NO COUNTRY TO CALL THEIR OWN PETER CLEARY “So this over concentration (of the Coloured people) in the Western Cape is not working for them. They should spread to the rest of the country.” Jimmy Manyi in an interview on KykNet in 2010. At the time he was Director-General of the Department of Labour and President of the Black Business Forum. “I now know who Nelson Mandela was talking about when he said from the dock that he had fought against white domination and he had fought against Black domination. Jimmy, he was talking about fighting against people like you.” Trevor Manuel in an open letter to the Press in 2011. At the time he was a Cabinet Minister in the Presidency. PROLOGUE There had been happier times, before the road came snaking down into the valley, inexorably boring into the fabric of their lives as they were exposed to the prejudice of the outside world. They had been innocent of any unhealthy distinction of race and class until the persecutors arrived with the assistance of a gravel road. He remembered the happy days with a poignancy that lingered. Sometimes it was only those memories that sustained his will to go on, gave him a base to return to when he thought the world was crazy; crazy and so unfair he could rip his heart out. Here he was, halfway through his allotted three score and ten years, hundreds of kilometres from the valley of his youth, sitting on a hard chair on the narrow verandah of a small house that squatted on a tract of flat sand between the majesty of far distant mountains. How had this come to pass? He knew the answer and this preoccupation of the past, this bitterness that soured his stomach and his relationships, was not something he welcomed or even honoured too much nowadays. He couldn’t afford it. He had a mission now, was caught up in a movement to rectify the mistakes of the past, to restore the pride and the wealth of all the people. And he had his children to consider, his two girls and his boy. They had been born into this aberrant world, but he truly believed they would see the other side of racial domination, perhaps within a decade, and he wanted to prepare them, make them ready for the day when they could take their place in society as equals. They must not harbour his bitterness, not see the shame he felt on being discarded so many years ago in the ironically pretty town of Prince Albert. Man, this bitterness was acid. Why couldn’t he discard it? Think of something else? Think of that first meeting in the Rocklands Community Centre. What energy. There were some wonderful people there, people of all races, leaders, visionaries, men and women who could inspire with the hope of a better life. A tremor of fear came and went. Yes, he had to fight the fear. The State would use all its many and cruel means to put the movement down. They had to keep it inclusive, fight on, remain determined and yes, even cheerful, optimistic for the change, for the final goal of a nation without fear and prejudice, a nation for all her peoples, the descendants of all the diverse cultures that came to this place they called South Africa. Thought of the name of his country brought the words and rhythm of the national anthem to mind, the words he used to sing in the school hall in Oudtshoorn at assembly, the words they believed until they realised those words and their promise truly referred to only one race. It was their blue sky and deep sea, not his; he was denied his birth right to God-created nature. He remembered going to Newlands to watch the All Blacks play the Springboks. He’d sat with others also given his epithet, his label, by the State; hundreds of them, men who loved their rugby but jeered at the anthem and cheered the team from across the Indian Ocean, the enemy under normal times, in a normal society. Afterwards the boere taunted them, their eyes burning with the fire of zealous fervour, calling them traitors to their country and they shouted back, “Whose country? Not ours, yours, yours while you treat us like pigs, we who were here before you.” He had shouted back with the best of them, but it was shameful really. He, who had been an aspirant Springbok all those years ago in his innocent times, was cheering for a foreign country to beat his revered Springboks. It was undignified mass hatred fuelled by the beer and the wine, something he as a former teacher of children should not have allowed himself to be drawn into. He was supposed to be amongst those who set the example. What if his son had seen him, bellowing red-faced at those who ridiculed them, the representatives of the hated regime? What an upside-down country. THE VALLEY As we approached the huts, a shaggy giant in goatskins appeared and spoke to us in some outlandish Dutch. He was a White man named Cordier, who lived here with his wife and a brood of half-wild children, in complete isolation from the outside world. Deneys Reitz. “Commando.” 1. At the western end of Gamkaskloof, just before the river, stands a cottage that has been in the family for over a century, since Benji Baartman bought it from the Erasmus family in 1850. It has been much added to, first by Benji, who had a carpenter’s skill, and then by his son Dan. Isaac, the son of Dan, had lived there at first when he came to the valley, some said to escape his demons. When his son Walter was married, he had been given the house. Isaac had built himself a new home in the truncated valley across the river, where he lived a reclusive life, happy that the periodic flooding of the river denied access to people who might intrude on his solitude. It was in Walter’s cottage that a son was born the week before Christmas in 1947. They named him Falk, because there was a falcon hunting rock pigeons above the home on that day, his prehistoric screech a backdrop to the cries of the mother and the first bawl of the son. He was their first child and was sadly to prove to be their only child, for his mother Stephanie conceived with difficulty and lost three babies in the first three months after conception and then never fell pregnant again. Walter was an angry man given to melancholy. The inability to produce more children was just another reason to immerse himself in self-pity, but the primary cause of his fractious and intemperate nature was due to the circumstances of his birth and upbringing. And for that he blamed his father. Isaac Baartman had tried hard to meet the expectations of his parents. They were wonderful people, his parents, father Dan the businessman and guerrilla fighter, mother Josie so strong and loving. The years in the gentle arms of the mountains that surrounded their farm Rooikrantz should have healed his fear of life. He was twenty-two when he told them he was going to live in the family cottage in Gamkaskloof. They were devastated, had not read the extent of the damage wrought by the war, and also wondered if it was not the conflagration starting in Europe that scared him. They could do nothing to dissuade him. The first four years in the valley, before the troubles descended on him, were the happiest of his adult life. He raised goats and came to grudgingly admire the animals for their independence. They demanded nothing of him. He did not enter the social life of the valley, except for his observance of the Sabbath when he attended the church service, held at the school. He normally escaped straight after the service, but he also had a young man’s healthy appetite for female company and occasionally he lingered. There was a young woman who piqued his interest for she was known to be of loose morals and he fantasised about the meaning of that judgment. Her name was Faith, an unsuitable name it seemed, and also not appropriate to her physical being, for she had a look in her eye and a lascivious smile which awakened the devil in Isaac. He would never have done anything about it for he was far too insecure to make overtures, but that didn’t stop her making the first move. The Baartman family was famous in the valley; Benji was a hero who stopped the taxman coming into the valley, Dan was the most famous man to have left the valley for he became a Member of the Cape Parliament and was said to have accumulated vast wealth on the Kimberley diamond fields. And, to add to the allure, the Baartman men were all fine looking, with good physiques and the bluest of eyes. Isaac was no different, although in him his retiring nature disguised some of his physical attributes. On a hot, midsummer day he was bathing in the Gamka River when she appeared on the bank. He was swimming nude, not out of a sense of adventure but because no-one ever came to that stretch of the river. He had not seen her until she called cheerfully, “Hallo, Isaac Baartman. So this is where ye hide.” He was mortified at his nakedness, hidden though it was in the deep water, and astounded that she would have come walking all the way from her home, a distance of more than a mile. “What are you doing here?” “I’ve come to see ye. Are you not pleased?” “Please go away, Faith.” “Ah, I see. Have ye no clothes on, Isaac?” “Please, Faith, I beg you, please go away.” “That’s not polite. I’ve come all this way to see ye. Do you not like me?” “It’s not that, Faith, I’m embarrassed.” “If that’s the case, ye should be embarrassed for a proper reason.” Faith Willemse affected the dress of the younger women in the valley who had taken to wearing long skirts and blouses rather than the pinafore type shift dresses, long and shapeless, worn by the matrons. She began unbuttoning her blouse. “What are you doing?” “I’m undressing for ye. If ye be naked than it’s fitting that I be too.” He protested no more and could not look away as she revealed herself, although his training told him it was not polite for him to stare at the naked body of a woman. When she was completely undressed she stood face on to him and raised her arms. “Do ye like what ye see, Isaac Baartman?” She had a wonderful figure, slim of waist and limb, and he took it all in, but mostly he was aroused by the sight of her abundant dark pubic hair against the alabaster whiteness of her skin. He said nothing, was incapable of speech. It had become her show. “Well come out now. I can’t follow ye, for I can’t swim.” Was she really inviting him out of the water? That could only mean she wanted to make love to him. That thought made him weak but also, paradoxically, emboldened him and he left the water despite his acute embarrassment at the physical manifestation of his desires. After that day she came many times, not turned off by his first clumsy efforts at lovemaking, and at first he was pleased and did not reject her, for he had never known a woman intimately before her. But in time her shallowness of knowledge and self-centred interest overcame his lust, and he began to wish he could find a way to break the union. It was too late. He found she was pregnant when a delegation of the Willemse’s visited him: father, three brothers, and Faith, keeping in the background. The father did all the talking. “Ye’ve impregnated my daughter, Isaac Baartman.” He was mortified and looked to her for a word or a sign but she gave him back nothing. His response was weak. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” “Sorry is not good enough. Action is what I want. What will ye do?” “I’ll pay my way. I’ll pay for the child to be raised.” “Pay be damned. It’s not paying that a child wants in this world, it’s a father and a proper home.” He knew he should be cautious. They might beat him, but that would not cause him to make a commitment and he feared not the wrath of those men. It was the moral dilemma that occupied his thoughts as he stood there silently before them. A child of his own. That was something he’d never believed could be possible. He had steeled himself to living alone for the rest of his days, but now he was to father another person in his likeness. The thought was alluring and, in the end, irresistible. The father blustered. “Come on then, speak up.” He was still working it out and finally came to a conclusion and when he spoke it was in strength. “I’ll marry your daughter on one condition, Meneer Willemse. If she ever leaves me, the child stays with me. She must sign a paper to that effect.” Whether it was those conditions, so impossible for a mother to accept unless she did not care, or whether she grew bored of her life with a reclusive man, Faith stayed only two years after the boy was born before she left Gamkaskloof with a man from the valley and never returned. It was a blessing for him, but not for their son Walter. 2. Despite the stern nature of his father, young Falk Baartman was a happy child, and for that credit had to be given to the character and love of his mother. Stephanie nee Cordier was of pioneer stock. Her family were one of the first to come to the valley in the early nineteenth century. Some might call the Cordier family backward in not embracing modern ideas, such few that trickled into the valley, but none would deny that they were hard workers and Stephanie, like all the sons and daughters, was put to work in the fields even before she went to school. She was a pleasant looking woman, with regular features, but she was not pretty in the accepted sense, and her broad shoulders and calloused hands spoke of the work she had done from childhood. Nevertheless, in all other qualities admired in a woman she was a gem: selfless, loving, loyal and kind. The finest act of Walters’s short life was to recognise those qualities and win her for his wife. And, for seeing beyond her mere physical qualities, Stephanie adored her husband and would not hear a bad word against him. Because of the loving attention of his mother, Falk was not badly affected by his father’s increased desire for isolation and his periodic anxiety attacks. Walter was becoming like his father before him, and did not leave the valley once in the years after the birth of his son. In earlier years, Walter had left the valley with some frequency, often precipitated by an argument with his father. On those occasions he went to Rooikrantz, the farm owned by his grandparents. The first time he did so, he was only eleven years of age and it was testament to his physical prowess and horsemanship that he’d gone alone, taking the route through the gorges northwards along the Gamka River and then eastwards to the farm. It was a full day’s travel when the river was not in spate. That first time this happened, Isaac came to fetch him, embarrassed and angry at the obvious rejection of his son. When it happened again, Isaac waited for the son to make the decision to return, impotent to make his son love him, and unable to embrace the world for the benefit of the boy. Walter stayed away for months at a time. Isaacs’s parents, Dan and Josie, were distraught at the lack of connection between their son and grandson and did their best to mend the rift. But they were not the worst affected by the breach between father and son; it was Isaac’s sister Tess, only two years older than him, who watched and cried within. Tess and Isaac had experienced the war together. They’d been only seven and nine respectively when they’d witnessed the murder of their brother Robert on the banks of the Orange River, and had then experienced the horror of the British camps in Bloemfontein and Springfontein. Like her brother, and despite their parent’s efforts to reduce the damage to their psyches, Tess had also struggled to come to grips with normal life after the war. Tess had waited until Walter was in his teens before broaching the subject of the war as the reason for Isaac’s behaviour. She suggested they take a walk through the fig orchards to get them out of the house and the hearing of her parents. “Has your Dad told you about the war between the Boers and the British, Walter?” “No, Aunt Tess.” “That’s a pity, for it would help you understand him better. Would you like to hear about your father’s and my experiences during the war?” “I’m not sure.” “I think it might help you.” “Okay, you can tell me.” “When the war started, your grandmother, your dad, our brother Robert and I went to our farm on the Orange River near Kimberley. Your grandfather went to fight in the war on the side of the Boers. “Do you know about your Uncle Robert?” “No, Aunty.” Tess was saddened that her brother had not even told his boy the basic family history. “Robert was a wonderful boy. He was clever and strong and my, could he shoot. He was the oldest of us and when the war started he was eleven, three years older than me and five older than your dad.” “Why hasn’t my dad told me about him, Aunty?” “I don’t know, Walter. But maybe it’s because of what I’m about to tell you. You see, Robert was killed that first year of the war. Some British soldiers came to the farm and Robert thought he had to defend his family, even though he was so young. They shot him. We all saw him dead, because we ran to where he was lying on the ground. “It was the worst moment of my life and I think it was even worse for your dad because a son always thinks he should defend his family. I think your dad was ashamed that he hadn’t helped Robert, even though he was only seven at the time.” Tess could see the boy’s interest in the story. That, at least, was a good beginning. “Your Dad never told you about the camps either, did he?” “No. What were the camps?” “The British put the Boer women and children and some old men into concentration camps. They took them off the farms because they didn’t want them to help their men fight the war.” “What’s a concentration camp?” “It was a camp of tents, Walter. Hundreds of tents put together to imprison us. They had soldiers guarding us and they kept us there even though we wanted to go home. It was horrible in those camps. The food was awful, often rotten, and everything was dirty. Sometimes there wasn’t enough food or water, and we went without for days. We couldn’t wash properly and many got sick and many of us died, especially the children.” “That’s awful, Aunt Tess. How long were you in those places?” “About two years.” “Did any of your friends die there?” “Yes, many. It got so that we didn’t want to make friends, for they could die and that would make us even sadder. The one who affected us most was your Aunt Mary’s mother. I’m not sure if you know this, Walter, but Mary was adopted by your grandfather and mother after the war, for she’d lost her mother in the camps and her father in the war.” Tess waited for the questions. “I know why you’re telling me this, Aunt Tess. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t help me much. Why didn’t my father tell me? He doesn’t care enough to tell me these things.” “Do you think that’s why he didn’t tell you?” “Yes, I do.” “I know for a fact, Walter, that he can’t tell anyone about those days. The only way he can deal with those memories is to pretend it didn’t happen. Can you understand him doing that?” “No, I can’t. How can anyone do that?” “I’ve studied these things, Walter, because I was a little like your dad. If things are really terrible, sometimes your brain just switches them off. Your brain won’t let you see those things because they bring you such pain, and you can’t do anything about it, really.” Walter thought about what had been said and his aunt could see he was taking her words seriously, but then a look of stubbornness came over him. “Why did he chase my mother away?” She was horrified at that interpretation. Tess had met Faith and had seen her shallowness and knew her lack of love for husband or son. “Do you think your Dad chased her away?” “Yes, my Grandpappy Willemse told me.” “Oh Walter, I’m sorry he told you that. It’s just not true. Your dad would never have chased her away.” “Then why did she leave me?” That was impossible to answer without killing the love of son for mother. “I don’t know Walter. But I promise you, your Dad did not chase her away.” It was an unsatisfactory end to the discussion between aunt and nephew. She knew Walter would reflect on what he had learned, but because of the lack of tears, the lack of any strong emotional reaction, she wondered if his attitude towards his father would change. Unfortunately her fears were correct. Walter never reconciled with his father. Even Falk, shielded as he was by his mother, and with the distraction of his first year at school, realised something significant had changed for his father. He heard his parents talking in the early hours of the morning, his father’s tone anxious, his mother’s reassuring. Falk could not make out the words. It was only when he was an adult that his mother revealed the subject of those late night vigils. Walter had become obsessed with the dangers of the new laws the government was introducing to classify and separate the races. The new laws had been in place for years, but news travelled into the valley very slowly. Besides, as a largely White populace, the people of the valley did not believe themselves unduly affected by what was going on beyond the mountains that protected them. But Walter did not have that conviction of exclusion. He knew his ancestry began with the union of a Dutch settler and a Khoikhoi woman. His fears were numerous: ostracism, rejection by his wife, loss of home, his son’s reaction. He held them inside himself for a full half year before he finally steeled himself to discuss them with Stephanie. He waited until the dark of one night, when she’d returned from a visit to the outside toilet and had blown the candle light out. He did not want her to see his expression as he introduced the feared subject. “Wife.” “You’re awake, Walter. What’s troubling you?” “Can we talk?” “Why yes, of course. If you feel it can’t wait for the morning.” “You know these new laws that the government has made?” “Which ones are those?” “These new laws that tell you what kind of person you are; White or Black or Coloured or Asian.” “I know a bit about them. Why?” “I’m a Coloured, Stephanie.” “You’re not a Coloured, Walter. Look at you; you’re whiter than me. What Coloured person has blue eyes?” “It doesn’t matter what you look like, Stephanie. What matters is if your family has Coloured blood.” “I know about your background, Walter, that you are descended from a Khoikhoi woman. You told me about it. But it means nothing to me and others will feel the same. You’re worrying needlessly, my husband. What does your birth certificate say?” “It says I’m White.” “There you go. Stop worrying.” But he couldn’t, and he returned to the subject again and again. Eventually he asked one of the transport riders who brought provisions into the valley to get him a transcript of the laws from the library in Calitzdorp. He was not a great reader - they had only a bible in the house - but he read this new bible, the bible of the architects of a new social order, studying every clause. He woke her on another night. “Stephanie.” Her patience was at an end, but she suppressed the desire to censure him. “Yes, Walter, I’m awake now.” “One of these laws is called the Population Registration Act. You know what it says about Coloureds?” “No, I don’t know.” “It tells you all about the Blacks, how they came to the country from the north, the indigenous people, it says. All of that. And it tells you all about the Whites, how they came from across the seas, Europeans it calls them. But they didn’t know what to say about people of mixed blood. They say this, Stephanie, I memorised the words. They say a Coloured is neither a Black nor a White. They’re saying we who are a mixture of White and Black take nothing from the identity of those who gave us birth. Nothing Stephanie. We have no place; neither a Black nor a White. Me and our son.” Her heart went out to him, for she had seldom heard him so disconsolate. Nor had she considered the devastating effect of relegating people to generalisations until she saw it through his eyes. She put her arms around him to console him and he started to cry. Walter Baartman took his life not long after that emotionally draining night. He went to the gravesite of his ancestor Benji, high on the plateau to the south of the valley. He knew of the place, for his grandfather Dan had taken him there and had shown him the remains of a cross that he had made for his father, Benji. Walter sat on the weathered pile of stones that marked the grave, placed the barrel of the revolver in his mouth and pulled the trigger, ending the unendurable fears he harboured deep in his being. When Walter did not return that night, nor the next day, Stephanie knew he had taken his life and she knew where to find his body. He would be with Benji, the hero Walter had always wanted to be, a bold man of action who had sacrificed his life for his community. Before she even had the certainty of seeing his body, she started mourning his passing, the man who had believed in her more than he’d believed in himself. In her he had found the one person he could trust, and that belief had made her a giant; a plain looking woman with broad shoulders and calloused hands who had the conviction of her rightful place in the body of man. She determined to give her son that same pride of self. Not a superior pride that bested others, but a belief that all men and women had the dignity bestowed on them by God. Had not Jesus in the Beatitudes described those qualities and that birthright? Her son Falk would be raised with self-pride and respect for others irrespective of race or economic standing. 3. The Gamkaskloof School was a community paid school which provided tuition up to the level of standard 7, a level regarded by most of the klowers as quite adequate for the education of a child. The school was not affiliated to any church group, nor did it receive funding or control from the State. Facilities, teaching aids and textbooks were scarce or non-existent. Nevertheless, there was a pride in standards from teachers and parents. There were three teachers. Two were women who were the class teachers, splitting the children who attended the school along age lines, under tens and over tens, and a male teacher who was a subject teacher, honing the language skills of the pupils. The language of tuition was Afrikaans, the predominant language of the valley, but this third teacher, Trevor Weiss, a young man direct from the teachers’ training college, was to specialise in English tuition. Some of the more liberal elders had recognised the importance of that language in the economic life outside the valley. Weiss had come to Gamkaskloof more because his interest had been piqued by tales of the strange settlement tucked away in the Swartberg Mountains, than because of the teaching experience he might gain, and certainly not for the salary. When Falk went to the school he was taken into the class of Mevrou Ferreira, a middle-aged woman of the valley. This was the bigger of the two classes with just under twenty pupils. Four others started with Falk that year of 1954, the year he would turn seven years of age. It was a very special day, that first day. The school was in the middle of the valley, almost two miles from where Falk lived. His mother walked him there the first day, along the shaded dirt road that crossed and recrossed the stream that ran down the valley into the Gamka River. Along the way, they passed klowers houses, and through the trees they could make out planted fields with the people already working them, and could see the numerous weirs that held back the waters of the stream. It was the first school day of the new year: late January, hot days which meant early starts, seven to one in the first term, with a break at ten. The early start meant Stephanie was preparing breakfast for her two men at five-thirty. It was a chore she relished. That day, the sun was peeping over the eastern ramparts, sending shafts of golden light into the kitchen. The frying of eggs and vegetables titillated the senses of smell and hearing and, in the background were the sleepy first greetings of father and son. After breakfast, Falk skipped down the road ahead of her and returned often, egging her on, much like an excited dog on a hunt. He had been anticipating this day for months, pestering her for advanced lessons. The bible was too much for him, the writing small, and the pages full. He’d found other printed matter in the house, information on foodstuffs and toiletries, and had made her read them to him so that he could memorise them. They had no writing materials so she’d taught him the alphabet by writing the characters in the fine dust in front of their cottage. He knew and could recognise every letter in normal and capital form. Falk was also constantly counting things: the number of sheep in a field; the steps taken to walk down to their swimming hole in the river. Stephanie was beginning to think she and Walter had conceived a genius, but would never tell anyone, her natural conservatism incapable of expressing such an extravagant opinion. But she happily thought these things to herself. There was a little ceremony at the school to welcome the new intake. The older children lined up on the uncovered veranda of the simple three room building. They had come early, for it was a tradition. The teacher of the senior class, Mevrou De Villiers, read the names of the new pupils while they themselves stood below with their mothers. Each child was cheered, perhaps Falk more than the others as he was the son of a hero family, the third Baartman son to attend the school. For the first week, while the youngest were being orientated into school life and routines, Este Ferreira taught just the four newest recruits and the five from the class of ’53, using the slightly older children in a mentoring role. Her even older pupils went to Mevrou De Villiers’ class for that week. She was delighted to find that two of the four new children held early promise of being exceptionally talented, for there is nothing more motivating to the true teacher than a pupil who can remind them why they had chosen their profession. Este also knew that these two would push each other to heights they could not attain on their own. The two were Falk and a girl of the Erasmus family, descendants of the same family that had sold Benji the family cottage. Her name was Isabel, soon shortened to Isa. The little girl was short and stocky with tightly curled blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Este was to have the two under her care for three years, a year short of their allotted time, and she came to call them her blue-eyed geniuses. That first day of school, Stephanie went back to fetch her son, so keen was she to hear his experiences. It was not something she could sustain - over eight miles that first day - and thereafter he walked to school on his own, joining with other children along the way. All the way home he regaled her with stories of the other kids and she soon realised that a large part of his education was going to come from the process of socialisation with his peers. Chief among those he singled out for discussion were Isa and the boy who ruled the roost in the junior class, Frans Malherbe. Naturally, Stephanie knew the parents of both children, for the Gamkaskloof community, even at its peak in the days before the road was built, contained only around one hundred citizens. The Erasmus family lived near the head of the valley and were known to supply most of the intoxicating liquor in the valley, distilled from their grape vines. The Malherbe family had only recently come into the valley. Their grandfather and head of the family had discovered the valley when he was in Smuts’ Commando raid into the Cape and they had been running from the concerted efforts of the British army to cut them off and destroy them. The Malherbe boys were known to be tough and uncompromising: typical Transvaal Boers, was the complaint of those who were on the receiving end of their aggression. In the adult community, people steered clear of them, but it seemed that their influence extended to the playground of the school, for that was where Falk had met Frans, during first break. Stephanie found it ominous that the older boy had impressed his will upon Falk in such a short time. Falk’s first two terms of school were filled with the delight of learning and the jostling for pecking order which contained three pillars: the status of the parents, the strength of will and body, and success in the classroom. In all of those pillars Falk was a leader among his age group but, because of the peculiarity of having a class with children from the age of five to nine, he had to play second fiddle to the older and stronger boys. All of Falk’s early gains came crashing down when his father died in the autumn term. He would never forget that moment when he learnt of his father’s death. In the years to come, the time and place of that moment, even the smells and sounds of the valley, would reappear before him in times of sadness. Walter had been missing for several days, and Falk’s mother had told him the evening before that they thought his father might have met with an accident on the trail to Calitzdorp and that they had sent a search party out for him. When his mother was waiting for him after school, he knew it was bad news. She took his hand, something he had asked her not to do in front of the other children, and led him quickly away, down the road towards their home. He could feel the tremble in her hand. “What’s wrong, Ma?” “Let’s get away first, son.” “It’s Daddy, isn’t it?” “Let’s get away first, Falk, please.” He asked no more questions, for he knew already, and his young mind started to work out the ramifications of the disaster he was certain would be revealed. Stephanie could not tell him and she said nothing until they were almost home, nearly half an hour of silence. The Gamkaskloof Valley opens up before the river, becoming grassland with tall aloes on the ridges, and they could see their cottage perched on a knoll when they were still distant from it. When she saw their home, Stephanie started to cry. Falk tugged at her hand and stopped her. “Please, Mommy, tell me.” “Your Daddy’s dead, Falk.” She sank to the ground and he knew nothing else but to sit with her and hug her, and the two cried together. When she calmed, she told him. Of course, the greatest sadness, the unbelievable part of it all, was that Walter had taken his life and she had been unable to help him, unable to give him a reason for living. She would never understand that, and now her son had to learn of it and take his share of the blame. It was the transfer of this terrible knowledge that had stayed her tongue. But, when she told him she told him all she knew, for it would become common knowledge and he had to know and assimilate the awful truth before others spoke of it. There would be those who were supportive and those who speculated with unintended or even intended cruelty, especially the children, privy to their parents’ unguarded opinions. He slept a sleep of exhaustion that night and when he woke he told his mother he was going to school. “Are you sure, Falk?” “Yes, Mommy. They will not talk so much if I am there.” She had grave doubts about his ability to absorb the pressure but also knew he was right and allowed him to have his way. Este Ferreira helped tremendously. She hugged him before the class and addressed them. “Now listen, children. This boy has lost his father. It is something that could happen to any of us and we feel terribly sorry for his loss. My Daddy died when I was just ten and I remember it to this day. We must all help Falk, be kind to him and to his mother.” But on the playground Frans Malherbe said to him, “Your Daddy killed himself because he didn’t like you and your Ma.” Falk had only one reaction to that. He punched him on the nose and in turn was hit two or three times before they stopped the unequal fight. It was Trevor Weiss who stopped the fight. He did not need to know what had caused it, although he had a pretty good idea. It didn’t matter anyway, for the size and age differences meant Frans had to be censured. “You go home right now, Frans Malherbe. You tell your parents what you did today. Tell them the truth, for I will be coming to see them this afternoon. And when you come back tomorrow, you apologise to Falk.” In Falk’s judgment, it was the worst thing to do. “Please, Meneer, don’t send him away.” Weiss was prepared to listen. “Why should he not be punished?” “You will just make it worse, Meneer.” Weiss was amazed at the maturity of the boy, and not a little ashamed at his own overreaction. “Very well, I will heed your advice. You can stay, Malherbe.” After the break, when they were entering the classroom, Malherbe stopped him. “Thank you,” he said. Although the events of that day, the day after he heard the news, put a stop to the worst kind of speculation, the loss of his father and the on-going suffering of his mother, which she tried in vain to hide from her son, had an effect on his school and social life and it took him until the next year before he could recommence the earlier pace of his development. Falk worried about his grandfather. His mother had told him that Isaac knew of Walter’s death, that one of the search party who had found the body had volunteered to cross the river and tell him. He had never really understood why there was so little love between his father and grandfather. There were undercurrents he was not sufficiently mature to read, and there was also never anything said about the issue in his presence. Sometimes, however, he had overheard his father complaining to Stephanie of some slight he perceived in the behaviour of Isaac. It was all beyond Falk. But, when he lost his father there was only one other paternal figure he could turn to, and he decided Isaac was to become a friend of his. Falk resolved to visit his grandfather and he also decided not to tell his mother of his intentions, for he thought she might refuse him permission to do so. His little deception was to pretend to be ill on a Sunday and therefore unable to attend church service with her. That should give him at least four, if not five, hours, for the services and the socialising afterwards were long affairs in the valley. On top of that, it took an hour to walk to the church and back. He had no fears for the journey and the crossing of the big river. He had turned seven by that time and had been able to swim strongly since he was a mere child. Falk was also a big boy for his age and his muscles were toned from the walk to school each day and the herding of their sheep and the tilling of their small vegetable gardens. If he had fears, they were for what he might find and the reception he might receive. He had not seen his grandfather for a very long time and on that last occasion it had been when Isaac was at the market that was held when the transport riders brought in fresh produce. He had gone to Isaac and tugged at his trousers to get his attention. Isaac had smiled at him, a shy smile that also appeared a little vacant, as if the old man was trying to remember who he was. He crossed the river where there was the semblance of a ford, for he could see the ripples from the passing of the flowing water over shallow boulders and he could also see the churned earth on the bank opposite where Isaac brought his animals across the river to sell them. There was smoke coming from the chimney of Isaac’s small house, but when he looked inside the single-roomed cottage the old man was not there; coals in the hearth showed he had to be nearby. Falk was shocked at the crude furnishings in the room. There was a bed, a table, a chair, and an open-door cupboard for a few clothes, kitchen utensils and foodstuffs. All were made of roughhewn wood. At the back of the house there was another table and a few metal buckets; obviously that was where the old man washed both himself and the utensils he used to cook and eat from. Partly hidden in the bushes he could see a corner of an outhouse. “Who are you? What do you want here?” The question was delivered with righteous anger and the next minute Isaac appeared, coming from the outhouse. He was a sight, his hair and beard were long and tangled, his clothes faded to an offwhite colour and torn in places. He wore no shoes. Falk waited for the old man to recognise him but he showed no evidence that he did so. “I’m Falk, Grandfather. I’m your grandson. Walter’s boy.” “Oh yes, I’m sorry, boy. Now I see you. You have grown. Let me look at you closer now.” Isaac came right up to Falk and held his shoulders, peering myopically into his face. The boy was not afraid as the grip was gentle and the eyes kind. “My goodness, you look just like my father, Dan. Is that really you, Falk?” “Yes, Grandpa.” “And you’ve come to visit me, even though your Daddy’s dead?” “Yes. I want to be your friend.” “That’s good, Falk. That’s wonderful. Your Daddy didn’t like me, you know. He didn’t want me to get to know you, and that made me sad because I wanted another chance.” This was all news to Falk and he was suddenly very glad he had come. “Why did you and Daddy not talk to each other, Grandpa?” “Yes. That was so.” The old man looked vague. “Come.” He led the way into the cottage and gestured for Falk to sit on the single chair while he sat on the edge of the bed, on the mattress made of dried reeds. “That was a big question boy. I think we need to know each other a little better before I can answer that question. Now tell me about yourself and your wonderful mother, Stephanie.” And so, on that first visit, Falk did all the talking and, as he did so, the smile grew broader on the wrinkled face of the old man and his eyes showed a proprietary interest. Falk had lost track of time and his mother was home ahead of him, sitting on the verandah. “You went to visit your Grandpa, didn’t you?” “Yes, Ma.” “I knew you would. I’m proud of you, Son.” Falk had no idea what was going on, no idea that his mother had hoped he would seek out his blood relative, knowing the importance of having a man in his life. He was just grateful that he was not to be punished. The next time she went with him and they took food and all of Walter’s clothes and they found that Isaac had already done something about his appearance, anticipating with eagerness his grandson’s visits and the promise of friendship. 4. To his great surprise, Trevor Weiss stayed on at the Gamkaskloof School for five years. His intention had always been to stay just enough time to satisfy his curiosity about the unique society in the valley. But, every time he hiked over the mountains to spend his holidays elsewhere, he found himself missing the place. He had not factored in the joy he took from seeing the development of the children - and chief among them were Este’s two blue-eyed geniuses. By their third year, Isa and Falk were the intellectual leaders of the junior class and they were promoted to the senior class, skipping a year. Este Ferreira was going to miss them, but she was a good enough teacher to consider their needs. Although both children had mastered all of the subjects, Falk’s special interests were languages and history, and that meant that the classes with Trevor Weiss were his favourite times of the day, not just because he learnt something of the great writers and poets of the past, but also because his hunger for knowledge of people and places beyond the Swartberg Mountains was satisfied. “Tell us about …” was his constant refrain, and the young teacher was happy to oblige. And so Falk had a vicarious tour of Trevor Weiss’ life: his school and college in Oudtshoorn, the coast at Sedgefield where his grandparents had a cottage, the city of Cape Town where he hoped to live one day. It was information that most children in Gamkaskloof knew little about, a subject not often raised by their parents through lack of personal knowledge, or fears that their children would be seduced by the outside world and leave the valley. Trevor thought the latter motivation would get him into difficulty with the parents, and was always careful to give a balanced view of the outside world, extolling also the virtues of life in the valley. There were few books of literature in the school’s small library, and the only work in English was a translation of Don Quixote which a parent must have donated. Trevor persuaded the school elders to give him money to buy readers, but they did so grudgingly and he found himself paying for books of interest and carrying them over the mountains himself. Falk read every new book Weiss brought in within days. This gave a special challenge to the teacher, because he had to bring the rest of the class along at their much slower pace. Eventually Trevor solved the problem by having special lessons after school. He extended the invitation to all the pupils to attend, but only Falk and Isa came; the three of them would dissect the latest work. Because he was not constrained by a set curriculum, Trevor was able to share with Falk and Isa his favourites - the poetry of Yeats and Eliot and the novels of Hemingway - and he searched these favourites to find works suitable to their stage of development. By the time the two young pupils reached the senior class, Trevor had them previewing the new material to the class and he delighted at the insights they brought and could not help noticing the greater interest the rest of the class showed in the subject of languages when taught by their peers. Falk discussed everything he learnt with his grandfather. He visited him most Saturdays, sometimes only returning after dark, much to his mother’s concern, for there were leopards and troops of baboons in the surrounding mountains. And so, on a Saturday when he was ten, he took with him, across the river, Hemingway’s first collection of Nick Adams’ stories, for he was greatly troubled by a story called Indian Camp. He plunged straight into his problem. “Grandpa, I want to read you a story from this book because it bothers me a lot and I hope you can help me to understand it.” “Is it long?” “No, it’s a short story.” “Tell me about the author first, Falk.” “It’s a man called Ernest Hemingway. He is Mister Weiss’s favourite writer.” “Okay. And what does he write about?” “Oh, all sorts of things, Grandpa - war and fishing and hunting - but we haven’t read any of the long books yet. Mister Weiss says we must start with these stories first because they are basically stories about him when he was young. He calls the boy in the story Nick Adams, but it is really him when he was young.” “Okay, I understand, and what is this story about?” “I’m going to read it, Grandpa.” “Yes, but before you do, explain the story. It’s a long time since I read, Falk; I want to understand the story before you read it.” “Well, it’s about Nick Adams and his father who is a doctor. They go across this lake to visit an Indian camp because there is an Indian lady, who is having a baby, but she is having trouble with the baby and she might die if the baby doesn’t come out soon.” Isaac interrupted. “Is this Indian as in India or as in Red Indian from America?” “It’s from America. The man who wrote it is American. Can I carry on?” The old man nodded. “When they get there the lady is screaming because she is in lots of pain. Nick’s father sees that the lady cannot get the baby out and he has to cut her tummy open to get the baby out. He has no proper knives and things, and nothing to make the lady sleep, so they have to hold the lady down and she is so scared and sore that she even bites one of the men. “Any case, Nick has to help his Pa, bringing boiling water and such like, and they get the baby out and the baby is alive and starts breathing and everyone is happy. “But then the horrible part comes. When they go to leave, they look for the husband of the lady and they see him in the bunk above the bed where the baby was born. He is very quiet, so they stand on the lower bed to see him properly and they find that he is dead. He has cut his throat and he is lying in his own blood.” Isaac was horrified. “Does your teacher let you read stories like that?” “Yes, Grandpa, but you mustn’t be cross with him. He says stories like this will help us understand about life. And he is right. Isa and I have learnt lots from these stories. It’s just this one that worries me and I want you to help me understand it.” “Alright son, you’d better read it to me.” Isaac did not interrupt once and concentrated hard, for he wanted to do his best to help the boy and it had been a very long time since he had heard a story. He found the writing quite easy to understand and even a bit repetitive, and he could see that it was a good story for Falk because the doctor, the father in the story, was telling Nick what was going on. It was a learning experience for Nick, and also for Falk. Nevertheless, the ending, with the Indian husband cutting his throat, was hard to stomach. “It’s a good story, Falk. What do you want to ask me?” “It’s about the man. I understand all the bits about the mother and holding her down and cutting open her tummy and all that. But I don’t know about what the man did.” “What don’t you understand, Falk?” “Would a man do that? Would he be so worried and scared about his wife that he would kill himself?” “I’ve never heard of anything like that, Falk, but I suppose it is possible. Some men love their wives so much they maybe could do that.” Isaac understood then that the real reason why this question bothered Falk so much was because his father had committed suicide. He searched for the right thing to say. “You know son, sometimes we can’t understand why people do things that seem so wrong. Like this Indian man. The story tells us that he had cut his foot and he lay in the bunk smoking his pipe while they delivered the baby. Who knows what worries he had? Yes, I think we know that he thought his wife could maybe die. But there are lots of other things that a husband and a father worries about and sometimes the worry gets so bad that he would rather be dead than alive. “Can you understand that, Falk?” “What was my Pa worrying about, Grandpa?” “I don’t know, Son. Your daddy and I did not know each other well enough for me to know the answer to that question. But I can tell you what he didn’t worry about; he didn’t worry about you and your ma. He thought he was a very lucky man that your mother married him and that they had you.” “So, it was something else?” “Yes, Falk, it was something else. You must also know that your daddy was the sort of person who worried a lot. Some people are like that, they are born like that and they can’t help it. We might never know what it was that worried your daddy so much. I think you must just realise that, Falk. It’s like this Indian man. We won’t ever know why he did what he did and it’s no use us trying to work it out.” Falk had his first real fight when he was twelve. The scuffles that he had engaged in previously could not be graced with the term fight. This one could, and it was all about Isa growing up to become a beauty. He’d not noticed her transformation. Isa was his best friend. He knew her intellect and character well, but when her body lost its puppy fat and her limbs lengthened and her hair straightened and she became the prettiest girl in the valley, he was still admiring her cleverness. He only became aware when Frans Malherbe told him. Frans had a serious case of hero worship for Falk. Ever since the act of kindness shown to him by the younger boy, he had watched over him, making it known that he would brook no acts of nastiness towards Falk and taking pride in Falk’s academic achievements. His protection made Falk uneasy, but there was not much he could do about it. One day, Frans sidled up to him at break. “Hey man, what do you and Isa talk about in those special classes after school?” Falk was surprised at the question. Everyone knew the reason for those classes. “Well, we talk about books and poetry.” “No man, that’s what you say you talk about, but how can you sit next to her and think about anything but her.” “Pardon?” “She’s beautiful, man.” Falk couldn’t keep his eyes off her in the class after break, seeing her through the eyes of the other boys for the first time and discovering the truth of Frans’ observation. That afternoon in the special class she noticed his reserve. “What’s wrong, Falkie?” “Nothing.” “C’mon, what’s it?” “Frans Malherbe says you are beautiful.” “Did he? That’s nice. And what do you think?” “You’re my friend Isa, I don’t think of things like that.” “So, you don’t think I’m beautiful?” “Of course I think you’re beautiful. It’s just that we’ve been friends for years and I’ve never had to think about what you look like, or what I look like. It was never important. Now suddenly the other boys are jealous that I see so much of you.” “Ooh, I like that,” she teased. Weiss had overheard the conversation and, like Falk, was also a little saddened that their relationship would change. In a funny way, this metamorphosis from the innocence of youth helped him to make the final decision to leave the valley at the end of that school year. The fight came about because Isa told him of the crude advances of Danie Prinsloo, a boy who had left the school the previous year. The Prinsloo and Botha families were regarded with some suspicion and not a little disdain by the klowers of the valley because of their practise of intermarrying within the two families. Perhaps because of the way they were ostracised, they drew ever closer to their own circle, farming adjoining tracts of the valley bottom near the head of the valley, just before the Erasmus farm. Some of the latest generation of the families showed the results of the incest they practised, both physically and mentally. Danie was one of these; slow of thought, vacant of expression, and with a viciousness without boundary. Isa had to walk through their properties to get to school, and Danie started to be there every morning and afternoon, waiting for her at a stream crossing. At first, he said nothing, seeming content to merely leer at her, appraising her body in an obvious way. Even a twelveyear-old girl, becoming aware of her latent sexuality, could see the disrespect in his gaze and it frightened her. Then he started to talk to her, making lewd suggestions. It was clear to her that he knew about sex, had either practised it or observed others doing so, for he said things she did not know existed. One morning he took it too far and blocked her way. “Come on, Isa. Don’t be such a cock teaser. I know you want it.” She looked frantically around but could see no-one to help. “There’s none will help you, Isa. Come on, let’s do it now. I know you will like it.” “Get away from me Danie or I’ll scream.” His expression changed immediately, became closed and nasty. “Like fuck you will,” he sneered, and lunged for her. She ducked under his arm and ran with the panic of a hunted animal in terror of capture. He was no match for her speed, and soon fell behind, shouting curses after her. When she came into the schoolyard, the first person she encountered was Falk. He saw immediately that something was very wrong; her face was streaked with tear tracks, her legs dusty from running. “What is it, Isa?” At first she would not tell him, intuitively knowing that he would want to do something about it, and that that would place him in danger of being badly hurt. But he would not accept her evasions and she eventually told him. All that morning, Falk thought of nothing but the action he would take. There was no question that he would make sure that she was never accosted again, but how best to do it? Danie Prinsloo was not that much bigger than him, but the four or five years age difference would tell heavily in the older boy’s favour. Falk also had to consider the reprisals the Prinsloo and Botha clans would take; he had to accept that aftermath, but could not worry about it yet. Should he get the school involved, let Mister Weiss handle it? That action held no long-lasting solution. There would be censure, but it would cool down and Isa would still have to walk through that farm, walk past that boy. What of Isa’s father and her two much older brothers, both with families of their own now. He also felt he could not trust them to take decisive action; the Erasmus family was very laid back, some said they imbibed more of their alcohol than they sold. It was up to him. He had to beat Danie Prinsloo so badly that he would never accost Isa again. At break he told Frans Malherbe of his plan and asked him to stay until after the special class and then to trail behind them, unseen, and made him promise to only intervene if it was absolutely necessary. He stressed this last point for if they were seen to have ganged up on Prinsloo it would start a clan war. After special class, Falk stepped out with Isa, heading east up the valley. “What are you doing?” “I’m coming with you.” “You’re not.” “Aren’t you scared he will attack you, Isa?” She was grateful for his company, as she had spent the whole day fearful of the events that might unfold when she crossed that stream near her home. Yet she knew his presence would precipitate a fight and he could be hurt badly, even crippled; Danie Prinsloo was vicious enough to not stop once he had the upper hand. “He’ll beat you, Falk.” “No, he won’t.” “But he’s older than you, and he’s had fights before. When did you have a fight?” “That doesn’t matter. I’m coming with you, Isa.” The two walked in silence after that, both preoccupied with the stream crossing and what awaited them there. Falk hoped Frans had kept his promise and was behind them, but he did not see him. Danie Prinsloo was waiting for them with a surprise, his younger brother Mathias, a boy of their age. When they were some distance away he called to them. “So you’ve brought brain-box. It makes no difference. You fucked with me this morning, Isa, and my brother and I’ll pay you back.” Falk was looking for a weapon. He would lose this fight badly, and Isa would be molested, unless he had a weapon to stop them. There were some cut branches lying nearby. They used them to mark the depth of the stream, and they obviously had not been put in place yet. One was about the thickness of his forearm. He whispered to her, “Listen, when we’re almost at them, I’ll shout to you to run. You must do that, it’ll split them. It’s our only chance, Isa.” He looked to her for confirmation that she understood and saw her naked fear. It gave him an unholy rage to see her so frightened. When he judged the distance to be right, he shouted to her to run and he ran too, straight for Danie, and turned his body at the last moment so that his shoulder thumped into the older boy’s chest, knocking him off his feet. Then he leaped to the pile of wood and grabbed the one he had singled out and turned to assess the situation. Mathias had caught Isa as she tried to run past and he held her from behind, his hands roughly groping her breasts. Falk was vaguely aware that Danie was getting up from the road and knew he should attend to him first, but the sight of the younger brother groping the girl was too much for him. He swung the branch with all of his pent up rage and fear and caught Mathias across the shoulders, eliciting a shout of pain. Mathias released the girl. At that moment, Falk felt a burning sensation in his lower back and turned back to face the more dangerous Danie, who now stood watching him, a smug look on his face. “I stuck you, brain-box.” Falk felt his side and his hand came away red. Then he saw the knife in Danie’s hand, the kind of short stout knife they used to free stones from horses hooves. He had no way of knowing how badly he was injured; there would be time for that later. Now he had to beat this boy quickly, before he lost his strength. He went at him with a ferocity that surprised Danie, catching him across the arm he’d thrown up to protect himself from the swinging branch, and knowing he had disabled that arm as the knife flew from the nerveless hand. The next swing caught the older boy on the side of the head, and the branch broke. Falk threw the remainder of the branch away and waited for Danie to recover and get back to his feet. He needed to beat him with his fists to make it conclusive. Then he heard Frans behind him. “I’ve got the other little shit, Falk.” He turned to see Mathias held in an arm lock by his friend. Isa stood nearby, her expression one of horror. Danie stood, and Falk could see the red bruise already forming on the side of the face and the blood on the ear. Danie tried to surrender, holding his hands upward in a gesture of supplication. He did not want to fight any more but Falk did not care; he had come there to beat him in a way that ensured Isa’s safety and the job was not yet done. Danie stood for the first punches, and tried to defend himself in an ineffective way, but then he lost his battle with the little self-respect he had and he sank to the ground, pleading. Falk found he could not keep on hitting a helpless person, no matter what loathing he had for him. “Why’d I come here, Danie?” “To beat me.” “But why?” “Because I said bad things to Isa.” “Clever boy, Danie. And what’ll happen if you bother her again?” “You’ll beat me again.” “That’s right, Danie. You remember that now.” He turned to face the small group of onlookers. “Let him go now, Frans. Let him take his brother home.” The minute he released the pressure, the need to fight with pure instinct and passion, he felt the burning pain in his side and he tried to see the extent of his injury. “I’ll do that,” said Isa, and she pulled his shirt out of his pants and inspected the wound. “It went right into you Falk; we must get you to Meneer Scheepers.” “No, Isa, you must go home. Frans will go with me.” “I’ll not leave until I know you’re okay. I’ll come with you.” “But then you have to walk back past this place on your own.” “He will never bother me again, Falk. I saw his face. He won’t be even able to look at me again.” 5. No-one really knows why Gamkaskloof became known as Die Hel. The generally held belief is that a stock inspector, who visited the valley monthly, journeying on foot over the mountains from Calitzdorp, likened the rugged and tough trip to hell. The name did not sit well with inhabitants of that hidden valley, and they never used it to when referring to their home. What is a certainty is that the road that was built to link the valley to the outside world, with its tortuous and treacherous twists, and unguarded giddy drops, and especially the last one-thousand-foot descent to the valley bottom, made the name Die Hel seem appropriate for all who dared to travel that way. Falk was in his fifteenth year when the road was completed, but he and the inhabitants of the valley had known of it for years, for that was how long it took to complete. It was a hotly debated topic for those years, some fearful that it would change their lives, others, mainly the young people, hopeful that it would change their lives. And change their lives it did, for eventually it drained the valley of nearly all of its inhabitants. But that took several decades. Back in 1962, the year Falk turned fifteen, the final sections of the road down into the valley were visited daily, by people in awe of the large bulldozer as it worked its way noisily, pushing sand and rocks before it, causing landslides down the precipitous slopes. And then the visitors started coming. It was difficult to know who gawked the most, the outsiders, who felt they were in a time-warp to the past, or the locals, some of whom had never seen modern motor vehicles. One of the first visitors was Falk’s grand-aunt Tess, the sister of Isaac. She had been desperate to visit, to see her brother and his grandson, the only two males left in their family. Tess had never married, never had children, and, as she felt she was reaching the end of her days, the succession of the line, the inheritance of the family assets, played heavily on her. Tess had not seen her brother Isaac for more than a decade, for she had stopped travelling the arduous horseback trail through the Gamka River gorges when she turned sixty. When last she had made that journey, Falk was three and his father had still been alive. She arrived unannounced late on a Friday afternoon, having taken almost seven hours from Rooikrantz Farm to reach Stephanie’s cottage. She came in her Zephyr Mark II saloon. As adventurous as she was in her seventy-first year, the frightening journey in a car with drum brakes and narrow tyres had taken its toll, and she was frazzled. Falk was first out of the house, staring in awe at the dusty car, and it took him some time before he turned his attention to the elderly woman who had alighted from the car. “Gooie middag, mevrou.” “You must be Falk. Do you speak English, boy?” “Of course I do. And who’re you, mevrou?” “I am your grandfather’s sister. Your Great-aunt Tess.” “Oh, my goodness!” Then he yelled, “Ma.” Stephanie came out onto the verandah and recognised her at once. “Aunt Tess!” And she ran out to the car and embraced her warmly. “Oh, how wonderful. All these years I’ve wondered how you were.” “Well, I’m a little weary right now, my dear.” Stephanie looked around for the driver of the car. “You drove down that awful road on your own?” “Yes, my dear. I can still drive, you know.” “Come and sit on the stoep, Tess. Come and have some tea, or maybe you’d prefer a lemonade?” “Some tea would be lovely.” Stephanie took control, ordering Falk to clean his room, make the bed with fresh linen and to place Tess’ luggage in the room; he was to sleep in the sitting room. Tess watched, bemused at this flurry of activity on her behalf. “But my dear Steph, how do you know I’m staying here?” “Of course you’re staying here. You can’t stay with your brother, it’s not comfortable there. Falk will take you to visit him tomorrow.” The rest of that afternoon they talked in generalities, catching up on the news, and they ate supper early and retired to bed shortly after the sun dipped below the western ramparts, as was the custom in the valley. When Falk woke the next morning, at his usual time, with the first bird calls, he heard the murmuring of the two women out on the verandah, and smelt the pungent aroma of coffee. They stopped talking when they heard him moving in the sitting room and he guessed they were talking about him. He went out onto the verandah, on his way to do his ablutions in the outhouse. “Morning, Ma. Good morning,” he said to his great-aunt, for he did not know how to address her. Tess looked to have benefited greatly from a good night’s sleep. Her expression alive and interested. “You don’t know what to call me, do you?” “No. What would you like me to call you?” “I’d really like you to call me Tess. Can you do that?” “I’m not sure I can. I’ve never called an adult by their given name.” “Well, we’re going to spend a lot of time together, Falk, and I’d like you to call me Tess.” He was concerned that he did not know what she meant by that statement. Was he going to live with her in Prince Albert, or on the olive and fruit farm? “Why’re we going to spend a lot of time together? I mean, I don’t want to be rude, I would sure like to get to know you better, but … what did you mean?” She vacillated, cross with herself for the way she had expressed it. It was not yet time to reveal the true purpose of her visit. “Oh Falk, don’t be alarmed. I just mean with the new road it will be possible for us to visit more regularly.” The road ended short of the river, for they had not yet built the lowlevel bridge. They left the car parked under a tree. The Gamka was running quite strongly, little whirlpools evidence of the turmoil beneath the dark waters. “Are you sure you can cross, Tess?” “Of course I can. I used to swim in this river. I’ll just hike up my skirts and hang on to you. You can carry my boots.” He was sceptical, but she seemed game enough and he admired her for it. The conversation around the breakfast table had shown him that Tess was exceptional in many ways, especially her breadth of knowledge and wisdom; he found himself hanging on to her every word. The crossing was hazardous, and on several occasions she slipped and Falk struggled to maintain his footing. Each time that happened, she dropped her skirt to hang on to him and the material was soaked by the time they reached the opposite bank. But the more she struggled, the greater seemed to be her enjoyment. Falk wished he had known her when she was younger; his perception of the Baartman’s had been gained through the difficult times with his father and the reclusive nature of his grandfather. Here was a Baartman who embraced life with joy. When they were in sight of the cottage Falk could see that Isaac was on the verandah, the normal place for him on a Saturday, waiting for his grandson. “Hello Falk my boy,” he called out, and then, “Who’s that with you?” Tess looked a query at Falk. “He doesn’t see too well.” She answered equally quietly. “Let’s wait then ‘til we’re closer.” Isaac had stood, his attitude one of unease, and then he let out a great shout of joy. “Tess. Oh my God, Tess.” He moved faster than Falk had ever seen before, running off the verandah and down the dirt track. Brother and sister embraced and Falk stood outside the circle, watching, and he saw the deep longing as they held tightly to one another, eyes shut, their old faces streaked with tears. He was greatly comforted by the love they had for one another and it confirmed for him what his visits to Isaac had shown him; that his grandfather was capable of love, that he could love deeply, but could not express his love and that it was up to the other party to bring it out of him. Falk was sad that his father Walter had never seen that in Isaac, never given himself the chance to be loved by this rare old man. When the two eventually broke away from one another Tess spoke first. “Oh my brother, we have so much catching up to do, more than a decade of memories.” “Not so much from my side, Tess. I’m here as you see me. No change, just older. All that happened is my son died and I got a chance to meet this wonderful grandson of mine. My memories are of the Saturday’s Falk has visited, all the things he’s done, and all the things he’s learned from the books he’s read. I’ve lived his life and here he is, Tess, you can ask him those things directly.” Falk wondered if his grandfather would ever have told him how important his visits were if not for this chance meeting with his sister. He could not let the old man think the benefits were onesided. “Grandpa.” He waited until he had his full attention. “Grandpa, I’ve loved coming here to visit you. Saturdays have become my favourite days. You will never know how important it was after Pa died that I had you for my friend.” Tess told them the true reason for her visit on the third day. She had learnt all she needed to know and she chose to tell them after the three of them returned from the church service. They had cut quite a picture, driving to the church in her Zephyr. “Can I have a serious discussion about the future?” she asked when they sat together on the verandah. Falk had been a little put out by all of the talk that had taken place about him behind his back. Tess had spoken privately to his mother, his grandfather, Isa and his teachers. His irritation at not being party to those discussions caused him to be unnaturally rude. “It’s about time, Tess, that you included me in deciding my future.” She was not offended. “You’re quite right, Falk. But, you see, I wanted to be quite sure that what I propose is right for you, and was acceptable to your mother. And it’s only a proposal. You’ll have your chance now to tell me if it’s the right thing for you. If you don’t think so, well then, we just carry on as usual. “Is that Okay?” “Yes. Okay. So you know about this too, Ma?” “Yes, my son.” That made him feel even more excluded, but he had the patience to let Tess finish. “You have a really good brain, Falk. You outgrew your school here years ago, probably since Mister Weiss left. From what I hear, you and Isa have become teachers’ assistants for the last year. Would you agree with that?” “I don’t know about the good brain, Tess. Who are we comparing with? There are just a few children in this valley and we’ve never had a chance to experience the outside world.” She acknowledged the truth of his statement with a nod of her head, and then continued. “I’ve not told you that Mister Weiss came to visit me. It was he who put into my head the proposal I’m making. He told me he has never met two children like you and Isa. And he’s teaching in a big school now, down in Cape Town, not just comparing the two of you with the children here in Gamkaskloof. He made a special trip to tell me that, and my impression of him is that he would not do that lightly. He thinks very highly of you, Falk.” The boy did not comment, but he was very pleased to hear that Weiss had not forgotten him. “Mister Weiss believes that the Hoerskool vir Seuns in Oudtshoorn would be the right school for you. It’s the school he went to and he thinks it would suit you well, because it has the right mix of learning and sport. He also thinks you would fit in well there, for many of the pupils come from a farming background.” He had many questions and objections but he waited for her to finish. “I went to visit them, Falk, and I was very impressed with their emphasis on giving a rounded education. I was also impressed with their facilities and with the few teachers I met. I think Trevor Weiss was right, it would be a good place for you.” “You actually went there?” “Yes. Now let me tell you what this means to me, Falk. You will be the last Baartman heir when Isaac passes on. You’ve never had a chance to see what my father Dan achieved, the farms and businesses the family owns. I’ve been running them myself since Dad died. You have a chance to come into the family business, Falk. If you decide you don’t want to, well, then, after I die the estate will be wound up and you and Isaac and your mother will get your share. “But I’d love to see the family business go on into the future and I hope you will as well. But you need to further your education, Falk. I’m hoping you will accept my proposal to go to Hoerskool Oudtshoorn as a boarder, and come to Prince Albert during the holidays to start learning about the family business.” Falk was astounded. Not about the boarding school, for he had speculated that would be the proposal, but about the family wealth and that he could be a part of it. He had never thought beyond finishing school and going to work on a farm. “What about you, Ma?” “I’m grateful for you, son. This is your chance. I will join you in Prince Albert during the holidays; we’ll stay at the family farm that’s just outside the town.” “How will you pay, Ma?” “Your Grandmother will pay for you, son.” He turned to Tess. “I’m not sure that is right, Tess. We have never accepted money from others.” “Not others, Falk, your family. You will be helping me realise my dream of keeping our farms and businesses in the family. That’s worth much more to me.” “Thank you, Aunt Tess. I hope I can live up to what you expect.” He turned again to his mother. “Ma, I’m only sad for Isa, that she can’t have something like this. You know her family will never help her.” His mother smiled broadly. “All done, son, ask Tess.” He looked quizzically at his aunt. “Mister Weiss did it Falk. He’s organised a bursary for Isa. She is going to the Girls’ High School in Oudtshoorn. And what is even more amazing is that the boys’ and girls’ schools are combining next year so you might even end up in the same class as her.” Falk had one last question of his mother. “And Grandpa?” “Grandpa is where he wants to be, son.” OUDTSHOORN Uit die blou van onse hemel, Uit die diepte van ons see, Oor ons ewige gebergtes Waar die kranse antword gee. C.J. Langenhoven. “Die Stem.” 1. The three years Falk spent in Oudtshoorn were among the happiest of his life, but it didn’t start out that way. Tess came to fetch Stephanie, Falk and Isa in late January of 1963 and took them over the Swartberg Pass to Oudtshoorn, where the two women planned to stay in a hotel for a few days to see the children settled into their new school. For both Falk and Isa that first sighting of the town as they came out of the mountains was among the most momentous of their lives. They had never seen a building more than one storey high, never seen tar roads, never seen stores with brightly coloured signs, and never seen parks and tree-lined streets, and street signs. Already on the road journey their world had started the process of rapid change, when they encountered the increased traffic after the turn-off to the Cango Caves and then driven past ostrich farms with fields filled with the large, pop-eyed birds. That night, after a meal in the hotel, the four had walked the neardeserted streets, passing as they did the school building and the two hostels where the children would be staying, the imposing old turreted building that was Pinehurst, the girls’ hostel, and the more utilitarian Archer, the boys’ hostel. Both of the children were thoroughly intimidated by all they had seen that day, and it would be strange for them in future years to reflect on the feelings and emotions that had beset them that night, and had left them sleepless in the small rooms of the hotel. The following day, Friday, they went to the store that supplied school uniforms and sporting clothing. This at least provided an exciting distraction, for neither had ever owned new clothes and the feel of the cotton and the crispness of the creases were new and different; this did not apply to the shoes, because the restriction of their first ever closed shoes held no joy, and the delight came with taking them off. Falk was quite sure Isa’s bursary did not cover clothing, and he waited until Tess was on her own before approaching her. “Does Isa’s bursary pay for all of these things, Tess?” “Why do you ask, Falk?” “Because if it doesn’t, then I will pay for them. You can take the money off when I can afford it.” She tried to hide her pleasure at his caring behaviour towards the girl. “Well, you’re too late, Falk.” “What do you mean?” “I mean she asked me before you did, promised to pay me back. I’ll give you the answer I gave her. I told her I’ve not had such fun for many years, seeing you two enjoying yourselves. And I told her I have oodles of money and no-one to spend it on.” She became more serious. “Falk, I’ve opened an account at this store. You’ll need other things like sporting equipment. You must just come here for those things and they will charge them to me.” That evening, around the dinner table, Falk introduced a subject that he knew would distress his mother. “Ma.” His tone was serious and she was immediately attentive. “Yes Falk.” “I want to go to the hostel on my own tomorrow.” “No son, you can’t.” “Please listen to me first, Ma, before you say no.” “Why would you want to do that? All the other new boys to the hostel will be brought by their mothers and fathers. You don’t have a father, but I won’t let them think you don’t even have a mother.” “You’re thinking about yourself, Ma, not about me.” “What about you?” “It’s embarrassing for me to need someone to take me to the hostel.” “Would it be different if it was your father taking you?” “No, it wouldn’t. Ma, just look around you. Everything around here is different. We’re different. The boys at that school are going to see we are different. It might be okay for Isa, because girls are nicer, but those boys are going to make fun of me.” Stephanie tried to see his point of view and she looked at her plain old-fashioned dress and saw herself through his eyes, the new eyes that had been watching people intently all that day. He had to adapt to this world; she could escape back into the valley. Suddenly, she had a view of his future and it did not include her and the tears sprung to her eyes. Falk was contrite and reached for her hand on top of the dining table. Tess and Isa watched the tableau between mother and son, sympathetic to both and not wanting to take sides. “Ma, this is not about you. I love you, Ma. You wanted me to come here so that I could become part of this new world. I’ve had you to help me all my life, but now I’ve got to face things myself. Please understand, Ma.” “Are you ashamed of me, Falk?” “No Ma, and I’ll never be. I think you are the best mother in Gamkaskloof, and I’m the luckiest boy.” His words comforted her and she started to think about his predicament without the colour of her emotions, and eventually she understood his desire to prove his independence. The Zephyr dropped him off a block from the hostel and he walked the rest of the way, the shoes pinching and the new cardboard suitcase with its scarce contents weighing lightly on his arm. He was a boy big for his age, but with the raw-boned look that is often the mark of farm children: no fat on him, and arms, legs and face the colour of stained wood. The blue eyes sparkled in the brown face with an intensity of interest that marked him as a boy of intelligence with a burning desire to learn and improve his lot in life. Falk was a product of his heritage and environment. From his mother he had inherited his steadfast and determined nature, from the paternal side you had to go back three and four generations to see the line, from Dan came his industry and love of words, from Benji his physical presence and courage. His environment, Gamkaskloof, Die Hel, had not provided him with too many attributes of relevance to his new life; physical strength and a love of nature and solitude were his gifts from the valley and the first of these would make him a formidable force on the playing fields, but the others would mark him with strangeness. None of these complexities would have been visible to a stranger seeing the lone boy walking down the dusty street on a warm, late-January afternoon to present himself to unknown persons for the purpose of moulding his life by their rules and conventions. There was much activity in front of the hostel, on the street where cars were disgorging children and their parents and their piles of luggage, and the entrance way, where harassed teachers greeted and instructed. “Wie is jy, seun?” asked a bald man with a large stomach. “I am Falk Baartman.” “Where are your mother and father?” “My father’s dead, meneer. My mother brought me here, but she has gone now.” “You are the boy from Die Hel?” Falk knew the term. “Ja, meneer.” “My magtig.” Then he yelled to someone unseen, “Mevrou De Jager, hier is die kind vanaf Die Hel.” His voice was loud, and many turned to stare at Falk, as if he were a curiosity. It was a look he was to encounter many times in the next weeks. A kind looking middle-aged woman appeared. “Good afternoon, boy. Are you Falk Baartman?” “Yes, mevrou.” “And where’s your mother, Falk?” “She brought me to the town but I asked her to let me come here on my own.” “Well, that was brave of you. Normally we like to have the parents see the dormitories and the other facilities, so they can envisage where their sons are. Did your mother not want to see that?” Falk had not thought what he was denying Stephanie by insisting that he come alone. “She would have liked to have seen that, mevrou, but I wanted to come on my own. I have to look after myself now.” She gave him a look of surprise. It was not the first time he would surprise with his declarations of independence. “Very well then, young man, you must come with me and sign the documents if you wish to look after yourself.” She walked him through to an office where several parents were completing signing formalities and as she did so she introduced herself. “I am Helen de Jager, Falk. My husband is the Housemaster of this hostel and I am the Housemistress. We will be like your mother and father while you are here with us.” Falk liked the sound of that, but then remembered the fat man. “Is your husband the man who first met me?” She laughed, a very pleasant warm laugh. “No. That’s Meneer Botha, one of the teachers who lives in the hostel and helps us. Here, here is my husband. Willem, this is Falk Baartman, the boy Steven Weiss told us about.” Willem de Jager was a tall thin man with a perpetual frown which seemed very threatening at first sight, but which Falk was to learn disguised the fair nature of the man. “Welcome, young man.” “Thank you, meneer.” “Where’s his mother, Helen?” “He came on his own; he wants to stand on his own feet.” “Well, who’s going to sign the papers?” “You’ll have to make a plan, Willem. Let the boy sign.” “That’s not regular.” “Come on, Willem, what else can you do?” “Well, you do it then,” and he left them, grumbling to himself. Falk was mortified that he had caused all of this difficulty. But then he remembered that they said Steven Weiss had told them about him, and he was grateful that he at least did not need to explain his background to the De Jagers. She sat him down and placed some papers before him. “I must read these documents to you Falk, so that you know what you are signing for. Don’t be too worried about what Meneer de Jager said. We have children coming here on their own by train sometimes. We will just send these papers home with you during the holidays and you can have your mother sign them again.” When they had finished she took him upstairs to the dormitory and handed him over to a senior boy. “This is Michael Johnson, one of the House Prefects. He will show you around.” The genial expression on Johnson’s face disappeared once the Housemistress was out of sight. “So you are one of the hillbillies from Die Hel. You certainly look pretty stupid. Are you all stupid down there? I hear you are all kissing cousins, you know what I mean?” When Falk did not answer he was challenged. “I asked you a question Baartman.” “I’m sorry, what was the question?” “I said you’re all kissing cousins down there. Do you know what that means?” Falk had an idea what it meant, because there were people like that in the valley, the Prinsloo’s for one. “No, I don’t know what you mean.” “I mean, you people fuck your cousins, even your sisters, maybe.” The word shocked Falk. His inclination was to strike Johnson, and he was of a size to do so, but he kept quiet. He had known there would be challenges like this. He told himself to remain calm; act like this was not a big deal. “You must have been into our valley yourself then, because I don’t know anyone who behaves like that.” Johnson bored of the baiting game, for he had a lot of new boys to meet and show around, besides there would be plenty of occasions to bait the boy from Die Hel. He showed Falk to his bed, pointed out the location of the ablutions and told him he was free until the supper bell rang at six thirty. Falk sat on the bed and reflected on the things he had encountered in the half-hour he had been at the school. It did not auger well for the future, but his native doggedness made him move beyond the challenges and start assessing the situation objectively. He looked around the dormitory. The bed frames were made of iron and the mattresses of a sponge material. It was covered with fresh linen, much washed, and thin brown blankets. The beds and linen were much better than he was used to. At the foot of the bed was a tin locker with place for a padlock, something he did not have. The dormitory contained forty-six beds, he counted them. Along the one side, the room had windows to the outside street. He had been placed on the other side of the room, so he took a chance and moved his suitcase and placed it on a bed under a window. There were boys in the dormitory, around half a dozen of them, some engaging in first conversations with each other, some seemed to know each other, presumably having come from the same junior school. He assumed this was a junior dormitory, perhaps for standard 6 and 7 boys and, from the absence of boys his age, he reckoned they only accepted new boys into the dormitory that first day, allowing them to acclimatise themselves before the senior boys arrived the next day, the Sunday, the day before school opened. He wondered why they had put him in that dorm, and not the one for standard 8s. Falk’s encounter with the prefect left him with no desire to talk to anyone, so he went wandering around the building. The floor of the passages and stairs were polished a dark green colour, very shiny and clean. He could smell the polish. Downstairs, he found the dining room and peered through the door; twelve tables, each seating ten, and a raised section with another table. On the ground floor there were also classrooms, which surprised him for he’d assumed the building was only for sleeping and eating. Could they be for study purposes? He didn’t know. At the back of the building, down a long corridor that contained offices, there was a door that seemed to lead outside and he opened it and went out into an enclosed garden, a very pleasant space with trees and a fish pond with a fountain. This was a place he could come to when he needed a break, a place to think. “What do you think you’re doing?” The voice was angry and he recognised it: Meneer Botha, the fat teacher. He turned and saw him, sitting on a bench with a newspaper in his hand. “Sorry meneer, have I done something wrong?” “You boys are not allowed in here. This is the teachers’ garden. Now get out and don’t let me see you in here again.” Falk went wandering again, this time out the front door and down the street towards town. It seemed he walked aimlessly for a very long time and he was brought to his senses when the clock on a very large church started timing the hour, six chimes. He had to get back for supper in a half-hour, not that he was hungry, but it seemed he had already broken enough rules for his first day. When he arrived in the passage outside the dining hall the end of the queue was just entering and he joined it, going with the flow and sitting at a table with a few empty places. The room was quiet, the boys uncertain what would happen next, watching the high table where Meneer and Mevrou de Jager, Meneer Botha and a younger, very pretty, woman teacher sat. De Jager stood to address them. “Well boys, this is your first meal at Oudtshoorn High School. We welcome you to the school and hope your five years with us will be happy and successful. We here in the hostel will make it our task to provide you with a home from home, so that you can concentrate on what the school has to offer you and not worry about matters that you cannot control. “Let me introduce you to the people on the high table. Firstly, sitting on my right here is my wife, Mevrou De Jager. My wife and I are the Housemaster and Housemistress of the hostel. Next is Meneer Jansen Botha. Meneer Botha stays in the hostel with us and helps with prep and other matters. Meneer Botha is an Afrikaans teacher. Next is Miss Pauline Augustine. She also helps out in the hostel. Miss Augustine is a Biology teacher.” The young woman teacher smiled to acknowledge the introduction, the smile transforming her face so that Falk saw she was beautiful, one of the most beautiful women he had seen. He was captivated by the smile, which gave her a luminescence, and had to tear his gaze away to hear the Housemasters words. “After supper you will be given a few hours to shower and read, and I hope you will all write to your mothers. Lights are out at nine thirty. Tomorrow you will be woken at six o’ clock. This is the normal waking time during school term and even on the weekends. Breakfast is at seven, and afterwards you all assemble outside the front entrance, where you will be accompanied to the church of your choice. “That is all you need to remember for the time being. I will tell you more at lunch tomorrow, and of course we will be joined by the senior boys who will be arriving in the afternoon. “Now a few rules. No talking after lights out. No boys may enter the teacher’s garden at the back of the hostel. We already had one boy go in there today. He didn’t know, so he was not punished, but now you all know. No boy may leave the area of the hostel without asking permission. We are responsible for your safety, and we take our responsibility very seriously, so this is an absolutely strict rule; you may not leave these premises without permission to do so. “That’s all boys, and now bow your heads during the saying of grace. Mister Johnson, will you say grace tonight?” Johnson stood and spoke in a loud voice. “For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.” Falk could not believe that the boy with the foul mouth could be the one saying grace. Did they not know he swore like that? How did they choose prefects? Falk realised he had a lot to learn. That night, after lights out, Falk lay listening to the sounds around him. Each boy made a different noise, some gentle, some grating. Would he ever get used to this noise, he who was used to nothing but the noise of the wind and the harmonious calls of the owls and nightjars to accompany him in the dark of the night? He had made so many mistakes out of ignorance. “Thank goodness they did not see me going into town,” he thought, already smarting at having being singled out for his indiscretion of going into the teacher’s garden. Tomorrow there would be more challenges to his lack of understanding of the way these people lived and behaved, and he dreaded the arrival of the senior boys as that would signal the real start of his indoctrination and he knew he would receive special attention because of the lascivious rumours of the behaviour of the klowers of Gamkaskloof. He wondered how his mother was faring, alone in their cottage at the end of the valley. He already pined for the place and the person. 2. The sights and sounds of over six hundred boys and girls in the hall that Monday morning were overwhelming for Falk. He did not know that this was a special day, the day the boys’ and girls’ schools joined together in assembly for the first time. The behaviour was excessive, with individuals from both sexes striving to be noticed, freed of the artificial barriers that had been placed in their way by their previous single-sex schools. In a way, Falk was emulating them, pushing through the throng to find Isa. He saw her some way off, but the assembly was called to order before he could get to her. There was a loud ringing of a bell by one of the teachers on the stage and a hush fell over the large room. The teacher used the microphone on the stage to address them; Falk was astounded at the magnification of sound emanating from the object the man was holding. “Boys and girls. Let us first honour our country.” The piano on the stage led the first ever rendering of the national anthem that Falk had heard. The singing was in unison and hearty. Falk liked it, and vowed to learn the words as soon as he could. He did not yet know that it would be sung every day that assembly was held, and that it had special significance to the citizens of Oudtshoorn, for the composer of “Die Stem” was C.J. Langenhoven, born and raised in the town. When calm returned to the hall, the teacher at the microphone continued. “And now we will have our first ever address as a combined school. I announce Meneer Malherbe Coetzee, our Headmaster.” The man who came forward had no stature from his size, but Falk could see from the way he walked and held himself that he assumed stature from his position. He was not a prepossessing individual, being small, bald and with a neatly trimmed goatee. Falk would hear later that because they could not decide between the Headmaster of the boys’ school and the Headmistress of the girls’ school, they had chosen an outsider, a man from Ermelo. They would suffer the man for nearly two terms; suffer his draconian rules and his hatred of English-speakers, before the school board replaced him. The boy from Die Hel, who hardly had the background to judge such a man, saw through him immediately, knew he would be a tyrant and a bully; even the name - the use of two surnames to give the impression of solemnity - even that alerted Falk to the sham to come. “Dames en seuns,” he began in Afrikaans, “this is an historic day. This day you will all remember because it is today that a great school is born, a school that will follow the precepts of our national education philosophy to the full, embracing the great Calvinist traditions of our country and our church.” The voice was powerful and deep, but the words were nonsensical and pompous and Falk soon stopped listening. He caught Isa’s eye and she shrugged and pulled a face. Falk watched the teachers on the stage, trying to discern those who also found the address to be tedious, and saw that both Helen de Jager and Pauline Augustine looked bored, as did quite a few others, yet some seemed to hang on to every word, one of them Botha. Falk knew there would be many clashes with the fat teacher. After the oration from the Headmaster the same teacher who had started proceedings returned to the microphone. “Right boys and girls, it is time for us to organise the classes for the new term.” He proceeded to tell them the assembly point for each standard, where the head teacher for that standard would read out the class names. The standard 8s were to assemble in the quadrangle outside the hall. Released from the constraints of assembly, the great hubbub recommenced as the pupils made their way to their respective assembly points. This time Falk was able to get to Isa, and the two of them made their way together to the quadrangle. Isa’s eyes were flashing with excitement. “Isn’t this wonderful Falkie?” “What, this crowd?” “No, yes,” she laughed. “I mean everything.” “Well, the Headmaster’s speech wasn’t that great.” “True, but everything else has been so exciting.” He had not had such a great weekend, had in fact disliked nearly everything that had happened to him, but did not want to spoil her enjoyment. “How is your hostel, Isa?” “Oh, just splendid. I’ve already made friends and the beds are so comfy, I can’t get over it. Oh, and the food Falkie! I’ve never eaten such nice food.” He was a little ashamed that he had been thinking negative thoughts, because he too had found both the comfort of the beds and the quantity and variety of food an improvement over what he was used to. Maybe he should be looking for the positives. They had reached their assembly point and their attention focused on the pupils around them - their new classmates - and the teacher who stood on the verandah above them, waiting to proceed. Falk judged him to be in his late thirties, an athletic looking man with an open, friendly face and a confident manner. “C’mon kids, let’s get the show on the road.” There was an immediate cessation of noise and Falk realised that this teacher was well known and respected. “I see some new faces here, so let me introduce myself. I am Jan Robertse, master in charge of the Standard 8s. My teaching subject is Geography. More importantly, to the boys at least, I am the under 16s rugby coach.” That elicited a laugh. Falk had wondered about sport, and this man’s open approach was attractive to him; he would see about playing rugby when it started in the second term. “I’m going to read out the list of names for each class and those pupils must then go to the classroom indicated where the teacher designated to that class will get all your details and will give you your first term timetables. I’ll end with the Standard 8A’s because that’s my class. “So, first, the Standard 8B class, in alphabetical order … “ Falk was neither in that class nor the 8C class, which was where Isa was selected. She gave him a smile and wave as she went with her group. He was starting to get anxious, why would he be in the 8A class and Isa in the 8C class? When Robertse went past the Bs and his name had not been called, he had had a premonition that this was going to be one of the worst days of his life. Robertse completed the list and started to move off with his class. “Meneer,” Falk called out, stopping him. “Yes?” “Meneer, my name wasn’t called out.” “What’s your name?” “Baartman, Falk Baartman.” Robertse scrutinised his lists. “Yes, your name’s not here. What school did you go to before coming here?” “I was at the Gamkaskloof School.” Robertse gave him a look of surprise, and then said gently, anticipating the boys’ disappointment, “They might have put you in Standard 7.” “Why would they do that, Meneer? Isa Erasmus and I are both from the Gamkaskloof School and she was put in the 8C class.” “I don’t know. Come with me, I’ll take you to the teacher in charge of the Standard 7s.” There was no discussion between the two of them as they made their way through the passages. Robertse stopped at the door of a classroom. “Wait here Baartman, I won’t be long,” and he entered the classroom and closed the door behind him. Falk stood alone in the empty passage, trying to calm himself. It was not a short wait, or at least it seemed that way. Robertse came out with a woman. Even in his anxious state, Falk saw that she was a good looking woman, quite young, dark hair and, most importantly, a sympathetic eye for him. Robertse nodded to him and left. “Hello Falk, I’m Mrs Wilkins.” “Good morning, ma’am.” “I’m sorry about the mix-up; that you weren’t told before school started.” “Am I in Standard 7, ma’am?” “Yes, you are in Standard 7A, my class. I’m also to be your English teacher.” “But why? I’ve done Standard 7. Isa Erasmus and I were in Standard 7 together last year, and she has been placed in Standard 8. We both passed Standard 7 with the same sort of marks. I turn sixteen at the end of this year.” “I don’t know exactly, Falk, and I’ll find out when I have a free period later today. I suspect it’s because Isa has a bursary.” “Why would that make a difference?” “As I said, I’m not sure. I don’t want to speculate and I’ll find out later. In the meantime, you must come back into this classroom with me. This is the Standard 7A classroom. You must try to overcome your disappointment and pay attention, Falk, because this might be your class for this whole year and you don’t want to start off with these classmates of yours on the wrong foot. Don’t let them think they are beneath you.” She waited for his reaction but he was too stunned to reply. “Okay, come on now, buck up boy.” Falk could not follow her advice and he remained miserable for the day, unable to break free of his self-pity. In the fourth period he was called out of the classroom and told to report to the office. He found Mrs Wilkins there, waiting outside the Headmaster’s office. “We are seeing the Headmaster about this matter Falk. You must remain respectful when you speak to him.” “Why?” “You see. He will not take kindly to being questioned like that, Falk. That might be alright with me, but not with him. Do you understand?” “Yes, ma’am, I heard his speech this morning. I know the kind of person he is.” Odette Wilkins had her first indication that this was a special boy and that they were doing him a grave injustice. Coetzee did not get up for Mrs Wilkins. He looked a little ridiculous, his small frame behind the large desk. “Come, sit here boy. You sit there, mevrou.” They both sat where indicated, obeying the puppet master. “Now what’s this nonsense?” Falk looked to Mrs Wilkins and she nodded for him to reply. “Meneer, I have been placed incorrectly in Standard 7. I have already completed Standard 7 in my last school and I turn sixteen this year.” “What school was that?” “I was at the Gamkaskloof School, meneer.” “In Die Hel? They have a school down in that place?” “Yes, meneer, we have a school in Gamkaskloof, a good school.” “Don’t talk nonsense boy. How many pupils did you have?” “Normally about thirty.” “In the whole school? How can that be a good school?” Falk remained silent, totally alienated by the man’s abrupt and rude dismissal of his school. “I think you will need to repeat Standard 7, boy. You will be behind, coming from a school like that.” “But Isa Erasmus and I were at the school together, meneer, and she has been placed in Standard 8.” Coetzee looked to the woman teacher for an explanation. “Isa Erasmus and Falk were together at Gamkaskloof School, Meneer Coetzee, and they both received excellent grades. Isa has been placed in 8C. She is a bursary student.” “There you have it,” he exclaimed triumphantly, “She’s a bursary student. We can’t waste bursary money keeping a child back. Now, I’m busy. Is that all?” Falk was not going to be dismissed as lightly as that. “We had a teacher at Gamkaskloof who came from this school, meneer. It was he who got us admitted to the school and the hostel because he believed we were good students. He got Isa the bursary because her parents couldn’t afford to send her. Please will you contact Mister Weiss and ask him about us.” “Weiss, is that the name? Is he a Jew?” “I don’t know, meneer, he never said.” “And I suppose he speaks English. An English-speaking Jew, and I must ask his advice?” Falk was stunned by the racist attack and he looked to Mrs Wilkins and saw she was equally nonplussed. “Come on now, we are finished. You will stay in Standard 7, boy. Dismissed.” Tess Baartman came to Oudtshoorn the next day, after receiving a phone call from the Housemistress of Falk’s hostel. She had no appointment and had to wait almost an hour before Coetzee’s secretary let her into his office; the secretary had been uneasy and kept apologising for her superior, citing his heavy workload as the reason for his rudeness, but when she went into the office the desk was clear, only his writing instruments visible, lined up like soldiers on the polished wood. He did not stand to greet her. “I see you do not stand for elderly women, meneer.” He reddened, but chose to ignore the comment so she took a seat of her choice, after waiting an embarrassing moment. “What is your business, mevrou?” “I’m sure your secretary informed you of the reason for my visit. I am Tess Baartman. You might not know my family, meneer, coming from the Transvaal, but we are very well known in the Great Karoo, where we have extensive agricultural interests in the Prince Albert district.” She realised immediately that it was the wrong approach for him. “Your family is irrelevant, mevrou. We are a school and all pupils will be treated equally. We do not give favour to one over another.” She very much doubted that, for his bigotry towards Steven Weiss had been conveyed to her by Helen de Jager. “I’m here about my relative, Falk, meneer, the grandson of my brother. I want to know why he has been kept down a year.” “What qualifications do you have to decide the fitness of a child?” “What qualifications do I need? This is a brilliant boy who reached the Standard 7 level two years early and basically spent his last year teaching other children. I should tell you I thought long and hard about educating him in Europe, in Germany or Holland possibly.” He did not like to be bested and fell back on an attack. “I suppose you wanted to send the boy overseas because he looks like a Coloured, mevrou?” Her blood ran cold. It was the little men like these who were the fanatics; little men with monumental inferiority complexes. The Adolf Eichmann’s of Apartheid. She would have to be very careful that he did not conduct a witch hunt into their background. A power play would be best, she decided. It would alienate him but also give him pause. “That is a dangerous statement, Meneer Coetzee. My family has a proud history; my father fought under De la Rey and he was one of the Boers chosen to conduct the peace negotiations with the British. Where was your Grandfather when we fought the English, meneer?” “That is irrelevant.” “I don’t think so, meneer, not if we are comparing the blood lines of our families. Our heritage is important and it is something to fight for. So I’m interested in your blood line. Was your grandfather a patriot?” “Yes, of course he was. Anyway, mevrou, we have finished our discussion. You are not an expert on these matters and I am. Your relative went to an inferior school and he is not ready for Standard 8. We will watch his progress, of course, as we do for all the pupils, no special conditions for one over the other, and if he shows exceptional promise we will promote him. But I very much doubt that will happen.” She stayed in the town that night, for she needed to see the head of the School Board, a man she knew from her civic role in Prince Albert, and the Chairman of the Parent Teachers’ Association, to whom she was introduced by Odette Wilkins. Tess was not surprised to hear that, even after only two days of the school term, she was not the first to level complaints against the new Headmaster. It was three weeks later that Mrs Wilkins brought Falk the news. “You are to be promoted to Standard 8 Falk, to 8C, with your friend Isa Erasmus.” She took great delight in his reaction for she too had been bruised by the anti-English sentiments of the Headmaster, and she had seen the quality of this boy in the few weeks she had worked with him. “Thank you so much, Missus Wilkins.” “Don’t thank me, thank your great-aunt. Anyway, according to this document, you were placed in the wrong year because of an ‘administrative error’. It is best we stick to that story, Falk, no use making more waves; you and I and your Aunt Tess know the real reason, and that should be good enough for us.” “I’m sorry I won’t have you for a teacher, Missus Wilkins.” “Don’t be sorry, I’m also the English teacher for Standard 8C.” 3. The only negative of Falk’s move into standard 8 was that he lost his bed by the window; the class move also meant a dormitory move, to the room occupied by the standard 8 and 9s. He went from being the oldest boy in the dormitory to one of the youngest, and the lowest on the pecking order for bed locations. That was in the days before he proved on the rugby fields that youngest did not mean weakest. But in the classroom, the move was a joyous one. If he had apprehensions about making his way among a new group, who might match or exceed his abilities, they were soon dispelled and the one who smoothed his way was Isa. Isa Erasmus had become the darling of standard 8C in less than a month, liked by all for different reasons, for she had beauty and brains, but mostly liked for her charming naivety. She had decided that she could not hide her lack of knowledge, so she made fun of herself. Falk observed this in her on the first day he was in the classroom, and adopted a similar stance, happy to move away from his former behaviour where it seemed, as the oldest boy in his class, he had to maintain a dignified position, even when confronted with new things and concepts. Isa’s mirthful humility was much more fun. By the second term, Falk and Isa had regained the position they had held at the little school in the valley; they were regarded as the brainiest in the class, particularly when in an English class Falk stood up and recited the whole of Yeats’ poem The Song of Wandering Aengus. Odette Wilkins had tears in her eyes. “How did you know that’s one of my favourite poems?” “Well, I didn’t ma’am, but I’m glad it is because it’s also one of mine. We were lucky, Isa and I. Mr Weiss, who taught us in the valley, had two favourite poets, Yeats and Eliot, and we made a study of them.” “Do you know what the poem means, Falk?” “Yes, I think so. At the end, you know, when he is talking about the silver apples of the moon and the golden apples of the sun, the apples are obviously from the tree in the Garden of Eden, and the moon symbolises imagination and the sun intellect.” The teacher could only shake her head, for she had interpreted the poem more literally, moved by the beauty of the words without examining the inner meaning too closely. The two blue-eyed geniuses had their eyes fixed on loftier targets, promotion to the top class in standard 8, and the key to entry of the top class was the mid-year exams. That second term of 1963 introduced the two loves which were to be the reason why the short period of his high school years were so successful and joyful: academic achievement and rugby. There was a third, which involved girls, but that was about a year away. The studying he did for the mid-year exams set the pattern for his behaviour for the rest of his life. When things challenged him, he went at it as if his life depended on it. Later the challenges, at least during his school years, became less, but the behavioural paradigm was there and was maintained. They both did very well in the mid-year exams, with average marks which placed them in the top ten in the standard, but they had to wait for the third term before they were promoted because a nasty battle to dislodge Malherbe Coetzee was taking place, and he would not have approved the move. He blamed many people for his demise, amongst them Tess Baartman, and if there was one quality he totally lacked, it was fairness. But even before they wrote the exam,s it had become less pressing to Falk that the promotion to the top class take place immediately. He discovered rugby, and it became his number one priority. Jan Robertse asked him to stay after the Geography class. “Have you played rugby, Baartman?” “No meneer, we did not play games in the valley. Most of us worked on our parents’ farms after school and there was no time for games.” “That’s a pity, because you have the build for rugby. But it doesn’t matter, you can begin now. I’m starting preparation for the season, a training programme to make the boys fit and tough before the season starts. It’s mostly the boys from last year, but I’m looking for new talent. We’re meeting for the first session on the ‘B’ field this afternoon at five. I expect to see you there.” Falk was given no choice, but he didn’t mind as he’d been thinking about the sport and thought he might enjoy it. But he knew nothing of the kit requirements. “What do I need to wear, meneer?” “Have you no sports kit?” “No.” “No boots or rugby jersey and shorts?” “No, meneer, I have only our school clothes and shoes. I can buy those things, but only on the weekend.” “Well, come as you are then, but no shoes, you can go barefoot until the rugby actually starts. You can walk barefoot can’t you?” Falk saw the humour in that and laughed. “I never wore shoes until I came here, Meneer Robertse. It was much more comfortable than these hard shoes.” There was quite a crowd on the ‘B’ field that Wednesday afternoon, over thirty Falk estimated. Meneer Robertse had them all sit on the lower tier of the stand while he stood on the field before them. “Well, welcome boys, this is a nice turnout, but we need many more. We will be fielding at least two under-16 teams this year. Now, some of you were with me last year and you know my coaching methods, the rest of you will learn. Some of you might fall away, because we take our rugby very seriously in this school. We like to get fit and hard and win games. “For the next three weeks we will not touch a rugby ball. We train here every Monday and Wednesday, and on Friday we train in the gym. The main purpose of the field training is to get you fit; the gym training is to build muscle. “Some of you, like Baartman over there, have never played rugby before. I will be watching your training and assessing the best position for you, but it might be that we will only find the best position after trying out one or two. “Now, no more talking. Round the field three times. Off you go.” That afternoon they did numerous exercises after the initial run; situps, press ups, lunges, squats and a dozen or so more to stretch the ligaments and build flexibility, and they ended with sprints from the try-line to the 25-yard line. Falk thought he coped well, until he woke the next morning with muscles sore and stiff. He had been surprised how competitive he’d wanted to be the day before; other than the fight with Prinsloo, he’d never had to measure himself against others in physical contest and had thought of playing sport as merely a matter of having fun. But that wasn’t the case; he wanted to be better than the others and liked the idea of pushing his body to the peak of its ability. It was a new feeling for him, and one that filled him with excitement so that he looked forward to the gym session on the Friday. By the end of the three-week initial training, Falk had achieved quite a few firsts; fastest in the sprints, most number of chin-ups, the only boy who could bench-press his body weight. But he knew he was going to be clueless when it came to playing the game, so he really pushed himself when skills training was introduced. They started by tackling rolled up gym mats, which stood just over four feet tall and weighed around sixty pounds. The first time Falk tackled the mat, he nearly dislocated his shoulder. Robertse laughed at his discomfort. The next time he used the technique, the coach showed him, bunching the shoulder before impact so that all his weight went into the contact point. The mat flew backward and he knew this was what he was going to enjoy most; he was going to be the best tackler on the rugby field. Robertse had watched Falk closely and was gratified to find that his premonition that the boy could be a fine rugby player was working out. Falk was fast and strong and had no fear in the tackle situation; in fact, he seemed to relish the physical contact. He decided to start him out on the flank. The training started to include dummy runs without opposition, graduating to contests between two sets of scrums, and two sets of backlines, until finally they played the complete game, but never for more than a half hour and as part of the training regime. So, the first real game was eagerly anticipated. It was an internal game, the under-16’s playing against the third and fourth open teams. Falk was disappointed to find himself in the under 16B side, but he had no real gripe as he was very raw in technique. He was not to know that his coach was deliberately keeping him down until he had mastered the basics of the game. Robertse knew that the routines he was instilling in Falk would be better learned when he had weaker opposition. The game was held on the school fields on a Saturday morning, and was well attended, with nearly all the boarders present and many of the day scholars. Falk noticed Isa in the stands and she gave him a cheery wave. Isa had been quizzing him about his rugby experience; a little grudgingly, for it was something they could not share. She had felt in him the excitement and was keen to see him in action; keen to see what he saw in the game. Falk had scrutinised the team sheets that had been posted on the school boards, and there were one or two boys who had been particularly nasty to him in the first weeks when he was in the junior dorm. One in particular, Martin van Blommenstein, a matric scholar, was playing centre. He was surprised also to see Michael Johnson down to play for the fourth team as No. 8; he would have expected a house prefect to be in the first team. He vowed to save his best tackles for those two. The under-16s won the toss and elected to kick-off. Robertse had instructed the fly half to kick deep if they won the toss, deep but not over the 25, so that they could mark the ball, and he had instructed Falk and the right wing, the two fastest boys, to get to the ball first if possible. The ball sailed high and Falk went charging towards where it would land, and there stood Martin Johnson, waiting to catch it. A better opportunity Falk would not get, and he timed his run to perfection so that he was horizontal when Johnson bagged the ball. It was just like the rolled gym mats; Johnson was propelled backwards off his feet and thumped into the ground, losing the ball. Falk leaped to his feet, scooped the ball up and made another five or six yards, before he was brought to ground; but he managed to turn his body so that the ball was retained by his team. The under-16s surged down the field and the movement ended just yards short of the try-line, almost a perfect start. By half-time, the younger boys were marginally in the lead and Falk had still not bagged Van Blommenstein, but by then the fourth team backline had one eye on the ball and the other on Falk, and many a mistake had been made in avoidance of his crushing tackles. On the side-lines, all of the talk was of this new boy who threw himself into tackles with no consideration for his personal safety. Falk finally managed to catch Van Blommenstein early in the second half. The centre threw a dummy pass and cut through the line, and seemed clear with only the full back to beat when Falk caught him from behind. It was not as satisfactory as the tackle on Johnson, but it was enough, the nastiness had been returned. When the fulltime whistle went, the under-16s had won the match 13-6: three tries, two converted, to a try and a penalty. Falk had experienced his first success on the rugby field, a feat which he was to repeat many times but never with more delight than that first victory and those first tackles. Isa sat on the stands, a little numb at what she had witnessed. She remembered very well the incident at the stream crossing, when Falk had beaten Prinsloo and she had seen then his courage and tenacity, but that was a special case, when he was fighting to stop them being badly hurt. This was a game, and yet the same characteristics had marked his approach. For the last few years, Isa been ambivalent about her feelings towards Falk; he was her best friend, her protector, her co-worker and yet he was more. She was aware of the appeal she had to the boys in the school, yet she could not think of Falk in those terms, not romantic love, rather the love for a brother, and she was quite sure he felt the same. Yet that day she had seen a rival to their platonic love, and she was jealous. And that felt wrong somehow. As confusing as these contradictions were, they were of little moment compared to the deep unease she had felt since the July holiday break. Isa had been shocked when she went home into the valley for the half-year holidays, shocked at the lack of ambition and industry of her family. It was simply amazing how a mere five months of living outside the valley had totally changed her outlook on life. And she had not been able to discuss the matter with anyone in the valley, for they would not have understood her. Even Falk would have been only slightly compassionate to her outpourings, for he could be a recluse at times, and found much to be admired in the simple life; anyway, he had been in Prince Albert for the holidays, meeting his promise to his aunt. She would not go back into the valley, not ever. As young as she was, she had the confidence and the resourcefulness to tough it out. She had it all planned; she would get a holiday job at the end of the year; they would hire 16-year olds at the supermarket and the restaurants. She needed to find somewhere to stay, with one of her friends or perhaps even in the hostel, if she offered her services for maintenance or any other chores. And after that? Isa knew she had to get a bursary, had already started to research what was available to ensure she qualified. The end goal she had already decided: she would study Law at Stellenbosch University and practise in Cape Town. In this scenario, boys had only a passing usefulness. Not for her an early marriage because of an unwanted pregnancy or the subjugation of her will to that of a man. Caught in the reverie of her thoughts, she had not noticed that the stands had emptied and she was alone, and to her embarrassment Falk was standing below her, contemplating her daydreaming with a smile of knowledge on his handsome face. “Where did that brain take you Isa? Not the valley, I bet.” She recovered quickly. “No, never. You played very nicely.” “Is that a word for rugby?” “I suppose not. You were fierce. Is that better?” “Much. Come on then, I’ll walk you back to your hostel.” “All smelly like that? Well, okay, I guess it won’t do me any harm, being with the hero of the day.” Once she had that thought in her head she watched to see the attention he received and noticed the way heads turned to follow their progress; two bright kids with the world at their feet. 4. The much anticipated clash with Meneer Botha, the Afrikaans teacher, came to a head in the first term of Falk’s standard 9 year, and it was to prove to be an experience which built his character and destroyed Botha’s career. Falk had been made a hostel prefect at the beginning of the year. It was unusual for a standard 9 pupil to be made a prefect, but it was not without precedent. The qualifications for prefects had always been clear; academic or sporting excellence, preferably both, and proven leadership qualities. The first two achievements were abundantly clear in Falk. The leadership issue was more difficult, for he did not seek popularity and could be a loner, but his teachers and coaches had seen his moral leadership and decisiveness and that was enough. Amongst his duties was to supervise the junior dorm, and his bed was in a cubicle attached to the dorm. He would make sure all the boys were in bed at lights out and for that task he and the three other hostel prefects would take it in turns to make sure the downstairs rooms were secured, lights out and the front door locked. Falk liked to do a turn downstairs, half an hour before final lights out, and then check the dorms to see that all were present, before a final visit to lock the front door. It was a Tuesday night in March, still warm at nine in the evening, warm enough not to have to wear shoes, and he moved silently through the downstairs passages, down the wing of the masters rooms, past the kitchen, laundry room and dining room and finally the prep room. No light shone under the door, but he always checked inside anyway. He was stopped in the act of opening the door by a noise from within. It had sounded like an inhalation of breath, deep and sharp. He listened, but there was nothing further. Falk opened the door and heard sudden movement, shuffling noises. There was someone in the large room and he felt a spike of anxiety. Something was wrong. The light switch, which he knew from the many times he had switched these lights off, was suddenly illusive. Then his hand found it and he snapped the switch downwards. They were right at the back of the prep classroom, Meneer Botha and Mickey Louw, one of the standard 6s, one of his three skivvies. Both were standing, and the teacher seemed to be fumbling with his pants. Then he left them alone and faced Falk, his face showing outrage. That was not the expression on Mickey’s face. He looked terrified, and then looked down, unable to meet Falk’s searching look. Botha spoke first. “How dare you enter without knocking? I was counselling this boy.” Falk was shocked into inaction, unable even to reply. Surely Botha had been abusing the boy? “I asked you a question, Baartman.” Falk found his voice. “In the dark, meneer?” “Yes, in the dark. That’s the normal method when a boy needs counselling, it gives them reassurance. Besides, we had light from the outside stoep. You wouldn’t know about these things, Baartman.” Botha was trying to take control, but his voice was strained, not normal. “Now run along, Louw, it’s bedtime for you.” The boy moved the moment that command released him, almost running, and he would not look at Falk as he passed him at the door. Botha followed at a more leisurely pace, but he was pretending nonchalance. Falk was thinking furiously what he should do, and when Botha reached him he was still not sure, but he stopped the teacher from leaving the room, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back. “How dare you lay a hand on me?” The two were of a height and Falk stared into the teacher’s face, trying to get a clue from his expression, not relaxing his grip on the man’s arm. “Let me go dammit.” “What were you doing to that boy, meneer?” “You do not question a teacher, Baartman. You are an impertinent troublemaker. I knew it the day I found you in the teachers’ garden. Now take your hand off me.” Falk remained uncertain. Could there be an innocent explanation? It was beyond his range of experience and he suddenly felt uncertain and released the fat man. Botha shrugged the arm that had been held, glared at Falk and left. Falk stood at the doorway, his mind in turmoil. He heard the heavy footfalls as Botha walked down the passageway, then the opening and closing of the door to the teacher’s rooms, and then silence. An accusatory silence; why hadn’t he been decisive, why hadn’t he immediately marched Botha to the Housemaster’s rooms? He stood for a long time in that position, until his heart returned to normal. The pulse might have returned to normal, but his thoughts could not. The possibility that a teacher was abusing a boy was horrific. Mickey’s expression would haunt him that night. Falk went about the rest of his nightly chores like an automaton, switching off all the lights and locking the front door. In the junior dorm he checked that all were in their beds. Some were still reading, one or two talking, but Louw had his blanket pulled over his head and lay silent under the covers. “Okay boys, lights out. Stop talking now.” He couldn’t sleep, the little tableau at the back of the prep room playing through his head repeatedly. He tried to slow the memory down, check Botha’s arm actions. The teacher was definitely doing something to his trousers, but would he have had enough time to make a major adjustment? Falk did not think so and that added to his confusion about what had happened and what he was to do. In a way, it was a similar dilemma to the incident with Isa and Danie Prinsloo, yet there was one radical difference. Mickey Louw was the one who needed to be protected; he was the victim and naming him would make him more of a victim. That ruled out going to the De Jager’s to report the incident. Even if he reported it to Helen de Jager, who would be more compassionate towards Mickey, the boy’s name, and his shame, would become common knowledge. He got up frequently and paced the dorm in stockinged feet, silently. Most of the boys were making some sort of sleep noise, but there was no noise coming from under the bedclothes on Mickey’s bed. Falk had no doubt there was one other who did not sleep in the dorm that night. In the end, he could make only one decision, the first step; he needed to talk to Mickey and he gave consideration to where that conversation should take place. Mickey’s skivvy duties to Falk were to make his bed, mark his washing for the laundry and clean his shoes and rugby boots, so there would be a chance to talk to him while he was in the cubicle the next morning. Falk discarded that possibility. It would be too rushed, and Mickey would be expecting questions and would have worked out a way to avoid them. The second possibility would be to ask him to come to the prefect’s study, but the chances that one of his fellow prefects would be in the room were too high. He decided to tackle him in the half-an-hour between the end of lunch and the first prep session. With that weighty matter on his mind, Falk’s attention was not on his classes. Only Isa noticed, and he fobbed off her questions of concern. It was a relief when he finally approached Mickey and asked him to go with him for a chat. Falk took the boy to the sports fields and sat him down on one of the stands situated under the Jacaranda trees and sat next to him. He had considered his approach carefully. “I know you didn’t sleep last night, Mickey. I walked past your bed many times and I heard no noise. Are you okay today?” “No, I did sleep, sir.” Falk wished they did not have the traditional relationship between prefect and skivvy, which obliged the boy to be obsequious. “Really, well I didn’t. I could not help thinking about what that man had been doing to you.” He waited for Mickey to take that opening but the boy said nothing. He guessed that the boy’s principal concern was probably exposure. “Mickey, listen to me; I’m never going to tell anyone your name. You can stop him doing those things to you if you tell me about it. No-one but you and I will know.” “What will you do?” “I’ll speak to Botha, Mickey. I’ll make sure he doesn’t harm you again.” “But how, sir? He’s a teacher.” “Is that how it happened, Mickey? Did he bully you into doing it?” “I don’t want to say.” “You can’t put a stop to it unless you tell someone.” He let the boy work it out. When he did start talking, his voice was faint and he would not look at Falk. “He caught me and another boy in the toilets. We weren’t doing anything bad, I promise you. It was just a game, like just doing something new.” Falk suddenly wished he had did not have to hear the tale, wished he had not been walking past the prep room the previous evening. But he was into it now and had to finish. “Was it an older boy?” “No, it was another Standard 6 boy.” “You don’t have to tell me his name, Mickey, but you can tell him we’ve had this chat and that I will do something about it. But you need to tell me what happened next.” “He told both of us that there was no shame in doing what we did, and that he liked that as well. Then, after prep last night, he asked me to stay behind. I knew what he was going to do but I couldn’t say no to him because of the other thing.” Falk was alienated by the knowledge of their behaviour, but he was not going to condemn that behaviour, at least not between the two boys. A grown man extorting a thirteen-year-old was another matter completely. “You were in there for more than an hour before I came along Mickey. What did he do with you?” “I don’t want to say, sir.” “I think you have to, Mickey. I have to be sure before I can do something about it. I’m sure you understand that. I can’t tackle the man until I’m sure he did wrong.” “He talked to me for a long time, then he touched me and played with me for a while and then he asked me to do things to him.” “Okay that’s enough. You don’t need to tell me more.” Falk thought it through, sitting so quietly that Mickey finally looked up and peered into the older boy’s face. “What will you do?” “I’m not sure Mickey, not sure how best to make sure he never does this again, to you or any other boy. But one thing’s for sure, your name won’t come into it, Mickey, you can be certain of that.” “Thank you, sir.” “Okay you can go off to prep now, Mickey. But I have to tell you to be careful, you and that other boy. If it was just a game, then don’t do it again. Be careful because life will be hell if the two of you get caught by other boys. You understand that ,don’t you?” “Yes sir, and thank you, sir.” Falk watched him walk down the stands and out of his sight. There seemed to be more of a spring in his step. At least Falk hoped that was what he was seeing, that maybe Mickey Louw had rid himself of some of his demons. It took Falk three days before he decided on a course of action and even when he had a path ahead he still wondered why he was making it his problem. Why this sense of responsibility for a boy he did not know well? He always answered that challenge by reminding himself of the look of terror on Mickey’s face in the prep room and his disgust at the depraved actions of the teacher; a fat arrogant bigot and a young and vulnerable mind. He couldn’t ignore it. He approached Botha in the same prep room. The teacher had been in charge of evening prep and had stayed to work at the top desk of the room. Falk walked in and closed the door behind him. Botha looked up at the intrusion and his eyes showed fright when he saw who it was, but he quickly reverted to his usual bullying manner. “What do you want, Baartman?” “I need to talk to you.” “I have nothing to say to you. I’m not one of your teachers, so you have no business with me. Now get out, I’ve got work to do.” “Put it away, meneer, we need to talk about what you were doing to one of the boys the other night.” Botha started to pack his papers away, stacking them and placing them in his satchel. Falk realised the teacher was going to walk out of the room. It was not what he had expected. He had thought Botha would want to talk out of a sense of self-preservation. How could he stop him? Without further thought, Falk walked to the desk and slammed his hand down on top of Botha’s, putting a stop to his actions of packing away his papers. The touch of his hand on Botha’s filled him with revulsion. Where had that hand been? “Who the vok do you think you are?” Botha’s use of the swearword encouraged Falk. At least he had thrown the man off his stride. Now maybe he’d listen. “I will talk to you meneer, and you will listen.” “Yes, get it over with then, and afterwards you can come to the Housemaster with me.” “I don’t think so; I’m not a Standard 6 that you can threaten. Get real Meneer Botha; you sexually abused a thirteen-year-old boy. Did you think I’d let you get away with that?” “You talk shit. I was counselling that boy. I caught him and another boy in the toilet. It was disgusting. I was trying to help the boy, help him get over his depraved nature.” Falk was discouraged by the man’s denial. How could he reason with someone who would not accept the first premise? He decided to deliver his message and leave. “I want you to resign, meneer. You must do this within a week, by next Friday. If you resign, I will do nothing further, even though I know you’ll go to another school and might do it again. I can’t stop that unfortunately, but I can stop you abusing young boys in this school. “It’s very simple meneer. Resign, and you can put this behind you. Stay and I will do something about it.” “Kak, what can you do?” “I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know yet. But I can promise you it will be a lot worse than you resigning. Take my advice; resign and go. Try to put this behind you and mend your ways.” “I say again, what can you do?” Falk left then, left with the ugly image of the sneering face. He wished he was optimistic that Botha would take his advice, but he feared he would have to do something more drastic. Falk waited in the car park of the Queen’s Hotel. It was nearly closing time in the pub of the hotel, the place where Falk had discovered Botha came every Wednesday night. He had decided on this course of action when Botha had not resigned. It was drastic that he was prepared to beat a grown man, but he could find no other solution which had the possibility of success and which would not expose Mickey Louw. Well, he wasn’t really sure of the success. Perhaps the man was physically brave, he might even put up a real fight; Falk knew some fat boys who had great strength, one of them played front rank for the first team. He knew the mission was fraught with danger, and he might not even get over the first hurdle, which was that Botha had to be alone when he left the hotel; that at least seemed possible for there were only three cars in the car park and some were surely people staying overnight. Finally, some men came out of the pub door. Falk’s heart dropped, for there were two of them. He stayed in the deep shade of the bushes next to the car park and watched them approach. One was Botha. The men called farewells to each other and the other man got into his car and left. It seemed that Botha would do the same, and then he paused at the door of his car and seemed to make up his mind about something and walked away from the car, walked towards the bushes where Falk stood. The decision was a simple one, whether to urinate in the car park or wait until he returned to his rooms. The car park won, and he stood not ten metres away from Falk, close enough that the pungent smell of beer-laden urine filled the air. Falk was disgusted that he was about to touch this man. He called out to him when he had finished. “Botha.” The teacher peered into the bushes. “Vok, is dit jy, Baartman?” Falk had already decided that he would say nothing once he had the man’s attention. He had tried to reason with him before without success, and now he had to do this next thing and he would do it without words, only action. He came out of the bushes and advanced on his prey. Botha was sufficiently sober to see that it was a serious matter. “Don’t do it, Baartman. Stay away from me now.” Falk was not skilled at boxing, but he had motivation and strength. The first blow missed its target, the man’s face, but landed on the neck and rendered Botha incapable of further talk. Every blow that Falk struck after that was measured and met with no resistance, until the fat man eventually collapsed against his car and could not get up. He had been hit at least a dozen times, most of the blows doing damage to his face. Falk walked back to the hostel through the quiet and empty streets. He was disgusted with himself, could find absolutely no solace in the likely response of Botha, which would presumably be to hand in his resignation. If Botha had fought back, perhaps landed a few blows of his own, Falk would have felt better, but the man had been almost helpless, a punch bag. There was at least some pain, his knuckles were badly skinned and burnt like fury. When he let himself into the hostel his first action was to go to the San and pour mercurochrome over his bruised hands. In his cubicle he rid himself of the tainted clothes and went through to the showers, standing in the dark for it was after lights out, reflecting on what he had done and hoping it would not leave a permanent scar on his character. It was in the History class, the third period of the next day, that Falk was asked to report to the Headmistress’s office. The Headmistress was Mevrou Heidi Fronemann, appointed after the fiasco with Malherbe Coetzee, when the parent-teachers’ body finally did the right thing and appointed the most competent of the two head teachers from the previous boys’ and girls’ schools. She was respected by all, a stern but fair middle-aged woman who had a flair for administration combined with dedication and a feel for people. Falk had never been called to the Head’s office since the first days with Coetzee, and he was filled with apprehension. What was the problem? A shiver of fear came and was discarded; it could never be Botha, never would that man take the chance of exposure. What was it then? The only person in the outer office was the secretary. She told him he could go right in, her expression giving nothing away. His fears increased tenfold when he discovered that his Housemaster Meneer De Jager was in the office with Mevrou Fronemann. De Jager spoke. “Come in Baartman, sit here.” Falk did as he was told, greeting them and receiving cursory nods in reply. He knew then that this was about Botha. Of all the likely scenarios to his action, he would never have believed this could happen. How could the man risk exposure? It could only be that he had monumental self-delusion that his story would be believed. The Headmistress opened the discussion. “Meneer Botha was assaulted in the car park of the Queens Hotel last night Falk. He was badly beaten. He says you did it.” “Yes, mevrou, I did.” They both stared at him, it was not the answer expected, and from their expressions it was also not the answer they had hoped for. A glance passed between them and Fronemann continued, “Have you any idea how serious this is, Falk?” “I think I do, mevrou.” She was still taken aback by his calmness; felt he had not really understood the seriousness of his actions. “He has laid a charge of assault with the police. We have already spoken to him and tried to get him to drop the charges and let the school handle the matter. He says he will only do that if we expel you.” Falk did not know how to respond. He was devastated that Botha had even gone to the school, let alone the police. Did the man not understand the danger of exposure? Surely, the question of Falk’s motives would be explored and that would cast suspicion on him, even if his story was believed. The threat of expulsion was horrifying. How could he tell those who believed in him the most: his mother and Aunt Tess and Isa? He needed information. “What did Meneer Botha say, mevrou?” “That’s not how it works, Falk. We’ve heard his side of the story, now we want to hear yours.” “What do you need to know?” De Jager spoke for only the second time. “This is not like you, Baartman, why did you do it?” Falk decided to tell the full story, but he could not reveal Mickey Louw’s name and he did not know if he’d be believed without the testimony of the younger boy. There was no other choice for him, once he had confessed to carrying out the beating, and the evidence had been right there from the beginning; he had seen them looking at the red mercurochrome on his hands. “I caught him molesting one of the Standard 6 boys, meneer.” He took them through the complete story, including his questioning of the boy, his subsequent attempt to get Botha to resign and finally the action in the car park. All he excluded was the name of the boy and the story of the liaison of the two standard 6s in the toilet. As he spoke, he watched their faces and saw the softening of their expressions, and he hoped he was being believed. When he had finished, they took a long time to answer, for it was a sad story for both of them, one a person dedicated to teaching young people never likes to hear: the worst deception of them all, educator turned molester. De Jager spoke first. “What was the name of the boy?” “I can’t tell you, meneer.” “You have to, Baartman. If your story is true, and I’d like to think it is because I know you, we can do nothing about it unless we can prove his actions. You could have made a mistake. There could be an innocent side to his actions in the prep room. Come on boy, surely you can see that?” “Yes, meneer, I can.” “Yet you went ahead with all of this, even beat him up. How could you do that?” “I believed the boy, meneer.” De Jager threw up his hands in frustration and the Headmistress interjected. “We will not reveal his name Falk; it will be kept inside this room.” “I’m sorry to argue with you, mevrou, but I don’t think you can do that. If you want to use this information to get rid of Meneer Botha, the boy’s name will come out.” “So you won’t tell us, even if it means you could be expelled?” “No, mevrou, I gave him my word.” “Alright Falk, I won’t press you further, although I think your desire to keep your promise is ill-advised. Is this boy worth the risk of your school career?” “I don’t know, mevrou, but I gave my word.” “Alright son, you go and sit outside. The Housemaster and I need to discuss this privately.” The waiting was five days of hell, anxiety at a level he had never experienced in his young life, and sleepless nights in which many horror scenarios attended him in the dark. On the day of the interrogation, De Jager had eventually come out of the Head’s office and told him he could go for the time being and not to discuss the matter with anyone, not even his mother, until there was resolution. It was all very well to ask him not to talk about the matter, but secrets don’t exist in schools, they are filled with speculation. Botha had disappeared and the rumours were rife and sometimes lurid; it would seem that his proclivity for young boys was known, at least in some circles. Mickey had come to Falk on the second day, the Friday. “Do they know it was me with Meneer Botha, sir?” “No, Mickey, they don’t.” “Didn’t you give them my name?” “No, I gave you my word, remember.” The young boy went away looking worried, apparently not reassured by Falk’s answer. The waiting through the weekend was the worst because his days did not have the distraction of classes. Finally on the Monday he was called to the Head’s office again. His Housemaster was again in attendance. He felt the more relaxed atmosphere the minute he entered Mevrou Fronemann’s office. This time she let Willem de Jager do the initial talking. “Mickey Louw came to see me yesterday evening, Baartman.” The tension drained out of Falk like a heavy expulsion of breath. He could only nod. “He confirmed everything you said, so there is no longer an issue with the morality of what you did.” “Thank you, meneer.” “You didn’t let me finish, Baartman. There might be no issue with your moral position, but there is a very big issue with the action you took. We can’t have pupils beating up teachers.” It seemed Falk’s relief was to be short lived. Mevrou Fronemann took over the talking. “You see Falk, in the end you were wrong not to come to us. Mickey has now done so and no-one will know it was him, only the three of us and some education officials who needed to know.” Given the tenuous position he was in, Falk did not want to argue, but he knew that Mickey’s story would have received a sceptical hearing if there had not been a third person involved. “What will happen to Meneer Botha, ma’am?” “He has left the school and he will not ever be employed again by the Cape Education Department.” “What about the other provinces?” “They are all autonomous, Falk, so we can’t guarantee they will not employ him, but they have been warned. “Listen Falk, we have to take your beating up of Meneer Botha seriously. On the positive side, your actions have exposed a paedophile and most probably saved many young boys from being abused and maybe even having their lives ruined. We admire what you did, the way you questioned young Louw and the way you tried to leave his name out and at the same time get Botha to leave the school. Those were admirable things. “But in the end, you went about it the wrong way. If he had resigned he would just have gone to another school and might have done it again, and as for beating him up … well that turns my blood cold.” Falk could not agree with them, for they had let Botha off without sufficient punishment. They had not reported him to the police, obviously to protect the name of the boy, but was that not what he had done? The same motives he had in not coming to the school authorities? However he was in no position to argue and he remained silent and did not defend himself. The Headmistress continued. “We have no real means of punishing you, Falk, because whatever we did would lead to speculation that you were somehow involved in Meneer Botha’s leaving the school. And we certainly don’t want anyone knowing that a boy can get away with beating a teacher. “So we are left with just this. A discussion between the three of us, a learning experience if you will. We have learnt about your character, the positive side, your loyalty to young Louw, your moral values, and the negative side, taking independent action when there was a support structure for you, taking the law into your hands. What have you learnt, Falk?” He tried to think in-between the relief he now felt, knowing he would not be punished nor have to lie to others outside the room. What had he learnt? “I’m not sure, Mevrou Fronemann. I know I was disgusted with myself for beating Meneer Botha because it seemed like the action of a bully. It made me sick to think what I had done to him, mainly because he did not defend himself. I also learnt that I could stick to promises that I had made, even though it threatened my school career.” He thought of the courage of Mickey Louw. How to characterise that? “Mickey Louw showed me that there is courage in the physically small and weak. I don’t know where he got the strength to approach Meneer De Jager. Perhaps one act of selflessness, or of loyalty, if you want to call it that, leads to another. I know that sounds like giving myself some of the credit, but where did he get that strength from?” Suddenly a picture of the previous Headmaster came to mind and he wondered what would have happened if the episode had taken place when Coetzee was in charge. He added another learning experience. “And I’ve also learnt that I can expect fair treatment from this school.” She smiled at him. “Okay, that’s enough for me, Falk. You can go now. Go, and remember that we are grateful for the final outcome of what you did, if not the method. You will go far in life, Falk, if you remember that the law is above all of us.” 5. The Botha saga gave Falk a heightened awareness of the extremes of human behaviour. It had been a few weeks of introspection, often with painful thoughts and self-revelation, and it had ended with an understanding and admiration for the values of others around him; a few weeks of observing life from the depraved to the honourable. There was another outcome that was to have a profound effect on his school days. Within a week of the meeting in which Falk learned of his reprieve, the school scuttlebutt had picked up almost the entire story of Botha’s demise. Rumour correctly had the fat teacher being fired for relationships with young boys and that he was brought down by a senior schoolboy, logically narrowed down to someone in the hostel and likely to be Falk Baartman because of his reputation of bravery to the point of foolhardiness on the rugby field. Falk denied involvement but was not believed. On a Thursday evening ,Falk was on lock-up duty and was on his last patrol of the ground floor when Pauline Augustine came in through the front door. She had obviously been out for the evening and was dressed in jeans and a cream blouse with narrow shoulder straps and a revealing neck line. She seemed a bit startled to find him in the passage way, right before her, and then recovered with a merry greeting. “Oh Falk, reliable Falk, locking us up for the night?” He realised she had been drinking, and enjoyed the mood she was in for it introduced an intimacy not normal in the relationship between teacher and pupil. It allowed him to be friendly in return. “You’ve had a good night, Miss Augustine?” “Yes, indeed I have. But I want to talk seriously to you, Falk.” She came right up to him and laid her hand on his arm. The touch was like a flame to him, a disconcerting feeling, and he looked down and saw her slim white hand on his brown arm, and in his heightened awareness he noticed the fine hairs on her arm, almost translucent. When he looked up, her face was close to his, her amber eyes fixed on him and the closeness and the aroma of her, perfume and body heat and the sweet smell of alcohol, rendered him almost breathless. “You got rid of that fat pig. I think you’re terrific, Falk. My hero.” Then she was gone, and he turned to watch her walk with confident strides down the passage to her rooms. When she had opened the door she gave him one last look and a cheerful wave. For a very long time he carried a picture of the few moments with her in his mind, the bareness of her upper body with naked arms and shoulders, the hint of breast, the beauty and liveliness of her face, the lights of the passage shining in the curls of her black hair, the scent, the parting compliment and the swing of her hips in the tight jeans. It would not leave him. The irony of his ardour for a teacher was not lost on him, but somehow it seemed in a different league to Botha’s lust for a standard 6 boy. Whether it was the lesser age difference, or the more natural relationship of male and female, he was able to feed his sexual desire without guilt. It was anyway unspoken and always would be. But it was perhaps not innocent after all, for it led to a mistake that was to change his relationship with Isa. The prefects from the two hostels met on occasions to discuss matters of mutual concern in an attempt to achieve common rules and restrictions. It was a kind of trade union which the Housemaster of Archer and Housemistress of Pinehurst were aware of and somewhat uneasy about, but so far the collective had not caused them great difficulty; on the contrary it provided them with good feedback, reminding them that their choice of prefects had been good. The prefects met on a Sunday afternoon at a coffee shop in town and afterwards strolled back as the dusk fell on the town, breaking into smaller groups as they did so. As always, Isa and Falk walked together. “Let’s go and sit in the park, Falkie, and watch the sun go down.” They broke away from the main group and walked down to the river and sat on a park bench facing north-west, where they could see the mountains and the setting sun. “Do you think about the valley much, Falkie?” “I do when it’s like this. Ma and I used to sit on the stoep and watch the sun set behind the mountains behind the river.” “You miss her, don’t you?” “Yes, but it’s more than that. I sometimes feel guilty that I have this new life and she is stuck on her own in that old cottage of ours.” “I’m sorry.” She moved closer to him and put her arm around him and pulled his head to her shoulder. It was an awkward position, but he would not change it for anything at that moment, as he welcomed her comforting gesture. But then lascivious thoughts came to him. He tried to put them from his mind, but they grew and for the first time he thought without self-censure about her as a sex object, something most boys in the school did every time they looked at her. Isa had shapely breasts, high and pointed, and they were right there, centimetres from his mouth. Without thought he lowered his head and kissed her breast through the shirt she wore, and his arms went around her and he raised his head to kiss her on the mouth. She reacted with fright, rearing her head back so that he could not kiss her. “What are you doing, Falk?” His shame knew no bounds. He had broken her trust and saw that he might never again have the kind of relationship he had enjoyed for more than a decade. “I’m so sorry, Isa.” She disentangled herself and stood up. “I’m going. Don’t follow me.” “Please stay and talk to me. Please let me try to explain.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” He stayed on the park bench long after she left. “This happened because I fantasised about Pauline Augustine,” he thought to himself. He knew he had been doing wrong to think that way, and now it had resulted in him losing something he valued, a relationship that meant the world to him. He felt unclean, a boy with a dirty mind. Fortunately, the rugby season came to take his thoughts off the girl and the young woman. The close and easy friendship he had enjoyed with Isa never came back in the same way. He was not to know for many years that her reaction had not been a rejection of him but rather an awakening in her of her own unwelcome thoughts. There was much anticipation in school rugby circles that autumn of 1964, for it was to herald the birth of a higher level of school competition. It was the inaugural year of the Craven Week. Robertse had moved up to coaching the open teams, much to Falk’s delight, for the coach had a soft spot for him and had taught him much. He conducted the first meeting of the coaching team and players in the same way he had done the previous year; he had them sit on the stand when he addressed them. “Okay boys, I have something to tell you that is the most exciting thing to happen in my coaching career. There is a new competition to be started in school rugby, a tournament between all of the provinces of South Africa, and even Rhodesia and South West Africa. “The first tournament is to take place in July during the mid-year holidays. It’s to be held in East London. “Now, I would love to see some of you in the South Western Districts team. We don’t know yet how we will decide who’s in the team, but I think you all know that it will consist mainly of players from our school, the Landbou boys from Riversdal, the Gimmies and Outeniqua. It’s up to all of you first team boys to make an impression this season. “And, of course the way to make an impression is to win games. Team play will make you shine, boys, not individual play. Our first game is against the Gimmies, here on our home field. It’s only six weeks away, so let’s get to work.” Falk was as interested as the other boys in the opportunity to make the provincial side, and he joined in the excited speculation between them, but he did not really give himself a chance. He was still only in standard 9, not yet seventeen years of age. The first game against the Gymnasium changed all of that. He was surprised by how much he had developed in the year, how much stronger and fitter he was. Part of that was the exercise regime he had kept up in the off-season, and the hard physical labour he had embraced at the Prince Albert farm during the long Christmas holidays, but he had to put it down mostly to natural growth. He was an early developer. Against the Gimmies he found he had a greater appetite for tackling because he was fitter and recovered faster, and he also found he now had the upper body strength to wrestle for the ball, often successfully. Oudtshoorn won the game easily and he was one of the stars. Falk wished his greater physical strength was supported by equal growth of his emotions, but the events of the year - the Botha incident, his sexual fantasies about Pauline Augustine and his grave error of judgment on the park bench with Isa - had all conspired to leave him uneasy in his dealings with others, lacking the easy confidence he’d had before. He saw both Isa and Pauline daily, and it both fuelled his ardour and was a reminder of failure, but he would not have it any other way. At the Gimmies game he had looked out for Isa but had not seen her. He was sure she would have attended: as a hostel prefect it was expected that you showed support for the school’s sporting endeavours, and besides, she had come to be a fan of rugby. So she must have been there, but not showing herself to Falk. At least, that was his sad conclusion. Yet on the other side of the field, where the teachers and parents sat, he saw Pauline, cheering enthusiastically for the Oudtshoorn team and seeming to take a particular interest in him. It was confusing. Finally he protected himself in the age-old way, by putting them from his mind and concentrating on the things he did well. As the weekend games came and went, it became increasingly clear that Falk was in the running for a position in the South Western Districts team for Craven Week, and he became more excited at the prospect and thought hard about ways to improve his performance. His introspection led him to the belief that having flanks play on only the one or other side of the scrum was wrong. Invariably, the two flanks had different skills. In the case of his team, the other flank, Paul Serfontein, was a bigger and slower boy, who ran strongly with the ball in hand, while he was quickest to the tackle and the maul. Surely the tackler and fetcher should always be on the open side of the scrum? Falk decided to discuss his idea with Paul before approaching the coach. He knew it could be a delicate matter, as if the flank on the blindside was a lesser player. His approach was a little manipulative. “Paul, I’ve been thinking about the scrums. Don’t you find the shoulder you’re packing on gets a work over?” “Ja, that’s right, sometimes it gets pretty sore.” “So, what if we packed down on different sides of the scrum sometimes?” “How would that work?” “It seems to me that, depending where the scrum is on the field, the flanks have different roles to play. Obviously, if the scrum is in the middle and the opposition backs line up on both sides of the scrum, then both flanks play the same role. “But what about when the scrum is close to the touchline? The flank on that side has a different role. He stops them from coming around his side, and then he goes into cover defence. Isn’t that right?” “Okay, I agree with that. What about the flank on the other side, the open side, what’s his job?” “He needs to get into the face of the fly half and centres, tackle them hard and then compete for the ball on the ground. He’s not the guy who will be running with the ball.” “Explain how the flank on the blindside gets to run with the ball.” “Two main ways, as I see it, Paul. The first is he’s following the game and is ready to take the ball up when it’s cleared from the maul. The second is at our line-outs, where he can be standing with the backs and can take the ball to break the line or set up another maul. What do you think of that?” “You’re a crafty one, Falk.” “Why?” “Because you led me through that perfectly. You know those are the things I like to do, and the others are the things you like to do.” Falk was not happy to be caught at his deception, and was reminded not to underestimate people. Nevertheless, he was sure it was the right plan. “Ja, sorry Paul, I didn’t really mean to make you feel like that. But what about the idea, do you agree with it?” “Oh yes, I think it’s brilliant. When do we see the coach?” Robertse loved the idea and put it into place immediately at practise, but he waited until the second week before he allowed them to play open and blindside flank in a game against competition. The South Western Districts found a novel way to choose and coach the provincial school side. The four main school coaches decided that three of them would be selectors and the fourth the coach, that way no favour could be given to any one school. To Falk’s great delight, Robertse was chosen as the first coach of the SWD Craven Week team. It had risk, as perhaps he would not make the team, but if he did, he knew the coach would continue to play the flanks in the way they were pioneering. Falk need not have worried about not being selected, as he was probably one of three or four boys who picked themselves. His only regret was that Paul Serfontein was not picked, for they had formed a formidable combination; nevertheless in the four practise games the team had before travelling to East London, Robertse had them practise with open and blindside flanks, the four loose forwards chosen alternating until the coach found the preferred combination. The boy from Die Hel had never seen the sea and he was almost as excited at the prospect of seeing new sights as he was about the rugby; to his regret, the bus travelled through the Langkloof and his first sighting of the sea was in the far distance, near Cape St Francis, then the close up view as they drove along the shore near the railroad sheds in Port Elizabeth. The SWD boys were to stay in the Grens Hoerskool hostel. Most of the fifteen provincial teams were accommodated in this way, staying at boarding hostels vacated for the mid-year holidays. They had a short practise on the Sunday afternoon, a loosener to get the wrinkles of the six-hour journey out of their system. There was an unbelievable level of excitement on that Monday morning, the first day of the first Craven Week. It seemed that half of the city of East London was crowded onto the A and B fields of Selborne High School, but of course that was an illusion, for the teams and their retinue of coaches, teachers and parents themselves numbered over five hundred. Whatever the numbers, none of the boys had ever played before such large crowds. Border, as the hosts, were down to play the first game and the last game on the Saturday afternoon. The week was seen as a festival of rugby, rather than a contest to pick the best teams and players; that level of competition and the intensity which accompanied such endeavours, was to come many years later. SWD played at 10.40 am, the second game on the B field, against Western Transvaal. Falk’s image of Transvalers came from the Malherbe’s in the valley, the toughest and most contentious family, and he’d expected a hard battle with no holds barred and relished the thought of it. His mental preparation was not shared by his teammates, despite his warnings, and the boys from SWD were soon two tries down and being made to contest every set piece and maul by boys whose behaviour was characterised by force rather than skill. Eventually, inspired by Falk’s kamikaze tactics, the boys from the Cape clawed their way back and won the match by a narrow margin, but they had taken a physical beating with two of them playing with injuries for the last ten minutes and virtual passengers. They did not know how they could pick themselves up to play three more games over the next five days. Robertse juggled his players as best he could, and was well pleased with the final result; they won two of their games, lost narrowly to Free State, but were well beaten by Natal. Falk had been rested for the Natal game, a mistake, for their centres carved holes in the SWD backline. East London is not a large city, but to Falk it was a metropolis. He gained more from the contact with others and the difference in environment than he did on the rugby fields. On their two rest days they went to the Eastern Beach and had soft practise, running on the sand passing the ball, and then a time for swimming. The beach was full of girls, pretty girls keen to engage with them. And Falk, with his strong brown body and deep blue eyes was a centre of attention. The team were not able to socialise other than the two times on the beach, but that brief contact did much to restore Falk’s self-belief. When the year came to an end, and Falk went off to Prince Albert to take up his training on the family farm, he was able finally to gain some perspective into the events of what had been a tempestuous year. He had excelled on the rugby fields and in the classroom, but those achievements were blunted by his actions for one brief moment on a park bench. He did not understand why he could not put it behind him. And then there were the dreams about making love to a teacher. Why could those also not diminish? Why couldn’t he fill his idle thoughts with the triumphs on the rugby fields? He would have to try and rectify the imbalance in the next year, his matric year: make friends with Isa; and recognise Pauline Augustine for what she was, a friendly teacher seven or eight years older than him, the friendliness signifying nothing but a good nature. 6. The first of Falk’s two resolutions was easily accomplished. He returned to school on the Sunday before the day of school opening, having been driven over the Swartberg Pass by one of the farm drivers in the Toyota Stout that the farm owned. Falk had come straight off the fields, had not changed his dusty and sweaty shirt and was still wearing his heavy boots. The first person he met was Helen de Jager. “Welcome back Falk. Gosh, you’ve been working.” He was a little abashed at his appearance. “Hello, mevrou, thank you. It’s good to be back.” “I’ve got news for you Falk; your friend Isa Erasmus has been made head girl.” “That’s fantastic news. Thanks for telling me, mevrou.” He dropped his bags in the hostel prefect’s bedroom and walked over to Pinehurst immediately, not bothering with his dusty and dishevelled appearance. It was a typical January day, the temperature in the high 30s, but he hardly noticed, so proud was he that Isa had achieved such an honour. The entrance of the old Victorian building was busy with returning boarders. He stopped a girl who had been in their standard 9 class and asked her to call Isa. It was a long wait and he only then remembered that the meeting between them might be awkward; they had not been alone together since the incident more than half a year earlier. He realised she might not even come out to see him, and that thought made him self-conscious. But when she came, he saw the welcoming smile on her face. Isa was dressed in a summer dress and she looked young and vital, her lovely face flushed with excitement. “Oh Falkie, look at you, the farmer.” He wasn’t sure if that was a compliment, despite the easy manner in which it had been said, but he had only really heard the diminutive of his name and it was the first time she had addressed him in that way for a very long time. “Ja, sorry, I came straight here when I heard you’d been made head girl. Congratulations, Isa, I’m very proud of you.” “Thanks Falkie. Yes, who would have thought two kids from Die Hel could become prefects in this school. They never gave us a hope, did they?” “What do you mean, two prefects?” “You don’t know?” “Know what?” She laughed delightedly. “They haven’t told you yet, that you’ve also been made a school prefect. That’s just great; I get the chance to tell you.” “Well I’m also happy that you’re the first to tell me.” “So, my congratulations to you also. I’m only sorry you weren’t also made head boy.” “That was never going to happen.” As he said it he realised his mistake. No-one knew for certain he was the one who had led to Botha being discovered. “That’s a strange thing to say, Falk. What do you mean?” He tried to think of a way to explain his strange remark and realised she would see through whatever he said. He would have to tell her; it was no risk for she would never disclose a confidence. “I was the one who found out about Botha, Isa.” “I knew it. Typical Falkie, protecting the underdog. I want to hear all about it.” “You know, I’d rather not.” “Of course, but you won’t get away with that. Come on Falkie, don’t be mean, tell me about it.” He did. He told the same story he had in the head’s office; not even Isa could hear the name of the boy, nor the incident that led Botha to blackmail him. To his amazement, she stepped close and hugged him, dust and sweat and witnesses notwithstanding. When she broke the embrace he could see the emotion in her face. “So, they couldn’t afford to make you head boy in case your beating of Botha came out. That’s so sad, Falkie. You were a hero and you’ve been penalised for it.” He left soon after that, happy that his friendship with Isa was once more established, and feeling very good about what had transpired. Only then did he remember that he was now a school prefect and wondered what additional duties and benefits that would bring. Fate is a funny thing. On that day it made him walk straight into Pauline Augustine as he entered the hostel grounds. He was not often given to biblical allusions but the thought came to him that if Isa was Rachel, here was Jezebel. Pauline was wearing an outfit that looked like she was coming from a tennis match, white shorts and shirt, her bare arms and legs tanned from what had obviously been a holiday on the beach. But she clearly had not been playing tennis, for even Falk’s untrained eye could see she was not wearing a bra, and her full breasts swung under the thin material as she turned to greet him. “Why Falk, so nice to see you.” She came right up to him, invading his space so that he retreated a little. “You look so manly. I’ve always had a soft spot for farmers.” She leaned forward in a conspirational manner. “You’re still my hero, Falk.” She swung around again and headed into the building and he had still not said a word. Falk was shaken when he got to the room he shared with the three other prefects, none of whom were present. He sat on his bed to try to understand what, if anything, had just happened. She was clearly flirting with him, but not the girlie thing he had experienced on the beach in East London. Pauline was a confident woman, fully aware of her effect on others. So what was she hoping to achieve? Surely she was just a friendly person. If Helen de Jager had said those same words to him, he would never have stopped to think something hidden was being said. Yet her body language had been … he searched for the word. Provocative, yes, that was the word. It was ironic that Isa and Pauline had both used the word farmer to describe him, and both had invaded his physical and emotional space. But they were so different, the one you would wish to marry; the other you would wish to have as a lover. Anyway, this was a ridiculous conversation he was having with himself. He had obviously misunderstood Pauline; never could it be that she wanted a relationship with a seventeen-year-old boy. He was wrong. When she made her move it was unexpected, for nothing had taken place between them for almost four months. It had been the normal teacher-pupil relationship, a little more relaxed due to her younger, more modern way, but nevertheless nothing that could remind Falk of her behaviour that first day of the year. It happened in a week when he was on lock-up duty and she was taking evening prep. Yet for the first two days nothing occurred; she continued to work in the classroom after the boys had finished prep, and he would come in at nine to switch the lights off and exchange a few words with her. Each time she packed her work into her briefcase and came out of the room so that he could switch the lights off and go about the rest of his duties. On the Wednesday night that changed. “Come in Falk, I want to have a chat with you.” He came in and sat opposite her. There was something subtly different about her, but he could not put his finger on it at first. Then he recognised it; she was nervous. For some strange reason, that made her more attractive to him. “What I’m about to ask you is unethical for me to do as a teacher. I’ve tried hard not to ask you for this, but in the end I want it too much. I want to take the chance.” She stopped then, and would not look at him. Her breathing was ragged. He knew what the question was and it thrilled and terrified him. He wanted to help her get it out, but was transfixed by the enormity of it all, by the huge risk. She gathered herself, and then and looked at him again. “I want you to come to my room tonight after lights out. I think it will be a wonderful experience for both of us, but the decision will be entirely yours. I will leave my door unlocked. “And now I must go.” He realised then that she had already packed her papers into her briefcase and had been waiting for him, waiting for how long and with what trepidation? Falk did not look at her as she left and only realised she was gone when he heard the door close behind her. When he had finished locking the front door and switching all of the lights out except the one they kept burning on the verandah, he returned to his room and sat on the edge of his bed. His fellow prefects had not yet come to bed and would still be in their study for the next half an hour or so and then they would take time to fall asleep. He got under the blankets fully clothed, and when they came in he pretended to be asleep. After what seemed to be an enormous time they switched the light off and he still lay there without the decision having been made. At some point, he must have dozed and when he woke all was quiet and they were asleep. In a sudden panic he made his way to the window where there was faint light and looked at his watch, the watch his Aunt Tess had given him for the last Christmas. It was nearly twenty minutes to eleven. Was it too late? In his stockinged feet he made his way quietly downstairs. He had still not made the decision. There was a legitimate excuse for him being downstairs, he was on duty. What if he had heard a noise? He was investigating. In this quandary he passed her door twice before he stopped before it and tried the handle. It turned. The decision was made and he entered quietly and closed the door softly behind him, releasing the handle only when the door was fully seated against the frame. A light was on in her bedroom, a warm light. She was in bed, reading, had not heard him coming in the door. When she saw him she got out of bed and stood looking at him. “I thought you weren’t coming,” she said softly. “I wasn’t sure.” She pulled her negligee over her head then and stood naked before him and he could scarcely comprehend the beauty of her. She raised her arms to him in a beckoning gesture. “Come,” she said. It is possible that they could have got away with it, but they were too greedy for each other’s bodies. He went to her room too often, not just in the weeks he was on duty, and his absence was noticed. They did not tell on him, but it was talked about and the talk eventually reached the ears of the Housemaster. One night when he came out of her room De Jager was sitting on a chair in the passage, waiting for him. “Go to your room, Baartman. We will speak to you in the morning.” As he walked down the passage he heard the Housemaster knocking at her door and calling her name, identifying himself so that she would not think it was Falk returning. All night he lay thinking about the shame of it. He had no doubt about the consequences and his thoughts were only on the shame he had brought to those who loved him, those who believed in him: his mother, Tess, Isa, Jan Robertse, Helen de Jager, Odette Wilkins, and Trevor Weiss. If only they didn’t have to know. The shame was such agony that he knew then how his father had come to take his life. Pauline Augustine was not at breakfast. They called Falk to the Head’s office after assembly. De Jager was present. The message was short and was delivered by Mevrou Fronemann. “You are to be expelled, Baartman. Miss Augustine has had her services terminated and has already left the school. I will give you the benefit of doubt that she was the temptress, but you had the moral choice to refuse her. “We have not informed either your mother or your aunt. We will leave that to you and you must use the telephone in my secretary’s office immediately upon leaving my office. “Have you anything to say?” He had registered only the disgust they felt towards him. “No,” he said. “Very well then. Make the telephone call and go to your room and pack your belongings. Do not return to the school precincts. You can tell whoever is coming to fetch you to pick you up at the hostel. Make sure you are gone before school ends.” Despite her harsh words, the Headmistress was too compassionate a person to leave it at that. “I am sorry your school career has ended like this, Baartman. You have shown such promise and that has made this all the worse for us. We never expected something like this from a boy like you. “You may go now.” As he left, he realised that De Jager had not said a word. It was when he was packing his rugby boots that he started to cry and that was how Jan Robertse found him. The coach sat next to him on the bed and put his arm around him, said nothing until he had controlled himself. “You are bigger than this, Falk, and the pain will go away in time.” “I can’t see how.” “It will, I promise you. Now listen to me. This was not a life-ending mistake, boy. The punishment is severe because this is a school and we can’t have things like this, but it was just about a boy and a young woman attracted to each other. Outside the school it’s not even illegal. “Don’t make it a big thing that affects your life after this, Falk. Yes, I know right now you can only think about what you’re going to say to your mother and your Aunt Tess. You need to say those things, but then you need to get on with your life. “I want you to promise me something. Will you do that?” Falk was overcome with love for this man, a man who had treated him with favour but had never had shown him this side of his nature, nor given any inkling that he was interested enough in his young player to find out about his life. “I will do whatever you ask me.” “Finish your matric. When you get home, write immediately to UNISA and enquire about finishing matric by correspondence. You can give me as a reference and I’m sure some of your other teachers will also vouch for you. It is likely that you can only register next year, but don’t be put off by that; finish it even if it takes you to the end of next year.” “I promise you, meneer.” Falk was still holding his boots. “And these?” “Yes, I know what that meant to you. If you are living in Prince Albert you won’t play for a while, unless you are prepared to travel over the mountain every time you have practise or a game. But you have ten years more to play the game Falk; if you keep fit, you can return to it in the future. “Rugby is important, but it’s not as important as getting yourself back on track. By that I mean the track of your life. The way of your life, doing what you were meant to be doing. And whatever you are meant to do with your life, it all starts with education. “I’m sure you have a great future, son. I believe in you.” Falk was waiting downstairs when the farm driver arrived in the Toyota Stout. He had yet to tell his mother and his aunt. He would go first to the valley and then to Rooikrantz Farm. PRINCE ALBERT. My heart drowned in bitterness with the agony of what White man’s law had done. James Mathews. “Cry Rage”. 1. At the eastern entrance to Prince Albert, on the road to Prince Albert Valley and Meiringspoort, are two farms which are owned by the Baartman family. The farms run from the main road down to the river which comes out of the mountains and is the reason for the existence of the town. The farm closest to the kloof is the original farm of Tannie Mostert, surveyed and developed when the area was still known as Queekvalleij in the late 18th century. It was here that Tannie took in a young Khoikhoi woman who had borne a child out of a union with her son, her son who was later killed in a skirmish with cattle thieves. The Khoikhoi woman had named her child Baartman, for the most distinguishing feature she recalled of the man who visited her three times to have sex with her was his blonde beard. Tannie gave the boy a Christian name, Isaac, and when the Khoikhoi woman tragically took her life she raised him as her own. Isaac was the first of the Baartman family in a line which had reached its sixth generation in Falk. It was to these two farms that Falk came in 1965, after his ignominious expulsion from Oudtshoorn High School. He knew them well, for he had been spending his holidays there for more than two years, training under the foreman in the art of market gardening. He had always come to them joyously, for he loved the work outdoors and the beauty of the valley, the lush vegetation of the isthmus created by the disgorge of the mountain river set against the dry and grey vistas of the Great Karoo. But when he came there in late autumn of that year, there was no joy. It had been a bruising week, spent first in the valley with his mother Stephanie, and then accompanied by her to his aunt at Rooikrantz. He could not explain to them the lure of Pauline Augustine, how could he? His deep depression at the loss of what had been most dear to him - the friendship of Isa, the passion and companionship of Pauline and the joy of battle on the rugby field – left him inarticulate. The mother and aunt stopped asking for explanations and gave him the unconditional love he needed, and in doing so planted the first seeds of recovery, at least a recovery which had outward manifestations, for the experience had embittered Falk in a way which would be embedded in his psyche for the rest of his existence. They talked of him taking over the two farms, but in the end the proximity of the town and people he was sure knew of his shame, drove him to the seclusion of Rooikrantz, and it was there that he went for almost a year. Stephanie saw in her son the same anxiety pattern that had driven her husband Walter to commit suicide, and she was fearful of leaving Falk alone. When she thought about it, she also made the connection to Walter’s father Isaac. He too had become hermitic and fretful due to the stress he’d suffered as a boy in the Boer War. Until this setback, she had been sure Falk would escape the demons of his father. During his boyhood he had been adventurous and totally unafraid, and he had achieved so much at the school, she recalled with great pleasure her pride in his being picked to represent SWD schools. She tried to work out why the two men descended from Dan and his wife Josie had this characteristic, and now perhaps also her son. Both of Dan’s surviving children, Isaac and Tess, told of their father’s courage and his entrepreneurial spirit, how he had embraced life and defeated the challenges it threw at him. Why then this retiring and fearful nature in his male descendants? Tess didn’t have it and, until now, Falk didn’t have it either; that thought made her wonder if the school could not have handled the affair better. She had never met Pauline Augustine, never even seen her, but Stephanie harboured great resentment against her for singling out her son for her sexual gratification. Stephanie made the decision to leave the valley and move permanently to the farm in Prince Albert. She was not to know that she would never return, and that the cottage would revert to nature until future custodians restored it to satisfy the curiosity of a modern generation. She did not even say goodbye to Isaac, because her visits to him had seemed to upset him progressively more, and on her last two visits across the river he had hidden from her. She knew he was alive only from the signs of recent occupation of his home. When, a few months later, Falk moved to Rooikrantz, his mother made the decision to stay in Prince Albert. She knew by then that he had the strength to overcome his setback. And he didn’t need his mother around to remind him of his failure towards her. Falk had never spent much time at Rooikrantz. On the few occasions he had gone there with his mother, it had been a day trip and only once had they stayed overnight. So he did not know the locale, had never strayed far from the main house and had never investigated the orchards nor seen the production facilities of the farm. These now became objects of curiosity and he began to explore the orchards and spend time observing the jam- and preserve-making operations, questioning the staff. The main production of the farm was figs, which were sold fresh on the market at Prince Albert, or pressed, or turned into jams and preserves; for the production of the latter there were also small stands of apples and lemons, and further down the river there were orchards of apricots and pears. Tess observed his wanderings and was pleased at his astute questions to her every night at the dinner table. The operation of the farm was very different to the market gardening done on the Prince Albert farms, yet there were similarities in issues of distribution and labour, amongst others. She found Falk to be particularly interested in the marketing of the produce of the farm and even more interested in the history of the family, both the Armitage’s, the maternal line, and of course the paternal line, the Baartman’s. Outside working hours, Falk began to explore the river further afield and one day he walked into the kloof upstream and discovered a deep pool under a vigorous waterfall, swollen by the winter rains. Above the pool brooded red cliffs, high and mysterious, the calls of birds echoing amongst the many crags. These were the cliffs from which the farm derived its name. Standing there before the pool, its waters already coloured black in the deep shade of the coming night, he felt a strange sensation of familiarity. Had he been there before? His curiosity was piqued and he asked his great-aunt about it that night. “Tess, I went into the kloof this afternoon after work and discovered the waterfall and the pool below it. It’s a beautiful place, so mysterious. I had a strange sensation there, as if I’d visited it before. Obviously I haven’t. Can it be a family memory? I know that sounds silly, but the feeling was so strong I thought I’d ask you about it.” She was amazed and delighted. There were so many similarities between Falk and her father Dan, not the least their appearance. Her father had come to this place from the valley at about the same age as Falk was that day. He had loved the place and had introduced most of the farming methods. And it was here that Dan had found his first love, her great-aunt Caroline. Caroline had been older than Dan, about the same age difference as Falk and Pauline Augustine. Tess had never met Caroline, for she had died before Tess was born, but she had heard all about her, the romantic stories of the frail woman, dying of a consumptive disease, and the young man from the Gamkaskloof who became her lover. Funny how she made that connection now, she thought. The one relationship was honoured by the family; the other caused Falk to be expelled from his school. It was time to tell him his history. “It is a family memory, Falk and I’m delighted you felt it. Tomorrow we don’t work. I’m going to take you to the places in this valley that have a special standing in the annals of our family.” Tess was seventy-four that winter, but she looked ten years younger and could out-walk many who were two decades her junior, so she strode out strongly that morning, but soon came to a halt at a small stone cottage that had intrigued Falk the previous day. “First history lesson, Falk. Let’s sit here.” She had indicated a bench on the small stoep of the cottage, a lovely vantage point from which they had a view of the river just below their feet and the valley which slanted up to the poort, some five kilometres distant. “My father Dan built this cottage. He came out from Gamkaskloof when he was seventeen, your age, leaving his widowed mother behind. Dan knew he would never grow if he stayed in the valley, and his mother encouraged him to leave for the same reason. But it was a wrench for both of them; they had become very close after Dan’s father Benji died trying to stop a stock inspector coming into the valley. But that’s another story. Let’s get back to Dan. “My father came out of the valley with two horses, the clothes on his back and a rifle. It was 1867, Falk, just two years short of a century ago. His route took him north up the Gamka River, then east along this very river in front of us. Look over there to our left; follow the course of the river. You see that mountain behind where the river disappears from our view?” He followed her pointing arm. “Yes, I see it.” “We call that Chameleon Mountain. That’s where the river Dan was following, this very river, came out into this more open land and he followed it and came to this farm. “Back then, nearly a hundred years ago, the farm was a very simple affair, an orchard of figs planted by a young Englishman called Rob Armitage, who had settled here. The two of them got on well together, and Dan decided to join Rob. “It was a great partnership over the years, with Dan bringing innovation and expansion to the farm. It was he who started making jams and preserves, it was he who introduced the apricot and pear orchards, and the packing plant; lots of the new things. “Rob Armitage and his wife had three children, one of them Josie, my mother. But when Dan came here, Josie was still a child and it was only many years later that she and Dan married. Rob also had a sister who lived in England; she was ill with a consumptive disease and Rob persuaded her to come out here because he believed this clean mountain air would be good for her. “Well, she and Dan fell in love. He was less than two years older than you are today Falk, just turned nineteen - you are about to turn eighteen - yet he had a love affair with Caroline, who was in her midtwenties. You know why I’m telling you this story, don’t you?” Of course Falk knew why she was drawing these parallels; a dead father, an only child, a need to escape from the valley, a love affair with an older woman. He had not known any of this history and he was intrigued. History repeating itself. How often had he heard that phrase? “Yes, I do. Carry on please.” “Dan and Caroline tried to keep their relationship a secret. They used to meet here in this cottage, and at the waterfall that we will go to just now. Then eventually they moved to the farm in Prince Albert, the one your mother is staying in now. “Caroline bought that farm. And, because she knew she only had a few years to live, she would not marry Dan. She loved him too much to burden him. She even tried to drive him away, but he wouldn’t go, he stayed with her until the last. You can see her grave, Falk, in that little cemetery just up the road from the farm. You must go and see it.” There were so many details Falk wanted to know: how long did they have together; did the affair consume Dan as his with Pauline had consumed him? How fortunate they were that they could carry on seeing each other, live as man and wife despite the age difference and no doubt the censure of the society they had lived in. He realised Tess had stopped telling the story and was watching his reaction. “You’re thinking, ‘why couldn’t I have had that chance,’ aren’t you?” “No, Tess. Not really. It was a different time and there were no real prohibitions to their relationship, not like with me, a pupil and a teacher.” “Don’t be too hard on yourself Falk. It was also a boy and a girl in love.” Her words were an echo of those spoken by Robertse, and he was grateful to both for simplifying the matter in a way which gave him some dignity. “Okay then, son, let’s get on to the waterfall. Next history lesson.” The waterfall and the pool below it looked very different in the full light of day, the gush of water sparkling, the pool an indigo blue reflecting the sky above. “Come sit here.” She sat on a small rock bench and he took his place beside her. “You’re sitting on the rock where your Khoikhoi ancestor was raped.” He was horrified at the revelation, and immediately stood up. Tess laughed delightedly at his reaction, his discomfort at the subject matter. “Come on, sit down again. I don’t think the rock minds what happened two hundred years ago.” He sat down. “Are you joking?” “No, I’m not, but the actual facts we don’t know for certain. No-one wrote it down, but those of us who were interested have pieced it together. “What we know is that a girl called Ahad, a Khoikhoi girl, lived in a village below the mountain I pointed out to you earlier. This girl was a shepherdess, and she brought her sheep to this place every day. As far as we can tell, this particular small clan of Khoikhoi had never encountered the Dutch settlers, but one day one of them was exploring the valley and came across her, right here. We think she might have been swimming in the nude and he became aroused and raped her.” “That’s truly awful. How old was she?” “We don’t know, but the Khoikhoi girls married young and she was not married, so she had probably just entered puberty, maybe eleven or twelve.” “And if she was the mother of our ancestors, she obviously fell pregnant.” “Yes, but maybe not that first time, for he came back again, a few times. We romantics like to think that they developed a feeling for one another, but who knows.” “So what happened?” “She had a boy and called him Baartman, for the only thing she knew about her Dutch lover was that he had a ruddy great beard. Sadly, the clan eventually drove her away because they would not accept her son. The same old pattern we see repeated today, Falk: racism and bigotry. Her son was different, and that wasn’t acceptable. “Ahad went looking for her Dutch lover and found his mother instead. Tannie Mostert was her name, and the farm was, of course, the very farm Caroline bought. Tannie Mostert’s son had been killed in a skirmish with a Xhosa raiding party, so she took Ahad and her child in and raised the boy as her own when Ahad died. “So that’s your ancestry, Falk. It started right here. A Khoikhoi girl and a Dutch settler.” The poignancy of the Ahad and Caroline stories awakened in Falk a powerful desire to write, and he knew exactly where he needed to be to give expression to the many thoughts and emotions surging through his mind: in the cottage his forefather Dan had built. Tess gave her consent to the move immediately for she could feel the new energy in him. She would miss his close presence in the big farmhouse, but already knew that he would not last too much longer at Rooikrantz and she was better off getting used to his imminent departure. He was the closest she had ever had to having a child of her own, and his mental recovery and development were of paramount importance to her, above her need for his company. At first, the words were clumsy and awkward and could not do justice to the ideas. He scoured the library at the farm and found many books that he had not read and could study to give him models for his own work. There was also a dictionary and Thesaurus in English, and they too became companions on the small table he placed under the window in the cottage which gave him a view of the river. Throughout this early surge of creativity he did not shirk the work on the farm, and fulfilled the duties he had been given with diligence, if not passion; he had found his passion in the written word. On a visit to Prince Albert, he purchased a second-hand typewriter and used it solely when he wrote and soon was able to navigate the keyboard with some fluency and speed. At first he wrote in only the shortest form of creative written expression, the poem. He wrote about Pauline and their passions and hopes and fears, and about the Swartberg Mountains in all their seasons, and about his ancestors, the fey Caroline and the young shepherdess with the terrible burden of interracial bigotry. His writing had a simplicity and tough exposure of the way he saw nature and the world. It was to prove controversial when published later. Some of his work was graphically disturbing in its sexuality and honesty - the nakedness of the bed and the mind, was how he described it when challenged years later. Falk had met his promise to his coach and had written and received the prospectus from UNISA and had enrolled to complete his matric the following year, 1966. Now he pulled out that prospectus and discovered he could do a diploma course in journalism, and he wrote again and enrolled in the one-year course. He knew he had the capacity to do both courses at the same time. They accepted him for the diploma course on the understanding that he could only receive the diploma if he passed matric, as that was a minimum stipulation, but he did not care about that: he didn’t need the certificate, only the knowledge. As summer descended on the farm, Falk went frequently to swim in the pool under the waterfall and he often experienced a supernatural connection to his past as he lay partially submerged and allowed the water to flow over him. It was in those moment too that he sometimes had whole phrases come to him, the words and the cadence so much purer than at his desk, and he would have to hold them in his mind until he could type them out. Eventually he craved again the company of his peers and he told Tess that he would return soon to the Prince Albert farms. But, before he did, he wanted to visit his grandfather Isaac in Gamkaskloof, and he wanted to do it the way that the others had done before him: his father Walter, grandfather Isaac, great-grandfather Dan and the first Baartman to visit the valley, Benji. He would travel down the rivers, through the massive gorges flanking the Gamka River until he came to the valley of his youth. He saw it as a pilgrimage of sorts, paying homage to his ancestors. There was a difference in his travelling to the valley: he would do it on foot, as he had never ridden a horse. He packed enough food for the five days he expected to be away, which, together with spare clothes and a sleeping bag, came to quite a large and heavy pack, but he relished the challenge. Tess added to his burden. “You can’t go in there without a weapon, Falk. There are leopards and troops of baboons in there.” “You sound just like my ma, Tess.” “Good, I would hope so. She’s also a sensible person.” “A rifle will just weigh me down, and it’s so unlikely to be needed.” “Humour me, Falk. It’s the least you can do.” Put that way, he had no choice, and he took with him the Mauser that Dan had used during the Boer War. The morning he left she was up early to bid him farewell. “I’m glad you’re doing this, Falk. We’ve had no word from Isaac for a very long time and I’ve a concern for his wellbeing. Did your mother tell you that the last few times she tried to visit him he hid from her?” “No, she didn’t. That’s a worry. He loves ma.” “Yes, so we don’t know why he did that. He might try to hide from you as well.” “That won’t work. I’ll just sit him out.” At first the journey after he left the precincts of the farm was easy, a track on the east side of the river worn by the hooves of domestic and wild animals over many years. It meandered a little and went through numerous gullies, but the walk was satisfying and not strenuous. With his concentration on his immediate surroundings, he had not realised he was approaching the Chameleon Mountain and when he did look upwards it loomed large before him, dominating the skyline. He was at a place where the river turned west and ran beneath the mountain, and where he stood there was a wide pool with a beach. He surmised that this must have been the site of the Khoikhoi village, and he sat and took out his notebook and described all he could see before him. The next part of his walk was more difficult, and he had to cross the river frequently when confronted by impassable places due to high banks or dense undergrowth. It was not until the middle of the afternoon that he reached the Gamka River, hot and a little fatigued, and with his arms and legs scratched from pushing through thickets. The confluence of the two rivers was in a wide valley but, when he looked south in the direction he would travel, he could see how it narrowed and ran between high mountains and massive cliffs; he thought they could be at least three or four hundred metres high. The walk into that place looked daunting, and he decided to take a break, have a swim and eat his first meal of the day. Three hours later, he was deep in the gorge and had completely lost his sense of direction as the river wound its tortuous way through the high red mountains. Sometimes it seemed to him that the cliffs would fall in on him as the clouds moved overhead, giving the impression that the earth was moving. The noises surprised him the most, for it was never still in there, the gorge an echo chamber for every bird and animal call. Night fell quickly as the light left the deep valley and he decided on a place to spend the night when it was still early; outside the gorge it would be light for another two hours at least. He found himself conscious of his safety and chose to sleep on a sandy patch at the base of a high curved rock so that he could only be approached on a narrow front. His evening meal consisted of fruit and dried meat. It was warm, and he had no need for a fire, but he made one nevertheless and gathered a large mound of dead wood so that it could burn throughout the night. Once the fire was set, he decided to boil a billy can of water for coffee. Sleep did not come easily for Falk that night. He was beset by the weight of history, his imagination seeing his ancestors coming through that very way, perhaps sleeping at this very place, motivated to do so by the same concerns for safety and comfort. There was no evidence of them - no ashes, no tracks - but he knew the winter floods would have obliterated any such memory from the earth. How did Pauline fit into this history, this timeline of his family? He saw her in vivid definition, her beautiful face composed as she looked at him lying there in his sleeping bag, and then changing, flushed and intense as they made love. Had her passion been solely for sex, or was there a deeper motive, a connection to him, the young Falk Baartman, not just a sex object, an appreciation for a man in the making who had values and achievements to be admired; a promise for the future worth the risk? What about his motives? Was she just a learning experience, the first carnal knowledge of a woman, his good fortune to be taught by one with more experience? Was there love? Lying there in the dark, surrounded by the ghosts of his ancestry and the ancient rocks, he found he could answer that most important question. Yes, there was love, if love was a desire to know more about each other, to share time together, even moments so fleeting. Pauline had become his companion. They had talked for many hours after making love. Neither wanted the other to leave once the initial passion was exhausted. They were interested in each other. If it wasn’t love, it was a kindred feeling of deep intensity, and that was enough. He knew he could not close this chapter of his life until he saw her again and resolved to find her once he moved to Prince Albert. When Falk came to the Gamkaskloof, at around noon of the next day, he was on the east side, the side of his old home, and he decided to visit it before crossing to see his grandfather. The cottage was as he remembered it, nothing changed except for a subtle air of abandonment, as if a house had a life when occupied, but was dead when the humans went elsewhere. The stoep was covered in dust and baboon droppings, but nothing had been damaged, not vandalised by the animals or neighbouring children. Through the windows he saw the emptiness, the rooms which he envisaged full of furniture and life, now appeared minute. How had they fitted everything in there? In a mood of melancholy, he crossed the river at the ford and had not gone one hundred metres when he smelt death and came across it shortly after, a goat killed and gutted by a big cat, only the soft stomach eaten, a hollow hole left to mark the passing of the predator. There were two more before he reached Isaac’s cabin, and by that time his fear for his grandfather was full blown. His apprehension was not allayed by what he found: an empty cabin, the bed clothes drawn up as if it had been made that morning, but the only foodstuffs looking days old, ants infesting the little cupboard. Isaac had clearly not been there for several days, perhaps weeks. Falk searched the surrounding bush, did it systematically, going around in ever increasing circles until it was too dark to see. He found three more dead goats and surmised that the others must have run into the hills where, no doubt, they had been systematically hunted down. Because of the largesse, the leopard had eaten only briefly from each carcass. When he returned to the cabin he had the choice of sleeping inside but felt that would be wrong, as if admitting that his grandfather was dead, something he was not yet prepared to accept. He laid his sleeping bag off the stoep, in the soft sand where he could make a shallow depression for his hips. He could not eat. The sight and smell of the slaughtered animals had killed any appetite he might have had and, because there was nothing further he could do, he retired early, fully expecting to lie awake for hours, but the physical exertions of the day overcame his anxiety. Later, something woke him and he sat up. There was a half moon and he could see his immediate surroundings quite clearly, but the grey bush beyond was a mystery. Then he heard the thing that had woken him: the petulant snarl of a big cat. It was not close, rather somewhere up in the choked valleys of the mountain behind the cottage, he thought. He took no further chances and moved his sleeping gear to the hard bed of his grandfather, but this time he could not sleep and lay awake and fretful until the sky lightened outside. Falk knew where to go once he could see well enough. His grandfather must have gone up there to protect his animals; a seventy year old man against one of the most cunning animals on earth, not much of a contest, but one Falk was sure the old man would never have shirked. He found the remains of his grandfather within an hour. With no wind to disperse it, he had smelt the sweet aroma of death from afar. The body had been broken open and the bones scattered, the little flesh left on them blackened with age. Even the head had been mutilated; it must have happened more than a week before. Falk sat on the ground amongst the remains of his grandfather and stared at the bones, connecting them until he saw him again, whole, the wise and simple man who had befriended him after his father had died. He had learnt from this man to be true to himself, despite the conventions and temptations of the world. Had he followed that lesson? He didn’t want to think too deeply about that. What about the leopard? Strangely, he did not feel he had to revenge Isaac’s death. He had no skill in hunting leopards, but had grown up with stories of hunting them, the two favoured methods being to lure them with bait or to corner the animal with dogs. He had neither the means nor the skill with a gun, but that would not have stopped him if he felt it necessary. But he did not. Isaac had chosen the path of natural life, the life of his forbears. His grandfather would have killed a leopard to protect his livestock, but never for vengeance. The leopard had as much right to these mountains and the fruits of the environment as man did. That would be Isaac’s thinking and he would honour it. He left everything as he had found it and went back down to the cabin to prepare himself for the return journey through the gorges. 2. When Falk moved back to Prince Albert in March 1966 he stayed at first on the old Mostert farm where his mother was living. He felt he owed it to her, but knew he would not stay there long; his independence in Dan’s cottage at Rooikrantz had come to mean much to him. He soon discovered another reason why he had to move. His mother was being wooed by the dominee of the NGK Kerk, a widower named Abel Cromhout. It was not that he would be in the way - their courtship was of the old variety with third parties often present - it was rather that he had attended a service conducted by Dominee Cromhout, and was devastated that his mother could contemplate a life with a man of such radically conservative and racist views. Stephanie had asked him to attend the service with her; she had yet to reveal that she and the dominee had begun visiting one another. She knew her son well enough to know he could be alienated by the man’s views and therefore be against the union but, in her honest straightforward way, she would bring it to a head by having him hear a sermon and face the consequences after that. She was still not sure if she would pursue her relationship with the dominee if her son strongly disapproved. Cromhout preached against what he called the dissolution of Christian values and morals brought about by the sale of alcohol in a number of commercial establishments in Kerk Straat, the high street of the town. This resulted in certain sectors of the community, particularly on pay day, becoming drunk and disorderly in full view of the women and children of the upstanding people in the community. He called on the town leaders to ban the sale of alcohol to Coloured people in the town precincts; let them have their own bottle stores out of town. Falk looked around and saw there were still Coloured people attending the service, sitting at the back as they had for as long as he had attended the church, although the numbers on that day were greatly reduced. They were mostly older folk. Did they believe in selfflagellation, that they sat in the church of this bigot, or could they somehow ignore the content of the sermon in their need to observe the Sabbath in the time-old way? Stephanie sat until the church was empty before leaving, and Falk was compelled to wait with her. Dominee Cromhout was standing on the steps outside the main door, in the full mid-morning sun. Stephanie introduced them. “Abel, this is my son, Falk.” Falk was alarmed by two things at once: his mother’s use of the familiar name and the look on Cromhout’s face which told him the man knew all about Pauline. For his mother’s sake he shook the proffered hand. “I’ve heard all about you, young man. I’m sure between your mother and I we can help you through your difficulties.” Falk looked to his mother for an explanation of this assault on his privacy. “Dominee Cromhout and I have become friends, son.” “No, Ma, that can’t be.” He turned back to the minister. “I don’t have to like the friends my mother chooses, meneer, any more than she’ll like some of my friends. But I do have the right to decide whether I will have anything to do with them and I will have nothing to do with you. “Did you not see those Coloured people sitting at the back of the church? Did you not think how your words were hurting them, hurting some of your own congregation, what you probably call your flock? Is yours the example of Jesus, meneer, or the propaganda of the government?” Cromhout looked like he would like to strike Falk. Never had his assumption of moral leadership been challenged in that community, but Falk brushed past the man, making no effort to minimise the bodily contact. His mother found him on the back stoep when she arrived home. She sat next to him and waited for his questions. “Is this a serious friendship, Ma?” “I think so. We have been seeing each other for some months now. His wife died two years ago and he is only now able to contemplate having a new lady friend.” “Are you not also alienated by his hypocrisy?” “Not like you are, Falk. I see other qualities in Abel, ones he cannot show the people of this community. You have no idea how much his behaviour is driven by the expectations of the people of this town. They expect him to be almost God-like.” “Well, he gets nought out of ten there.” “Don’t be flippant about this, son.” “No Ma, flippant I won’t be, not about Dominee Cromhout. Have you forgotten that the Baartman’s are descended from a Khoikhoi woman?” “Oh Falk, don’t be like your father.” “What does that mean?” She knew she had made a mistake, but it was something she had always known she would have to explain. But she also needed to break the cycle of bad feeling that lay between them at that moment. “Wait here, I’m going to get us some coffee.” While she busied herself in the kitchen Stephanie thought with regret about the sermon Abel Cromhout had preached that morning. She had heard him give inspiring sermons, using biblical texts to inspire and teach, without racist or elitist overtones. Why had he not done so that morning? Yet she knew it was dishonest to think that way; Abel Cromhout held the views he had expressed that morning, it was only whimsical thinking on her behalf that her son should not have heard those views. Her motive in asking Falk to attend church with her that morning had been to have the possibility of Cromhout’s more radical views being exposed. The real question was, could she live with a man who believed as he believed, and could she live with a man who her son would have nothing to do with? It had been flattering when he started paying her attention. Many had told her of the arrival of Dominee Cromhout four years previously, how the church elders had organised a town reception for the new dominee and his wife, children lining the street, waving the South African flag, the beautiful manse, just a hundred metres from the church, filled with flowers. He was a special man in that community and he had chosen her to be his friend, and perhaps more. She had often wondered why she had been selected for his favour. He was twenty years her senior, and she was still a relatively young woman, an acceptable widow with a good figure and related to a wealthy family. It was enough, she supposed. And for her? Was there anything beyond the superficial attraction of the town’s acceptance, no, the town’s eulogy, of the man? Not really, not when she saw him through her son’s eyes. She had been on her own for so long, and it had been a pleasant thought that she could have a partner once again. But perhaps not this man. She would let him know that she needed more time to contemplate a change to her widowed existence, find out more about his beliefs and the flexibility he could exercise to modify them, slow the courtship. And her son did not need to know that it was he who had cast this doubt in her mind; for now she needed to think how she was going to explain Walter’s paranoia, the anxiety that led to him taking his life. Falk was sitting just as he had been when she left, the stiffness of his posture showing his deep concern for the revelations that were to come. “So Ma, will you explain?” “Yes, my son, I’ll try as best I can. Your father had become concerned at the new apartheid laws that were being introduced in the country in the 1950s, when you were a young boy. No, that’s the wrong word, he was more than concerned; they worried him sick.” “Which laws?” “I don’t remember the names, the ones about race, the ones that defined who we are, what race, etcetera.” “You mean the Group Areas Act, and the Population Registration Act?” “Yes, those were the names. Do you know about them?” “Yes, Ma, I read about them at school. I don’t know much about them. It made me sad that non-whites are being treated that way, but I guess I just thought it’s not my problem.” “Well, maybe it is your problem, son. You said earlier that you are descended from a Khoikhoi woman. That’s what your father agonised about, that very fact. He used to go through the whole family history with me. The Coloured blood in your family got watered down; apart from the first Khoikhoi woman there was only one other union that introduced Coloured blood - I think it was the son of the first Baartman boy, he married a Coloured woman. All the other partners in the family, as far as he could find out, had married women of European extraction. But those two women in the family meant, strictly speaking, that the Baartman’s are Coloured.” “Jeez, Ma, we’re talking about over a hundred years ago, more, a hundred and fifty.” “Yes, that’s what I kept telling him, but he got more and more concerned that he would be classified Coloured, and that you would be too.” She let him think about it, saddened that she had to introduce this concern, but knowing that she could not explain his father’s suicide unless he fully understood the possibility of a re-classification of the family. “So it’s a real possibility that this could happen to us. Not to you, Ma, but to me, and to Tess. I read that they are starting to look into the ancestry of people. I don’t know where I read that, I wasn’t much interested. I suppose I should get interested. “So what happened in Dad’s case?” “It killed him son, it led to him taking his life. He became obsessed with the shame it would bring on me and you and the radical change it would make in our lives. His obsession was so great that he could no longer live with the agony of his thoughts.” “Oh, God Ma, that’s terrible. Those bloody laws killed him.” Like his father before him, Falk obtained copies of the two laws in question, and the other laws pertaining to a separation of the races, and he made a study of them. What he learned alarmed him, both for himself and his Aunt Tess, but also for the non-white people of the country. Mostly, he was disgusted that he had not paid attention to what was happening in the country. Surely there were Whites who resisted this massive unfairness? His readings found them, lone voices, themselves persecuted for their opposition. His feelings of remorse were so acute that he started to write about it, writing for himself, just to get his thoughts and emotions on paper. And because he needed the freedom of his own space to do the writing, he moved to the smaller house on the adjacent farm once the tenants occupying it had served the notice period. He spent many days at the western end of the town, where most of the Coloured people lived, observing, talking to them, even joining a few drinking sessions with them on a Friday night, sessions which gave him monumental hangovers. He tried to breach the chasm between himself and the people he met: poor people, people with little education, different concerns, hunger, lack of money, sex and drink as escapism, too many children, lots of hatred for the privileged in the town, those blamed for their predicament, little self-belief, only pockets of pride and achievement, mostly among the religious, Muslim and Christian alike, maybe Muslim especially, their God’s laws giving them order and discipline. All became the subject of his writing, the stories flowing, about individual people, about group behaviour, about despair and a wild kind of joy, and great acts of compassion towards each other and acts of self-destruction. 3. Falk needed to find an occupation in keeping with his new-found love of the written word in particular, and creativity in general. He was helping on the Prince Albert farms, not supervising them because the foreman was still in place and doing a good job. The farm work that he had so enjoyed during his school holidays had now become a chore. In a way, that was good for he had his studying to do, the matric to complete by correspondence and, of increasing interest, the course on journalism. For the latter he had submitted assignments with content heavily laden towards the social effects of Apartheid and had received a number of letters of censure from his teachers. He recognised the danger of continuing that line of writing with UNISA, which did not have the culture of academic freedom that prevailed at some of the campus universities. The answer to his quest for a different occupation became obvious to him once he’d made a systematic review of what was available in Prince Albert; there was no stationary store, no place to make copies or send faxes without asking favours, no outlet for the many artists settling in the town, nor a place where they could buy supplies, no place to develop photographs for printing, no local newspaper. He tackled the problem with relish: the legal requirements, the business zoning of the town, what property was available and its suitability, how faxes worked, the economics of copiers, where to print a small newspaper, how to develop a photograph, where to find suppliers for the goods he would sell. When he had it all together he wrote up his plan for the Prince Albert Writers and Artists Mecca and went to see his Aunt Tess. His aunt went through the document slowly, not asking a question once during the reading. Falk could see that she understood it fully from the way she would look up sometimes as if contemplating what she had just read and then her eyes would return to the page, or refer back to an earlier passage. He knew her business acumen, honed through running the Baartman empire for the more than twenty years since her father died. In the quiet of her reading, he noticed her hands, old and gnarled, the blue veins prominent. It’s funny how the hands tell the age most, he thought to himself, shocked to think that this clever and resourceful woman was in her mid-seventies. When she finished she looked him directly in the eye, a half smile on her lips, the look inscrutable otherwise. “So, you’re not going to be a farmer.” “No Tess, I hope that doesn’t let you down.” “Let me down? No, it doesn’t let me down. So what do you want to be, Falk?” “I want to be a writer. But I have to earn a living until I’m established; this business would at least put me in touch with the tools of my trade, and hopefully with others of similar ambition.” “Yes, I can see that. “Sometimes you spook me, Falk, so like my father. Just like him when he contemplated doing something new, such research, everything worked out. I can’t fault your reasoning young man, nor your projections.” “I’ve tried to be accurate, Tess. The need is there and I’m pretty sure of the cost projections, the tricky part is estimating the revenue the business will earn. I’ve asked many who might be interested in these goods and services, so it’s not just a thumb suck, but in the end it has to be a guess whether they will behave the way they say they will. “There is a positive for the future that I’ve not taken account of, and that is the possibility of getting tourist trade in Prince Albert; I’m sure with its climate and beauty the town will eventually become a place people will want to visit, and even to own holiday or retirement homes.” “I’m sure you’re right. Now, what about these properties, Falk?” “They are both residential houses at the moment, but zoned for commercial use. The one on Kerk Straat is the best for the business as it has the visibility and will require less to modify it. I know it is nearly thirty percent more expensive, but I think that it would be the better investment.” “And you want me to loan you the money for the deposit on the property and enough money for the initial equipment and stock?” “Yes, Tess, as I’ve laid out in the schedules. If my projections are right, it would take me just over three years to pay you back, including interest.” “And you can get a bond for the balance of the house payment, including the alterations you will undertake?” “Yes, I’ve made preliminary enquiries with the United Building Society in Oudtshoorn.” “I saw that. They’re prepared to loan an eighteen-year-old boy all this money?” “Well, I did use your name, Tess, and they would require a surety from you.” “I don’t give sureties, Falk, but we’ll come back to that. What about the farms in Prince Albert? What would you have me do with those?” His heart had sunk at her rejection of the surety idea, and he had to shake off his immediate disappointment to come back to her question. “I can continue to live there and act as the eyes and ears of the family, but you have a very good man in Joe Baker. He’s hard working and honest, and the staff like and respect him. I would think of giving him a minority shareholding and a profit-sharing bonus.” She laughed. “Just like my Dad. This is no surprise to me, Falk, your coming to me with a business proposal, and even your idea about the farms. I’m only surprised that you didn’t come to me a few months earlier.” He felt relief then, sure she was going to help him. “Okay, Falk, this is what we’ll do; I don’t like being indebted to the building society. If your projections are wrong, the business could go through a difficult time and you might not be able to service your debt. “I will give you the capital for the refurbishment of the house and the purchase of equipment and stock, and I’ll pay fifteen percent of the house cost; for that I want a twenty-five percent stake in the business. I’ll loan you the money for the balance of the purchase price of the house. The property will be in your name, and you will undertake to pay me back at ten percent per annum.” He was stunned by her generosity and quick decision making. “That is really fantastic Tess, thank you.” “And you don’t mind me being a partner in your business?” “I couldn’t ask for anyone better.” It took him three and a half months to open his doors. Three and a half months of frenetic activity until he could stand across the street and look proudly at the large sign above the verandah of the former house. WARM it read, and underneath the full explanation of the name: Prince Albert’s Writers and Artists Mecca. Flanking the verandah on both sides were billboards announcing the goods and services he offered. Falk took a chance on future business and hired two young Coloured people as shop assistants. In their own way both were characters, Joel the budding poet, the serious one, and Bianca - well Bianca was hard to describe, precocious and clever and very striking; she flirted with him when they were alone in an ironic but clearly serious way. It was a tantalizing prospect but one he kept at bay, knowing the dangers of pursuing it, both legal and in terms of good business practice. But he humoured her when she brought her mother in to meet him; it was as if he was a suitor. He was still four months shy of his nineteenth birthday, yet he owned his own business. The flood of business in his opening week was more than he had projected, but much of it was simply the curious among the small community and it soon settled down to the real customers, and that too was more than he had anticipated. Many artists came forward with offers to display their paintings and sculptures for commission, and the three rooms he had set aside and decorated for that purpose were soon full. Each piece had a bio of the artist and the price, all typed on thick bond paper. It was the production of his first newssheet which made Falk a character in the Prince Albert community. He wrote and edited every article, making sure the content would appeal to a wide audience, then went to Oudtshoorn to have the layout completed and the paper printed. That first edition contained no ads and comprised six tabloid pages. In researching the stories he made a wide variety of contacts, some of whom became friends. He was invited by a group of young farmers to join them on Friday evenings at the Bush Tavern, and there he got to know the young life in the town, his reputation mixed because of the two main stories about him: the rugby success and his expulsion for sleeping with a teacher. Both stories gained him notoriety of a kind. Some, mostly men, were favourably impressed, but others reserved their judgment. Falk’s first edition was free, and he distributed it through the stores in town, wanting the storeowners to see the reaction so that when he approached them for advertisements they would have a feel for its popularity; or so he hoped. For the young writer the most important part of his newspaper was the editorial; that was where he could put his ideas and opinions freely into print. Sometimes he chided himself that what he was doing was counterbalancing the sermons of Dominee Cromhout. There was truth in that, because he focused on the dysfunctional elements of community life, mainly to do with the unnatural separation of human beings of different colour. The contentious editorials became the first thing everyone read, even the most conservative of his readers, for it gave them a surplus of acid for their bigotry, but for some it was a confirmation of the feelings they had been afraid to air; now they could do so by referencing the young maverick who wrote them. By the third fortnightly edition, he was printing three hundred copies, and he had sufficient paid advertisements, mostly smalls, to make a small profit. Regretfully, he had to break the schedule for a month while he studied to complete his matric and the journalism course. When he wrote the papers in a supervised school hall in Oudtshoorn, he knew he had been right to do so and that he had passed well, had met his promise to his rugby coach. In the second week of December, Isa walked into his store, accompanied by two young women, obviously friends. He saw them through the window of one-way glass that separated his office from the main sales room of the store. His young Coloured assistant Joel went to their aid. Falk could not hear what was being said but he saw Joel direct them into the gallery section. Falk was overwhelmed and the emotions he had felt in Oudtshoorn that fateful day when he had left the school came flooding back to leave him breathless. He had never thought he would see her again, but had often wondered what he would say should that ever happen. Now he would find out. She had her back to him when he entered the first gallery room, studying a painting on the wall. Isa heard his approaching step for, in truth, that was what she had been waiting for, the study of the painting a facade, and she turned to face him. He could only mouth her name, and she the same, and then they stood, not knowing what to say, their eyes looking for the changes, finding that which had always attracted them to one another. One of Isa’s friends broke the impasse with a mischievous chuckle. “So this is why you took us so far out of our way, Isa.” Isa made the introductions and he was obliged to take in their names and make polite small talk, all the while his skin tingling at her proximity. Finally, the friends moved to another room and they were on their own, with too many questions to ask but difficulty choosing where to start. “How did you know where to find me?” “I’ve been writing to your Ma.” “She never told me. Why?” “You were my best friend Falk. I needed to know what happened to you. I asked your Ma not to let you know.” “Oh, I see. And what about you? I never knew how to ask after you. What have you been doing?” “I’m at Stellenbosch, just finished my first year, Falk. I’m studying law.” “And where are you going now?” “We’re going to spend Christmas with Louise; her folks have a cottage at Port Alfred.” “So this is a bit out of your way, a large bit, actually.” “Yes, we can’t stay long. I needed to see you, see if you are okay.” “I’m okay, Isa. Actually what happened is in a way a good thing, for I’ve found what I want to do with my life. I don’t mean that to sound like self-justification. Nothing like that. And of course I’ll always regret what happened, and that I lost you as a friend.” “No you didn’t. I’ll always be your friend. It’s just different now and will never be the same. That’s a loss, but I’ll always care for you, Falk.” “Thanks.” “So, what do you want to do with your life? Run this store?” He saw the funny side of that and his laughter was a relief for both of them. “The store is a means to an end Isa. I’m becoming a writer.” “Really? Have you written anything?” “Yes, quite a lot. In my job here I publish a newspaper and I write every word except the ads. Correction, I write some of them as well. I’ll give you a copy when you leave. I love writing the paper, especially the editorial which I must say has this town in a tizz. And then I’m going to publish a small book of my poetry in the new year. I’m just putting the finishing touches to it.” “God, I’m impressed, Falk. Can I see one of your poems?” “Yes. Some of them are on the walls here.” He was glad then that he had made the decision to put none of the poems about his joys and anguishes with Pauline on public display, although they would be in the book and Isa might well see them in time. He took her to a poem block-mounted and hanging on the wall, a poem about the leopard that killed his grandfather. She stood for a long time, reading it over several times and, when she turned to him, the tears were streaming down her face. “That’s your Grandfather Isaac, isn’t it?” “Yes.” “Did that happen to him?” “Yes Isa. I don’t think I could write with such emotion if it hadn’t been real.” “It’s beautifully written, Falkie. Trevor Weiss would be proud of you. You must get one of your poetry books to him.” He noticed the diminutive of his name and he was glad she had come to lay some of his devils to bed. They did not stay much longer after that, and when he walked them out to their car, Isa waited until the others were in the car before she had a final word with him. “Do you think about her, Falk? Pauline, I mean.” The lie came easily to his lips, but he stopped it in time. “Yes.” “Have you followed her movements?” “No, I haven’t.” “She’s in Port Elizabeth, Falk, working in the lab of one of the car companies. She has a chemistry degree, you know.” He nodded, wondering why she was telling him this. “Maybe you should visit her Falk; it can’t have been easy for her.” “Why are you telling me this, Isa?” “It’s no good not seeing things through, Falkie. You can’t move on if you don’t.” She came to him, gave him a hug and turned quickly and got into the car. He watched as the car went east on Kerk Straat, saw her wave at the back window. It was the last time he was to see her for almost fifteen years. 4. In January 1967 Falk went looking for Pauline. He left his store in the hands of the two young assistants he had trained over the preceding months. He did not level with his mother, as he did not want to give her needless worry; he had no idea what kind of reception he would receive in Port Elizabeth. It was meant to be a holiday, the first he had enjoyed since the expulsion from the school, earlier really, because he had worked on the farms during his school holidays. A whole week off, travelling down the Garden Route that he had so wanted to see in 1964 when the world was at his feet. He would dawdle down the Garden Route, for dawdle was all the old Toyota Stout could do anyway, stopping to camp when the mood and the scenery was right. His first stop was Sedgefield. He felt he knew it from the tales of Trevor Weiss, but he was disappointed. The caravan park was on the lake, not the sea, and the lake was shallow. He should have stopped earlier. That view of Wilderness from up high, with the beach and the quaint railway bridge across the river, had been marvellous. Nevertheless, he tried to make the best of Sedgefield and wandered the main street and the beachfront and slept the night under the pine trees in the campsite. The most vivid image he took away the next day was a house on the main street with concrete ponies as a garden wall. Next stop was Plettenberg Bay, the campsite on the Piesang River, within easy walking distance from the beach. The day had been stimulating, with Knysna begging to be explored, the Heads, the furniture shops in the town, and the birds on the mudflats. He was a mountain boy, mountains and desert, and the sea in its many forms was all new to him. Fortunately it was after the school holidays and not as busy as it had been the week earlier, as he would never have found entrance to the camping sites without a booking, nor would he have enjoyed the beach with the hundreds of bathers. He swam at Central Beach, cooling off. The day had been hot and sweaty and there was no air conditioner in the Toyota. But, when he sat on the beach afterwards, he was aware of how lonely he felt among all of those strangers. He could easily have trekked into the Great Karoo and slept out for many nights without feeling alone; it seemed that the unfamiliar had an attraction that did not endure. Or was it that he could no longer delay his mission, fooling himself that there was a secondary purpose to the trip? It had been easy to find which company she worked for; a few phone calls established that. She worked in the laboratory at Ford’s Neave Plant, in the heart of the old industrial area. He stopped for directions a few times, but soon the huge building loomed in sight, and he turned into the main gate area. It was just before 4.30 pm, a full half hour before the closing time in the laboratory. Immediately he was confronted with a problem: they would not let him into the complex unless he had a legitimate reason. He argued with the White security guard. “I’m here to see Pauline Augustine.” “Who isn’t, pal? Does she know you’re coming?” “She would want to see me.” “Wrong answer, pal. Does she know you’re coming to see her?” He parked in the visitor’s area outside the gates and went into the security building to make the phone call to Pauline. This was not the way he had envisaged the meeting. He had seen himself in a parking lot, waiting for her to come out and to see him standing there; speaking to her first on the phone was the last thing he wanted to do, but he did not know where she lived and she was not in the phonebook. He had to go through with it, or return to Prince Albert and wonder forever what might have been. Her warm voice was so familiar with her utterance of just one word. “Hello.” “Hello, Pauline. This is Falk.” There was a sharp intake of breath and then silence. “Pauline, did you hear me?” “Yes. Oh my God, Falk. Where are you?” “I’m calling from the security office here, at this plant where you work.” “Oh, my God.” There was another prolonged silence. “Listen, do you have a car?” “Yes.” “And where are you parked?” “In the visitor’s parking lot outside the main gate.” “What is the car?” “It’s a bakkie, a white Toyota Stout.” “Wait there. I’ll come to you when my shift’s over. It’s not long; I’ll be there in less than fifteen minutes.” It was a very long fifteen minutes - in actual time twenty; in his frenetic mind, hours. He could not decipher her reaction. There had been shock but he did not know if it was a shock of joy or horror. It could easily be the latter. Who would want to be confronted after nearly two years with a mistake, a very major mistake? How would she find him? He had grown a little, filled out, and he was fit, had not ignored his coach’s advice to keep himself ready for the day he could return to the playing field. But he was conscious of his clothes, had seen the impression he gave in the eyes of the security guard: disdain, disdain at his khaki shorts, and the sandals. Why had he not bought some clothes which would be more acceptable in her eyes? Too late now. She drove into the parking lot. The car was not what he would have expected, a red Ford Cortina Mk II. She was an unconventional woman; a red family car was not her image. All of these out-ofcharacter moments served to unnerve him. Pauline drove into the parking lot next to his Toyota, the passenger door exactly where he was standing. She leaned over and opened it a crack. “Get in, Falk.” It was a command. He climbed into the proffered seat and only then looked at her properly. Her hair was longer, still black and silky, with luxurious curls. The face was the same beautiful visage he remembered in his dreams. Only the eyes were different, anxious and troubled. “Why did you come, Falk?” The terse question unnerved him further. This was definitely not what he had hoped for, and he became defensive. “Would you rather I left?” “No, that’s not why I’m asking. It’s just such a shock seeing you again, having you follow me here. Why after all this time?” “I don’t know. I think about you all the time. A friend told me this was unfinished business. It is, isn’t it? We were ripped apart, and we accepted it like lambs, but it doesn’t have to be that way.” She thought about that, looking at him closely, remembering all of the times they had had together, the snatched moments of passion and companionship. “You’re looking good, Falk.” The change in mood and subject was a surprise and a relief. “Thank you, so are you. Terrific, actually.” “Oh, Falk, it’s not that easy. I’ve got commitments now, a boyfriend, a job. Why come and upset it all when I was just getting over it? All that hurt and shame.” “I don’t want to hurt you, Pauline. I just wanted to see you again to find out if there was anything left for us. If there’s nothing, I’ll be on my way.” “Wait, I have to think.” She was breathing erratically in her anxious state, and she took a moment to calm herself. “Let’s slow this down. Where do you live, Falk? What are you doing?” “I live in Prince Albert. I have a small business. It’s called ‘Warm’, short for Writers and Artists Mecca. I produce a small newspaper, sell stationary, sell works of art. And I write, that’s my passion.” “Goodness, Falk. All that in such a short time.” “Well, I’m that sort of person; all or nothing, you know that.” “Yes, I do. I shouldn’t be surprised. “Falk, this isn’t going to be easy. I don’t know what to think. You’ve got to give a girl time. I can’t be with you until I’ve thought this out, and maybe the answer will be that we are over and cannot start again. “I don’t want to talk any more about this. Where can I contact you?” “I’m at the Brookes Hill camping grounds. There is an office there, but I don’t know the number. I’m sure it’s in the book. You can leave a message for me. Can’t I have your number?” “No, Brad might answer the phone.” She regretted it the minute she said it. “I’m sorry, Falk. I didn’t mean to mention his name. He’s part of the thinking I need to do. You do understand, don’t you?” It was looking increasingly like he had made a mistake to seek her out, but then he corrected that conclusion. He had to come; he had to know, although he would now carry this new image into the future, one of a very beautiful and troubled woman. “Yes, I understand.” “I’m going to go now, Falk. I’ll contact you as soon as I sort this out in my head. You can’t hope or despair, for I have no idea how this will end.” She kissed him lightly on the lips and then leaned past him and opened his door. “Goodbye, my young hero. Maybe we’ll meet again.” It was not until the Thursday evening, three days later, that she came to the camping site. It had been a nerve wracking time. He had not wanted to leave the camping grounds in case she phoned, but eventually the waiting proved too stressful. Brookes Hill is just above Humewood Beach, and he could go down into Happy Valley and walk under the bridge to the beach, where he would burn the stress from his brain and his muscles by swimming to the end of the old piers and back. By day three he could make the round trip four times, only occasionally stopping to hang onto the ropes which dropped down into the sea from a steel cable stretching from the pier to the rocks on the north side of the beach. He ate at the Red Windmill, just a hundred metres from the beach: fast food, burgers and chips, curry and rice, fish and chips. Every time he returned to the camping grounds, he would go to the office and ask if there were any messages for him, embarrassed at the frequency of asking, especially as the day receptionist was a severe, middle-aged woman who made it quite clear he was bothering her. When he thought he could not take any more she was suddenly there, the red car slowly making its way through the caravans and tents to his site. This time there was no restraint and she kissed him passionately, and when they came up for air there was a look in her eye that he recognised. “You’ve made up your mind?” “No, not yet, not fully, but maybe I’ve started the process. At least Brad has gone, that much I could decide. Now I need to find out if you and I still have that magic.” “Didn’t the kiss give you a hint?” “It was a good start. Look Falk, you and I were never together without the fear of discovery; maybe that was an aphrodisiac. I hope not, as that would make what we did very shallow. But those were the conditions under which we met. Don’t you think we should try a few days together just as lovers with no fear, do what the normal folks do?” “I can’t fault that thinking.” “You see, you have changed. Suddenly a dry sense of humour. I like it. So you’re okay with the idea?” “Oh yes, I like it a lot.” “Good, that’s settled then. I’ve taken tomorrow off and booked us into the Beach Hotel for three nights, starting tonight. Tonight until Sunday; that’s when I have to go and claim my flat back from Brad.” That first night they hardly slept, eating a room service meal between the first and second bouts of lovemaking, talking up a storm during the other breaks between the infinitely satisfying assaults on each other’s bodies. On the Friday she took him to an outlying shopping centre to purchase slacks and closed shoes so they could go to the restaurant in the hotel. They did not think any further excursions were necessary, other than quick swims in the sea and walks early morning and late afternoon along the beach front. By the Sunday morning they knew almost everything there was to know about each other and she had a new respect for him. She had last known a work in progress, now he was almost fully fledged, sensitive and brilliant, a go-getter and thinker. Apart from the age gap and the unfortunate history which she worried would cause difficulties, she could not find a more lovely man to spend the rest of her days with. The disclosure for him was a little different. She was in a job she hated, a routine she could not stomach, an unhappy relationship which she had now apparently ended but, most distressingly, she seemed to have an inability to let the past go. But he easily overlooked those thoughts. She would be in a new environment, the past would be forgotten, the job no longer a daily thorn. He loved her and they could overcome anything together. They made love one last time on the Sunday morning and it was then, lying on the dishevelled sheets, the smell of sex in the room, that she asked the searching questions which exposed her fears. “What will the community think of me, Falk?” “Well, they know all about us. We can’t hide that. What will they think? The men will wish it was them who you had chosen. The women? I don’t know Pauline; you’ll have to make friends with them.” “What will I do?” “Take some time off, get over the lousy job you had here. Help me if you want to, but there’s no hurry, is there?” “I guess not. I have enough saved that I won’t be a burden on you for quite a long time. Maybe you’re right. I should just settle in, and take it day by day. But I really worry about your mother and your Aunt Tess. I’m sure they blame me for what happened at the school.” “Pauline, it doesn’t matter whether they do or don’t. If I’m to be honest, I think it will be difficult for my mother, not at all for Tess. We have to overcome that and we can if we’re a team together. I’ll tell my mother now, when I go back today, give her time to come to terms with it before you arrive, tell her how much I love you, what kind of person you are.” She absorbed his answers for a while, then asked a question which suggested she had made up her mind. “You’ll have to come and fetch me.” “Why, what’s wrong with your car?” “It’s a lease car from the company. I have to hand it back.” “That’s a relief. I thought you’d chosen it.” “Not a chance. They give you the oldest car in the stockyard.” It was the only humorous part of their too serious discussion, both of them feeling the weight of the separation to come. “There’s still so much for me to do, Falk, before I can say for sure I’m coming to live with you. This weekend has been the most magic time of my life, but it’s not reality. Reality is the resignation I have to hand in, the termination of the lease to my flat, moving arrangements, all those things which are awkward and not fun. “Reality is also facing my parents who live in this city and have already received enough shocks from me. “I still don’t know if I can trust myself to have the courage to do all those things and, until they’re actually done, I can’t promise you anything. I’m sorry, that’s just the way I am. “Please don’t tell your mother until you’re sure of me. I’ll keep in touch I promise.” Falk could do nothing but accept those terms. In a way, Falk was glad to have the few days of reflection before Pauline phoned him. He was not sure what outcome he wanted, because her insecurity and discontent with her present life bothered him. Would she be happy in any environment? Was she one of those persons who saw their fulfilment in only some future imagined place, and could not be truly happy in the present? If she decided not to come, he would forever remember with the regret of loss her warm, passionate nature, her quick mind and, of course, the wonderful sex. If she came, he would be true to her and build a life for them, a life where she could be fulfilled. In truth, he was too young for such life-changing decisions, but he was the kind of person who would always play the chips as they fell, a resolute man, even at nineteen years of age. The phone call came to his business. “Falk, I’m coming to live with you.” He felt relief and apprehension, disguised it well. “That’s truly marvellous; it will be wonderful having you here.” “Yes, I’m going to find it hard to get through this next month. Listen, I have to work my notice month, but I’ll be finished at the end of February. Can you bring that truck of yours? There’ll be things to move.” After they had discussed the details, and he had replaced the phone on his desk, he sat there staring sightlessly, imagining her in his town, meeting new people, glorious weekends in bed, and the whole imagined life with a person you love, out in the open. That thought reminded him he needed to talk to his mother and Aunt Tess. It was terrible news for Stephanie, and she could not hide her great anxiety for him and disdain for the woman who had cut short his school career. “How old is she Falk?” “Twenty-six.” “Seven years older than you. Don’t you think that will be a problem?” “Ma, I can’t debate this with you. How big an age gap is too big? Why should the man always be the older? We could go at it endlessly.” “My son, I fear this woman has a character flaw. She should never have seduced you when she was a teacher. Now she will come here without the possibility of using the education she has, maybe again driven by a whim. She seems to make decisions based on her physical needs, or some imagined nirvana of the future.” He was angered, mostly by the possibility of the truth of his mother’s opinion. But if Pauline had a character flaw, then so did he, for he had responded to her advances and would still do so. He would not, could not, go back on his decision. “So be it, Ma. Not all women have the strength of character that you have.” She knew she could not sway him and would have to make the best of it but could not help expressing one more hurt. “I stopped seeing Dominee Cromhout because I would not be with a man who my son did not respect. Wouldn’t you do the same for your mother?” “Oh Ma, I’m sorry it was me who forced that on you. I would hope you too couldn’t respect the narrow views he has; you are a person of compassion, with a heart for the downtrodden, he would have suffocated you. “I can’t go back on this decision Ma. You don’t know her yet so I ask you to give her a chance. I love her and will do everything to make her life a success here and to get on with people, especially you.” 5. Pauline surprised nearly everyone, particularly her potential mother-in-law. She was engaging and friendly, and came to be accepted equally amongst the young mothers and matrons at the Saturday morning market and the boisterous crowd at the Friday evening Bush Tavern parties. She was a more joyous person in her new life and the principal reason was that she confronted with Stephanie the shame of her actions at Oudtshoorn High. Pauline went to her one afternoon and the two sat on the back stoep and talked until it became too dark to see. Pauline was brutally frank, knowing that she would never be believed or accepted if she held anything back; she had already seen the honesty, integrity and humility of Falk’s mother. Stephanie was persuaded of the sincerity of the younger woman and her genuine love for her son and was prepared to forgive. The reaction was stronger for Pauline because it liberated her and the cloud of guilt and self-doubt was lifted from her head. Pauline also responded positively to other factors in her new environment, principal among them the beauty of the town and its surrounds and the love of her young partner. All gave her a peace and happiness she had never known before. Of course, there were enemies. Living out of wedlock and writing editorials decrying the unfairness of social engineering were bound to make for strong opposition to their lifestyle and opinions. Chief among their detractors was Dominee Cromhout and the elders of the NG church. But there were others, amongst them those jealous of the wealth and fame of the Baartman’s and those who coveted their farms and businesses. Falk and Pauline were not to know that these forces rallying against them were going to destroy their way of life. Falk had published his book of poems in February, printing only fifty copies, as he felt he might not find an audience for it. The language was as harsh and uncompromising as the open Karoo veld in winter, and the contents often graphic and personal. Whatever the reaction was going to be, the act of publishing his own book was a source of great pride and satisfaction. He could not help picking the slim book up frequently, looking at the simple cover, a line drawing of a mountain peak against a dark grey background, the title and author’s name in lower case; in the shadow of the swartberg; falk baartman. This was what he was all about, this little book, this first exposure of his naked soul to the world. He posted copies to a number of universities, addressing them to the head of the English and Afrikaans faculties, as he had no idea what channels he should choose. To his utter surprise, he received a letter from the secretary of the UCT English Department, inviting him to contact them when in Cape Town to arrange for him to do a reading to the Literary Society. He was amazed and showed the letter to both Pauline and Stephanie which was a mistake, as he had not given a copy to either of them to read because of the personal nature of some of the poems. Both of them demanded to read the work, and both recognised the woman who was the object of many of the poems, resulting in a cold shoulder from his mother and a quickening of the libido of his lover. The publication of the book of poems also gave him minor celebrity status in the town even though very few read or understood the work. He didn’t mind. The business was doing well, he loved the work and the contact with creative people, and he adored his partner and the life they were enjoying together. In later years he would always wonder if the blow that came that first Tuesday in July of 1967, on a miserable wet winter day, would not have been so much easier to stomach if he had not been so happy. Pauline had begun helping in the shop and had discovered that she had a talent for store keeping, a very important function in a stationery store with so many line items. She ran the purchasing section, forecast the movement of stock, received the orders, set them out on the shelves and periodically checked for shrinkage and re-ordering. It was not a full time job, so she had plenty of free time and, in any event, she liked being where Falk was. That Tuesday morning, she went to fetch the mail. When she returned, she went straight to the storeroom at the back, not saying a word to him. The behaviour was strange; she never passed through his office without a touch of affection. When she did not return, he went looking for her. At first, he could not see her and he had to round one of the shelves of stock where he found her, sitting on a chair between the stock shelves, the mail she had fetched strewn on the ground before her. She looked up and he saw her face. Never had he seen an expression like that. She looked manic, both frightened and angry. He was alarmed. “Pauline, what is it?” She shook her head violently. “No” she said, the word mouthed like an expletive. He went up to her and knelt before her. “What is it? Please tell me.” “No” she said again. It was then that Falk saw the letter in her hand. “Is it this? What is it?” He reached for it and she snatched it away. “You can’t see it.” “Pauline, if it has terrified you like this you have to show me.” She was shaking badly and he tried to comfort her but she shook him off. “Pauline, come on, please my love, show me the letter.” She thrust it at him. He saw the seal of the Republic at the top and the words “Ministry of the Interior” and that it was addressed to her, Pauline Edith Augustine, and then a few sentences. He was trying to speed read it and thought he had got it wrong and went back, trying to make sense of it, reading it slowly, although he had understood the first time, just could not believe it. It said that in terms of the Population Registration Amendment Act she had been classified Coloured. He looked up, and she was watching his reaction with a morbid fatalism. “What will you think of me? What will they all think of me?” He tried to calm his thoughts. What he said next might be the most important thing he would ever say to her. “They … I, will think no differently about you. You are Pauline Augustine, who I know and love. You cannot be classified; you are a person, your own person, as you’ve been forever.” “No you won’t. You’ll come to hate me.” “Because of a piece of paper from a government department?” “Because of what it means, because it changes my life. I’ll have to go and live outside town, in a hovel; I might as well join the karrietjiemense. Don’t you understand, Falk? I can’t do the things I love any more. They’ve made me a second class citizen.” “No they haven’t. That can’t be. This is a mistake.” He tried to comfort her again, and this time she allowed him to put his arms around her and she began sobbing, her face buried in his shoulder. His mind was trying to do two things at once: to unravel how this monstrosity could have occurred, was it a mistake, was it for real and for ever; and how could he best help her? She took a deep breath, a calming breath, and then she said quietly and with compassion, “I think there’s one for you too, darling.” He pulled back so that he could see her tear filled face. “One what?” “A letter.” He found it among the other mail on the floor. The same envelope and, when he opened it, the same message. He, Falk Baartman, had, in terms of the Population Registration Amendment Act, been classified Coloured. A strange thing happened to him. His life flashed through his mind images of his life, the valley, rugby fields, his mother, Isa, making love to Pauline - bunches of images, and he struggled to understand why it was happening and then he did. It was what she had said. The old life was over, those things would forever be seen and judged in a different context. He was no longer who he was. It was impossible to even think of the ramifications, so big was the change. But there had to be hope, it had to be a mistake; there surely was a way to rectify it? He sat at her feet, his back resting against the stock shelf. “Come,” he said to her, patting the floor next to him and she sat there also, and he put his arms around her and they rested there for a very long time, saying nothing, just feeling the warmth of each other’s body where they touched. He broke the silence. “I have to go and see Gerard Pieterse.” “Who?” “Gerard Pieterse, the lawyer.” “No, you can’t, Falk. Please no.” “Why not?” “Please don’t do it, Falk. As soon as you tell someone, our lives will change. Can’t we just keep it quiet, even if only for a few days? Please, Falk. Let’s not tell anyone.” They could not face clients, and he let the staff go home and closed the shop and they walked back to the farmhouse and got into bed and lay there for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening and they found succour in the most primeval instinct of man, like caged animals whose only real freedom is the act of mating. 6. Falk went to see Pieterse on the Thursday. He could not delay it for a second more, despite Pauline’s pleas; he had to know. The uncertainty of their future was the most debilitating emotion either had ever known. The shame of the expulsion from the school had not been nearly so crippling. They were in a limbo of anguish and fear. Falk had gone to the store on the Wednesday, but he could not stay and left it to his assistants. Pauline would not leave the house. Pieterse had handled Falk’s legal matters regarding the store, the property transactions and the registration of the company. He was a young man, just qualified a few years previously, an active sportsman. He and Falk had worked well together and had then become friends through the Bush Tavern. The office was in an old house on the west side of Mark Street, the verandah high above the street commanding a view over the town to the grey veld beyond, featureless but for the ribbon of gravel road trailing off into the far distance on its way to Seekoegat. Falk had been fitted into the lawyer’s schedule, but had given the secretary no hint of his business which was unlike him and had alerted Pieterse to expect something different. “What’s up, ou maat?” Falk said nothing, merely handed over the two letters. When Pieterse finished reading both of them he looked up and his face was a picture of sorrow. “Oh shit, Falk.” “It can’t be right, can it?” “Right it never can be, Falk, but unfortunately it’s authentic.” “How can it happen?” “It’s happening a lot, vendettas and other things, people with a grudge against their neighbours. You can lodge an objection at the Population Registration Office in Cape Town for only twenty Rand.” “You can destroy someone’s life so easily?” “Not quite so easily. The Registration Office has inspectors who investigate the details of the objection and only proceed if there is substance to the claims.” “But we weren’t investigated, Gerard.” “It’s not done openly. This whole Act is an injustice to one’s rights, Falk.” “But I still don’t understand. If it was investigated they would have found both Pauline and I were registered as Whites, that we both attended a White school.” “That doesn’t protect you, unfortunately. When this law first came into being in the fifties the main criteria was appearance and social issues, the friends you had, the language you spoke, and so on. But now the person’s ancestry is being investigated, sometimes generations back.” Falk knew what would happen if they had done that with his family, but he wouldn’t give up that easily. “Isn’t there a way to appeal?” “Yes, there is. “Look Falk, I’m not an expert on this, I only know what I’m telling you because I’ve just been reading about a case of a boxer in Cape Town named Ronnie van der Walt. I’ll speak to friends who know more and have specialised in these cases and I’ll come back to you.” “When?” “By Monday at the latest.” “Thank you, Gerard. You can imagine we will not rest until we know whether there is any way to correct this. “What was that about a case you were reading? A boxer? Van der Walt, was it?” “Yes, Ronnie van der Walt. He received a letter just like you. A few days later he was due to box in a tournament at Green Point Stadium and his name was withdrawn by the Cape Boxing Control Board.” “The bloody spineless bastards.” “Yes, right. Anyway, that basically put paid to his profession because there’s no money in Coloured boxing. He went to a lawyer and started preparing an appeal. It seemed the reclassification was a mistake as Ronnie, like you, had attended a White school. However, the lawyer, in investigating the defence, found that Ronnie’s wife was classified Coloured. If they appealed and those facts came to light, Ronnie would have been prosecuted and jailed for contravening the Immorality Act.” “For fuck’s sake, Gerard, this can’t be happening in South Africa.” “It is, I’m afraid.” “I never knew it could be as bad as this. So fucking unfair.” “Join the club, ou maat, not many Whites do.” “What happened to Van der Walt?” “He and his wife immigrated to Britain.” Falk decided he would never tell Pauline the Van der Walt story. She was in denial and his attempts to get her to leave the house were unsuccessful. He had found that the routine of work, the normality of it, gave him some relief, but she would not attempt it. Midday on the Saturday, when he returned home after closing the shop, he found her on the back stoep, staring across the farm lands. She did not respond to his greeting and he called out to her again with the same result. He went and stood in front of her, cutting off her view and forcing her to look at him and saw then that her eyes were unable to focus, a glazed vacant look in them. “What is it Pauline?” She took a long time to answer and when she did the word was slurred. Like her tongue could not deal with it. “Nothing,” she said, unable to pronounce the ‘th’. “Are you drunk, Pauline?” She glared at him, and then she seemed to shut him out, closing her eyes as if in denial of what she was going through. Her body started rocking and the tears squeezed from her eyes. Falk got his arms under her and picked her up, elbowed the back door handle open and carried her through to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He found an empty bottle of wine in the kitchen. They had taken to having a glass or two of wine on the weekends, and there was a small stock in the pantry. He could not remember how many bottles there had been, but it seemed that more than just the one had been drunk. When he went back into the bedroom a little later she was asleep and he stood looking down at her. She looked so peaceful, her beautiful face relaxed, her dark hair fanned out on the white pillowcase. He felt tremendous compassion for her, but knew that the drinking could easily become a dangerous escape. He had a premonition that this could become her life, that she might never overcome this misfortune, the ignominy of it. On the Monday morning, Pieterse’s office phoned and made an appointment for Falk later in the day. He could tell from the expression on the lawyer’s face that he was not the conveyer of good news. “I’ve found out what I could about the appeal process, Falk.” “And it’s not good, is it?” “Why do you say that?” “Look at you, Gerard; you look like someone has died.” “Sorry, I don’t mean to add to your burden but yes, I don’t think it is good news. “There are special appeal boards set up in the larger cities; one of them is in Cape Town. They are presided over by judges or magistrates, usually retired, and sometimes by appointed public officials with some legal background. “The bad news is that the normal rules of the court do not apply, Falk. They are regarded as enquiries only. You can have legal representation, but the entire hearing is regarded as confidential and you get no feedback. They hear you out, make a decision and that’s it. It’s not law, Falk; you have none of the normal rights of an accused person.” “But don’t you think I should try? How can I sit back and just take this?” “I’m not telling you not to try, Falk. I just don’t want you to think that you can go in there with rights. There’s another thing you need to think about before you make your decision; the process is brutal. There will be detailed questions about your ancestry, your friends, your mode of living, your school. They can call witnesses to testify to these matters, including any living relatives, your Aunt Tess, for example. “There will definitely be much emphasis laid on your lifestyle, Falk. Please excuse me, but I must be frank with you. You are living with a woman with whom you had a relationship when she was a teacher and you a pupil; you have made some of the intimate details public through your poetry.” Falk was incensed. “That’s got nothing to do with my race. What? Are White’s supposed to be angels? Whites don’t fuck?” “Calm down, Falk. I’m just telling it like it is.” “So they will use that sort of shit?” “Yes, and they will try to discredit your family.” Falk thought then of what it would mean to his aunt. Could she then be also found to be descended from a non-white person, and be reclassified? He could not do that to her, not without her permission, not without her knowing the risk to herself. “Do you know who the presiding officials are in Cape Town?” “Yes, I’ve got it somewhere here.” He went through documents in the file and found what he was looking for. “There are several, but it seems that most cases are handled by an official of the Population Registration Office. His name is Malherbe Coetzee.” The name was a shock. It was a long time since Falk had thought about his first headmaster at high school. Could it be the same man? “Do you have any background on him?” “Yes, let’s see. Often knowing who the presiding officer is can help prepare the appeal and my contact has information on all of them. Here it is. He’s originally from the Transvaal, been with the Ministry of the Interior for three years, previously in education. He’s seen as an ardent supporter of the process of segregating the races, probably got this position because of his loyalty to the Nats. Extreme loyalty, my friend writes here.” Pieterse noticed Falk’s expression of concern. “What’s up, do you know the man?” “He was the Headmaster of Oudtshoorn High when I first went there. I had a run in with him over the standard I was supposed to go to. Eventually Aunt Tess intervened and got the school board behind her. It led to him being dismissed.” “That’s an incredibly bad coincidence, Falk.” “Yes, Tess is at risk. I wonder why they went after me and not her.” “I can’t be sure, but it’s probably that she’s a more difficult target. I’m afraid you’ve made enemies of the old guard here in town, Falk. It would have been one of them who lodged the objection against you. Maybe your Aunt is out of the frame: she’s respectable, churchgoing, influential and rich.” Falk could not help thinking that he was none of those things. “The appeal is out, Gerard. I can’t put others at risk. “So this is it. This is my life, consigned by some pricks in Pretoria to conform to their idea of what class of human I am: not like them, a lesser being. “Tell me Gerard, how long do we have before this becomes common knowledge?” “I’m not sure. You heard with Ronnie van der Walt how the Boxing Board acted on it immediately. They must have been told, but I don’t know by whom. I do know that the lists of those reclassified are published in the Government Gazette every year, that would be January I would think.” When Falk got home his mother was there. Pauline had finally left the house but she had not gone far, just to the neighbouring farm to speak to Stephanie. It was at least a start, Falk thought, and he was grateful that he did not have to break the news to his mother, constrained as he had been by Pauline’s paranoia. Stephanie came to him and put her arms around him, her head against his chest. “Oh my son, my son. It’s just as your father predicted.” He could offer her no word of consolation and she asked the question he was expecting. “You’re going to be able to fix this mistake, son, aren’t you?” Looking over her head he could see that Pauline was also waiting for that reply, a half smile on her face in anticipation of a positive reply. “No, Ma, we can’t fix it.” He felt his mother’s reaction, saw his lover’s. Stephanie broke away and stared at him in horror. She knew her son, knew he would fight to explore every avenue and this apparent capitulation could only mean there was no hope. “Come on, Ma, let’s sit here with Pauline and I’ll tell you all about it.” Falk told them everything Pieterse had said, almost word for word. When he came to the name Malherbe Coetzee they both recognised it, but only Pauline knew the full extent of what that meant. As a teacher she had seen even more than Falk the man’s bigotry and religious fanaticism. He concluded, “Coetzee will not let another preside over this case. He has a score to settle with the Baartmans. But even if he was not the presiding officer, there are two other reasons why I cannot appeal. The first is that Aunt Tess will definitely be at risk of reclassification. I cannot do that; she has been wonderfully good to our family, Ma, and to me in particular. “The second concerns you, Pauline. I believe you have been targeted because of your relationship with me. You can go to Port Elizabeth and make your appeal there. Once you are no longer attached to me, I believe you would have a chance of winning.” If she had ever doubted the character of her young lover those words dispelled such doubts. “Thank you Falk. You know what that means to me? It tells me that I was not wrong to do what we did at the school. I saw in you, a seventeen year old, something I’d not seen in another man. “I also have two reasons why I cannot make this appeal. My grandmother, my mother’s mother, is Coloured. She is still alive and living in Gelvandale, one of the Coloured areas in Port Elizabeth. My father did not know that when he met and fell in love with Mom, and when he found out he didn’t care, he loved her so much. “My parents live in Framesby, one of the White suburbs. I don’t think they worry about Granny’s race, like I never have. But there is no doubt in my mind that Mom would not survive an appeal I would make. She would have her life turned upside down as mine has been. “The second reason is much closer to home. I think I’m pregnant, Falk.” 7. It was nearly three months before the knowledge of their changed status leaked into the community. Every day of anonymity was regarded as a gift, although they began the process of withdrawing from White society. They turned down invitations and no longer went to the Bush Tavern. Tess was told, and was philosophical about her own possible reclassification. Had Falk not had other considerations, his love for Pauline and the baby to come, she would have urged him to appeal and the devil with the consequences. Apart from the four of them, and the lawyer Pieterse, there was one other who knew of their fall, and that was the unknown person who had made the objection to the Population Registration Office. Falk was convinced it was Dominee Cromhout but, when the rumours started to spread, it seemed it was another, although in the end nothing could be proved. Hans Van der Mescht had emigrated from Holland and settled in Prince Albert in the late ’50s. He was builder by trade, and had had little capital when he arrived. Within a few years, however, he’d graduated from building for others to doing so for himself, becoming a developer. It seemed he shared Falk’s belief that the town would become a sought-after destination for holiday and retirement homes, and in pursuit of the anticipated influx he was particularly interested in purchasing commercially-zoned land in the central sections of the town. Initially, Van der Mescht was well received by the citizens of the town. His first customers expressed satisfaction at the quality of his work and his ability to stick to time schedules. Then word started to spread that he did not pay his bills; suppliers had to wait months, staff often did not get their weekly wages. Most had to fight to get the money they were owed, and often could only achieve this by sacrificing part of the payment because of some perceived nonperformance. By the time Falk started his business, Van der Mescht’s reputation was of a hard man who wasd not above cheating to build his wealth. Only those who were desperate dealt with him. He bought the property next to Falk’s store and made an offer to purchase Falk’s property. The offer was rejected. From that point on Van der Mescht started making life difficult for the young businessman by embarking on a campaign of annoyance; angle grinders would sing incessantly, waste was dumped on Falk’s property, workmen used Falk’s water and left the taps running. It never ceased. Falk eventually became so enraged at the continuous harassment that he accosted Van der Mescht and threatened to beat him up. The older man realised the threat would be carried out and stopped the campaign. Then, in October 1967, he came into Falk’s store and asked to see him. Falk immediately noticed the change in Van der Mescht’s demeanour. The older man had always displayed an arrogance that was aggravating, but now complete disdain was added as an overlay. “I will now buy your store Baartman, now that we find that you are a Coloured. I always suspected as much, you and that Mevrou of yours.” Falk nearly physically ejected the man at that point but held himself in check; rather find out what this meant before doing so. “What are you talking about?” “What everybody is talking about, ne. You are a Coloured and cannot own property in town. You must sell to an approved buyer. I am the approved buyer. What do you say now, junge?” “This is what I say,” said Falk, and he punched the man in the face and followed him as he stumbled away, kicking him in the backside so that he fell off the verandah onto the street pavement. It seemed the word spread fast because when he got to Pieterse’s office he knew about it. “I wish I’d seen it, Falk, but I also wish you hadn’t done it.” “You know already?” “Yes, and I’m sure the police also know. The bastard will no doubt be down there already, laying a charge of assault against you.” “Ah, shit. I’m sorry, Gerard, it was extreme provocation and the man is such a fucking arrogant bugger.” “Tell me what he said?” Falk repeated the few words that had been exchanged. “It’s started Falk; the word will be all over town before this evening. I wonder if he was the one who lodged the objection against you, did it just to get his hands on your property.” “What are my rights?” “Pretty much none, I’m afraid. Non-whites are not allowed to own or run a business in a White area. It’s a criminal offence to reside in or own property in the areas of a race other than your own.” “That’s what I remember. God, the cruelty of it all. What compensation will I get?” “Wait here, Falk, I’ll get the Act.” Pieterse took longer than expected to return to the room. “Sorry man. I decided to phone the commander at the police station, Anton van Rensburg. You know him?” “Yes, I’ve met him.” “Van der Mescht has laid a charge of assault against you, so I told the commander what happened. Fortunately no one likes the Dutchman and he believes your story. But we’ll have to go to court in Oudtshoorn.” “We’ll have to go?” “Ja, that is if you want me to represent you.” “Of course I do. Thanks, Gerard. It would have been nasty and embarrassing if they had come to arrest me. I don’t think Pauline can take much more.” “That’s okay. “I found the relevant part of the Act that deals with compensation. It’s a bit complicated. “This is how it works. You take the market value of the land on which your store is built. That should be easy to calculate, as Van der Mescht just bought the piece of land alongside you, so we will know what he paid. “So that’s your start. To that you add the estimated cost to build your store from scratch and then you depreciate that estimated building cost. Depreciation for you is minimal because you only bought it last year.” “And the renovations I made?” “I’ll have to get advice on that, Falk, ask some colleagues down in Cape Town who’ve been through this procedure with clients. The way I read it, you estimate the cost to build the store as you have it now, which means you won’t get the full value of the renovations back. “Are you with me so far?” “Yes.” “Right, now the authorities are the ones who will be buying you out, but they can also put you in touch with other qualified buyers. I think this is what Van der Mescht was saying; that he is an approved buyer. Hopefully there are others because he will screw you for sure.” “Will you find out for me?” “Yes, I’ll handle the whole thing if that’s what you want.” Falk nodded, thankful that he had the support of Pieterse. “Okay, good. Now there’s more. The final value is determined by what you get for the property compared to that theoretical value we just talked about. If you sell for above that amount, half of the ‘profit’, the difference in other words, goes to the Group Areas Development Board.” “So I can’t even pocket all of the profit I make?” “No, only half of it.” “What will they do with the other half?” “Presumably it goes to funding the cost of purchasing all of these properties.” “And if the purchase price is less than the theoretical price?” “That’s catered for in the Act, so at least it will not be a total loss. They will pay you back eighty percent of the difference.” “So when does all of this happen?” “It’s going to happen immediately I would think, Falk. Van der Mescht wants your property, so he is going to contact the authorities and start the process. If he didn’t, we would anyway because now that you understand the ramifications of the Act you would become liable for criminal prosecution if you continued to run your business there.” “You mean I should close it immediately?” “I would think you would be given some leeway, to sell your stock, collect from your debtors, pay your creditors, that sort of thing. I’ll find out and let you know.” Falk understood the commercial transactions that would have to take place, but he could not get his mind around the reality of it, his livelihood taken from him, his passion for the things he was doing, the newspaper, the artists whose works he displayed and who provided him with an infinite richness of ideas. All of it gone. He suddenly remembered Pieterse’s earlier comment about not being able to live in a so-called White area. “What about where Pauline and I live Gerard, the farm?” “Oh hell, Falk, that’s right, you have to consider that. I honestly don’t know if the farms fall outside the areas declared White. They’re inside the municipal boundaries, but I don’t think they have been declared to be in any race group. “I’ll find out about that as well, but I do know that farms have nonwhite employees’ living on the property and dispensation is made for that, but they have to be declared to the authorities.” “So Pauline and I will be declared to be Coloured labourers living on the farm,” he said bitterly. “Let’s not jump the gun Falk, I’ll find out.” 8. Pauline managed her depression by focusing on the growing life in her body. She had never imagined herself with child, had always seen herself as being independent. Of course there would be men, but the impediment of a child, never. Now she had this intense interest in another being, imagining the small life growing, limbs becoming distinct, ears and eyes and mouth, a little bit of her. Would it be a girl or a boy; what did she want? A girl, definitely she wanted it to be a girl. When would her child move enough for her to feel it? She went to Stephanie every day now, the two becoming conspirators, the older woman sharing her knowledge, reassuring when the morning sickness came, encouraging good food practices and exercise. It was a joint venture and it kept the reality of what was happening around them at bay. Falk talked to her about the sale, Van der Mescht’s underhand attempts to have himself declared the sole buyer, the bribes they thought he was paying but which they could not prove. At one level she took in what he was saying, but on another level she retreated into her fantasy world, populated by images of her child and the nursery, she the model mother, the child quiet and happy, no bother. She was fortunate he did not bring his bitterness into the home, the slights he was forced to endure daily, sometimes from people he had regarded as friends. Nearly all of his customers had deserted him, leaving him with unsold stock which he knew he would have to dump in the end, losing thousands. The artists who displayed their works in his gallery were the most supportive group, many openly, but they too eventually removed their creations from his store for all could see that no-one went there anymore. He had to bring Pauline back to reality regarding the issue of identity documents. They had to make application for new identities for without them they would not be able to register their child. When the documents came, Falk did not show her their race classification, the eleventh and twelfth numbers, 01, Cape Coloured. So simple and yet such a profound change to go from 00 White to 01 Cape Coloured. Who could ever have hated enough to demean millions of humans in such a way? He was sometimes resentful that she made him face the outside world alone, but then always chided himself for such selfish thoughts; he should be happy that the mother of his child was in a better space, for would not the child benefit from a calm mother? Certainly he was grateful that she no longer had the need for alcohol to escape into a twilight zone in which the realities of life appeared only through a golden filter. Strangely, Pauline’s pregnancy increased her ardour and sometimes when he came home in the evening he found she had prepared a romantic scene in the bedroom and she wanted him to join her on the bed immediately, her fervour obviously fuelled by some hours of anticipation. Those days brought an escape for him also, a sweeter side to life, passion and love, a reminder that, no matter what your circumstances, the union of a man and a woman was at the heart of human existence. Falk had laid off his two young staff members but they refused to leave. They had no other work and they said they preferred to come into his shop for no earnings than to stand around Pep Stores all day long. He was grateful for the company, and knew their true motivation was personal support for his plight; he had become one of them, a symbol to the coloured community, and a living example of the unfairness of the Nationalist government. Falk’s achievements were what they believed they could have achieved given an equal chance to education and jobs, his demise was their demise, brought about by the Apartheid system, the brainchild of the hated boere. The days dragged for Falk. He would be up early and in the fields to pick vegetables for his young assistants, the food the least he could give them for their loyalty. In the shop there was little work, even the daily mail run he assigned to one of his helpers because it was uncomfortable to walk through the streets, all eyes following him. He tried to write, but the bitterness of loss was too great and his mind drifted off into an endless litany of self-pity, balanced by hatred for those who had caused his predicament, the predicament of what he was to do with the rest of his life. There was nothing to keep him in Prince Albert. He was waiting for the court case to be held In Oudtshoorn, the dissolution of his small business, the arrival of the ID documents and the birth of his child. In two of those matters he was being assisted by Gerard Pieterse and the meetings with Pieterse were highlights of his week because the lawyer was one of the few who dealt with him as if there was no change to his racial status. That could not be said of others in his law practice whose demeanour more closely reflected what Falk was subjected to by most Whites. It was a subtle thing that Falk could not put adequately into words. His Thesaurus could do it better, giving synonyms to describe the superior attitude he confronted daily; arrogant, condescending, disdainful, patronising, lordly and another half dozen. Pieterse had persuaded a number of persons dealt with harshly by Van der Mescht to testify as to the man’s character, supporting Falk’s defence in mitigation that the provocation was extreme, but when the day arrived they made excuses. It had been agreed that the two of them would join with Pieterse and Falk at the law office at dawn and travel together. They were not there when Falk arrived. “They’re not coming Falk, they both phoned me last night.” It was just one more disappointment. “Why didn’t you call me?” “And give you an uneasy night? Why would I do that?” “Okay. What’s their excuse?” “It was just that Falk, excuses. It doesn’t matter what excuses they used, both were probably lies. I’m sorry, Falk. In the end they didn’t have the guts to support an unpopular cause.” “Now my cause is even less popular than the character of Van der Mescht?” “It would seem so. I’m sorry, ou maat.” At the Magistrate’s Court in Oudtshoorn there was a pleasant surprise. Waiting outside the main entrance was his old coach, Jan Robertse. “Meneer, what are you doing here?” “No more meneer, Falk, You’re not in school any more. I’m here to support you.” “But how did you know? Sorry, support me you say. That’s wonderful but why, and how did you know about this case?” “It was in the local paper, Falk. As to the how and why of my support, let’s just say you were one of the most amazing boys I’ve had the good fortune to teach and to coach. Your plight has touched the hearts of a few of us who knew you well; both Odette and Helen will also be coming.” Gerard Pieterse had been outside the conversation, but had heard the entire exchange and introduced himself. “More, ek is Gerard Pieterse, Falk’s lawyer.” “I’m sorry, Gerard. This is Jan Robertse, my former teacher and rugby coach.” The two shook hands and Pieterse plunged straight into the idea which had come to him when he overheard the conversation between Falk and Robertse. “Would you be prepared to attest to Falk’s character, Meneer Robertse?” “Yes, what do you have in mind?” “Well, it is true that Falk assaulted Van der Mescht; he hit him and chased him out of his shop. We are not able to refute the charge, so we need to show that there was extreme provocation. We asked two men from Prince Albert to accompany us here today to testify to the character of Van der Mescht, but they let us down, made excuses at the last minute.” “What was the provocation?” Pieterse looked to Falk, who nodded. “Van der Mescht bought a plot of land next to Falk’s business. He wanted to also buy Falk out and, when his offer was rejected, he did everything in his power to be a nuisance, making excessive noise in his building operation next door, leaving waste on Falk’s property, using Falk’s water. Just causing disruption to force Falk to sell to him out of sheer frustration. “Then, Van der Mescht heard about Falk’s reclassification of race and he came into the shop, made disparaging remarks about Falk’s character and told him he would now be forced to sell and he, Van der Mescht, would be the approved buyer. “Falk had known of his changed race status for some time, but this was the first person in the community to confront him about it. You can imagine the distress this caused Falk, word of his cruelly changed status coming from the one who had been victimising him for months.” Robertse heard the story with sadness, and could not help but express what he felt. “I’m sorry, Falk. Some of this was in the papers, but not the full story. You have certainly had your share of misfortune, young man.” He turned to the lawyer. “I’ll help where I can. What would you have me do?” “Testify as to his character. If you found Falk a person of moderate temper, well controlled, you could say that.” Robertse laughed. “I found him to be the fiercest tackler I’ve ever coached. Look, I know this just came to you, but have you thought it through? What if when you put me on the stand they ask me about other matters, about the relationship between Falk and Pauline for instance?” Pieterse thought about that. “Ja, you’re right. Sorry, ou maat, it’s just you and me then.” Falk was reminded once again how he had messed up his life, even when he was a so-called White, and a debilitating melancholy settled on him. He wanted them to stop talking about it. “Let’s move on, can we?” They both noticed the lethargy in his voice. Fortunately Odette Wilkins and Helen de Jager arrived at that moment. Both of them greeted him warmly and hugged him, those actions meaning much more to him than anything which had gone before that day. The trial was a quick affair, and fortunately the magistrate was persuaded that there was extreme provocation from both the witness given by Falk and the pompousness and obvious exaggeration of Van der Mescht, and he gave the most lenient sentence available to him. Falk was found guilty and given a fine of one hundred Rand, or thirty days in prison, both suspended providing he did not commit a similar offence for a year. It was a rap over the knuckles, but one which was to have serious repercussions in the future. The buyer of Falk’s business and property was a complete surprise. He had tried without success to attract buyers other than Van der Mescht. Ideally, he would be able to find a buyer for the business and the property so that he could sell his stock and equipment at market values, but both he and Gerard Pieterse had been stonewalled by the local community. Then, surprisingly, Pieterse seemed to withdraw from an active role in soliciting a buyer, much to Falk’s dismay. The lawyer had been his staunchest ally. Falk had misjudged him, as he found out when he was asked to attend a meeting at the lawyer’s offices. Pieterse’s secretary told him to go right in, his Aunt Tess was with the lawyer and his mother had just left. The two of them stopped talking when he entered the room. “Hello, Tess.” Then he turned to the lawyer. “I’ve just heard my mother was here, Gerard, what’s going on?” “Come and sit, Falk. I think you’re in for a pleasant surprise.” He sat as instructed. His aunt began the disclosure. “Your mother has bought your property and your company, Falk.” He could only stare at her, a little open mouthed. She laughed, a delighted, almost girlish, laugh, and leaned towards him and slapped him on the leg. “Oh Falk, this is such a delight for me. I’ve struggled to keep it a secret from you because I know you. You would have tried to stop me for ridiculous chivalrous reasons.” They were both grinning at him and without knowing the reason he found himself responding, a brief joy in the midst of months of worrying. “Okay, you guys, you’re having fun. Are you going to tell me what the heck’s going on?” Pieterse answered. “Okay Falk, I’m going to give you the facts, and then I’m going to leave you and your Aunt Tess to discuss it. “Your mother has become the owner of the property on Kerk Straat and the owner of Warm. The purchase price of the property was exactly the same as the theoretical value as determined by the government, so no compensation or penalty is applicable. Our friend Van der Mescht was not prepared to match that price. The business was sold separately for R23 500, fifty percent over the net asset value of the stock, furnishings and equipment. “Your mother has signed all documentation and will take over the business and property from the first of next month. “Those are the bald details. Have you any questions?” “You’re joking, Gerard. I’ve got a thousand.” “Well, I think you should address them to your Aunt. I’ll leave you two to discuss it. If you want my input, I’m in the building.” After Pieterse left the room Falk did not talk for a while, looking at Tess, sitting smugly with her hands in her lap. He felt such love for her then that he stood and went to her and knelt next to the chair and put his arms around her frail bony shoulders. “You’ve been my guardian angel again, haven’t you?” “Sit, Falk, you’re making me uncomfortable.” “I’m staying right here. What have you done, Tess?” “Please sit, Falk. I’ll not tell you until you do so.” He relented, relinquished his hold on her and returned to his seat. “Okay, here I am. Now tell me.” “Right Falk. Now, I want you to just listen. I know how quizzy you are, but just this once wait until I’m finished. I’m going to start with me, then your mother and finally you. “Okay, my situation first. They will come for me. The farms here in Prince Albert are in the municipal boundaries and on the wrong side of town, the so-called White side. Someone will desire them and go for me, lodge a complaint that I’m Coloured. It will probably be some outsider like your lovely Dutchman. “So, I’m going to sell them. Sell them before I have to go through the same cruel process you’ve just had to endure. After that, there is no reason for anyone to bother me. Rooikrantz can remain in the hands of a Coloured person so, even if I’m declared Coloured, I can live out the rest of my days there, happily I might say. “Now your mother. No-one can have her declared Coloured. I’ve done a proper search, and the Cordier’s are solid White from the first settlers. If some idiot lodges a complaint against her, we can defeat it on appeal. “But she needs a place to live and, quite honestly, she also needs something to occupy her time. She can’t stay on the farm once it’s sold, so I’ve bought your business for her. I will be a partner in the background but all the documents will show her to be the sole owner of both the property and business. “Your mother loves the idea of trying to run your business. I think she sees it as a come-uppance to all those who’ve slighted you, your legacy living on so to speak. She knows quite a bit about the business from all you’ve told her, and she’ll hire the two young people you trained. She says she’ll be happy to live in the bedrooms in the back of the store, convert them into a flat of sorts. She’s also very happy to be right in town, as she has no desire to learn how to drive a car. “Now you, Falk. You will receive just under nineteen thousand Rand, after I take my share of the proceeds from the sale of the business. Have you given consideration to what you will do, now that this nasty episode is over?” “Yes, Tess, but first let me say how very fortunate my mother and I are to have you in our family. This solution of yours is brilliant and so typically you, thinking of everyone. “I’m very, very grateful to have this money. It will allow us to leave Prince Albert, for there’s nothing for us here.” “So you’ve made that decision, have you?” “Oh yes. We’ll leave after the baby is born.” “And that’s around March, isn’t it?” “Yes.” “Falk, can I make some suggestions? Will you indulge me?” “Yes of course. I would welcome it. You’ve been my wisest council, Tess, and I must say this horrific situation Pauline and I are in has bamboozled me so that I can’t think clearly anymore. The future is so uncertain, an absolute black hole.” “I know, son. At least I can imagine. Falk, you are the last Baartman. If you have a son it will be he who carries the name. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can secure the future of our family and this is what I’ve decided: the proceeds of the sale of the two farms here in town will go into a trust for your children.” He was astounded, had thought her words of advice would apply to him only, not look forward into the distant future. “Is that what you want?” “Oh, yes. The proceeds of the trust will go in equal share to your children as and when they turn twenty-five, but only if these Apartheid laws are overturned by then. I don’t want them receiving money until they are free. In the meantime, the trustee will be instructed to use the interest to pay for their education. There will be enough money for a decent education, Falk, and you must make sure they receive the very best. “Are you with me so far?” He could only nod his thanks, so overwhelmed was he by her generosity and far-sightedness. “The trustee will be your friend here, Gerard Pieterse. I have found him to be a young man with brains and a conscience. While I’m alive I will make sure he manages the trust well, after that it will be your job.” “Now about you, Falk. I’m well pleased that you have made the decision to leave Prince Albert. You need to go to a place where the Coloured folk can provide you with friendship and personal growth. There will be places like that. I’m sure that Cape Town has many communities of Coloured people like that; businessmen, teachers, philosophers, people you can talk to and admire. “Have you thought about attending university?” “No, Tess. Why would I do that? I have to earn a living for my family.” “You have enough money to last for many years, Falk. Listen, academic fees for the University of the Western Cape are only R175 a year.” “You’ve really studied this, haven’t you?” “Yes. You’ve been occupied with trying to sell your business, and that nastiness in Oudtshoorn. I’ve been trying to think how I can help you. The University of the Western Cape is a university for Coloureds. It is mainly to provide teachers and employees for the public service, but it is where the intelligent young Coloured people are going, Falk. How will you connect with such people if you don’t go there? Of course, you will eventually get to know such people but it will be a slow process; going to university will speed it up. “And there are thinkers there, Falk. One of the lecturers is a Coloured man named Alan Steed, a poet and playwright. You’ll meet him and other fellow writers. Think how stimulating that will be.” She was weaving a picture of attraction that was compelling. It was the first time in many months that he saw a glimmer of hope in the future, something he could look forward to. Then he thought of his responsibilities, Pauline and his unborn child. “I can’t, Tess. I have a child coming.” “Falk, listen to me now. There is no reason why you can’t fulfil both your obligations, to your new family and to your own development. You have the funds to do both. The money from your business will last you five or six years if you are thrifty. Get your education and make the contacts that will last you a lifetime.” “And what will Pauline do?” “I don’t know, Falk. Look son, you must accept that Pauline is not a very strong woman. I believe you should leave her here with your mother while you find your feet in Cape Town. Registration at the university is in late January. Go down there and find a place for your family, but only bring them down when the baby is established. Take that pressure off Pauline.” He slept fitfully that night and eventually got up, moving carefully so that he did not wake Pauline. She was five months pregnant and becoming uncomfortable and her breathing had become more erratic and sometimes she sighed deeply in her sleep and he imagined all the worries she was inflicted with. He went into the kitchen and switched on the light, dazzled by the sudden flood. He switched the light off once he had made a mug of coffee and went out to the back stoep when he had his night vision back. The next month would be December, the first of the hot months, but the nights were already balmy and it was no discomfort to sit in his short pyjamas. It was a dark night, but he could sense the mountains before him and to his right. It was a wrench to think of leaving that place, but it truly could no longer offer him anything. He had become a pariah in the place he loved the most. How bitter was that? Get rid of those thoughts, he told himself, concentrate on the future, and take out of it the best it had to offer in his circumstances. What about immigration? To where? He felt no affinity for any place across the oceans, or even on the continent. What was his background? Some native South African, some Dutch, some English, not enough of anything to think those two foreign countries could offer him more than here, even a blighted here. What about Tess’s ideas? He had been excited thinking about the possibilities after he left the lawyer’s offices. It would give him a challenge and she was right that it would integrate him into the new society much more smoothly than if he went out as a job-seeker, not knowing where to live, where to seek work. But he felt guilty that he would have something while Pauline would not, trapped into motherhood in a strange place with no friends and a partner absent during the day. But wouldn’t it be the same, irrespective of what he did, study or work, both would take him out of the home during the weekday. Why then this guilt? He recognised it. He would have something exciting to do, and she would not. He could be learning new things, meeting people like this Alan Steed his aunt spoke about, and maybe he could even take up the offer from UCT to do a poetry reading, maybe even something like that at the university he could attend. And what about rugby? Was there a Coloured league, did the university have teams? Surely yes. Would it make a difference if he and Pauline were to get married? He was sure she wanted it, but was not sure about his own feelings. Why did he hesitate? He loved her. She had shown the courage to follow him to Prince Albert, had given up a lot for him and now carried his child. He owed it to her to marry her, but there was a doubt and he knew the source: a golden-haired girl from the valley who had been fated to be his life partner until his own actions and the cruel laws of the nation destroyed that possibility. Forget such useless thoughts. Yes, he would move on. He would follow the advice of his aunt and he would also do his best for Pauline and their child, care and provide for them. He would write to the university that day. THE CAPE FLATS. The south-easter swept the voices of accusation and recrimination into all the houses into which the people had been driven, into the matchboxes of Hanover Park and the concrete slabs of Bontehuewel and Manenberg. And the people in the bleak Flats whisper and remember what greed and intolerance have done to them. Richard Rive. “Buckingham Palace”. 1. From the perspective of the Twenty-First Century it’s hard to envisage the area that has become known as the Cape Flats before the men from the northern hemisphere came. Hard to imagine it even before the 1960s and 70s when it became the dumping ground for Apartheid’s unwanted. You can see some of it if you roll along the N2 past the Maypole electric poles of Langa, and the portable toilets on the canal, past the ugly three-storey, graffiti-bedecked concrete blocks and past the shanty towns beyond the airport, cheek by jowl corrugated iron and cardboard shacks, even into the sky double-storied. Out there, you see some sand dunes with scant grass cover, tenuous stuff, thickstemmed to withstand the summer drought and the wind. Maybe that’s what it looked like when the wooden ships brought maritime man, hungry for the riches of the east, searching with great courage into the unknown seas, seeing first the mystic table mountain and the illusion of a sheltered lee anchorage. When those people started into the hinterland it was there, those Cape Flats, shifting dunes that hindered the passage of their wagons with their narrow, iron-banded wheels. The engineering started, fast growing bush brought from their far flung empire, hardy stuff from New South Wales that fastened the loose soil and spread like contagion so that it too became something that needed to be dislodged in time. Like the juxtaposition of Jekyll and Hyde, the monotony of the flats, the lack of variety, the sheer ordinariness of it, is magnified tenfold by that which borders it: some of the most majestic mountain terrain in the world. The slopes of those mountains became the desired location, then and now, so that when the forced removals began, the unwanted were pushed into the dunes, the demarcation the railway line to the southern suburbs and the one into Bellville and beyond. That’s where they had to go and live, east and south of those two railway lines, sixty thousand out of District Six and multitudes from other places desired to be the exclusive realm of the Whites. As terrible as those removals were for the Coloured people - their history, their culture, their social patterns and their livelihood turned upside down - it was even worse for the Black people, regarded as aliens and forced to carry passes, given temporary citizenship of that hallowed space, ejected if they happened to move away for a short time and forfeited their rights, such that they were. It was in the middle of that tumultuous time that Falk came to the Cape of Storms, a name with meaning beyond the weather patterns. The wait until the university year started seemed interminable. They had accepted his application for entrance; now he had to wait. Falk had never felt so passive, so out of control, so trapped. And so anxious. Christmas at Rooikrantz had been a reprieve, a time to think of others with small gifts, toasts to the past and those passed, but soon the few halycon days were gone and it was back to the farm on the outskirts of a small town with prejudice, real or supposed. Pauline’s mood swings were frightening. Stephanie told her son that it was normal for a woman in the last stages of pregnancy to have such hormonal emotional shifts but he had his doubts and his fears, chief among them Pauline’s denial of her racial status or the difficulties facing them in Cape Town in the new year. Falk realised he too could scarcely envisage what lay ahead of them. The problem started with racial stereotype. Whites perceived Coloureds to have problems relating to alcohol and sex: too many children, too much abuse, no self-control. He knew that was a crude and totally unfair characterisation, had seen for himself different behaviour in the small, largely poor Coloured community in Prince Albert, had seen it in Joel and Bianca, his own two employees, had seen the family values and decency and sometimes slavish adherence to religious custom. Yet he had also seen the behaviour that led to the typecast; had seen it in Prince Albert and had seen it in the White community in Gamkaskloof. He knew it related to poverty and ignorance, not race. But the anxiety persisted and he left Prince Albert many days before he needed to, the fight instinct in him demanding he confront his fears. In a bout of independence, he would not accept the old farm Toyota Stout as a gift from Tess and arranged a lift to Oudtshoorn where he bought a used Borgward Isabella and travelled on. He had with him the clothes he thought students would be wearing, his typewriter and the last copies of his book of poems, a map of Cape Town and directions to the house he had arranged accommodation in from the list sent to him by the university. He stopped the car at a layby at the top of Sir Lowry’s Pass and got out to stare. It was early evening, the sun still high in a clear sky. There was Table Mountain and, stretching from it southwards, the mountains of the peninsula, blue with a strange luminescence at their base where they touched the sea, False Bay. But it was not the mountains that struck him. It was the mass evidence of mankind, the houses and businesses of Somerset West and the Strand, the multi-storey hotels along the beach and, in the far distance, the haze of the factories and power stations. Never had he seen such numbers of people. Yet the mountains stood serene and clear above the evidence of man, not touched by it, and here, close by, just below him, valleys with forests, familiar and welcome to his eyes. With the aid of his map and some enquiries he found the boarding establishment. It was in Elsie’s River, the university recommending places which were close by. By that time it was too late to explore and he was tired from the day’s travel, but he walked up the street to a corner café he had seen and there he found a welcome cheerfulness and interest in his presence. Days later he wrote to Pauline on his typewriter, disguising the unease he felt. My darling Pauline, I can see Table Mountain! Well not quite the picture we see in magazines because where I’m staying I see it from the side, the side where Devil’s Peak obscures the face. Nevertheless, it is Table Mountain and I’m thrilled with this view. I’m staying in a house I’ve rented for us in the suburb of Athlone. It’s quite comfortable, two bedrooms because of the baby, a bathroom, a lounge come kitchen, and a patio on the front garden. It’s all quite cosy really. You could call it palatial compared to the cottage where I grew up in Gamkaskloof But by far the best thing is the view. When you sit with me on the patio in the evening you will see the mountain climbing above the roofs of the houses in front of us. The view of the mountain makes me feel closer to home, the same mountains on the same continent. A stretch? I know. I’m missing you terribly, Pauline. There is the thrill of being in a new place, but that is quite overpowered by concern for your well-being, and that of our child-to-be. I’m just grateful to know that you are in good hands, and that I can get on with the job of settling in here and finding the best solution for our future. I’ve visited the university, just to look around. I’m impressed with the buildings, the architectural style is a mixture of the grand and the utilitarian. It’s not what I expected, not second rate. I hope what goes on in those buildings, the teaching, is of the same standard as the appearance. Oh well, I’ll find out soon enough, we register next week, on Wednesday. The people who live in this street seem very friendly, very interested to make my acquaintance and to share their stories. They are Coloured folks of course, because this is a Coloured suburb. I wanted to get you as close to the mountain as possible. The place in Elsies River where I went the first night is far out of the city, too far. Of course, it was close to the university and would have been convenient from that point of view, but I was more interested in finding a place where you could be happy and I hope this is that place. And for myself I can catch the train from Athlone Station. It goes right past the university and then I can leave the car I bought (a Borgward; German engineering you know!) for you and the baby to get around. The day after I arrived I went into the city and explored the possible places where we would be allowed to live. The area they call District Six is very run-down and already the demolitions have started; I found it all quite sad. Next door is another possibility, Walmer Estate, and I contemplated it but it could easily suffer the fate of District Six and we’ve had enough disruption to our lives, you and I, and I could not take a chance on another. Well, that’s it, not much news. I’m finding my feet here, learning the ways of the people and finding where everything is, but most of all looking forward to the birth of our child and the two of you joining me here. With much love, Falk. At least he had not exaggerated about the reception he had received from his neighbours. On the one side there was a Muslim family and they were reserved, but not unfriendly. They were the Emerans: father, wife and three teenagers. They never gave their Christian names and he continued to refer to them as Mister and Missus, and they called him Mister Baartman. On the other side were the Hendricks family. The father Callie was a baker and had a shop in Athlone. He was a rotund little man, filled with a joy of life except when he spoke of his anger against Whites. He was polite towards Falk at first, but thawed quickly and eventually totally when he heard the younger man’s story. Falk had decided to be open about his predicament to all who would listen. He was in a strange world, one he could only have imagined with his White persona. It was not dissimilar to the time he and Isa went to Oudtshoorn and were lost in a different culture. It was Isa’s example he copied, making fun of himself, making himself accessible through humility. Callie’s wife was a large lady with an hilarious turn of phrase when she spoke in English, which was not often. Whenever Falk expressed an opinion or passed an observation unfamiliar to her she would answer, a quizzical expression on her big round face; “Ja, but jy’s mos clever.” He suspected she was being somewhat disingenuous. Meisie cooked like a dream and they often invited Falk over for a meal or afternoon tea in the days before Pauline arrived. He soon learned the tea was a front, one cup before the sweet wine was introduced. The Hendricks’ had four children, all living in one bedroom, and he wondered what they would do when the young family grew up. Of course, he could be in the same predicament if he were to buy the house he was renting. But it was the young couple across the street who were to feature large in Falk’s life. Eric Biggs was a graduate of the University of the Western Cape, and was working in the City Treasurer’s Department at that time. He was a tall thin man, light skinned. His stare could be disconcerting and his moods uncertain, but he had a charming side and was attracted to persons of intellect which meant he soon became close friends with Falk. His wife Jessie was a stunner, with deep brown eyes set in an oval face with high cheekbones and a generous mouth. Her smooth olive skin and dark straight hair completed the illusion of a Persian princess. Men found themselves staring and embarrassed when those eyes fixed on you with the obvious question. The Biggs had a daughter of just five months when Falk came to live in Brandon Street near the confluence of Klipfontein Road and Jan Smuts Drive. Falk hoped the urbane couple and their child would become the first Coloured friends to Pauline and that perhaps their obvious achievement and sophistication would be an example and a reassurance. A reassurance that there could be life under apartheid, that they could survive and lead, if not a normal life as they had known it, a life nevertheless, with friends and a job that allowed them to maintain an acceptable level of living. Or so he hoped. Falk had met Jessie first. It was the Saturday before registration at the university. He had decided to paint the inside of the small house, all white, ceilings and walls, to make it look bigger. Dawn saw him moving the sparse furnishings from the first room to be painted, placing everything on the stoep and postage stamp lawn, next to his car. He worked without a stop for refreshments, only gulping water from the tap when the paint fumes got too much for him. He was on the last room before the stoep, the lounge/kitchen, when he heard the gate squeak and stooped down from the ladder peering under the window frame and saw this stunning girl-woman coming towards the house. She came in through the open door and looked up at him, seeing the strong lithe body, naked except for his rugby shorts, and the face dotted with white paint. So the first sound he heard her utter was a giggle. “You look so funny. Do you always work so hard?” He smiled through the paint. “I always stop when I get visits from beautiful girls.” “My, my, a worker and a charmer. Don’t let my husband hear you say things like that.” “Sorry, couldn’t help it.” He climbed down from the ladder and extended his hand and then saw the paint on it and withdrew it. “I’m Falk Baartman.” “Yes. I know. And I’m Jessie Biggs, your neighbour from across the road. I’ve brought you some things, sandwiches and lemonade.” “That’s wonderful. I’ve been driving myself to finish without a break but it’s silly.” He looked around for a place to sit and there was none, so he led the way outside where she sat on a couch on the lawn and he on the stoep wall. “Please help yourself.” He did, gulping the lemonade down and was half-way through the first sandwich when she resumed the conversation. “So you’re renting from Hassan, are you?” “Yes, you too?” “Oh yes. He owns a lot of properties on this street. Can I look around?” “Of course. Mind the paint smell, I think I’ll be sleeping out here tonight.” He took a good look at her figure as she passed through the door, couldn’t help himself, her tight jeans inviting the examination. While she was in the house a green Ford Anglia pulled up across the street and the tall driver loped across the street and looked at him over the gate. “How’s it man? I’m Eric Biggs.” Falk walked across to him and this time he did stick out his hand. “Falk Baartman. I think it’s your wife in my house checking my work.” “That would be Jessie. She’s the most curious woman I know.” “She’s also very kind. She brought me lemonade and sandwiches.” “Lucky man, doesn’t happen to me all the time.” The conversation was so easy and normal that Falk had to remind himself that this was the new, fearful world he was entering. Jessie joined them and the two Biggs’ sat on the couch while Falk perched above them on the wall. The conversation was broken by a baby’s cry from across the street. Jessie got up to leave immediately. “That’s our daughter Sarah. Why don’t you join us for supper, Falk? When you’re finished come on over.” That night they heard his story and he heard theirs and they became bonded by their common predicament. The much anticipated registration was an anti-climax. For weeks Falk had imagined the event, meeting with Alan Steed, discussing the best subject choices with dedicated teachers. The reality was that there was much queuing, much waiting, much filling in of forms, and when they could talk about subjects and timetables the persons informing them were councillors, not the lecturers themselves. His biggest disappointment was that there was no department of journalism, no media courses. He registered for English and Afrikaans, Philosophy because of Alan Steed, and he did not care about the fourth subject but eventually was persuaded to do Public Administration to give him at least one subject that offered job opportunities apart from teaching. He had some time after finishing the many administrative procedures and he wandered the campus, getting the gist of the layout, going to each classroom where he would be required to present himself the next day. Many of them were small classrooms just to the south of the main square, but some of them were lecture halls, seating more than a hundred he calculated; these were for the more popular courses like the languages. He also went wandering to the east where he could see the poles of a rugby field reaching into the sky above the bush. There was just one field. It was a disappointment. What was their level here? He found a canteen in the student centre and stood in line to collect a hamburger and coffee, both very cheap. The place filled up rapidly and two girls asked to sit at his table. They were charmingly frank and full of fun, characteristics he was coming to understand to be almost universal. The one girl, more precocious and prettier than her friend, challenged him. “You look mos White.” He was equal to it. “And if I am?” The playfulness disappeared. The other girl addressed him. “We don’t sit with Whites.” They made to get up. “I’m sorry. I was making a joke. I’m not White.” They relaxed and he thought of the strange declaration he had just made. I’m not White. It was the first time he had said that aloud. I’m not White, I’m Coloured. That was also wrong, any race declaration was wrong. He realised then what his philosophy would be. He would not embrace any race. The thought made him angry. If something did not include all races, well then fuck it, he was out. He returned home that evening with much to contemplate, and he sat down on the patio in the cooling evening and typed out his thoughts and beliefs. Apart from the one letter to Pauline, it was the first time he had written in weeks and, as he had always found in the past, it was a liberating experience to see his thoughts on paper. Much to his chagrin, he then started writing a poem about a Persian princess. It had obviously lain in his consciousness, waiting to be let out. Was he ever to be driven by lust? His girlfriend was about to give birth to his child, yet he wrote a poem about another woman whose appearance and charm had stimulated him. Yet the poem had value, was true to his observation. That’s what a poet was, an observer and recorder of the world, why should he censure himself? He didn’t believe his own vacillation. The second day was much better, giving him a glimpse of the possibilities for personal growth, and he met Alan Steed at last. The Philosophy class was in the fourth period of the day, and was held in one of the small classrooms he had noticed the previous day. There were only fourteen students, most of them men, and they stood waiting, some of them making small talk, the others silent with their own thoughts, waiting for the lecturer with keen anticipation as they had for every class that first day. Steed came in with a rush. “Okay boys and girls, take a seat.” Falk had seen pictures of the man, but they missed the liveliness, the quick expressions. Steed’s features were dominated by the high forehead, long sideburns and heavy framed glasses. He was thirtytwo years of age that summer day of 1968, still with a shock of black curly hair. “Right, so you are my Philosophy One class. Let’s see, eleven men and only three girls. The girls shunning my subject, hey? “That was a joke. I don’t care for your gender, only your brains, and how you can grow them through the fascinating study of some of the greatest thinkers the world has ever known. Every year, when I see the students who come into these classrooms, my first thought is why are they here? Why are you here, people?” No-one volunteered an answer to that question. He pointed to Falk. “Why are you here, meneer?” Falk would later think it was fate that led Steed to pick him out first, but at the time he was frantically thinking of an appropriate answer. “For several reasons, sir. Firstly, because you are a poet and a playwright and I want to learn from you. Then because you are one of the few Coloured lecturers at this university and I want to learn from someone who has made his mark, despite the difficulties you must have gone through.” “I’m flattered, but I heard no mention of philosophy. Why’s that?” “Because I know very little about it. I’m at this university, meneer, because I received a letter saying I’m Coloured and this is the only learning establishment for Coloureds. I had a small business that I was forced to sell to Whites and I ran my own local newspaper which I also had to give up because of my race. I want to be a writer and have already published a small book of my own poetry. So when I come here, what am I to study? Languages, yes, and what else? I want to study under Alan Steed, whatever you teach.” Falk had had no intention of baring his soul so publicly and so soon, nor to show the bitterness he felt. It was almost as if it had not been he who uttered those words. He wished he could take them back, was very conscious of the stares of his fellow students. Steed just looked at him, nodding his head ever so slightly as if contemplating what to say. “Bravo. What’s your name?” “Falk, Falk Baartman.” “And where did you have this business that you had to give up?” “In Prince Albert.” “Small town hey. I understand the mentality, I spent my first years in a small community outside Wellington. You must lend me your book of poetry Falk. “Right, let’s find out why the rest of you are here. Hopefully some of you want to study philosophy.” Falk spent nearly the rest of that class berating himself for being so outspoken then, as he calmed, he started to think it wasn’t such a bad thing that he had declared himself, as long as he had not alienated Steed and it did not seem he had, or why else would he want to read his poems? Dear Tess, I have to write and tell you how I’m getting on. After all, you are the reason I’m here. Firstly, I have to tell you how very grateful I am to you for the advice you gave me to come to Cape Town and to study at the “Bush College” - yes that’s what they call us, not too complimentary you would say but it does not describe some of the scholarship that I’m finding here. Most of the lecturers are still White. When they started this place eight years ago, most of the staff came from Stellenbosch but that has changed now and we have lecturers from some of the other White universities. I think the standard is quite high. I’m certainly happy with what I’m learning in English and Afrikaans (lots of literature in the English course fortunately), but not so happy with the course content and standard in Public Administration, but that could well be a reflection of my lack of interest in the subject. You said I would meet people who I could relate to and befriend and that has become a reality. That’s not just at the university, because my neighbours across the street in Athlone, where I am living, are a young couple whom I would have sought out for friendship whatever their and my race. I’ve left the best for last. In our first conversation about this move of mine, you mentioned Alan Steed. I didn’t forget and registered to study Philosophy, as he is the head of that department. In my first class with him I bared my soul and was embarrassed, thinking he would find that weird. Fortunately he did not, and asked to read my poems. A week later he called me to his study. Was I nervous! He had read them all and was very complimentary, said I had talent and that he had no doubt I would realise my ambition to be a writer of renown. He went on to say that he could not be my advisor on matters of literature, after all he was the head of the Philosophy Department and would be stepping on the toes of his colleagues in the language departments. He’s going to do something even better Tess. He’s going to introduce me to Coloured writers who live here in the Western Cape. The first one I’m going to meet is Richard Rives who teaches English at the Hewat College of Education in Athlone, just up the road from where I live. Rives has edited two anthologies of poetry and they include some of his own work. As I’m sure you can hear from the tone of my writing I have found hope where I thought there would be none. And for that I have you to thank. With much gratitude, Falk. 2. Falk did not hear from Pauline. Not a letter, not a phone call. When he went to the Post Office to phone the Prince Albert farm he could not get through. Eventually he got through to Rooikrantz and spoke to Tess. She tried to reassure him, but he could hear the tension in her voice. He made his excuses to his lecturers for the Friday and Monday and left in the dark and was near Caledon before the sun made its appearance, peeking over the Riviersonderend Mountains. At Riversdale he turned inland and made his way over the Garcia Pass and on to Route 62. He stopped once to refuel and then not again until he reached the lookout point on the Swartberg Pass and there he stopped again. It was mid-morning, a calm day, so calm that he could hear the river hundreds of metres below him. Out beyond the mountains was the vast emptiness of the Great Karoo, flat and grey to the horizon. He was home, but what awaited him? He had been posing all sorts of scenarios; she was ill, she had miscarried, she had decided to go to her parents in Port Elizabeth, she no longer wanted anything to do with him, felt he had abandoned her. There was not one positive reason he could think of that would have her not communicate with him. It had not been a happy journey. The farmhouse was quiet, no activity to be seen. He thought they were perhaps at the shop in town and was about to turn the car and head in that direction when his mother came on to the front stoep. Her welcoming smile was a great relief to him; surely nothing tragic had happened. She hugged him, holding so tight that his anxiety levels shot up again. He had to have answers. “How’s Pauline Ma?” “Don’t you think you should greet your mother properly first, Falk?” “I’m so sorry, Ma, it’s just that I’ve not heard a word. That’s why I’m here. I have to know.” “All in good time, son. Pauline is sleeping and she will not wake for several hours.” “She sleeps during the day?” “Don’t rush it, son. You must have left in the dark to be here so early. I’m sure you’re tired and thirsty. Come through to the back stoep, son. I’ll make you some breakfast and coffee. Be quiet now, don’t wake her, she needs the sleep.” He stood with her in the kitchen while she prepared a meal for him. By now he realised that she would not be rushed and calmed himself, let her go at her own pace. It was only when they were on the stoep that she began her explanation. “I’m afraid Pauline has not been well, son. It’s not really the pregnancy, although I have some worries there; it’s this terrible news about becoming a Coloured. She can’t take it in and I think it has affected her mental balance. Don’t look like that, I’m sure after the birth she will regain her equilibrium.” “You’re holding things back, Ma.” “Yes. She blames you for everything that is happening to her. I’m afraid she’s forgotten that she was the adult and you the boy when the relationship started.” “Okay, and what else?” “She drinks a lot. We have to keep it from her but somehow she gets it from the staff, probably from the farm next door. I’ve tried to tell her the affect it will have on her child, but she’s not rational.” “Oh God, Ma, what are we to do?” “Nothing from your side, Falk. She will not accept it and it will probably upset her even more.” “Do you mean I shouldn’t even see her?” “I know that’ll be impossible for you to accept, son. When she wakes I’ll go in and prepare her and then you can try to talk to her. I know you have to see for yourself, but I fear your presence will be a setback for her.” He was trying to get to grips with his emotions over these frightful revelations. He kept seeing the house in Athlone and his optimistic dreams that they could be a family there. “Do you think she will recover, Ma?” “I don’t know, son. Right now, Tess and I can think only of getting her to the birth without greater mental and physical harm. Then we will have to see if the baby is normal and try to help Pauline through the next phase. Motherhood is an amazing emotion. It’s our hope that the love of her child will help her recover and accept her condition in society. Whether she will ever want you back in her life is a question we can’t answer now Son.” “Is there really a possibility that the baby will not be normal?” “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have used that word. Excessive alcohol use and tension in the mother can affect an unborn baby. At least that’s what I think.” He changed the subject, did not want to think about it. “Did she receive a letter from me?” “Yes, the letter came, but she said she didn’t want to read it. But I think maybe she did because when I looked for it later it was gone.” “That’s sad if she didn’t read it, because it might have offered her some promise. How long is it now to the birth?” “She will reach term in about five weeks. Now come, son, there’s nothing you can do. Tell me about your new life.” “I would love to, Ma, but right now that’s impossible. I’m going to take a walk down to the river and think about all you’ve told me. I have to try and absorb it, it’s a great shock never to have had an inkling.” “I’m so sorry, son. Tess and I consulted over this and couldn’t see any advantage to you worrying about it when you are trying to start a new life. We felt the best you could do was get on your feet and then, if there was any hope, at least she and the baby would have something to go to.” The walk to the river did little to clear his head. What was obvious was Pauline’s weakness of character, yet he could not censure her, felt only sorrow at her mental anguish and depression. If it was not for the child, he felt he could leave her, that it would be better if she returned to Port Elizabeth. But the child changed everything. It tied them together, and he would make the effort to see her through these bad times, even if she tried to reject him. When he returned to the house, his mother told him that Pauline was awake and knew he was there, that she would rather not see him but if he insisted he must go to her quickly, get it over with. The room was darkened, the heavy curtains drawn. He stood at the foot of the bed and looked at her over her distended belly. She looked as beautiful as he remembered, despite the sullen expression and the chill in her eyes as they followed his movements. “Hello, Pauline.” She nodded slightly. “Falk.” “I’m so sorry you are ill.” “Well, you know why.” The conversation with his mother had told him why but he needed to hear it from her. “I’m afraid I don’t.” “I should never have come here. I had a good job, a nice flat and a boyfriend who all my friends admired. You should never have made me come here.” The accusation was ridiculously unfair and self-serving, but he said nothing. “Look at me now. I’ve lost my identity and you made me pregnant. If I hadn’t come here, they would never have looked into my background. They would never have written that awful letter to me.” He realised she could not even say the word “Coloured”. He did not know what to say to ease her bitterness, and the silence grew between them. “I think you should go now Falk.” He left without another word. His mother was waiting on the back stoep and he sat down heavily beside her. “It was unpleasant, wasn’t it?” “Yes.” “I’m terribly sorry to say this, son, but I think you should go.” “Yes. But a few questions, Ma. How’s the store going?” “Good. Actually, really good. All the artists have come back and we’re making some money.” “But you’re staying here, aren’t you?” “Yes. We’ve finished the flat at the back for me, but I must stay here while Pauline is in this predicament. We have two of the farm women helping me to look after her, and I go to the store every day for a few hours.” “How do you get there?” “I walk, of course. Remember how we used to walk in the valley?” He realised then that she was barely forty, still a young woman. “No men in your life, Ma?” That brought a smile to her face. “Don’t be cheeky. Anyway I wouldn’t tell you, you chase them away.” It was a rare moment of levity in that dark conversation. “Yes Ma, I can’t stay here. I’ll go through to Rooikrantz to see Tess and probably spend the night there and drive back to Cape Town tomorrow.” “Tell her all about your new life, son, so that I can hear about it from her. It’s no good you staying here longer. Pauline will hear that you’re still here and she won’t come out until you go. “And look, son, about the birth. It won’t help that you’re here, unless she has a radical change of mind. Don’t worry about it, we’ll see her through and if things change I’ll get in touch with you and you can come through.” “Alright, Ma. We have our Easter break in April. It’s just over a week, ten days I think. The baby will be born by then and I’ll come through no matter what she thinks. It’s also my baby and I want to see it.” Tess was much more objective. “She’ll come round Falk, she has to. What else can she do? When she thinks about it rationally, which will happen after the baby is born, she will realise that you’re the best option she has.” It wasn’t a great prospect for him, being the best of a bunch of bad options, but he took that thought back with him and it held some promise. It was rugby that pulled him through. The notice appeared on the general bulletin board in the Student’s Union. It called for those interested in playing rugby to list their names and certain other details. Falk pondered over what to put for position and previous club or school, especially the latter because both Oudtshoorn High and SWD Schools were White teams. Once he mentioned those places anyone reading it would know some of his history, but he had not found people unsympathetic when they knew his background. He wrote neatly “openside flank” and “SWD Schools (1965)”. Let them make of that what they would. He soon found out what they did make of it when a small, slightly-built man was waiting for him after a Philosophy lecture. “You must be Baartman.” The voice was brisk and authoritarian, and surprised Falk. “Why?” “Because you’re the only big guy in this class. I’m your rugby coach. Johnny Arendse is the name.” He did not proffer his hand. “Yes sir, Mister Arendse.” “You can call me Mister A, all my players call me Mister A. Now, I know you’ve got a free period and I want to talk to you. Come with me to my office.” Falk was surprised because of the physique of the man. It was only later that he would hear what a fierce and competitive scrumhalf Arendse had been, and what a hard taskmaster he was on the training grounds. He headed towards the sports administration offices and Falk fell into step with him, towering almost comically over him. Falk was now totally bemused by the sequence of events. How did this little man know his timetable? How did one so slight become involved in rugby? And why would he be interested enough in one player to seek him out? “How did you know my timetable, Mister A?” “Do you know how few provincial players we get here, even if it was at school level? Of course I’m going to find out about you. Alan has told me what he knows of you.” Sports Administration was in its infancy in the 1960s, and the offices were in a temporary converted classroom. Johnny’s office was almost overpoweringly filled with rugby memorabilia and team photographs. “Right, Falk. I’m interested in your story. First thing, tell me about this openside flank thing?” “You’ve not played open and blindside flank here, Mister A?” “Nee.” Falk told him how he and Paul Serfontein had agreed to play on both sides of the scrum, the theory of it and how it had worked in practice, and how their coach had taken it forward to the games in which he played for SWD schools. Arendse did not interrupt him in the telling of the tale and kept nodding as he made the points for the technique. “Right, you’ve confirmed what your old coach Robertse told me.” “You spoke to him?” “Ja man, a coach must know all about his players.” “Did he tell you everything, Mister A?” “I don’t know about everything. He told me about your rugby ability and that unfortunate thing with the school teacher.” Falk was relieved. He had always known the team he played for and the absence of two years from the game would attract numerous questions, and he had not been sure how honest he wanted to be. He realised how impressed he was already with this man; his slightness of stature had been dismissed as a distinguishing mark. Arendse’s zeal for rugby, his no nonsense approach and his obvious sincerity persuaded Falk to confide in him without restraint. “I find this blindside and openside idea very interesting. We’ll see whether we adopt it, but that will depend very much on you. You’ll find Coloured rugby different, Falk, not so much structure. We prefer to allow our players to do their own thing on the field. We’re smaller and faster, more suited to the open game.” Falk had his doubts about that. He would see. “Right, now you’ve missed two seasons. Speak to me about it.” He told him nearly everything, not just about the events but also the feelings and concerns. It was the first time he could truly unload, and he did. It took nearly half an hour and when he was finished there was silence in the room. Arendse kept shaking his head slightly, not looking at Falk. Eventually his eyes found the younger man and he spoke. “My magtig, seun, I’ve never heard a tale like that. I’ll say one thing, you’ll need tremendous strength of character to see your way through this. Do you have that strength, Falk?” “I don’t know. I hope so.” “And you’re really keen to get back into rugby?” “Yes, sir. I’ve kept fit for the day I could get back. You say I’ll need to be mentally strong. Rugby will help me with that. It’s something I used to do well, and if I can get that back it will give me confidence; it will help me.” “Ja, I can see that. You’ll find it hard to get match fit again after such a long lay-off. If I was you I’d start training today. There’s a sports complex up Klipfontein Road, not far from your house. Go and have a look at it, see how it can help you. I’ve given them your name and they’ll let you use the premises and equipment, but if you join their club I’ll donner you. “We start our training here in a few weeks, and I promise you it won’t be a picnic. I can promise you another thing, Falk; give me your best and I’ll help you all I can with whatever you need, and I mean off the rugby field as well.” Falk threw himself into the task of getting himself fit. He had added motivation now, to repay the trust that was being shown in him from a most unexpected quarter. The sports complex in Klipfontein Road was not to his liking, so he used the University facilities, bringing kit with him in the morning and training in the gym, on the rugby field and in the vast nature reserve adjacent to the campus which had extensive paths through the dunes. There were no proper washing facilities, so he went home sweaty every evening and showered at home. On the Saturdays and Sundays he went back to Elsies River, studied in the library and then did at least a two-hour training stint. There was nothing else for him to do, and the punishment to his body was therapeutic. It kept his mind off the impossible riddles of the future. Would she come, wouldn’t she come? Did he want her to come if she became destructive to the new life he was making for himself? In Brandon Street, his two friendly neighbours showered him with invitations. Eric and Jessie were runners and he changed his Sunday routine after he joined them on a run on the mountain; they ran the streets through Rondebosch and up to Rhodes Memorial, where they joined the contour path that circled Devil’s Peak and onward along the face of the mountain. It was exhilarating and he wanted more of it, more of the thrill of running with the city at his feet and the ancient rocks stretching above him to the sky. It became a standard feature of his Sundays, if the weather permitted, even if the other two could not make it. If it was the three of them running, they invariably went back to one of their houses, dismissed Jessie’s mother who looked after Sarah while they ran, and settled to a braai and long conversations. And sometimes a surfeit of wine and beer. No matter how drunk he became, he never revealed to them his concerns about Pauline and the baby. The hardest part was running behind Jessie, seeing that perfect bottom moving provocatively beneath the tights. Lustful images of Pauline became co-mingled with those of his neighbour, and it was disconcerting and an act of betrayal to both women. He did not like what such mind pictures said about him, and tried to think of other matters just before dropping off to sleep so that he would not be ambushed by bawdy dreams that he knew were only a manifestation of his desires. The only good thing about those dreams was the way he punished his body at the next training session as a form of penance. He didn’t know where he got his repressive ideas about sex and sin from; it was hardly in keeping with a boy who slept with his teacher. He knew in his heart of hearts that the illicit sex with Pauline would live with him forever, a form of sexual stress disorder, the delicious sex balanced with monumental guilt, the pleasure with the pain. When Johnny’s training started on Tuesdays and Thursdays, he was more than ready for the routines and grateful for his level of fitness because, as promised, Johnny gave them monumental workouts. The coach did not have the benefit of expensive facilities and equipment, but he more than made up for it by using what was available in plenty; one of the routines had them sprinting up to a 44-gallon drum, dropping to the ground in front of it, picking up a rock of around ten kilograms and crawling through the drum with the impediment of the heavy and awkward rock. In the nature reserve, Johnny used the dunes to torture them, replacing the traditional twenty-five-yard sprints with sprints up soft sand. He reserved the best for the end. When they were on their last legs he had them tackle the fiercest and highest dune; they called it Golgotha. Falk loved every minute of it. Training with others and pitting yourself against them was much more satisfying then training solo. There were about eighty recruits, but Johnny’s brand of training chased some of the first years away and eventually he had a core which would allow him to put three teams into the field. The majority of the men playing rugby lived in the hostels, and Falk heard that the routine was for the captain of the first team to blow a whistle in the corridors of the hostel to call the troops to battle. Training started at four and ended around six to allow the hostel dwellers to shower before their evening meal. In mid-winter it was almost dark when they finished, and often the weather was miserable, as the Cape cold fronts washed through the Flats. Driving back to Athlone in the dark and wet induced negative thoughts and feelings and when Falk trained on the off days it was in the early afternoon to avoid unhappy hour. Falk had no real idea of the standard of the players until the trials which Johnny organised for the Saturday of the third week of training. Until then, Falk could only see the effort and fitness levels; as in all sports, some were passionate and trained until they dropped, while others conserved their energy and shirked. Falk knew that some of the shirkers would have natural talent and surprise on the rugby field, but he rather scorned those who did not play with the passion he thought the game deserved. It turned out that the standard was about what Falk would have expected. They would probably have beaten the SWD schoolboy side, but it would not have been a pushover. He was clearly the best loose forward, but there were others to challenge him and a few really good tight forwards, one of them a brute of a front rank. Some of the backs were mercurial, just as Harry had said, and more than once Falk found himself tackling thin air. On the day of the trials, the coach kept changing the teams, seeking out his best players and best combinations. It was early days, but Falk, in the times he sat on the side-lines, could see order starting to take place. There were not enough heavy tight forwards and they would have to adopt a game plan built on mobility, avoiding set pieces; the backs looked a speedy and skilled bunch. When he was on the field, Falk delighted in his old warrior mentality, throwing himself at the opposing backline, stopping forward rushes, digging in the mauls for the ball. In one of the rest periods, the coach came up to him. “Are you ready to show us this openside theory of yours, Falk?” “Yes, Mister A, if that’s what you want.” He called out two of the other loose forwards. They were Fanie Meyers and Zack Moosa. Fanie was a heavily built man in his midtwenties who looked like he spent a lot of time pushing weights in the gym and wore his jersey a size too small. Zack was closer to Falk’s age, with the shoulders of a swimmer. Both sported small moustaches which seemed to be the badge of manhood in their community. “Listen, guys. Falk has a theory I want you to listen to. Okay, Falk, you explain it to them.” He did, the explanation now becoming second hat. Fanie Meyers did not like it. “Where does this idea come from, Mister A? What we did last year got us in the top five in the championship. Wasn’t it good enough?” The coach turned to Falk. “What do you say about that Falk?” “It depends on the quality of your loose forwards, Mister A, and what they’re good at. If both are fetchers, then there’s not much point. But if one of them is a fetcher and the other a runner who can break the line, then why not play the one openside and the other blindside. “Fanie, as for coming in the top five, surely our aim must be to win the championship.” He should not have made the last statement because he could see the hackles rise on the older player. The coach however seemed to be relishing the challenging tone of the conversation and he deliberately pitted them against one another in the next playing session. Fanie was too angry to play effectively, but Falk could see the power of the man and hoped he could turn him into a friend because they could make a good combination. He went to him afterwards. “I’m sorry I had an argument with you in front of the coach, Fanie. I think you and I could play really well together.” “Ja, but with me mos the dumb ou on the blindside.” “You’re stronger than me, Fanie. You’re the one who can do those power runs.” Fanie was not entirely appeased but Falk had set in motion the older player’s acceptance, which would lead to a strong and effective combination later in the year. Falk had also seen the wile of the coach, letting the players settle disputes, but getting his own way in the end. The schedule of games for that season gave them two easy fixtures to start, Buffaloes and Olympics, both at home, but then they were to play the previous season’s winners, Good Hope at Green Point Track. The day of the Buffalo game was a misery, the wind had howled through the night and did not let up much during the day, low clouds scudded across the sky and the rain drops when they came were stinging missiles which struck their faces like icicles. The Buffalo’s had said they would field three teams, but only enough players arrived to field two, and even then there was a discussion about the ability of the pitch to withstand two games. No-one really had the heart for the game, and a decision was made to play only the first teams. Within fifteen minutes of the game starting only a handful of the spectators were watching. Most of the UWC supporters had drifted back to the hostel, and the Buffalo spectators, mostly family members who had given the players a lift to the ground, had escaped to their cars and watched in relative comfort, some even running their engines to use the heaters. The players could not get warm and were tentative, fearing injury to their cold muscles. The leather ball became as slippery as a wet bar of soap, and both sets of half-backs resorted to hoisting the ball as high as they could. It was not a rugby match, and the only redeeming feature was a win for the university team. The Olympics game was the complete opposite. Conditions were perfect, a cool day with high clouds and little wind, and the spectators, including a very large contingent of girls supporting the university, turned out in their droves. It was Falk’s first experience of unbridled spectator enthusiasm, with many hilarious and profane injunctions to the home team. Falk revelled in the conditions and the enthusiasm of the crowd, and was soon wreaking havoc in the opposing backline, reminiscent of his best performances for Oudtshoorn. The spectators were at first silent, for they had seldom seen tackling of such a nature, but then they began to enthuse and in-between the “C’mon Bushies,” the girls began to chant “Die Valk jag,” which was indeed the truth, the Falcon was hunting. The university team scored seven tries and ran out winners 34-3. The real test was to come the following Saturday, Good Hopes at Green Point Track. But before that game could be played, Falk became a father. Falk did not have a phone at home and had left the Biggs’ number for his mother or Tess to phone in the case of an emergency. When he got home in mid-afternoon on Wednesday, he was scarcely out of his car when an excited Jessie came running across the road, shouting the words. “You’re a father, Falk. You’ve got a son. How about that?” He had been worrying about it, for the due date had passed and he had heard nothing. The baby was by then nearly two weeks overdue, and his fertile imagination had been digging up horror scenarios again. Through his wonder and reverie he heard Jessie exclaiming, “Come on, you can use our phone. Come on, Falk, come.” He allowed himself to be lead into their lounge and have the phone thrust into his hand. Stephanie picked it up on the first ring. “Falk, oh my son, you’re a father. You have a healthy little boy.” “I know Ma, Jessie told me. Is he really healthy?” “Yes, and Pauline’s fine. The baby was born just after two this afternoon.” “That’s wonderful, Ma. And tell me, has Pauline’s attitude towards me changed, can I come and see them?” “She has been starting to talk about that possibility, Falk, but the time isn’t right.” “Can’t I come up and see the baby? Maybe just see my son. Separately, I mean.” “I suppose that’s possible, Falk. The mother must get her sleep and we will look after the baby when she does so, but Pauline is hypersensitive to the presence of others in the house. I wouldn’t take that chance. You might just reverse the positive feelings she is starting to have.” “Alright, Ma. Has she got a name for the baby yet?” “Not that she’s told us.” When he rang off, he found Jessie staring at him with a look of concern. He had forgotten she was in the room. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear that. Have you and Pauline got problems, Falk?” “Yes, Jessie. Well, maybe. I’ll tell you about it sometime. The time’s not right now. I’ve got to go and see my son.” “Right now? It sounded like your mother was saying don’t come.” “She was, but how can I go a day without seeing my son? I’ll find a way to do so without upsetting Pauline.” “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re going to get in your car and drive straight up there.” “Yes. And I’ve got to get back for rugby practise tomorrow afternoon. We’ve got this really important game on Saturday.” “You told us. You’re a crazy man, Falk Baartman.” He made it to the downward stretch of the Swartberg Pass, only twenty kilometres from Prince Albert, before it was dark and he had to switch on his lights, and he drove slowly past the farm and stopped a few hundred metres beyond. He walked back. In the dark he had not been able to see if there were any visitors, but as he pushed through the farm gate and started down the short road he could see his Aunt Tess’s old Zephyr. Falk moved carefully around the house, keeping out of the light. At the back, the porch was lit and he could see both his mother and Tess. He approached as close as he dared and threw some pebbles against the fly screens that enclosed the area. Tess caught on first and came outside, closing the swing door softly and walking into the dark. “Is that you, Falk?” “Yes, Tess, here.” When she was close enough she said, “I knew you would come.” “I couldn’t keep away.” “I know.” “So how do I get to see my son without alarming Pauline?” “Go to the window at your mother’s room. It’s the furthest away from Pauline. We’ll bring the baby there.” When she came, his mother came as well, and it was she who held the baby. Tess opened the window and he climbed through and kissed his mother briefly before taking his first real look at his son. The boy was asleep. Falk had seen many babies before, and they were just that, babies, all the same, scrunched up faces, no distinguishing marks; a typical male reaction. But this was different. This was his own flesh and blood and he was sure he could see a resemblance to himself, even if it was only that the child had a head of thin black hair plastered to his scalp. “Can I hold him?” he whispered. “Do you know how?” His mother too was whispering. “Yes.” He had learnt, holding Eric and Jessie’s girl. He cradled the head in the crook of his arm and gazed at his son, deep and long. The words came to him. “This is my son in whom I am well pleased.” He sat in the car for a long time and then put the seat back and tried to sleep. It was fitful, and he gave up after an hour or two, started the car, turned it around and began the long journey back to his new home. 3. Green Point Track is part of the greater area known as Green Point Commonage, both then and now. It is the coastal strip west of the city which lies beneath Signal Hill. Since the time counted from the landing of the wooden ships it has been a recreational area and, over the ages, has come to host cricket, golf, rugby, soccer, running and cycling. It was also, in the early days, an area of pasturage for cattle and, during the Second Anglo Boer War, was notoriously used as a holding area for Boer prisoners prior to them being shipped to concentration camps in places as far away as the Philippines. There was no impediment to persons of any race using the Commonage in the beginning. No one race could claim it, but, because it was the closest point of recreation to the predominantly Muslim communities in BoKaap and District Six, it became their favoured place and when rugby developed in the late 19th Century the clubs from those areas played there, including Roslyn, which was the first Coloured rugby club in the country, BoKaaps, Arabian College and, of course, Good Hopes. Distinctions, call them categories if you will, started to develop in the Coloured communities and many say this was given impetus by the Apartheid government who specialised in the identification of categories of race. And so there were peoples they decided were Cape Malay and others they decided were Cape Coloured and, as an example of their ungodly deliberations, they went so far as to say the area known as Walmer Estates on the slopes of Devils Peak was to be occupied by the people they pronounced to be Cape Malay. Certainly, in sport these distinctions became more pronounced in the 1960s, but it is argued by some that the split in coloured rugby owed more to the ambition of two powerful men and their respective skill in administration, rather than the religious make-up of the two groups. But that argument is disingenuous. There were differences in social norms and habits between the Muslim and Christian Coloured communities, and perhaps Apartheid exacerbated them. It is a matter of record that when the split did come in Coloured rugby the centre of the Muslim branch of the game, their headquarters, was Green Point Track. Falk was blissfully unaware of these distinctions when he came to play against the Good Hopes at Green Point Track in April 1968, just one week before the Easter break. Johnny gave them their final pep talk. It was a repeat of what he had said to them at both practices during the week. “Okay, mense, I say it again. Their forwards are five years older than you and ten kilograms heavier. They will try to donner you, and make you play their game. Don’t let them. You win games by scoring tries and kicking goals, not having a fight. In the scrums and lineouts, don’t fight like crazy and tire yourself out. Let them have their ball, but then we get at them. We spoil their game and take away their rhythm. You tackle low and hard, and we win those mauls and then we run. They can’t touch us when we’re running. Fanie, you and Falk, you are our secret weapons. Falk will smash their backs and you, Fanie, you pick up the pieces and you drive into them.” It was not quite the way that Falk would have described the respective roles of the openside and blindside flanks, but he admired the way the coach had given Fanie added motivation. As for him, he needed no extra inducement; he had the memory of the magic moment when he held his son, and he had his new friends from Brandon Street in the stands. Even Mister Emeran had come to his door that morning to inform him that they would be there to watch him. He was beginning to learn the communion of Coloured neighbourhoods. There was a large crowd, mostly the Good Hopes fans, but he managed to pick out his neighbours and, sitting on the lower slopes of Signal Hill, already in a festive mood, were the students of UWC who had been brought from the hostels in Bedford trucks, ex-army troop carriers with canvas covering the load beds; they made a solid block of indigo blue, the varsity colours. The festive mood of the students was soon quelled as the Good Hopes smashed into the UWC team, forced a turnover and carried the ball through their big forwards, forming ruck after ruck until they broke the defensive line and scored near the poles. 5-0. On the UWC kick-off, they caught cleanly and moved the ball rapidly to the outside backs, the movement only being stopped with the first of Falk’s open play tackles on the outside centre. The movement stalled, then gathered momentum again. Falk made another two tackles before the ball was again grounded. For the duration of that movement the tackled centre lay on the ground, but managed to get gingerly to his feet before the next kick-off. Two tries down and 8-0 before the fifth minute. The next time they moved the ball to their backs there was a fumble, the fly-half watching Falk. The ball dropped behind him and Falk was through and snatched it up with only the fullback to beat, which he did easily with an outside swerve to run in under the poles. 8-5 and the students on the hill found their voice again and the “C’mon Bushies” calls dominated. That was the way it stayed until half-time, but by that time all the inside backs had felt the steel in Falk’s tackles and their appetite to run the ball had been greatly diminished. Harry’s half time talk was encouraging; stay out of the rough stuff and they could win the game. The opposition team talk must have centred on one objective, stop Falk Baartman, because the dirty play started immediately. They held him illegally in the line-outs and mauls and when the chances presented themselves they gang tackled him and tried to bring their elbows and knees into play to inflict the greatest hurt. Falk responded with a kind of fury, but it was impossible for one man to match that onslaught. Then Fanie also got mad and he stayed constantly at Falk’s side, smashing back into them when his fellow flank was tackled. Between the two of them they stopped the attack on Falk, but by then the damage was done, two further tries, both converted. 18-5. The last quarter was the best passage of play for the students and they pulled back the score with a converted try and a penalty for a full-time score of 18-13. It was a loss, but a good result for an away game against the reigning champions. The team was mobbed by the students and manhandled back to where the party had started on the slope of the hill. Falk had a beer bottle thrust into his hand and he downed it, then another and a third before his thirst was quenched. Everyone wanted to talk to him and many a willing and nubile young body pushed itself against him. It would have been heady enough without the alcohol, but as his body cooled he began to feel his bruised muscles and he quite willingly left when Eric and Jessie appeared at his side and she entreated him to get into a warm bath as fast as possible. It was good advice, and he felt the pain receding as he lay in the deep hot bath, the warm cocoon giving temporary relief. When he got out of the bath he inspected the damage and, to his surprise, found the evidence of two bites on his upper arms. There was a knock on the front door and Eric’s voice called out cheerfully, “Come on Falk. Get dressed and come join the party at our place.” Callie and Meisie Hendricks were also there and many drinks ahead of Falk. It felt terrific to have friends like this who wanted to celebrate his performance. The feeling of euphoria dwindled as the evening wore on, and he felt drowsy. The pain was back in his body when the Hendricks’s left, and that was when the conversation became serious. It was Eric who raised the subject. “Tell us to shut up if you want, Falk, but we are worried about this woman of yours. Jessie told me about your telephone call with her. If you want to talk about it we’re here for you. Okay, kerel?” It was a moment of vulnerability for Falk. In a week, he would be leaving for Prince Albert for the Easter Break and he would know for himself. Part of the fury he had felt on the rugby field that day had been directed at Pauline, and the possibility that he would not be allowed to be involved in the raising of his son. He had welcomed the physical challenge of the Good Hopes and now he was faced with a different challenge, to share or not to share, to be disloyal to Pauline or to maintain his silence. But was it being disloyal when she had told both his mother and Tess that she would have nothing to do with him? These were his friends, and he was so tired of keeping the secret. Tired and alone. “Ja, friends, I’ll tell you.” Where to start? Did it make sense if it was not at the beginning? “Pauline and I met at Oudtshoorn Hoer. She was a teacher and I was a pupil. We were attracted to each other and started our relationship when I was in Standard 10. We got caught. She was fired and I was expelled.” The litany continued, factual, with little sentimentality in the telling. Eric and Jessie became part of his inner circle. Stephanie, Tess, Gerard Pieterse, Johnny Arendse, and now them. He did not expect sympathy, only understanding, but as the telling continued Jessie came and sat next to him on the couch and her arm went inside his and she held him tight. Eric sat silent and still, leaning forward, elbows on knees, head down. Falk did not know what he was thinking. It became cathartic. He took them on his imaginary journey of the following Saturday, into the farm, seeing the baby, sitting down with Pauline on the back stoep, late afternoon, the mountains in the distance, the focus on her face as she listened to his plea and gave one of her own. When he was finished Jessie leaned forward and kissed him above the eye which had now blackened. “We will be there in spirit with you next Saturday,” she said. He could scarcely get out of bed the next morning, yet he was at peace. The body had been thrashed, yet the mind had been salved with the balm of sharing. He examined the body first. One eye blackened and swollen, cuts on the face, the pain of the two bites and muscles sore and awkward. It was very fortunate that there would only be light training for that week, stretching and getting function back, no serious contact for three weeks. And the mind? The sharing had been therapeutic, the sympathy of his two friends a connection which promised support for the future, that very uncertain future of his relationship with Pauline and the baby. What had she named him? If he could get them back to this place, this small house, there would be allies across the street, friends who understood and would help them. The mind remembered another assignation for that week, before the nervousness of what awaited him in Prince Albert. They were to meet Richard Rives on Wednesday evening, he and Alan, at a bar near Hewat College, at six in the evening. Alan had loaned him some of Rives’s work, including “Quartet,” the anthology that Rives had edited and which had been published five years earlier, and then banned by the South African government. The book contained the work of four authors, including Rives. Falk had read all of the stories several times, particularly impressed with the writing of Rives and Alex La Guma, both of whom captured the essence of people and place with colourful characters, startling images and the underlying unfairness of the society. He had wanted to read more of La Guma, but his works were also banned and the author himself had left the country a few years earlier. Falk was particularly wanting to take up with Rives his philosophy of acceptance of all African literature. In the foreword to another anthology called “Modern African Prose”, Rives had written that he had collected works produced by Africans and by that he meant people of Africa, regardless of colour, language or national distribution. It was those few words which struck a chord of harmony in Falk, which portrayed so accurately his own dislike of segregation in any form. Rives was in his late thirties, that day he met the two of them. Falk’s first impression was of a well-built man, dark of hue, with a square, sensuous face and heavy brows, below which peered eyes bright with intelligence. The voice was also deep. “Hallo Falk. I’ve read your poems. You write good stuff. A bit raw and self-conscious, but lots of promise.” It was amazing the boost those few words gave to the young author. He remembered reading about Hemingway’s early writing days when there was a collection of American authors living in Paris and they learned together, and it seemed also fought and loved together. What an environment for a new generation of writers. Could he also benefit from these two men whose works he admired so much? “Thank you, Mister Rives.” “Well Falk, we won’t get on if you call me names like that. I grew up in the poorest part of District Six. Only Whites and people from Walmer Estate were called Mister. You’re having a drink with us, so it’s Alan and Richard. Okay?” To Falk’s disappointment the conversation then turned to more mundane matters, everyday exchanges by two men involved in education. Then they started talking about Steve Biko and the influence he had exercised at the National Union of South African Students conference held at Rhodes University that year, and his assertion that the student body could no longer represent Black concerns because it was dominated by White liberal thinking. They both felt there would be a breakaway of students attracted to Biko’s new idea of Black consciousness. Falk had many questions, but held his tongue, better to learn from these two, both of them in the forefront of Coloured thinking. But then his curiosity became too much for him. “Excuse me but I want to know what’s wrong with White liberal thinking, and why do we want to accentuate “Black”. I read your introduction to your second anthology, Richard. You argue for acceptance of literature from all Africans, regardless of colour. Is Black consciousness not just another form of racism?” Steed answered. “You have to understand where Biko is coming from Falk. He doesn’t want Black racism any more than he wants White racism. He argues that Black people must regain their place in world society by their own deeds, not by backhands from Whites; that they must develop self-belief through their own endeavours. “And as for White liberals, you’ll have to attend a NUSAS meeting to see for yourself. Lots of resolutions which are meaningless in the end. The White students ultimately will take up their place in the White society and therefore will not support radical action against the government; they are, in fact, rooted to the status quo, despite their dislike of discriminatory legislation. Sometimes it seems their opposition is only to assuage their conscience. Many of us feel the real issues are not being addressed.” “But who is ‘Black’? What about us?” “Biko wants it to be inclusive of Coloured and Indian people. But your question is a good one, for many of his followers want him to be more radical. He sees ‘Black’ as an attitude of mind, not a skin colour. There’s going to be a split and there will be a new grouping which will not follow Biko’s philosophy or even the leadership of the ANC.” Falk was not at all convinced and realised he still harboured feelings of supremacy which came from his White background. He needed to know more. “Does Biko ever come down to the Cape?” “He hasn’t yet. At the moment he is living in Natal. Next time I go there, will you come with me?” Falk realised there was much more to that simple question. It involved commitment and risk. He would be pinning his flag to the anti-apartheid movement and his name would be listed in the records of the Security Branch. They both waited for his answer, also realising this could be a watershed for him. He gave a half-answer. “I’m against all forms of racism. I even see it in our rugby, with Muslim and Christian clubs. We played Good Hopes on Saturday and the game became a battle and I know at the heart of it was the religious split. It’s absolute rubbish. I’m not ready to decide which way I should go. I’m sorry Alan, I’m not ready for that question yet.” It was an unsatisfying answer but the two older men recognised his honesty. “That’s alright Falk. Take your time. Look around you, see what’s happening. When you’re ready come and talk to me. “Now listen Richard, this young man came to talk about literature. You’re the teacher of English, tell him what to do.” “You think I can give advice just like that? It’s a bit more difficult. But what I can tell you, Falk, is you must work at it constantly; write and keep writing. Express yourself on paper and start writing about everyday people. You’ve got the gift of language, now you must find the themes that will bring you to life so that the passion in your head becomes the passion on paper. “You understand that?” “Yes, I think so.” “And read, boy. Read the great South Africans. Olive Schriener. And read the Afrikaans writers. It doesn’t matter that they’re mostly White, they’re part of the spirit of the country, specially the rural country. And read Drum, they’re the only ones with the guts to publish some of our stuff; better still, send them some of your stories, get into print.” Falk was hanging on every word and was surprised when it stopped. It seemed suddenly that Rives wanted to go. “That’s it then. Good luck, boy. And by the way, I watched that game at the Track. At the moment you’re a better rugby player than a writer. You’ve got heart, boy, and when you become a freedom fighter, God save the Boere. Totsiens.” 4. Falk had a strange reluctance to tackle the next phase of his life. On the rational level he knew it was caused by the last meeting with Pauline. It was hard to overlook that rejection. Hard to be in love with the person who rejected you. He realised he could no longer distinguish between love, lust and duty, nor did he have a compass to set the next course. There was another layer to it. He was becoming reconciled to his circumstances. If Pauline came with him to Cape Town, it would be like starting again, having to get her to his level of acceptance or there would be no peace for them. You could not live in this unequal society, filled with bitterness, without losing your sense of self. The bitter ones were filled with despair and hatred. He knew that. It was one of the reasons why he had not agreed to go with Alan to see Biko. That step could lead down the stairs to the well. Of course, there were the ones who retained their calm, even in the midst of the fight against the regime; kept their sense of purpose and self. He was not sure if he could be one of those and, if he could not, he should not enter the fight. So there was the need to find his voice in the battle, find his place. It was hard enough without the need to assimilate Pauline into the plan as well, especially when he thought she would be a reluctant voyager. These thoughts occupied the drive to Prince Albert so that he could not have told you afterwards what the weather was like along the way, nor the traffic. The time passed, that was it, and then he was entering the outskirts of the town. He stopped at the small cemetery and alighted from the car, his ears singing with the memory of the monotonous drum of the engine. He found Caroline’s grave. It was the first time he had visited it. This was his great-grandfather’s lover, heroine of the romantic story that had helped him recover from the bruising he had in his soul after being expelled. In a way he realised it was also the story of Dan and Caroline that had made him want to connect with Pauline again, the romance of it opening his heart. He read the inscription in the stone; Caroline Armitage. 1845-1873. Beloved partner of Dan Baartman. “Full beautiful – a faery’s child” Keats. So appropriate. He could still recite the sad verses. What was that line again? “The sedge is withered from the lake / and no birds sing.” Such finality to even the birds abandoning the lake, the fictional season of loneliness. He made a minor decision; he would go to Rooikrantz first. Tess was always the sage one. He could not help first driving past the town farm, seeing nothing, then turning at the corner before the dairy and returning to drive past again. Still nothing to be seen. In the absence of something to jolt him from his decision, he turned before the cemetery onto the gravel road and headed west towards his aunt’s farm. It was Saturday and Rooikrantz was also quiet, with no people to be seen when he parked behind the big house. He opened the car door, the action spilling dust into the interior, and stepped outside, taking in the serenity, feeling the memories of happier days. “Hallo, Falk.” The voice came from the fig orchard and shortly she emerged in her traditional dress, dungarees and boots, basket swinging from one arm. They embraced and he smelt the dust in her hair and the pungency of the cut figs in her basket. “So you’ve come for advice from the old aunt first?” He played along with her light tone. “Of course. But first tell me my son’s name?” “Haytham.” “What?” “Haytham.” She spelt it. “Where did she get that name from?” “She’s an intelligent girl, your Pauline. I think she wanted to please you. It’s an Arabic word. It means young hawk. The son of Falk. That’s an admission, isn’t it?” He ignored the question. One thing at a time. “I like the meaning, but the poor kid’s going to get stick from his friends.” “Maybe not. A name’s just a name, Falk, like yours. You get used to it.” “So she wants to please me. That sounds like a good start.” “Yes, I think it is. But come now, tell me, why did you come here first?” “I was suddenly reluctant to see her, Tess. I went to the cemetery. Remember you told me years ago to do that, to see Caroline’s grave? Anyway, that sense of history made me nervous. I wanted to find the lay of the land.” “Good idea. But now you’ll get there in the dark, and that’s not a good idea. Do you want to stay here tonight?” “Yes, I think that would be better.” “Okay, I’ll phone your mom.” “What’ll you tell her?” “I’ll tell her the truth. She’ll understand. Pauline doesn’t know you’re coming yet, now we can prepare her for your visit tomorrow, and you’ll get there in the morning when both she and the baby will be refreshed.” Later he could explore the subject further. “If she’s considered me in the naming of the boy she must have had a change of heart. What brought that about, Tess?” “Reality, I think. Given a good old nudge by her parents.” “So they’ve been here?” “Yes, they came up three or four days after Haytham was born. They’re a nice couple, you’re bound to meet them one day. But they’re clearly terrified that Pauline’s mother will be branded Coloured, like her daughter. I think that’s what the conversation between Pauline and them was about. Your Ma and I weren’t privy to it, but that’s what we think happened; they refused to allow her to go and live with them in PE. Pauline was in a bad state for a few days after they left. She couldn’t even produce milk and we had to switch the little tyke to formula.” Falk was saddened on two counts; that Pauline had tried to leave him and that she too had suffered the feeling of abandonment. He could take no sense of revenge from her pain. “Has the boy been registered yet, Tess?” “Yes, I took her over the mountain when she regained her composure.” “Did she give him her surname?” “I don’t know, but I would assume so.” “What do you think I’m going to be confronted with when I go there tomorrow?” “I think she now realises she has to make a future with you, that you’re her best chance. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, son, but I know that’s why you came to see me; to get the truth. Of course, it’s not necessarily the truth, only my reading of it. I’m sorry to say I don’t believe her change of heart has its roots in any love she might feel for you. That love can come back, but I think you’ll have to regain it through your actions.” “You don’t much like her, do you, Tess?” “Oh, I like her well enough. She can be charming, and she’s a rare beauty. I just don’t like what she did to you.” “You need to get over that, Tess. I’m just as much at fault; I was an adult when I went looking for her in PE.” “Well, be that as it may. You asked what I think you’ll encounter tomorrow. I think she’ll be calm and rational and hopefully will talk about her fears, confront them as it were. That’s the best scenario. You’ll just have to wait and see Falk.” “And my son?” Her demeanour changed. “Ah, he’s the cutest child, a beautiful boy, full of smiles, only niggles when he has cramps. He’s the reason that I know you’ll try to make it work, Falk. I know your heart.” He wished he did. Pauline was waiting, alone, on the back stoep. He knew it had been orchestrated, for Stephanie was nowhere to be seen. Falk pushed open the screen door and they both took stock of one another, like boxers entering the ring. The simile was his, and not a welcome thought. She had a look of plea in her eyes, almost fearful, and it was the first time he had seen that look for many years; the last time had been that fateful night when she propositioned him in the prep room of the hostel. It took just that look to change their relationship. Falk had always been the supplicant in their partnership and had not enjoyed the feeling, although he understood where it came from. He had not been able to change his junior age status, but had long wanted to break the teacher/pupil subjugation that was implied in much of what they had done together. He noticed other things in those few moments that they stood facing one another, before anything was said or done. Pauline had always been slim of build, her breasts the only voluptuous part of her body, and to his surprise she had already almost returned to the weight she had enjoyed before the pregnancy, only a slight bulge of the tummy marking her passage to womanhood. And, as always, he was surprised by the beauty of her face, which perhaps was even enhanced by the pleading look in her eyes. She took the first step forward and then they were embracing and her lips were soft and welcoming and he was lost in the change and the hope and his only thoughts became ones of forgiveness and rejuvenation. They talked for what seemed like hours, sitting on that back stoep, the blue mountains looming in the background. As he had wished it, he listened to her plea and she to his and, for the first time in many months, they were common; a return to the previous feelings for one another, an acceptance of their changed status, building a family and future together in that far-off place called Athlone under the mystic mountain. He wanted to be sceptical, but allowed himself to hope. She had done much to try to rectify the damage she had done in their previous meeting and amongst those things the one that stood out, made him softer in his acceptance of the possibilities of the future, was that she had registered the boy in his name: Haytham Baartman. The sound of their hungry son broke the chain. The boy was already so changed in appearance from that first day of his life that Falk had to hold him close and the mother let him sit on the couch in the bedroom and feed him his bottle. Then she showed him how to burp the little boy and only then could he lie him face-up on his lap and have his first nonsensical conversation with his son. The boy’s eyes stayed fixed on his and every now and then he would smile, whether smile or grimace it did not matter, for the father was enchanted. When they came to live with him, a few weeks after the start of the second term, all of his neighbours turned out to welcome them; old Emeran in his red fez, Meisie with profferings of cake, Eric and Jessie looking cool and modern. In later years, Falk would admit that Pauline did try, she just did not have the staying power that was needed. Those first weeks and months she did her best to accept every condition that moving to a lower-middle class Coloured suburb required of her. And the Biggs family played a large role in her acceptance and then much later an even more significant role in her demise. On the day she arrived she was charming and self-effacing and she had the advantage of the perfect distraction in Haytham, who smiled at all the strange faces peering down at him. It was only when they were alone in the house that she questioned his friendship with the Hendricks and Emeran families and he worried even then that she would not be able to accept Coloured people at face value. But he was prepared to cut her a lot of slack and in the beginning was optimistic that she could change. And that night she initiated the first sex between them for nearly six months, and she was more uninhibited than she had ever been, and he knew he could never be objective about her as long as her unbridled joy in the many varieties of the sexual act were a feature of their relationship. The positive for Falk for the many months before the relationship started to unravel was coming home to a house filled with human activity. It was more difficult to get to and from the university on the train and rugby practice days were the most difficult because he only got home after seven in the dark, and so eventually he started to use the car on Tuesdays and Thursdays. But he thought it all worth it, and did not begrudge standing on the cold and sometimes wet railway platform with all the other winter commuters. In particular, he loved his son with a depth of feeling that constantly surprised him, and he would bring study material home with him rather than study in the library so that he could spend as much time with Haytham as possible. The studying was done when the child slept, as was the additional fitness training, but now he used the facility on Klipfontein Road. When the arguments started they were about money, perceived neglect and boredom, in that order. One afternoon when he came home there was a smart new pram standing in the lounge. “Nice pram, Pauline, what did it cost?” “We can’t question cost when I comes to our son, surely only the best for him?” His first response was mild. “I don’t think material things are what’s best for our son.” She became sarcastic and that was what angered him enough to make an issue of it. “I suppose you’ll say it’s just the love of the mother?” “Yes, I would. The child needs love and security, not a fancy pram.” “And you don’t consider my needs, carrying a baby around when I do the shopping.” “You have the pram that Tess gave you.” “That old-fashioned thing?” “So, it’s about appearances is it, Pauline? And that has nothing to do with Haytham. That’s about your image, not the comfort of our son. That’s all about you at the fancy shops in Claremont, pretending to be White.” “Now you’re being fucking horrible. What’s wrong with me escaping this place for just a few minutes?” He ignored the question, for he could not censure her for her desire for escape; at least not in absolute terms. It was the degree that worried him, but that was an argument for another day. “What did it cost, Pauline?” She grabbed her handbag in a rage and threw things out of it and eventually she found what she was looking for and flung the invoice at him. “There, if cost is all that matters to you.” The cost of the pram was almost the same as two months’ house rent. He was appalled. “This is two months’ rent, Pauline.” “We’ve got the fucking money, Falk.” “We’ve discussed this before. We have to live with no income until I get my degree. We have to be careful. And I wish you’d stop swearing.” “You are a one, Falk. Stop pretending to be White, you say. You’re a Coloured, you say. And Coloured’s don’t swear? No fucking way, Coloured’s don’t swear.” She snatched up her bag and the keys to the car and slammed out of the house and a few moments later he heard the car engine straining to obey her angry will. When she came back that evening she was morbidly drunk and he knew she had been to a white bar or hotel in Rondebosch or Claremont and he wondered who she had spoken to and what she had done. He threw himself once more into rugby, taking his resentment out on the opposition, and he led a charmed life, not being injured despite the heroic antics. If the opposition had known the source of his anger and energy, they would gladly have paid Pauline to be more compliant. They won game after game, the opposition succumbing to their brand of aggressive loose play and classy backs: Pumas, Tricolours, Young Ideas, Montrose, Silver Tree were just some of the clubs that fell to the onward march of UWC under their coach, Mister A. It was not until September that they suffered another defeat, this time at the hands of Fairplays from the Strand, and shortly thereafter Vineyards narrowly beat them in a game played at their grounds in Paarl. Both teams that beat them late in the season were affiliated to the Union, the predominantly Muslim grouping. UWC, with both Muslim and Christian players, stayed out of the orientation of the other clubs to either the Union or the predominantly Christian grouping which called itself the League. Falk was becoming increasingly uneasy about the split in Coloured rugby. It was spoiling his enjoyment of the game and there were times when, even in the small world of their own team, arguments about perceived differences threatened morale. He did not want to think too deeply about the problems, just enjoy the game. For the first months Pauline came to watch the Saturday games, taking enjoyment from Falk’s successes and the obvious following he had among spectators. Hers was the reflected glory and that was enough in the beginning. Later she came to resent the time he spent training and playing the game of rugby, and it became the target in her complaint that he was neglecting her. He argued that if he had a full-time job, they would have seen even less of him, but she had travelled beyond the rational as 1968 drew to a close. UWC made the top three in the rugby championship that year. Falk was the undoubted star, and all expected him to represent the Coloured “Springboks” the following year, in their annual test against the Black national team. Falk, though, was beginning to doubt that he could continue to play the game, for he not only had the opposition of his partner, but playing a game that was segregated along both racial and religious grounds was against his own principles. He remembered well that first day sitting with the two girls in the cafeteria and vowing that he would not support anything that segregated people. He even remembered the words he’d used to describe his path: “If something did not include all races then, fuck it, I am out.” The clubs affiliated to the Union, mostly Muslim, were starting to argue against a continuation of the games against the Black national team and they were strongly opposed to Coloureds playing against overseas touring teams, feeling these games were only organised to give a veneer of normality to the game of rugby so that Whites could continue to play international competition. Their credo became “no normal sport in an abnormal society”, which was heartily endorsed by Falk who was taking a more aggressive political stance on campus. His unique positioning as a rugby hero gave greater credence to his word and he was listened to. The year ended with another blow to the culture of the Coloured people. For the first time in the Twentieth Century, the “Coon Carnival” could not march through the streets of Cape Town on the day after New Year’s Day, the day they called “tweede nuwe jaar” and which meant so much to them, for it had been a tradition from the days of slavery, it symbolised the day off they were given by their Dutch masters. The previous year they had been banned from using Green Point Track as their final assembly point, following the march of the troupes through the city. It seemed the authorities had no idea how important Green Point was to the Coloured communities of the Western Cape. A part of their identity was taken from them by an unthinking White minority. Now this second blow. It was hard to comprehend the senselessness of it. Laws had been promulgated to control the assembly of nonwhite people and they would be enforced by an authoritarian and perhaps nervous regime, despite a history of peaceful marches, and the great joy it gave to the Coloured people; an outlet for their exuberance, a celebration of the colourful and the bizarre. There were street parties throughout the areas where the people of colour lived. On Brandon Street the party started on New Year’s Eve, quietly at first, with people standing outside their homes on the narrow street, drinking with their close neighbours. Then it started to shift, and the throng moved, meeting new people, swapping stories. By eleven it was quite uninhibited, and impromptu dances were starting, dancing to the music pouring into the street from the numerous gramophones moved out onto the small verandahs for the occasion. Falk made it his task to keep checking up on Haytham and the Biggs’s little girl, Sarah. They were in the Biggs house under the eye of Jessie’s mother, a widow, who was always, it seemed, available for babysitting duties. When he re-joined his party on the one occasion, just before the midnight hour, he witnessed a strange and disturbing scene. Pauline and Eric were dancing, and their skill and exuberance had attracted a crowd. It seemed like they were old dancing partners, almost as if their movements had been choreographed. They made a stunning couple, and the crowd were enjoying the performance, cheering them to new heights. Falk knew Pauline could dance, had experienced it at the Bush Tavern in Prince Albert on those far-off Friday nights. But this was different; she had found a partner who could match her skill and Falk felt uneasy seeing the ease and fluidity of their movements. I’m not jealous, he told himself, and the moment might have just become a passing incident if he had not then seen Jessie’s face. She was standing in the background, away from the light of the overhead street lamp under which the two dancers were performing. The look on her face portrayed a deep hurt. Falk approached closer to her, disturbed by what he saw, wanting to make sure he was not mistaken. He was not. It was a look of betrayal. She sensed his presence and turned to see him and immediately the look changed to one of shame, as if she had been caught doing something illicit. He moved over to her. “What’s wrong Jessie?” “Nothing, why? Why do you ask?” “You looked strange. Upset.” “No, I’m not, really.” She would say nothing more, but he knew she was hiding something. Jessie had always seemed so serene, so completely in control of herself and her feelings, enough to make her seem contented, happy with her place in life. She was the antithesis of Pauline, who was always seeking new horizons, new thrills. The parties started to break up shortly after the boisterous New Year wishes. They had to keep some energy for the real party, which was to take place the next day; many of the troupes would be marching at Athlone Stadium. The four friends strolled back through the emptying streets and it was as if the disturbing incident had not taken place. The banter was light and perhaps only Falk detected the strain in the voice of Jessie and her unnatural attempt at frivolity. After they had retrieved their sleeping son and returned to their home, Pauline went straight to bed, leaving Falk to tend to the boy. The child murmured in his sleep but did not waken. Falk stayed in the boy’s room, sitting at the side of his cot, watching his face in the light which spilled into the room from the streetlamp. It had been a tumultuous year with so much new, so much emotion, such adaption required that sometimes in the journey through that year he had marvelled at his capacity to absorb the changes. The little boy was the best happening of the year, his birth correcting many of the things Falk was not proud of. He would be changing certain things the following year. The incident he had observed that evening made him see once again that he and Pauline had little in common. Why had he not admitted that to himself before? Part of growing up, he supposed, realising the boundaries. He thought of the qualities he saw in Jessie, and that he had so admired in Isa, and realised he had taken a four-year deviation from his path, gone down the wrong road because of physical attraction and now duty. But it was not his duty to penalise himself for too much longer. Jessie had been obviously concerned that she was losing her man. Perhaps it was only that one incident that gave her that fear, or perhaps Eric had given her cause for alarm on other occasions. Whatever it was, she had shown to Falk her genuine love for her man. In his heart he knew Pauline did not love him like that. He had tried to be a good partner to her, but he knew her tenure in his home was entirely driven by her self-interest. Of course he had known that was her motivation. Tess had told him. But he had thought she would change and he was wrong, and that new year, 1969, he would rectify it. There was one thing standing in his way: he wanted his son. Not only that, he thought Pauline was an unsuitable mother. There were other things he wanted that coming year. He wanted to be true to himself. Stephanie had always said she raised him to have self-pride and to have respect for others, irrespective of race or class. His self-pride had taken a dent that year. To believe in himself he had to rid himself of the toxic relationship he had with Pauline, and he had to fight for the people who were being deprived of their rights, dehumanised by an evil philosophy which placed one man above another on the basis of race. It was a tall order but right at that moment, with the New Year just hours old, he made himself that promise. 5. In a June 1969 edition of Drum magazine, an article appeared which exposed the political intrigue and power struggles in Coloured rugby in the Western Cape. What made the article more newsworthy was that the author had just been selected for the trials to pick the next Springbok Coloured team to face their Black counterparts. The headline read; Religious intolerance and power ambitions in Western Province Coloured rugby circles. An expose by Coloured Springbok trialist, Falk Baartman. The article had taken Falk weeks to write. He knew the furore it would create in rugby circles and knew too the impact it would have on his life. He would never have embarked on the project without first understanding that it would put an end to his rugby ambitions, and once that monumental decision was behind him, he deliberately timed its release to take place after the trial teams for Coloured national honours had been announced. He had interviewed numerous players and researched the structures and constitutions of both Union- and League-affiliated clubs. He frankly disclosed the social and religious differences through the eyes of the participants; the Muslim players did not party after the games, the Christians did. The Muslim clubs were often family affairs and the Christian players felt this excluded them. The consensus amongst players was that these differences did not require separate clubs; that the motivation for separation perhaps lay in the egos of the club leaders. The author also found that none of the Muslim clubs excluded Christian players but that some of the Christian clubs barred entry to Muslim players. Falk reserved the most coverage for the executive of the Union and League branches of the sport and in particular to their two Presidents, Cuthbert Loriston and Abdullah Abbass. Neither had granted him an interview, and he had been required to gain a view of them through their associates. Falk was careful not to express his own views. It was good journalism, and it left an abiding impression that the power struggle of the two top men was a major factor in the division in the sport. He was also careful to have others express the view that they should not be involved in rugby that accentuated the differences between the races and therefore should neither play racially biased rugby nor allow themselves to be used as propaganda to attract overseas competition for White rugby. The article ended with the slogan, “No normal sport in an abnormal society”. That, he knew, would attract the attention of the authorities, but it was time to express his creed. Falk had started his campaign to regain his self-pride. The reaction to the article was far stronger than he could possibly have anticipated. It started with an urgent message to meet with his coach. Johnny Arendse was almost beside himself. He had the edition of the Drum in his hand. “Falk, what’s this fucking rubbish?” Falk kept quiet, not about to answer rhetorical questions, but greatly saddened that he had needed to offend this man who he admired so much. “This is fucking rubbish, Falk. Where did you get such nonsense? You make out that the Christians are the bad guys, not allowing Muslims into their clubs. Where did you get that shit?’ “It’s in the constitution of three of the League clubs I studied, Mister A.” “Written like that? Muslims not allowed?” “Yes.” “My Jirra, such fucking stupidity! And where’d you get this nonsense about Cuthbert? He’s a good man, a blerrie fine administrator. You don’t know the inside story Falk. You’ve got it totally wrong. The reason for the split was because Abbass bled the Union dry, they’ve got no money. Cuthbert refused to lend them more; why should he? They can’t control their affairs. Shit, you’ve got it wrong Falk.” The younger man kept silent. He had heard that argument, had included it in the article, but Johnny’s anger was giving him selective recall. “And what do you think’s gonna happen to you now?” “I was not going to play for the national side, Mister A. I’ve decided I cannot play for a side selected on the basis of race, so I’m going to withdraw from the trials. I’ve already written to them.” “Ag, Falk, what a waste. You don’t know what you’re throwing away. Why didn’t you come to me? I told you I’d help you with anything.” “I couldn’t, Mister A, not about this. You would have tried to stop me writing it. You love rugby so much that it’s more important than anything else in your life. I’m not being critical of you. I admire you for your love of the game. I’m different. There are other things more important to me, things I have to do about what’s happening to us in this country.” Arendse became angry again. “God gave you this talent. It’s not just your decision. You can’t beat the Boere. Don’t try that, they’ll fuck you up. They’ll make your life a misery. Not just you, also your family.” “I’ve seen you fighting them, Mister A, trying to arrange a game with UCT. You told me they threatened you. You’d do it for rugby and your team. I’m going to do it for different reasons but you and I, we’re not so far apart.” Arendse stopped then, the anger draining from him. He sighed deeply. “Such a fucking waste. Do you still want to play for Bushies?” “I’d love to play for you, Mister A.” “As long as it’s just against other Coloured teams?” “Yes.” “We’ll see. The Rector wants to see you, Falk. He’ll be in his office ‘til ten.” The Rector at that time was still a White man, a government appointment. “Why did you write this article, Meneer Baartman?” “Because it needed to be written, Doctor. It is a shame that Coloured people, under threat as a race, should be unable to be united even in sport.” “I was not aware of the extent of this division between the two Coloured rugby unions. Is it as you’ve written it?” Falk was appalled that someone in the position of Rector of a Coloured university could admit to such ignorance. “Yes, I was careful in my research.” “I don’t think you should write more articles like this. It makes it very difficult for us with the government. We rely on government funding, Meneer Baartman. We can’t afford to alienate them.” The comment raised two questions for Falk. “Do you think the government would be unhappy about this angle, Doctor? Don’t you think they might be pleased that there is division in Coloured rugby along religious lines? It shows they are right to split people, in this case Cape Malays and Cape Coloureds.” “Yes, you have a point.” The second point was trickier, but Falk had started his campaign to be himself and he was not to be thwarted. “You surely do not want to censure what I write in the public domain, Doctor?” “I didn’t put it like that. I’m saying you should be careful what you write. It could put an end to your academic career.” “You would rusticate students for what they write?” “Listen, Meneer Baartman, you are being contentious now, putting words in my mouth. You live in a society prescribed by law, in a university subsidised by the makers of that law. You’re intelligent enough to work it out for yourself. I’m trying to help you here, pointing you in the right direction. Your first priority should be to complete your degree so that you can find gainful employment.” There were also positive consequences to the article. The Argus group reprinted the article in all their newspapers and Falk received a message from the Editor of the Cape Argus, complimenting him on a fine piece of journalism and inviting him to talk to the newspaper should he seek employment as a journalist. One evening, shortly after the article appeared he arrived home on foot from the station to find a battered old Opel parked outside his house. On the veranda sat Richard Rives. “Falk, my boy, you’ve arrived in the world of us writers. I’m proud of you. I think your article is going to be discussed for some time and maybe, just maybe, it’ll make us ashamed enough to stop these foolish divisions amongst ourselves. Well done, it’s is a fine piece of journalism.” “Thank you, Richard. You came all this way to tell me that?” “I came from just up the road Falk, but I would have come from far further afield.” “Thank you again. You’ve no idea how I appreciate your support. I’ve taken some stick this week.” “Ja, I can imagine. Well I must be going now.” “Won’t you stay? Can’t I offer you a beer, or some wine?” He would not stay and Falk wondered why he was in such a hurry. He found out soon enough. “Who was that Black man?” asked Pauline. “What are you talking about?” “That man who I asked to wait for you on the veranda. I wasn’t going to let him into the house.” Falk was mortified. The writer he admired so much had been turned away from their door. “Pauline, that is Richard Rives, one of the best writers in the country, and you showed him such discourtesy. How could you do that?” “How was I supposed to know? He looks Black.” “That’s your problem, Pauline. You still think like a White, seeing people in colour, regardless of their worth.” “I’m sick of your criticism, Falk. I sit around here all day with nothing to do, nothing to stimulate my mind, not like you, and then you have the gall to criticise me. You try staying at home.” “Staying at home is your choice, Pauline. I don’t make it for you. You have a car, there are places to go to, friends you can make. Open your eyes to what is around you.” “Yes, good idea, I’ll do just that.” She disappeared into their bedroom and when she emerged she had changed her blouse and put lipstick on. “I’ll be back sometime, I suppose. You know what to do with the boy.” Once again he was left to an evening with his son, hardly a penance. He wondered where she was getting the money to go drinking in the White bars; ever since the pram incident he had limited the funds available to her. Falk also received support from most of his rugby team mates, and he received a challenge, a repeat of an earlier challenge, delivered by Alan Steed. “Are you ready now Falk?” He pretended ignorance. “For what?” “To take a chance. To take a risk for your ideals.” “What do you have in mind?” “Biko is organising a conference next month. The venue is at the University of the North, outside Pietersburg. It’s to inaugurate a new union of non-white students.” “Alan, stop right there. Listen to yourself. You’ve just defined this new organisation in racist terms.” Steed’s reply was mild. “Perhaps I chose the wrong words. I know that Steve admires NUSAS and has invited them to send a delegation to the conference. But NUSAS is unable to be the organisation it wants to be. It’s banned from all the non-white campuses and controlled by Whites who, even if they want to change the discriminatory laws of this country, have limited influence on White society and the government. Even with the relatively small danger they represent to the government their leaders are being banned; some of their Rhodesian leaders, some wonderful young men, have been deported. “They won’t cross the line, Falk. They won’t consider more radical action to effect change.” “And you will?” “Yes. Well, maybe. I’ve not been tested yet. But you asked that question of me personally. Ask it in general terms. Will the new student organisation consider more radical action: boycotts, strikes, burning passbooks, things like that? Yes. I think they will. “So, what’s your answer? Will you come with me?” Falk had been thinking about it for some time; the need to go the step further and all the dangers that entailed. His greatest fear was strangely not for himself, it was for Haytham. He did not trust Pauline to look after him. What would happen if he was not there? “I’m not convinced Alan, but yes, I’ll go with you.” They travelled by train in the non-white coaches and slept on benches designated for non-whites at the railway stations where they made connections. It was a tiring journey, almost two full days. A taxi took them into the countryside to the university premises where they were to be accommodated in the hostels of the university, empty because of the mid-year holidays. The inaugural conference of the new South African Students Organisation was to commence the following day and was scheduled for three days. Alan and Falk were the only two Coloured representatives at the conference and contrary to what they had been informed, no NUSAS office bearers attended the meeting. The delegates all came from the Black universities: the non-European section of Natal University, Ongoye, St Peter’s Seminary, the University of South Africa and, of course, their hosts, the University of the North. They were made to feel welcome, even effusively, for Alan was much admired for his writing. Falk was initially uncomfortable to be in the presence of so many Black people, but soon his strangeness disappeared as the speakers began to talk of topics which showed him the commonality of their causes. Steve Biko was a colossus at that conference, his presence felt in almost every debate, his will becoming the collective will. Falk was fascinated by the charming power of the man and was delighted when Alan informed him that they were joining a party that first evening with Biko and some of his close associates. The party was held in the common room of one of the hostels. There were a dozen of them, including three women, one of whom seemed to be Biko’s companion. All three women were young and modern, the one particularly interested in Falk, making it quite clear that his advances would be welcomed. Early in the evening, Biko challenged him in a loud voice, deliberately loud to attract the attention of all. “So, Falk, you won’t play rugby against us.” “Who’s us?” “Us. Black people. You know we love our rugby in the Eastern Cape. We wanted to see the falcon. Your reputation preceded you. But you didn’t want to play against us.” By then, all attention was on Falk and their leader and he felt the pressure of getting that encounter right. “I’ll play rugby against anyone, Steve. But I won’t play rugby that institutionalises racism.” “Interesting point of view. What do the rest of you guys feel?” No-one ventured a reply; they wanted to listen to the two protagonists. “So. One of the topics for tomorrow is the use of intervarsity competition as a means of communication between the centres of learning. It’s something we can do without the boere interfering. Would you play for UWC against Fort Hare?” “Of course. You’re getting me wrong about the Black versus Coloured thing Steve. I don’t want to play Coloured rugby or Black rugby. I just want to play the game, and if I’m good enough I want to play for my country. I don’t want to play in a trumped-up farce which pits one race against another in an attempt to ape the national White side. That’s wrong. Playing for my university against another university is fine with me; as long as everyone at my university qualifies to play. “You see, Steve, that’s what really got to me about Coloured rugby. Did you read my article in Drum?” “Of course.” “Good. I was driven to write that article because of my disgust that religion became a divisive thing in Coloured rugby down in our part of the country. How do you feel about religion dividing sport?” “The same as you. You know, of course, you’re presenting one of the main arguments for Black consciousness?” “How so?” “Be proud of what you are. Don’t let race become a constricting factor as in, ‘Oh look at him, he’s pretty good for a Black man’. That’s bullshit. If I’m good I want it to be a universal good, not a qualified good, and certainly not because the White man helped me get there. You with me?” The conversation moved to other topics and the beer flowed. Falk managed to avoid a close encounter with Peggy, the Black girl, although he was sorely tempted, for sex had become a sometime thing between him and Pauline. It was a disappearing act that he had to repeat for the duration of the conference. 6. Falk was away for a week, and when he returned Pauline had flown the nest. The house was quiet, the curtains drawn. It was inexplicable, for his car was parked in the yard. He did not have a key and rattled the door knob with no response. He heard his name called from across the street. Jessie had come to their fence and gestured for him to go to her. When he got closer he could see the anxiety in her face. She appeared to have aged in the short time he had been gone, her face drawn and haggard. “She’s gone, Falk. They’ve both gone.” He got her meaning immediately, and he felt a surge of relief followed by a spike of anxiety regarding Haytham. “Who’s gone, Jessie?” “Pauline and Eric. Come in, Falk, I can’t talk out here. All the neighbours know. They’ve probably been anticipating your return and are looking at us from behind their curtains. I can’t stand that thought.” He followed her into their lounge and there on the couch were Sarah and Haytham, the boy asleep, cushions piled around him so that he could not fall. He looked the question at her. “She left him. Said you loved him more, and he has your name anyway. I suppose you could say that is the one decent thing she did, but it’s probably simpler than that; most likely she didn’t want a child to spoil her fun.” “And Eric went with her?” “Yes, they’ve gone to Port Elizabeth. He says he has a job there with the municipality in the Department of Housing. She’s going to try and get her job back with Ford.” “Oh shit, Jessie. I’m so sorry.” “Yes, I know you are. I don’t know how long they’ve been lovers. Probably months and I never guessed it. You know I looked out for this after that dance on New Year’s Eve, but they still deceived me.” She sat down suddenly, as if the energy had left her body. Her face looked such a picture of misery that he went to her side and put his arms around her, felt the tremble in her body. His compassion released the floodgates. “Oh, my Lord, Falk, I just wanted to have you come back. I couldn’t speak to my mother, she thinks I must have done something wrong. I can tell only you. Only you know the love I had for Eric, you saw it that night.” “Yes, I did.” “I’m so wrapped in my own grief that I haven’t thought of you. I’m sorry. You’ve lost Pauline.” “Pauline and I were going to break up Jessie. I never initiated the break, because of Haytham.” Her voice became bitter. “So she switched her sights to my husband. Why didn’t you end it sooner Falk, before she stole my husband?” There wasn’t an answer he could give that could ameliorate her acrimony, and he let her think it through, knowing she was not the kind of person to hold unfair grudges. When some time had passed he asked quietly, “When did they go?” “It was a few days ago. Saturday, I think. Yes, Saturday.” “And you’ve looked after my son.” “That was a godsend, because he was a distraction. He’s a very good little boy, Falk.” “I know, and now I have him for the rest of my life.” “What will you do when you go back to ’varsity?” “I still have more than two weeks of the holidays to think about that and make arrangements.” “I can help, Falk. I’d be happy to care for him. It’s not much more extra work, and he and Sarah get on well. She likes to pretend she is the mother.” “That would be splendid, Jessie. Let’s think about that.” “Of course, I might not be able to do it for long. It depends on what maintenance Eric pays. That’s all to be negotiated, I suppose, when the divorce proceedings start. I might have to go back to work.” “I didn’t know you worked before. What did you do?” “I was a secretary in a legal office, and I was studying part time. I was in my second year of a degree in law through UNISA when I fell pregnant with Sarah, and I’ve now managed to finish that year.” Jessie had the key to his home and a short while later he left to open the house and check what food and other provisions he needed to buy before the shops closed. He would fetch his son later; better to let him sleep. For a few days there was a strangeness to his new life, just he and Haytham in the house, adjusting his routines to his son’s rhythm, getting to know his neighbourhood as never before, seen through the eyes of his son on their many walks, Hatytham leaning out of the pram to touch the dogs loping alongside them, housewives leaning over gates with their own children, some still in their gowns with their hair in curlers, introducing themselves with colourful language and good humour, and doing what he could for his neighbour and her grief; shopping for both of them. And the writing. The writing came back. He had not realised how his strife with Pauline had stunted the creative side of his nature and with her gone he started to see the world differently and to see in it opportunities to describe it in refreshing and new ways. He wrote a short story inspired by what he had observed at the SASO conference: the exuberance of new beginnings, the thrill of finding common ideals, the danger of the police state looming over them. In his story there were two characters, fictional Falk and Peggy, different race and background, speaking in the vernacular, Kaaps for him, township chic for her, exploring bodies and minds, day and night with no let-up in their delight at just being there, in the cauldron of that small piece of history. He wrote a revised version, took out the graphic sex and sent it off to Drum. The return to classes was also welcomed, much more stimulating with his mind open and free of the daily niggle of an unsatisfying relationship. He worried about Jessie, but that worry brought about positive energy, how he could help her. He heard not a word from Pauline and delighted in that because, if she ever wanted Haytham back, she was giving Falk the tools with which to fight her, her abandonment proof of her unsuitability. He still took the train on the days he did not have rugby practice, leaving his car and his son with Jessie, returning home as soon as his classes were over, realising in time that it was not just his son that he missed. Jessie’s divorce proceedings started, letters from Eric’s lawyer, and she sought out Falk’s help in both the detail and the emotion of the betrayal. Eric claimed she was living with Falk, had started a relationship with him while still living under the roof of her husband; claimed that was the root cause of him leaving the city, unable to live in the same place as his cheating wife. As cruel as the false claims were, they had one unintended outcome: they healed her of her love for Eric, and they placed her and Falk on an equal footing, both having to admit their poor judgment in their former partners. Falk realised his admiration for his neighbour had morphed into something much deeper, a love which was selfless and patient; he would not burden her with a declaration of his love until she was ready. She saw it anyway, saw it in his faithfulness and the way he looked at her. She also admitted to herself that there had been an attraction from the beginning, the lithe and strong body up the ladder, paintdaubed and almost naked, his complimentary first words, and the blue eyes so playful and warm. Falk had worried that attending the SASO conference would bring him to the attention of the security police, but it was not that which caused their first attack on his person. The anti-apartheid forces realised later that the State was not displeased with the formation of a non-white student body, for it sanctified their own race policies. Falk’s earlier piece on Coloured rugby had also pleased hardnosed right wing nationalists for the same reason. What got them going was the short story in Drum, with the plagiarised title A Hard Day’s Night. It brought Wynand van der Spuy, the dreaded head of the Security Branch in the Western Cape, to his door. There was a white late model Toyota Corona parked outside his house. He had seen it as he turned into his street and knew it for what it was, a government car. As he approached, he could see two men sitting in it, White men with short haircuts and hard faces, and he knew instinctively that he was in trouble and that he should not go first to Jessie’s house to get his son. As he passed them, walking into his yard, they got out of the car and the taller one, the one who had been the passenger, called out to him, “Is jy Baartman?” “Ja, meneer.” He hated himself for the obsequious tone he heard in his voice and for pandering to them by calling them ‘mister’. He had succumbed to the many frightening stories he had heard since coming to live among the Coloured community in that city. “Come with us. Get in the car.” “Why should I? Who are you?” “Don’t argue, jong, get in the car.” Perhaps because he was ashamed of his first frightened reaction he dug his heels in. “You can’t just order people around. I suppose you are the police. If that is so, why are you detaining me? What is your reason for coming to my house? Are you arresting me?” “Too many questions, jong. Get in the car or we’ll fuck you up.” They came to him and pushed him towards the back door of their car. Falk knew better than to resist, for that would earn him a charge of assaulting a police office. In the end they did not do much to him, but he remembered for all time that first loss of freedom, the feeling of helplessness that accompanies incarceration in the hands of an uncaring enemy for whom observation of the law is not a requirement. He was taken to a police station and interrogated. There was not much physical abuse, some slaps and digs, but it was meant to humiliate not cause serious damage. It was to show him their power and his impotence. The interrogation was conducted mostly by the taller policeman. It started much later. Falk had been placed in an interrogation room and made to wait. When he thought that perhaps nothing would happen that evening, the two came into the room. “I am Colonel Van der Spuy. You’ve heard of me?” “Yes.” “Yes what?” That was when the other man stood up and reached over the table to slap Falk in the face. “You will call the Colonel, meneer.” “Ag, never mind Hans, he’s just a Hot’not who still thinks he’s a White man. “So, White man, we see now that you never had a right to live amongst us. Fucking kaffirs now, hey? Maybe we should have declared you a kaffir, not a Coloured.” At first Falk did not know what Van der Spuy was talking about, and then realised he was taking the story in Drum literally, although the reference to the story was a red herring. What they were really after was information about the SASO conference and whether it held any threat to the state. Falk stuck to the story that the conference was about peaceful communication between the non-white centres of learning, sporting and academic ties for the purpose of personal development. They went over the same ground for nearly three hours and then they dropped the bombshell; he was to be served with a banning order for three months. They went through the restrictions with him: he had to stay within the confines of the suburb of Athlone, not more than one person could visit him at his home at a time, he could not address an assembly nor publish anything. He was to be allowed to receive material from the university and could write the end-ofyear exams. It was all relatively mild, a reminder of his vulnerability and a warning to curb his writing. He felt alternatively angry and defiant, and then afraid and cautious. When he got out of the police station it was dark. Parked at the curb was Jessie in his Borgward. When he got into the car, she leaned over and kissed him, hard and desperate. “Oh my God, Falk, I thought I’d never see you again. I was so afraid. Are you alright, did they hurt you?” “No Jessie, they didn’t hurt me. How did you know I was here?” “I took a chance. If it’s the security police, they always bring people here. But those bastards in there, in the charge office, they wouldn’t tell me anything. I decided to stay until ten and then I’d have to leave.” “God yes, the kids.” “It’s okay, my mom’s with them.” He told her all about it as she drove back to Brandon Street, but his mind kept returning to the kiss. It was the first time they had ever kissed. He had looked at that generous mouth often, envisaging that first kiss. It had not been what he had imagined and now he was amazed that he was dwelling on it. Perhaps it was an escape from the frightening episode he had just had to endure; the mind choosing the beautiful and hopeful. “Falk, you’re rambling.” “Yes, I know, I was thinking about your kiss.” “What!” He had done what he had promised himself not to do, started the conversation about the two of them and he immediately drew back. “Just a joke Jessie, a little escape.” “Some joke,” she said, a smile on her face. Eric returned to Cape Town for the divorce hearing, but he never came near Brandon Street so Falk did not see him, nor could he accompany Jessie to support her because of his banning order. It was one of the few occasions where the banning order impeded him to the point of anger. At first there had been the car parked down the street, always with two men in it, watching. But the state could not keep up such a presence for a minor foe, and it disappeared after a week, never to be seen again in the three months. His routine was not onerous. Alan Steed came to see him every Saturday, bringing lessons and assignments; he spent all day with his son, either in his own or in Jessie’s house; he set aside time to study and complete work assignments; and he found time to write in the evening, after Haytham was put to bed. If there was one thing he did miss it was the rugby. The sport and the hard physical training it required had always been like an electric conducting rod for him, releasing pent-up negative energy into the firmament. The training ground in Klipfontein Road was outside the suburb of Athlone, so he found himself running the streets of his suburb, timing his runs to give himself a target for improvement. He had visitors. His coach came to see him several times, and at first Falk was surprised. Then he realised that Johnny just wanted to talk rugby and as a coach he felt he could not discuss it with his players without losing some of his authority. Richard Rives came to see him to discuss A Hard Day’s Night and read the original. “Why did you water it down, Falk?” “The magazine would never have published it in the original form.” “So why did you write it that way?” “I don’t know, Richard. I’m learning as I go along, but I don’t know why we have this taboo about describing sex. I mean, it’s part of the cycle of life: birth, sex and death. So why must we always be so careful in describing it, as if it’s some shameful thing?” “You didn’t treat it as shameful in some of your poems.” “That was different. I published them and I did not have to worry about outside editing, and besides, you can be obscure in poetry and still be very direct, if you know what I mean.” “Yes and no. You can apply those principles in prose and it’s regarded as artistic.” “I don’t want to be artistic, I want to be real.” “Good, we’re getting somewhere now. You’ve just described the kind or writer you want to be. You see, Falk, when you write to please an imaginary audience you lose the truth. You must write to please yourself.” “So I should have sent Drum the original version?” “Yes, let them censor it and then decide whether you’ll let them publish it.” The betrayal by Eric had released Jessie from his thrall and she no longer had that haunted look of the deeply disturbed. But the approaching divorce case tried her loving and kind nature sorely. The uncertainties were how she would react to Eric’s presence and whether she could persuade the judge that Eric, not she, was the initiator of the separation and would therefore grant her the settlement she requested. She worried too about her performance in the court; she had prepared her own case while Eric had a qualified lawyer to represent him. All of these uncertainties were discussed with Falk and he too worried about them on the day she went to court and he sat at home, forbidden to be the support she needed. He did not know when her case would be heard; there were always numerous cases on the register. He occupied himself by supervising the play of Haytham and Sarah, but his mind was in an imaginary court room, seeing Jessie brave and determined. He heard the Borgward coming up the road, recognised by the suspension shackles rattling; he really needed to have those attended to. Jessie did not bother to park the car in the yard. She stopped it in the street, got out leaving the door ajar and ran into his arms. This time there was no desperation in the kiss nor a concern for prying neighbours. When the kiss ended they were both a little breathless. “I’m free, Falk. I’m a single woman. Why don’t we have the children sleep together tonight?” He held her at arm’s length and took in her flushed and excited face and there was no longer a lingering doubt caused by the memory of a golden-haired girl from the valley. 7. There was a time of wonderment for Falk and Jessie. It did not last long, barely a half-year, but during that time they were blessed beyond their greatest expectations. They moved into one of the houses, Falk’s, and in that small space, with their children in the room next door, they made love that was so sensuous and spiritual that it obliterated earlier memory; they got married in a church in Elsies River and were embarrassed when uninvited but welcomed guests had to spill out to the street. Stephanie, who attended the wedding, fell in love with her new daughter-in-law and stayed as long as she could, spending all her time with the two children. When the trouble started it was entirely unfair. Falk had too much to lose and he had not engaged in any political activities and the two stories he wrote and published through the Cape Argus were free of any criticism of the government. He was not going to jeopardise his future. They wanted to get rid of Alan Steed, for they had finally figured it out that the Black consciousness movement was gathering momentum and becoming a threat, and Alan was a staunch advocate of the movement. Alan was also a Head of Department and that set a bad example in the eyes of the leadership of the university, still snow-white in its composition. However, if Alan had to go, so too did his friend and fellow delegate to the Pietersburg conference. They sought an excuse to expel Falk from the university. The banning order was not sufficient, for it had allowed him to write his second- year exams, the implication being that he should be able to continue his studies. They found it in a little white lie he had told in his application for the university; he had not declared the criminal record he held for the assault on Hans Van der Mescht. The Dutchman was to have the last word. The irony was that he had not lied deliberately, for he’d never believed himself to be guilty, and that, had he declared it, his application would still have been accepted for the scale of the offence did not disqualify him. There was more than one irony but that is too gentle a word to describe the State’s utter misreading of the threat of Falk Baartman. He was in a loving relationship, had two children whose well-being would have remained uppermost in his mind, had passed his secondyear exams with distinction, despite the circumstances of his banning order, and was almost reconciled to his second-rate status under apartheid. He might have become an activist in time, but they did not need to deal with him then, in April 1970. By doing so, they made of him an implacable enemy. Cognisant of the threat of student protest the State chose to deal with both Alan and Falk simultaneously. Once more, Falk found himself in the Rector’s office, but this time he did not know the reason. The Rector got straight to the point. “Meneer Baartman, it has come to my attention that you lied in your application to this university.” The tone was ominous but Falk had no idea what the Rector was talking about. “What do you mean, Doctor?” “You said you had no criminal record.” “I don’t have a criminal record.” “Then what is this record of a court case in Oudtshoorn in 1967, where you were found guilty of common assault?” “That small thing? Doctor that was a minor offence which, in any case, should have been thrown out of court. Do you have the transcript of the verdict given by the magistrate?” “No. What difference would that make?” “The magistrate censured the other man for provocation, but said he had no choice but to find me guilty for it was a proven fact; he gave me the least sentence possible because he felt it was unfair and that I was sorely provoked.” “How does that change things, Baartman? The fact is you lied in your application. We can’t have students in this university who enter under false pretences; this institution would become a farce if we permitted such immoral behaviour.” “I kicked a man in the backside who had been disparaging about my ancestry, Doctor. What’s immoral about that?” “I’m not going to argue with you. We have taken this matter to the Senate and the finding is that you are to be expelled from the university.” The words were almost meaningless, because Falk could not believe what he was hearing. They could not expel him for so trivial an infraction. “You can’t be serious, Doctor?” “What could be more serious than an act of fraud?” “Have you no consideration of the pettiness of this so-called fraud and of my record in this university; my results place me in the honours category.” “That was all taken into account.” Falk sat and stared at the man, the hatred building in him, pushing him beyond his normal measured responses. “There’s something more to this, isn’t there White man?” “Don’t you dare be rude to me in this office.” “Come on, tell me. What is it White man? Is it Alan Steed you are afraid of?” “You are dismissed, Baartman.” “Come on, tell me, Doctor. Are you the Rector here, or just a puppet?” The Rector would not answer, getting up from behind his desk and opening the door for Falk to exit. Falk went straight to Alan Steed and found him clearing his office. The older man saw the rage in Falk. “Have you just seen our esteemed Rector?” “Yes. They’re expelling me.” “And what is your trumped up charge?” “I didn’t declare something on my application form. It was such a small thing that it could never have justified their action. This doesn’t come from them, Alan. They’re doing what they’ve been ordered to do. Why are they getting rid of you?” “Salacious teaching, so they say, innuendo in the classroom. What does it matter what the charge is? They want us out, Falk, because of our huge crime of wanting to better the lives of non-white people. They’re afraid of us, afraid people like us will stir the masses.” He took his last ride as a student in the train from Elsies River. It was mid-morning, so it was a new experience for him to ride an empty train. He stared listlessly at the factories of Epping and the slums of Langa and the middle class White houses in Pinelands, without seeing any of it. They had taken the soul of one of God’s children, Falk Baartman, and abused it, piling indignity upon indignity on that delicate essence, the being who only wanted to be at peace with the world and his surroundings, to be allowed his God-given right to make his way according to his ability. They had pushed him into the stinking mud, face down and trampled upon him in the name of White supremacy. Fuck them. But he must compose himself, he realised. This was not the person he wanted his wife and children to see. He tried to make light of it with Jessie. “Well, my darling wife, I’ve been given a bonus holiday, an early holiday for the Baartman’s.” She knew his moods intimately and was not remotely fooled. “What is it, Falk?” He told her what had transpired that morning, the full story but without the bitter thoughts. It was she who made light of it, giving a hope for the future. “That’s okay then, Falk, we’ll finish our degrees through UNISA. It will be fun working together, don’t you think?” They decided the first thing they needed to do was take a break, get out of Cape Town and go someplace to refresh themselves. The obvious place was Rooikrantz, the refuge through the ages of the Baartman clan. It was not refreshing at all, because what they found at the farm under the red cliffs was history in decline. At first it was fun. Jessie and the children had never been to Prince Albert and Falk drove through the town, pointing out all the places of his past, and then they stopped at the shop and were greeted enthusiastically by his mother and the two employees of the old days, Joel and pretty Bianca, still working loyally at Warm. There was an interesting aside as Bianca and Jessie sized each other up. When they were out of hearing Jessie said to him, “Did that girl always work for you?” “Yes, I hired her and Joel when I opened the business.” “And you never took up her offer?” Falk pretended not to know what she meant. “What do you mean?” “Oh, my husband, that girl has the hots for you. I’m sure she’s always had them.” Of course, they could not sleep over in Prince Albert for there was no establishment that catered for Coloureds, so they headed for Rooikrantz. Stephanie packed a bag and went with them, sitting happily in the back with the children. When they topped the rise, and saw the valley spread out beneath them, the scalloped ridges climbing towards the high mountains to their left, the small mountains marching into the distance to their right, Stephanie leaned forward so that she could be heard by Falk and Jessie. “I want to prepare you for this visit, Falk. Tess has been ill. She turns eighty soon, you know, but she’s never looked or acted her age. But this last year has been difficult for her. She’s not felt well, and has been unable to tend to the business of the farm. You’ll see it, I’m afraid, Falk, see the decay.” He was alarmed. A world without a fit and active Tess was not something he had ever had to contemplate. “How bad is it, Ma?” “We don’t know. She won’t go to a doctor. I fear it is cancer, for she has pain in her stomach and kidneys. I didn’t want to give you this news when I came down for your wedding. I didn’t want to spoil your happiness.” Even though he had been prepared, Falk was shocked at his first sight of Tess. She was in a reclining chair on the veranda and was unable to stand to greet them. Her skin was grey, her look unfocused, her voice reedy and her form skeletal. He knelt next to her. “I’ve brought you my family Tess. This is my wife Jessie, and our children, Sarah and Haytham. You haven’t seen Haytham since he was a month old. Well, he’s over two now and Sarah is even older than him.” “I’m two years and eight months,” said Sarah. Tess smiled at the children then her eyes sought out Jessie. “Come closer, my dear.” Jessie knelt next to Falk. “So it is you who will look after the future of the Baartmans, Jessie. I’m so happy to have met you finally. Stephanie came back from your wedding and couldn’t stop talking about you.” Jessie looked back at Stephanie and thanked her with a smile and the older woman acknowledged the gesture. “How long will you stay, Falk?” He thought of all she had meant to him, all she had done for him. Since she had come into the valley that day with her dusty Zephyr she had been his talisman. It was inconceivable that he could leave her now when she needed him. “We will stay here until we are no longer needed, Tess.” He could see from her eyes that she knew what he meant. While Stephanie and Jessie prepared the rooms for their stay,, Falk went wandering around the fig orchard and the production and storage sheds of the farm. The lack of supervision was evident in all he saw: rotting fruit on the ground and in the processing sheds; machinery that had not been cleaned for weeks. The smell of decay hung over the farm like a blanket, wet with the sweat of a horse. When he went back into the house Stephanie approached him. “Why don’t you and Jessie stay in the cottage, Falk? I can look after the children here in the big house at night.” He took Jessie to look at the cottage. It needed to be cleaned, but she was thrilled at the opportunity to stay there with him. It would be like a holiday, and she had heard his answer to his aunt, knew he would not leave until the end. The next morning Tess asked to see him alone. The previous day the two farm women who looked after her had fed her and taken her for her ablutions and bed before it even became dark. She had only managed to eat some thin soup, and the same diet in the morning. He sat next to her on that big wide veranda with the early sun on their faces. “Ah Falk. What would my life have been if you hadn’t been around?” “I ask myself the same question, Tess.” “Tell me about your life in Cape Town.” He told her the bits she wanted to hear: the brilliance of Alan Steed, the bluntness of Richard Rives, family life with Jessie and the two children, his friendly neighbours the Hendricks family, playing rugby at the Track with the watching crowds on the slopes of Signal Hill, the passion of Johnny Arendse. She sat back in her recliner, eyes closed, and a half-smile on her face as she listened. When he stopped talking she opened her eyes and looked at him with amusement, an old look he remembered well. “So, just the good stories for the old woman?” “The good stories for me too, Tess.” “Yes, I can imagine some of the things you went through. It’s enough isn’t it, just to imagine them?” “Yes, Tess.” “But what’s it like, Falk, living the life of a Coloured person?” He was indignant at the question and answered with heat. “What’s a Coloured person? Me? My beautiful and loving wife? There’s no such thing, Tess. There are only people. Some have more than others, some want to enslave others out of fear and greed.” “Sorry, Falk, I stand corrected.” He was immediately contrite. “I didn’t mean to put you down. It’s just not a subject I want to talk about. It’s also impossible to describe to people of another so-called race group for we all come to such a conversation with our own preconceptions. I will say one thing; I’m glad in a way that I discovered the humanity of people I regarded as different, when I was one of the privileged.” He thought about what he had said and what she might have made of it. “We’re all just people Tess.” “Okay, sorry about that Falk, an old White woman who doesn’t understand. Let’s talk about the farm, and about the future.” A look of pain passed over her face and she inhaled sharply. “What is it, Tess?” “It’s just the pain of this disease. Nothing to be done.” He would not accept that. “Why haven’t you seen a doctor, Tess?” “Because I know its cancer, Falk, and I don’t want someone trying to get me to prolong it. It can’t be beaten, and I will die soon. I want to die here, not in some hospital with people who don’t care a hoot about me except in so far as I give them employment. “Anyway, let’s not talk about it. Let’s talk about the situation here at the farm and what’s to be done about it. Have you been over the farm?” “Yes.” “Then you’ve drawn your own conclusions. I’ve learnt something in my old age, Falk. I always thought I was so clever, running things around here personally, making all the decisions for the labourers, even the small ones. I never taught them to do things for themselves and when I stopped being there they stopped working. “So, what to do? Firstly, let’s talk about the town farms, Falk. Like I told you I would, I’ve sold them and left the proceeds in trust for your children. You need to go and see your old friend Gerard, and take him a letter I wrote this morning which includes little Sarah as one of the beneficiaries.” He nodded his thanks. “Now, this farm, Rooikrantz. What to do? I was going to write to you about this Falk, now I can discuss it personally. I want to sell it, but I want to sell it with your permission.” “Why my permission?” “Because you might want it. But I don’t know if it would be good for you to inherit it. Your future lies in the city. Even if I think beyond this terrible time with the present government, when maybe we will be free of discrimination, I still think you should see your future in the city where you can grow your talent; become a great writer.” “I wrote pretty well out here, Tess.” “Yes, but consider the subject matter. You need to be in the midst of life, boy, not stuck out here with the mountains and the baboons.” He laughed at that image and remembered that Rives had given him the same advice. She looked sheepish. “Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, you need to decide your future, Falk. I’ve got buyers coming out here next week.” “Delay them, Tess. We need to get this farm shipshape if it’s to be sold. Give me a month.” “And you’ll think about your decision?” “Of course.” Tess died in July, when the first of the big cold fronts started to bring mixed blessings; life-giving water and freezing temperatures. She died with the farm having been sold and in the presence of people who loved her. She also died in the knowledge that another Baartman child was on the way. By then Jessie was sure and she was able to tell them. What she did not tell them was the nature of the conception, or at least the event that she hoped had been the conception, for there had been many other opportunities in the cottage that had been built by Dan Baartman. The day Falk told her the story of Dan and Caroline, and of his ancestor Ahad, was one of those rare hot days of late autumn. He told her after they had swum naked in the pool in the kloof and lay on a warm rock drying themselves in the sun. She’d pretended not to believe him. “You’re making this up aren’t you?” “No, why should I?” “To get into my pants.” “Look at you Jessie. Where are the pants?” The rock was too hard to lie on and she sat on his lap and their lower bodies moved in increasing urgency while they faced one another, saying the words which expressed their ardent feelings, repeatedly, like a mantra. Rooikrantz was no longer the seat of the Baartman’s, but it had given up from its earth another genesis. 8. Trafalgar High School nestles below the imposing one thousandmetre-high buttress known as Devil’s Peak. Today, as you travel on De Waal Drive, you see it just below you, next to acres of weeds and concrete platforms that once contained the vibrant community of District Six. Trafalgar consists of blocks of two-storey rectangular buildings topped by russet coloured tiles. The main building has a certain style to it, with gables on the first storey windows and main doors, and angled roof supports framing the tall second storey windows. The school was opened in 1912, after years of protest to the Cape School Board to provide a school of secondary learning for Coloured pupils. It was the first Coloured high school in Cape Town, opening sixty-three years after the first White school, Bishops. Opened in protest, it remained a struggle school, because the teachers and pupils of Trafalgar never accepted the social and education precepts of the Nationalist government and the preceding White governments. The school produced many prominent Coloured men and women, among them the first Justice Minister of the ANC government, Dullah Omar, Hassan Howa, president of the South African Council of Sport and Jonathan Jansen, Vice-Chancellor and Rector of the University of the Free State. Falk’s coach, Johnny Arendse, had also been to Trafalgar, as had Richard Rives. Johnny used to travel by train daily from the Strand and had had to run from the station up the streets through District Six to be in time for classes. Falk came, in a rather circuitous way, to teach English at Trafs in the third term of 1970. The young Baartman family stayed for the funeral and the reading of the will, and then travelled sadly back to Brandon Street, where they found their home had been well cared for by their neighbours. It was decision time. Falk’s aunt had placed the balance of the family fortune in trust to be administered by Stephanie, who could benefit from the proceeds of the investment but not touch the capital. Tess had made the same stipulation for inheritance as she had for the children of Falk; it could only be paid out once apartheid was defeated. Tess left a letter for Falk; a message from the grave; My dear Falk, No doubt you will be disappointed in my stipulations for your inheritance, although I know you never wanted to benefit from my death, nor have you ever been one to believe you are entitled to something you have not earned. I do this to deny you funds for a campaign against the Nationalists, because that is what you would have found to be the best use of the money. It’s terrible that I’m doing this and not giving you the choice but I fear for your life and I will not do anything which further endangers you. Please accept, dear Falk, that I have your best interests at heart. I love you as I would have loved a natural son had I been blessed with one. You are the one I planned and plotted for and loved very dearly. Your development was my labour of love and I was never disappointed. Try to stay out of trouble, Falk. You now have a most delightful and clever wife, two wonderful children and another on the way. Do a little living with them before you dive into your next exercise of passion. Tess. He showed the letter to Jessie the first evening they were back in their own home. “What a remarkable woman she was. You were blessed to have her in your life, Falk. Will you take her advice?” “I don’t know. It’s tempting to lay low, but how can I? I can’t be silenced, but I’ll be more selective, Jessie, pick my fights, maybe get into print overseas. But much more pressing is earning a living. The money I got for the sale of my store is more than half gone.” “There’s the maintenance money.” “I hate the thought of having him come into our lives every month.” “We have to be sensible, Falk. That’s not our money, it’s for Sarah and he has a responsibility for her.” “I know that, but it still irks.” “Let’s change the subject. It depresses me to think about it. So, my husband, what are you going to do?” “Well, there are two options that I know of. The Argus were once interested in employing me. I don’t know if that’s changed, but working as a journalist will certainly be high risk. The other thing I could do is teach; they’ll take me with two years towards my degree. What do you think of that?” “I think you’d enjoy teaching. You told me how you and your friend taught in the school in the valley and how much you liked it. But the choice is yours, Falk. I’ll support you in whatever decision you make. I’m going to register next year to complete my BA in Law; it’s a good year for me, because I’ll have to be home with our new baby. If all goes well, I could be employed in eighteen months.” He went to Richard Rives first. “I think you’ll make a good teacher, Falk, but Hewat College would not take you.” “Why not?” “It’s a government institution. They don’t dare rock the boat.” “But most of the schools are government owned. Will they all refuse to employ me because they have to toe the line?” “Most will, yes, but there are a few who have the guts to be independent. Have you heard of Trafalgar?” “It’s a high school in District Six, isn’t it?” “Yes. I went there. And so did your old coach, Arendse, as a matter of interest. It’s a great school, certainly the best Coloured high school, and they are fiercely independent; they get into trouble with the state all the time.” “Would they hire me?” “I think they’d love to have someone of your calibre. I’ll set up an appointment for you with the Principal. His name is Goosain Emeran.” Emeran’s office was tucked away on a separate wing on the north side of the main building. Falk had to climb a short flight of stairs from the playground, and then another flight where he first presented himself in the general office. He stood at the counter that separated him from the office staff while one of them went to see if the Principal was ready for him. The Principal’s office was modest, as was the furnishing, displaying no ambition to be anything but utilitarian as evidenced by the exposed electric conduits running up the walls. The Principal, though, was somewhat different, a neat man immaculately dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and striped red and black tie. A fez sat on his head to show his cultural and religious orientation. He was also scrupulously formal, but the eyes were warm and welcoming. “Please sit down, Meneer Baartman. Richard has told me much of you.” “Thank you, sir, and thank you for agreeing to see me.” “Oh, that was always going to happen after I heard all of the shenanigans you’ve been up to.” Falk did not know what had been said about him and chose to remain silent. “You don’t want to know what I’ve heard?” “I assume it’s about the banning order against me and being expelled from UWC.” “Yes, among other things. So why should we hire someone with such a record, Meneer Baartman?” The interview was not going according to the preconception Falk had had, but he had prepared arguments of defence if the two events were brought up. “I was banned, Meneer Emeran, because I wrote a fictional short story of love across the colour lines. Only in the twisted minds of our government could such a story warrant a penalty like that. What the security police really wanted to know was what I had got up to at the SASO conference at Pietersburg that year and then, once they got nothing from me, they chose to ban me as a lesson. “As for being expelled, they found an excuse to get rid of me, an administrative error on my application form. They really wanted Alan Steed out, and I happened to be caught in the crossfire.” “You don’t need to tell me about being expelled. Alan Steed has told me about that.” “You spoke to Alan as well?” “Of course. If you are to be a teacher at this school I need to know everything about you. So now we have disposed of the negatives, tell me the positives, Meneer Baartman. What will make you a good teacher?” Falk spoke of Trevor Weiss and the experience at the school in the valley, and of his love of literature and his good marks and of his intention to complete his degree, and his love of rugby and willingness to coach. Emeran was a good listener and waited for the young man to finish before questioning him further. “And will you bring politics into your classroom?” Falk searched for the trick in that question, and then decided to answer as honestly as he could. “I’m opposed to this government and their race policies and I’m myself a victim of their laws. In my private life, I will continue to write and publish stories that show my abhorrence of such laws. In the classroom, Meneer Emeran, I will not hide my views but will attempt to give the children moral guidance on these issues through the work of others, particularly the work of great authors. I will show them the benefit of reading to open their minds. In particular, I will try to give them hope that these conditions will change, that they must never accept the judgment of others that they are inferior in any way.” Emeran was nodding as Falk made each point and he knew his answer was acceptable. The Principal had another question. “Do you know that the security police have pupils who spy for them, tell them what our teachers are saying?” “No, but it doesn’t surprise me.” “So, will that modify your approach?” “No, sir.” “Okay, Meneer Baartman, I’ve heard enough. I will consult with my Vice-Principal and other senior teachers and get back to you. Do you know that your neighbour is a cousin of mine?” “No, I didn’t.” “Well you might end up with Emerans as both a neighbour and a superior. We’ll see.” Jessie gave birth to a girl in February 1971. The little girl was born in their Brandon Street home with a midwife and Jessie’s mother in attendance and Falk a nervous father having the odd sip of brandy with Callie Hendricks; Meisie recognised the men were not fit to look after the children and happily played that role. Jessie was a healthy and strong woman, and the birth passed with no hitches. When everything was shipshape, the mother recovered and the baby bathed, they left the bedroom and allowed the father to enter. Falk was understandably sentimental, and his wife bemused by his antics, for she would have forgiven him anything at that moment, after she had seen the product of their love. For both of them, this new child was surrounded by an aura of the love they felt for each other, and maybe a conception that was both romantic and a link with the past. They had not discussed names, a superstitious reaction to not knowing the sex of the child. “Have you thought of a name for our girl, Jessie?” “Yes. There can be only one name. We must call her Tess. We owe it to your aunt, and we owe it to our history.” That sealed his euphoria for the day, as she had known it would. The birth of their third child was another island of happiness in the sea of turmoil that was the lot of people of colour in the South Africa of the 1970’s. Falk was enjoying his fledging teaching career. When he’d started the previous year they’d given him the standard 6s and 7s. The classes were not large, for English was not the mother tongue, and he had several free periods each day so was able to be well prepared. He had an easy manner with the pupils and soon many more wanted to be taught by him so that when the following school year started he had both more classes to teach and the numbers in each class had grown. The only negative to teaching at Trafalgar in 1971 was the destruction taking place alongside the school. It was the end game for District Six, and the peace of the classroom was punctuated by the noise of bulldozers and front end loaders and the crash of masonry. Trafalgar was no longer the school of predominantly District Six and BoKaap children. The people had been relocated to the Cape Flats and children had to commute vast distances to attend school. These changes to the landscape affected both pupils and teachers and were the constant topic of conversation, making all in the school highly politicised. Falk was amazed and heartened at the courage of their headmaster and the majority of the teachers, some of whom had even undergone banning orders at some time in their teaching careers. Falk found that they were happily welcomed back at the end of the period of the ban, their jobs held for them and the other teachers prepared to work additional hours to cover for those absent without choice. As well as his teaching duties, Falk was studying to complete his degree and also working on his first novel, writing in the night when the house was quiet, doors to the bedrooms closed against the clacking of the typewriter. The house was getting too small for them. The baby slept with her parents, but would soon be moved to the room with the other two children; the dining room and lounge were filled with the clutter of books and study material. The two adults tried to balance their multiple duties and commitments. Jessie was the more successful, and passed all of the subjects to complete her BA Juris at the end of 1971, obtaining upper seconds for three of her subjects and a first for the remaining subject. It was an impressive performance, which Falk did not match as he had dropped one of his majors when he found he could not balance all of his commitments. Nevertheless, he passed that subject, History, with distinction and would carry on to pass the other major in 1972, also obtaining his bachelor’s degree. Jessie began her articles with a Coloured law firm in 1972 and, with the additional money coming in, they took a chance and moved to a four-bedroomed house in Carrington Avenue, just off Jan Smuts Drive. It was just more than a hundred metres from their old house, which allowed them to stay in touch with their previous neighbours. The bigger house also allowed them to move Jessie’s widowed mother Laurel in with them, so that she could look after the children during the day. Even with the two salaries and Laurel’s contribution, they could barely cover the rent and their living expenses, and they continued to dig into Falk’s savings from the sale of his store. They estimated that, with Falk getting his degree at the end of that year and moving to a higher pay scale and Jessie becoming qualified, by 1974 they would be able to make do. But they were becoming dangerously dependent on future developments and they should have known better. Falk finished his novel in 1974 and he had Ernie Steenveld and Richard Rives read the manuscript. Ernie was a fellow English teacher and Vice Principal at the school, a man of rare language ability and an extraordinarily retentive memory. The three met to discuss it. Rives led the discussion. “It’s a marvellous book, Falk, but it’s going to get you into trouble.” “Why?” “Come on, boy, you surely know; sexual relations across the colour bar.” “It’s a South African story, Richard. It’s an historical novel, and you can’t deny that history. These are facts of life here.” “Yes, hidden facts of life, not to be exposed to delicate white sensitivities.” “What do you think, Ernie?” “I’m afraid Richard’s right, Falk. You’d have re-write it not to have it banned; make both main characters Coloured, and tone down the sex.” “But the book will completely lose whatever edge it has.” Rives spoke again. “Falk, we’re just giving you sage advice. You have a family now. I don’t know your financial circumstances but I can imagine you’re not rolling in money. The book’s really good and toning it down will damage it. My advice is to get it published overseas, or put it aside.” “Can I get an overseas publisher? Surely the subject matter won’t be of interest to overseas readers.” “You’d be surprised. The anti-apartheid movement is gathering momentum in England, especially in the universities, and you’ll find both a publisher and an audience. I’ll give you some names.” 9. As the Boeing 727 banked over Tafelsig and lined up for Cape Town airport, Falk caught sight of the mountain. It had been a month since he last saw it and despite all that had happened to him in that time he still thrilled to the view. He reflected on all he had done in that month, all the new impressions: his first ever aircraft flight from Cape Town to Johannesburg; the cavernous interior of the Boeing 747 of the newlynamed British Airways, which he took from Jan Smuts to London; his first view of Kilimanjaro with its snow-capped peaks shining in the early morning light as they descended towards Nairobi; the many wonderful and encouraging people he’d met at his publishing house and the launch venues in bookstores in London, Manchester and Liverpool; traveling on the tube, with its dark tunnels out of which came the thundering machine with a rush of displaced air; the talk he gave to nearly two hundred students at the London School of Economics; the green woods of an English summer, so different to the Cape winter he had left. So many new experiences that he had hardly slept in the first week in case he missed something, walking the streets of London in the early hours of the morning. He was grateful his publisher had given him the opportunity to involve himself in the launch; in fact they had insisted upon his presence and had paid all expenses. As interesting and new as his adventures had been, he had eventually pined for his home country and his family and the last week had dragged. He was sure they would all be there to meet him in the arrivals hall, his ever-young and beautiful wife and the children, Sarah now seven, Haytham six and baby Tess three, all transported there by his ancient but reliable Borgward. He fretted at the time taken for the luggage to spill down to the carousel and then he was through the empty customs counters and out through the doors, seeing the many faces. And then he saw them, standing to the side: Sarah with a shy smile, Haytham giving a big wave. Then a familiar and unwelcome figure stepped into his path and blocked his way to his family. They arrested him at the last moment possible, knowing the cruelty of being so close to his family and the ignominy of his children and wife witnessing his helplessness and despair. They were well schooled in such methods of humiliation. Jessie was not to be denied access to her husband. She pushed the men aside and they did not resist, for they had not anticipated her boldness and she stood before Falk and placed her arms around his neck and kissed him softly, slowing the moment. The policemen recovered and pushed her back and she shouted to her husband, “I love you, Falk. We all love you. Don’t worry, we’ll get you out. We will darling, we’ll get you out.” That was the last he was to see of her for four days, her and his children whom he watched over his shoulder, standing forlornly alone, looking confused, watching the big men muscle their father out of their sight, out into the sunlight and into their government car. At first Falk was in shock, the rude interruption of his much anticipated reunion with his family confusing his thought processes. He felt helpless and disorientated. One minute he was seeing his family, and the next he was being forcefully removed from them and thrust into this car for a destination unknown, sitting awkwardly with his hands handcuffed behind his back, out of the reach of anyone who cared for his wellbeing. Then the anger took over and he kicked against the car seat before him. Colonel Van der Spuy, he remembered the name, and the driver, Hans, the same two as before. He kicked again. “Stop it, jong.” “Fuck you, Colonel. How can you do that in front of my children? Don’t you have children? Imagine what that meant to them, their father belittled. Why do you people think you can act like God? What gave you that right?” “Listen, you fucking communist hot’not, we ask the questions, you answer. You’re already in shit, behave yourself.” He kicked against the seat again, higher up, jerking the policeman’s head forward. “I can’t take more of this shit. Let’s go to Athlone Hans, pull in at the back and we’ll teach this fucker some manners. We can go to Central later.” Falk knew the Athlone Police Station well from sight, for it was on the corner of Klipfontein and Jan Smuts, less than half a kilometre from his house. He had never been in there, and did not know that the backyard was secluded. Hans drove fast, off the N2 and onto Jan Smuts. Falk kicked twice more, his only method of rattling them, his meagre payback for the monumental abuse of his freedom and their indifference to the innocence of his children, a callous detachment which bordered on the inhuman. He would never forgive them the look on his children’s faces. They parked the car against a wall and pulled him out on that partially secluded side. He saw there were other policemen in the yard; some stopped to watch, but most ignored what was happening. Then the first blows landed and his world was reduced to the three of them in a crazy dance as they thudded their fists into him and he tried to avoid them and at the same time use his feet to hurt back. He landed some telling kicks, but the odds were stacked against him with his hands cuffed behind his back and eventually the combined blows drove him to the ground and they started to use their feet, kicking his torso. He rolled into a ball to protect his groin. Finally it stopped and they opened the car door and threw him onto the back seat. Falk lay with his face against the vinyl, panting with the efforts he had made, feeling the pain spreading through his body. He was beyond rational thought, he just wanted to hurt these people who had taken the innocence of his children and forever embedded in their mind the harsh realities of this abnormal world. Eventually he managed to roll to a seating position. They were on De Waal Drive, descending into the city. Through the pain he drew his feet up and kicked against Van der Spuy’s seat. “Oh, you fucker, you’re going to die,” said the policeman. The Central Police Station on the corner of Buitenkant and Albertus Streets had a section for the interrogation and isolation of political detainees. Despite Van der Spuy’s chilling threat, they did nothing further to him that afternoon. He was placed in an isolation cell, a high room, maybe three metres square, he estimated. In the cell was a concrete bunk and a toilet bowl with no seat. When the iron door closed he was pitched into stygian darkness, for there were no windows on the walls nor the door. Eventually his eyes adjusted as there was some light seeping weakly under the door. He tried to take stock of his position, tried to work out what they would do and what his response should be, what was best. But his brain was mush, the physical pain protruding and distracting him. Nevertheless, he worked at it doggedly. What had provoked their extreme action? He discounted the beating he had taken; that he had brought upon himself by challenging them. There was the book and its contents. They would ban it, no doubt, but he had always known that, even before Rives and Steenveld told him. But he didn’t think it was the book alone; many Black and Coloured writers had had their works banned but they were not necessarily arrested and imprisoned. It had to be their fear that he had met with the anti-apartheid forces in England. It had to be political, it always came down to that. He had been naïve to have been seduced by the possibility of addressing the students at the London School of Economics. That had to be their main concern, for the Westminster university was widely regarded as a hotbed of communist thought and mobilisation, a consequence of the university’s social and political science teaching and research programmes. Van der Spuy had called him a communist, which had not happened the first time he was interrogated. So, if they wanted information about his meeting with the ANC or other banned political organisations, should he tell them the truth, that he had not met with any such organisation, that he was a writer of fiction and of little interest to them? They wouldn’t believe him. So should he make up a story, feed them what they wanted to hear? But what was the benefit of doing that? It would not garner him any favours, these people were ruthless. Forget about that, he was doing himself no favours dwelling on it. He needed to fill his head with happy memories, not give in to the despair that lurked in every corner of that dark cell. He remembered the kiss, Jessie’s soft lips on his. What a girl she was, what bravery to push the feared men aside. Her promise was remembered too: she would get him out. Even now she would be mobilising: the press, her law firm, his school, all recruited to the cause of getting him out of there. And so his mind drifted, backwards and forwards through his life, trying his best to get comfortable physically, not thinking of the pain nor the terror of the immediate future, nor the threat of death. In his exhaustion he dozed and was harshly awakened when they switched on the light in his cell. There were three men interrogating him: Van der Spuy and the one called Hans, and a new member of their unholy sect, a smaller man, dark visaged, maybe in his mid-forties. He got the name early on; Karel. They wanted to know his every movement in England, and he gave them chapter and verse, each contact point, who was there, what was discussed. He was ahead of them for those first hours, knowing what they wanted and able to tell them the truth, for it was not harmful to either him or the people whose names he was disclosing. Falk strung out the telling, hoping to bore them, knowing once he stopped they would get to the parts they did not believe and then it would get nasty. They listened and were probably surprised that the man who had been a raging bull earlier in the day was now so composed. The small dark man, Karel, made notes to supplement their recording devices. Eventually Van der Spuy stopped the monologue. “Okay, hot’not, that’s enough. You’ve been speaking kak and we’ll sort it all out tomorrow. I’m going home now, to my nice warm home where my children will give me my first beer and my wife will be cooking me a nice juicy steak. “Tomorrow we’ll attend to you hot’not.” They gave Falk neither food, nor water nor a blanket, and it was one of the longest and coldest and most miserable nights of his short life. In the morning it turned nasty. Jessie went first to her law firm and appealed to the senior partner. Her face was flushed with the passion of her mission, her children dragged along with her, their tearful confusion a silent admonition to any who would deny her what she asked. The senior partner knew he could do little legally for Falk because the Suppression of Terrorism Act gave the security police the power to detain suspects indefinitely without charging them. Nevertheless, he would rattle some cages, speak to some White friends who had influence, let the security police know the legal community and the judiciary was watching what they were doing to Falk Baartman. He sent Jessie off to her next destination, Trafalgar High School. By then it was near the end of the school day. Jessie went to the office and asked to speak to Ernie Steenveld, for she had never met the Principal and wanted Ernie to introduce them. It was mid-class but she impressed upon the secretary to have Ernie called out of his class and the secretary obliged, for she was incensed that one of their favourite teachers had been detained by the infamous Colonel Van der Spuy. Ernie also knew how dangerous it was that Falk was undergoing interrogation by Van der Spuy and he had the Principal dragged out of a class. The three sat in Mr Emeran’s office while the secretary looked after the children. The result of their deliberations was an emergency meeting of all teachers and a plan of action. They would find out from Coloured policemen where Falk was being held and the teachers would go the station and hand in a petition asking for Falk’s release. They would go that afternoon. If Falk was not released the next morning, the whole school would march to Cape Town Central Police Station, even if Falk was not being held in there, for that was the main police station and would attract the most public and press attention. They would do that every day until he was released. It meant sacrificing the first three classes of the day, but all felt it was worth it. Falk was not only a famous member of their school, who had just had a book published in England, but he was also extremely well liked, maybe even well loved, by some of the women teachers. The final action was the press and Mr Emeran was the one to contact them. It was too late for the Argus, for it is an afternoon paper, so he contacted the news editor of the Times, the morning newspaper, and told him of the arrest of Falk, the recent publication of his book in England, and the delegation of teachers that would be handing in a petition at the police station where they were holding Falk. The editor promised to have a reporter and photographer present and he would also use his contacts to find out which police station was holding Falk. Emeran then phoned the news editor of the Argus and told him of the intended march of the whole school to Cape Town Central Police Station the next morning; that would provide a much more spectacular story for the afternoon papers, with pictures of school children and their teachers marching through District Six and into the centre of town, disrupting the early morning traffic. In retrospect, one would say that the media coverage and the public outcry following the morning march of the school increased the cruelty meted out to Falk, for Van der Spuy and his impious cohorts knew they were under time pressure. They did all they knew to get him to admit his culpability in supposed treasonous activity while in England. They beat him with hosepipes, placed a bag over his head while they administered electric shocks, kept him hungry and cold. Falk knew nothing of the intense activity in the world outside. His world was a bare cell and an interrogation room with three hateful men whose deeds he would remember forever. He had nothing to give them except his magnificent defiance. Eventually the orders came from Pretoria to release Falk, release him but also gag him with a one year banning order, restricting him to his neighbourhood, denying him the right to speak to the press, address an audience or to publish anything. They took him to his home in the night and dropped him in the street and drove off quickly. Falk was barely able to walk to his front door. Jessie opened the door. “Oh, my dear God, what have they done to you?” The young family had to remodel their lives because of their changed financial circumstances. It meant a move to Hazendal, a poorer suburb, sandwiched between Athlone and the N2 and adjacent to the sewerage works. Laurel regretfully went back to the retirement home in Elsies River. She had come to love Falk and the children, but there was no room for her now and she would not be needed, not with the father forced to remain at home. Jessie was the breadwinner, and she was also required to do all the other things which Falk could no longer do because of his banning order. Within months they regretted their hasty move, for Jessie was beginning to excel at her job. She had a talent as a trial lawyer, her quick wit and intelligence winning her cases, at first minor, but her skill was noted and her salary increased to prevent her being headhunted by another firm. Once those early money fears were allayed and Falk got over his shame that his wife was keeping the roof over the family’s head, he began to discover the joy of being with the children, all day with Tess and most of the day with the older two. Sarah and Haytham would say in later life that the first year their father was banned was possibly the happiest of their childhood; the card games, the reading, and the horseplay among their treasured memories. And once his body had healed, the intimacy with his wife also became a thing of joy and anticipation. He did every household chore: cleaning, washing, ironing and cooking. Jessie was not allowed to do a single household thing once she entered the house in the evening. Falk returned to Trafalgar High School in August 1975 but by mutual consent they stayed on in the Hazendal home; it might be small and cheek by jowl with the neighbours, but it had been a happy home, a place where they’d recovered, and they did not want to tempt fate. They had also learnt not to place too much value on material things over which they had no control; their wealth was in the love and unity of their family. 10. There were many events that led to the demise of Apartheid but some were clear bookmarks. One of them was in a township in the Vaal Basin called Sharpeville, where, on March 21, 1960, police opened fire on a crowd protesting the pass laws, killing sixty-nine of them according to official records. In an ironic twist of fate, it was extremism by rival Black organisations that contributed to the tragedy: the PAC wanted to jump the gun on a national protest which the ANC was organising for the end of that month. Sharpeville led to the banning of both the PAC and the ANC, and was a catalyst for the formation of the armed resistance movements in both organisations. It was to be sixteen years before South Africa caught fire in quite that way again, and it happened on June 16, 1976 in Soweto, the South Western Townships, the sprawling Black city south of Johannesburg. Black school pupils, rightly incensed, were protesting at the mandated use of Afrikaans as the medium of teaching of certain subjects, including mathematics. Their march began peacefully enough, and at the first blockage of their path by police barricades they turned away and sought another route. A White police colonel fired the first shot, drawing his pistol and firing into the air. Chaos ensued and eventually the police were firing directly at the children. The official government death figure was twenty-three, but it was far, far greater; most commentators agree to a figure of over 170 on that day and the next two. There is an adage that a picture is worth a thousand words. In Vietnam that picture was of a young Vietnamese girl fleeing down a rural road, screaming in terror, her clothes burnt from her by a napalm bomb. In Soweto, it was a picture of mortally wounded thirteem-year-old, Hector Pieterson, being carried at a run in the arms of a comrade. Hector’s sister, Antoinette Sithole, is pictured running besides them. The defiance of the schoolchildren in Soweto became a contagion, spreading to the whole country. Surprisingly, it took two months before the Coloured children of the Cape reacted. This was possibly because their tuition had always been in Afrikaans, and the imposition of the language was not so keenly felt by them. Nevertheless, they had other issues in common regarding their loathing of apartheid and they joined the countrywide protests in August. Thirty-three died in the riots and protests in the Western Cape in August and September 1976, every one a tragedy, including the death of Jessie Baartman. There was nothing extraordinary about the day it happened, the weather overcast but warm, and with little wind. Smoke drifted lazily into the air from a few places east of Hazendal, evidence of the clashes the previous day, barricades with burning tyres being set up by the protesters, many of them along Klipfontein Road, the major east/west route after the N2. Jessie was taking Sarah and Haytham to their school, Walmer Estate Primary in Cambridge Street. Normally Falk took them to school, as it was close to Trafalgar, and Jessie caught the train to her offices in Woodstock, but the Secondary school was closed, the children boycotting classes. Falk was walking Tess around the corner to the nursery school and then taking the opportunity to work at home. The journey in the morning was without incident. The school ran an afternoon nursery, but that was closed during the troubles and Jessie needed to be back to collect the children at 2pm. She turned into Victoria Road and had not gone far when she became enmeshed in a traffic jam. She could not see the stoppage, and got out of her car to get an elevated view and could see them: hundreds of school children coming from the numerous Salt River schools, making their way towards the city centre. Jessie felt some anxiety about her position but, although boisterous, the column of children seemed disciplined enough. There were some adults among the marchers, either teachers or parents. Placards were being carried by the persons in the front, and she recognised the messages for they were the much published slogans carried by the Soweto children three months earlier. Among them was the slogan that most incensed the police: “Release Mandela, Jail Vorster.” Soon the front runners of the march caught up and surrounded the beached cars. The mood was more jovial than threatening, and many a young man tried to engage her in conversation. Suddenly there was the sound of sirens and the march faltered and stopped. Jessie was looking towards the sound and was one of the first to see the trucks come into the intersection behind her car, blocking Victoria Road and access to the city. They were barely fifty metres away. Policemen stood up in the load beds once the vehicles stopped and she could see they were armed. The pupils milled around without leadership. A policeman with a bullhorn called out to the crowd in Afrikaans. “This is an unauthorised gathering. It is against the law. You must break up now and return to your schools.” He repeated the message several times and each time Jessie could feel the anger swelling in the crowd; the muttering of those closest to her and a few lone voices shouting their defiance. Jessie recognised the danger and made her way back towards her car, intending to use whatever protection it gave her. At that moment a few pupils threw stones at the police standing on the vehicles. They were clear targets, exposed as they were and unable to duck the missiles, and several were hit. They panicked. The first shots were isolated, and then came a fusillade of rifle and shotgun fire. Pandemonium reigned in the ranks of the schoolchildren and they ran from the death to their front. A young schoolgirl standing next to Jessie was hit in the neck. She staggered backwards and caught herself, her eyes fixed on Jessie, wide in shock. Blood blossomed from the wound, staining the front of her uniform. Jessie reacted without thought, grabbing the girl and trying to stem the flow of blood with her hand. That was when a stray bullet, one of the last fired that day, hit her in the centre of her back, and ended, at age twenty-seven, a life that had promised so much. Falk had the radio on as he worked on some ideas for a new novel and he heard of the protest and shooting in Woodstock. He wondered if Jessie had witnessed the incident, but thought no more about it until his phone rang at 2.25pm. It was the school, reminding him that Sarah and Haytham were due to have been picked up a half- an-hour earlier. The voice on the end of the line was annoyed at having to wait. “I’m terribly sorry, Mevrou, my wife was due to pick them up and she’s a stickler for timing. I’ll call you back in a minute.” He phoned her law firm and got the receptionist, a woman he had met. “Hello Hentie. Jessie was supposed to pick the children up at Walmer Estate at 2.00. Did she get away on time?” “Ja, at about twenty-to. But there was a terrible shooting on Victoria Road and there are still cars in the road. Maybe she got caught up in it.” “How far is it from your office?” “Not far, just down the road from us.” “Can you see it from the office?” “No. Do you want me to go and look, Falk?” “That would be great, Hentie, thanks. I’ll be waiting for your call.” He phoned the school and told them what he knew. There was a panic beginning in his heart, but he calmed himself. What were the odds that she might have been hurt? He did not have long to wait, and when Hentie came on the line he knew from the breathlessness in her first words that something was dreadfully wrong. “Your car is still in Victoria Road, Falk. They’ve pushed it onto the pavement and the key was still in it. I have it. There’s no sign of Jessie. I’m sorry, Falk, she might have been hurt. I asked around at the stores there, but nobody could help me.” He phoned Meisie Hendricks. “Meisie, I’m afraid Jessie might have been hurt in that shooting down in Woodstock. She failed to pick up Sarah and Haytham at the school and our car is still where the shooting took place.” Falk heard the warm words of consolation but his brain was running ahead of him and they did not register. “Could you pick our kids up, Meisie, and Tess at the nursery?” “Of course, but what will you do?” “I have to get down there. I’ll take a taxi.” “No, don’t do that, I’ll pick you up, then we can go to the school and get the kids and I’ll drop you in Woodstock.” There was lots of blood on the road, close to where the car had been moved, and he was now hard pressed not to allow the panic to take control of his actions. There were other signs of the disaster, shoes and clothing discarded in the hysteria to get away. Falk paced in front of the reception desk while Hentie phoned the hospitals to find out where the casualties had been taken. There were two hospitals used, and he found no sign of Jessie after a frustrating wait at both; he was one of many looking for relatives and loved ones. They finally directed him to the mortuary and as he drove there he was praying harder than he had ever done in his life, praying that there was some other explanation for his wife’s disappearance. There were only four killed that day, only one an adult, and they took him directly to her. She was lying on her back on a trolley and he could see no sign of a wound, which was a blessing and a curse for she looked like she was sleeping and would wake at any moment. He insisted they show him the wound and when they turned the body back to the original position he just stood there looking at that beloved face, not able to leave until they chased him out. Meisie came to the gate when he parked in front of their house. “They killed her Meisie, shot her in the back.” “Oh no, Falk, not our Jessie.” She came quickly through the gate and embraced him and he laid his head on her shoulder but he would not cry. “You poor, poor man. And those children in there. It’s too horrible. Are you one hundred percent sure?” “I saw her.” “What will you do now?” “I must think of the children.” “Why don’t you leave them with us tonight?” “No. Thanks Meisie, but no. They know something’s wrong. I need to take them home and tell them.” “Do you want me to come with you?” “No. Thanks again, Meisie, but it’s a job for a father. I was not yet seven when my father died, the same age as Haytham is now. My mother had to come to the school and tell me. I still remember how we comforted one another that night. It’s my turn now. I have the example of my mother before me. Pray that I will do it as well.” Falk decided that long night after the children dropped into exhausted sleep, that he would take them to his mother in Prince Albert. Stephanie had enough room in her flat behind Warm. It would not be good for them to be in Cape Town when he did what he planned to do. He planned murder, but by the time he came back from Prince Albert ten days later he no longer thought that way. The words of Van der Spuy kept playing through his head, those words of goading that his first beer would be given to him by one of his children and his wife would cook him a steak. You could not just murder the guilty without also bringing pain and perhaps deprivation to the innocent. The target became one of sabotage, the goal to hurt the police by damaging their infrastructure. There were many impediments: he knew nothing about explosives or incendiary devices and he had no accomplices, nor would he recruit any. There were also strengths, his independence for one, and the lack of preparedness of the police, arrogant in their supremacy. Falk made lists of all the police facilities in Cape Town: police stations, depots, radio masts, training and administration centres. It was extensive and, when finally compiled, also daunting. He needed to make a start and chose a vehicle depot in Salt River and he became a clandestine agent, finding places from which he could watch the target unseen and accumulate information on the daily routines. What he found was a soft target, the perimeter defences easy to breach, vehicles parked next to each other to make it easy to destroy multiples of them, guards slack or even non-existent at some times over the weekend. During all this time of planning and observing, Falk did not even tell his Principal that he was back in town. He had taken compassionate leave and had no intention of returning until the first action of his mission was complete. If he needed to explain his movements, he was a grieving author with license to stay at home or go out at any time of the night or day, researching for his writing. His plan was simple: empty the tanks of the petrol-engined vehicles and set them alight. He bought a new hosepipe and cut up his old one into suitable lengths. He reckoned he only had to spill the fuel from five or six strategically placed vehicles to set a blaze that would probably consume the fifty to sixty pickups and trucks in that yard. Falk went in on a Saturday night at 8.30pm, early enough to ensure there was still regular traffic. He parked his Borgward at a spot he had previously picked out, only a four hundred metre run from the depot and near Voortrekker Road so that he could quickly get into the busy road and become inconspicuous. He carried with him the half a dozen cut lengths of hosepipe, a crudely made torch which he could light and throw some distance, and wire cutters. The depot was eerily quiet, the sodium perimeter lights casting the vehicles in a yellow filter. As he had found on previous Saturdays, the guardhouse was shut. If someone was in there, they were probably asleep. The cutting of the mesh fence was a simple job and he soon had a square cut on three sides and could bend it back and step through. The next bit he did not relish, sucking on the hosepipe stuck in a fuel tank until the fuel flowed freely and he could leave it to empty on the ground, the puddle spreading to embrace a few vehicles on either side. He nearly gagged several times before the task was over, petrol spreading over the ground and running under nearly all the parked vehicles. The smell was almost overpowering. Falk retreated to the cut fence and lit his torch. He waited a moment until the rags on the top of the stake were burning fiercely and then lobbed it to the nearest saturated ground. The petrol blew, almost instantaneously over the whole yard, a funeral pyre of proportions that Falk had not imagined, searing his face at a distance of over twenty metres. The fright gave him wings and he sprinted into the darkness beyond the fire’s incandescence. He was at his car in under two minutes and into the light traffic on Voortrekker Road in another minute. Looking in his rear view mirror he could see the conflagration filling the night sky behind him, and he felt the first tremor of satisfaction. He had done it, started the process of fighting back to avenge the death of his wife, his Persian princess who had taught him so much about love and whom they had killed without compunction, just a factor in their process of dehumanising people of colour. Falk badly underestimated the tenacity of the detective services of the police. They never got proof but they didn’t need it when they could detain suspects for prolonged periods without trial. They determined the motive to be the death of his wife and the opportunity in the fact that he left his children in Prince Albert so that he could be a free agent. Together with his history of banning, that was enough. Once again he was in the hated cells in Central Police Station and once again they tortured and abused him and got nothing. This time there was no wife to mobilise opposition against his imprisonment. No-one knew he was in there until it was too late, and with all the protests taking place throughout the city, the press would not have been much interested, even if they had known. When they gave up on getting a confession so that they could have a trial they transferred him to Pollsmoor and placed him in solitary confinement for a month, before sending him on to Robben Island, which had become the preferred place of internment for political prisoners. Falk was very fortunate that the battle of the political detainees to not be placed with common criminals had been fought and won in the 1960s; his physical presence and the renown from being a Coloured Springbok trialist would have been a challenge to the gangs, and he would have faced greater danger from them than the warders could ever offer. The quality of individuals interned in Robben Island was exceptional; many had been lawyers, teachers, businessmen and priests. The Rivonia trialists had already been there for fourteen years and they set the moral and behavioural norms. There was a trio of leadership, Mandela, Sisulu and Govan Mbeki, and it was clear from the start of Falk’s internment that these three, and particularly Mandela, set the tone for the behaviour of the prisoners in order to gain some control over the warders and the conditions on the island. Falk expected the worst kind of treatment, and was surprised that there was a fair amount of latitude given by the warders. There were privileges he’d never expected, such as the library and the ability to talk fairly freely. Some of the inmates told him about the conditions in the early 1960s, when there had been no conversing among prisoners and the food was appalling, and they gave credit to Nelson Mandela for softening these conditions through a policy of dignified behaviour, even if it was one of defiance, to earn a measure of respect. All of the prisoners were required to do manual labour. It was a mechanism of control, and also a means of passing the time. Falk was placed with those prisoners gathering kelp, and eventually he came to have some enjoyment in it because it was outdoors with the clean smell of the cold Atlantic waters and the thunder of the surf, monotonously regular and yet distinctly separate, each crashing wave different. You had to watch for the occasional dangerous big one, which could easily take your feet out from under you. In later years, his writing often contained images relating to the sea; the endless surge and crash of the breakers, the salt-laden air and the chill and damp of the mist. The worst aspect of his time on the island was missing his children. In the general section of the prison where he was placed, they were allowed to write and receive one letter every three months and to have one visitor every six months. Obviously, his correspondent was Stephanie and she made up in volume what she could not in frequency. Her letters were a mine of information on the daily lives and achievements of the three, and from his mother’s letters he learned how she had had no alternative but to send Sarah and Haytham to Christian boarding schools in Cape Town which accepted Coloured children; the cost was of no consequence because the trust left by his aunt paid the fees. Sometimes Falk would look up from his work on the rocky shore and gaze towards the mainland, imagining the two children, so close and yet totally unattainable. At those times he would look too at the base of Devil’s Peak; in that jumble of buildings which he could see so indistinctly was the place where Jessie had died. And in those times the old bitterness would return and the endless, pointless, what-if scenarios. He only got to meet Nelson Mandela when he had been on the island for seven months, and it was to prove a meeting of great future consequence. They met in the library at the request of Mandela. “So, Falk, you are a writer and, I hear, a friend of Steve Biko’s.” Mandela’s knowledge of his writing and the Biko connection was a surprise, but he was to learn later that the older man always made the effort to learn something of the person to whom he spoke. “You are not fully informed, Mister Mandela. I only met Steve once, at the inaugural conference of SASO.” “And you made an impression on him; your refusal to play racist rugby.” “How did you know that?” “We get some things here. And you should really not call me Mister. My name is Nelson.” Falk acknowledged this with a nod. “Let’s talk about your writing. I believe it’s mainly fiction, but you have written some newspaper articles.” “Yes, but there have not been many articles. I’m really a writer of fiction and poetry, Nelson.” “Good, you used the name. Not so hard, was it?” Falk was marvelling at the warmth and humanity of the man. “Well, Falk, I wanted to meet you because we will have need of writers in the future.” “And what do you see in the future?” “There will be negotiation in the end. It won’t be soon. I keep telling the young men who come in here to be prepared for ten or twenty years. It’s much harder for them to think of such a long time.” Mandela changed the subject and started to talk about the ANC. “What do you think of the ANC, Falk?” “You are the only political party accepting people of all races and I like that.” “What else?” “Nelson, I’m not one for political dogma. I recognise the necessity to organise people into parties to win elections and maybe it will come to that in time, in your ten to twenty years. It means a conglomeration of individual ideals into something that has universal appeal, or you won’t get the votes and that’s the bit I don’t like, the compromise to gain popularity.” Mandela did not answer for a long time. It was another trait of his that Falk was to learn about; his pauses, almost actor-like, for effect. “So, you’re a non-conformist.” “I wouldn’t put it that way. In some areas of life I like discipline and conformity. I just don’t like compromise when it comes to values.” “Like what?” “Like human dignity. And honesty and truth. Bodies of people distort those things to their own goals of supremacy.” “Supremacy. Interesting word. You think that’s necessary to govern?” “Yes, I do.” “Well, Falk, you’re an interesting man. We must talk some more. I don’t agree with you, but I’ll think about it.” 11. They released Falk just before Christmas in 1979. He had been on the island for three years and one month and never during that time had he been charged with a crime. Falk walked from the foreshore, up Adderley Street to his bank, feeling terribly conspicuous. He had lost weight and was lean and hard looking and deeply tanned and he looked older than his thirtytwo years. He was not a man you would confront. He took the afternoon train bound for Johannesburg, which stopped at Prince Albert Road. There was nothing for him in Cape Town; it was the Christmas break for the schools and his children would be in Prince Albert. He had provisioned himself for the forty-four kilometre walk between the two Prince Alberts, expecting to stay out in the veld for at least two nights. He could have called his mother and arranged for her to fetch him, but he relished this homecoming, sleeping in the wide embrace of a Karroo night, getting himself mentally prepared for the children and the next phase of his life. It was dusk when the train pulled alongside the simple platform that was Prince Albert Road and it darkened rapidly as he walked through the quiet streets of the small town and into the veld, soon leaving behind the lights and human sounds of the town, alone in the light of the stars, his footfalls the only sound until he recognised again the night sounds of that arid land. He walked for several hours, wanting to get well away from the town, savouring his first freedom of movement for more than a thousand days. Water was a consideration, and when he heard the squeak-clank of a windmill near the road he turned towards it and dropped his pack over the fence before climbing over himself at one of the main uprights. There was a circular concrete reservoir near the windmill. The stars reflected on the smooth dark surface of the water, shattering into a thousand pinpricks of light when he dipped his hand into the water and splashed his face before drinking. Ironically, that first night of freedom he thought most of the island, and the friends he had made and the tragedies, the many stories and rumours of death in detention. The authorities tried to put a lid on news of the death of Steve Biko, but when it became known it was a particular blow to Falk, for he remembered well the presence of the man and his intellect. The official story that Biko had suffered an accident while in detention was farcical; Falk knew their methods, that clever brain would have been bashed to the point of death. It made him fearful, thinking of the power and ruthlessness of the state and of its slavish servants, willing to commit atrocities in their unshakeable belief in the right of their supremacy. He must not allow them to incarcerate him again, to once more have him in their power for every day and every hour. Even this camping in the veld of a White farmer was a risk, for it was a trespass and he had no doubt that would be enough for them to jail him again. He was walking before sunrise and came to the Gamka River midmorning. He rested there, letting the memories enmesh him, this river of his youth, so different here on the dry plains but nevertheless the same river that ran in the canyons and which had been his constant companion until he’d gone to school in Oudtshoorn; the same river he had hiked down on the fateful journey to find his grandfather dead, killed by the leopard. It was for this reason that he had made the decision to walk to Prince Albert, to find these memories of an older and innocent time, to have them as a buffer against the despair at the loss of his loving companion and the wasted years. The physical challenge would also help to get his thoughts in order about the children and his future. The priorities were clear; stay out of prison and live with and for his children. If he was to stay clear of the authorities he needed to go underground. The previous night the thought had come to him that he could write a series of stories about the island, a series centred on the characters he had met. It was his first creative idea for longer than he could remember. Clearly a mere sniff of freedom could work wonders on the imagination, allowing it to wander widely instead of being confined by the fear and hate that dominated thought in a prison. As he had sat there the previous night, with the vault of stars his horizon, the idea had grown. He would sell the stories to an overseas newspaper, call them Letters from the Island. Now, as he recalled the idea, he realised he would have to bury his identity. He would use a nom de plume, but it called for more than that. His name had to be untraceable, and how would he do that? A way would be found, for he could not allow his fear of prison to muzzle him. To be with his children, he needed to live close to their schools and have an occupation that gave him flexibility of time. The following year, 1980, Sarah would be going to High School and Tess would be starting her school career, big changes for both. Ironically, there was plenty of money for the children’s education from his Aunt’s trust, but his own fund of cash was almost exhausted and that limited his job opportunities, for he would need capital to start a business. He wondered how Stephanie had managed with Warm, and whether it was a success financially and could help him with a loan. More importantly, how had she managed to keep Tess in a White-zoned area and have the other children come to stay in the holidays? He knew she would have fiercely fought any attempts to remove them. Falk reached Prince Albert late that afternoon, just before nightfall, and was tempted to go to his mother and children immediately but decided to rather approach them for the first time in a structured way. Wait for the next day. He made his camp across the river in public land and when it was dark he bathed in the cold waters, refreshing his body, tired with the unusual activity of hiking from dawn to dusk. When the music started, and the laughter swelled, he realised that it was a Friday night and he was just downriver of the Bush Tavern. It brought back unwanted memories. What had happened to Pauline, the lover of dancing? Did she ever pine after that life, ever long for her son and regret abandoning him? Oh Jessie, he thought, you would never have done that. To his regret, physical images of his wife were no longer so sharp in his mind. But her deeds were, and their lovemaking, the way she would tickle his back to arouse him, so softly, like the wings of a bird. And he remembered that look of love and pride when she gazed at the children after they had done something useful or clever. He was grateful that he had enjoyed the love of such a woman, as short as their life together had been. The next morning he walked into the Coloured part of town, seeking the home of Bianca’s parents. He remembered his former employee saying she had persuaded her parents to build her a room behind their house, for she wanted her freedom; she had told him with an obvious hint that he could come visiting in the dead of the night, then she laughed when he caught the innuendo and knew he was thinking about it. He was directed to one of the more substantial homes in the area, although still small by the standards of the homes half a kilometre away, in the White part of town. The door was opened by Bianca’s mother, an older version than the woman he remembered, but still with the good looks she had passed on to her daughter. Maria Haak, he remembered the name. “Mevrou Haak, ek is Falk Baartman.” “Shame on you, Meneer Baartman, as if I’d forget the man who broke my daughter’s heart.” She laughed. “Ag, I joke. What’re you doing here?” “I’m looking for a place to rent for a week or two. I remember Bianca telling me you built an extra room for her and I wondered if it was empty, if maybe I could rent it?” “Come in. I’m going to call you Falk. You’re no longer my daughter’s boss and you’re a Coloured like us now, ne?” She almost pulled him into the house and he went along willingly, bemused by her rough good humour. She called in a loud voice; “Cornel, come see who’s here.” He was a huge, barrel-shaped man, the small moustache lost in the roundness of cheeks and chin, the eyes sharp and full of mischief. “Falk Baartman, my Here. They’ve let you out, those donners?” They agreed to rent him Bianca’s old room, the only problem being that she would be coming home for the Christmas break and would have to stay in her old room in the main house. Maria promised him there would be much bantering about that. He asked after their daughter and learned she had gone to Cape Town and had qualified as a teacher, was happily teaching but unhappily married, with no children. The husband would be left behind to celebrate Christmas with his family, whom she now loathed. He was told all of this with humour and absolute frankness; it was clear Cornel and Maria Haak laughed at life’s many roadblocks and took them in their stride. Falk walked into town, hoping no-one would recognise him in his dishevelled state. He bought clothes and shoes at Pep Stores, and returned to his room where he had his first fresh water shower in years, dressed in the new clothes and felt like a million bucks, despite the cheapness of the outfit. The first thing to surprise him was his old Borgward, parked in the yard behind Warm. So, his mother had brought the car. He wondered what else she had recovered. The old car gave him a warm feeling of belonging. He knocked on the door of the flat and Sarah opened it. Falk had worried about this first meeting, but his doubts disappeared as the loveliest smile, Jessie’s smile, transfixed his step-daughter’s face. “Daddy, oh Daddy, they’ve let you go.” She flung the door open and came into his arms and he felt her body shuddering with her crying. “Who is it, Sarah?” His mother came into view. “Oh God, Falk.” And then he had two of them hugging him and crying. The other two children were drawn by the noise and Haytham was the first to come into the passage leading to the front door. His appearance and immediate change of demeanour when he saw his father were a shock to Falk. The boy had grown to almost his father’s height, but was still skinny, gangly almost, and with his mother’s delicate features, round eyes and long eyelashes. But, as much as his changed appearance was a surprise, more so was the expression on his face. He had rounded the corner with a look of expectation but it changed immediately to one of alarm and he backed up the implications of that look by staying out of the reach of his father’s outstretched hand. “Hello, Pa,” was all he ventured. Fortunately, the awkward moment was broken by the arrival of Tess. Her change of appearance was even greater, for she had doubled her age and grown from a round toddler who walked and ran with a drunken sway, to a lithe young girl, one who was no longer familiar with her father. “Is that you, Daddy?” Even the voice was different. “Yes, it’s me, Tess.” Her response was one of joy and Falk thanked Stephanie in his heart for keeping him alive in the mind of his youngest child. Tess joined the tight ring and threw her arms around her father’s waist. The tableau lasted for a few moments until Falk, disturbed by his son’s reaction, broke free and went to the boy and hugged his stiff figure. “It must be a shock, son, to see me here, but I’m so happy to see you, so happy to see you so grown up.” The words helped, but the boy’s demeanour remained distant. “Thank you, Pa,” he said, but there was no return compliment offered. It was sometime later that Falk joined his mother in her office in the store; she had broken away for Saturday was a big retail day at Warm and her presence was needed. She had a further motive; she needed to discuss things privately with her son. His first concern was for his son. “What’s wrong with Haytham, Ma?” “Unfortunately, son, it’s the school he goes to. Bishops is almost all White. Most of the boys come to school with the prejudice of their parents and to them you are a terrorist. Haytham defended you stoutly in the beginning but it became too hard and made him too unpopular. I did my best to give him perspective, but I think in the end he needed to put you from his mind as an act of selfpreservation. “I’m sure you can change that in time, Falk, but it might also need you to change his school; perhaps you can send him to Trafalgar, now that he won’t need to be a boarder.” “That didn’t seem to happen at Sarah’s school.” “No, the Convent is different, more liberal perhaps, but I don’t really know. Sarah’s also more assertive than Haytham and more grounded, for although she lost her mother, it’s not as if her mother abandoned her as Pauline did to Haytham. I think that’s a major thing in Haytham’s lack of confidence and the way he rebels sometimes.” “Has Pauline ever attempted to make contact?” “No, never. Look, son, I have something pressing to discuss with you. But I need to know your plans for the future first. Have you given consideration to what you want to do?” “Yes, Ma, of course. Thought of the future was sometimes the only way to retain my sanity on the island. “I’m not going to return to teaching. I want to do something to help Coloured people to a greater appreciation of themselves; a greater love of themselves and their race. I’m not sure what that will be, for my capital is nearly exhausted and I have no means to start a business. Ideally I would do something like this store in Cape Town; further Coloured literature and art and maybe also have a small printing press. “That’s the one side of my ambition, Ma. The other is a desire to be there for the children and that means an occupation that gives me freedom of time.” “Then my first news will help you Falk. I’m selling Warm.” His immediate reaction was one of sadness. It was hard for him to accept the loss of his first adult venture. “Why, Ma?” “Wait, son, there’s more. I’m giving you half of the proceeds of the sale.” He made to protest, but she put her hand up, cutting him short. “It’s only fair. You started this business. Perhaps even more importantly, you chose this particular site for the store and it has become highly desirable now that the village is becoming a fashionable place to visit. “There’s even more to it, as I said. It has been hard for me to keep the children in town. I’ve encountered unbelievable bigotry and have had to fight off a number of objections; it’s scary what the race thing does to the normal decency of people.” “I thought you might have that problem. I’m sorry you had to face it on your own.” “Oh, don’t worry about that, it’s been well worth it. The joy of having them here more than compensated me. Little Tess has rejuvenated my life, Falk. What a wonderful task she has been for me. But there has always been the threat that I might not be able to keep them here.” “And I’m going to take her away.” “Yes, but she was going anyway. I’ve had the good fortune that the Headmistress of the local White school is a friend of mine and allowed Tess to be admitted and she’s spent the last two years there and done very well, despite the nastiness of some of the children. But I’ve been told she may not return, the objections have become overwhelming. So, she would have had to go to boarding school in Cape Town next year. There’s nothing for her here. “I have even more news Falk. Heavens I’ve just been unloading on you. I’m getting married.” He must have looked startled. “Don’t look like that. I’ve been on my own for more than twenty years, and it’s not the Dominee!” “I’m happy for you, Ma. Who’s the lucky man?” “His name is Paul Walters. He’s a farmer out towards Klaarstroom, in the valley just before the pass. You won’t know him because he only settled here a few years ago. He had a farm near Alexandria in the Eastern Cape, but when his wife died he found he could not stay there, that he needed a change, and luckily for me he came here.” “How did you meet him?” “He came into the store and loved it. It turns out that his hobby is painting. I think it’s more of a passion really. “Paul helped me with the decision to sell the store, because it gave me somewhere to go with the children. He loves them and they really like him too and there would be no impediment to them living on the farm. “Anyway, that doesn’t matter anymore, for they have their father back. But you will be careful, won’t you, son? They couldn’t take it if you went back to jail.” Falk was overwhelmed by the personal sacrifice and the growth of his mother. The young woman who had come out of the valley with work-coarsened hands and strong shoulders had become a sophisticate. The demands of the job had given her poise and a dress sense, and the need to defend the right to have her grandchildren with her had given her strength of character and no doubt a certain status bordering on notoriety in the village. “Ma, you are a wonder.” “Well,” she said, “I had the example of my son before me.” Falk spent more than two weeks in Prince Albert before returning to Cape Town to find a place to live and business premises. Most of that time he spent with his children and the four of them began the process of bridging the years he had been away. Even Haytham began to warm to his father. Falk had found the boy fascinated by his tales of the island and he used that interest to rebuild their relationship. There was one awkward moment. “Did you blow-up those police cars, Pa?” It was not a question he could answer, not even with his desire to be completely honest with his son. “I need you to understand the consequences of me answering that question, Haytham. The security police tortured me for a week to try to get me to confess. If they had extracted a confession, they would have charged and tried me for sabotage and I would most likely have received a long sentence, more than ten years. As it was, I was never charged and they released me in just over three years, mostly because the jail on the island is overcrowded. “Can you see the difference between knowing and not knowing the answer to your question? Can you see why I can never answer that question, even to my son?” He waited for Haytham to commit to an answer and it took some time, the boy struggling with his need to have his father trust him and his understanding of the danger of that knowledge. Eventually he understood. “Yes, Pa, I see that.” “Good, because they are not above questioning children. Now let me ask you a question, Haytham. How much did you love Jessie?” The boy’s eyes grew even rounder, giving him a startled look. “With all my heart, Pa. She became my mother.” “I’m so glad you saw that. After your Ma and Eric left us and we married, Jessie and I, we both had the good fortune to gain an extra child, me with Sarah and Jessie with you. It was wonderful for both of us, and we hoped you and Sarah could see that. “So here’s my question for you; what would you have done if you were me and your wife, who you love so much, who your children love so much, was killed by the police who just shot into a crowd, not caring whether they killed innocent women or children?” The boy made to answer. “Wait, son, I don’t want you to answer, just to think about it. Think about how such an act of revenge is not an act of terrorism but an act of retribution. Do you understand that word, retribution?” “Not really.” “Terrorism is to make people fearful, Haytham. In this case, to do something that makes White people afraid so that they change their laws. So, it’s an act to make people change. Retribution is getting your own back for an awful thing they did to you, which needs to be answered and if it’s not you can’t rest easy for a long time, maybe forever. Now do you understand it?” “Yes, Pa, I do.” “Okay, son. I’m glad you asked me about the police vehicles, because I believe your classmates say your dad is a terrorist.” “Did Grandma tell you that?” “Yes.” “Yes, they do say that, Pa. But I won’t care anymore. I won’t believe them anymore.” “That’s good, Haytham, and when you have to decide which senior school you want to go to at the end of next year, you can change schools if you want to. It will be your choice.” Bianca arrived on the Sunday afternoon, two days before Christmas, ready for a week with her parents. Falk did not know she had arrived as he was with his family and only returned to the room after supper. She did not let him settle before she knocked at his door. The years had treated her kindly. In fact he had to say that she looked better for having filled out, it seemed in all the right places. Her greeting was vintage Bianca. “Well look here. It’s my old boss sleeping in my room.” He tried to match her mock bonhomie. “And my old employee, much changed I see.” She playfully thrust her breasts forward and gave a half-laugh, halfgiggle. “So you noticed, oh goodie.” “I’m glad to see not everything’s changed.” “You don’t think they’ve got bigger?” “Your nature Bianca, I’m referring to your nature.” “Still serious I see, but that’s me too nowadays, Falk. So, to be serious, I just wanted to welcome you and tell you how very pleased I am that you remembered that I had a room and came to ask my folks if you could rent it.” Her about face was unexpected. “Thank you.” “Oh that’s nothing, Falk. You have no idea how much Joel and I loved having you as a boss; you treated us as equals and spent hours teaching us. It was a wonderful first job.” “And now you’re the teacher.” “Yes, followed in your footsteps. I’m teaching at a primary school in Mitchell’s Plain.” “And enjoying it?” “Yes, I love the teaching and the younger children, but the environment around the school is lousy, totally controlled by the gangs. I drive in and drive straight out when I’m finished, no stopping there. I feel for those teaching high school where the gangs are in the classroom. “Anyway, must go now. To my little girl’s room. I’m so pleased you’re here Falk.” She touched him on the cheek, then leant forward and kissed him lightly on the lips and then she was gone before he could react. He was left with her scent and the memory of her soft lips. Falk closed the door and switched off the room light and stripped in the dark and lay down knowing he would not sleep for some time. He was buzzing with sexual desire, something familiar to him in relation to Bianca. When he had first hired her, before he’d got involved with Pauline again, he had always wondered what it would be like to spend a night with her. She had never hidden her interest in him, and there had always been innuendo in their conversations, not dissimilar to what he had just experienced. When Pauline came along, Bianca backed off and he had been so wrapped up in his own relationship that he had never considered what that might have meant to the younger woman. At the time they were both so young, only a year or two separating them. Of course, the law was against them. How ironical that was, he thought. I was White and she was Coloured, what silly distinctions. Also, he had the early idealism of his first company and his first employees, the rules of engagement, you did not mess with the staff. Another irony for he who had slept with his teacher. There was another impediment now. Bianca was married, although she had not behaved as if that was an impediment and her mother had told Falk that it was a bad marriage. Could that have been deliberate? Did Maria see him as a suitable candidate for her daughter? Falk realised he had no intention of falling in love with another woman; he had loved three and that was enough. Besides, he was a dangerous partner, wanting to be absorbed in his children to absolve himself of the guilt he felt at missing three years of their lives, and dangerous too in that the state could find another reason to incarcerate him. He could not offer Bianca, or any woman, a longterm relationship. If things developed between them, he would tell her that, and if she accepted those terms, well, he would gladly be her friend in all that meant. It was a good thought to go to sleep on, one of the happiest thoughts he’d had in many a year. He did not have to wait long. Falk spent Christmas Eve with his mother and the children. They had supper together and retired early, filled with anticipation for the next day, their first Christmas together as a family for a very long time. The town was mostly quiet, just a few pockets of laughter and music, most people reserving their energy for the next day. And it was warm and still as he walked up Kerk Straat. Falk marvelled at his change of fortunes. Just four days before he would have been locked in his cell at that time of the night. It was not the change of location that he dwelt on, but his state of mind, the desperation and loneliness of before, not knowing when he would be released, not knowing how his family was faring. The Haak home was also locked down for the night, just a solitary light burning above the garage door, but enough for him to find his way around the house and let himself into Bianca’s old room. He did not switch the room light on, the habit of the prison, stripped his clothes off and went into the bathroom and ran the shower and entered it without bothering to wait until the water ran warm. The water cascading over his head disguised the noise of the tapping at his door until she came to the bathroom window and rapped harder. He knew it was Bianca, and wrapped a towel around his wet body before opening the window. She said not a word, merely gestured to tell him to open the door and when he did she slipped in quickly and closed it behind her. They were both standing in the dark. He was wet and semi-naked and from what he had seen briefly as she entered the room she was wearing only shorts and a T-shirt and the noises he heard told him that even that scant clothing was being discarded. He whispered, “Bianca, we need to talk first.” “No Falk, no talking. I’m giving you an early Christmas present. It’s something I’ve wanted to give you ever since that first day I saw you. Accept it, it comes with no strings attached.” Then she was in his arms and his towel fell from his waist and his cold and wet body was touching her warm and dry skin, touching it everywhere, maximum contact, even their thighs touching and her breasts squashed against his chest as he bent to find her lips. Passion took over and more than a decade of longing for her and three years of celibacy for him made for an energetic and heady mixture, and when they were both satisfied they lay on their backs side by side and allowed their bodies to return to a semblance of normality. His hand found hers. “I wanted to explain.” “I know what you wanted to explain, Falk. But listen to me. This was my dream and perhaps not yours. That doesn’t matter, because I know I can never be your lifetime partner. There was a time when I thought that was possible, that at least we could become lovers, but then Pauline came along. I so wished I could warn you against her, for she was not the woman for you. That’s why I stayed on at Warm, for I knew your relationship with Pauline would end and I wanted to be there when it did. “Then I heard you’d married Jessie, but still I had hope. That stopped when you brought her to Prince Albert, after you were expelled from UWC. I don’t know if you were aware, but during that time you stayed at Rooikrantz, when your Aunt Tess was dying, Jessie came into the store to see your mother several times and we talked. That’s when I knew my hopes could never be realised Falk. She was an awesome lady, and I’m so sorry for your loss.” He said nothing. “Long speech, hey?” “Yes, long speech. I don’t know what to say, Bianca. I never knew you felt quite like that.” There was nothing more he could think to say so he changed the subject. “Tell me about your husband.” “Oh Daan. No I don’t think I’ll tell you much. We’re married, we live together, but there’s not much more to tell. Except that Daan’s not much of a man for sex. You’d call it asexual maybe. I don’t know exactly what that means, but it seems to fit Daan.” “What does he do?” “He’s a lawyer, but now you’re jumping my story Falk. I have more of my long story to tell you. The bit about the future.” “There’s a future in this story?” “There’s always a future. In our case, I see us getting together at times in Cape Town. As lovers of course. It was fun wasn’t it?” “An understatement.” “Yes, so we can be modern and become lovers. I hope so. But that’s also not my story. “Do you remember a girl called Isa Erasmus, Falk? I served her once at Warm, more than ten years ago, wasn’t it?” Hearing the name was a shock, especially the quarter from which it came. “I can feel from the way you squeezed my hand that you remember well.” “What do you know of her?” “She works in the same law firm as Daan. They both do pro bona work for an NGO called Justice For All, a kind of watchdog group that tries to help underprivileged people who do not receive a fair trial.” “Isa does that?” “Oh yes, she’s quite a woman our Isa.” “Why are you telling me this Bianca?” “Because she still carries a flame for you.” He could not help the wonderful warm feeling those words gave him, but he discarded the notion almost immediately. “Bianca, don’t play with this subject. I haven’t seen or heard of Isa for, as you say, more than ten years. The last time she saw me she urged me to see Pauline again, to carry through with what Pauline and I had started.” “Clever girl.” “What does that mean?” “It means that she understood that Pauline would not last long, and that you also needed to get her out of your system.” “Okay Bianca, you know something, so tell me.” “Isa is a very special person Falk and that’s why I’m going to tell you this because it’s dumb to say the least to tell you positive things about a rival. But that lady has got under my skin. “Most times when Daan and Isa have to work on a special case they do so after hours, because it doesn’t benefit the firm. I’ve been along to Isa’s flat in Tamboerskloof sometimes and she also comes to our house. She remembered me from Warm and we had something in common. That was you. “I could never tell her the way I felt, because Daan was there, but she could talk freely. She kept in touch with your movements, Falk, even watched you play rugby once. After you were declared Coloured, I think she realised there was no hope for you two, but she never stopped following your life. “She tried to move on and even got married, but it didn’t work out. It lasted only two years and then they divorced, it seems amicably.” “Why do you want me to know this Bianca?” “I’m not really sure myself. When I think of you and Isa, I see two people who are really special. She’s a terrific lawyer and a caring person who is trying her best to correct the wrongs in this sometimes lousy country, and you, Falk, well you could be a great writer. The two of you were meant for each other. The stories she told me of the way you helped each other in Die Hel and also at Oudtshoorn really got to me. Against that, what am I? Just a girl who knows both of you. Your sometimes lover, maybe.” ROCKLANDS. For all that Africans talk of colonialism having torn them from their roots, it is only the Coloured minority in the Western Cape that suffers collective amnesia; where their past used to be, there is only insult. Jonny Steinberg. “The Number”. 1. The community hall in Rocklands is a very ordinary place. Visit it today and you will be hard pressed to see the historical context that should make it special. It has a small parking lot in front of it. Across the street there is more parking, a patch of tar lost in a vast, empty tract of sand, void of vegetation, one of those urban spaces that have no function. The building itself stands on a raised brick plinth, but has no stature, long and low is the style, with ugly iron bars protecting the windows and entrance areas. There is a library alongside, but even in that utility you will have difficulty finding a celebration of the event that put Rocklands on the political map of South Africa. If asked, the librarian will bring out a small folder with a scant history. It’s disappointing. And there is a monument, a thing constructed of steel and concrete, a sort of spire to tell you that this is where the United Democratic Front was formed. It looks like one of those ugly workers’ memorials that you can find in former Soviet Bloc countries, idealised pictures of the proletariat marching with purpose, surrounded by relics of the struggle. You can’t help wondering if the historical context has been buried deliberately to downplay the important role the UDF played in bringing down Apartheid. After all, you can’t confuse the new proletariat. There can only be one victor. Much was to happen to the Baartman family before August 20, 1983, the day the internal fight against the Nationalist regime gained new momentum. The Cape Town Falk returned to in January 1980 was much changed, growth and development everywhere, but not for the Coloured community. The areas where they lived had spread across the flats, but in no significant way was it better. He went first to his friends, Callie and Meisie Hendricks. They still lived in their house in Brandon Street, but their circumstances were much eased as three of their children had left the home. It was not possible for him to stay with them for any length of time, but they would not let him leave that first evening and he ended up sleeping on a couch on the verandah, not eight metres from his old car parked on the pavement. It had been a monumental reunion and the early summer sun was not welcome that morning. Falk’s first consideration was a home for his family. Haytham would spend at least another year at Bishops and Tess would join Sarah at Springfield Convent. Bishops was close to his old home in Athlone but Springfield Convent was in upper Wynberg; perhaps the two girls could be dropped off at Rondebosch Station on the Simonstown line and could travel to the station closest to the school; it would not entail too long a walk from there. He wanted to stay close to their previous homes, not only for the children but also because he wanted stability in his life; the familiarity of place would give him ease. But he also needed to put some distance between himself and the Athlone Police Station; every time he drove by he remembered the yard and the beating he had received. In the end he wandered not too far, to Crawford, a suburb south of Athlone, and there he found a very run down, four-bedroom home opposite the park on Burwood Street, three blocks south and four streets east of Crawford Station on the Cape Flats line. Next was the business; he needed a shop in a high-density shopping area, an area where Coloured people could legally trade. He figured he needed more than two hundred square metres if it was to contain the retail shopping elements, a gallery, and a workshop for the printing press. That search was much harder. He ran the old Borgward ragged, up and down the main thoroughfares in the Cape Flats: Klipfontein, Thornton, Kromboom and Turf Hall Roads. In the end the logical place was Woodstock; it had the traffic but, perhaps even more importantly, it had the historical link to the Coloured areas of old, the areas in the city under the brooding presence of the mountain. The business premises comprised an old Superette on a corner site on Victoria Road. The beauty of it was the attached residential premises, both above and behind the shop, ample room to have retail spaces, offices, workshop and store rooms. In a funny way, he felt closer to Jessie in that place, less than two hundred metres from where she had died; it would be a reminder of her and of the unfinished work still to be done to heal the inequality in the country. It was also the right place for a business that was to celebrate the uniqueness and humanity of the Coloured people. The money from the sale of Warm had not yet come through so many promises were made. To his surprise he was known to the owners of both premises he wanted to purchase, and his activist status and internment on Robben Island was an added incentive for them to trust him and show patience. Falk threw his energy into the house first, cleaning and scraping, removing old, cracked linoleum floors and painting, plenty of painting. He started with the children’s rooms and, by the time he fetched them towards the end of January, their rooms were finished and furnished. For the week before the children started school, he had three extra pairs of hands, and the house became a family project. It was a time for building unity, the first time they had been under the same roof as their father in nearly four years. When school started it was a wrench but they all had new things to do and they got on with their lives. Falk’s new business was eventually to take three months to open. To keep costs down he did most of the refurbishing himself and he needed time to find second hand equipment. He was in no hurry, happy to spend the time with his children in the afternoons and weekends. In mid-February, Bianca visited him at the business premises. He had not seen her since their nights together in Prince Albert, and would not seek her out, respecting her marriage. It would always be her choice. She called from the front door, the words echoing in the gutted shop. Falk was in the room above but heard clearly and quickly came down the stairs into the shop. She was still standing at the opened doorway, silhouetted against the light behind her, so that he could not see her properly until she stepped further into the room. Bianca was dressed in a floral summer dress, cut short above her knees so that her slim legs gave her a girlish look, an entirely different impression to the low cut bodice which revealed the swell of her breasts. There was a big smile on her face. “My, my, look who’s here. Bunking school?” “School’s out, the kids are boycotting classes again. And hello to you, too.” “Oh jeez, not again. I don’t think I could ever encourage that as a protest action.” “Yes, it’s crazy. And much of the motivation is pure self-indulgence. The gangs have a field day, recruiting new members, selling drugs to bored kids. Horrible. “Anyway, how’s my old boss.” He shrugged his shoulders and showed the paint daubed hands and arms. “As you see me. Working to get this store opened before Easter.” “Would you like some help?” “Of course. Temporary or permanent.” “We’ll see. Let’s do it day by day for now.” “You can’t work in that nice dress. I can lend you an overall. It’ll be big but you can roll the sleeves and pants up.” “No problem, I can work in my bra and pants.” “That will result in very little work being done.” “You think so. Let’s check it out.” Bianca went back to the front door and closed and locked it. Then she stripped off her dress and did not stop there. Falk watched as that perfect body was revealed. It was not his job to protest, but he tried feebly. “I’m full of paint.” “To hell with that. I’ve been waiting for more than a month.” And so they christened the floor of the empty store and it became the first of the many rooms they would christen before the store was ready for opening. When the class protest was over, Bianca went back to the school but by then they both knew that the new store was to be a joint venture. Bianca brought many new ideas and a woman’s intuition to decorating the retail store and the gallery, which was to be a section of the ground floor, partitioned off, and another gallery in the room above, with skylights to provide natural light. The upstairs room was also to become a place for artists to launch their work. But the biggest idea Bianca introduced was that they should become experts at arranging cultural events. He knew that she had the personality and organising skill to pull it off, and it would put them in the centre of the many anti-apartheid movements. Bianca went back to school to resign and see out her notice period. Falk spent days in deliberation for a name for his business. He was emotionally attached to the name Warm, but knew it would not work in a large market the size of Cape Town’s. He needed a name that was memorable and descriptive. In the end he could not get away from the use of the word Mecca and even thought it might have greater appeal to the many Muslim artists and customers for whom it had the connotation of the Haj. One thing he would not do was use a racially defining word in the title. Eventually he settled on Woodstock Artists’ Mecca and the subheadline for print media advertising; Celebrating Original Cape Art and Literature. He would launch the book and stationery store and the gallery first, then follow with the printing business once he broke even. That portion of his business would be marketed under another name when he got to it, hopefully within a year. The Baartman family had plenty to discuss around the dinner table, Tess bubbly about her school, Sarah becoming the cool one now that she was in high school, Haytham still introspective, but beginning to enjoy the camaraderie now that they were together, and he was starting to have success on the athletic fields. The children loved the stories of the developing store, and Falk took them into Woodstock periodically to show them developments on the ground. Bianca felt most keenly her absence from the progress in the store, but she was in daily telephone contact with Falk, counting down the days, and they began to spend some time at the business on the weekends so that she could provide input. Sometimes the children were there, but when they were not the two invariably made love first. They were still in the thrall of sexual desire, something that eventually diminished and was replaced by their business relationship. But the love making never disappeared during the first few years. Periods of heightened emotion, whether positive or negative, always had the effect of either one or both of them wanting the comfort of the other’s body. They became good friends and worked well together, and they both sometimes wondered how the sex thing could fit so easily into their business relationship. Yet, somehow it worked and for that they could count themselves fortunate that there was such a depth of liking for one another. The launch of the Woodstock Artist’s Mecca took place on Friday, March 28, the weekend before Easter. Falk and Bianca had worked hard to get the most prominent artists and writers to attend and exhibit their work. They visited each person, salved egos and eventually assembled an amazing group. Falk had his literary friends Richard Rive and Alan Steed, who came down from Johannesburg, and he visited James Mathews and was delighted that he was prepared to come and to do a reading from his latest book of poetry, No Time For Dreams. Mathews was said to have a flair for disrupting the propriety of gatherings, and Falk hoped he would be at his most outrageous. Bianca tackled the artists and was successful in persuading Peter Clarke to exhibit; his was to be the premier exhibition in the upper gallery, and he brought some interesting works for display, including paintings titled Rusty Cranes and Fisherman and a number of landscapes of the Overberg. Willie Bester was to bring one of his collages, a big piece which would be placed just inside the main door. The idea was to have the launch on the Friday evening, a closed event for invitees only. This comprised a select group of artists and writers and prominent persons involved in the arts: critics, teachers and collectors. Even Cecil Skotnes, who was teaching at the Community Arts Project in a disused church in Woodstock, agreed to attend. The press fell over themselves to send reporters and photographers when they read the list of attendees. The next day, the store and gallery would be opened to the public, and they hoped there would be good press coverage to draw the customers for that week and the Easter weekend that followed. It proved to be a party of note, worth every Rand spent on snacks and wine. Falk did the welcoming, and Bianca wooed the crowds. But after Mathews refused to read from his most recent book of poetry, but read instead from his banned book Cry Rage, and then serenaded them on his penny whistle, everyone wanted to do a reading or tell a story and the two hosts could only watch with deep satisfaction as their guests outdid one another. The commercial success showed itself the next day with the Weekend Argus covering the launch with pictures on page two. All of the other media gave them prominent and positive coverage in the following days. It was to be nearly a year before Falk placed himself in danger again. He threw all of his energy into the lives of his children and the fledgling business and tried to ignore the constant discrimination he faced in everyday life. During that time he satisfied his discontent and frustration with writing the articles he had envisaged on that far off night in the Great Karroo, the articles he had tentatively labelled Letters From The Island. So far, he had written six of them and it was time to find a publication that would accept them and hide his identity. The spur to action also came from the many activists he was meeting through the business and particularly the venture Bianca headed of organising cultural and sporting events, mostly at the City Park Stadium near his home in Crawford. The venue was headquarters to the City and Suburban Rugby Football Union, and they favoured Falk with preferential treatment because of his background in the sport. One such activist and organiser was Johnny Issel. Falk had known of Issel at UWC, and the two would have undoubtedly become friends and co-conspirators if Falk had not been expelled. Ironically, Issel was denied the right to study for an honours degree and also expelled three years later. Falk had learnt of Issel’s numerous bannings and of the torture he had suffered in Pretoria Central prison when he was detained in 1974. They met to discuss the printing of the newly formed Grassroots monthly newspaper, for which Issel was the chief organiser. The security police were harassing the civic, youth and women’s organisations involved with the newspaper, and one outcome of their bullying tactics was that no White firm would print the newspaper. For Falk, it was a boon to his printing business, only three months old at the time, and struggling to get commissions which offered decent print runs. Issel was a vibrant man. You could feel the energy and his desire to lead, and the spiritual presence was backed up by a large head with unruly, bushy hair and full moustache. “Hey, Falk, I remember you. You were a hero in those days.” Falk could not help himself. “And today?” “Hey, man, you and I’ve been around the block. But you had it good. Pollsmoor for a few days, then the kindergarten on the island. Me I was a guest of the boere in Pollsmoor, Victor Verster, Athlone, Kensington and that shithole in Pretoria.” “I know. You’ve had a tough time, Johnny.” “Ja, man, but we soldier on. We’re going to win this war. What’s a sacrifice here or there?” Falk found Issel’s optimism infectious. He looked forward to getting to know him better and working with him. “So, show me around, Falk. And introduce me to that glorious lady over there.” Bianca heard the conversation, had been listening in, and came over. “Hello, Johnny. I’m Bianca Raubenheimer, Falk’s partner.” “Ja, I’ve heard of you. They tell me you did a super job of that Volk festival at the City.” “Thank you.” Falk watched bemused as the two sparked off each other. Johnny had a reputation as a man for the ladies, and he could see why. He was the sort of person people found attractive and wanted to be associated with. But Falk knew Bianca would not take it further; she had a strong sense of loyalty to the two men in her life, both of whom she admired and one of whom was her friend and lover. The meeting resulted in a contract to print Grassroots and brought Wynand van der Spuy, head of the Security Branch of the Western Cape, back into Falk’s life. Unfortunately, Van der Spuy chose to terrorise Falk’s children at the same time and came to his house one evening so that they could witness the arrest. Falk answered the door. “Ja, Hot’not, up to your tricks again.” Van der Spuy was a big man, but Falk was bigger and he moved forward to stand chest to chest with him. “What do you want, policeman?” “You come with us, jong.” Falk noticed the other two men with Van der Spuy and by then he also felt the presence of his children standing behind him in the passage. He turned to them. “I might be away for a while, guys. Sarah you know what to do. Phone Bianca.” “I will Dad. Don’t worry about us.” They were brave words, but he could see the emotion and fear in her eyes. “Good girl. Haytham, be strong for her, son.” The boy could only nod, his eyes brimming with tears. They took him to Athlone and played their old tricks, leaving him for several hours before they interrogated him. He tried to remain optimistic; this was just harassment over the printing of Grassroots. But it was not that easy to maintain that attitude. This was the Station where they had beaten him up and these were the police who had tortured him and could seemingly flaunt the law without repercussion. Fortunately, it was only to harass. They interviewed and humiliated him for several hours and then released him. This time there was noone waiting for him, and he walked the several kilometres back to his house where he found Bianca and her husband with the children. Once again the unnecessary and extreme behaviour of the authorities was to incite him to action. He would write to his English publishers and get the Island articles into print. And he would seek every opportunity to help the many anti-apartheid organisations, become one of their main printers, and help with the organisation of protests. There was another unintended action that was to arise from that night; Haytham made the decision to move from Bishops. He could no longer attend a White school which represented the society that allowed the police to threaten his father. He would go to Trafalgar the following year. 2. They were such simple words. Not even the man who uttered them could have predicted the reaction to them. All he asked for was a united front against the proposed Tricameral Parliament. The event was a conference in Johannesburg to organise resistance to the government-proposed constitutional changes which would allow the ruling Nationalist Party to change parliament. The Tricameral Parliament they advocated would add two additional houses to represent the Coloured and Indian populations. A referendum was to be held amongst White voters later that year. The date was the 23rd of January 1983, and the speaker was Dr Allan Boesak. He suggested a united front should be formed to pull together all of the anti-apartheid groups: churches, civic associations, trade unions, student organisations and sporting bodies to oppose what they called the sham apartheid constitutional proposals. The reaction was electric and spontaneous. They formed a committee to discuss the idea and report back the next day. The deliberations of that committee were stormy, but there was sufficient common ground to agree some general principles. It had to be a non-racial movement and it would not allow groups working with government to join; these included homeland structures and bodies that broke sport and cultural boycotts. It was those general principles that captivated Falk when Johnny Issel came to visit him to discuss the fledgling movement and his ambition to have the Cape host the inaugural conference. Falk’s first reaction was amazement that the often conflicting antiapartheid groups were prepared to amalgamate. “Didn’t some of the groups balk against it?” he asked. “Ja, there was quite a lot of buggering around in the beginning. But we got it done, man. In the end I think everyone realised we had no chance unless we stood together.” “Do you think it’ll hold?” “Ja, I think so, but we have to move quickly. Let’s talk about a plan of action.” Falk still had too many questions. “Sorry, Johnny, but if we are to keep it going I’d like to know where you think the resistance might come from. Where are the cracks?” “Ja, there are cracks, but not so much really. At first there was a concern that it would seem like the churches were leading the drive. That was just the normal turf fight bullshit. When it came down to real issues, it was maybe the trade union guys who had the most concern. They thought the movement would compromise their main task of worker betterment. But I think they’ll be okay. They know we need to defeat apartheid first. “And we need them badly. They’ve got more than a million members and they know how to organise. “Look Falk, I need your help. The first thing we’ve got to do is organise a regional committee. I’m going to use the Grassroots structures as the base, because most of the civic associations and some of the church and sporting groups are already in there.” “Are you sure? It seems to me Grassroots is mostly concerned with bread and butter issues. The Black groups could feel left out. Also maybe the trade unions.” “Ja, that’s why I want you, man. We need to persuade them. Can you write something for us? Something that explains the objectives. Why it’s so important for us to do this together. Maybe a couple of pages, just the important stuff. If we print that up we can get it to all the groups before the meeting so that they’re prepared.” “Sure, I can do that.” “And print it? Maybe two thousand of them.” “Yes. But I need to spend more time with you to get your ideas.” “That’s okay but I can’t do it now. Can you come to my place tonight around six, bring Bianca with you, and some idea of the cost.” “The cost will be nothing Johnny. We all need to play our part. This is my small bit.” “Good, we’re going to need plenty of sponsors, specially if we can persuade them to let us have the inaugural meeting. Tell Bianca that’s why we need her tonight. Start the ideas rolling for the launch.” The Western Cape regional committee was the last to be formed and just in time for the national meeting to be held in July to decide on the launch. Johnny Issel and Trevor Manuel were elected to represent the Province. On the third day after the contingent left by plane for Johannesburg, Johnny phoned Falk at four thirty in the morning. His voice was hoarse but triumphant. “The game’s on my boy.” “Yes?” “Is that all you can say? Yes?” “I’m hardly awake here, Johnny.” “Well wake up then, there’s work to be done. We’ve won, Falk. We’ve got the launch in Cape Town.” That got Falk’s attention. “You’re kidding. You persuaded them, despite them telling us it would never happen here because of our disunity.” Johnny could not help bragging a little. “I kept them going until the early hours of the morning. Most of them fell asleep, including Trevor. But I got them to see reason. The other venues are too contentious. The Black Consciousness movement was seen as too elitist and the general feeling was that the Indian Congress is a racist structure. So that left us. I promised to personally work full time on the launch.” “Congratulations, Johnny. When is the launch?” “Twentieth of August.” “You’re joking. This year?” “Ja, of course. We decided we have to do it before the constitutional referendum.” “That gives us a month, Johnny. We’ve got to choose a venue, publicise it, choose speakers, thousands of things.” “That’s why I’m phoning you, Falk. We need to get moving. I’m phoning some of the Grassroots groups, and they’ll call our first organising committee. I want you and Bianca on it, Falk. You guys know about venues and by-laws and those things. I also need to get all the groups into the organising committee. We need their buy-in. That pamphlet of yours worked well, and you got to know some of the Black and White groups. Can you start calling them?” “I met some of the Black groups, Johnny. I don’t know about the White groups.” “Do what you can. I must phone others now. Do your best, Falk, this is important.” He rang off without a goodbye. Falk phoned Bianca’s number and Daan answered. “Good news, Daan. The UDF launch is to be held here, in Cape Town. Can I speak to Bianca?” “That’s terrific news, Falk, but are you sure you want to incur Bianca’s wrath, waking her now?” Falk laughed. Bianca’s dislike of being woken early was well known to both men. Falk had a guilty moment, remembering some of the times that Daan knew nothing about; his admiration for Bianca’s husband had been working on him lately, and he and his partner had not made love for months. “I’ll take a chance.” Bianca was even more blunt than predicted. “This better be fucking good, Falk.” “My, my, such words for a lady.” “I become a lady at ten in the morning. Right now I’m the fucking witch. What’s up?” “We got the launch, Bianca.” “Shit. You’re kidding.” “No.” “Wow. That’s amazing. Okay, what next.” “The Grassroots people are getting together everyone we need to form an organising committee. We’ll be part of it, you and I. Did you complete that list of potential venues?” “Of course. When is the event planned for?” “August twenty.” “Bullshit, Falk. You can’t be serious.” “I’m afraid so.” “They have no idea what needs to be done. Bloody idealists. Well I’m ready for that first meeting.” “Good. One other thing. Johnny wants to get as many Black and White groups on the organising committee as we can. It’s important that they feel a part of it. I don’t know many of the White groups. Can Daan help?” “I’m sure he’d be delighted to. Justice For All has entre to many of the White groups. I’m sure Isa will throw her weight into it.” When he put the phone down, Falk went through into the lounge and stared at the mountain, just receiving the first rays of light. What if Isa came to that first meeting? The organising committee meeting was held in a school hall in Belgravia. Falk arrived early to distribute a paper with suggestions he and Bianca had worked on regarding launch venues and publicity. Already deal tables had been put out and a high table erected on the stage. Behind it was a colourful red, orange and black UDF banner with the slogan they had decided in Johannesburg, to be ratified at the inaugural meeting: UDF UNITES, APARTHEID DIVIDES. There was a manic mood in the hall, activists not knowing what to do once the basics for the meeting were completed, talking loudly to one another with many hand gestures. It did nothing for Falk’s attempt to stay calm, knowing that he might see Isa that night. He had not seen her for sixteen years, not since they were both in their twentieth year. Falk sat at a side table from where he could see the main door. She came early, with Bianca and Daan Raubenheimer. From afar, she looked the same and he stood and they saw him and made their way towards him through the many tables. Closer, he could see the changes wrought by time. If anything, she was slimmer than before. Her hair was cut short and still shone like spun gold. She wore jeans and a black jersey, quite chic. Her face had fine lines around the eyes and mouth now, smile lines he decided. It seemed as if no time had passed; that beautiful intelligent face was as he remembered. So too was the weak feeling he had in his core. She stopped a metre from him. “It’s been sixteen years, Falkie.” “Four months short of sixteen, Isa.” “So we’re arguing already?” She said it with her first smile and he had been right, they were smile lines. Falk felt extremely awkward with Bianca and her husband present. He was in the company of the woman he had loved since that day at the little school in the valley, when Frans Malherbe had told him Isa was beautiful and his feelings had crystallised; in the company of both the woman he loved and the woman who was his business and sex partner and his best friend. Bianca recognised his predicament. “Excuse us, I need to check on the arrangements.” They were alone. Neither spoke for a long moment. She broke the impasse. “You’re looking good, Falkie. No sign of the horrible time you must have had on the island.” “It’s been over three years since that time Isa, and my children keep me young. Let me return the compliment; time has passed you by with remarkable ease. Maturity suits you; still beautiful.” “The wordsmith has been practising.” He laughed. “Since the time I realised you might be at this meeting I’ve been in a sweat to think of the right things to say.” “Don’t sweat it. Now that we’ve met again, we have lots of time.” He tried to think of the implication of those words. “I’ve been following your progress Falk.” “I know, Bianca told me.” “That was extremely generous of her. She loves you, you know.” “Yes, and she also loves her husband.” Isa was about to say something, and then changed her mind. He saw it. “You can say it Isa.” “Alright, I will. Would it make a difference if she did not love her husband?” “No. We’re friends Bianca and I, friends and partners. We decided early on that we would keep our relationship on that plane.” “I think it was you who decided, Falk.” “Maybe. I heard you were married for a while.” “Yes, a brief while.” The return of Bianca and Daan put a stop to their awkward first conversation. Bianca spoke. “The meeting’s about to start. Johnny’s not here, Falk. He’s afraid they will imprison him after he broke his banning order to go to Jo’burg. Trevor will run the meeting. Anyway, shall we all sit together here?” Falk hardly took in the proceedings of the meeting. Sitting next to him, her arms almost touching his on the table, was the first woman he had ever loved, and he was acutely conscious of her aura and the faint scent of the perfume she used. They decided many things that night: two venues were to be considered, Good Hope Centre and the Rocklands community hall, the types of publicity needed, heavy emphasis on graffiti, the principal members of the organising committee, and accommodation for the incoming delegates. Someone even came up with a marvellous idea for radio publicity; a local station would announce the date and venue with Bob Marley’s song Buffalo Soldier as background music. The song was popular at the time, and seen as a struggle song: There was a buffalo soldier, in the heart of America Stolen from Africa, brought to America Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival When they left it was almost midnight. There was so much to be said, but the time was not right. Isa had the last word. “Let’s keep in touch, Falkie.” He had no intention of doing anything other than that. In a sane society he would have invited her for a drink, or to his home, but both knew that they would be special targets for the police, hoping to catch high profile activists committing an offence under the Immorality Act. They met on three further occasions before the historic inaugural meeting, each time with others present. The desire from both to have the privacy to explore their relationship was palpable. 3. There was an air of expectancy on that cold Saturday morning, the day of the inaugural meeting of the UDF. Members of the organising committee were there before dawn, applying the finishing touches. The marquee had been erected the previous day and the video and audio feeds were now being installed, the faint tones of Buffalo Soldier evidence of the presence of the technicians. Falk came early too, his task to organise the marshalling of the expected multitude. It was to be a military-style operation, no illdiscipline allowed in this showpiece of opposition; the eyes of the world would be upon them, expecting a rabble. It was a chance to prove them wrong. The preparation had been brutal, including a last minute scare regarding permission to erect the huge tent. The local council only agreed at the eleventh hour, thus avoiding the likelihood of the meeting being shut down by the police, who would have gleefully invoked the law that no mass political rallies could be held in the open. Falk climbed the steps to the level of the hall and stopped then, gazing back at the huge tent and, beyond it, flat land with islands of vegetated dunes. He thought of the event that was to take place that day. Delegates from hundreds of organisations throughout the country were descending on Mitchel’s Plain, more than five hundred of them, most already affiliated to the new movement. They had been coming for days by car and bus down the N1 from the north and along the N2 from the coastal provinces. And some had come by rail and plane. Along the main highways, Citizen Band clubs from Heideveld and Kensington had posted themselves to help out of town delegates with directions. For weeks, radio broadcasts had announced the meeting until Bob Marley’s song was on everyone’s lips. Along the main thoroughfares in the Coloured and Black areas graffiti colourfully daubed precast concrete walls, slogans of the UDF, date and venue of the meeting. Thousands of pamphlets had been distributed in stores and at road intersections and taxi parking ranks. Despite all the difficulties, and the days of working late into the night, they were ready. Now it needed the people and the inspiration of the speakers. Falk set up his control centre in the library, where there were telephones. He was to be the principal contact with the outside world, mainly with Johnny Issel, who again could not attend because of his banning order, but who was monitoring the movement of the police with the help of informers. Falk’s army began drifting in to receive their identifying T-shirts and last minute instructions. Falk had recruited his men, sixty of them, from the rugby clubs. They were to be stationed in pairs around the main square and in force around the hall; others were to act as traffic regulators on the main streets leading to the venue, while still others would be in the hall and the marque. Their instructions were to remove troublemakers and identified police informers; to keep it cheerful but controlled. Their work would be cut out for them later that afternoon and evening when the serious drinkers came by for entertainment. He was so embroiled in his tasks that he did not notice the passing of time. Bianca stuck her head into his office and told him the conference of delegates was about to begin, and he went and stood outside the hall so that he could hear the opening speech on the loud speaker system. Isa came past, hurrying to get into the hall before it started, but she stopped when she saw him and came to greet him. “It’s finally arrived, Falkie. You must be so proud.” “Me?” “Yes, you.” “I’m just the policeman here, Isa.” “You’re the power behind the throne, Falkie. You should hear how highly people speak of you. You are very much admired.” With those few words she hurried off and had only just disappeared into the hall when the serious voice of Frank Chikane came over the loudspeakers, opening the conference of delegates. Almost immediately there was a crisis. Johnny Issel was on the phone. The police were going to dispute the approval for the tent and break up the meeting on the basis that it was an illegal gathering. A convoy of police vehicles was on the way. Falk pushed roughly into the hall and saw where Bianca was sitting. People were startled by his rude passage through the audience to her side. “The boere are coming, Bianca, a whole convoy. Get Daan to gather as many lawyers as he can and the documents of approval for the marque. Meet me outside.” Daan brought seven lawyers, including Isa. Falk told them what he knew and then led them to the outside of the square where the police convoy would have to enter and where he had stationed the bulk of his men, telling them to control their anger, to be disciplined and strong. He was not happy to have Isa at the forefront of the receiving committee, but knew her presence and the colour of her skin would be an effective foil. Falk stood before his small delegation and it was he who waved the first vehicle down. A police captain alighted his vehicle and came forward. “More Kaptein, kan ons u hulp?” The words were so commonplace and polite, greeting in his language, asking if they could help, that the policeman was taken aback. But he recovered. “This is an illegal gathering.” “Why so, Captain?” “It is illegal to have a political gathering in the open.” “But it’s not in the open, as you can see for yourself.” “You do not have permission to erect that tent.” “You are misinformed, Captain. I have here the lawyers who obtained the permission.” He called forward Daan and Isa, who had been the ones who had negotiated with the local authorities and had finally received written permission to erect the marque. Falk could see that the police captain was uncomfortable negotiating with a beautiful and intelligent White woman. He was required to show restraint and consider the evidence, but he clearly had his orders and would not accept the documents at face value. He went back to his vehicle to talk to his superiors on the radio; it would not be his decision. In the meantime, the police had left their vehicles and stood ominously with their weapons at the alert. Falk watched his people, proud to see that they remained calm and stood in a solid phalanx, big men, their faces and demeanour serious. The captain came back. “This paper is a farce. We have it on good authority that the approval was not given. Whose signature is this?” Isa answered. “She is the designated signatory for this local authority Captain.” Falk interjected. “She’s here, at the meeting. I saw her earlier. We’ll fetch her.” He singled out one of his men and told him to tell Bianca to find the woman councillor and bring her. There was an awkward wait. The policeman more uncomfortable than Falk and his entourage of lawyers. He, after all, had been told to break up the meeting by whatever means, and he was being side-tracked. Eventually, with the aid of the woman councillor and numerous radio calls to his superiors, the policeman admitted defeat and the convoy returned to the city. When the lawyers and the woman councillor returned to the hall, Falk heard the great cheer as the delegates were obviously told of the cessation of the threat. From that moment forward, the gathering became the motivating force they had all hoped for, cementing ideals and objectives, inspiring all with the hope of progress towards the demise of apartheid. Outside the hall, the crowds gathered until they estimated there were more than ten thousand. For many who were not activists, it was amazing to hear their leaders speak out so publicly against the hated regime and the laws that made their everyday existence so difficult and demeaning. Falk was as inspired as any in the audience, his dream of a nation which regarded all people as equals being spoken of by speaker after speaker. The organisers had cleverly decided that Johnny Issel’s six year old daughter would speak for him, and she made a huge impression, the innocence of a child in some ways more telling than the clever words of an adult. Allan Boesak was the keynote speaker and Falk stationed himself just inside the doors of the hall, keen to see as well as hear. Boesak was passionate, using memorable phrases. “The fear of the gun is always overcome by the longing for freedom,” he proclaimed. Much of his speech was taken up with providing arguments against positions taken by some of the groups, for example the argument that Whites should not be included in the movement as they were the oppressors. Boesak spoke of the courage to the point of death that many Whites had shown against the regime, and he thanked and praised those Whites in the audience, enjoining all to remain allies, despite the bigotry of some. “So, for the sake of the country and our children, whether you be White or Black, resist these people, whether they are White or Black.” Boesak’s last words were about the struggle anthem, Nkosi Silelel’ iAfrika and his hope that one day it would be the anthem of all in the nation, not just the oppressed. “We shall sing it on the day when our children shall no longer be judged by the colour of their skin but by the humanness of their character.” In the early evening Isa found Falk. “It’s a time of renewal, Falk. Should it not be a time of renewal for us?” He knew exactly what she meant for he had been wondering how to approach her, his only restraint an old, but not forgotten, memory. “Do you remember that time when we sat on the park bench in Oudtshoorn and I kissed you on the breast?” “Of course. I regretted my reaction for many days. Longer than that really, until today, I suppose. Did my rejection mean so much?” “I chastised myself for abusing your trust. I didn’t understand your reaction.” “Do you understand it today?” “Help me.” “I did not have the family you had in the valley, Falk. I hated my circumstances there, and decided I would never return. There was a big obstacle to that: my feelings for you. I was afraid that if I allowed those feelings to be seen by you, it would be the end of my independence.” He could not help wondering what might have happened had her reaction been different. All the subsequent events: the affair with Pauline, being expelled, the years in Prince Albert. It was too much to think fate could have dealt him a completely different hand. Then he thought of his children, and Jessie, and his equilibrium was restored. It was finished, and now there was this promise, the promise of today. She had been watching him closely. He verbalised his thoughts. “It’s in the past, Isa. We have to deal with what we have today. No regrets. I never stopped loving you.” “Nor I you.” There were tears in the eyes of both and they stood like statues as others thronged around them. “We need to be go somewhere, just the two of us” he said. “Yes.” The place was a hotel at the bottom of De Waal Drive, near the entrance to the gardens. He phoned and made a booking for the night under an assumed name. She would go to her flat in Tamboerskloof and come to him when he had booked in and had a room number for her. They both regretted the clandestine nature of the tryst, but there was no other way they could do it safely, both of their homes likely targets for surveillance. And the regret was relegated to a very distant second in the breathless anticipation. Falk went to his home first, to apologise to his children that he would be out for the rest of the night. They were disappointed, wanting him to tell the story of the day. He promised them that the next day, Sunday, they would have the day together, braai in the back yard and he would tell them all. He packed a small bag and took a bottle of dry white wine from the fridge. When he phoned her from the hotel room she was hesitant. “Is this the right thing Falk?” “I’m here Isa, you must answer that question yourself.” “I know, I’m sorry. I want this more than the world, but the penalty of being caught appals me. It would be the end of my life.” He wanted to persuade her, but did not want to apply pressure. He wanted to tell her that she was no longer alone, that it would be something they would both fight if it came to prosecution, but he knew that there was no societal stigma for him, only for her, the White woman who had all to lose: her reputation, her personal persona, and her profession. Eventually he had to say something, he had to declare himself. “Isa, I love you. I have done so since we were children in the valley. This thing standing between us and the fulfilment of our promise is manmade, not a thing of God, not to be ashamed of. I won’t say more. I will sleep here tonight. If you can join me, it will be the start of something new. No, let me correct that. It would not be something new, it would be the completion of something we started nearly thirty years ago.” She came within the hour, gave a strong knock at the door and let herself boldly into the room when he opened it. “That was so silly of me. I’ve wanted this forever. Let’s just make love, Falkie. We can talk all night after that.” They kissed for the first time and it was strangely familiar, as if their desires had anticipated the touch of the lips, the soft fullness of the kiss. He undressed her first, his fingers not expert, and she helped him when he stumbled, and then she was naked before him and he was astounded at the emotion he felt when he looked on that body for the first time. There was much more at work than lust, a lifetime of dreams exposed. His disrobing was much quicker, only two items, and their behaviour was strange as they stood apart looking at each other trying not to be rude but enjoying all they saw. “You’ve kept your body, Falkie, quite a man.” He did not want to talk and he moved forward and held her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes, became lost in them as their bodies responded and they touched and explored those most intimate places that they had only imagined. They were no longer children in the valley, or teenagers at high school, but the love making was as if they were back in those far-off days, starting afresh, and the fervour of their orgasms was not just of the flesh, but an emotional act of confirmation of the importance of their union, more profound than any custom of betrothal. The Ezulweni valley in Swaziland is among the most beautiful places in southern Africa and there are three hotels there, a cluster around the Spa, that deserve the designation of resort. It was March of 1984, and Isa and Falk had found two weeks to spend with each other without the fear of discovery and the furtive nights of deception. It took fully three days before it sunk in that they could be themselves. They went for long walks through the equestrian centre alongside their hotel and around the golf course across the road, and they loafed around the pool and they made love in their room at all times of the day and night. Apart from the lovemaking, which remained almost soulful in its intensity, the best part of the holiday was the anonymity they felt when they visited shops in Mbabane and went to restaurants and nightclubs. When he drove her to Matsapha Airport for her flight to Johannesburg and onwards to Cape Town, they had a feeling of loss that left them bereft of the words of farewell. Both wondered when, if ever, they would again enjoy the freedom of movement and the sheer joy of living and loving together. There was a consequence of the holiday in Swaziland and Isa came to the store on a Tuesday morning two months later to tell him. It seemed she cared not who heard or that they were together in a public place, as there were a number of customers and Bianca in the downstairs store. He had never seen her so excited. “Oh, Falkie, I’m pregnant. I never thought I’d have a child, I thought my chances had gone, but they haven’t. I’m pregnant with our child.” He was glad when he reflected on his reaction later that it had also been one of joy. He could easily have thought of some of the negative consequences, the difficult of bringing up a Coloured child, the cost, the effect on their relationship. Instead, he had thought only of the wonder of it; he and his childhood sweetheart with the chance to have a child together in their late thirties. He embraced her, kissing her hair, feeling jubilant and young. He was not foolish enough to announce the news to all who could hear, but he nearly did when he saw the smile on Bianca’s lips. He took Isa to the office he shared with his partner, and he asked the inevitable question. “So what do we do?” “I don’t care, Falkie. I so wanted to fulfil my life with a child that I almost turned to a man I did not love. This is so different, so wonderful, that I’ve found love again and now I’m pregnant. The child will be born out of love. “Okay, I know I’m gushing. Your question’s legitimate and I’ve thought about some of the difficulties, and they don’t matter. But let’s for the moment discuss them. Our child will be born in December, the Christmas month. I’ll have to stop working before then and I’ll take time off, maybe six months. I can work from home. It might be the best half year of my life. “I know, I know, I’m not talking about us. I think your children should know, but we can’t be together until they repeal the Immorality Act. And don’t despair of that, it’s going to happen. There is much talk about it in legal circles, some liberal Afrikaners feel guilt at the treatment of the Coloured people and want to rectify the situation. It will happen, Falk, but until it does we will have to live separate lives. The alternative is to leave the country, and I don’t think you want that, not with your commitment to the UDF.” “No, I don’t want that, but I do want my children to meet you and get a chance to know you before the baby is born. Why don’t we do that this weekend?” They agreed to meet on the Greenpoint Commonage on that Sunday morning. Falk told his children that night. He told them almost the whole story, and it was the first time they’d heard intimate details about the valley and schooling at Oudtshoorn and his academic and sporting achievements. He left out the parts that could hurt Haytham, but his story was mostly about a girl called Isa Erasmus, so that by the time he had finished they were enchanted by the story and hoped one day to meet her. And then he told them about the marvel of meeting Isa again and the love they had for one another and that she had fallen pregnant. The girls were enthralled, Haytham sceptical and full of questions. “So that’s where you went for two weeks. You told us it was business.” “Yes, I did son, and I’m sorry I lied to you. If it wasn’t for this pregnancy, I still wouldn’t tell you about Isa. You know what we’re doing is illegal in this country. I had no right to put her in danger by talking about it.” “So what’s changed, Dad?” “The wonder of the child, Haytham. They can’t prove it’s my child, and Isa and I will have to live apart so they can’t prosecute us as they’ll have no proof. But their law is unjust, son, and they’re now even talking about scrapping it. I decided to tell the three of you because in a natural world you would want to know all about it, would want to know a woman I love and would want to know that you might have a new brother or sister. “Am I right?” They all nodded sombrely, quite taken with the drama of the moment. “So we have a family secret and we must keep it that way. Would you like to meet Isa this Sunday?” 4. The mid-decade year 1985 started so well that they could be forgiven for believing a new and more just world was within their grasp. The good news started in December of the year before, with the birth of a son to Isa and Falk, whom they named Isaac, a name that resonated in the Baartman family and was a play on the mother’s name. Falk could not be present at the nursing home, but his representative was none other than his mother Stephanie, who had been so delighted to hear of the impending birth to her son and her favourite girl, her daughter almost, that she had talked her husband Paul into letting her go to Cape Town for the entire month of December to stay with Isa. They did not inform Isa’s remaining parent, her father, who was said to be so drunk by ten in the morning that he could no longer be relied upon to make alcohol that would not kill you. Isa and Isaac left the nursing home two days later and returned to the flat in Tamboerskloof, where Falk clandestinely visited them in the early hours of the morning. Stephanie stayed on to help where she could, and the two of them and the baby took a taxi to the house in Burwood Street on Christmas day, there to be met by a home bedecked with Christmas decorations and three siblings wildly excited about the new addition to the family. And there was another surprise: Stephanie’s husband Paul, who had been telephoned by Falk and invited to drive through in time for the lunch and to stay the night. The news that filled 1985 with such promise came in a telephone call to Falk at his store in the third week of January. “Falkie, I have such wonderful news for us.” “What?” “No, I can’t tell you on the phone. You must come to the flat.” “In broad daylight.” “Yes, yes, that’s part of it.” “No hint, Isa.” “Come, Falkie, come quickly.” It was strange to walk through the security gates at the block of flats in the daylight, to be potentially seen by residents of that place from the windows of the ground floor apartments and the balconies on the second and third floors. His previous visits, so few of them, had been under the cloak of darkness. When she let him in, tense with her news, he stopped her. “Let me see our son first.” He picked the little boy up, still awkward with the action of cradling his head, and gazed into the blue round eyes, which in turn gazed back at him with the innocence of a soul still to be filled with the wonders of the world. As always, he felt the profound love he had for this small child, the fulfilment of his own childhood ambitions. “Okay, I’m ready for this news which is so great that you’ve thrown caution to the wind.” “We can live as man and wife,” she said simply, no more drama in her voice as she had been humbled and made patient by the scene she had just witnessed: father and son connecting without words. “What on earth do you mean?” “They’re going to repeal parts of the Immorality and Mixed Marriages Act, Falkie. They’re tabling the amendments this parliamentary session.” “Good God, Isa. It’s starting to happen! How wonderful.” “Yes, it’s the start. It means they are responding to the pressure.” “Will this repeal be passed?” “Oh yes, everyone’s sure.” “And when will it go through, when can we be free to be together?” “It will probably become law by the middle of the year, but we don’t need to wait. They’re not going to prosecute any more, Falkie. They’ve given instructions to the prosecuting authority to halt all prosecutions under the act and to not accept any new cases.” “That sounds fantastic, but isn’t there still a risk?” “You can always have a rogue policeman, Falk. You know what some of them are like. But they’ll get no support; they might harass, but we can handle that.” It was the most unexpected and wonderful news. He could not even fully grasp what it would mean to them. She interrupted his reverie. “So what do you need to ask me now, Falkie?” The change of direction confused him. “I don’t know. What?” “Isn’t this where you ask me to marry you and come to live with you?” The Baartman household became complete. To Sarah, starting her first year at the University of Cape Town, studying law like her mother before her, and to Tess, now in her second year of high school, having Isaac in the house was a joy that they embraced with all of the wonder and practice of trainee mothers. Tess would eventually have to share her room with Isaac, but she welcomed the move, which would take place once the boy started sleeping through the night. Haytham was relieved of the burden of being the only son, expected by his father to measure up to what he, Haytham, believed to be impossibly high standards. He was also smitten with Isa, who became his protector. All three of the older children believed that Isa would save their father from a further sentence in jail. They had worried at the fervour of the way their father had embraced the aims of the UDF and become a key supplier and organiser. Falk had never accepted a position of leadership in the organisation, preferring not to accept the prominence it entailed out of both inclination and a sense of responsibility towards his children. The children knew that their father behaved in a manner which took them into consideration, but felt Isa would further strengthen his resolve to stay out of the limelight. Haytham had no such sentiments about his own behaviour. The night the Security Police had taken his father away had never been forgotten. He believed he had been deprived of his mother because of her reclassification; it was the excuse he gave her for abandoning him. All of these repressed feelings of hatred for the regime came to the fore in the political hothouse that was Trafalgar School. They knew for weeks that the repeal of the sections of the Immorality and Mixed Marriages Act which referred to interracial sex and marriage was going to be ratified in Parliament on Monday, the 17th of June, and would come into force two days later, on the Wednesday, and they wanted to get married on that date, as a form of protest. It would go by without much notice in the community, but it meant a lot to them, required as they had been to behave like criminals to be with one another. There was a Methodist Church in Barcombe Street, just down the road from where Falk had lived in Brandon, and which he knew from the outside because he had often walked that way with Haytham when the boy was still a toddler. Callie and Meisie Hendricks occasionally attended the church, and they introduced Falk and Isa to the pastor, who was delighted to be able to cock a snoot at the government and marry them on the day they became legal. The ceremony was small. Apart from the family, only the Hendricks, Raubenheimer and Stephanie and Paul were invited. Small as the wedding was, it was the highpoint of their year and things began to go downhill rapidly after that. By the middle of 1985, some of the more radical groups affiliated to the UDF, particularly the student and youth groups, were becoming frustrated at the slow pace of action. They wanted more than the consumer boycotts. They wanted to live the objective of making the townships ungovernable. Incidents of the stoning of government vehicles became the norm in the townships, mainly by schoolchildren on a completely random basis. Council buildings and the persons who occupied them, either elected or permanent, became soft targets. Anger and frustration led to persons seen to be collaborating with the government being beaten and even killed, some with the hated necklace method of placing a tyre around the person’s neck, filling it with petrol, and setting it alight. The violence was not just against pro-government targets. There was also sectarian violence, particularly in Natal, where the Inkatha Freedom Party, which embraced the homeland policy, turned against the UDF/ANC structures, creating an opportunity for the security police to further incite Black on Black murder and mayhem. The government of State President P.W. Botha declared a state of emergency in many magisterial districts in the Eastern Cape and the Pretoria, Johannesburg and Vereeniging areas in June 1985, giving themselves the licence to act with impunity by detaining antiapartheid leaders, stopping protests with maximum violence and muzzling the press. The state of emergency was extended to the Western Cape three months later, but even without official sanction, the mind-set of the police and defence forces had already become locked into aggressive and brutal action without consideration for human rights. Fight fire with fire was the mentality of the leadership and the troops on the ground. In July 1985, Botha offered to free Nelson Mandela if he agreed to renounce the use of violence. He refused. The conditional terms of the offer incensed the Western Cape UDF leadership, and Allan Boesak organised a march from Athlone Stadium to Pollsmoor Prison to demand the unconditional release of Mandela. It was planned as a peaceful march, to take place on Wednesday, the 28th of August. Two days before the march, Haytham raised the subject at dinner. “Dad, our whole class is going to join the march on Wednesday.” “On a school day?” “Yes, Dad, our teachers are also joining. They say we have to support the cause to free Nelson.” “I’m not sure it’s a good idea, son.” “Why, Dad?” “The police are very nervous and aggressive at the moment. I think they are close to extending the State of Emergency to the Western Cape because of all the stoning of vehicles and burning of municipal buildings taking place. I’m pretty sure they’ll block the march. There could be violence.” Haytham was not to be deterred. “What do you think, Isa?” “Your dad might be right. Maybe it’s not such a good idea to take a chance.” “But that’s hypocritical,” argued Haytham. “Are we saying others can take a chance, but not us, like we’re something special?” Falk had to concede that his son had a point. Allan Boesak would be leading the march, as well as many other clerics and anti-apartheid leaders. He knew he should also be there, in the vanguard, leading by example. “Yes, you have a point, Haytham. You can go on one condition: you march with me.” “That’s a deal, Dad. I’d like to march with you.” “What about us?” asked Tess. Falk looked at Isa, a silent plea for her to get involved in declining the request. “Let’s let the men take this one, Tess.” Sarah supported Isa. “I don’t want to go. Dad’s right, there will be violence. I’m afraid for him and Haytham. Why did you raise it, Hay? What will you say if Dad is hurt?” The matter was decided: the men would represent the family. The crowds started gathering early at Athlone Stadium that Wednesday morning. Falk was dismayed to see the huge police presence on the streets around the stadium. It looked like they would try to stop the march before it gathered momentum. There were many older people among the hundreds in the stadium, but it was mostly made up of younger people, boys and girls, a volatile mix. And there was an air of nervousness and anger; they had seen the armoured vehicles and riot police. Most of the marchers were carrying provisions. It was a long way to Tokai, where Pollsmoor Prison was located. Eventually, when it seemed no new protesters were entering the stadium, a marshal with a bullhorn gave the last instructions. It was to be a peaceful march: no provoking of the police; no charging a barrier; other ways would be sought. They were to remain calm and orderly. The crowd began to move through the stadium gates and into Klipfontein Road, the leaders with banners at the front. Immediately there was a problem. The police were a solid phalanx across the road, less than a hundred metres away, vehicles and riot police with weapons at the ready, including the bulbous tear gas canister launchers. The leaders turned down a small side street into the suburb of Belgravia, but the road was so narrow that not more than eight or nine could walk abreast. It would take hours to travel that route and the marchers in the second and subsequent ranks found themselves becalmed in Klipfontein Road. There was no warning. Suddenly there was the belching sound of the tear gas launchers, and canisters were arching through the air and bouncing on the road before them, already hissing with the clouds of white gas escaping into the air. Consternation reigned as the marchers tried to escape the clouds of burning gas, running into clear areas, trying to push their way back along Klipfontein Road and into the stadium, with no consideration for the weaker among them. Falk and Haytham found themselves, by the accident of the movement of people, in the front row facing the police. Some young men ran forward to retrieve the canisters and hurl them back towards the police. In a flash, Haytham left his father’s side and sprinted forward with the aggressors, determined to brave the burning gas and hit back at the police. Falk screamed at them to stop and ran in desperation after his son, intending to tackle him to the ground. The deep belching of the tear gas canisters was now interspersed with the sound of the shotguns and rifles and Falk saw his son stumble and then fall headlong onto the road. There was a screaming sound and he realised it was coming from his mouth and then he was hit, a fearful blow to the lower abdomen, which took his breath away and spun him around so that he fell forward at speed on his back, cracking his head on the hard tarmac. For a moment he was disabled by the pain and dizziness of the blow to the head, and then he recovered enough to turn on to his stomach and look towards his son. Haytham lay not a dozen metres from him. He was not moving. Falk called out to him and there was no reply. He tried to get up, but he could not, so he crawled, despite the intense pain in his stomach and the dry retching which he could not control. When he got to his son, he looked into the closed eyes and saw the expression of pain frozen on the boy’s face and he knew he had lost him. He placed his head on the boy’s chest and began to cry. Falk became aware of a light, but when he looked closely it fragmented into shards that eluded his attempt to focus. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what had happened and where he was, but his mind was a blank. He opened his eyes and tried again, and the room gradually floated into form, the light the sole illumination, high on the end wall. It was a hospital room, a room with several beds and equipment everywhere. He recognised it as an ICU unit. He tried to remember, but the past eluded him and his head hurt with the concentration and he drifted back into unconsciousness. When he woke again it was bright with artificial light and there was a nurse at his bedside. He still had no recollection of the past. “What happened to me?” His voice seemed distant and she did not hear. He asked his question again, and this time she heard and turned to him. “You’re awake at last.” He asked his question a third time. “You were shot in that protest march.” The tone of her answer was cold, devoid of compassion, and he noticed she was White. “Please tell me, I can’t remember.” “The doctor will be doing his rounds shortly. He’ll tell you.” He remembered some of it before the doctor came, almost an hour later. He remembered the tear gas swirling and the act of running through it, his eyes burning, and Haytham ahead of him, but nothing more, no matter how he tried to bring it to mind. The doctor was a man in his forties with an abrupt, authoritative manner, but with tired eyes of compassion. “What happened to me Doctor?” “You were shot in the lower abdomen.” “Please tell me the circumstances.” “It was in the attempted march to Pollsmoor. You were shot early on, just outside Athlone Stadium.” “And my son?” He thought the doctor knew, but he would not answer. “I don’t know. Your wife will be here shortly. We’ve told her you’ve come out of the coma.” “How long ago was I shot?” “Three days ago, on Wednesday. It’s Saturday now. You were in a critical condition. The bullet passed through the walls of your colon in several places. We repaired the damage, but there was the danger of infection; there still is, and we have to keep the wound open for a few more days.” “What hospital is this?” “Groote Schuur. They took you to another hospital first, but your wife insisted they move you here for the surgery. I would think she gets her way quite readily,” he said, with the first hint of humour. He stayed awake until she came, an undefined anxiety making him nervous and fearful. There was something in the back of his mind which was too frightening and he was suppressing it. When he saw Isa he remembered. He was back on Klipfontein Road, his head resting on his son’s chest and he could detect no sign of life, then he was crying. That was the last he remembered of that day. “Oh no, Isa. Its Haytham isn’t it? Has he gone?” “Yes, my darling. I’m so sorry.” “Why did I let him go there, Isa? I knew there was a chance for violence. If only I’d trusted my instincts.” “He wanted it, Falkie. He wanted to be a part of the revolution. He was just like you. You could not have stopped him, he would have disobeyed you.” “I don’t know. Maybe he would have listened. I’ve only now remembered what happened. Only now when I saw you, but it’s still not clear.” “Try not to think about it, Falkie, wait until you’re out of danger and then we can mourn your son.” They moved him into a general ward four days later, but he was required to stay in the hospital until they were sure the danger had gone. Isa was with him several times a day, but she did not bring the girls and his baby son until she was sure he could handle the emotion of seeing them. He had an unwelcome visitor before they released him. Fortunately Isa was with him at the time. The visitor was his old enemy and tormentor, Wynand van der Spuy. The policeman was scornful when he saw Isa. “You must be the White woman who married this hot’not?” Isa was offended by his bigotry. “My husband and I grew up in a valley in the Swartberg Mountains, Colonel. We’ve known each other all our lives. Look at him Colonel, look at the fair colour of his skin and his blue eyes and his straight hair. “And look at yourself, at your dark skin and black eyes and curly hair. I don’t mind if you’re Coloured, Colonel, I only mind your hatred which has no basis, and your blatant flaunting of the law you are paid to uphold.” The policeman had no answer, and was flustered for a moment, but recovered and reverted to his security, the bluster of the bully. “Your husband is very fortunate he was wounded, Madam. We would have detained him, but we prefer you to pay the hospital bills. He’s to be banned instead, for a period of at least three years. Here are the banning orders. You’re a lawyer, I don’t need to explain, but it’s my delight to do so. “He’s to be restricted to the suburbs of Crawford and Athlone. Not more than one visitor, no attendance of meetings, no talking to the press or publishing anything, and he’s to report to the station commander at Athlone every Friday. “See how you like that, Madam lawyer.” On some days Falk felt a kind of guilt at his relief that he was no longer subjected to the constant state of anxiety that accompanied those who fought the state. The banning order provided him with a release from the reality of the life of a man wanted by the security police. For weeks after he returned to his home from the hospital his body was weak and he felt dizzy at times, the dizziness accompanied by searing headaches which they said was the result of the severe concussion he had suffered, but he knew it was also the loss of his son and his inability to stop blaming himself. But in time his health returned, and he settled into the routine of running the household and caring for his young son when the girls and Isa were out of the home during the week. They were chores he relished, but there was an emptiness when the chores were finished, and memories of Haytham returned to haunt him. Falk was also able to help Bianca, who now ran the business on her own, doing some of the creative writing for pamphlets and the slogans on T-shirts and banners. And he took on administrative work, like controlling the debtors and creditors, things he could do from his home. One morning, when the house was quiet, his girls out and his son asleep after his morning bottle, he sat at his desk in front of his old typewriter and started to write. He wrote of his son and of Pauline, of that time in his life, bitter words of truth which took on a kind of beauty in their intense starkness. It was the start of the most productive writing period of his life. 5. Falk’s applications to have his banning orders rescinded were eventually granted in early 1989, and his first act was to travel to England to see his publishers. It was to also be a holiday for him and Isa and their son Isaac, already four years of age. The two girls could not get leave for the monthlong period they were to be away, Sarah doing her articles with a Johannesburg law firm and Tess in her first year at Cape Town University, studying social science. He took with him two completed manuscripts and the ideas and notes for a third. One of the manuscripts was a novel loosely based on what he perceived to be the tragedy of Pauline. To his surprise, Pauline had visited him a few months after Haytham’s death. She claimed she had been ill and therefore could not attend the funeral, but he knew she had been unable to face her shame at abandoning her son. She looked ten years older than she should have, which he was sure was due to an excess of alcohol, and her maudlin self-pity leant emphasis to the theme of the novel he was then writing. The second manuscript was a non-fictional political book which used his Letters from the Island articles as the base, with commentary to fill in the intervening years. He judged it was nearly time to claim authorship for the articles. Falk had been an onlooker to the unfolding of the political and social changes in the country, his helicopter viewpoint lending objectivity to his opinions and conclusions. The year 1988 had seen further repressions and an assault on the leadership of the UDF to such an extent that they saw fit to break up the organisation into a new umbrella body which they called the Mass Democratic Movement, with the trade unions as the backbone. Despite the crackdown on UDF leaders, perhaps even because of it, Falk believed the State was at the end of their ability to control the continued assault on their institutions, the mass boycotts, the protests in the townships and the effect all these actions had on the economy. He was not to know that the State President PW Botha was to become ill towards the end of 1989, to be replaced by a pragmatic man who was to escalate the process of engaging with the African National Congress. It was not much of a holiday in London. A lingering winter made outdoor activities unpleasant for Isa and their boy, and Falk was tied up with the two editors he had been assigned for each of the two books. At least the two works were completed, and it was decided to launch the novel in March, simultaneously in Britain and South Africa, and to launch the political book when the climate in South Africa was deemed to be receptive, which meant when the danger to Falk of tying his name to the Letters from the Island articles would not land him in jail. It was more satisfying being back in Cape Town and returning to work at the store, commuting by train, relishing in daily contact with fellow train travellers and the customers and staff at the store, enjoying the warmth and calm of a late summer in the Cape, the best season. He had led a reclusive life and was relieved to realise it was not a state he aspired to. Yet there was a passivity about his mood and motivation and he found it difficult to make the transition back to a full appreciation of life. Isa tackled him about it one night when they were alone, Isaac in bed and Tess out with friends. “I’m worried about you, Falkie, you have lost your zest for life.” “Is that the way you see it?” “Don’t answer a question with a question, my husband. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.” He thought about the right way to put, it because he had been avoiding trying to work it out for himself, hoping he would wake up one morning and find everything as it previously was. “Yes, Isa, firstly you are right, I’m having trouble fitting back into the routines I had before. The years I had at home sheltered me. It wasn’t real. Fortunately, I had the writing and that was very satisfying and allowed me to escape from negative thoughts.” She interrupted. “About Haytham?” “Yes, he was a big part of it. Also the theme of the novel was perhaps a little too close to home and the bad mistakes I had made. And then I was disappointed with myself for taking the easy way out with the struggle, not engaging when I could have. There are telephones, they couldn’t ban them. I could have kept in touch via the telephone. Instead I relied on material I could read to try and keep up with what was happening. A coward’s way really.” Isa came and sat on the arm of his chair and stroked his head. “Aren’t you being a little tough on yourself?” “Maybe. I have a habit of doing that. But don’t you agree I could’ve done more?” “Yes you could have. But do I think you should have? No, I don’t. You lost your son, Falkie. On top of that, you were writing a novel in which he plays a major part. I knew you had to finish that novel and go through the catharsis of self-confession, because that’s what it was. “I think you handled it magnificently. You never once let the children see the bruising your soul was taking. You were the jovial home father and the children loved it. I just think of how much mentoring you were able to give Sarah and Tess. And Isaac was the luckiest little boy in the neighbourhood, a father who was with him constantly, playing with him, reading to him, taking him for walks. “Take a bow, you’ve been great father. “So now it changes, Falkie. Back to the world and the potential threats involved with taking the fight to the government again. But you can do it. You even must do it, because you’re a leader, someone people look up to. They’re having a tough time, Falk. They need someone level-headed like you.” It was a very long speech and he felt something stirring as she so generously praised him. He was reminded how clever his wife was, and courageous too, he thought, remembering the way she stood up to Van der Spuy. “So, what should I do first?” “Phone your old friends, Falk. You have a great chance to meet up with them again with the release of your book. I’m sure you’ll want to do a launch at the gallery. I think it’s going to be very well received and that’ll be great, wont it? “There’s something else I want to discuss with you. This thing came up weeks ago, but I told them you could only do it when you were ready.” “I’m intrigued, what is it?” “Mr Mandela wants to see you.” He was astonished that the great mystery man even remembered him. “Really? What would he want to talk to me about?” “I don’t know Falk. The UDF leadership has held several meetings with him. I don’t think you know that he was transferred to Victor Verster near Paarl last year. They’ve given him a house in the grounds, obviously to facilitate talks with him.” “They’ve gone that far?” “Oh yes, but it’s all hush hush. The government, or maybe its PW, are afraid of a right wing reaction, so they’re meeting him in secret.” “They must be planning to release him.” “I think so, but he’s not going to do it on any terms but his own. I believe he is no push-over.” “Not a chance, I saw that on the island. He has a quiet resolve and you can’t change his mind once he’s made it up. “This is wonderful news, Isa. So it’s finally getting close after all these years. How did you hear about him wanting to talk to me?” “I was told via a contact who heard of the request from Dullah Omar. Omar has been doing most of the contact from Mandela to the outside world.” “Well, let’s not keep him waiting Isa. Pass the word back.” They did not hear for months, and in the meantime Falk had the launch of his new book A Dead Season to plan, and the act of preparation and re-contacting his former friends in the antiapartheid movement rekindled his spirit and appetite for life. The new book had a mixed reception, both among literary critics and in the bookstores. Some found the interracial sex and criticism of the government offensive, and took their complaints to the Film and Publications Control Board who reacted by banning the book. Ironically, the banning was the best thing they could do for sales overseas, because his publishers used it to advertise the novel. To his chagrin, they encouraged sales by describing him as a Black writer and anti-apartheid activist. Then, in early June, the call came for him to visit Nelson Mandela. The caller was Dullah Omar, who conveyed Mr Mandela’s wish to see him, and gave him the name and telephone numbers of the warden, Major Marais, whom he should phone at Victor Verster Prison to gain the necessary permission for the visit. He also asked him to meet with Johnson Phunguza before he visited Mandela, and gave a contact number. Omar did not give the reason for that strange request. Falk phoned Phunguza and was surprised at the animosity he heard in the voice. Nevertheless, he agreed to meet with Falk but would not make a date for the meeting, saying instead that he would come to the shop in Woodstock when it was convenient for him to do so. Falk was uneasy about the clandestine nature of the contact, and wondered if Phunguza was not a police informer, and when the man did appear at the shop a few days later, his manner strengthened that perception. Falk noticed the tall, thin man enter the shop but he was busy with other customers and could not help him immediately. When the customers left the man approached Falk. “Are you Falk Baartman?” “Yes, I am. Good morning to you and what can I do for you.” “I am Johnson Phunguza. You phoned me.” “Yes, of course. Would you like to come through to the office?” “No, let’s go into the street.” It was clear Phunguza was nervous of the potential for their conversation to be recorded. It annoyed Falk, but he went along with it and followed the man into the street and fell into step with him as he walked away from the shop. “What are you afraid of?” he asked him. The man bristled. “I’m not afraid of anything.” His tone was truculent, his manner rude and uncooperative. Falk took the initiative. “Look Phunguza, what’s this all about?” “You want to see our leader, Madiba.” “No, he wants to see me.” “What does he want to see you about?” “I don’t know. Look, what the hell’s going on here? I’m asked to see you, but I don’t know who you are or what authority you have to screen people who want to see Mr Mandela.” The challenge seemed to give Phunguza pause and he stopped and faced Falk. They were of an equal height. “Okay, sorry. I’m a suspicious man, but I have a job to do.” Falk was not immediately mollified. “What’s that job?” “We are unsure of these talks that the boere have started with Madiba. We don’t trust them and we need to know what’s being discussed.” “Who’s we?” “Let’s just say I represent the external wing of the ANC.” “So you screen his visitors?” “Yes, that’s it.” “Okay. You obviously don’t know me, or we wouldn’t be having this talk. So what do you want to know?” “I know who you are. I just want to make it clear to you that you must inform us when you see him and that we have the right to ask you what you discuss. If there are to be any further talks you must arrange it with me.” “Does Mr Mandela know about this?” “Yes, Mr Mandela is a loyal ANC comrade. He understands the discipline we need to defeat the boere.” Falk was disturbed by the meeting and the attempt to control Nelson Mandela, which he was sure would fail. The process of obtaining approval to visit Victor Verster turned out to be very simple. The prison is a low security farm jail situated between Paarl and Franschoek and no doubt it had easier visiting conditions than most, but Falk gained the impression in his telephone conversation with the warden that they had instructions to facilitate the requests of their famous prisoner. The day Falk went out to Victor Verster, the weather was clear for a change and he enjoyed the scenery, particularly when the road went up the valley towards Franschoek with wine farms on either side, the vine rows marching up the sides of the mountains. He had not seen Nelson Mandela for ten years, and he wondered how he had weathered those years, most of them on the island but also the stint at Pollsmoor. He had heard that Mandela had been in hospital with respiratory problems. What could he expect of a man who had been in prison for more than twenty-five years? The warden himself, Major Marais, came to process Falk through the gate and take him to Mandela’s house, where he introduced him to Warrant-Officer Jack Swart, Mandela’s chef and housekeeper. The first thing he noticed was the grey hair. Mandela was sitting at a window, reading a newspaper when Swart took him through. “My friend, Falk. How are you?” He raised himself from the chair and hugged Falk. “It is good to see you, Falk.” “Thank you, Mr Mandela. I’m very pleased to see you too.” “I see you have forgotten that I asked you to call me Nelson.” “That was ten years ago.” “Ah, yes, was it that long ago? Anyway, come and sit. What would you like to drink?” “Whatever you are drinking.” “No, you are the guest. Mr Swart has prepared some cakes for you. Perhaps some coffee to go with the cakes?” “That would be fine, thank you.” “Mr Swart, could you bring us some coffee and your fine cakes, please?” Falk was struggling with reality. This was a prison. This was the most famous political prisoner in the country and the warder was his butler. What a tale he would have for Isa and his children. He dragged himself back to the present. Mandela was talking. “You are very kind to come and visit me Falk.” “I would go to the end of the world to visit you, Mr Mandela.” “There you go with the mister again. Never mind. I was very sorry to hear of the death of your wife and of the death of your son. You have suffered greatly for the struggle. To lose a son, that is a very hard thing to do. I thank you that you have made this sacrifice.” “Thank you.” “Now tell me about your other children. You have a new young son, do you not?” “Yes, I have a son from my second marriage. He is four and a half. I also have a daughter training to be an attorney, she is doing her articles in Jo’burg, and I have another daughter at UCT, in her first year.” “Very good. I miss my children very much. They have not had a father all these years. They have suffered more than me.” They were interrupted by Swart bringing the coffee and cakes and they waited while he served them. Mandela had already impressed Falk with his knowledge of his family but what he said next astounded him. “I have very much enjoyed your articles about the people we were with on Robben Island, your Letters you call them. Very true to life, very interesting anecdotes.” “How do you know I wrote them?” Mandela laughed. It was more like a guffaw and it was obvious he enjoyed hugely the surprise he had given Falk. “We have a loyal comrade in Britain. He went into exile many years ago and has been of great assistance to our efforts over there. You know him, he was your teacher.” Falk was totally mystified and he could see that the older man was delighted to draw the tale out. “Can you guess who he is?” “No, sir.” “Okay, I will tell you. It is Trevor Weiss.” “Oh my God. Trevor. He went into exile?” “Yes, he was banned and then they gave him a passport and he went. He and his wife. They are happy there, I think.” “Did he tell you I wrote the Letters?” “Yes. He has been sending me the articles from the English newspaper and he told me he recognised your style of writing. From your book, he says. He is right, is he not?” “Yes, he is right. What an amazing coincidence. He was a wonderful teacher. Both my wife and I were in his class. That was in a valley in the Swartberg Mountains called Gamkaskloof.” “It is called Die Hel, I believe. Well, let’s move on Falk. I have a very big favour to ask of you. They will release me from here one day soon, perhaps within a year. Their conditions for my release are not right yet but they will eventually agree. “When I am released, I will have to speak to the people and that speech will have to be one of the most important things I do in my life. It must be perfect. A perfect balance. I must thank our people who have struggled for all these years, I must give hope to the young men and women and I must also give White people the message that we will fight on until our goal is achieved, but that we want them to stay in the country when it is finished. That they will be welcome in our democracy. You see what a big job that will be for me?” Falk could only nod, amazed that words of reconciliation could be even contemplated by this victim of White oppression. “Well, Falk, can you help me? Can you help me to write that speech?” “I will be honoured to try, Mr Mandela.” “That is good, thank you. I want you to specially write about the efforts of the people in the UDF, the way the internal struggle was organised and the sacrifices so many people made to the cause. Give me your ideas for the whole speech, but specially give me the words about the internal struggle. I’m sure you can do that well.” “I will certainly do my very best.” “That is good. I knew you would help me.” Before he left, he asked about Johnson Phunguza. “Ah Johnson yes. He is very conscientious. But he is also suspicious, he does this to protect me. It is also his name you know. Sometimes we are destined to do certain things because of the name our fathers give us.” “What’s that?” “Phunguza, it means the one who looks from side to side. You must be kind to him, Falk. Let him do his work. They mean well, those who seek to protect me.” The more Falk delved into the requirements for the speech the more he became amazed at the tone Mandela wished to strike. The glove and the fist. If he had been asked to write the speech without the benefit of the conversation he had had with the older man it would have been fire and brimstone. But he wanted reconciliation. Strong words about the road still to be finished, no quarters asked until the job was done, but then, you are forgiven, my oppressor. Extraordinary. He obtained a copy of the Freedom Charter and studied it. This was the basis, the credo, decided so long ago but still the ideal to be striven for. No, not striven for in the case of Mr Mandela, achieved. He had shown confidence that he would be released, on his own terms, and that the goal would be achieved. Extraordinary. Falk wrote three versions before he was satisfied that he had completed the task the way Mandela wanted it. And he had fulfilled his assignment to cast light on the role of the many agencies of the internal struggle. He phoned Phunguza and arranged that the sideto-side-looking man would meet with him at the store. Once again they walked in the street and Falk told him of the assignment and said he wanted to visit Mandela to discuss what he had written. “It is not possible right now,” said Phunguza. “Why’s that?” “The discussions with the boere are at a delicate stage. He is visited almost daily now by that man Barnard.” “Who’s he?” “You do not know of Barnard, Neil Barnard?” “No.” “I find that very strange. Barnard is head of the National Intelligence Agency.” Falk was impressed with Phunguza ’s knowledge of the goings on at Victor Verster and of the machinations of the government and that reassured him that he could trust the man. “So what do we do? Mr Mandela gave me this assignment and I think he should receive the speech I have written for him as soon as possible.” “I will give him what you have written.” This was a disappointment for Falk. He had so wanted to debate the speech with Mandela, to see if he had struck the right tone, that he had included all of the important information, the praises, the warnings and ultimately the promise. “Should we not wait until the way is clear?” “No, we do not know when the release will come. It could be tomorrow. We must be ready.” Reluctantly Falk agreed and they went back to the store where he handed over the speech, the most important writing assignment he had ever completed. 6. It was expected to be just another opening of parliament. There were very few who knew what a bombshell the new State President, FW de Klerk, would drop on Parliament that day. For many it would become one of those days which you forever remember precisely what you were doing at that moment, like the assassination of John F Kennedy. What was expected that Friday, the 2nd of February 1990, was the release of Nelson Mandela and for the possibility of that major event the world’s press were camped in Cape Town. In his opening address to Parliament that day, De Klerk dismantled over forty years of apartheid legislation. He unbanned unconditionally the African National Party, Pan African Congress, the South African Communist Party and another twenty-seven lesser organisations; he freed political prisoners and made it easy for the exiles to return; and he suspended the death penalty and lifted the State of Emergency. It was an extraordinary thirty minutes from a man who had been at the helm of government for only four months, a man with three centuries of Afrikaner tradition in his veins. He promised South Africans “a totally new and just constitutional dispensation in which every inhabitant will enjoy equal rights, treatment and opportunity.” And he made a plea to the ANC. “Walk through the open door,” he said, “and take your place at the negotiating table.” Falk heard the news on the radio in his store. From almost the first words De Klerk uttered he knew it was going to be spectacular and the radio was turned up and everyone, staff and customers, stood still and listened. It was like that in many places. People stopped what they were doing, rushed to television screens, stopped their cars on the side of the road. When it was finished, including the promise to release Mr Mandela within days, not weeks, they looked at one another in Falk and Bianca’s store and did not know what to say, did not even want to speak for the euphoria was growing in each of them. A personal euphoria in which the world had suddenly become a completely different place. Falk phoned Isa. “Did you hear?” “Yes. Oh yes, Falkie. What an amazing man. No-one saw it in him.” “Meet me at home, Isa. Let’s celebrate.” “There’s only one thing I want to do.” “Yes I know. Me too.” Falk was concerned that he had not heard from Phunguza since the day he gave him the speech and he phoned the telephone number he had been given for the ANC man several times that weekend, but it was not answered. From what he had heard from Mr Mandela that day at Victor Verster, he was sure he would want the release to take place on a weekend to give maximum impact to the event. That meant the likely release date would be either the next Saturday or Sunday, February the 10th or 11th. They heard nothing until the Friday, when Trevor Manuel phoned Bianca and asked her to see him about arrangements for the release. She came back with the news; it was to be the Sunday, in the afternoon, and she was to arrange loud speaking equipment for the Grand Parade in Cape Town. Mandela would address the crowd from the balcony on the first landing of the steps in front of the City Hall. Then the government announced the date of the release, giving the time Mandela would leave the prison as 3pm, and the airwaves around South Africa and the world were full of the news and precipitated a media rush to the city under the mystic mountain. There had been no pictures published of Mandela for twenty-seven years, and the biggest scoop was to be those first images. Victor Verster was besieged that Sunday morning with photographers at every vantage point, with telephoto lenses the length of assault rifles. Supporting the impression of a siege, helicopters started circling the prison compound, flying low, contributing to the scene with incessant noise and dust swirling from the downdraft of their blades. The police did not know how to handle the excesses of joy and devilment. How could they? Just days before, Mandela had been regarded as the arch-enemy, the embodiment of the threat of a Black revolution. Years of keeping a lid on violent protest made them ill-equipped for a sea change of policy and many of their leaders were desperately unhappy with the measures announced by De Klerk. Both sides showed no restraint and at Cape Town Airport arriving dignitaries were greeted with scenes of young men waving ANC flags and taunting the police, like bullfighters in the ring. Cape Town was pregnant with hope and despair, fear and joy. It all depended on what side of the divide you sat. The Baartman family were complete that warm Sunday morning. Sarah had driven down with friends, wanting to show solidarity with the man who had raised her after her mother died, and who had become more father than she could ever hope for. They had breakfast on the back verandah, their favourite family gathering point because of the view it afforded of the back of Table Mountain. The conversation was full of the excitement of the day, with Falk required to tell the story of his meeting with Mandela again and again until they had milked every nuance out of it. They also made him read the speech he had written for the great man, although he stressed that probably only a few words might be included, possibly only the things he had written about the internal struggle. He said those things, but he hoped much of the speech would be used by Mandela, for it was one of his best pieces of writing. Eventually, he had to leave to help Bianca with the setting up of the loud speaker equipment. It was going to be a long day but being part of the arrangements would give him the opportunity to be close to the action on what promised to be one of the most incredible days in the history of the country. Certainly, it would be the defining day and biggest victory of the struggle. Isa would drive into town when she heard that the cars carrying the Mandela entourage had left Victor Verster, and the girls would stay to look after Isaac, monitoring the action of the day on the radio. They knew it would be a crush of people and did not want to risk the danger to their son. It seemed like a good plan. They were not to know the extent of the desire for the people to see Mandela, nor the delays in getting to the Grand Parade from the prison. If you had told them that Isa would not see her husband until nearly midnight they would not have believed you. Falk started to get a sense of the adulation which the vast majority of people held for Mandela on the train into the city. It was full and the mood was celebratory, people who would never make a public spectacle of themselves quite prepared to join in on the Viva Mandela, Viva ANC cries which welcomed those joining the train at every station. The Grand Parade was, however, still relatively quiet, more policemen present than the public. It seemed most of the people coming into the city were taking the opportunity to explore a bit and shop a bit and eat and drink a bit before they settled into the square. Bianca was already there, together with the technicians they used for jobs such as these, very large audiences in the open air. They were already running cables to distant positions and setting up speakers. Bianca was radiant with the occasion and even more irreverent than normal. “Hello former lover.” “I’m a married man, Bianca.” “Yes, a married man who dashed off to sleep with his wife last Friday because he was so excited at the speech of a boer. Amazing what turns on some people.” “Don’t be a witch, Bianca.” “Just funning, partner. There was a little bit of nostalgia there. In the old days you would have dragged me upstairs and ravaged me.” “Well, at least ravaging is the common denominator.” “Touché. Shall we get boring and talk about what needs to be done today?” As usual his partner had efficiently arranged everything and Falk had little to do, so he mingled with the organisers, mostly activists he’d known previously, and they shared many an anecdote as if the struggle was already over. At midday, some of the party who would be on the balcony with Mandela started to arrive, including the anti-apartheid clerics Allan Boesak and Frank Chikane, who would be talking to the crowd and reassuring them if Mandela was detained for longer than expected. The midday heat and humidity was stifling and the considerable crowd that by then was gathering like lemmings was subjected to an uncomfortable time. But food and water was readily available that early on, and the mood remained optimistic. By 3pm, the announced release time, the crowd had grown to an estimated thirty thousand and they were restless, but the comments shouted to the people on the balcony were largely fun, rich with the humour that is unique to the Coloured people of the Western Cape. Boesak and Chikane took it in turns to give bulletins of the happenings at Victor Verster, with whom they were in telephone contact. Their words of reassurance started to wear thin after an hour. By that time the crowd on the parade was more than fifty thousand. Falk spoke to one of the organisers, a woman he knew well from the Grassroots meetings. “What’s going on Steph?” ‘You won’t believe it, they’re waiting for Winnie.” “You’re right, I won’t. She’s late for the release of her husband?” “So they tell me. Trevor is in charge there. That’s what he said is the reason for the delay.” Falk could not feel anger for the wife of Mandela. She had involved herself with a radicalism that smacked of desperation, and acts that were unseemly in the eyes of most, even having been charged with murder, but he had sympathy for the huge pressures that were on her, the need to live up to the hero-worship her husband elicited in the non-white population, the barren years of having no man to share her life and to help her with the children, the banishment to Winburg, a dry town with a poor Black township in the endless grassland of the northern Free State. The news came just before five that Nelson Mandela had walked through the prison gates at Victor Verster, a free man after twentyseven years of incarceration. The joy in the Grand Parade was phenomenal. Strangers hugging each other, grown men and women crying, sections of the crowd breaking into song. Three hours later, the joy had turned to discontent and scepticism. It should not take more than two hours at the most to travel from the prison to central Cape Town. What had gone wrong? Was the release a hoax? Had he been assassinated and everyone was too afraid to tell them? The sun, which had burned into them relentlessly all afternoon, now dipped behind Signal Hill, giving some relief, but by then the food and water had run out and the crowds began to chant angrily and mischief began; some youths broke a water pipe and others ran into the city and there was talk of looting. From the neighbouring streets they heard gunfire as the police tried to control the devilment. Falk became increasingly desperate that he had not yet seen Isa. She should have arrived around 4pm, but would have only found parking many city blocks away, possibly an hour’s walk away, but nevertheless, she should have arrived at the periphery of the crowd at 5.30pm at the latest. That was three hours ago. More desperate hours dragged on and then there was news: he was close by. There was someone else on the microphone. “He was in prison for twenty-seven years! Can we not wait another hour or two?” Then Mandela was there, on the balcony, smiling, waving at the crowd and the chant started, a roar of thousands of voices getting into unison, Viva Mandela, Viva! Viva Mandela, Viva! Here was the man they had never seen. Greyer than the earlier pictures they had seen of that younger man, brooding with a slight beard. This was a tall dignified man with a wonderful smile. Well dressed in the western style, dark grey suit, white shirt, dark tie with spots, white handkerchief showing above the suit pocket. And the chanting went on, Viva Mandela, Viva! He raised his hand and the crowd started to fall silent and they heard the voice for the first time, the gravelly voice, each word given emphasis. Friends, comrades and fellow South Africans. I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all. I stand here before you not as a prophet, but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands. Those first words were inspirational and the crowd remained silent, hanging on every word. But Falk, standing just below the balcony could see the strain on Mandela as he slowly - almost robot-like read each word of the prepared speech. It seemed he did not know the speech well. How could that be? He had had months to prepare it. But it must have been an exhausting day, and how could a man who had been in the confines of a prison for twenty-seven years stand before a crowd of possibly seventy thousand and give a speech without some strain in his voice and in his demeanour? Yet Falk did not believe the speech was Mandela’s own, and certainly there was nothing of the speech Falk had composed for the occasion. The internal struggle received one paragraph only and none of its leaders were singled out, I salute the United Democratic Front, the National Education Crisis Committee, the South African Youth Congress, the Transvaal and Natal Indian Congresses and COSATU and the many other formations of the Mass Democratic Movement. That was it. Am I being churlish, Falk asked himself? There was nothing wrong with the content of the speech; a litany of thank yous, with isolated names of individuals heroes, then the conditions, just as he had discussed with Falk in the lounge of the cottage in Victor Verster: continuation of the armed struggle and international sanctions; freeing all political prisoners; and an end to the State of Emergency, prerequisites to creating a climate where consultation of the people could take place and negotiations could begin. There were some surprises. The reference to FW de Klerk as a man of integrity one of them. Those could only be Mandela’s own words; no-one else in the ANC would have said such a thing, nor did they even know De Klerk. Falk tried to put himself in the place of the average person in that crowd, listening to their future leader for the first time. There would be disappointments, the youth for his lack of fiery condemnation of the oppressors, business for the continued call to arms. But most would see it as a promise, might even see the tone of reconciliation as a relief from the violence that faced them without it. Yet he was disappointed, and he tried to divorce the feelings he had from the chagrin he felt at his own version being disregarded. It was possible he was not being objective but was this the reason Mandela had taken so long to drive a mere eighty to ninety kilometres? Six hours, four of them excess to requirements. Were they persuading him to change his approach, make it a consensus thing? He was drawn back to the moment. Mandela was finishing with his famous lines, spoken at the Rivonia Trial, I have fought against White domination and I have fought against Black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die. Then he was waving to the crowd and the roars of adulation rang out once again, Viva Mandela Viva, given fresh voice by the things he had said. And then he was gone. Falk had seen Phunguza on the balcony, in the background, and he went looking for him, found him still there in conversation with some men he did not know. “Can I speak to you?” Phunguza looked annoyed but he withdrew and the two of them were alone. “Did you give him my speech?” Falk saw the answer before it came, the eyes shifting, looking for an object to focus on, the embarrassment evident. “No, I didn’t?” “Why not?” The embarrassment was replaced with righteous anger. “It was not my decision. I submitted it to the leadership and they told me not to give it to Madiba.” “The leadership overseas?” “Look Baartman, why all these questions?” “I want to know.” “Then know this; we were not going to have history say his first speech was written by a Coloured.” “What the hell are you talking about, a Coloured.” “Grow up, Baartman. This is our country now. The country of the Black people. You and your types are the product of the European colonisation of our country. Go back to Europe, we don’t need you.” The hot words of refutation wanted to rush to his aid but he looked at the truculent face and saw the future and he stilled his voice and walked away. The crowds drained away but still Falk sat on the steps of the City Hall. Johnson Phunguza was just a pawn, but he had acted on the instructions of the overseas leadership and in that command Falk saw the likely developments of the future. Mandela would keep them at bay. His was a genuine desire for a country in which all could be equal. But after his term of office? He saw the resolve diminishing. This generation of leaders, forged in the prisons and the street battles, would be the last of the selfless ones. Those that followed would have self-interest uppermost in their minds. And then would come the alliances to keep power. Anything to keep power, compromises for the sake of the alliance, nepotism and favour, and ultimately the needs of the people and of the nation relegated to a distant second. The alliances would progressively become racially biased. The majority rule for the benefit of the majority. And would that eventually become tribal? Zulu against Xhosa? The beast escaping from the cage and violence once more ruling in the land? It was their country, not his. They would tell him that. He who was descended from the Khoi people who were here, right where he sat, on the shores of Table Bay, here before the Black man or the White man arrived. He thought of Jessie and Haytham who had died so that he could be a full citizen of the country, and his bitterness was terrible. He was still sitting there when Isa found him. AUTHOR’S NOTE. This novel is a work of fiction. Yet it is placed in an historical context which required adherence to time lines and the order of events. The history was also populated with actual people - writers and academics, politicians and priests - and many of these people are in the novel. I have attempted to represent them with fairness regarding their personality and appearance and this required considerable research. I trust none of these representations will give offence. The first draft of the novel was completed on Monday, December 16, 2013, the public holiday called Reconciliation Day, ten days after the death of Nelson Mandela. It was a coincidence about which I have mixed feelings. The last chapter of the novel ends on the day Nelson Mandela was released from prison, Sunday February 11, 1990. I was writing the last two chapters of the book in the midst of the grief and praise for the great man. That is more than a coincidence.