TIPS
BORED IN SESSION
I used to have clients that left me bored. I rarely get bored or find someone tedious anymore. Now I’m
not saying that all who enter my office fascinate me like Neil deGrasse Tyson, but I learned that if I’m
bored, it’s a sign that I’m not doing something. There are times when it seems necessary to let someone
tell a story that may not appear relevant to therapy, but this should not happen on a regular basis. Also,
this “tip” only refers to people who have a core of untapped issues that they are not yet allowing to the
surface, and have the ability to change.
If an individual was talking about their cousin’s boyfriend, how they came up with a menu plan, what the
mechanic explained to them, I would think to myself – shoot me now. This client will tell you that after
talking they feel so much better, but it’s a year later or 3 years later and they’re still discussing situational
topics that surround their life. You may spend sessions getting clarification, reinterpreting, offering ideas
and encouragement; and they may have gained some better understanding of themselves, interact a
little better with people, spend less time in bed… but overall they still feel they would be lost without the
weekly therapy, they’re not ready to make change in their life, their self-esteem is still low and they
frequently want their medication changed because they don’t feel it’s working.
Every therapeutic method has its place but if you wait for your client to get there on their own it may
never happen. People may not have the words, the knowledge that life could be different, too much fear,
not enough trust, or just be consumed with their daily baggage.
How to get out of this trap:
 Describe your observation:
*Validate their desire to tell the stories that cause them distress
*Explain that the stories aren’t resulting in change and you think the time would
be better spent on a deeper level
 Grab one story and run with it
*Get clarification for the reason they’re telling it
*Is there a story beneath the story
*How could they cope, process, interpret the story differently so that it wouldn’t
be something they needed to talk to a therapist about
*How does the situation leave them feeling – don’t settle for the basic emotions,
show them a feeling list and have them choose additional feelings
*Explore why the situation would result in them feeling that way

If they are resistant to all of this and it goes nowhere:
*talk about the fact of therapy time being used for this, in a way that expresses
the desire to be helpful
*explain that this is an opportunity to go beyond what a friend might offer
*own the idea that maybe you haven’t been doing all that you could do so they
don’t feel foolish that they’ve been talking about the “wrong” things all
this time
Ask yourself:
*What am I missing?
*What aren’t we talking about?
*Is your client talking about everything but what they need to talk about