Class Contest—Sentence Combining
Directions: Read the following exercises that we did on sentence combining this past
Monday. Then, vote for the “best” student combination of each of the three sets of
sentences. (“Best” means that sentences are combined in a way that is grammatically
correct, appealing to the ear, and reflective of the passage’s meaning.) Place the letter
of your selection in the blank at the end of the student passages.
I. Alexie, simple sentence version:
I learned to read with a Superman comic book.
Simple enough, I suppose.
I cannot recall which Superman comic book I read.
I cannot recall which villain he fought in that issue.
I cannot remember the plot.
I cannot remember the means by which I obtained the comic book.
What I can remember is this.
I was 3 years old.
I was a Spokane Indian boy.
I was living with my family on the Spokane Indian Reservation in eastern Washington
state.
We were poor by most standards.
One of my parents usually managed to find some minimum-wage job or another.
This made us middle-class by reservation standards.
I had a brother and three sisters.
We lived on a combination of things.
We lived on irregular paychecks.
We lived on hope.
We lived on fear.
We lived on government surplus food.
Student Version A:
I learned to read with a Superman comic book. Simple enough, I suppose. I cannot
recall which Superman comic book I read, or which villain he fought in that issue. I
cannot remember the plot, or the means by which I obtained the comic book. What I can
remember is I was a 3-year-old Spokane Indian boy. My family and I were living on
Spokane Indian Reservation in eastern in Washington State. One of my parents usually
managed to find some minimum-wage job or another, and this made us middle class
family. I had a brother and three sisters, and we lived on a combination of things such as
irregular paychecks, hope, fear, and on government surplus food.
Student Version B:
I learned to read with a Superman comic book. Simple enough, I suppose. I cannot
recall which Superman comic book I read, nor I cannot which villain he fought in the
issue. I cannot remember the means by which I obtained the comic book because I
cannot remember the means which I obtained the comic book. What I can remember is
this. I was 3 years old, a Spokane Indian boy, and I was living with my family on the
Spokane Indian Reservation in Eastern Washington State. We were poor by most
standards. One of my parents usually managed to find some minimum-wage job or
another. As a result, this us middle-class by reservation standards. I had a brother and
three sisters. We lived on a combinations of things. We lived on irregular paychecks,
lived in fear, lived in hope, and lived on government surplus food.
Student Version C:
When I was younger I first learned to read with a superman comic book. Simple enough,
I suppose. I don’t recall which Superman comic book I read, what villain he fought or
even the plot. I can’t even remember how I obtained the comic book. What I can
remember is when I was 3 years old I was a Spokane Indian boy who was living with his
family on a reservation in the eastern Washington state. We were poor by most
standards. One of my parents usually managed to find some minimum-wage job, which
put us in middle-class by reservation standards. I had a brother and three sisters and
together we lived on a combination of things; irregular, paychecks, hope, fear, and
government surplus food.
Student Version D:
I learned to read with a Superman comic book. Simple enough I suppose. I cannot recall
which Superman comic book I read, or the villain he fought in that issue. I cannot
remember the plot or the means by which I obtained the comic book itself. What I can
remember is that I was three years old and a Spokane Indian boy. I was living with my
family on the Spokane Indian Reservation in eastern Washington State. We were poor
by most standards, but one of my parents usually managed to find some minimum wage
job, which made us middle class by reservation standards. I had a brother and three
sisters, living on a combination of irregular paychecks, hope, fear, and government
surplus food.
Vote _______________
*****
II. Barry, simple sentence version:
I was 7 years old.
It was the first time I snuck out of the house.
It was dark.
It was winter.
My parents had been fighting all night.
They were short on money.
They were long on relatives.
These relatives kept temporarily moving into our house.
They had nowhere else to go.
Version A:
The first time I snuck out of my house was when I was 7 years old. It was a dark winter
night, and my parents had been fighting all night. They were short on money and long on
relatives who kept temporarily moving into our house because they had nowhere else to
go.
Version B:
I was 7 years old the first time I snuck out of the house. It was dark winter night. My
parents were fighting all night because they were short on money. They were long on
relative’s .These relatives kept temporarily moving into our house because they had
nowhere else to go.
Version C:
I was only 7 years old the first time I snuck out of the house. It was a dark winter night
and my parents had been fighting. They were short on money and long on relatives.
These relatives kept temporarily moving into our house, because they had nowhere else
to go.
Version D:
The first time I snuck out of the house I was seven. It was on a dark wintery night. My
parents had been fighting all night long because we were short on money and were long
on relatives. These relatives kept temporarily moving into our house because they had
nowhere else to go.
Vote __________________
*****
III. Lopez, simple sentence version:
He was trying to say something.
His face was blurred by my angry tears.
I couldn’t hear him.
I was now backing out of the store.
I was now stumbling out of the store.
My temples were throbbing.
They were throbbing with the most awful humiliation I had ever felt.
My throat was dry and sour.
I kept running and running down Larimer Street.
I then ran north on 30th Street toward Curtis Park.
I finally flung myself on the recently watered lawn.
I wept myself into a state of complete exhaustion.
Version A:
My father was trying to say something, when his face turned blurry by my angry tears. I
couldn’t hear him; I was now backing out of the store, stumbling out of the store. My
temples were throbbing; they were throbbing with the most awful humiliation I had ever
felt. My throat was dry and sour as I kept running down Larimer Street. I then ran north
on 30th street toward Curtis Park, and finally flung myself on the recently watered lawn. I
wept myself into a state of complete exhaustion.
Version B:
He trying to say something, but his face was blurred by many angry tears. I couldn’t hear
him. I was backing and stumbling out of the store. My temples were throbbing with the
most awful humiliation I had ever felt. My throat was dry and sour. I kept running and
running down Larimer Street and then I ran north on 30th Street towards Curtis Park. I
finally flung myself on a recently watered lawn. I wept into state of complete exhaustion.
Version C:
He was trying to say something, my angry tears blurred his face and I couldn’t hear him.
I was back out of the store when I stumbled. My temples were throbbing with the most
awful humiliation I had ever felt. My throat was dry and sour. I kept running and running
down Larmer street and then ran north on 30th street toward Curtis park. I finally flung
myself on a recently watered lawn and wept myself into a state of complete exhaustion.
Version D:
He was trying to say something, but my angry tears blurred his face. I couldn’t hear him
because I was backing and stumbling out of the store. My temples were now throbbing
with the most awful humiliation I had ever felt. My throat was dry and sour as I was
running down Larimer Street. And then ran down 30th street toward Curtis Park, were I
flung myself on a recently watered lawn. I had wept myself into a state of complete
exhaustion.
Vote _____________________