhibit. A few of these
are:
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‘switching off’, acting as if they haven’t
taken in what has happened
acting like a younger child
anger or aggression to friends, parents or
toys
being clumsy
clinginess—wanting to be near adults
easily upset
eating problems, eating too much or too
little
fear of separation
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
low self-esteem and self-blame
physical pain such as stomach aches or
headaches
problems with school work
sleeping problems, bad dreams
temper tantrums (too much feeling)
unusual play behaviours.
Accepting children’s right to experience loss
Many adults will acknowledge the child’s right to grieve for a major loss, but can
find it difficult if the loss does not also carry the same intensity to them. For
example, when a pet dies it is a significant loss for the child, especially if the pet
plays a major part in the child’s life. Occasionally adults will see this as less
significant and downplay the child’s feelings- ‘We’ll get you another fish.’
Feelings of grief and loss do not go away just because something has been
replaced. No matter what the loss is if it causes the child to experience a feeling of
grief or a sense of loss then the child has the right to grieve.
Childcare workers need to be aware of times children are experiencing a sense of
loss remembering that families will always inform the centre and staff of major
losses in the child’s life such as the death of a family member. It is important as
part of the relationship with parents to find out about what is current in the
child’s life and how it may affect his/her wellbeing. Monitoring of emotional
status is important as it is the changes in a child’s behaviour that often alert
caregivers and parents as to how the child is coping and feeling.
If a child is going through a period of loss be prepared to spend extra time with
that child, be willing to be there to listen if needed, offer emotional support and
consistent care.
Children’s feelings are valid and important and should be treated with respect by
staff. No matter how small or minor adults consider the loss to be if the child is
feeling a sense of loss then it’s important.
Responsive childcare workers will allow children time to grieve and acknowledge
that each child will deal with loss in their own way and in their own time frame.
The caregivers role is to be there providing a stable, consistent and secure
environment that helps promote feelings of security and safety in the child.
Strategies to help children manage grief and loss
It’s important to help children manage grief and loss and provide opportunities for
children to work through feelings and needs.
Some strategies for dealing with major changes and crisis in children’s lives were
discussed in an earlier section.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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When there has been a death in the child’s family (even if it is a pet) the following
strategies are a useful starting point:
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Find out exactly what has happened and gain as much information as you
can about how the child may be feeling and behaviours that are being
displayed.
Discuss what has happened and explain as clearly as possible,
remembering to tailor information to children’s needs and levels of
understanding.
Observe children’s emotional status and monitor children. Respond to
needs quickly and appropriately.
Reassure children that it’s okay to be sad—give them the words to express
how they feel.
Ensure that their fears, anxieties or fantasies are addressed promptly.
Provide children with an environment where it is safe to grieve.
Have quiet areas, private areas and ensure children’s comforters are
available.
Read stories that deal with death in a positive manner while
acknowledging and allowing for grief.
Give children permission to grieve, ‘It’s okay to be sad when your cat
dies.’
Provide children with opportunities to explore life and its changes through
simple play and stories.
Provide lots of opportunities for dramatic play and also puppet play.
Be patient and allow the child the time to grieve.
Find out more about support groups that might help provide information
on dealing with grief or the specific issue the child is facing.
When the death involves other staff in the centre, ensure that a support
mechanism is set up for them or that professional counselling is available.
If you notice that the situation with the child is not improving, talk to the
family, and be prepared to seek further professional advice.
Provide workers and families with contact numbers or Internet addresses
for services where they can get more information.
Provide play experiences for the children to express feelings—have lots of
opportunities to draw, paint and so on.
When children are distressed provide them with comfort. Use appropriate
physical comfort and touch. If the child needs a cuddle give them one. It is
important to maintain close relationships with children. Remember to pat
or rock children to sleep if this is what they need and want, especially if
they ask.
When you are aware that there is a likelihood of a family member’s death,
help the child by explaining what is happening.
Explain to children about the things that happen around a person’s death
such as the funeral. Stay in constant contact with the family so that a
consistent message is given.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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Focus on some of the happy memories the child has shared and make a
simple scrapbook.
Give real explanations—avoid saying they died because they were old or
sick as young children may view this differently and become more
anxious.
There are many more ways to help. Research some of your own. An example of an
Internet site and books to help you expand your knowledge on loss, reactions of
children and ways to respond to children are:
Sids and kids online http://www.sidsaustralia.org.au
Miller K (1998) (Clark S and Kearns K Australian Edition) The Crisis Manual for
Early Childhood Teachers, Pademelon Press, Castle Hill.
Parker J (1995) Understanding Grief and Loss, AECA Resource Book Series, vol 2,
no 4, AECA Canberra.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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Ensure children are informed
appropriately and prepared for any
change
Types of change
There are many types of change and changing situations that children may
experience in their lives. Change is a necessary part of growth and development
both physically and emotionally. Some people thrive on change whereas others
find change frightening, stressful and prefer to avoid it. Children are the same—
some manage and cope with change well and others will experience a high level
of difficulty.
Whether we like change or not it is part of life and we need to learn to manage
change and cope emotionally and so do children.
Strategies to help children manage
change
In order to help children to manage change we as caregivers need to be sensitive
to the needs of the children and implement strategies which will allow children to
feel some type of control over the change so it can become a positive for them
rather than always a negative. We need to bear in mind that sometimes changes
are unpleasant, very difficult to deal with and are unable to be undone.
Some suggested strategies for managing change are:
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talking to children about the change
discussing what is going to happen and how it might feel
providing children with opportunities to experience change in their own
environment and to be in control of the change
respecting children’s fears and anxieties about change no matter how
trivial it appears to adults
providing children with strategies to manage fears and anxieties
involving children in the decision making about the change
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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acknowledging children’s feelings and concerns
providing children with opportunities to practise or work through some
expected changes such as moving rooms
providing comforting and familiar environments
providing play opportunities to work through change
providing familiar play experiences
maintaining consistency of staff where necessary
providing a consistent environment
reading stories about that type of change.
There are many more strategies that will also aid children’s management of
change.
Routines and change
Consistent and predictable routines are also important when preparing children
for change. A stable and consistent base provides a sense of comfort,
predictability and security and makes it easier for children to move into new or
unfamiliar situations. When a child moves into the three to five room for the first
time it is much easier to cope if he/she knows the general layout of the day. The
same can be said for learners attending adult study—often you are unsure of
what to expect but if you are given a timetable or agenda to follow life is easier.
Consistency makes it easier to cope.
Managing transitions
Moving from one experience to another within the daily routine of a childcare
service can also cause children stress and anxiety. Children may fear that
someone else will take their toy if they go in to wash their hands. Children can
also worry that they won’t be able to continue or finish the experience they are
involved in. The transition from one experience to another can also trigger a
resurgence of separation anxiety if the child is still having difficulty settling into
care.
It is vital that we give children warning about transitions and allow them to finish
off their experience or provide a way it can be left and returned to later. Don’t
leave children waiting and unoccupied during transition times. Individual or small
group rather than whole group transitions work most effectively.
Managing major changes and crises in children’s lives
Previously in this section you made a simple list of some of the changes that
children experience in their lives—let’s look at that list again and add a few more.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
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Previous list:
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moving from the infant room to the toddler or preschool room
starting at a new centre
going to school
going to OOSHC services for the first time
catching the bus
moving house
new sibling
new parent/relationship
grandparents moving in
friend moving away
new bed.
Plus:
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loss of a pet
loss of a family member
moving to a new town
moving away from friends
new caregiver or teacher.
Most adults will agree that the above are times of change for children and that
there will need to be some adjustment to meet the change but few actually
recognise that children may go through a range of feelings and emotions that are
intense and difficult to manage. Adults often feel, and many will openly state, that
children are adaptable and cope better than adults to change. This is not really so.
Sure there are some children who do manage change well and cope easily just as
there are adults who do, but there are also large numbers of children who find
change stressful, scary and hard to manage.
Adults have the added benefit that when they are experiencing difficulty coping
with change they have the language skills and the emotional knowledge to put
their feelings and concerns into words to let others know how they are feeling
and the amount of help needed. This is not the case for children. Children need
help to recognise their feelings, strategies to help them manage change
successfully and the words and messages to use to let others know about the
situation.
The most effective way, as caregivers, we can help and support children to
manage change successfully, is to acknowledge that change is difficult for
children. Also acknowledge that children have feelings and their fears and
anxieties associated with change are real and should be addressed.
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
Helping children recognise and accept major changes
How can we help children to recognise and accept change? It’s not easy, but one
of the most effective ways is to help children predict when major changes will
occur in their lives and plan for these changes throughout the year. Children in the
three to five room or a preschool are told throughout the year and especially into
the last three months of the year that next year they will be going to big school.
Parents do the same.
Childcare workers need to talk to children about changes that occur in their lives
and implement strategies to help children manage these.
Reading stories can be a good way to prepare children for changes to their lives
Some of the simpler ways to prepare children are to read stories about changes in
life, use picture discussions, talk about events happening with the families within
the service. As with all emotional needs it is vital that childcare workers and
families accept children’s feelings about change be they positive or negative.
Change can be exciting—like getting a new car, but it can also be scary—like
moving house.
Remember that children view things a little differently.
Consider the following scenario.
Teresa, four years old, was excited about moving house and spent much
time at preschool telling her friends and her teachers that when she gets a
new house she will have a bigger room. On the day of the move Teresa
came to preschool upset. When her teacher asked what was wrong she
became tearful and said that the moving truck was taking them to their
new house. Her teacher started to talk about how things go into the truck
and are taken to the new house. Teresa said she was sad because she was
leaving her house and toys. When her teacher told her that all her toys,
clothes would be taken to the new house by the movers she became a
little happier. Teresa had assumed that at the new house would be all new
things and she would not have her favourite toys and playthings.
As adults we need to take time to carefully explain all aspects of change that may
affect the child. Of course there will be times when during major changes children
do not need every single piece of information. All major changes need to be
discussed with families in advance so that all stakeholders are aware of the most
appropriate information to give the child.
Individual responses to change
Children are unique and not all will respond the same way to change—the same
as not all adults embrace change happily. Childcare workers need to ensure that
at all times children’s individual needs and responses are addressed.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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There is no right or wrong way for children to act during times of change. Working
with children, I have been continually surprised by their reactions over time. A
responsive childcare worker will tailor responses to the situation and the child. It
is important that childcare workers monitor the child’s emotional status in times
of major change and match caregiving to the child’s individual needs.
Strategies to help children cope with
major change or crises
There are many strategies we use everyday to help children manage change.
Think back to earlier in this section where you explored and identified some
strategies to manage change.
To find detailed information and ideas on a number of major changes that effect
children look at the following resources:
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Miller K (1998) (Clark S and Kearns K Australian Edition) The Crisis Manual
for Early Childhood Teachers, Pademelon Press, Castle Hill.
The South Australian Parenting website has a number of parent articles
(‘Parent Easy Guides’) that outline changes in children’s lives, their
responses and ways to manage the change.
Types of major change or crises that effect children
The following is a list of some of the major changes or emotional crises in
children’s lives and some simple strategies to help children cope (adapted from
Miller, 1998).
New baby
Read stories about new babies.
Have books, pictures of babies to talk about.
Bring in photos of all children and staff as babies and talk about changes.
Reassure the child they will not be replaced—they are loved, parents and families
have enough love to go around.
Involve child in preparation for baby.
Talk about the importance of being a big sister or brother, find stories to read.
Separation
Provide the child with consistent care in the service to promote security.
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
Encourage the child to express feelings through play experiences.
Accept how the child is feeling. Find books or stories where separation is dealt
with positively.
Be aware of the child’s emotional status and respond when needed.
Reinforce parental love—child is still loved.
Ensure that child feels secure in the childcare environment by providing a primary
caregiver.
Establish arrival routines and rituals to promote security and stability.
Use attachment curriculum and focus on caregiving needs.
Step family
Be available to talk with the child about how they are feeling. Encourage the
family to talk with staff about what is happening so you can support the child.
Read books, stories about extended families or step-families. Find out about
things that are fun to do with brothers and sisters.
Bring in family photos and look at similarities between families in the
service.Allow time for children to settle into family changes and recognise that
unusual or inappropriate behaviours are a way of expressing stress.
Find out about support services.
Child illnesses, hospitalisation
Find out more about the child’s condition—talk to families, research. Seek out any
support groups for further information.
Acknowledge the child’s fears and be prepared to listen.
Encourage dramatic play and provide appropriate props.
Talk about what’s happening in simple terms, what happens at the hospital, is
there toys to play with etc.
Find stories or pictures about sick children and discuss these positively.
Be honest with children.
Go on an excursion to the hospital.
Make cards, drawings, letters, videos, photos to send the child.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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Domestic violence
Emotional abuse due to exposure to domestic violence is notifiable and should
not be handled by centre staff as an issue of emotional support alone.
Intervention may be needed and centre staff should check with the Department
of Community Services when they are concerned for a child.
Be available to listen to the child and be empathetic to their feelings and needs.
If the child is untidy or unfed, avoid embarrassing the child—organise to deal with
this discreetly.
Reassure the child that the violence is not their fault.
Provide a safe and consistent environment for the child.
Allow opportunities for the child to express feelings through play.
Help the child to use words during conflict rather than actions.
Reinforce the child’s feelings of self-esteem and competence.
Help the child to establish friendships within the centre.
Seek professional advice and check out support groups.
Child abuse
Childcare workers are mandatory reporters of child abuse. It is important that
where there are concerns for the child’s wellbeing it is reported. If you are
concerned a child is in an abuse situation you must report it.
Believe what children tell you—young children do not often make up these types
of stories.
Listen to the child without being judgemental.
Seek professional advice.
Provide consistent care.
Make time for the child.
Provide opportunities for dramatic play.
Ensure that you make the child feel safe by providing a familiar, consistent and
supportive environment.
Provide lots of play opportunities for the expression of feelings.
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Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
Substance abuse in the family
If there are concerns about the wellbeing and welfare of the child or you feel the
child is being neglected then you are required to notify your concerns to the
Department of Community Services. Childcare workers are mandatory reporters.
Be available to listen to the child and be empathetic to their feelings and needs.
If the child is unfed or untidy, avoid embarrassing the child—organise to deal with
this discreetly.
Provide a secure and consistent environment for the child at the centre.
Encourage dramatic and expressive play.
Build on the child’s self-expression skills.
Be dependable and develop trust with the child.
Seek advice and help from professionals and support groups
Natural disasters/trauma
Acknowledge that this is a frightening thing for children to experience and provide
emotional comfort and support. Talk with the children about what has happened,
and where possible, provide some background information (eg in the case of a
flood talk about how flooding happens etc).
Have discussions about what to do to prepare for big storms/floods, fire drills etc.
Provide opportunities for children to re-enact the event to help them gain some
control over the situation—remember that if this becomes the only play the child
is involved in to seek further help.
Organise for visitors or excursions to fire stations, police and ambulance, to
familiarise children with emergency services.
Seek out support organisations.
Arrange for professional debriefing for children involved in a disaster or major
trauma.
Become aware of symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and seek help if
children display indicators.
Provide play/art materials for children to express feelings.
Family member illness/hospitalisation
Encourage the family to tell the child what is happening and to be factual and
honest.
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Allow time for the child to adjust to the situation.
Be available to support the child and provide consistent care.
Reassure the child they are not responsible for the illness.
Encourage the child to make pictures and cards for the sick person.
Take photos to share with the sick person.
Provide opportunities for dramatic and expressive play.
Provide children with real life props such as a stethoscope etc to explore.
Managing school problems
One of the common problems that occur in schools is bullying. It is becoming a
major issue within our society and there are a number of organisations and
government departments working on ways to address the issue of bullying and
the impact it has on both children and adults.
Sadly, for many years it was accepted as a part of growing up and children were
told to ‘stand up’ for themselves. Bullying relies on power and making another
child or person feel not only less valuable but emotionally vulnerable.
When thinking of bullying, many people tend to focus on physical aggression, but
‘non-physical’ bullying is just as prevalent and equally damaging to children. This
type of bullying includes exclusion, whispering campaigns and verbal cruelty such
as name-calling.
When children are excluded from games or activities on a regular basis by other
children, or are subjected to verbal taunts or name calling, it is important that
caregivers intervene and make it clear to all that it is not acceptable.
It is important that caregivers be on the lookout for signs indicating that children
are being excluded from games or activities
Bullying
The victims of bullying tend to have the following characteristics:
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low self-esteem
insecurity
lack of social skills
don’t pick up on social cues
cry or become emotionally distraught easily
are unable to defend or stand up for themselves.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
In some cases children actually provoke the bully by teasing and egging them on.
The ‘victim’ doesn’t know when to stop and then can’t effectively defend
themselves when the balance of power shifts to the bully.
Some strategies to minimise bullying include:
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creating a community that will not tolerate bullying behaviours
teach children who are bullied how to stand up for themselves
teach the bullies themselves alternate ways of handling their own feelings
of not belonging
give both bullies and victims acceptable words for their feelings, limit and
change their behaviour and teach them better ways to express their
feelings and wishes
when preschoolers begin to call people names or use unkind words,
intervene immediately and consistently
challenge bias, unfair or excluding behaviour or language immediately and
consistently
clearly give the ‘This is not okay’ message about bullying behaviour
children who are not bullies or victims should be encouraged to speak up
on behalf of children being bullied.
The victim of bullying could try the following:
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find alternative ways to responding to bullies
avoid reacting, walk away and get help if pursued
agree with the bully, saying ‘You’re right’ and walking away
be assertive but not aggressive.
Bullying is not acceptable within early childhood services or out of school hours
services and childcare workers need to ensure that bullying is discouraged.
In our services it is important that rules and limits are discussed with children and
agreement reached to make sure there is:
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agreement on what is unacceptable behaviour
acceptance of limits and firm rules
agreed consequences when rules/limits are broken
consistent monitoring of all play areas
a realistic reward system for consistent positive behaviour.
Diploma of Children’s Services: CHCCN302A: Reader LO 9200
© NSW DET 2010
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