Nathan Harper
11-19-15
English
What People Do In Order To Survive
All of these people have the drive and will to survive, but will they? A lifeguard finds the
will to swim in shark infested waters to survive; trapped civilians jump desperately out of a
burning skyscraper; a boy jumps in front of a bullet in order to save his mother. In order to
survive, people have been known to go to great lengths. People do things they would not
ordinarily do.
The will to survive is expressed in many way, especially in the movie, “Lifeguard Sharks”.
In the movie there is a lifeguard shack surrounded by sharks in the ocean with a lifeguard
inside. The lifeguard is in the shack and out of nowhere a shark burst furiously into the shack.
The shark then chomps his teeth at the lifeguard, so the lifeguard gets on top of the shack. He is
stuck between to survival decisions; to stay on top of the shack and hope that somebody will
come get him before the shark does, or go to great lengths and find the will to swim to shore in
the shark infested waters. He went to great lengths to do so but, finds the will to swim in the
shark infested waters in order to survive. He finally was safe from the shark and survived. It was
a risky decision, and it wasn’t something he would normally do but he found the will to survive.
Sometimes people will do things they would not ordinarily do in order to survive, even if
it means they die trying; like the civilians on 9/11. On September 11 th, 2001 in New York City
terrorists flew planes into the Twin Towers. The Twin Towers then went up in flames, which
forced the civilians to the top of the towers but, were soon to be trapped. The civilians were
stuck between two survival decisions; hope that the fire stops, or jump out of the windows in
order to survive. This proves that people will do things they normally wouldn’t do in order to
survive because people normally don’t jump out of the window of a skyscraper.
Some people will go to great lengths for someone else, in order for them to survive. This
is shown in many movies, including the movie “Mars Needs Moms”. In this movie the boy risks
his life in order for his mom to survive. The son is walking on Mars with his mom and out of
nowhere a Martian jumps in front of them. The Martian then pulls his gun out and points it at
the mother. Then the Martian moves his finger to pull the trigger. The boy notices this and risks
his life by stepping in front of his mom, and while doing so the Martian shoots his gun. Not
meaning to, the Martian shoots the boy and kills him. The boy went to great lengths to do so
but, risks his life in order to save his mother.
The lifeguard found the will to swim in the shark infested waters, the trapped civilians
jumped desperately out of the burning skyscraper, boy jumps in front of a bullet in order to
save his mother. These examples have proven that people will to go great lengths and do
things they wouldn’t normally do in order to survive.
Nathan Harper
11-19-15
English
On a 6-point scale, here’s your score: 4
This response demonstrates competent success with the expository writing task. For the most
part, the essay:
focuses on a clear thesis, with minor distractions
shows effective organization, with minor lapses
offers mostly thoughtful ideas
develops ideas adequately, with a mixture of general and specific elaboration
exhibits general control of written language
Analytic Feedback for Your Essay
Our system has analyzed your essay for 4 important writing traits:
Content and Development
Focus and Organization
Effective Sentences
Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics
Study the statements that describe each trait to help you improve your writing.
Content and Development
Your essay shows competent ability for this trait. For the most part, the essay:
uses some meaningful and thoughtful ideas
elaborates and supports some ideas with a mixture of general and specific details, reasons,
explanations, and/or examples
Nathan Harper
11-19-15
English
Focus and Organization
Your essay shows competent ability for this trait. For the most part, the essay:
addresses the prompt, but may include minor digressions
shows some awareness of audience
displays effective organization and transitions, with minor lapses
demonstrates general unity and completeness
Effective Sentences
Your essay shows competent ability for this trait. For the most part, the essay:
generally forms sentences correctly but with occasional errors
demonstrates sentence quality with few, if any, awkward sentences
displays some variety in sentence types, lengths, structures, and beginnings
displays some fluency
Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics
Your essay shows competent ability for this trait. For the most part, the essay:
demonstrates general command of language conventions
exhibits general command of spelling, punctuation, and capitalization