LOUISIANA COALTION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
BASIC TRAINING MANUAL
FOR
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ADVOCATES
INTRODUCTION TO THE TRAINER’S MANUAL
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
INTRODUCTION TO THE TRAINING SERIES
CHAPTER 1: INTODUCTION TO THE ORGANIZATION/AGENCY
CHAPTER 2: THE CONTEXT FOR OUR WORK
The language we use
History of the battered women’s movement
Understanding the roots of intimate partner violence
Various approaches to domestic violence work
Seeking and incorporating the perspectives of survivors
CHAPTER 3: WHAT IT MEANS TO EXPEREINECE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Defining domestic violence
Types of Abuse
Common myths about domestic violence
Dynamics of Power and Control
Challenges to leaving a violent relationship
The impact of domestic violence on adults who are battered
The impact of domestic violence on children
CHAPTER 4: RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: SERVICES PROVIDED
Hotline services
Safety planning and danger assessment
Community based services
Residential services
Services for children affected by domestic violence
CHAPTER 5: RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: HOW WE DO THE WORK
Empowerment and the delivery of trauma-informed services
Advocacy skills
Counseling and communication skills
Supporting survivors’ cultural and spiritual values and resources
Confidentiality and record keeping
WRAPPING UP
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
RESOURCES
Materials of general interest
Resources for chapter two: The context for our work
Resources for chapter three: What it means to experience domestic violence
Resources for chapter four: Responding to domestic violence: services provided
Resources for chapter five: Responding to domestic violence: how we do the work
APPENDIX 1: INTRODUCTORY EXERCISES, ICEBREAKERS, AND SELF CARE EXCERCISES
APPENDIX TWO: EVALUATION
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
INTRODUCTION TO THE TRAINING SERIES
Prior to reviewing or distributing the list below, be sure that you have decided
which subjects you intend to cover. A reminder: you can cover all of the subjects
or select those that are most consistent with your agency’s priorities for new
staff and volunteer training.
As appropriate we will look at the agency’s policies, so that new staff and
volunteers have an understanding of how we operationalize the principles
covered during the training.
EVALUATION
Prior to this session you should have made some decisions about how you will
approach evaluation, because there are several options. You can ask participants
to evaluate each session or you can ask participants to evaluate selected sessions.
You can also undertake an evaluation of the extent to which learning has taken
place during the entire course of the training series. Each of these is described in
Appendix Two: Evaluation. The steps below assume that you have studied this
section.
THE IMPORTANCE OF EVALUATION
You can introduce the importance of evaluation by making the following points:
Evaluation is an important way for us to be sure that the subjects we are
covering are clear and that our methods of presenting them are useful to you.
Evaluation gives us a way to continuously improve this training.
Evaluating this Session
If you are asking participants to evaluate this session, hand out the evaluation
form in Appendix Two and give people time to complete it. Encourage people
to take their time and to answer each question completely and thoughtfully.
Remind participants that they will not be writing their names or otherwise
identifying themselves on this evaluation.
Evaluating the Entire Training Series: Pre-Test
If you are evaluating the extent to which learning has taken place over the
course of this training series, you will administer the pre-test evaluation at this
time.
The pre-test can be found in Appendix Two of this Trainer’s Manual.
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Before you distribute it, offer the following explanation:
The purpose of this kind of evaluation is to study the extent to which
learning takes place during the course of the training series.
This is a “true-not true” quiz on material that will be covered during the
training.
The same quiz will be given at the end of the training.
This is not a quiz in the traditional sense because you will not be judged on how
many correct answers you give. In fact, we will be looking at what are called
“aggregate” responses and not individual ones. What this means is that we will
be looking at how often everyone who takes these tests gives an incorrect
answer on the pre-test and then gives a correct answer to the same question on
the post- test. If most or many training participants do this, we will know that
the material on that question was probably presented clearly and effectively.
This is the essence of what we want to learn from pre-testing and post-testing.
It is not expected that you will know the correct answers at this point. If you
did, you would not need any training.
The hope is that, by the end of the training series, when the quiz is given again,
if the trainers have done our job and you have paid close attention, you will
answer many more questions correctly.
In some ways, then, this quiz is really more of a test of how well we are
teaching the material in this training series.
Hand out the quiz and give people time to complete it. Make the following
points:
 Please take as much time as you need to complete the quiz fully.
 Please do not confer with others as you complete the quiz.
 Do not take any guesses. If you are not sure whether a statement is true
or false, check the box marked “not sure.”
 Please put your name on the quiz so that we can compare the answers
you give today to those that you will give when this training has been
completed.
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Note: Instructions for processing pre-tests can be found in Appendix Two of this Trainer’s Manual
CHAPTER 1: INTODUCTION TO THE PROGRAM
TIPS FOR TRAINERS:
During this session, new staff and volunteers will receive a formal introduction
to your agency/organization.
Goals:
This first session will introduce participants to the training curriculum and also
to other participants. By allowing time for participants to introduce
themselves, this session is an opportunity to begin to create a community of
trust among the participants and to introduce guidelines for participation that
will inform all of the training sessions. The Appendix contains suggested
exercises that can serve as ice breakers and can also support participants to
begin to get to know one another.
OBJECTIVES
The material in this chapter will give participants basic information about the
agency/organization
OUTLINE: Program/Agency Description
Note: This is a training session you will create from information about your program. Use the
following as a checklist or guideline for developing the information for this session.
I. PROGRAM HISTORY
Provide information about when and how the program originated, and how it
has evolved.
II. PROGRAM MISSION STATEMENT
Go over the stated goals and objectives of the program. This might be given out
in written form as handout, or included in your training manual.
III. PROGRAM STRUCTURE
A. Board of directors, or parent agency, if applicable
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B. Staffing pattern (an organizational chart is helpful here)
1. Describe relationship of staff to board/parent agency and to
volunteers
2. Briefly describe job responsibilities of each staff position
C. Funding sources
IV. SERVICES OFFERED
List and describe the services provided by the program. Remember to include
education/social change activities, as well as direct services in your description.
Geographic service area and eligibility criteria for services should also be
explained here.
V. RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS: Where does your program fit in? What is its place
in the network of national, state and local service providers?
A. Program relationship to state domestic violence coalition
B. Program relationship to other domestic violence programs
C. Program relationship to national domestic violence coalition
D. Program relationship to community
E. Program relationship to other organizations on related or similar issues
CONTEXT OF THE WORK WE DO: PART ONE
CHAPTER OUTLINE:
OBJECTIVES
The material in this chapter will give participants
■ An appreciation for the language used in domestic violence service work
■ A basic knowledge of the history of the battered women’s movement
■ An opportunity to begin to explore the roots of domestic violence
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■ An understanding of differing approaches to domestic violence, including social
justice, public health, and human rights approaches
■ An appreciation for the essential role that survivors play in responding to
domestic violence
KEY TERMS AND CONCEPTS INTRODUCED IN THIS CHAPTER
Battered women’s movement
Patriarchy
Battered woman, battered women
Victim rights movement
Victim Survivor Batterer Perpetrator
WELCOME AND INTRODUCTIONS
■ Trainer’s introduction
A short trainer’s (re)introduction is probably a good idea because this is the
second session of this training series.
■ Participants’ introduction
Participants’ (re)introductions are also probably a good idea because training
participants are probably still in the process of getting to know one another. See
Appendix One for suggested introductory or icebreaking exercises.
■ Suggested guidelines for participation
Review the guidelines for participation that were developed in the first session.
■ An icebreaker
You can use this time to facilitate an exercise that helps participants feel relaxed,
energized, and ready for the work at hand. See Appendix One for suggested
icebreakers.
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INTRODUCTION TO THIS CHAPTER
■The premises of this chapter
If we are to provide high-quality services for survivors of domestic violence, we
need to understand the general context in which our services are provided. This
includes the following:
 A look at the evolving language used in the domestic violence service
community.
 An understanding of the battered women’s movement, a movement that
gave our services their initial momentum.
 The varying ways in which people understand and describe the roots of
domestic violence.
 An appreciation for other perspectives on domestic violence, especially
those that approach domestic violence as part of a social justice movement,
a public health issue, or a human rights issue.
 A sense of the central role that survivors have played and continue to play in
the development and delivery of domestic violence services.
 An understanding of the roles of men in responding to intimate partner
violence.
 An appreciation of prevention work as a critical part of our response to
domestic violence
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THE LANGUAGE WE USE
AN OPENING EXERCISE

Write the following phrases on newsprint, with one phrase on each piece of paper:
o Domestic violence
o Family violence
o Intimate partner violence
 Invite people to offer phrases that illustrate one of these descriptors and to say
why the offered phrase belongs on one sheet rather than another. Here is an
example:
 A training participant might suggest that abuse of an elder by an adult child
belongs in family violence and not in the others.
 Notice where there is easy agreement within the group and where such
agreement is lacking.
 Without feeling that it is necessary to reach group agreement, acknowledge the
points on which there is a difference of perspective.
 Close with the thought that these differences are okay. What matters is that we
understand that ways in which we all tend to agree on how to characterize this
violence and that we appreciate and respect differing ways of characterizing this
violence.
■Terminology
Over the years and in different circles, different terms have been used to describe the problem
we address in our work. Here is a sampling: domestic violence, intimate partner violence,
violence against women, family violence, domestic abuse, and battering.
For some these phrases are interchangeable. For others they signal differences of emphasis
or focus. For example, the term “intimate partner violence” refers to violence that occurs
between adults who are in an intimate relationship. “Domestic violence” can include intimate
partner violence and can also include other kinds of violence that takes place in the home
such as violence between siblings or between roommates who live together. “Family violence,”
which may be used to describe violence that takes places between and among members of a
family, includes violence inflicted on elders by their adult children, child abuse, and
punishment of children by parents when the punishment reaches an intensity that is
characterized as violent.
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There are several terms used to describe those who inflict violence on an intimate partner.
These include “batterer,” “perpetrator,” and “abuser.”
In addition, different terms have been used to name those who are on the receiving end of this
violence. These include: “battered woman,” “victim of violence,” “survivor,” and “abused
person.”
A great deal has been written about the words “survivor” and “victim,” with people advocating
that one or the other is a more appropriate word to describe a person who has been abused
and/or assaulted by an intimate partner. The word “survivor” has long been a word of choice of
the battered women’s movement, while the word “victim” has been the word preferred by
those in the victim rights movement.
■In deciding what language to use, here are some factors that we can consider:
 In what ways does terminology reflect the understanding of a particular time period?
 In what ways does terminology reflect a particular approach to the issue?
 In what ways does terminology reflect an understanding of the data on partner
violence?
 In what ways does terminology reflect an effort to capture the essence of an idea with
the fewest words possible?
 In what ways does terminology reinforce or reflect the stigma that many associate with
domestic violence?
 In what ways does terminology exclude a person or group of people?
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AN EXERCISE: EXPLORING LANGUAGE

Write the following words/phrases on an index card
o Battered women
o Family violence
o Intimate partner violence
o Violence against women
o Domestic abuse
o Victim
o Survivor
o Partner violence

For each word or phrase, invite training participants to call out what kinds of behaviors or
what groups of individuals would be included.
For each word or phrase, invite training participants to call out what kinds of behaviors or
what groups of individuals would be excluded.

■Suggested principles
 It is important to take the time to use language that is inclusive of all who might be
affected by violence in intimate or family relationships. Therefore, we want to use
gender-neutral language as much as possible and use gender-specific language only
when necessary to make a point accurately. (For example, we would use the term
“battered women” when speaking about the political movement that gave rise to our
services.)
 It is essential to use language that respects the experience and perspectives of those
with whom we work. Therefore, whether we use the word “victim” or “survivor”
depends on the people with whom we are speaking and their expressed preferences.
History of Violence Against Women
An understanding of the long history of violence against women and children,
and particularly violence to women as intimate partners, provides a context for
viewing the current level of abuse in our society. Because the history taught in
school is relatively silent on this topic, this training creates an opportunity to
examine women’s lives historically in a way that will be new to many trainees.
The misconception that domestic abuse is a recent development, or has only
now risen to “epidemic” proportions, is addressed through examples and
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illustrations taken from the past. A clear perception of the long roots of the
problem and its firm entrenchment in our social fabric gives trainees a better
idea of the complexity of the problem, and of the strength of the resistance to
bring about change.
A history of resistance and response to domestic violence is a good addition to
this training. While there are numerous examples of individual resistance and
reform efforts throughout history, the history of an organized battered woman’s
movement is, in contrast, relatively short, but well worth review.
GOALS:
1. Understand violence to women as an historical rather than recent
phenomenon.
2. Understand the roots of such violence as connected to social structure and
power.
3. Place the current status of women in its appropriate social/historical context.
4. Become familiar with the various efforts to respond to violence against
women that have led to our current work.
CHRONOLOGY OF THE BATTERED WOMEN’S MOVEMENT
1971 The first shelter specifically for battered women opens in England
(Chiswick Womens’ Aid).
1972 Women’s Advocates in Minnesota starts a hotline for battered women.
Haven House in Pasadena, California opens a shelter for the battered
partners of substance abusers.
1974 Erin Pizzey’s Scream Quietly or the Neighbors Will Hear, a book on
battering, is published in England.
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First battered women’s shelter on the European continent opens in
Amsterdam.
Women’s Advocates in Minnesota opens a shelter for battered women.
1976 NOW forms a task force to examine domestic violence, citing need for
money/research.
Del Martin publishes Battered Wives, and Betsy Warrior publishes Working
on Wife Abuse, a national directory of services for battered women.
Pennsylvania creates a state-wide coalition of domestic violence service
providers and enacts protective order legislation.
The first national domestic violence conference is held in Milwaukee, WI.
1977 Oregon becomes the first state to enact mandatory arrest legislation for
domestic violence.
1978 US Civil Rights Commission holds conference on battered women which
results 700 pg document including testimony and recommendations by
activists.
NCADV (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) is formed as a
membership organization of service providers, establishing a vision and
philosophy to guide the
development of programs and
introducing federal legislation (Family Violence
Prevention and
Services Act).
1979 First meeting of the Louisiana Coalition Against
Domestic Violence.
First shelter for battered women in Louisiana opens in New Orleans
(Crescent House, operated by Associated Catholic Charities).
Psychologist Lenore Walker’s book, The Battered Woman, is published.
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1980 First NCADV conference held in Washington, DC.
1982 Louisiana legislature passes the Protection from Family Violence Act
creating a state-level office to receive and disburse governmental funding
for domestic violence programs and the Domestic Abuse Assistance Act
creating an avenue for family violence victims to receive orders of
protection.
LCADV incorporates as a non-profit organization.
NCADV introduces the First National Day of Unity for Battered Women.
1983 Police Foundation Study in Minneapolis, funded by the National Institute of
Justice, finds arrest more effective than non-arrest in domestic violence
cases, spurring policy change in police departments around the country.
Amendment to La.’s Protection from Family Violence Act provides $12.50
marriage license surcharge fee to support family violence programs.
1984 Family Violence Prevention and Services Act passed by US Congress,
providing needed funding for domestic violence programs.
1984 US Attorney General’s Task Force on Family Violence holds hearings in 6
sites and collects information and testimony resulting in a document of
recommendations for action.
Florida passes legislation requiring consideration of spouse abuse in child
custody cases.
1985 Tracy Thurman, a battered woman, sues a Connecticut police department
for failure to protect her from her husband’s violence and wins $2 million,
spurring reconsideration of law enforcement policies around the country.
US Surgeon General reports domestic violence is a major health problem in
this country.
Louisiana legislature adds police officer duties and responsibilities,
including use of probable cause warrantless arrest, to the Domestic Abuse
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Assistance Act.
1987
NCADV establishes first national toll-free domestic violence hotline.
First national conference to promote collaboration of domestic violence
researchers, policy makers and practitioners held in New Hampshire.
October officially is pronounced Domestic Violence Awareness Month
throughout the U.S.
1990 The first law defining and criminalizing stalking is passed in California.
Louisiana legislature removes the spousal rape exemption, which had
protected spouses from criminal prosecution for aggravated or forcible
rape.
Louisiana legislature adopts new criminal evidence code, including Article
404 which provides an avenue for those who are charged with crimes and
using self-defense argument to bring past history of abuse into evidence
when there has been an intimate or familial relationship between the
alleged victim and the accused.
1992
NCADV moves office to Denver, CO.
Louisiana legislature passes a law defining and criminalizing stalking.
Louisiana legislature passes the Post-Separation Family Violence Relief Act.
1994
Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) signed into law, authorizing
funding for domestic violence services. Federal Violent Crime Control and
Law Enforcement Act (“The Crime Bill”) passed by US Congress provides
federal penalties for gun ownership by persons against whom a
protective order has been entered, creates penalties for interstate
domestic violence and interstate violation of protective orders, an
battered immigrant women.
More than 1,500 shelters for battered women are in existence in the U.S.
1996
A new national toll-free domestic violence hotline is opened, based in
Texas.
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1997
Louisiana adopts legislation creating a state-wide registry for
protection orders.
Louisiana governor issues executive order creating a statewide
Coordinating Council on Domestic Violence.
RECURRING THEMES THROUGHOUT HISTORY
This session should illustrate, and provoke discussion about, the recurrence of
certain themes throughout history:
 The role of “wife” as man’s property
 Woman as inferior to man (lower value, lower status)
 Woman as weaker than man (physically, emotionally, spiritually)
 Women’s need for male protection because of her own
weakness/shortcomings
 Physical punishment as necessary to correct women
 Punishment/correction/chastisement by husband as “for her own good”
 Men entitled to freedoms and privileges that women are not entitled to
 Patriarchy as the structure of choice
 Social enforcement of traditional gender roles
While these views are ancient, they are still present today in varying degrees
and continue to be used to justify violence to women and children.
UNDERSTANDING THE ROOTS OF INTIMATE PARTNER
VIOLENCE
Activists and analysts have offered multiple ways to understand the roots of
intimate partner violence and to suggest ways to focus our responses. Here are
some examples:
The roots of intimate partner violence:
Unequal power
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 Unequal power between men and women is the context in which
heterosexual battering exists.
 It is also the context in which most Americans grow up.
 A relationship model in which one party holds greater power and control
provides the foundation for LGBTQ battering.
Patriarchy or Male Domination
 Patriarchy or male domination is the social structure underlying nearly
every culture in the world.
 It dictates that men, by virtue of their gender are entitled to control
women and children.
 There are many different traditions in culture around the world that keep
women from attaining social and economic independence and therefore
maintain patriarchy.
Racism
 Racism in the United States continues to put communities of color at risk
disproportionally burdening them with unemployment, poverty and poor
health outcomes compared to white people.
 Risks may be exasperated by families experiencing domestic violence.
A violation of basic human rights
 ¾ It has been observed that “the concept of human rights is one of the few
moral visions ascribed to internationally.”
 ¾ Domestic violence violates the principles that lie at the heart of this
moral vision: the inherent dignity and worth of all members of the human
family, the inalienable right to freedom from fear and want, and the equal
rights of men and women.
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Impact of the media
 The media portray family and community violence as commonplace, if not
normative.
 One report estimates that a child who was two years old in 1993 would
have witnessed 7,000 murders on television by seven years of age.
 That same child would have been exposed to100,000 televised acts of
interpersonal violence by high school graduation.
 Repeated exposure desensitizes viewers because the pain and other
effects of violence are minimized or not shown.
Some possible exercises
 Invite participants to examine these statements with an eye toward
discovering whether there are any common threads of understanding
about domestic violence.
 Invite participants to share their reactions to these statements, noting the
parts that especially resonate for them.
Close this segment by noting that, although these are different ways of talking
about the root causes of domestic violence, these different approaches are also
complementary
VARIOUS APPROACHES TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WORK
■The battered women’s movement approach
The battered women’s approach describes domestic violence as a gender-based
dynamic that has its roots in institutionalized inequality between women and
men, in a system of male domination that by its very definition assumes male
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supremacy and the right of men to control women and children. The battered
women’s approach is explicitly feminist, survivor driven, and grounded in the
empowerment model of response. As has been noted, this approach to
domestic violence is the foundation on which virtually all domestic violence
agencies/organizations were created. Even as these organizations change and
grow, their roots in the battered women’s movement remain evident in, among
other things, their commitment to the empowerment model of response and
their analysis of gender inequality as one of the main components of intimate
partner violence.
■ Domestic violence in the context of social justice and anti-oppression
approach.
Another approach, and one that builds from the gender-based understanding of
the battered women’s movement, sees the ways in which institutional forms of
oppression reinforce unequal power and control in relationships and make it
especially difficult for certain groups to gain any traction in the struggle to end
intimate partner violence. One example involves GLBT partner violence. In this
context it has been pointed out that unequal power between intimate partners
provides the institutional foundation for violence among heterosexual couples
and is also the foundation for violence in gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender
relationships. At the same time, the realities of LGBTQ oppression create
conditions in which partner violence in these communities can thrive.
■Human rights approach
A human rights approach to domestic violence adds a dimension of international
norms and laws to the issue of intimate partner violence. For example, those
who articulate a human rights approach note that advances in human rights are
often accompanied by government-wide responses to a recognized violation of
rights. These individuals suggest that if domestic violence were viewed through a
human rights lens, it would more likely be seen as a crime, in and of itself. This, in
turn, could bring together both governmental and private (NGO) resources and,
in this way, point to a more integrated response.
■Public health approach
A public health approach to domestic violence looks at the prevalence and the
health impacts of intimate partner violence and its costs. This approach also
focuses on prevention of domestic violence. In important ways, a public health
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approach brings domestic violence out of the realm of a strictly private problem
that exists solely within families.
■An exercise
 Invite training participants to explore how each perspective adds
something different to our understanding of intimate partner violence.
 Reinforce the idea that these approaches can be seen as complementary
rather than in any sort of competition with one another. Taken together,
they provide a multi- dimensional way to understand intimate partner
violence and, therefore, to think about responding.
SEEKING AND INCORPORATING THE PERSPECTIVES OF SURVIVORS
Note to trainer: Be mindful that there may be survivors among the group of
training participants (both those who have shared this information and those
who have not disclosed their experience of domestic violence).
Incorporating perspectives of survivors
“I’m a formerly battered woman and a survivor of incest, and I’m not a
victim and I’m not a client. I’m a woman in this struggle. “For Shelter and
Beyond”
“Today I am more than a survivor.... I have learned to love others and myself...I
continue on my healing journey and take great pride in which I am as an Indian
and a lesbian. I advocate for women and children
who have the right to be
safe.”
KJ, “Sharing My Story in Same-Sex Domestic Violence – Strategies for Change
■ Survivors played a central part in the early battered women’s movement and in
the creation of domestic violence organizations.
■ The empowerment model assumes that survivors are at the center of our work
and that our job is to take our cues from survivors.
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■ As our agencies/organizations have evolved, many have become more
traditional in their organizational structures, less grassroots in their styles, and
more oriented toward a social service approach to domestic violence work.
■ These changes create a risk that the voices of survivors will be of less and less
importance as time goes by.
■ How we guard against this loss is an important consideration for the health of
our agency/organization.
■Making sure that our agency/organization welcomes survivors and gives them
tools to work with other survivors as they tend to their own recovery needs are
some ways to assure that the voices and perspectives of survivors remain a
central part of our work. At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that
not all survivors are able to take on the challenging work of responding to victims
of intimate partner violence. By bringing this awareness to our efforts to
welcome survivors into our agencies/organizations, we assure the safety and
well-being of all who work with us.
WRAPPING UP
A CLOSING EXERCISE
o As a way to support training participants to reflect on what they have learned and also to
get to know one another, invite each person to share a concept that came up for her or him
during the training that was new or unexpected.
o Another way would be to invite each person to say which of the approaches described
(battered women’s movement approach, social justice/anti-oppression approach, human
rights approach, or public health approach) most resonates with her or him and why this is
so.
Note that this is not intended to be a debate about the relative merits of each
approach but a sharing among group members of individual perspectives on these
approaches.
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■ Closing questions
o Ask if there are any closing questions about any of the materials
covered.
EVALUATING THIS SESSION
If you are asking participants to evaluate the session, hand out the evaluation
form in Appendix 2 and give people time to complete it. Encourage people to
take their time and to answer each question completely and thoughtfully.
Remind participants that they will not be writing their names or otherwise
identifying themselves on this evaluation.
DEFINING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
TIPS FOR TRAINERS
This chapter covers material that many trainers affectionately refer to as “DV
101.” It also takes up issues and offers approaches that have not historically been
included in training on the essentials of domestic violence (although some
readers of this curriculum will have already incorporated these issues and
approaches into new staff and volunteer training). These include trafficking and
sex work and complex PTSD.
For training participants who are survivors of domestic violence, the material in
this chapter can be especially difficult, bringing back memories of the battering
and abuse they experienced. If you are aware that a training participant is a
survivor, it may be appropriate to have a short private conversation in which you
give the person a “heads up” about the content of the session and make
suggestions about what she or he might do if the material becomes emotionally
difficult. It might also happen that in this session you first become aware that a
particular participant has survived intimate partner violence. It would be good to
have a plan for responding skillfully to this individual while maintaining
awareness of the needs of other training participants.
OBJECTIVES
The material in this chapter will give participants
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■ An understanding of how we define domestic violence and what is means to
experience domestic violence
■ An understanding of common myths about domestic violence and the cycle of
violence
■The dynamics of Power and Control
■ An appreciation for the challenges that survivors face if they want to leave an
abusive relationship
■ An understanding of how domestic violence affects adults who are battered
and children who are exposed to adult domestic violence
KEY TERMS AND CONCEPTS INTRODUCED IN THIS CHAPTER
Teen dating violence
Elder abuse
Trafficking and sex work Homo/bi/transphobia Heterosexism
The cycle of domestic violence
The impact of domestic violence on adults and children
WELCOME AND INTRODUCTIONS
■Trainer’s introduction
A trainer’s introduction is probably only necessary if this session has a new
trainer or there are a significant number of new participants.
■Participants’ introduction
Participants’ introductions should only be necessary if there are new group
members.
■Suggested guidelines for participation
Review the guidelines for participation that were developed in the first session.
■An icebreaker
You can use this time to facilitate an exercise that helps participants feel relaxed,
energized, and ready for the work at hand. See Appendix One for suggested
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
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icebreakers
INTRODUCTION TO THIS CHAPTER
■The premises of this chapter
o There are aspects of domestic violence that are universal, affecting
virtually all victims in the same ways, and there are some aspects of
domestic violence that are unique to the communities in which the
violence takes place. Appreciating the universal aspects of domestic
violence is as important as understanding the ones that are particular
to various groups.
o Even if we have an understanding of the universal and the particular
aspects of domestic violence, we need to remember that
generalizing can be dangerous. Every person who has been battered
is an individual whose story is unique and whose needs for support
are unique. A core principle of empowering and strength-based
responses to domestic violence is that services be tailored to the
individual situations and needs of each survivor.
What it means to experience domestic violence
 In some ways, the experience of domestic violence is universal.
 In some ways the experience of domestic violence is particular to the
communities and cultures in which the violence strikes.
 Understanding this is a cornerstone of an empowering and traumainformed response.
An Exercise
Try the following exercise as a way to invite participants to explore the idea that
universal aspects of domestic violence and those that are particular to specific
communities or individuals, though they may feel contradictory, can exist
simultaneously.
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 If there are any training participants who are parents, ask them to
stand up. Invite each one to say a word or two about the children in
his or her life (how many, their ages, and their names).
 If there are any training participants who were born and raised
outside of the United States, ask them to stand up. Invite each one
to say a word or two about her or his country of origin.
 If there are any training participants who are under 25 years of age,
ask them to stand up. Then invite training participants who are over
50 years of age to stand up. Invite the two groups to spend a
moment exploring what they might have in common despite a
significant age difference.
 If there are any training participants who have a passion for cooking,
ask them to stand up. Invite each one to share his or her favorite
food.
Defining domestic violence
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors that one
person uses over another to gain power and control.
Domestic violence exists along a continuum that includes:
 Verbal abuse
 Emotional and psychological abuse
 Physical abuse
 Sexual abuse
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors that one
person uses over another to gain power and control. Domestic violence can be
said to exist along a continuum that includes verbal abuse, emotional and
psychological abuse, physical abuse, and sexual assault. Although each is
described separately, there is considerable overlap among these forms of abuse.
■ An exercise: Defining domestic violence
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o Divide the training participants into four groups.
o Using four sheets of newsprint, write “verbal abuse,” “emotional
psychological abuse,” physical abuse,” and “sexual abuse” at the top
of each (one phrase on each sheet). Place each sheet of newsprint
on the wall in a different part of the room.
o Place each group in front of one of the sheets of newsprint and give
the following assignment:
o Take a few minutes to quickly write down words or phrases that are
examples of the phrase at the top of the paper.
o After about two or three minutes, call a stop to the effort and ask
the groups to shift to another piece of newsprint. Invite the groups
to add any words or phrases to what the prior group has written.
o Continue in this way until all four groups have had a few minutes to
review each set of words and add any new ones.
When the group comes back together as a whole, examine the results of
this effort.
Types of Abuse
Verbal abuse
Verbal abuse takes many forms:
 Constant criticism
 Threats
 Belittling of one's abilities
 Direct threats of harm
 Insults
 Put downs
 Name calling the victim
 Threats to harm or leave with the children
 Threats to relatives or friends
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Verbal abuse
Verbal abuse includes constant criticism, belittling of one’s abilities and
competency, insults, put downs, name calling and other attempts to undermine
one’s self-image and sense of worth. Other examples are yelling, spreading
rumors, revealing secrets,
and stereotyping. Threats are another form of verbal abuse (and of emotional,
mental, and psychological abuse as well) and take the form of direct threats of
harm to the victim, threats to harm or leave with children, or threats to other
relatives or friends
Emotional, mental, and psychological abuse






Emotional, mental, and psychological abuse include:
Controlling access to friends, school, work, or family
Forced isolation and imprisonment
Intimidation
Using and manipulating a person’s fear of physical harm
Threats to harm others
Threats of suicide
Emotional, mental, and psychological abuse
Emotional, mental, and psychological abuse include controlling and limiting one’s
access to friends, school, work, or family; forced isolation and imprisonment;
placing restrictions on movement and/or activities; intimidation; using and
manipulating a victim’s fear of physical harm; and threats to harm others. Suicide
threats, stalking, sabotage, blackmail, and destruction of pets and/or property
can also be examples of emotional, mental, and psychological abuse
Physical abuse
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Physical abuse includes: inflicting, attempting to
inflict, or threats to inflict physical injury, such as:
 Slapping
 Punching
 Hitting
 Use of objects to inflict pain and injury
 Biting,
 Choking
 Kicking
 Pushing
Physical abuse is almost always coupled with verbal and emotional abuse.
Physical abuse
Physical abuse includes inflicting, attempting to inflict, or threats to inflict
physical injury. This includes slapping, hitting, hair-pulling, biting, arm twisting,
kicking, punching, use of objects to inflict pain and injury, choking, and pushing.
Physical abuse is almost always coupled with verbal and emotional abuse
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse includes any sexual contact without
consent or any exploitive or coercive sexual contact:
 Unwanted fondling
 Rape
 Oral or anal sodomy
 Treating a person in a sexually derogatory manner
 Forced pregnancy or abortion
 Inappropriate touch
 Intercourse
 Attacks on sexual areas of the body
 Use of objects
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Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse includes any sexual contact without consent and any exploitive or
coercive sexual contact. It includes unwanted fondling; inappropriate touch,
rape, intercourse, oral or anal sodomy; attacks on sexual areas of the body;
treating a
person in a sexually derogatory manner; use of objects or weapons; forced
pregnancy or abortion, and the withholding of contraceptive methods.
Teen dating violence
 Reciprocal use of non-sexual violence among teens appears to be common.
 Teen females sustain much more sexual violence than teen males.
 The more community violence, the more likely there is to be dating
violence against female teens.
 GLBT youth in same-sex dating relationships are as likely as heterosexual
youth to experience dating violence.
 As minors, teens face barriers to accessing confidential services.
Teen dating violence
According to VAWA.net, a project of the National Resource Center on Domestic
Violence, it is likely that “physical aggression occurs in one in three adolescent
dating relationships.” Some of the ways in which the violence in teen dating
relationships differs from violence in adult relationships are as follows:
 Reciprocal use of non-sexual violence among teens appears to be
common. This reciprocity is not the case in sexual violence. Research
shows that teen females sustain much more sexual violence than
teen males.
 There is a correlation between community violence and teen dating
violence. The more community violence, the more likely there is to
be dating violence against female teens.
 Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth who are involved in same-sex dating
relationships are as likely as their heterosexual counterparts to
experience dating violence.
 In a Family Violence Prevention Fund study, 81% of parents surveyed
either believe that teen dating violence is not an issue or admit that
they don’t know whether it is an issue.
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 For teens caught up in dating violence, securing safety can be
complicated by the challenges that teens who are minors face in
trying to obtain court orders of protection and accessing supportive
services that can extend a promise of confidentiality to the teens.
School settings are an example of venues where such complication
can manifest, because teachers and counselors may be legally
obligated to share with parents information they receive from
students.
 In addition, when a teen who is a minor is struggling with violence in
a dating relationship as well as violence in the home, securing safe
and affordable housing can be difficult, if not impossible.
Domestic violence among elders
 The longer the relationship the harder it can be to imagine a life apart from
the batterer.
 Judges may hesitate to order an elderly perpetrator to leave the family
residence.
 Adult children may conspire to protect the parent batterer and/or minimize
the impact of the violence.
 Our elder protective services law mandates reporting of suspected abuse
of an elder by a caretaker.
 Shelter services for frail abused elders may not be adequate to meet
elders' needs for accessible services.
Domestic violence involving elders
Domestic violence in relationships between elders is more common than we
might think, and it often follows patterns that are similar to domestic violence
among other adults. Some factors of particular significance when domestic
violence occurs in elders’ relationships are as follows:
 In long-term relationships, acknowledging abuse can be especially
difficult for the elderly spouse who might be incapable of imagining a
life apart from the batterer.
 In cases where a batterer is elderly, judges may be more hesitant to
order the perpetrator to leave the family residence.
 Adult children may conspire to protect the parent batterer and/or
minimize the impact of the violence.
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 In Massachusetts (and most other states) there are laws aimed at
protecting elders from abuse by caretakers. These laws are
implemented by a social services network that receives reports of
alleged elder abuse and works to protect abused elders. This system
is very similar to our child protection system in that it mandates
certain categories of people to file reports of suspected abuse and
assumes that elders (like children) may need to be protected,
whether or not they ask for protection.
 Among elders and their families, and social service providers as well,
there may be resistance to the idea that domestic violence can even
exist between people who have been life partners for many decades.
As a result of this denial, allegations of partner abuse by elders may
be dismissed or minimized.
 In addition, shelter services for frail abused elders might not be
adequate to meet elders’ needs for accessible services.
Trafficking and sex work
 Individuals who have been forced into sex work have needs similar to
those who survive sexual and domestic violence.
 Many have had to endure extreme forms of
physical and mental abuse—including rape, torture, and starvation.
 Violence is the norm for those in prostitution.
Trafficking and sex work
There is growing recognition of the dimensions of trafficking, of the ways in
which prostitution constitutes violence against women, and of the need to
address these issues in domestic violence services.
 Individuals who have been forced into sex work through human trafficking
have needs that are in some ways very similar to the needs of survivors of
sexual and domestic violence. At the same time, many of these individuals
have had to endure extreme forms of physical and mental abuse, including
rape, torture, and starvation. Many have also been completely isolated
from any sources of potential support, having been lured to the United
States from other countries by promises of good work in comfortable
surroundings.
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 Prostitution has much in common with other kinds of violence against
women.
 Studies have shown that prolonged and repeated trauma often precedes
entry into prostitution, with most women beginning prostitution as
sexually abused adolescents. In addition, violence is the norm for women
in prostitution. Incest, sexual harassment, verbal abuse, stalking, rape,
battering, and torture are points on a continuum of violence, and all occur
regularly in prostitution. Several writers have pointed out that prostituted
women are unrecognized victims of intimate partner violence by pimps
and customers who use methods of coercion and control similar to those
used by other batterers. These include minimization and denial of physical
violence, economic exploitation, social isolation, verbal abuse, threats and
intimidation, physical violence, sexual assault, and captivity.
 The systematic violence emphasizes the victim’s worthlessness, except in
her role as prostitute.
As a result, trafficked and prostituted women may need enhanced forms of the
services that domestic violence agencies/organizations typically provide. Here are
some of the service needs that have been identified by programs that have been
especially designed to respond to this group of survivors:
 Extended shelter services, especially where the survivor is
cooperating with law enforcement efforts to prosecute traffickers, a
process that can often take one to two years.
 Enhanced safety planning that may need to take into account the
fact that the person may be at risk of harm from organized crime
and/or sophisticated trafficking operations.
Mental health needs that are more like the needs of torture survivors than
those who have survived domestic violence
The material in this section on trafficking has been adapted from the Human
Trafficking Service Provider Manual for Certified Domestic Violence Centers,
produced by Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence (FCADV), 2004. The
material on prostituted women was drawn largely from: Farley, M., “Prostitution
Is Sexual Violence,” Psychiatric Times, 21: 12, October 1, 2004.
Violence against people with disabilities
 Personal care givers can abuse people with disabilities in unique ways. They
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





might:
Withhold medication, personal care, or medical equipment.
Refuse to fix meals or feed the person.
Withhold access to communication such as interpreters and TTY.
Dependence on the perpetrator can increase vulnerability.
A person with disabilities may be economically dependent on the abuser.
Accessible shelter can be difficult (or impossible) to locate.
Violence against people with disabilities
Studies suggest that women with disabilities are more likely to be abused or
assaulted than those women who do not have disabilities and, when they are
abused, they may be less able to access the services they might need to achieve a
measure of safety and recovery. Some of the factors at work in creating these
barriers are as follows:
 Abusers who are personal care givers can abuse people with disabilities in
unique ways, including withholding medication, personal care, or medical
equipment; refusing to fix meals or feed the person; or withholding access
to communication such as interpreters and TTY.
 When the abuser is a person who has been responsible for providing
assistance in activities of daily living, there may be increased vulnerability
on the part of the person with disabilities and an increased dependence on
the perpetrator.
 A person with disabilities may be economically dependent on the abuser
and therefore may feel that she has fewer options for resisting the abuse.
 For people with disabilities who are battered and in need of shelter, it can
be difficult to locate a shelter that is accessible (in terms of physical access
to the building, physical access to the use of all facilities in the shelter
building, and in terms of accommodating the specific needs for assistance
that a person might need.
As we think about people with disabilities who experience intimate partner
violence, we need to be careful not to fall into the trap of over-generalization.
People with disabilities constitute a diverse group of individuals, including those
who have developmental disabilities, those who experience disability as a result
of illness or injury, and those whose disabilities can be attributed directly to
intimate partner violence. Likewise, empowering and trauma-informed
responses to individuals with disabilities who have been abused must be
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
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informed by a real understanding of the ways in which these individuals’
disabilities have impacted their lives and by attention to their particular needs for
support and assistance.
The material in this section on violence against people with disabilities is drawn mainly from
Untold Stories, Unmet Needs: Understanding the Needs of Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence
Survivors with Physical and Sensory Disabilities, Jane Doe Inc. This manual is an excellent
resource for agencies/organizations seeking to examine and improve their capacity to respond
to survivors who have physical and sensory disabilities.
Domestic violence in GLBT communities
 The threat to reveal the partner's orientation to family or to an employer
can result in job loss and the destruction of life-long relationships.
 Historic homo/bi/transphobia of law enforcement can leave GLBT victims
of violence believing that the police will not help them to secure safety.
 Courts do not necessarily enforce laws uniformly though gay and lesbian
people have some legal rights. Knowing this, many LGBTG people hesitate
to turn to the legal system for protection from abuse.
Domestic violence in the LGBTQ community
 In many ways intimate partner violence in the LGBTQ community looks
very much like partner violence in other communities. And there is every
reason to believe that domestic violence occurs in LGBTQ relationships at
the same rate as it occurs in heterosexual relationships. The ways in which
LGBTQ domestic violence differs often combine to make access to
effective services extremely challenging for LGBTQ victims of violence.
Some of these factors are as follows:
 The threat, by a perpetrator, to reveal the partner’s orientation to family or
to an employer holds the possibility of loss of a job and life-long
relationships. For a victim of domestic violence who is not “out,” these
threats can be insurmountable.
 The historic homo/bi/transphobia and heterosexism of our law
enforcement institutions can leave LGBTQ victims of violence believing
that the police will not help them to secure safety. Moreover, if a victim
feels that calling the police means that the partner, however abusive, will
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be brutalized by a homo/bi/transphobic police officer, calling the police can
be extremely difficult if not impossible.
 Even though certain rights of gay and lesbian people are protected by the
law, the court system does not necessarily enforce these laws uniformly.
Knowing this, many LGBTQ people hesitate to turn to the legal system for
protection from abuse.
Given the homo/bi/transphobia and heterosexism that has been woven into our
history and the biases that we have internalized as a result of that history,
welcoming LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence into our programs and
serving them appropriately calls for more in-depth training than most
agencies/organizations can provide. Training is available however through
Boston’s GLBT Domestic Violence Coalition. That training covers essential
topics—from making an agency/organization more LGBTQ-accessible to
determining whether the person you’re working with is the survivor or the
batterer. Further information can be obtained by e-mailing info@tnlr.org.
Note to trainer: The handout "History, Culture, and Identity—What Makes GLBT Battering
Different," by Charlene Allen and Beth Leventhal, provides additional information on domestic
violence in GLBT communities.
Domestic violence in communities of color
 This country’s history of violence against communities of color can leave
victims of violence doubting whether that system is able or willing to
respond to violence perpetrated by one person of color against another.
 Black women who are battered may find themselves in an exceptionally
difficult position within the Black community.
 The images and expectations of African-American women are actually both
super- and sub-human. This conflict has created myths and stereotypes
that cause
confusion about our own identity and make us targets for abuse.”
Evelyn C. White, Chain Chain Change
Domestic violence in communities of color
There are ways in which this country’s history of racism leaves all people of color
similarly situated when it comes to accessing domestic violence services. At the
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same time, different communities of color experience different forms of
prejudice. Here are a few things to consider:
 The history in this country of institutional violence against communities of
color can leave victims of violence within these communities with serious
doubts about whether that very system would be able or willing to
respond appropriately to violence perpetrated by one person of color
against another.
 Black women who are battered may find themselves in an exceptionally
difficult position within the Black community. As Evelyn C. White points out
in Chain Chain Change, “The images and expectations of African-American
women are actually both super- and sub-human. This conflict has created
myths and stereotypes that cause confusion about our own identity and
make us targets for abuse.”
Note to trainer: To explore in greater depth the ways in which domestic violence is likely to be
experienced by Black women, hand out the excerpt from Chain Chain Change.
Domestic violence in immigrant communities
 Legal protection
 Immigrants too often assume that the law is not available to protect them
from abuse.
 Distrust of government and law enforcement Some immigrants have come
to the U.S. following experiences of brutality in their countries of origin.
They may be deeply distrustful of government in general and of law
enforcement in particular.
Domestic violence issues in immigrant communities
In addition to the challenges to securing safety and recovery that all
victims of partner violence experience, those who are immigrants
experience challenges that are particular to newcomers who are not
United States citizens, who lack documentation of their right to be in the
United States, or whose primary language is other than English. Some of
these are as follows:
 Immigrants too often assume that the law is not available to protect them
from abuse. This may simply be the result of not knowing that there are
laws that are intended to protect all who are abused, including immigrants
and people who lack documentation to be in the United States. It may also
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
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be that particular immigrants have come to the United States following
experiences of brutality in their countries of origin that have left them
deeply distrustful of government in general and of law enforcement in
particular
.
 Fear of deportation, whether well-founded or not, can keep a non-citizen
victim of violence from seeking help, especially if there are citizen children
from whom the victim could be separated upon deportation.
 Although this has been changing, domestic violence
agencies/organizations may not have staff or volunteers who are able to
connect with a person whose first language is other than English and
whose first culture is other than North American. For a person in need of
shelter or other domestic violence services, the lack of a person with
whom the victim can actually communicate can make it difficult if not
impossible for quality services to be delivered.
Note to trainer: “Ensuring Fairness and Justice for Noncitizen Survivors of Domestic Violence”
by Gail Pendleton is a good source of additional information issues facing immigrant women
who experience domestic violence. See the Resources section for more information.
AN EXERCISE: MYTH OR FACT?
Make three signs, one that says “Myth,” one that says “Fact,” and one that says “Unsure.” Read
each statement above and invite training participants to move close to the sign that matches their
understanding of the statement. For example, when you say, “There is no such thing as marital
rape,” those who think this is a myth would stand near the sign that says “Myth.” After training
participants have positioned themselves near a sign, you can invite them to explain why they chose
the sign where they stood, beginning with those who chose to stand near the “Unsure” sign.
COMMON MYTHS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Without exercising any pressure, you might invite training participants to move from one spot to
another in light of what others say, signifying a shift in their beliefs about the statement.
■There are a number of myths about domestic violence that we hear in
conversation in the media, and in many other settings. What these have in common
is that they all either justify partner abuse or blame the person who has been
abused. Here is a sample of these myths:
○
What is happening is not abuse; it is mutual violence within an intimate
relationship.
○
Drugs and/or alcohol cause abuse to occur.
○
Stress (problems at work, financial problems, and so forth) causes abuse.
○
Psychopathology causes abuse.
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○
Only people of color and poor people are abusive in intimate relationships.
○
Victims like the violence, otherwise they would leave.
○
When violence happens in relationships, the victim has usually provoked it.
■ Another exercise
As a way to help new staff and volunteers better appreciate how common myths
about domestic violence impact survivors, ask each training participant to choose
one of the myths and make a “presentation” to the group. They are to show
exactly how that myth could be reasonably expected to affect a victim of
violence, if the participant/presenter believed the myth to be true? As a follow
up, invite the participant to suggest things that could be said to refute the myth.
Dynamics Of Power And Control
Many authors have described the phenomenon of “power and control”
demonstrated in abusive relationship. It is based on the cultural belief in the
appropriateness of male dominance in relationships. This imbalance of power
puts the abuser in a superior position while maintaining the victim’s
subservience. It leaves her feeling powerless, dehumanized, and incapable of
independent thought or decision-making.
Below are two wheels and charts that demonstrate how power and control can
be manifest:
The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota developed a chart
entitled the Power and Control Wheel, which describes the components of
power and control. At the core is the abuser’s need for power and control over
the victim; this need manifests itself through physical and emotional abuse,
economic abuse, and sexual abuse, as well as mistreatment of children, use of
male privilege, intimidation, and isolation.
Biderman’s Chart of Coercion As It Relates to Domestic Violence represents a
two-page chart that outlines the different types of behaviors that abusers will
often use in order to control their victims. It also sets forth the effects these
behaviors will oftentimes have on their victims, as well as specific examples of
those behaviors.
In contrast, the Equality Wheel visually represents the components of a healthy
relationship.
EXCERCISE
Review
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 Power and Control Wheel
 Biderman’s Chart of Coercion
 Equality Wheel
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
Note to trainer: Distribute the Cycle of Violence handout
■The battered women’s movement has long described domestic violence in
terms of cycles of abuse in which the extent of physical violence increases over
time. In this understanding, there are three cycles:
 The period of tension building, in which a small series of events creates and
intensifies tension in the relationship and in which the perpetrator instills a
feeling of fear in his or her partner.
 The explosion stage, in which the perpetrator uses violence to release
built-up tension, anger, and/or frustration and, most importantly, to
exercise ultimate control.
 The honeymoon stage, in which the perpetrator expresses remorse and
attempts to convince his or her partner that explosions of the sort that just
occurred, will never happen again.
Challenges to leaving
Challenges to leaving a violent relationship






Leaving can be dangerous
The hope for change is strong
Isolation
Societal denial
Economic dependence
Threats of retaliation
Leaving is a process
Many people not involved with an abusive partner say that if their mates ever
harmed them they would leave. Survivors often recall having these same
thoughts and they have taught us that there are complex factors working against
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a person who is caught in a violent relationship.
■Leaving can be dangerous
Research has demonstrated that leaving a violent person places a victim of
violence at increased risk of harm. Survivors know this and may decide that
leaving is simply too risky. For those who have children, the prospect of even
greater harm may make leaving feel impossible.
■Hoping for change
Because no one plans to enter into a violent relationship, finding one’s self
threatened and abused by one’s partner can be difficult to acknowledge.
Perpetrators may take
advantage of their partners’ desires for different and nonviolent relationships by
expressing remorse after inflicting violence, by promising never to hit again, or
by agreeing to seek counseling.
■Isolation
Perpetrators and society often combine to create an environment in which a
victim of violence is likely to be physically isolated and feel very much alone. This
can take a number of forms.
 The perpetrator may work consciously to isolate his or her partner.
Strategies include prohibiting connections by phone or in person with
friends and family; humiliating
the person in front of friends and family; controlling the person’s ability to
get to work, to school, or to social events; and censoring mail. Over time,
these efforts can result in a person being nearly or completely isolated
from all potential sources of support.
 Batterers in LGBTQ communities can capitalize on the fact that their
victims already labor under the isolation resulting from
homo/bi/transphobia and heterosexism on multiple fronts. These include
family who reject them, court systems that have failed or refused to
protect them, and a sheltering system that lacks the capacity to serve them
appropriately.
 For immigrants, especially those whose first and primary language is other
than English, the need for community is especially strong. When a batterer
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is able to separate his or her partner from the community by using the
tactics already mentioned, and can add the threat of deportation to the
mix of threats, the isolation can be devastating.
 Over time, a person who has been separated from all sources of potential
support and connection can come to believe that support simply does not
exist and that there is therefore no way out of the violent relationship.
■Societal denial
Although laws that provide protection from abuse have been in place in
Massachusetts for thirty years and although media attention to sexual and
domestic violence has improved in recent years, denial of the extent of intimate
partner violence and of its
impact has persisted. This denial can manifest in a number of ways that combine
to make it extremely difficult to walk away from a violent partner.
 The behavior of batterers often takes place in the context of general
societal and community denial of the reality and seriousness of domestic
violence. Perpetrators often present themselves as engaging and charming
individuals, making it difficult if not impossible for others to imagine that
they might actually abuse their partners.
 The more they are able to take advantage of societal denial, the more they
are able to convince the victim that no one will believe allegations of
abuse.
 Too many helping professionals continue to deny the existence of
domestic violence or minimize its seriousness. When doctors or therapists
refuse to act on a person’s description of abuse or trivialize a person’s
complaints, the perpetrator’s message that
no one will believe the victim is confirmed.
 Denial within faith communities can also conspire to keep a person from
escaping a violent partner. It is true that efforts are being made to educate
clergy and other faith community leaders about domestic violence. At the
same time, if someone struggling with partner violence turns to a religious
leader for help and support, that person is
too likely to hear that prayer and reconciliation are preferred responses.
Faced with these kinds of responses, leaving the batterer may not feel like
an option.
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■Economic dependence
In many intimate relationships, the most likely predictor of whether a victim of
violence will permanently separate from the abuser is whether she or he has the
economic resources to survive without the batterer. Perpetrators are likely to
understand this and may make serious efforts to reinforce the idea that their
partners cannot survive without them. We can see this dynamic at work in a
number of ways.
Among elderly couples, it is frequently the case that the perpetrator has been
the sole earner in the family and that the partner has no experience in the work
world or in matters related to basic money management. Should this factor
combine with denial of domestic violence among adult children of the couple,
the victim’s options can feel and actually be severely limited.
In immigrant families it may be that the perpetrator has documentation that
enables him or her to secure employment legally, while the victim does not. In
this situation economic dependence on the batterer leaves the victim with few or
no options for leaving.
■Threats of retaliation
Even when a person decides to leave, batterers put up many barricades. Many
threaten to seek custody of their children, to withhold support, to interfere with
the victim’s employment, to advise prospective landlords that she or he is not
credit-worthy, to try to turn the children or family against her or him, to threaten
to kill the victim or other family members if she or he leaves, to threaten
retaliatory suicide, or in other ways to escalate
the violence in an attempt to hold the person in the relationship.
■Leaving is a process
Sometimes it is said that if a person who has been battered remains with or
returns to the abuser this is a sign that the person is not ready to accept the help
we have to offer. If we look deeply into this sentiment, we may find that it arises
out of a hope that the person will leave the abuser and that it may not reflect a
real understanding of the challenges we have been exploring. The truth is that
most individuals leave and return several times before permanently separating
from the batterer. Leaving is a process. The first time a person leaves may be a
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test to see whether the batterer will actually get some help to stop the abusive
behavior. When the violence persists the victim may leave to gain more
information about resources available. There may be a reconciliation during
which the victim works to gather economic and educational resources together
that would enable her or him to leave. Leaving must be done in a way that does
not further jeopardize the victim’s safety. This is a process that must be driven by
the person struggling with domestic violence.
Note to trainer: If your agency/organization receives funding to provide services related to
sexual assault in addition to domestic violence, you will probably present this material in a way
that coincides with your basic training on sexual assault. The materials in this section are
presented mainly for agencies/organizations that are not “dual” programs.
■An exercise: What does it mean to leave?
o The purposes of this exercise are as follows:
o To sensitize participants to the difficulties of leaving a violent relationship.
o To explore what it really means for a family to leave home to enter a
shelter.
o To acknowledge that some people make a choice to stay in abusive
relationships.
Materials needed
o White index cards
o Colored index cards
o Play dollar bills or coins
o Palm card advertising agency/organization services (if you have one) or a
o SafeLink card
Here are the steps
Step 1: Ask participants to leave their seats and move to another seat (the
furthest point possible from their original seats), taking nothing with them.
Step 2: Once they are seated, hand each participant a hotline card and a number
of play coins or play dollar bills. Ask participants: “If you were to leave your home
today, what would you like to take with you?”
Step 3: Give each participant 5 white index cards and 1 colored index card.
Ask the participants to write the names of any children they have who are
under the age of 18 on the colored index card.
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On each of the 5 white cards, the participants should write one item that
they would want to bring with them (5 cards, 5 items). The following
suggestions could be on newsprint to assist participants in creating their
white cards:
o Cell phone
o Furniture
o Clothing
o Important papers
o Pet
o Car
o Food
o Electronics item such as TV, DVD player, music
o Pictures
o Computer
o Children over age 18
Step 4: Once the cards are completed, go around the room and ask participants
to give up a white card. Repeat this process until participants have given up all
but one white card. [A variation on this is for the trainer to go around the room
and take 3 or 4 white index cards from each participant. Read them aloud as you
take them away.
Step 5: As cards are being given up or taken away, explore why a person might
not be able to take into shelter the item given up or taken away.
Some points of discussion at the close of the exercise
o Invite participants to explore having to choose only five items and
note that very often a person fleeing a dangerous situation has to
make choices like this very quickly.
o The option of seeking emergency shelter can be very difficult. Some
barriers to obtaining shelter include lack of space, large families,
families with older children, job loss, school transitions, living with
strangers, possibly leaving their community, being unable to bring
certain things with them, leaving things and people behind, having a
disability, cultural differences, drug/alcohol addictions, and serious
mental health problems associated with the experience of intimate
partner violence.
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■An exercise: A guided imagery
Explain that this exercise asks people to sit with eyes closed for a few moments
and acknowledge that not everyone is comfortable in a situation like this. Anyone
can optout of this exercise. Invite participants to close their eyes and breathe
deeply and regularly throughout the exercise and to keep their eyes closed or
lowered until you ask them to open their eyes.
Read each line slowly.
◊
You were just backhanded by your partner and pushed to the floor. You
scraped your knees and hands in the fall.
◊
Imagine how you feel.
◊
Your mother and sister are on their way over for dinner.
◊
Will they know by looking at you what has happened?
◊
Do you tell them what happened?
◊
What do you tell them?
◊
How will they react?
◊
Will they be angry with you for hiding the abuse for the past eight years?
◊
Did the kids hear it from their room?
◊
Will they tell anyone what is happening?
◊
How can you keep them safe? From being afraid?
◊
Where did your partner go?
◊
Will he come back mad? Loving? Ready to hurt you again?
◊
What can you do?
◊
Should you leave?
◊
Where would you go?
◊
How can you make it alone?
◊
You’re supposed to stand by your man, your husband, for better or worse.
◊
Your children need their father.
◊
You’re afraid he’ll find you.
◊
How will you support yourself and your kids?
◊
Your children love their school, their friends.
◊
You have no job skills.
◊
You have no money.
◊
Maybe it’s your fault.
◊
Maybe you can do better and not upset him.
◊
You don’t want to leave your home—you’ve lived there for 12 years.
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◊
◊
◊
◊
◊
◊
He said you’ll never make it on your own.
You don’t want to end your marriage—you just want the abuse to stop.
What should you do?
What is the best option? The safest option?
What else do you think about when you think about leaving?
Do you wish people understood how difficult it is to leave?
Some discussion points to explore
Once you have completed reading the lines, and invite participants to open their
eyes and offer the following discussion points:
◊ What came up for you as you imagined the unfolding reality described in these
lines?
◊ Imagine considering leaving the abuser under these circumstances. What
thoughts come up?
■Some closing thoughts on challenges to leaving an abusive relationship
Too often we hear the question, “Why doesn’t the victim just leave?” The very
question demonstrates a lack of understanding of what it really means to be in a
relationship with an abusive and violent partner. Worse, it places responsibility
for doing something about the violence on the shoulders of the victim. The
responsibility does not belong there.
As we see from the material we have just covered, leaving an abusive partner can
place a person in great danger. Even if the perpetrator is not threatening lethal
harm, the dynamics of intimate partner violence combine to make it extremely
difficult to escape.
Thus, instead of asking, “Why doesn’t the victim just leave?” it would be more
appropriate to ask the following questions:
 “Why does this person batter?”
 What can we do to stop this behavior?
 “What can we do to provide immediate and enduring safety from abuse?
THE IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON ADULTS WHO ARE
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BATTERED
 The impact of domestic violence on adults who are battered
 They have fear of being battered again.
 Economic dependence keeps victims in abusive relationships.
 Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant
that auto accidents, rapes, or muggings.
`
Psychological harms include:
 Low self-esteem
 Depression
 Post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD)
■Fear of being assaulted again
Domestic violence has wide-ranging and sometimes long-term effects on victims
that can be both physical and psychological. First and foremost is the fact that
the experience of battering can leave the victim in terror of being battered again.
Where the violence has included sexual assault—as is often the case—the fear of
abuse can take on a truly terrifying dimension. Instilling this fear is a key tactic
used by perpetrators.
■Economic impact
Intimate partner violence can have a significant economic impact on the lives of
its victims.
o Because workplaces are often public places, victims may not be safe at
work.
o If the perpetrator harasses them at work, in addition to being unsafe,
victims may struggle with how to explain the situation to co-workers
and/or supervisors.
o They may lose their jobs for reasons associated with the abuse, such as the
following:
 Absenteeism because of illness as a result of the violence.
 Absenteeism because of court appearances associated with
obtaining protection from abuse or associated with custody or
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visitation issues.
o Victims may have to move many times to avoid violence. Moving is costly
and can also interfere with continuity of employment.
o Many victims have had to forgo financial security during divorce
proceedings to avoid further abuse.
■Immediate and long-term physical effects
o The immediate physical effects of domestic violence are obvious. Battering
is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant that auto
accidents, rapes, or muggings.
o Many of the physical injuries sustained by victims of domestic violence can
cause medical difficulties in later life. Arthritis, hypertension, and heart
disease have been traced to domestic violence earlier in adulthood.
o Medical disorders such as diabetes or hypertension may be aggravated in
victims of domestic violence because the abuser may not allow them
access to medications or adequate medical care.
o Victims may experience head injuries, chronic pelvic pain, abdominal and
gastrointestinal problems, frequent vaginal and urinary tract infections,
sexually transmitted diseases, and HIV.
o Victims may also experience pregnancy-related problems. Women who are
battered during pregnancy are at higher risk for poor weight gain, pre-term
labor, miscarriage, low infant birth weight, and injury to or death of the
fetus.
■Psychological harms
In addition to the physical impacts of intimate partner violence, victims of
partner violence also experience psychological harms, some of which can be
more devastating and longer lasting than the physical injuries they sustain. Chief
among these are depression, thoughts of and attempts at suicide, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is caused by an overwhelming life experience that is not digestible—
physically, emotionally, or spiritually—and that impacts the body, the mind, and
the spirit.
■PTSD
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The following are some key things to understand about PTSD:
To paraphrase Judith Herman, author of Trauma and Recovery, traumatic events
can profoundly affect us:
 They call into question basic human relationships.
 They can breach our connections to family, friends, and community.
 They can shatter the construction of the self that is formed and is
sustained in relation to others.
 They can undermine belief systems that give meaning to human
experience.
 PTSD is caused by an overwhelming life experience that is not digestible—
physically, emotionally, or spiritually—and that impacts the body, the
mind, and the spirit. Its most common symptoms are re-experiencing the
traumatic event, avoidance and numbing, and hyperarousal. Domestic
violence and sexual assault are prime examples of overwhelming life
experiences.
Post- traumatic stress disorder Symptoms
 Recurring nightmares
 Intrusive and frightening thoughts that can occur anytime
 Extreme emotional and/or physical reactions (chills, heart palpitations,
panic)
 Hyper vigilance—always being on edge
 Feeling emotionally detached and withdrawn
 Inability to concentrate
 „Feeling jumpy and being easily startled
Here are some behaviors we might observe in a person with PTSD:
 Being jumpy and easily startled. While a sudden noise might startle many
people, for a person with PTSD that same noise could make them
practically “jump out of their skin.” This is known as hyperactive startle
reflex.
 This high state of arousal can result in sleep difficulties.
 Inability to regulate emotions or overreaction: those who have PTSD might
react strongly to small things, which can make it difficult to concentrate or
focus. When this happens repeatedly, a person can have difficulties in
parenting, in job performance, and in many other aspects of everyday life.
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Post traumatic stress disorder :Emotional consequences
Survivors with PTSD
 May have a hard time being loving family members.
 May avoid activities, places, and people associated with the traumatic
event.
 May be so emotionally drained that they have trouble with basic daily
functioning.
Emotional detachment may take place as a way of coping with emotional
systems being in overdrive as a result of the trauma. Feelings of rage, shame, and
helplessness are common results of intimate partner violence. When they seem
to come in floods of emotion, this can simply be too much to bear. Shutting
down emotionally in these situations can actually be a form of protection, even
though they have negative consequences, when emotional detachment leaves a
person unable to respond to children, family, or friends.
Post traumatic stress disorder: Avoidance and numbing
 Individuals with PTSD may try to avoid situations that trigger memories of
the traumatic event.
 For some trauma survivors avoidance takes the form of seeking
distractions that enable them to avoid thinking about the traumatic event.
 Numbing is a common strategy for avoiding the possibility of having to relive the traumatic events that caused PTSD.
Emotional avoidance and numbing.
Those who have suffered serious trauma that results in PTSD might experience
emotional numbing as a way to avoid situations that can trigger memories of the
trauma.
FLASHBACKS
Imagine experiencing the most terrifying horror movie you’ve ever seen playing
over and over in your mind. You can’t make the images go away
Flashbacks can occur at any time and can be triggered by events that are not
obvious to those who are serving the trauma survivor. During a flashback, a
person experiences many of the actual physical sensations associated with the
traumatic event. The survivor may act as if she or he were being attacked (for
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example, by screaming, running, hiding, or struggling physically). This reexperience of the trauma may appear to “come out of nowhere,” but, in fact,
something has triggered it.
Dealing with flashbacks: some ways to help
 Gently remind the person that this is a flashback, that the actual event is
over, and that she or he has survived.
 Encourage slow breathing, focusing on the inhalation and the exhalation.
(When there is panic, the body takes short, shallow breaths, leading to a
decrease in oxygen and heightened anxiety. Increasing the oxygen in our
system by slow breathing helps reduce anxiety.)
 Gently urge the person to return to the present by
 looking around and taking note of the colors in the room, listening to the
sounds that arise and pass away.
When someone is having a flashback, it can be helpful to gently suggest that this
is what is happening, and to support the person to ground herself or himself by
breathing slowly and deliberately for a few moments and paying attention to the
present moment,
Depression
 Depression is one of the most common consequences of domestic
violence.
 Depression is NOT the result of laziness, weakness, personal failure, or lack
of will power.
Symptoms of depression
 Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells.
 Loss of energy or persistent fatigue or lethargy.
 Significant change in sleep patterns (insomnia, sleeping too much, fitful
sleep).
 Loss of interest and pleasure in activities previously enjoyed, social
withdrawal.
 Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness.
 Thoughts of death or suicide.
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■Depression
Depression is very common in those who have been abused by an intimate
partner.
Symptoms of depression include the following:
 Loss of energy and/or appetite.
 Deep and prolonged sadness.
 Persistent pessimism.
 Irritability, worry, anxiety, and agitation
■Suicide
Suicide is neither an illness nor a condition. It is a complex set of behaviors that
exists on a continuum, from ideas to actions.
Suicide
Those who have been abused may experience thoughts of suicide and may
attempt to commit suicide. Research has shown a strong correlation between
those who consider or commit suicide and those who have experienced domestic
and sexual assault.
 Warning signs for suicide include talking about and/or threatening suicide
 Other signs include withdrawing from social connections, engaging in risky
behavior, giving away belongings, and saying good-bye to people in ways
that suggest that they won’t be seen again.
Questions to ask someone considering suicide
Direct questions are best.
 Are you thinking about dying?
 Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
 Are you thinking about suicide?
 Have you thought about how you would do it?
 Do you know when you would do it?
 Do you have the means to do it?
It is important to find a way to directly address the issue of suicide with program
participants. Direct questions are the best way to do this. By asking questions
that invite the program participants to talk about their thoughts and plans, you
can accomplish these very important objectives:
 You are giving a clear message that you are concerned and are available to
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the program participant.
 You can obtain crucial information that will enable you to decide what
steps, if any, you need to take.
Responding to program participants who appear to be struggling with thoughts
of suicide or actually take suicidal actions can be very challenging. This is
especially so for those who have personally struggled with suicide or have a
family member or close friend who has struggled with or committed suicide.
Using supervision to address and explore these issues is an essential part of
responding skillfully to program participants.
Note to trainer: If your agency/organization has a policy about how to respond to program
participants who are suicidal, this would be a good time to distribute the policy. If it does not, it
would be a good idea to suggest that such a policy be developed.
Complex PTSD
 Complex PTSD is a result of repeated or chronic infliction of traumatic
violence.
 Victims have enormous difficulty coping or responding to offers of
assistance.
Complex PTSD
 While PTSD may arise from a single traumatic event and may be a condition
that is relatively short term, many survivors have experienced repeated
and prolonged abuse. The consequences for these individuals can be long
lasting and challenging to understand and to address. Complex PTSD is an
emerging field of understanding that can offer us a way to both
understand what is happening for a survivor and to respond with
compassion and skill.
 The signs and symptoms of Complex PTSD can look like mental illness and
are, in fact, often diagnosed as major mental illness. Bipolar disorder and
schizophrenia are two of the most common examples of the diagnoses
obtained by survivors who have Complex PTSD.
 At the same time, individuals with this depth of trauma frequently turn to
addictive substances in an effort to escape the pain, which can be both
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physical and mental. Very often people struggling with addiction have
abuse and trauma histories, frequently dating from childhood.
 When we meet a survivor who has experienced long-term partner violence,
is struggling with addiction to alcohol and or drugs (including legal drugs
that have been prescribed by physicians or psychiatrists), and reports
being diagnosed with a major mental illness (or shows signs of serious
mental illness), it may be that we have met a survivor with Complex PTSD.
Complex PTSD
Some signs and symptoms






Feelings of extreme disconnection
Fundamental changes in relationships to others
Fundamental changes in basic belief systems
Radical changes in self-perception
Altered perceptions of the perpetrator
Victims are often diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or
other mental
illnesses.
 Addictive substances provide an escape from the pain.
Some characteristics and behaviors associated with Complex PTSD include the
following:
 Feelings of extreme disconnection. Examples include emotional numbness;
non- responsiveness; and non-interaction with service providers, children,
and/or friends and relatives.
 Fundamental changes in one’s relationship to others. An example is
breaking one’s association with potentially supportive individuals.
 Fundamental changes in one’s basic belief systems. Examples include
beliefs and expectations that no one can be trusted, that one cannot count
on offers of support and assurances of help, and that recovery from the
effects of abuse is not possible.
 Radical changes in self-perception. A common example is a feeling of
extreme self-loathing and worthlessness.
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 Altered perceptions of the perpetrator. An example is internalizing and
expressing a belief in the ultimate power of the perpetrator to both
control and protect the survivor.
 Responding effectively to challenging behaviors that are associated with
Complex PTSD is not easy. Supervision is essential for those who work with
survivors whose behavior suggests complex PTSD.
THE IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN
Opening exercise: 911 recording (also known as “the Lisa tape”)
o Introduce the 911 recording with a warning like the one contained in the
note to trainer above.
o Play the recording.
o Invite reactions and thoughts from training participants, with questions
such as the following:
o How did it feel to listen to Lisa?
o What emotions came up for you about the perpetrator?
o What feelings came up for you about Lisa’s siblings?
o What feelings came up for you about Lisa’s mother?
o Did you have any particular reactions to how the person from the police
department worked with Lisa?
o How do you think Lisa’s experience might affect her over the long term?
o What kinds of support do you think Lisa and her siblings might need to
recover from the effects of this experience?
o What kinds of support do you think Lisa’s mother might need to help her
understand and respond to the ways in which this experience might affect
her children?
■When we talk about children who witness adult domestic violence or are
exposed to adult domestic violence, it is important to keep in mind that the
witnessing and exposure we
are discussing can be direct and indirect as well. Here are some examples:
 Infants and very young children may be physically caught in the crossfire of
abuse when they are being held by a parent who is attacked by the abuser.
 Children might be direct witnesses by being in the same room when a
parent is being beaten.
 Children can be in an adjoining room and hear the sounds of violence,
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including the threats and verbal abuse of the perpetrator and the fear and
pain the voice of the person being beaten.
 Children might not see or hear the abuse, but they may see the results in
the abused parent in the form of bruises or in the obvious emotional
distress that the victim exhibits.
■Looking at the impact of adult domestic violence on children is important
because, for every victim of violence who is a parent, there are children who
suffer deep and enduring harm as a result of witnessing the abuse—abuse that is
most often inflicted on their mothers and most often inflicted by their fathers.
The children of domestic violence are
at great risk for the following:
 Being seriously abused themselves.
 Developmental delays.
 Long-term psychological damage.
 Emulation in their own adult relationships of the violence to which they
have been exposed as children.
Impact of domestic violence on children
 Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or
neglected at a rate 15 times the national average.
 Children exposed to the battering of their parents suffer the same harm
and display the same symptoms as children who are actually abused.
 If untreated, trauma of this degree may thread its way into adulthood,
appearing as emotional instability; the formation of volatile relationships;
lagging work productivity; substance abuse; and inconsistent, if not
abusive, parenting styles.
 The majority of studies of abusive men find that a high percentage of them
come from homes in which there was abuse of a spouse, a child, or both.
■Here are some things to keep in mind in our work with survivors who are
parents and in our work with children:
 Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or
neglected at a rate that is 15 times the national average.
 The most serious cases of child abuse resulting in emergency room
treatment are often extensions of the battering rampages launched
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









against the child’s mother
Studies have shown that despite mothers’ efforts to shield their children
from violence, 68 to 87% of incidents of partner abuse are, in fact,
witnessed by children. A 1995 Massachusetts study estimated that 43,000
Massachusetts children are exposed to reported acts of domestic violence
each year.
Parent-child relationships, influenced by many factors, can be deeply
impacted when a battered parent’s physical and mental health are
adversely affected by domestic violence.
Children exposed to the battering of their parents suffer the same harm
and display the same symptoms as children who are actually abused,
including the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Such trauma can
damage their capacity to trust, resulting in their being hyper vigilant. It can
impair their ability to manage tension, frustration, and transition, and can
adversely impact their school work and social relationships.
If left untreated, trauma of this degree is likely to thread its way into
adulthood, appearing as emotional instability; the formation of inadequate
or volatile relationships; lagging work productivity; substance abuse; and
inconsistent, if not abusive, parenting styles.
The severity of a particular child’s reaction to family violence is often
related to his
or her age, proximity to the violent event, the victim’s relationship with the
child, and the presence of a parent or caretaker to mediate the intensity of
the violence.
During their early years, children naturally turn to their parents as their
most immediate source of stability and protection. When these same
adults are the perpetrators or the emotionally distraught casualties of
violence, the child’s need for safety and stability may be undermined or
even shattered.
Very young children who have witnessed violence bear the additional
burden of being least able to communicate their fears and reactions in
words. As a result, they may have the fewest resources available to them
to help them cope with this exposure.
Among preschoolers exposed to domestic violence, trauma symptoms
frequently observed by clinicians include regression to earlier stages of
functioning, insomnia, sleepwalking, nightmares and bed-wetting,
headaches, stomach aches, diarrhea, ulcers, and asthma.
Adolescence may be marked by the beginning of violence in peer and
dating relationships. For girls witnessing their mothers being battered
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during early adolescence may result in their belief that threats and violence
are the norm in relationships. For boys it may result in the belief that
violence is an appropriate way to resolve conflicts. Children in this age
group who witness violence against their mothers often have difficulties in
school, including poor academic performance, school phobia, and
difficulties in concentration. They have an increased tendency to fight with
peers, rebel against instruction and authority, and exhibit an unwillingness
to do school work. Many suffer low self-esteem, sadness, depression, poor
impulse control, and feelings of powerlessness.
 The majority of studies of abusive men find that a high percentage come
from homes in which there was abuse of a spouse, a child, or both.
■It is important to understand the ways in which intimate partner violence can
impact the capacity of a victim of violence to parent her or his children and how
this affects the children. Consider the following:
 Perpetrators may purposely work to undermine the relationship between
the battered parent and her or his children, creating fear and disconnection
between them and using the victim’s fear to cement power and control
over the victim.
 The more intense and persistent the violence, the less able a battered
parent may be to care for the child and respond to the ways in which the
violence has affected the child.
 When domestic violence has rendered one parent unable to care
effectively for her or his children, the children may jump into caretaking
roles for younger siblings and, sometimes, into attempting to care for the
battered parent. This “parentified” behavior is not healthy and can have
long lasting, negative effects on children and their parents.
 If the impact of domestic violence is severe enough to leave children in
seriously unsafe situations, the government can intervene, removing
children from their homes and placing them in foster care. Even when this
is necessary to protect the fundamental safety of children, and even when
foster care placement is made with appropriate friends or family members,
this is likely to be devastating to both children and parents and to the
parent-child relationship.
On the other hand, we know that some children appear to be quite resilient.
What do we mean by this word? Here is a definition of resilience:
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Resilience is…the ability to survive, and even to thrive, in the face of adversity.
Investing in Children, Youth, Families, and Communities
■An exercise: Resilience
Write the above definition on newsprint.
Invite training participants to offer thoughts on what kinds of factors might
contribute to a person’s ability to survive or thrive in the face of adversity.
After hearing from participants, note that the literature on resilience tells us we
are most likely to witness resilience in children who have been harmed by
exposure to adult domestic violence, if we can provide the following :
 Safety.
 A relationship with a caring adult who offers unconditional support for the
child as a person.
 Positive and high expectations of the child.
 Opportunities for meaningful participation in positive community activities.
Impact of domestic violence on children
A sober look at our world reveals ... all too many children struggling to move
forward, but [who] are being diverted, or even blocked by the adults who
surround them. Abused women and front-line staff in shelters have spoken out
for over a quarter century about violence in the lives of women and children.
Gradually, social scientists have 'validated' these observations with increasing
evidence that witnessing violence is neither a benign nor passive event.
Violence and the misuse of power and control may gradually traumatize even the
most resilient of hearts and minds among our children....
[It is] our strong belief that stopping violence and healing from its effects are
possible only through a coordinated, multi-system response.
Peled, Jaffe, and Edleson, Ending the Cycle of Violence: Community Responses to
the Children of Battered Women.
■Although children can demonstrate enormous resilience, this resilience is not
likely to be realized if our system of services remains as fragmented as it is today.
Here is how one group of researches explained this point:
“A sober look at our world reveals ... all too many children struggling to move
forward, but [who] are being diverted, or even blocked by the adults who
surround them.... Abused women and front-line staff in shelters have spoken out
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for over a quarter century about violence in the lives of women and children.
Gradually, social scientists have ‘validated’ these observations with increasing
evidence that witnessing violence is neither a benign nor passive event. Violence
and the misuse of power and control may gradually traumatize even the most
resilient of hearts and minds among our children.... [It is] our strong belief that
stopping violence and healing from its effects are possible only through a
coordinated, multi-system response.” Peled, Jaffe, and Edleson, Ending the Cycle
of Violence: Community Responses to the Children of Battered Women
■An exercise: Coordinated responses
What does a coordinated response include? Invite training participants to
suggest the names of local institutions (other than your own
agency/organization) that can
provide support and services to children affected by domestic violence and their
parents.
Examples that might be offered include the following:
o A specialized program of clinical services for children affected by domestic
o violence (if one exists in your area).
o A local health or mental health center with a counseling department whose
staff
o have been trained to provide trauma-informed services.
o School-based counseling services for children, including strong special
education
programs.
Note to trainer: Whether and how you facilitate this exercise depends on whether your
agency/organization offers specialized services for children. If it does offer such services, you
will probably use this time to describe these services in detail.
Note to trainer: If your agency/organization has a collaborative relationship with a community
agency that specializes in services to children of domestic violence, this would be a good time to
share information about that agency.
Note to trainer: The handout "When Home Isn't Safe—Children and Domestic Violence," by
Betsy McAlister Groves, provides a good overview of how children experience adult domestic
violence.
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WRAPPING UP
■ A closing exercise
o Have participants pair off.
o Each person will share one thing with your partner that you learned in this
session
o that you did not know prior to the session. Say how you imagine this new
knowledge will concretely impact your work as a new staff member or
volunteer.
o When this has been completed, invite each person to tell the whole group
what the partner shared.
■ Closing questions
Ask if there are any lingering questions about the material covered in this
session.
EVALUATING THIS SESSION
If you are asking participants to evaluate the session, hand out the evaluation
form in Appendix 2 and give people time to complete it. Encourage people to
take their time and to answer each question completely and thoughtfully.
Remind participants that they will not be writing their names or otherwise
identifying themselves on this evaluation.
RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: SERVICES PROVIDED
TIPS FOR TRAINERS
This chapter covers the range of services provided by domestic violence
agencies/organizations Thus, the chapter describes each service in a general way
that is likely to be applicable to all domestic violence service
agencies/organizations. Study the materials and adjust your presentation to
match the services your agency/organization actually provides and present these
services in a way that is tailored to your agency/organization is recommended
that you attend to self-care during the session. Here are some ways to do this:
 Begin each session with some kind of check-in or opening exercise.
 Be sure to take a break during the training session and invite participants
to use the break to relax and to separate for a few minutes from the work
being done during the training. Depending on the place in which training
happens, it might be possible for participants to take a walk outdoors
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during the break.
 Invite participants to share a few words, especially at the end of a session,
about things they might do when they leave the session to take care of
themselves.
OBJECTIVES
The material in this chapter will give participants
■ A basic understanding of the range of services that domestic violence
agencies/organizations most typically provide
■ A basic understanding of the services that this agency/organization provides
KEY TERMS AND CONCEPTS INTRODUCED IN THIS CHAPTER
Hotline
Safety planning Danger assessment Emergency shelter
Specialized substance abuse shelters
Safe homes Transitional housing Permanent housing
Service for children affected by adult domestic violence
WELCOME AND INTRODUCTIONS
■Trainer’s introduction
A trainer’s introduction is probably only necessary if this session has a new
trainer or there are a significant number of new participants.
■Participants’ introduction
Participants’ introductions should only be necessary if there are new group
members.
■Suggested guidelines for participation
Review the guidelines for participation that were developed in the first session.
■An icebreaker
You can use this time to facilitate an exercise that helps participants feel relaxed,
energized, and ready for the work at hand. See Appendix One for suggested
icebreakers.
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INTRODUCTION TO THIS CHAPTER
■The premises of this chapter
Understanding the continuum of services available to adults and children who
struggle with and are affected by domestic violence is essential if we are to
respond holistically. Few agencies/organizations are able to provide responses
that address every single point along this continuum.
If there is a service a survivor needs that our agency does not provide, our job is
to be able to connect the survivor with that service. This means developing and
continuously nurturing collaborations with partners in the community.
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AN OPENING EXERCISE:
An opening exercise
o
Create teams of four or five people, depending on how many are in the whole group.
o
Explain that they are to take on the role of a team of staff whose job is to help figure out what
kinds of services survivors might find useful.
o
Each team will be given the following scenario and then have about ten minutes to answer a set of
questions.
o
After they have done their work together for about ten minutes, invite them to report on their
answers.
The scenario (which can be put on newsprint or made into a handout)
A woman with a child, who looks to be about 9 years old, came to the agency seeking “information” about
domestic violence and about our services. She is invited to meet with one of the staff and she tells the
following story. She was sent to us by her son’s school counselor. The school counselor told her that the son
was overheard telling some other kids that his mother’s girlfriend and his mother had a huge fight and that
his mother was walking around with a black eye and a broken tooth. The woman acknowledges that she
and her girlfriend had a fight but says it wasn’t really a big deal and that her son tends to exaggerate
things. She tells you that the only reason she is here is that she is afraid that if she doesn’t do what the
counselor says, the counselor will call DCFS and they will take her son away, DCFS being a
homo/bi/transphobic agency. After more conversation, the woman says that she probably could use some
counseling to deal with her issues. In addition to having a girlfriend who is, in her words “kind of
aggressive,” she has a son who is very angry that she is a lesbian. Moreover, the woman is worried that if
she stands up to the girlfriend she will tell the whole world about the relationship and that would be a
catastrophe on many levels, one of which is that the son’s father would probably take custody of the son
and she would never see him again.
Here are the questions for each team to discuss. You can put them on newsprint or make a handout and
distribute it:
 Is there any additional information we need to be able to decide what services we might offer this
woman?
 What kinds of services could we offer her?
 What suggestions might we make with regard to her son?
After each team has made its report, here are some questions to explore:
Are there any concerns about serving a lesbian who is struggling to sort out the complex issues raised by
the scenario? If so, what are they and how might we deal with them?
If help is needed in working on these issues, do we know how to get that help?
In what ways are the experiences of this person universal to all who experience intimate partner violence
and in what ways are they unique to her as a lesbian?
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HOTLINE SERVICES
■Hotline services generally
Understanding the dynamics of crisis
To respond effectively to those who call the hotline, we need to be able to
respond to people in crisis. For this reason, having an understanding of the
dynamics of crisis is an important element of this work. Here is one such
understanding that is particularly geared toward those who are struggling with
intimate partner violence:
Before a crisis occurs, a person’s life is manageable. There may be serious
stressors and constant or increasing threats, but the person feels able to cope
with these. There is a sense of balance, however frail the balance may be.
In the context of domestic violence, a crisis is an event (or the culmination of
several events) that radically shifts a person’s sense of life as manageable to one
in which things do not seem manageable. Abuse or the threat of violence may be
the cause of the crisis, and the shift may be accompanied by confusion,
disorientation, or scattered thinking processes. There is a sense that things are
out of control and it is not clear how to recover the sense of balance that one
had prior to the crisis.
Crisis intervention skills




The ability to listen fully and attentively
Listen with empathy, respect, and acceptance and without interrupting.
The ability to assess the situation
Understand the caller’s level of crisis and help to clarify the situation so
that the caller can make action decisions.
 The ability to support action
 Support the caller’s effort to examine alternatives and settle on one or
more action steps.
Crisis intervention
If we understand that most people who use the hotline do so while in a state of
crisis, we approach hotline work as crisis intervention. It is generally agreed that
crisis intervention skills include the following:
 The ability to listen fully and attentively. To listen fully and attentively,
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hotline responders need to be able to attend to the caller with empathy,
respect, and acceptance.
 The ability to assess the situation. By listening fully and attentively, hotline
responders are able to understand the caller’s level of crisis and capacity
and to respond accordingly. The process of assessment involves asking
questions that help the caller clarify the situation and eventually make a
decision about what action to take. It is important to recognize that it is
not the role of hotline responders to tell a caller what to do (or not do).
Listening to the caller’s description of the crisis, and asking appropriate
questions, can help the caller to obtain a measure—however small—of
balance, and this in turn can help to diminish the degree of crisis that has
surrounded the person.
 The ability to support action. Listening and assessment skills enable a
hotline responder to support the caller to examine alternatives and choose
one or more action steps that are consistent with the safety concerns and
that can support resolution or passing of the crisis.
 When hotline services are felt to be effective, the caller feels that she or he
has been believed and supported. The element of crisis in which things feel
out of control has begun to abate.
Statewide, toll-free, domestic violence hotline
 (888) 411-1333
 Confidential response 24/7/365.
 Safety planning
 Direct linkage to emergency shelter
 Resource linkage to supportive services such as counseling and legal
advocacy
■Statewide hotline services
With funding from DCFS, Louisiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence
operated, a statewide hotline that provides crisis intervention and information. It
assists callers who need shelter by connecting them to emergency shelters that
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have openings.
■Our hotline services
Use this time to describe specific aspects of hotline work that new staff and
volunteers in your agency/organization need to understand.
SAFETY PLANNING AND DANGER ASSESSMENT
■Safety planning and danger assessment generally
o With roots in the battered women’s movement, safety planning is a
lynchpin of our community’s response to domestic violence. Safety
planning is an interactive process that focuses on the immediate safety
needs of the victim, whether or not there is an intention to leave the
abusive partner.
o Although there are many variations in safety plans, most safety plans have
the following components:
o Steps that can be taken to maximize safety and minimize harm for a person
who is currently in a violent relationship
o Steps that a person can take while preparing to leave a violent relationship
o A checklist of items the person would want to have when leaving a violent
relationship
o Steps that can be taken by a person who has left a violent relationship to
secure and assure safety over a longer period of time
Note to trainer: Assuming your agency/organization has a safety planning protocol that it uses,
introducing the protocol at this time in the training would be appropriate. How much time you
dedicate to this depends on whether and to what extent training participants will be engaging
in safety planning with survivors.
○ It is important to keep in mind that safety planning with a person whose
relationship to the perpetrator continues is as important as—if not more
important than—safety planning with a person who has found a way to separate
from the abuser.
○ Assessing the likelihood that a person will be harmed by the perpetrator has
also been an important part of safety planning. Alternatively called “risk
assessment,” “danger assessment,” or “lethality assessment,” this process
focuses on the perpetrator’s past and recent behavior to get a sense of how
great the current risk of serious harm may be.
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Most recently assessment of risk has been linked to the need to hold
perpetrators accountable for their behavior, and efforts are underway to
improve our community’s capacity to assess risk and to develop communitycentered responses to risk that
focus more fully on the perpetrator.
A great deal of work on danger assessment has been done by Jacquelyn
Campbell and others at Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing. Dr.
Campbell and her associates have developed a 20-point danger assessment that
is available for use by community providers.
Danger assessment instrument
The Danger Assessment was developed by Dr. Jacquelyne C. Campbell in 1986
with consultation from battered women, shelter workers, law enforcement
officials, and other clinical experts on battering.
It includes a 20-item instrument that uses a weighted scoring system to count
yes/no responses of risk factors associated with intimate partner homicide.
The Danger Assessment is available as a free download at
http://www.dangerassessment.org
Note to trainer: If you want to spend time studying Dr. Campbell’s Danger Assessment, “Risk
and Lethality Assessment in the Field of Intimate Partner Violence,” this article includes the
Danger Assessment instrument.
■Some safety planning specifics
It is clear that danger assessment and safety planning are applicable to all who
are at risk of harm from intimate partner violence. We have also seen (in Chapter
Five) that people from various communities experience domestic violence in
ways that are unique to their communities and to the histories and contexts in
which these communities lead their lives.
Safety planning with people from these communities needs particular attention.
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Here are some examples:
o Safety planning with teens
o Safety planning with teens addresses the particular ways in which teens
experience and respond to intimate partner violence. For one example of
how to think about safety planning with teens, see “A Teen’s Safety Plan,”
developed by the Family Violence Prevention Fund and available at
http://www.fvpf.org.
o Safety planning with people with disabilities
o People with disabilities who struggle with intimate partner violence
experience unique challenges both in terms of the actual experience of
domestic violence and in terms of their ability to access services. For
additional thoughts on safety planning and screening for survivors with
disabilities, see “Model Protocols on Safety Planning
& Screening Practices for Domestic Violence Victims with Disabilities” by
Cathy Hoag, Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services for the Washington
State Coalition Against Domestic Violence (Revised 2004). This document
is available from the National Online Resource Center on Violence Against
Women: http://www.vawnet.org.
o Safety planning with LGBTQ survivors
o Truly understanding the ways that domestic violence affects and/or plays
out in LGBTQ communities requires more than reading a training manual.
In-depth training that addresses these complexities is offered every year by
the Boston GLBT Domestic Violence Coalition. This training covers essential
topics, from making your program more LGBTQ-accessible to determining
whether the person you’re working with is the survivor or the batterer..
■Agency-specific methods of assessing risk and conducting safety planning
o Use this time to describe specific aspects of risk assessment that new staff
and volunteers in your agency/organization need to understand.
o Consider a role play exercise in which a training participant completes your
agency/organization’s safety plan document in conversation with someone
who plays the role of a survivor. If you do this, it might make sense for you
(or another trainer)
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to take the role of the survivor.
COMMUNITY BASED SERVICES
■Community based services generally
The term “community based services” refers to those services that an
agency/organization offers to those who live in the community and are struggling
with domestic violence and its aftermath. Many of the services that are described
in this segment are also offered and provided to survivors who use residential
services. It is important to keep this in mind as we explore these services in this
segment.
■Assessment
This is a process in which staff engage with a survivor in order to understand her
or his needs, explain the services that are available (either directly from the
agency/organization or through referral to a resource in the community), and
begin to develop a plan for the use of offered services. At its best, assessment is
a dynamic and ongoing process that takes into account two important factors.
The first of these is that information about a survivor and his or her needs is likely
to emerge over time as trust is developed between the survivor and provider.
The second is the fact that the survivor’s circumstances are likely to change—in
part, as a result of the services your agency/organization provides.
An exercise: The dynamic nature of assessment
Present the following scenario:
A survivor of domestic violence comes to our agency/organization seeking
services. In conversation with the person you learn that he has obtained an order
of protection (a restraining order) that includes an order for the perpetrator to
leave the home (a vacate order) and a custody order for their five-year-old child.
The abuser has left but says he has an attorney and is going to fight this at the
next court hearing, which is set to take place in five days.
Ask the training participants to help you think through what kinds of support and
services your agency/organization might offer the person, based on this scenario.
Services offered might include legal advocacy for the court hearing and group
and individual counseling. The training participants might add other services to
this list.
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Now add the following to the scenario:
The survivor has entered into individual counseling. The survivor and counselor
have been steadily developing a level of trust that supports the survivor to share
more and more information. In a particular session, the survivor shares that the
child is having nightmares, is not eating well, and seems to be having trouble in
school. The survivor says that this has been going on for a while, but he hesitated
to say anything for fear that the counselor would judge him to be a poor parent.
Ask the training participants what kinds of additional support and services might
be offered in light of this new information. Suggestions might include referral of
the child to a specialized program of services for children exposed to adult
domestic violence.
Now add the following scenario:
After continued counseling, the survivor shares that the perpetrator sexually
assaulted him during the relationship and may have also sexually abused the child.
He reports that, in addition to being terrified for himself and the child, he was
afraid to report this because, even though he clearly wanted to stop the
perpetrator’s abuse, he was afraid that “the system” would respond with
homo/bi/transphobic brutality to the perpetrator and he couldn’t bear to think he
might be responsible for that.
Invite training participants to suggest supportive services that could be offered in
light of this disclosure. If your agency/organization does not have this capacity, a
suggestion could include referral for advocacy and counseling services especially
geared toward the needs of GLBT survivors.
Support training participants to be sure that the suggestions offered take into
account the survivor’s fears (which we know are legitimate) and his desire to
balance his need for safety for himself and the child with his concerns for the
perpetrator.
You can close this exercise with a reflection on the fact that we most often learn
about the needs of survivors as we work to support them and as trust grows.
Seeing assessment as a dynamic process enables us to be sure that we are
responding fully to survivors and their children.
■Information and referral
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This is a process that results in supporting individuals and families to locate and
access needed services in their communities. In its best sense, information and
referral includes following up to make sure that a referral has resulted in the
receipt of needed services or assistance and, if it has not, working with the
person to develop and implement alternative plans.
■Individual support
Individual services can include counseling, coordination of services within the
agency/organization, and ongoing assessment of the needs of the survivor or
program participant.
■Support groups
Domestic violence agencies/organizations offer a range of support groups on a
variety of subjects. Some support groups have an educational component, and
some are focused on specific subjects. Examples of typical support groups
include domestic violence support and education groups, parenting support
groups, and economic literacy groups. Best practice models of support groups
generally assume that support groups are co-facilitated by two individuals who
have been specially trained in group facilitation and that child care is provided for
parents who participate in support groups.
Advocacy
Providing information and support to a person who is working to achieve selfdefined goals
Taking action to achieve specific goals
■Advocacy services
 Advocacy has been a core component of domestic violence services from
the earliest days of the battered women’s movement.
 The definition of an advocate as “someone who provides information and
support to a person who is working to achieve self-defined goals” is
general and specific.
 They are general when, for example, the advocate’s job is to work with the
program participant to respond to whatever needs for advocacy assistance
may arise. They are specific when, for example, a specially trained legal
advocate assists a program participant to address legal needs that arise
out of the domestic violence situation.
 Historically, advocacy services in domestic violence agencies/organizations
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have been separately focused on adults or children. In this model a person
might have the job designation of “Children’s Advocate” or “Woman’s
Advocate.”
 The current trend is toward integrating advocacy services for adults and
children and creating the job designation “Family Advocate.” This newer
model is based on an understanding of the ways in which the needs of
adult survivors and their children are deeply interconnected. It recognizes
that, when advocacy assistance is provided with appreciation for the
concerns of both adult and child survivors, that assistance is more likely to
have long-term benefits for both.
 When they work with survivors to achieve the survivor’s goals, advocates
are demonstrating the central elements of the empowerment model. By
tailoring their efforts to the specific realities of the survivors with whom
they work, advocates demonstrate a key element of trauma-informed
service.
■Our community based services
Use this time to describe specific aspects of community based services that new
staff and volunteers in your agency/organization need to understand.
SERVICES FOR CHILDREN AFFECTED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
■Services for children affected by domestic violence, in general
It is well known and undisputed that adult domestic violence can cause serious,
long-term harm to children. Despite this knowledge, children affected by adult
domestic violence have historically met a fragmented system of services. On the
one hand, too many domestic violence service agencies/organizations do not
have staff who are skilled in clinical assessment and intervention services for
children. On the other hand, too many mental health agencies for family and
children do not appreciate the extent to which family violence pervades the lives
of their adult clients and do not fully understand the impact of domestic violence
on children. In recent years, there have been increasing efforts to respond to this
problem by prioritizing services for children and working to develop a more
integrated response to children affected by adult domestic violence.
These efforts have been informed by the belief that early and successful
intervention on behalf of children constitutes an important form of prevention of
domestic violence.
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■Basic children’s services
Apart from specialized children’s services such as these, most domestic violence
agencies/organizations provide basic children’s services that include the
following: child care while parents participate in program services; referral for
child care and other children’s services; and, in shelters, work with individual
children that is intended to create an environment of safety for the children.
■Our services for children affected by domestic violence
If your agency/organization has a specialized set of services for children, it would
be a good idea to have this presented by a staff person who is part of that
program. If your agency/organization has an especially close collaborative
relationship with another agency/organization that provides this service, it would
be helpful to invite a staff person from that program to present this material to
new staff and volunteers in your agency/organization.
WRAPPING UP
Closing questions
Ask if there are any closing questions about the material covered in this session,
EVALUATING THIS SESSION
If you are asking participants to evaluate the session, hand out the evaluation
form in Appendix Two and give people time to complete it. Encourage people to
take their time and to answer each question completely and thoughtfully.
Remind participants that they will not
be writing their names or otherwise identifying themselves on this evaluation.
RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: HOW WE DO THE WORK
TIPS FOR TRAINERS
This chapter introduces the following concepts that are basic to the delivery of
domestic violence services: empowerment and the delivery of trauma-informed
services; advocacy skills; counseling skills and communication skills; and
supporting survivors’ cultural and spiritual values and resources. It also includes
segments on confidentiality and record keeping and on mandatory reporting of
suspected child abuse or neglect.
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Although there are separate sections on advocacy and counseling skills, there is a
great deal of overlap between these two functions, and the communication skills
necessary to be a good advocate and a good counselor are very much the same.
Depending on how you decide to use these materials, you might want to include
the materials on communication in the advocacy section or combine advocacy,
counseling, and communication skills into one section.
The material in this chapter addresses each of these concepts in ways that are
likely to be applicable to your agency/organization and to domestic violence
services generally. Where your agency/organization has specific policies to which
new staff and volunteers should be
introduced, this can be done following the general material.
As with the materials in other chapters, you should feel free to use those sections
that are appropriate for your agency/organization and skip those that may not
apply to you.
The material in this chapter may give rise to discussion of whether, when, and
how staff and volunteers are supported to disclose to program participants their
own experience of intimate partner violence. Being clear on this is essential to
both protecting program participants and honoring the experience of staff and
volunteers who are survivors. By taking the time to assure that new staff and
volunteers appreciate, understand, and accept the policies on self-disclosure that
your agency/organization has adopted, you can go a long way toward meeting
both of these important goals.
OBJECTIVES
The material in this chapter will give participants
■A basic understanding of the concepts of empowerment and trauma-informed
approaches to domestic violence
■An understanding of basic advocacy, counseling, and communication skills
■An appreciation for the importance of honoring the cultural and spiritual
resources that survivors bring to their experience
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■Basic knowledge of the agency’s policies and procedures regarding
confidentiality and record keeping
■A basic understanding of the laws and regulations governing mandatory
reporting of suspected child abuse and neglect and of the agency’s policies
regarding mandatory reporting
KEY TERMS AND CONCEPTS INTRODUCED IN THIS CHAPTER
Empowerment
Trauma-informed responses Harm reduction Empowerment counseling
Confidentiality
Mandatory reporting of suspected child abuse and neglect (51A)
WELCOME AND INTRODUCTIONS
■Trainer’s introduction
A trainer’s introduction is probably only necessary if this session has a new
trainer or there are a significant number of new participants.
■Participants’ introduction
Participants’ introductions should only be necessary if there are new group
members.
■Suggested guidelines for participation
Review the guidelines for participation that were developed in the first session.
■An icebreaker
You can use this time to facilitate an exercise that helps participants feel relaxed,
energized, and ready for the work at hand. See Appendix One for suggested
icebreakers.
INTRODUCTION TO THIS CHAPTER
The premises of this chapter
■How we deliver services to survivors is as important as the services we deliver.
■Domestic violence services should be grounded in the empowerment model
and should be trauma-informed.
■These two approaches are harmonious and complementary.
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■The theories that support our work are sometimes easy to state and difficult to
apply. For this reason, it is helpful to see the effort to apply these theories as a
practice in which we do our very best and remain open to continuously learning
new ways improve our work
EMPOWERMENT AND THE DELIVERY OF TRAUMA-INFORMED SERVICES
Empowerment
 Empowerment is a process that supports a survivor’s intrinsic inner
awareness, strength, and capacity to gain the skills and knowledge needed
to exercise positive power in her or his life.
 The empowerment model assumes that every survivor has personal and
community strengths that can be summoned in support of safety and
recovery from the effects of domestic violence.
■What we mean by empowerment
Empowerment has been a foundational concept of domestic violence work since
the earliest days of the battered women’s movement. The core principle of the
empowerment model is that the survivor is the expert on what can and should
be done to secure safety and to recover from the effects of partner violence.
Empowerment is
a process that supports a survivor’s intrinsic inner awareness, strength, and
essential capacity to gain the skills and knowledge needed to exercise positive
and productive power in her or his life.
Later on in this session we will look at what it means to actually provide
empowering services on a day-to-day basis. For now, it is important to
understand the basic concept of empowerment as it relates to those who have
experienced domestic violence. One way to do this is to look at what
empowerment does and does not
mean in the context of serving survivors of domestic violence:
 Empowerment means assuming a survivor has personal and community
strengths that can be summoned in support of safety and of recovering
from the effects of domestic violence.
 Empowerment means providing a survivor with information that can be
used to make decisions related to safety and recovery.
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 Empowerment does not mean insisting that a survivor can do something
that she or he believes she or her cannot do.
 Empowerment does not mean standing by while a survivor tries and fails to
accomplish important goals, on the theory that these efforts will make her
or him stronger.
The empowerment model is consistent with a strength-based approach to
services. A strength-based approach assumes that every survivor has the capacity
to secure safety and recover from the effects of domestic violence. In a strengthbased approach, as in the empowerment model, our responsibility is to support a
survivor to discover and
use these strengths in ways that work for him or her. It is not our job to
encourage a survivor to take steps that we believe to be most likely to keep the
survivor safe, even when we are certain that our assessments are correct.
■An exercise: The empowerment quiz
 Hand out the quiz and invite training participants to answer the questions.
 Invite a training participant to read one of the statements and then ask
how many wrote that the statement is “true” and how many said “false.”
 Explore participants’ reasons for responding as they did, using the time to
explore the complexities and nuances of empowerment approaches.
 If a particular issue raised in the quiz touches on a formal policy of your
agency/organization, you can use this time to present that policy.
Trauma informed services
 Trauma informed services” refers to a way of responding to survivors that
takes into account the likelihood that those who seek services will have
experienced (or will still be struggling with) a depth of intimate partner
violence that causes trauma.
 Trauma informed services respond to the specific experiences and needs
of survivors.
What we mean by trauma-informed services
The term “trauma-informed services” refers to a way of responding to survivors
that fully takes into account the likelihood that those who seek our services will
have experienced (or will still be struggling with) a depth of intimate partner
violence that causes trauma.
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Chapter 5 of this training series introduced the relationships between the
experience of domestic violence and trauma. A reminder and a summary follow.
The effects of traumatic events (such as domestic and sexual violence) have been
well-documented. As articulated by Judith Herman in Trauma and Recovery, we
know the following about traumatic events:
 They can call into question basic human relationships.
 They can breach the connections that we otherwise have to family, friends,
and community.
 They can shatter the construction of the self that is formed and is
sustained in relation to others.
 They can undermine the basic belief systems that give meaning to human
experience.
When traumatic events are repeated or become chronic, as they often do in the
case of domestic violence, this can cause complex PTSD. The signs and
symptoms of complex
PTSD include the following:
 An inability to regulate emotions
 Feelings of extreme disconnection
 Fundamental changes in one’s relationships to others
 Fundamental changes in one’s basic belief systems
 Radical changes in self-perception
 Altered perceptions of the perpetrator
 These signs and symptoms can look like mental illness and are, in fact,
often diagnosed as major mental illness. In addition, survivors who have
survived chronic trauma frequently turn to addictive substances in an
effort to escape the physical and emotional pain.
Survivors with Complex PTSD often have enormous difficulty coping with their
lives or responding to our offers of assistance.
○Agencies/organizations that offer services that are trauma-informed do not
necessarily have the capacity to provide treatment services for those who
manifest the signs and symptoms of complex PTSD. Nevertheless, there are
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things that agencies/organizations can do to respond effectively. These include
the following:
 Services focus on what has happened to the survivor rather than on what
might be wrong with her or him.
 Strong collaborations are fostered with agencies/organizations that can
provide mental health and/or addiction-related services with an equal
dedication to a trauma-informed approach. This means, among other
things, that these agencies/organizations understand domestic violence
and how it affects adults and children.
 The importance of tailoring our responses to the specific needs of survivors
of trauma cannot be over-emphasized. In many ways the experience of
trauma is universal. In other ways it is unique to each individual survivor.
Listening attentively to each survivor with whom we work can help us to
really appreciate this, especially when it comes to understanding what
combination of factors spark a particular survivor’s ability to break through
the challenges that she or he has met on the path to recovery.
Note to trainer: The excerpted material from “Models for Developing Trauma-Informed
Behavioral Health Systems and Trauma-Specific Services” provides a useful overview of this
issue. It can be used as a handout to generate additional conversation.
Note to trainer: The excerpt from “It’s My Time to Live: Journeys to Healing and Recovery”
provides a useful way to understand the kinds of circumstances that support a trauma
survivor’s commitment to recovery. One way to use it might be to invite training participants to
read it prior to the session, so that you can discuss it during the session.
■What we mean by a harm reduction approach to domestic violence
In the realm of individualized responses tailored to meet the specific needs of
each survivor of trauma, there is a trend toward adapting harm reduction
approaches that have historically been associated with HIV/AIDS treatment.
Whether and how these might be applicable to survivors is an important
question to explore.
As an important aspect of advocacy work, harm reduction emphasizes the
dynamic and changing realities that survivors often experience. By understanding
this reality and supporting a survivor to look for ways to be as safe as possible in
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an inherently unsafe situation, advocates can help keep the concept of safety
planning front and center in the agency/organization’s work with the survivor.
Hand out “Harm Reduction Approach to Survivor Services” and review key points
as follows:
 As applied to intimate partner violence, harm reduction aims to reduce the
negative consequences of violence in ways that work for the survivor. It is
understood that reducing the negative consequences of violence may well
mean finding ways to survive while violence persists.
 Harm reduction approaches ask us to meet survivors “where they’re at.”
 The concept of empowerment is central to harm reduction approaches in
that both approaches focus on the survivor as the person best able to
make decisions about how to be safe and how to achieve recovery.
■The relationship between empowerment and trauma-informed services
In providing high-quality domestic violence services, we do not need to choose
between the empowerment model and the trauma-informed approach because
these are harmonious systems. They use different language to articulate many of
the same basic principles.
■An exercise: Exploring the meeting of these models
Offer the following hypothetical scenarios and ask training participants to
suggest how each approach (empowerment, trauma-informed services, and
harm reduction) would respond to the scenario:
Scenario one
Imagine a man whose perpetrator husband has abused him for many years,
battering him in ways that outsiders would not observe, and then arranging for
his spouse’s
pain to be eased through the use of powerful and illegal pain killers. Now
addicted to these drugs, the victim relies on his perpetrator spouse for the drugs,
even as the battering keeps causing the pain. In the course of a hotline
conversation, you hear
that the victim is struggling with what to do, saying that he can hardly bear the
violence but also cannot possibly imagine a way out.
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Scenario two
A woman is homeless after being thrown out of her house by her batterer
husband and has endured years of sexual and domestic violence. She has been
forced into prostitution and has become addicted to injection drugs. She has
been offered and declined shelter on several occasions, expressing fear that “the
system” is “out to get her.”
Scenario three
A guest in a domestic violence shelter has a history of serious mental illness and
abuse of anti-psychotic medication. Other guests are complaining about the
guest’s erratic behavior and have accused the guest of stealing their money to
buy drugs.
ADVOCACY SKILLS
■We have seen that advocacy services are an essential component of an
effective response
to domestic violence. Achieving the goal of providing empowering and traumainformed advocacy means tending to the following:
 Creating an atmosphere in which the survivor feels safe and able to
honestly and freely share the experience of domestic violence.
 Believing what the survivor tells you about the experience.
 Validating the survivor’s experience without making judgments or in any
way blaming the victim.
 Acknowledging the survivor’s feelings and perceptions.
 Educating the survivor about her or his options, so that she or he can make
thoughtful decisions.
 Supporting the survivor’s decisions, even if these are different from
decisions you think you might make in the same situation.
■These goals may be more difficult to achieve than we expect. Here are some
reasons, all of which can be barriers to effective advocacy:
 We might find ourselves subtly blaming the survivor, thinking that, if she or
he had done something differently, the abuse might not have happened or
might not have been as serious.
 We might not believe what the person has told us.
 We might fail to see and acknowledge the strengths that the survivor
brings to his or her situation.
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 If we talk more than we listen, we miss opportunities for effective
advocacy, especially if we talk about our own experience or our views of
what the survivor has told us.
 If we tell the survivor what to do (or nor do), our efforts will not be
empowering.
■An exercise
 Hand out Responding to Victims of Violence—Advocacy Strategies That
Help.
 Invite training participants to choose one of the suggestions and give an
example that could illustrate why the suggestion is consistent with skillful
advocacy.
■An exercise
 Hand out Advocacy Empowerment Wheel.
 Invite training participants to choose a section of the wheel and offer some
thoughts on concrete steps that can be taken to operationalize the
principle that is enunciated and also some challenges that come to mind in
operationalizing that principle.
COUNSELING AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS
There are many models of and approaches to counseling. This section offers the
model of
empowerment counseling, a model that applies basic tenets of the
empowerment model to the interactions between providers and program
participants or clients.
Empowerment counseling
Empowerment counseling invests survivors with self-confidence and authority to
act by offering support, resources, advocacy, information, and education. The
goal ... is to equalize power between a survivor and a counselor thereby enabling
shared growth. Susan Schecter
■What is empowerment counseling?
Empowerment counseling is a model that integrates core principles of the
empowerment model in the work of counseling survivors of intimate partner
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violence. Susan Schechter offered this definition of empowerment counseling: “a
shared
method in which survivors take control of their lives by making choices.
Empowerment counseling invests survivors with self-confidence and authority to
act by offering support, resources, advocacy, information and education. The
goal of the helping relationship is to equalize power between a survivor and a
counselor thereby enabling shared growth.”
Here are some things to consider in relation to this model of counseling:
 This model is based on the principle that just as “I am responsible for
myself,” so is the client responsible for her or himself. Just as “I have the
ability to choose who I am,” so does the client.
 Our job is to facilitate the client’s efforts to take charge of her or himself
(e.g., be assertive).
 By empowering yourself, you are able to offer to others methods of
communication and messages that encourage them to empower
themselves.
 Communicating within this framework involves the following:
 Sharing a common ground with the client so that there is an equalization of
power.
 Acknowledge that the client is offering to you as much as you are offering
to the client. It is often very difficult for a survivor to describe the
experience of domestic violence. Try to see this as a gift that enables you
to gain new information and insight that you can use in your feedback to
the survivor.
Remembering that you and the client are separate individuals and that your
values, emotional responses, and opinions may be different from the client’s.
This asks us to be both involved and separate and is not always easy. Remember
that, while there may be similarities between our life experiences and those of
the survivor, each person experiences domestic violence in a unique way. There
are cues that can suggest that we are not separating ourselves appropriately.
These include the following:
 Finding yourself making internal comparisons between your experience
and the client’s.
 Using (or thinking of using) the phrase “If I were you…” in responding to a
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client’s question.
 Using (or thinking of using) the phrase “In my culture…” or “When I had
that experience….”
Staying focused on validating the client’s experience and offering support and
encouragement. Here are some points to remember:
 Accept that you can never fully understand what is going on with a client.
 Though you try to understand with respectful curiosity, because you are
not that person, it is inevitable that you can only learn about “pieces” of
the person’s experiences, values, and feelings.
 Validating another’s experience means letting the person know that you
are listening attentively, that you understand what is being said, and that
you believe what is being said without judgment or conditions.
 Offer support and encouragement throughout the empowerment
counseling process. This occurs when you reflect back to someone what
you hear, when you facilitate the client’s clarification of her or his situation,
when you encourage the client to think about what situations she or he
would like to be in, when you facilitate the client’s understanding of what
is holding him or her back from making changes, and when you express
genuine acceptance of the client’s reasons for making particular choices.
Empowerment counseling skills





Non-verbal communication and attending skills
„ The ability to reflect content
„ The ability to reflect feelings
„ Clarification and problem identification skills
„ The ability to educate and share information
■Some skills needed for empowerment counseling
 Non-verbal communication and attending skills
 The helper, through body posture and tone of voice, gives the message, “I
am listening. I care.” By paying attention to the volume and tone of the
client’s voice, facial and other body expressions, we gain perceptions of
the client’s unspoken messages.
 Reflecting content
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 By paraphrasing (reflecting back) to the client the content of what we have
just heard, we are assured of getting the facts correctly. Since the client
may not be carefully listening to his or her own words, this can also
facilitate self-awareness. By using
 this skill we also validate what the client is sharing and we exhibit
understanding.
 Reflecting feelings
 This involves checking to see if the feelings you see and hear in the client’s
content, volume, tone, and body expressions are in sync with the client’s
self-perception. The use of this skill exhibits a willingness to accept the
client’s emotions and enables the client to vent these feelings as well.
 Clarification and problem identification
 With the use of this skill, we actively check in with the client to make sure
that we understand the facts that have been presented to us and the
feelings that may not be directly stated. This involves asking for more
information and identifying the main concerns that we hear either directly
or indirectly in the client’s words. When we do this well, we are also
facilitating the client’s efforts to solve problems and to gain greater selfunderstanding.
 Education and information
 This is an essential part of empowerment counseling because it provides an
opportunity for the client to learn about myths related to domestic
violence and how others tend to experience intimate partner violence. In
this way, the client learns that his or her experience has been shared by
others who have found ways to secure safety and recovery for themselves
and their children. This aspect of empowerment counseling also includes
providing community resources as these are needed, giving the client
options that at one time may have seemed impossible.
■Some challenges and how to deal with them
Empowerment counseling is not always as easy as it sounds. Here are some
challenges that can arise and some thoughts on how to deal with them.
 “Hop-skip-and-jump” listening happens when we take mental excursions
while the client is speaking and we actually miss things that have been said.
 Missing the point is revealed when we respond to minor facts or miss
central themes in the client’s story. When the client suggests that we have
 misunderstood, we need to practice taking that information in honestly
and asking the client to repeat what has been said so that we can listen
more fully.
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 Distracted listening takes place if we are not listening attentively. This may
be because of work-related time pressures or because of personal issues in
our own lives. We can miss important facts or cues that the client is
presenting.
 Dismissal of the subject matter can happen if we slip into judging or
characterizing what the client is telling us.
 Criticism occurs when we find ourselves disqualifying the client’s thoughts,
feelings, or beliefs.
 Stereotyping is happening when, in hearing a client’s story, we find
ourselves thinking, “That sounds just like …” or “I have heard that one
before…” or “That sounds familiar….”
 Minimizing occurs when we say (or think of saying) something like this:
“Remember, things could be worse,” or “That’s not as bad as what
happened to me.”
 Advising takes many forms and is a common example of disempowerment.
It can include phrases like, “If I were in your shoes I would …” “I think you
should…” and “Why don’t you…?”
 Reassuring communication is a natural response to people who are at risk,
worried, or suffering in any way, but it is not empowering. A typical phrase
that signals reassurance is, “Don’t worry, thing will work out.”
 Ordering often happens when we are personally concerned about the
safety and well-being of the client and feel that action is needed
immediately. This concern can override our commitment to empowerment
counseling. When we say (or think to say) things like, “You must…” or
“You really should…,” we are falling into this habit.
 Being mindful of these traps is the first and most important aspect of
working toward ever more empowering counseling. Exploring these in
supervision is vital.
The section on empowerment counseling is adapted from materials provided by
Independence House
■An exercise: Exploring challenges to empowerment counseling
 Using some or all of the challenges listed above, place the training
participants in pairs and invite each pair to choose one of the challenges to
work on.
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 For the chosen challenge, ask them to write a full sentence that illustrates
the kind of response that would not be called empowerment counseling
and then to write a sentence with the same content that illustrates
empowerment counseling. For example, if they picked “Ordering” they
might write these two sentences:
 Not an illustration of empowerment counseling: “You really need to figure
out how to stop the abusive behavior.”
 An illustration of empowerment counseling: “What kind of things do you
need to know that will help you figure out some steps that would work for
you in dealing with the abuse?”
SUPPORTING SURVIVORS’ CULTURAL AND SPIRITUAL VALUES AND RESOURCES
In keeping with the empowerment model and a strength-based approach to
domestic violence services, responding skillfully to survivors includes supporting
survivors to tap into the cultural and spiritual values that have helped them in the
past and can serve as resources as they move forward. In exploring the value of
this aspect of domestic violence service response, consider the following:
■Every survivor is part of a culture that has the potential to provide support and
comfort to a person struggling with domestic violence. Our work is to support
survivors to identify these areas of support and take advantage of them.
■At the same time, it may be true that a particular culture condones violence in
intimate partnerships or within families. In this case, our work is not to simply
accept these cultural norms or support the survivor to accept them/.
■Inviting a survivor to explore this potential is very much a part of a strengthbased and empowering approach to domestic violence services.
■This is not something to be forced on program participants, but it is an
openness to explore an area of a survivor’s life that the survivor has described as
an area of strength and support.
■There is a danger here of generalizing about people’s cultural values and
spiritual resources. We can avoid falling into this trap by remembering that the
empowerment model and trauma-informed approaches both ask us to see each
survivor as an individual and not as a symbol of other survivors or groups of
survivors.
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■It is also essential that we remain mindful of our own values and beliefs and
work to be sure that these do not interfere with our ability to support the values
and beliefs of the survivors with whom we work.
CONFIDENTIALITY AND RECORD KEEPING
Note to trainer: The material in this section is general in nature. If your agency/organization is a
dual agency, it is assumed that your training for new staff and volunteers already has material
that explains the differences in protocols applicable to sexual assault survivors and domestic
violence survivors. This would be a good time to distribute and discuss your organization’s
protocols on record keeping and on what staff or volunteers should do if they receive a request
for information from an outside source.
■Confidentiality
The first and most important principle to know is that all program participants
have a right to have their information kept confidential inside your
agency/organization within the limits allowed by law. Requests for information
about the services your agency/organization has provided can come from a
court-appointed guardian ad litem or probation officer. We can only share this
kind of information if the program participant agrees that it can be shared and
has signed a release.
A subpoena is an official legal document that requires the person or organization
upon which it is served to produce specific documents or to appear as a witness
in court. A party to a legal action that involves a program participant can serve a
subpoena on your agency/organization, requesting copies of all records related
to a program participant and can subpoena a staff person to court as a witness or
to produce records.
The laws governing confidentiality are different depending on whether program
participants are receiving services from a domestic violence counselor or from a
rape crisis counselor. In general, a survivor’s communications with these
counselors are confidential. There are special legal rules called “privilege” that,
with certain exceptions, allow a program participant to prevent a counselor from
testifying in
court about those communications or submitting records of the counselor’s
work with the program participant.
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Record keeping
 Keeping good records is an essential aspect of quality services. Good
records assure continuity in the provision of services.
 At the same time, records can pose dangers for survivors of domestic
violence and sexual assault.
 A generally agreed-upon principle of record keeping is that safety concerns
should be the priority.
Note to trainer: Depending on the jobs that training participants will have and their level of
interest, you might want to share the article “Model Protocol on Record- Keeping When
Working with Battered Women.”
WRAPPING UP
TIPS FOR TRAINERS
The purpose of this chapter is to give participants an opportunity to reflect on
the entire training series, ask any lingering questions, and generally bring a
feeling of closure to the training series.
It may be that there are materials that are specific to your agency/organization
that you will want to distribute to program participants in this session.
OBJECTIVES
This chapter will give participants an opportunity to reflect on what they have
learned
through this training series
WELCOME
An icebreaker
You can use this time to facilitate an exercise that helps participants feel relaxed,
energized, and ready for the work at hand. See Appendix One for suggested
icebreakers.
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INTRODUCTION TO THIS CHAPTER
In this last training session we will have a chance to work with the material left an
impression on you, explore any questions that may linger.
LOOKING AT WHAT MADE AN IMPRESSION
Create small groups of between four and six participants and no more than three
small teams.
Give each team the following instruction:
■Spend a few minutes choosing one training topic that impressed all members of
the group. This should not be a big topic, but one whose substance can be
summarized in about 10 to 15 minutes. (Some examples include the following:
challenges associated with leaving a violent relationship, the particular ways in
which people from GLBT communities experience domestic violence, or the
reasons that immigrant victims of violence might hesitate to turn to the legal
systems for help.) Give the group about five minutes to come to agreement on
what topic to cover.
■Once chosen, the team will construct a very short mini-training on that topic.
The mini- training should include no more than 10 minutes of presentation and 10
to 15 minutes of engagement with others in the group. Give the group about 10
to 15 minutes to plan their mini-training.
■Have each team conduct its mini-training. The audience will be all other training
participants and the trainer. Give each team up to 25 minutes to deliver their
training.
■When all have done this here are some questions to explore:
o What prompted the group to choose the topic?
o Were others under consideration? If yes, why were they not chosen?
o How did it feel to be the trainer?
o Did the group feel it had a good grasp of the topic?
ANY LINGERING QUESTIONS?
Invite participants to reflect on the training sessions and to use this time to ask
any questions
that linger for them.
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EVALUATING THIS SESSION
If you are asking participants to evaluate the session, hand out the evaluation
form and give people time to complete it. Encourage people to take their time
and to answer each question completely and thoughtfully. Remind participants
that they will not be identifying themselves when they complete this evaluation.
EVALUATING THE ENTIRE TRAINING
If you are evaluating the entire course of the training series, you will give the
post-test evaluation at this time. Remind training participants of the purpose and
methodology as follows:
■The purpose of this kind of evaluation is to study the extent to which learning
has taken place during the course of the training series.
■This is the same quiz that participants took when this training series first began.
■We will compare the responses given the first time with those given this time.
The hope is that many more of the responses given this time will be correct than
were when the quiz was first given.
Hand out the quiz and give people time to complete it. Point out that they will
need to put their names on this quiz so that you can compare the answers they
give today to the answers they give at the close of the training series.
A CLOSING EXERCISE
■This suggested closing exercise gives training participants another opportunity
to explore self care. You can introduce the exercise by making the following
points:
o Anticipating the chance to apply what has been learned during this training
to the real world of domestic violence services is the perfect moment to
remember the importance of self care.
o Reflecting on things you can do to bring a sense of balance to your work
(whether as a staff person or a volunteer) increases the odds that you will
succeed in this effort.
■Have participants pair off, using the opportunity to connect with individuals
with whom they have not worked very closely during the training series.
■Once in pairs, invite each person to take a few minutes to think about one self
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care practice that she or he would be willing to undertake in a committed and
sustained way as she or he begins work with the agency/organization.
■Then ask each person to share this idea with his or her partner. The person
listening is charged with asking the speaker what she or he might need by way of
support to make it more likely that the self-care practice will actually be done.
■After both members of the pair have had an opportunity to explore the
questions, invite each person to share what his or her partner has offered,
including kinds of support that might be needed to make the effort succeed.
Note to trainer: To close the session and the training series, you might thank everyone for their
attention and participation, wish everyone well, and share some wonderful food.
RESOURCES
MATERIALS OF GENERAL INTEREST
Best Practices Manual for Domestic Violence Programs, Arizona Coalition Against
Domestic Violence, http://new.vawnet.org
Breaking the Silence: A Training Manual for Activists, Advocates, and Latina
Organizers, Family Violence Prevention Fund, http://www.endabuse.org
Defending Our Lives, a video produced by Cambridge Documentary Films,
http://www.cambridgedocumentaryfilms.org
“Hostages in the Home: Domestic Violence Seen through Its Parallel, The
Stockholm Syndrome,” Jeri Martinez, http://www.mincava.umn.edu
RESOURCES FOR CHAPTER TWO: THE CONTEXT FOR OUR WORK,
“Brief History of the Movement to Address Domestic Violence,” Colorado Bar
Association, http://www.cobar.org
“Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States,”
LCADV Training Manual for Domestic Violence Advocates
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Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention, http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc
“Domestic Violence as a Human Rights Issue,” Dorothy Thomas and Michele
Beasley,Human Rights Quarterly, Volume 15, Issue 36
“Herstory of Domestic Violence: A Timeline of the Battered Women’s
Movement,” SafeNETWORK, http://www.mincava.umn.edu
“Important Stages of the Battered Women’s Movement in the United States,”
Millennium: Ending Domestic Violence, http://www.dvmillennium.org
Justice Denied: How Family Courts in NYC Endanger Battered Women and
Children, Voices of Women Organizing Project, http://www.vowbwrc.org
“Unheard Voices: Domestic Violence in the Asian American Community,” Sujata
Warrior, Family Violence Prevention Fund, http://endabuse.org
Violence Against Women theme issue of Human Rights Dialogue, , Fall 2003,
Series 2, Number 10, http://www.cceia.org
WHO Multi-country Study on Women’s Health and Domestic Violence Against
Women, World Health Organization, http://www.who.int/gender/violence
RESOURCES FOR CHAPTER THREE:
WHAT IT MEANS TO EXPERIENCE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Activist Dialogues: How Domestic Violence and Child Welfare Impact Women of
Color and Their Communities, Family Violence Prevention Fund,
http://new.vawnet.org
“Building Bridges Between Domestic Violence Organizations and Child Protective
Services,” Linda Spears, http://www.vaw.umn.edu
“Child Protective Services and Domestic Violence,” Janet Findlater and Susan
Kelly,Domestic Violence and Children theme issue of The Future of Children,
Volume 9, Number3, Winter 1999, http://www.futureofchildren.org
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“Choice and Empowerment for Battered Women Who Stay: Toward a
Constructivist Model,” Einat Peled, Zvi Eisikovits, Guy Enosh, and Zeev Winstok,
Social Work, January 2000, http://findarticles.com
“Distinctions Between Human Smuggling and Human Trafficking,” U.S.
Department of State, Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement
Affairs, Human Smuggling and Trafficking Center, http://www.state.gov
“Ensuring Fairness and Justice for Noncitizen Survivors of Domestic Violence”
Gail Pendleton, Juvenile and Family Court Journal, Fall 2003,
http://www.nationalimmigrationproject.org
Helping Children Who Witness Domestic Violence: A Guide for Parents
(Instructor’sManual), Meg Crager and Lily Anderson,
http://www.mincava.umn.edu
Human Trafficking Service Provider Manual for Certified Domestic Violence
Centers, Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2004,
http://new.vawnet.org
“Media Violence,” American Academy of Family Physicians, http://www.aafp.org
“Parenting in the Context of Domestic Violence,” Judicial Council of
California/Administrative Office of the Courts, http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov
Power and Control Wheels, National Network to End Domestic Violence,
http://www.nnedv.org
“Prostitution is Sexual Violence,” Melissa Farley, Psychiatric Times, Volume 21,
Number12, http://www.psychiatrictimes.com
“Reshape: The Newsletter of the Sexual Assault Coalition Resource Sharing
Project http://www.resourcesharingproject.org
“Sex Trafficking of Women in the United States: International and Domestic
Trends,” Coalition Against Trafficking in Women, http://action.web.ca
“Tech Abuse in Teen Relationships Study,” Liz Claiborne, Inc.,
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http://www.loveisnotabuse.com
“Teen Dating Violence: A Review of Risk Factors and Prevention Efforts,” Maura
O’Keefe, http://new.vawnet.org
“Teen Dating Violence Facts” in Warning Signs & Prevention Recommendations,
the American Bar Association, http://www.abanet.org
“Teen Dating Violence: Information and Resources,” the National Resource
Center on Domestic Violence, http://new.vawnet.org
“The Impact of Media Violence on Children and Adolescents: Opportunities for
Clinical Interventions,” Eugene Beresin, American Academy of Child Adolescent
Psychiatry, http://www.aacap.org
“Understanding Intimate Partner Violence,” Department of Health and Human
Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/
(enter “IPV fact sheet” in the search bar)
RESOURCES FOR CHAPTER FOUR: RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
SERVICES PROVIDED
“Assessing Risk Factors for Intimate Partner Homicide,” Jacquelyn Campbell, et
al., http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij
“Assessing Social Risks of Battered Women,” Radhia Jaaber and Shamita Das
Dasgupta, http://www.mincava.umn.edu
“Assessment of Dangerousness: Brief Overview of Risk Assessment in General
and Evaluation of the Danger Assessment Instrument,” Jacquelyn Campbell, Jane
Koziol- McLain, and Daniel Webster, http://www.dangerassessment.org
“A Teen’s Safety Plan,” Amy Hill, Family Violence Prevention Fund,
http://endabuse.org
“Domestic Violence Personalized Safety Plan,” National Network to End
Domestic Violencem “High-Tech Twist on Abuse: Technology, Intimate Partner
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Stalking, and Advocacy,” Cindy Southworth, Shawndell Dawson, Cynthia Fraser,
and Sarah Tucker, Violence Against Women Online Resources,
http://www.mincava.umn.edu
“Internet and Computer Safety,” Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence,
http://www.ilcadv.org
“Title VI Housing,” Violence Against Women Act Fact Sheets, http://endabuse.org
“Voices of Survival—Economic Impacts of Domestic Violence: A Blueprint for
Action,” Economic Stability Working Group of the Transition Subcommittee of
the Governor’s Commission on Domestic Violence, http://www.janedoe.org
RESOURCES FOR CHAPTER FIVE: RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: HOW
WE DO THE WORK
An Advocate’s Guide to Full Faith and Credit for Orders of Protection: Assisting
Victims of Domestic Violence, Full Faith and Credit Project, Pennsylvania Coalition
Against Domestic Violence, http://www.ncdsv.org/publications
“Confidentiality: Cornerstone of Safety for Native Women who are Battered,” by
Sacred
Circle, http://new.vawnet.org
Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault: Basic Curriculum for Advocates, Alaska
Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, http://www.andvsa.org
It’s My Time to Live, Bonita Veysey and Jennie Heckman, with Ruta Mazelis,
Laurie Markoff and Lisa Russell, http://ncadi.samhsa.gov
“Mental Health and Domestic Violence: Collaborative Initiatives, Service Models,
and Curricula,” Carole Warshaw and Gabriela Moroney, The Domestic Violence
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and Mental Health Policy Initiative, September 2002, http://new.vawnet.org
“The Relationship Between Counseling Self-Efficacy and Communication Skills of
Volunteer Rape Crisis Advocates,” Kellie Carlyle and Anthony Roberto,
Communication Research Reports, Volume 24, Issue 3, 2007,
http://www.informaworld.com
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APPENDIX
INTRODUCTORY EXERCISES, ICEBREAKERS, AND SELF CARE EXERCISES
INTRODUCTION
This appendix contains introductory exercises, icebreakers, and self-care
exercises that you can use in training sessions. All of them are designed to
relax and engage the new staff and volunteers who participate in this training
series and to encourage them to engage with this often emotionally
challenging work in ways that sustain their well-being. Although we have
divided the exercises into three sections, there is certainly overlap in how they
might be used.
Introductory exercises
Facilitated in a spirit that welcomes new staff and volunteers, the introductory
exercises can be used in the first training session and in subsequent training
sessions that include new participants. These provide an opportunity for
participants to introduce themselves and get to know one another. They can
also help underscore the common purposes that have brought people to the
agency/organization and create a friendly environment that supports strong
individual participation and increased learning.
Icebreaker exercises
These are intended to help participants feel relaxed, energized, and ready for
the work at hand. They are structured to be non-threatening, unrelated to the
subject matter of the training session, and fun. With these goals in mind,
icebreakers can add a measure of lightness that is so valuable as training
participants prepare to absorb material that can be emotionally challenging.
Like the sturdy ships that are designed to break through ice and create
passageways through frozen waters, icebreaker exercises help to clear the way
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for engaged learning by facilitating conversation and creating a relaxed
environment that supports openness and learning
INTRODUCTORY EXERCISES
ALLITERATION INTRODUCTION
This exercise helps participants get to know each other’s names.
■ Ask everyone to form a circle.
■ A participant starts the introductions by making a gesture, and describing
him or herself with a word that begins with the same sound as her or his name
(this is alliteration): for example, “I’m Wonderful Wendy” or “I’m Smart
Steve,” “I’m Fabulous Fran,” “I’m Bossy Bert.” The next player points to the
first ands says, “She’s Wonderful Wendy and I’m Rambunctious Ron,”
repeating all the previous players’ names, attributes, and gestures, and adding
something similar about herself.
■The introductions end with the first player having to do all the previous
players’ gestures, names, and attributes.
TEN FINGERS
This is great for getting to know each other in a new group. All players form a
circle and hold all 10 fingers up in the air. To begin, the first person asks a
question that takes a Yes/No answer, such as “Do you have a cat?” “Have you
ever stolen anything?” “Do you have children?” “Are you the oldest in your
family?” and so on. Whoever cannot answer yes to a question drops a finger,
until there is only one person remaining with a raised finger.
THE LITTLE KNOWN FACT
Participants are asked to share their name, role in the organization, length of
service, and one “little known fact” about themselves. This “little known fact”
becomes a humanizing element for future interactions.
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CROSS THE CIRCLE
Have everyone sit in a circle, with one person standing in the center. If you are
the person in the center, say, “Cross the circle if…” and name something you
have, something you have done, or something you can do. Examples are: if you
have ever jumped out of a plane, if you own a dog, if you have blue eyes, if you
can whistle. Those who can give a positive answer, including the one in the
center, will “cross the circle” and find an open spot of someone else who
answered positively. There should be one person left in the center. (This is
something like “musical chairs.”) This person then gets to pick the next “Cross
the circle if” topic.
UNCLE JOE’S SUITCASE
■ The group forms a circle. The first person: state your name and the reason
(brief) you applied for this job or chose to volunteer. Continue going around
the group, with each person repeating the names of those preceding them and
the reasons they gave.
■You also can substitute the “why you came here” with other things, such as
“what you like,” where you were born,” or “what you packed in Uncle Joe’s
suitcase” (see next paragraph).
■ Another version of this exercise is to begin with, “My name is and I packed
Uncle Joe’s suitcase with…” and continue around like that. The real trick is that
the last person in the group has to name all the people and why they came,
what they like, or what they packed in the suitcase.
LOLLIPOP
Pass out Dum-Dum lollipops to the group. (These are inexpensive lollipops that
come in several flavors with many letters in their names.) For every letter that
appears in the flavor, the participant has to share something about herself or
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himself that begins with that letter. For example if the flavor is “raspberry,”
the person might say, “I’m righteous, active, silly, perfectionist, beautiful,
reverent, ridiculous, and yummy.”
M&M’S
■ Pass out M&M’s, letting people take as many as they think they will eat
during the
session. Make sure the group members do not eat their M&M’s until their turn
has passed. Once everyone has chosen, explain to the group that for every M
& M in their possession, they must share something about themselves.
NOTE: If anyone knows this activity, ask them not to give away the secret under
any circumstances.
PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS
■ All participants are given a bag with pennies. Each participant should have
one penny for
each member in the group. If there are 20 people, players each should have 20
pennies.
■ Participants go around the room to each other and trade “a penny for a
thought.” Participants trade pennies and positive thoughts about what they
think of one another.
■ The activity continues until all participants have shared with every other
member of the group and each has a new bag of “pennies for thoughts.”
ΠFINISH THE SENTENCE
■ Go around the room and have each person complete one of these sentences
(or something similar):
o The best job I ever had was...
o The worst project I ever worked on was...
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o The riskiest thing I ever did was..
PAIRED SHARING
This is a great way to get people talking comfortably to people they don’t
know or to raise the level of engagement within a group whose members do
not know one another.
■
Ask participants to stand, move about the room (don’t just turn to the
person next to them), and find a partner they don’t know or they know the
least of anyone else in the room.
■
Once everyone is in pairs (if you have an odd number, one group can be a
threesome), the facilitator says: “You will have two minutes to discuss the
following topic with your partner....” Choose one of the following discussion
topics to offer them or you may have some of your own:
○
Find three things you and your partner have in common.
○
Describe for your partner the first job you ever held.
○
What would you do if you won the lottery?
■
At the end of two minutes, the facilitator gets the group’s attention and
may invite participants to share with the group what they talked about with
their partners.
■
Participants are then instructed to find a new partner and told they will
be given a new topic.
■
This cycle can be repeated two or three times.
ΠCOMPLETE THESE SENTENCES
Using sentence completions allows each person to share something about
herself or himself.
Make this fun and light. These can be put on a handout or on newsprint. Here
are some examples or you can create your own:
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■
If I suddenly found out that I had 24 hours to live I would spend them …
■
If I had to give up some modern convenience, like TV, car, toilet,
telephone, lighting, I
would select …
■
…
If I had to choose between loosing my hearing or sight, I would choose
■
If I could throw caution to the winds and really risk, I would …
■
The comic character I would like to be like is …
■
The most important decision of my life was/is …
■
As a child, may favorite game was …
■
My favorite movie of all times is …
■
What makes me laugh is …
■
Today, I like to play by …
■
I cry when …
Here is a second group of questions that can be done in slightly different way:
■
I need
■
If I had to make my life complete because .
■
I would be the happiest person in the world.
■
I can explain my life as an animal and that animal is a
■
I like to imagine I’m the cartoon character because
■
A gift I can give others is.
■
A gift I would like to receive from others is .
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■
If I had all the money in the world, I would .
■
I will eat anything put in front of me except
■
School for me was (is) .
■
If I had to give up a prized possession, it would be
.
.
ICEBREAKERS
ŒTWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
Give participants some time to write down two things about themselves that
are true and one
thing that is untrue. One at a time, group members will then share these three
“facts” about themselves and the rest of the group has to figure out which
two are true and which is
actually a “lie.” This can be done by saying, “How many think this is true? How
many think it is a lie?” Once all three items are voted on, the person “owns up,”
and then the next person takes a turn.
GREETINGS
■ Ask people to start milling about the room. Then ask them to greet one
another by just
shaking hands. Participants just shake hands, move on, and greet the next
person they meet with a handshake.
■ After a short while, ask the participants to greet each other in more specific
ways, with the trainer calling out one of the following, giving time for
participants to greet each other, and then calling another. Here are some
possibilities:
○
Greet each other as you would greet a long lost friend.
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○
Greet each other as if you don’t really trust each other.
○
Greet each other as you would greet an ex-lover.
○
Greet each other as you would greet someone you really don’t like.
○
Greet each other as you would greet someone for whom you have a
secret crush.
○
Greet each other as you would greet someone that sold you a miserable
used car.
○
Greet each other as you would greet someone with bad breath.
○
Greet someone as if you are a senator, a cowboy, a soldier, a movie star,
a farmer, or some other interesting character.
ΠPRESENTS
In this exercise, participants stand in pairs and give each other presents.
■
To give a present, you just open your arms or hands to indicate
(pantomime) that you’re holding something. Try not to think about what
you’re “holding,” but give it to your companion.
■
Upon receiving the present, you give it a name—the first thing that
comes to mind. You say something like, “Oh, thanks, a little dead bird.” You
promptly ignore your present and return something else to your companion.
■
This game works best if it’s played fast, so players really don’t have the
time to preconceive.
ΠWHO AM I?
In this exercise participants are asked to identify the names of famous persons.
■ The leader tapes the name of a famous person on the back of each
participant. (Examples: Serena Williams, Princess Di, Barack Obama, Maya Lin,
Hillary Clinton, Martin Luther King, Minnie Mouse, Cleopatra, Deval Patrick,
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Michelle Kwan, Queen Latifa, Yo Yo Ma—make your own list and be sure to
choose figures that group members are likely to know.)
■ The group member is not to see who is taped to their back. Their task is to
find out who they are.
■ Participants mill around the room asking others yes/no questions. Here are
some sample questions you can offer to help get them started: “Am I a
politician?” “Am I female?” “Am I more appealing to children than adults?”
“Am I famous for my accomplishments?” If they receive a “yes” answer, they
can continue to ask that individual questions until they receive a “no” answer.
Then they must continue on to ask someone else. When a group members
figure out who they are, they take off the tag, put it on the front of their shirt,
and write their own name on it. They can then help others
find out who they are. The exercise concludes when all participants have
discovered who they are.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Pick a past year or a date and then give each person a chance to tell what they
were doing on that date (Examples: January 1987, Summer 1990, December
2003).
WALK-OVER ASSOCIATION
Place all participants at one end of the room. Ask them to name, for
themselves, all the
things they think of when you throw them the word “Banana” (or some other
word). For every thing they come up with they can take a step. They should
keep thinking of things until they reach the other side of the room. Then throw
them another word.
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ORDER
This is a good warm-up exercise to help the group function/agree as a whole. If
you want to vary this exercise, you can instruct participants to line up in
silence.
■ Everybody starts milling about the room. You then ask them to line up
according to various criteria. Examples are:
○
Order by age
○
Order by height
○
Order by shoe size
○
Order by length of hair
○
Order by number of ex-lovers
○
Order by shades of blue
Note: Keep criteria light. Participants eventually realize that it doesn’t really
matter what the order is, as long as the group agrees on the order.
ΠHAVE YOU EVER?
■ Give the following explanation: I will call out different things that may or may
not apply
to each person. If the item does apply to you, then run into the middle, jump in
the air, and do a high 5 with anyone else who runs in.
■ A list of about 20 items should be tailored to the particular group and setting.
Usually the items are of a “Have you ever...?” form, but also free to ad lib, for
example, “Does
anyone have...?”
■ Items should be carefully considered in order to prevent embarrassment or
ridicule.
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■ Here is a list of possible “Have you ever?” items:
○
Have you ever climbed to the highest point in your country of birth?
○
Have you ever lived overseas for more than one year?
○
Have you ever sung karaoke?
○
Have you ever gone without a shower for more than two weeks?
○
Do you have both a brother and a sister?
○
Have you ever ridden a horse?
○
Have you ever eaten frogs’ legs?
○
Can you speak three or more languages?
○
Have you ever been in love with someone who was vegetarian (or a meat
eater)?
○
Have you swum in three or more different oceans?
○
Have you ever flown an airplane?
○
Have you broken three or more bones in your body?
○
Have you done volunteer work sometime in the last month?
○
Have you ever free-climbed a tree or rock face more than 10 yards
vertically?
○
Have you had a close relative who lived to over 100?
○
Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 20 people?
○
Have you ever kept a parakeet as a pet?
○
Have you ever parachuted or done a bungee jump?
○
Can you snap your fingers on your non-dominant hand?
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○
Have you ever seen a polar bear?
ΠVARIATION ON: HAVE YOU EVER?
■
Participants can generate their own questions. People are sitting in a
circle. Everyone has a chair (or rope ring or hula hoop) except the person who
is “It,” who stands in the center.
■
The person in the center asks a “Have you ever” question that is true for
himself or herself, such as, “Have you ever climbed a mountain over 10,000
feet?”
■
Anyone whose answer is “yes” gets up and moves to an empty seat. So,
if four people get up, they try to exchange seats as quickly as possible. The
person who asked the question tries to quickly gain a seat, leaving one other
person without a seat and they become the new “It.” If only one person gets
up, the person in the center will try to get to that person’s seat.
■
In choosing a question, participants can try for questions that reveal
something like, “Have you ever trekked the Great Wall of China?” or they can
ask simple questions like “Have you ever fallen off of a bicycle?” for which
most everyone would get up.
SELF CARE EXERCISES
MINDFUL BREATHING
Sit in a comfortable position, feet on the floor, with your back straight to allow
for alertness and relaxation, but not sleepiness. Rest your palms on your thighs
and either close or lower
your eyes. Breathe regularly and without force; allowing the breath to come
and go on its own. Notice the breathing pattern. Is the in-breath short? Is it
long? How about the out- breath? After a few minutes, slowly open your eyes.
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ΠSIMPLE STRETCHING
■ Standing in place with an arm’s length distance around you, feel your feet on
the floor.
Make stretching movements, in new and different ways. Stretch your whole
body. Stretch different parts of your body: arms, legs, hands and fingers, face,
shoulders, back, neck. As you stretch, be sure to remember to breath. If you
feel comfortable, let out a sigh as you stretch. If you need support, feel free to
hold on to a chair or the wall. Be sure to pay attention to what your body can
easily do.
■ When you are done, shake everything out. Shake your arms and head,
shoulders, one leg, the other leg (or foot).
ŒTENSION/RELAXATION
This can be done either standing or sitting.
Begin by gradually tightening your hands and fingers, and continue with your
forearms and upper arms. Then gradually let hands, fingers, and arms be loose.
Gradually tighten your
feet and legs. Gradually loosen feet and legs. Suddenly tighten your whole
body. Gradually loosen, little by little letting the tightness release. Tighten your
jaw and face muscles. Tight, tight, tight. Now let them go. Remember to
breathe. Gradually tighten all the muscles in your body, feeling them get
tighter and tighter (not to the point of hurting!) Then let everything go all at
once. Feel yourself letting go of all your tensions. Just enjoy that feeling for a
minute as your muscles let go more and more. Enjoy focusing gently on letting
go.
HEAVINESS AND WARMTH
With participants sitting comfortably, with their eyes lowered or closed, give
the following
directions in a calm, easy voice:
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■ Imagine that your feet and legs are getting heavier and heavier and warmer
and warmer.
It’s almost as if you are wearing some lead boots. Feet and legs heavy and
warm, heavy and warm.
■ Now, imagine your stomach and the whole central portion of your body
getting warm...warm and relaxed.
■ Your forehead is cool...cool...relaxed and cool, breathing is regular...easy and
regular.
■ Just feel the warm and heaviness spread all over the body.
After a few minutes invite people to slowly open their eyes in their own time,
perhaps look around the room, return to this group, this room.
A FAVORITE SCENE, PLACE, OR PERSON
Sitting quietly, recall in your mind the most relaxing thought you can. Perhaps
it’s a favorite place, a vacation spot, or favorite retreat of some sort; or it might
be a person with whom you feel at peace, or some scene—a beach, a meadow,
or whatever works for you. Take a few seconds to get that in mind. Now, see
or imagine that in your mind: colors, textures, quality of the air, smells. Be sure
to feel those good feelings you have when you are in that place. Just let them
take over your whole awareness. If your thoughts wander, just take them
gently back to that peaceful, relaxing place.
COOL AIR IN, WARM AIR OUT
With your eyes closed, and while relaxing quietly, gently focus on the end of
your nose. As you breathe in, feel the air coming in the tip of your nose. As
you breathe out, feel the air coming out the tip of your nose. Notice that the
air coming in may be cooler than the air going out. Gently focus on the cool air
coming in, and the warm air going out. As your attention wanders, just gently
bring it back to the tip of your nose.
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FOCUS ON A WORD
■ Pick a word that has “good” vibrations associated with it for you—a word
you associate
with relaxation, comfort, or peace. It could be a word such as “serenity”
“cool,” “peaceful,” “joy,” or “free.”
■ Now just let that word hold the center of your thoughts, gently bring it back
to that word.
■ After a while perhaps your mind will drift to other restful thoughts. If so, just
let it wander. When it does drift to stressful thoughts, move back to your
original word.
SOMETHING FOR USE ANYWHERE
With practice, you will become more adept at relaxing, while awake, anywhere.
As you do, here’s a way to let yourself relax while going about your day. You
can do it while walking, sitting at your desk, working with a program
participant, shopping, and so forth.
■ First, smile. Yes, smile to remind yourself that you don’t actually have all the
cares of the world on your shoulder, only a few of them.
■ Then take a long, deep breath, and let it out.
■ Now take a second long deep breath, and as you let it out, feel yourself
releasing the tensions in your mind and in your body. Just let yourself relax
more and more, as you continue whatever you were doing.
POWER NAP
This is good right after lunch or after a break if people are tired and sleepy.
■ Put on some relaxing music or a recording of ocean waves, birds, or other
nature sounds.
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■ Have people either sit or lie on the floor if comfortable and close their eyes
for 10 minutes. At the end of ten minutes, turn the sound down gradually until
it is silent. Ask participants to open their eyes and be aware of where they are,
feel where they are sitting or lying. Come to awareness of being in this room,
with this group of people.
SIMPLE SELF MASSAGE
Massage helps reduce muscle tension and stiffness in numerous ways,
including increasing blood flow to your muscles. Some research shows that
regular massage may also boost immunity by stimulating the production of
white blood cells. Massage helps you relax and improve your mental energy. It
may also make you more productive at work. Here are a few simple and selfmassage techniques.
■ Hand massage
You can give your hands a massage often—whenever you put on lotion. Start
with the bottoms of your palms by clasping your fingers and rubbing the heels
of your palms together in a circular motion. Then, with your hands still clasped,
take one thumb and massage the area just below your other thumb in circular
motions, moving outward to the center of the palm. Repeat with the other
hand. Then release your fingers and use your thumbs and index fingers to
knead your palms, wrists, and the webbing between your fingers. With one
hand, gently pull each finger of the other hand. Finish by using your thumb and
index finger to pinch the webbing between your other thumb and index finger.
■ Roll on a tennis ball whenever you feel tight.
If your foot feels tense, stand with one hand on a wall for support and place
the arch of one foot on top of the ball. Gradually add more body weight over
the foot, allowing the ball to press into your arch. Begin to slowly move your
foot, allowing the ball to massage your heel, forefoot, and toes.
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You can use a tennis ball to get at that hard-to-reach spot between the
shoulder blades or to soothe tension in your low back. Standing against a wall,
place the ball on the spot that feels tense and lean into it.
■Give yourself a bear hug to relax away shoulder tension
Cross your arms over your chest and grab a shoulder with either hand. Squeeze
each shoulder and release three times. Then move your hands down your arms,
squeezing and releasing until you get to your wrists.
SING A SONG
HAVE HEALTHY SNACKS FOR A BREAK AND BE SURE EVERYONE HAS WATER!
TAKE SOME FRESH AIR—EITHER OPEN WINDOWS OR TAKE AN
OPPORTUNITY TO WALK OUTSIDE.
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