It is hard for me to write this sentence. It is hard for me to put on paper the thoughts streaming like a whirlpool in my head. My parents say that I am selfish because I am always interrupting people at the dinner table. My teachers give me looks when I suddenly burst out an opinion in class. It is as if my mind has some filters but not the filters that tell me to SHUT UP
SOMETIMES. So when I sit down and try to put my ideas, questions, and concerns onto paper,
I. Freeze. Up. Or I just start talking and writing down everything that comes to mind like I have diarrhea of the mouth speaking of my mouth the cookies my mom is making smell delicious right now but I can’t eat those since I have college in a couple months and I want to be skinny for college but in college I will also need to know how to write and what if my writing isn’t.
Good. Enough?
In English this year we are exploring the question of “what is good writing?” However, I have been asking myself that question since freshman year. My true interest in writing developed when reading The Odyssey in ninth grade. How could one writer, well supposedly one writer, craft words in such a way that people were reading it for thousands of years. *delete, delete, reword* Spectacular is what that writer must have been to have people be reading his books of thousands of years *mash fingers onto keyboard, delete, delete, delete, reword* I can’t fathom how one man could write such powerful sentences. How these sentences can make up a plot so rich that students today study it like the Bible. *alright, good* I remember sitting at my desk looking at each word in The Odyssey.
Taking the time to know the meaning of Every. Single.
Word. But then I would forget that the string of words meant something when put together. So then I would read the sentence. I would study the sentence and its meaning. But then I had to read it again to understand the sentence in relation to the rest of the entire book. It took me an hour just to read 10 pages but I wanted to understand the power in the words, sentences and

overall book. Yet, no matter how hard I tried to understand the “big ideas” I struggled to even understand the plot. And with this my determination and curiosity of writing was born.
I soon began to notice all the different readers, writers and words around me. I remember looking at a poster in my room that read “dream” and wondering why dream meant dream and how the combination of d.r.e.a.m made up that word. And why does dream sound like dream?
And does the sound of words make them fuller, richer, more meaningful?
Studying Latin in high school has helped me understand the reason of why English words are the way in which they are presented. *delete, reword* Studying Latin has shown me where
English words come from *nope, delete, reword* The study of Latin has shown me the descendent of English words. *okay, good* Translating Latin has shown me how writing can be a mathematical and artistic practice. Crafting a sentence in Latin is like the Order of Operations in math; you can’t solve equations left to right, and you cannot translate Latin from left to right.
You have to go left, right, up, down, delete, rewrite until the sentence is clear. The forms of the words are the key to painting the sentence. Like those coloring books with a key to what color needs to be filled in where. This mind exercise of “painting a mathematical equation” releases endorphins that get me fired up. I swear, I sometimes sweat when translating.
Going into sophomore year with the curiosity of the power of words due to my English and Latin classes ended up disappointing me. We read “classics” such as
Pride and Prejudice and 1984
. But the discussions we had about the books didn’t enthuse me. We would take quizzes and tests solely based on the content of the book. But in ten years, why would it matter if I remembered the plot? I wanted to remember how that book helped me understand the English language. I wanted to remember how that book made me feel. I wanted to know how the author made me feel .

Once I got to junior year English, it became clear that sophomore year English was focused on plot. In contrast, junior year we picked apart books, studying literary devices. All of our essays were about what the authors did, and why it changed the book, or made the book what it is today. At first, I couldn’t understand why it mattered that Frederick Douglas used personification of sailboats in the harbour to reflect this entire life. And why did we have to spend an entire week discussing color in the Great Gatsby. Please tell me WHY THIS
MATTERS. I would sit at my desk, contributing to the class, but in the back of my mind was still the question, “is this good writing?” Did Frederick Douglas really mean to have the sailboats be a metaphor portraying his life? Did Fitzgerald really know that he was using such powerful color?
The summer after junior year, I tried to writing for pleasure for the first time. I figured that after a year of studying literary devices I could easily be the next Fitzgerald. Ehhhhhh.
(buzzard sound) Wrong . There I was, sitting on the beach with a notebook in hand, totally trying to pull off the “artsy, thoughtful soul look” yet looking like an insane prepster with my Lilly
Pulitzer bathing suit and clicking brain. As I sat, trying to make my writing good, I saw the big picture: The reason we studied literary devices and plot separately is because they are two separate things. Yet, they always work together. We had to learn one in order to understand the other. Such as Ying and Yang. Literary devices are the forms of the words in Latin and the plot is the sentence.
My next step in my literary journey is figuring out how I can use my high school knowledge to bring the literary device and the plot together in my own writing. This is the art and science of writing. The art is the final product that is created by the scientific equations and formulas. I yearn to combine the scientific and artistic sides of my brain to become one complete

writer. All I want is to be a good writer . To hold the paintbrush and create pieces of art. To make x + y =b. To let “puella aquam portat” not mean “girl water carry” but “ the girl carries water.” I want
it because I need to get these thoughts out of my head. And I want to move others with my thoughts. I am not there yet. So my next questions in my literary journey are: “how can
I become a writer
?” and “how can
I become a good one?”