Every Photo Tells a Story
Progression Assignment Example
Draft #1 - Describe the picture and create an attempt at a story.
The worst distraction of all in this picture makes me think of this this girl, who is sitting ib tge sidewalk laughing
and giggling with the other girls in the neighborhood. Ilove baseball and I am hoping to impress her. She has a
friend that is really loud. Bobby Munser is a jerk and I ahope I can slam the ball. My hands squeeze the bat a
little bit tighter and I think of Marylou’s eyes The ball approaches really fast and I begin to swing. It is really
quiet and someone yells “Strike Three!” The game was over.
Draft #2 - Listen with READ&WRITE and add your highlights
The worst distraction of all is this girl, who is sitting three stoops down laughing and giggling with the other girls
in the neighborhood. She has a friend that is really loud. Bobby Munser runs his fingers through his greasy
hair one more time and then begins his wind-up My hands squeeze the bat a little bit tighter and I think of
Marylou’s eyes The ball approaches with alarming speed and I begin to swing like a lumberjack cutting down
a redwood. Momentarily the only sound is silence and then like a foghorn in the early morning, Petey Dyson
yells, “Strike Three!” The game was over.
Draft #3 - Peer Editing (Have a peer in class, read your paragraph and make changes in a different
color font)
(Explain what is happening...describe where the character is standing when it starts and the main
event). The worst distraction of all is this girl (name the girl), who is sitting three stoops down laughing and
giggling with the other girls in the neighborhood. She has a friend (name the friend) is really loud (describe
how loud she is and maybe use a simile) (Where is Bobby standing?) Bobby Munser runs his fingers
through his greasy hair one more time and then begins his wind-up (Great Imagery) My hands squeeze the
bat a little bit tighter and I think of Marylou’s eyes (how pretty are her eyes?) The ball approaches with
alarming speed and I begin to swing like a lumberjack cutting down a redwood. (NICE SImile!!) Momentarily
the only sound is silence and then like a foghorn in the early morning, Petey Dyson yells, “Strike Three!” The
game was over. (Add something to the end to make it more interesting….a cliff hanger?)
(You need to add metaphors)
Final Draft
With two strikes you have to focus on the pitcher and try to block out any distractions. The worst
distraction of all is Marylou Gambini, who is sitting three stoops down laughing and giggling with the other girls
in the neighborhood. Her friend Alice has the loudest most irritating laugh like a bear scraping his paws on a
chalkboard. Standing twenty feet away from me, Bobby Munser runs his fingers through his greasy hair one
more time and then begins his wind-up. My hands squeeze the bat a little bit tighter and I think of Marylou’s
eyes which are prettier than the sunsets on the Hudson. The ball approaches with alarming speed and I begin
to swing like a lumberjack cutting down a redwood. Momentarily the only sound is silence and then like a
foghorn in the early morning, Petey Dyson yells, “Strike Three!” The game was over but my grin was a flashing
Broadway sign announcing that it was time to take my girl out for some ice cream.