Simmonds 1 Victoria Simmonds Eric Ekstrand WRI 111: Writing Through Evil 14 February 2015 Major Paper #2 (First Draft) The film, Paradise Lost, portrays a series of events following the triple murder of three young boys (Christopher Byers, Michael Moore, and Stevie Branch), taking place in Robin Hood Hills in West Memphis, Arkansas. The film also follows (word choice? maybe “films” would be more clear” the case in which three teenage boys – Jessie Misskelley, Damien Echols, and Jason Baldwin – are accused and trialed for the murders of the three young boys. Throughout the film, there is a formation of two sides within the film – the family who is angered by the murders of their sons, and the family who is saddened by the accusations towards their teenage sons This is a very good start to a thesis! I would just suggest taking out “Throughout the film” in the beginning because you say “within the film” a little later.. Despite this, the film makers strengthen their purpose of showing Jessie, Damien and Jason as sympathetic beings, thus leading to the possibility of them being innocent. I really like your thesis statement and the sentence before it. I think it’s a cool way to write this essay. There are many occasions in which the filmmakers create a sense of an emotional appeal throughout the documentary in regards to the teenage boys. For instance, the filmmakers capture a conversation between Jessie’s father and the father’s girlfriend regarding Jessie’s arrest. The father’s girlfriend is likely to write Jessie off completely if he’s found guilty, while Jessie’s father will still look after his son, albeit knowing that he would have to serve his time in prison if he’s found guilty. I like that sentence and how you show the two sides and how they are Simmonds 2 different. The scene then switches to Jessie’s family singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him while he’s in jail, the camera zooming in on the girlfriend, who doesn’t sing along with the rest of the family. This is a really good thought! Maybe try to explain that scene more and what the filmmakers are trying to make their viewers see. What emotion responses does his family singing inflict and why do you think the girlfriend doesnt sing? The scene then switches to Jessie in jail, receiving a ‘Happy Birthday’ card from his family, the camera zooming in on the card. These two events help the film makers emphasize an emotional impact on the audience, showing that Jessie is still just as much a person, as well as a kid, as anyone else great!. The beginning of this sentence is a little confusing. Maybe say “The filmmaker’s portrayal of singing…” singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to sending him a card while in jail supports the film makers’ objective of portraying the teenage boys, especially Jessie, as harmless people and nowhere near being the monsters that others see them as such.Yes! There are a lot of great examples in this paragraph proving your point. I would maybe elaborate on the “scene switches”. Because you mention them a lot in your paper, maybe explain how the filmaker’s switch the scene and the construction of that. Another emotional aspect is also established by the filmmakers, but at a more personal level in terms of the teenage boys’ lives. The film captures the reactions of two teenage girls, who are the girlfriends of Jessie and Damien. Jessie’s girlfriend, is shown talking on the phone with Jessie, then later shown sharing her thoughts on the fact that Jessie wouldn’t be seen as the type to do something so horrid, (maybe inserte “while” the camera switching towards a Bible on a table. This is a very good point! Maybe explain the filming of the Bible- why is this important to show in the middle of her interview? With Damien’s girlfriend, it (Instead of “it” maybe put “the film” just to make your sentence more clear takes a more drastic turn in terms of emotion Simmonds 3 Maybe end this sentence here and start a new on for this next part just because its a little long and has a lot of thoughts in here when she is filmed talking about her first time meeting Damien and how they cliqued together, thus leading them to getting married and having a child. The scene continues this is a good idea, but maybe would sound better if you said “exemplifying her distress over…” over the fact that Damien can’t touch the baby due to him being deemed as a potential threat to her and their child’s lives. The scene then switches to Damien’s feelings over having his first child, the camera showing his complete awe over it. The fact that the film makers choose this Good idea, i would just make “this” more clear and switch it from being a pronoun. I dont know if the readers will know exactly what “this” means. strengthens their way of portraying the three boys, especially Damien and Jessie, as empathic human beings and not monsters. The film makers capturing this scene also emphasizes the possibility that the three teenagers didn’t commit the triple murder, as the audience is likely to sympathize with them. In this paragraph you do a good job summarizing how interviewing the girl friends have a positive portrayal towards the boys and how it shows that they are normal boys. The film also takes a logical route once progressing through the trial. In the court room, the camera men capture the people on the stand describing cult culture: the whole attire is black (nails, hair, clothes), tattoos are explicitly showing, the full moon is an important symbol, and blood is either consumed or bathed with (the younger, the better). The people in court then correlate this to Damien’s life, as he wears black on a daily basis. Damien is also described to be a loner in his high school, not taking an interest in any extracurricular activities. The film also Maybe say “Moreover, the film…” just because you used also in the last sentence talks about Damien talking about listening to metal music, as well. These are good points but remember it’s not about what they say but about what the editors do. The scene then switches to various members of Damien’s family Simmonds 4 talking about him wearing the color black as his regular wardrobe. Damien’s father, for instance, discusses the fact that he also wears black on occasion, not to worship the devil. The film makers thus establish a logical appeal to this response, debunking the idea of Damien possibly being in a cult, or even a leader of one. This also leads to the fact that, with Damien being a pariah within high school (from his wardrobe to his taste in music), the film builds up another possibility that the boys are accused of the triple murder because of sticking out maybe saying “they look different from…” would sound a little better from everyone else. Therefore, the film makers strengthen their logical appeal on the fact that how someone looks on the outside doesn’t always correlate with their interests, hence the idea of wearing black equaling to Satanism. This is a really good concluding sentence. Great concluding sentence! The film establishes another idea of a logical aspect of its cause, albeit mixing it with a tinge of an emotional appeal. The film makers capture the set-up of the jury, which consisted of numerous parents who have lost loved ones, children especially. Maybe give a little introduction to this scene- when in the movie does this occur and under what circumstances? The camera zooms in on one woman who is on the verge of tears when bringing up the murder of her daughter. The scene then continues with one of the men angrily talking about the teenage boys and their alleged crime. Based on how the man sounds Maybe instead of “Based on how the man sounds”, say “with this construction/technique, the filmmakers…” This would show that it’s the filmmaker’s intention to show this., the filmmakers portend that the jury is likely to have a onesided solution to the case. The film makers thus establish not only another logical appeal to their purpose, but they also create a sense of battle against the emotional appeal that is formed. With the jury having a plethora of people who lost loved ones from murder, the film makers show that it is likely that their decision to the teenage boys’ fate will be biased. With this possibility of a Simmonds 5 biased decision, the emotion coming from the jury will go against the logical idea of figuring out what to decide for the teenage boys. With this concept created by the film makers, it will make the audience think about the possibility that the boys are innocent from their accusations. This is a very good point only I don’t know if the editors and filmmakers had anything to do with the emotions of the jury. With the use of an emotional appeal and logical appeal, the film makers strongly establish an idea of portraying the three teenage boys – Jessie, Damien, and Jason – as sympathetic people, thus leading to their possible innocence. Great Concluding Sentence! Maybe just add a little more to this to make it a short paragraph. I agree with Katya Simmonds 6 Work Cited Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills. Dir. Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky. 1996. Home Box Office (HBO).