Katie Aufenthie
Phil-3900
Essay Paper #1
16 June 2015
Finding Wealth in Friendships
Humans want to be happy. It is in our nature to chase and create what we
think will make us happy. But do we always succeed? Psychiatrist Abraham Maslow
found that humans need more than just food, water, and physical security to be
happy. Epicurus made a very simple formula for a happy life; live simply, eat with
friends, and practice an analyzed life. While many ancient and modern
philosophers have pondered on what it is that makes us happy, Aristotle writes that
true and virtuous friendships not only make us happy, but also more self aware,
morally noble, and at the end of the day, truly rich.
Humans are social creatures and must foster relationships in order to enjoy
our lives. Relationships enrich our experiences and give us the affirmation that we
are people worth knowing and loving. Healthy friendships also give us colorful
memories to remember and build upon. The writings of ancient authors coincide
with some modern films today that show us that relationships may do more than
just pass the time or make us laugh. Relationships show us who we are and give
sight to the blind spots we may have from looking from the inside. To quote
Leonard in “Memento,” “We all need mirrors to remind ourselves of who we are.”
Leonard, however, did not have these kinds of true and grounding
relationships after the incident. He was unable to create many of these
relationships because he could remember no one. He trusted no one and therefore
had no one to bring him down to reality. Instead, he fell victim to his own emotional
lies and had ground in nothing. I believe his greatest problem was less in memory
and more in lack of friendships created because of the lack of memory. He had no
one to trust but himself. We can never trust only ourselves because we will always
be subjected to our own perspective and bias that taints reality and our own
perception of ourselves.
If we live only in our own mind, it is natural for us to create an ultra-reality
that may be false. We create this world and lies to accompany it to secure
happiness, even if that happiness is false. Relationships give us a world outside of
our own mind. Our friends, if true ones, force us to deal with our surroundings
honestly and give us feedback and offer a hand to help. Friends help us to deal with
ourselves honestly and keep us accountable for our own self-care and actions.
However, not all relationships are pure ones. Some are symbiotic
relationships with mutual benefits to both sides. These relationships are necessary
for work and other environments, but cannot be the only type of relationships we
foster. Relationships built off of favors crumble when the favor can no longer be
given or is no longer needed. Motivations are also not always clear when someone
is pursuing a relationship just for the external benefits. Diana from “The Network”
seemed to only be capable of keeping these kinds of relationships, as she made
herself vulnerable and honest to no one. She talked ceaselessly about work and
became emotionally involved with a married man not for love, but for interest in the
work environment. The relationship dissolved when the fun ended and there was
nothing substantial that Diana had offered to keep the relationship from dying.
Diana spent all of her energy on work and when the end of the day came, she was
left with no one.
Harry from “Burn After Reading” also seemed to only foster relationships
that brought pleasure rather than honesty. Harry was charming and skilled with
women, and he seemed to find fleeting fulfillment in juggling one woman after the
next. But because he was dishonest, no one knew the real Harry and Harry was in
truth left alone. So caught up in his affairs, Harry was oblivious to the fact that his
marriage was failing and his own wife was having an affair. This life of dates and
casual sex turned out to be a life of paranoia and true loneliness. If he had had a
friend by his side, he may not have been allowed to lie to himself for so long. He also
may not have had the need to lie to himself in order to create what he thought
would make him happy.
Virtuous friendships, on the other hand, outweigh the riches that a booming
career could bring. Aristotle was aware of the difference between these two
friendships many years ago. Virtuous friendships happen when people show
themselves to another, with no intention to judge or abuse. When you have a true
friendship, someone else is able to love you for who you are, not what you can do,
and this includes the fallacies of every person.
Andy from “The Devil Wears Prada” was rich in true friendships before she
started working for Miranda. At the beginning of the film, the friends cheer to good
times and jobs that just “pay the rent.” Their jobs were secondary and they made
each other number one. They were happy even though they didn’t have a lot of
money. However, when Andy began to change, her true friendships did too. Her
friends noticed that she was putting them on the back burner and her relationship
with her boyfriend was suffering as well. Her friend of 16 years did not hesitate to
remind Andy of who she was before she let the magazine industry change her. This
is a great service that only true friends can provide; the mirror in which to see
ourselves. Andy was too caught up in her job to see that the things that really
mattered were changing, but her friend was able to point it out to her.
It is also important to note that true friends are forgiving. People change
and falter, but a friendship that has grown over years should be able to withstand
some of that. Andy went back to her boyfriend and friend to apologize, and he was
able to forgive her. He knew that there still remained a true and honest person
under all of the fashionable clothes and because he was able to wait and forgive her,
both were able to regain the relationship in the end.
Friends also help us to live more virtuously. If we are fostering relationships
that include trust, respect, and unconditional love, we in turn become a more
compassionate and morally noble person. We help our friends and ask for nothing
in return. In return, we receive help and more unconditional love. Friends also help
us to remind us of who we are and what is of true importance to us, keeping us
grounded and free from reckless self-deception (Aristotle Nic. Ethics Book VIII).
In conclusion I believe it is true friendship that makes us rich. Aristotle said
this years ago when he questioned us to create a purpose for our prosperity without
friends. When someone is selfish and greedy with their prosperity and wealth, they
lose sight of what is naturally meant to make us happy: each other. Money and
objects will never be able to give back, therefore we do not use the term “love” to
describe the relationship. But people however, can provide a great service to us that
can never be bought (Aristotle Nic. Ethics Book VIII). Through each other we
become stronger, have more help, and know ourselves in a way that can be analyzed
and create a truly happy life.
Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics Book VIII. 350 B. C. E.