FINCHLEY REFORM
SYNAGOGUE
FAMILY
PASSPORT:
A B’NEI MITVAH
GUIDE FOR PARENTS
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INTRODUCTION
FRS B’nei Mitzvah are unique. From the way that we prepare at Friday
Group and TAP (Tuesday Afternoon Programme) to the atmosphere we
have at the Friday night service, B’nei Mitzvah are a true example of what
makes this community special.
At the heart of the process is Friday Group. Anyone visiting FRS on a
Friday evening will be struck by the level of concentration and
commitment. With young people working in pairs around the building
there is a real sense of a young community learning together.
We look forward to you joining us!
Cantor Zöe Jacobs
Suzanne Lynn
Friday Group Co-ordinator
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A BRIEF OUTLINE
B’nei Mitzvah Mentors
 Families will be allocated a Mentor who will help guide them
throughout the B’nei Mitzvah process. These mentors are parents
who have recently been through the process themselves and are
best placed to provide guidance and answer questions.
B’nei Mitzvah Launchpad
Families are invited to the B’nei Mitzvah Launchpad at least a year
before they are due to start Friday Group. This evening includes an
introduction to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process at FRS and is facilitated by
the FRS Clergy team.
 At this meeting families have the opportunity to become familiar with
all the activities and programmes aimed at B’nei Mitzvah students.

Friday Group Induction Evening

Pupils start Friday Group in ‘cohorts’ approximately nine academic
months before their B’nei Mitzvah.

Upon starting Friday Group, parents and students are invited to an
induction meeting to introduce them to the Friday Group process.
Friday Group

Friday Group runs from 5.15pm to 7.30pm on Fridays during term time.
This includes the Friday night service from 6:30-7:30pm. We encourage
families to join their child for the service.

Pupils are assessed and monitored regularly by the clergy and other
Friday Group staff.

If you are unsure whether Friday group is meeting, please check the
FRS calendar and the weekly e-mail.
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HOW FRIDAY GROUP WORKS
Friday group is where most of the individual Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation
takes place at FRS. Friday group is held during term time, although
naturally it is expected that students will continue their preparation
individually and with their helpers through all holiday periods.
Each student is allocated an individual helper - a teenager who has been
through Friday group and who has been trained to help a younger
person through this process. The pair work together every week at the
synagogue, have regular telephone contact, and meet during the
longer school holidays. The helpers, in turn, are supported by the Friday
Group team to develop their skills and, together, provide all necessary
support.
Pupils and helpers work through a personalised checklist which gives
specific target dates for the completion of each aspect of the
preparation, including major prayers and the Torah portion and
Haftarah. All the necessary elements of preparation for Bar/Bat Mitzvah
are covered in Friday Group.
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WHAT DOES THE STUDENT LEARN?
Each student is unique, so this suggested list may not suit every individual.
If you feel your child may need a more tailored approach, please be in
touch with us.
Meanwhile, most pairs at Friday Group work through a personalised
checklist in preparation for their Bar or Bat Mitzvah. This prepares for the
two main aspects of the ceremony at FRS:
 Leading much of the Friday night service
 Introducing their torah portion, then reading from the Torah and the
Haftarah on Shabbat morning
The elements of the service prepared and skills acquired include:
For the Kabbalat Shabbat Service
 To be able to lead and sing the Kiddush, motzi and candle blessings
 To be able to lead the Shema.
 To sing the songs and prayers of the Kabbalat Shabbat service.
 To lead a large portion of the Kabbalat Shabbat service, either
independently or with support from a helper or an adult.
For the Shabbat Morning Service
 To read the Ten Commandments
 To recite or sing the brachot (blessings) before and after reading from
the Torah, and those before and after reading the Haftarah.
 To read and/or leyn (chant traditional melody) a portion from the
Torah.
 To prepare a d’var torah (introduction), outlining the meaning and
significance of their allocated Torah portion and its significance for
today.
 To read the Haftarah (almost always in English).
In addition, students have the opportunity to choose their own songs and
readings for the Kabbalat Shabbat service and to write their own
personal prayer to be read in front of the ark on the Shabbat morning.
Note: Students will find recordings of blessings and many prayers on the
FRS website: http://frsonline.org/teenagers/bnei-mitzvah/
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TORAH READING OPTIONS
Three ways in which pupils may read their Torah Portion;
1. Reading From The Torah
This is a straightforward reading from the scroll, along with a fitting
translation.
2. Leyning
Leyning (chanting) of the Torah portion can offer a measure of traditional
richness to the Shabbat service. For many students, leyning aids in the
learning process and is therefore encouraged.
3. Line By Line Translation
This means that the pupil reads from the Torah and translates from
memory each line or phrase as he/she reads. This enhances the young
person's understanding of the portion and stimulates the interest of the
congregation.
Haftarah Options
At FRS B’nei Mitzvah the Haftarah will almost always be read in English. It
can be read in Hebrew only if there is enough preparation time to ensure
that it will be read well and if it is decided that this will work for the
community. This decision is usually made with the young people and
families during their one-to-one appointments with the clergy.
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SENs AND INDIVIDUAL TUITION
Preparation for those with Special Education Needs:
At FRS we are committed to supporting young people with special needs
to the best of our ability. However, our resources and specialist skills in this
area are limited. In order for such pupils to receive the best support they
need, may be necessary to arrange additional private tuition during the
preparation period.

In cases where we feel private tuition is necessary, we will discuss
this with the family and help to arrange adult support. The family
may be expected to cover additional costs.*
While we wish to offer every young person the chance to experience the
same process, we also recognise that not everyone is able to or would
choose to take on and confidently achieve the same things.
 We believe in a flexible approach. The service and length of portion
can be tailored to the needs, interests, and ability of the child.
Please inform Cantor Zöe Jacobs or Suzanne Lynn as soon as possible if
your child has any special learning needs.
Individual Support
 Pupils can fall behind for a variety of reasons, and where other
problems are encountered, extra sessions can be arranged. If this
extra support is needed not because of educational needs, but
due to lack of commitment, an alternative plan may be suggested.
*Paying for Private Tuition:
Naturally, if there are any financial difficulties that prevent you from being
able to afford the extra tuition, please speak in confidence to the clergy
team.
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SYNAGOGUE SERVICES
B’nei Mitzvah at FRS are offered the opportunity to lead much of the
Friday night service and to participate in the Shabbat morning service.
The best way for children (and their parents) to become comfortable
with these synagogue services is to attend on a regular basis.
 A young person who attends regularly on Friday night and follows
the service will learn many of the prayers and melodies by
‘osmosis’.
 Attending the Shabbat morning service, particularly for other B’nei
Mitzvah, will not only support the rest of the group, but will ensure
that the whole family becomes comfortable with the
choreography of the ceremony for their own special day.
 Pupils at Friday Group are expected to attend the Kabbalat
Shabbat service, as well as Shabbat morning services on a regular
basis.
**Please note that young people are not supervised during or after
services. **
A Family Experience
 Services should also be a meaningful family experience
demonstrating a family commitment to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
process.
 Bar/Bat Mitzvah is an opportunity for the whole family to develop
their spiritual lives and one aspect of this is shul attendance.
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THE PARENTAL ROLE
Practice
 It is important that Friday Group students get into a routine of
practising as early in the process as possible. It is not enough to
come to Friday Group each week – pupils must practice at home.
 Pupils should concentrate on the pieces of work that they are
currently learning in the progress checker, but should also look over
the work that they have already done, to prevent them from
getting rusty.
Quantity of practice
 We would recommend that during the first month pupils practise at
least three times a week, building up to daily practice by the third
month. When working on the portion pupils should aim to do at
least 20 minutes a day, five days a week and ultimately, for the last
few months, daily practise – even if in short bursts – is essential.
Phoning and Meeting
 In addition to meeting at Friday Group, pupils and helpers are also
expected to communicate on the phone during the week. We
recommend that pairs arrange a regular time each week when
they will speak.
 Parents should ensure that their children make these phone calls
and should let us know if this is not happening when it is needed.
 Pupils and helpers should meet regularly during the holidays and
parents should facilitate this*.
*We advise that Pupils and helpers should not meet without adult
supervision.
 If, for whatever reason, your child is unable to attend Friday group,
please let us know as soon as possible. Please also inform your
child’s helper, where possible.
Communication
Perhaps the most important parental role is to keep us informed of any
problems or concerns about the preparation for Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
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If pupils are not practising or phoning, are falling behind or are having
problems in any way please let us know. The earlier we find out about
problems the sooner we can try to deal with them.
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BECOMING A HELPER
One of the great advantages of the Friday Group structure is that it
doesn’t stop at Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Young people who have demonstrated
their commitment through their own preparation are invited to train to
become Friday Group helpers themselves.
The role of the helper is threefold: teacher, role model and support. The
training programme includes preparation for these three roles, including:
 The philosophy of Friday group, why they have chosen to become
helpers; what makes a good helper.
 Basic points of Hebrew grammar and pronunciation, including
phrasing and stressing.
 Key teaching skills and a leadership development focussed
specifically on peer teaching.
 The Tanach – what’s in it and what can be found in which books
 The relationship between helper and pupil and how to develop the
potential of that relationship
 Trouble shooting including: how to negotiate with uncooperative
pupils, techniques for dealing with slow learners, people who will not
practice, etc.
 Friday Group skills, such as report writing - accurate and honest report
writing is crucial to the adult staff.
Being a helper offers not only the opportunity to give back to the
community, but also of continuing each individual's own learning and
Jewish education. Helpers gain a valuable insight into Jewish values in
practice and learn the nature and importance of taking responsibility for
their own actions.
FINAL WORDS…
As a family you are now embarking on a very special, once in a lifetime
journey. Please make the time and the effort to get the most out of it. We
are here to listen and to support you. Please do feel free to contact either
Cantor Zöe or Rabbi Miriam at any point.
We wish you every success throughout this journey of learning, exploring
and evolving as individuals and as a family, and look forward to
celebrating with you.
B’hatzlacha (good luck) and Mazal Tov!
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B’nei Mitzvah Family Timeline
According to best practice students will be prepared in a timely manner if they adhere to the
following suggested timeline…
Before Friday Group Begins:
 Induction Meeting explaining more about the process
 Parents will be invited to purchase an MRJ siddur (prayer book) for you, if you do not
already have one
 You will have a folder at Friday Group and a folder to keep at home.
Friday Group Begins:
 You will start by joining a Hebrew group to make sure your Hebrew is up-to-scratch
 You will attend Friday Group & Services (with your family) weekly
 Practise a minimum of three times per week
 Your whole family attends Shabbat morning services regularly
 Begin work on your mitzvah project (see Mitzvah Project Guidelines).
6-7 Months before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
 Cantor Zoe or Suzanne will meet with you to assess your progress (during Friday Group)
 You should start to practise daily from now on, even if only briefly.
4 Months before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
 Cantor Zöe or Suzanne will continue to meet with you & your helper. You will decide whether you
want to/are ready to chant your Torah portion, if you are reading Torah, or any further
preparation needed.
 You will have a family meeting with the Rabbi or Cantor (2 – 4 months before)
1-2 Months before Bar/Bat Mitzvah
 Your assigned warden will reach out to you, in order to make a meeting at which they will
explain allocation of mitzvot (honours) to your family / friends, practicalities of the service
(e.g. kiddush), and planning a final rehearsal.
6-8 weeks before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
 The Rabbi or Cantor taking the service will schedule a series of meetings with your family
or with you on your own. In these meetings you will write your own translations, prepare
your d’var torah (personal introduction to the Torah reading), plan your Friday night
readings and songs, and have a chance to run through everything.
 Your assigned Warden will meet you to discuss all practical arrangements.
 You will choose personal readings for the Friday night service (one from the Siddur, one
from another source), write your personal prayer, and finish up any remaining pieces of
work.
1 month before Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
 The Rabbi or Cantor will continue to see you.
 The Warden will facilitate a rehearsal with your family
At your Bar/Bat Mitzvah:
Relax, feel proud of your achievements, and have a wonderful time!!
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