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Giuliana Hejtmanek
Mr. Williams
Honors American Literature
May 1, 2015
Essay Revision
I revised a short response I wrote early in my fall semester of the 2014-2015 school year.
My revisions consisted of organizing my paragraphs, improving sentence structure and removing
contractions, and incorporating a more advanced/fitting vocabulary.
I began revising by correcting the organization of my paragraphs. I changed my
introductory sentence from my perspective of the debate to an introduction of the topic. From,
“A loving mother should never chastise their child to the point of hospitalization,” to, “Corporal
punishment has always been a highly debated ethical dispute.” This correction was made to
better organize the paragraphs, making the first one an introduction offering information on the
topic of debate and the second paragraph the introduction of my argument.
The latter and majority of my revisions were improvements in my word usage and
sentence structure. All contractions were eliminated, sentences were restructured, and the
vocabulary was drastically improved. When describing the irrationality of the punishment and
the amount of pain Wright had to endure, I changed “The events leading up to Richard’s death
would’ve been more unpleasant than the death itself- and they were,” to, “Should young Wright
have died at that moment, it would have been considered a blessing – but he was not granted the
end of his suffering through death.”
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The extensivity of my revisions make it difficult to compare all of the revisions made
within a reasonable time frame or passage length. I’ve highlighted all of the revisions made in
the revised passage and posted the unrevised passage as a point of reference.
Unrevised passage: pages 3-4
Revised Passage: pages 5-7
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Giuliana Hejtmanek
Ms. Worthy
10th Literature
October 31st, 2014
Black Boy Response
A loving mother should never chastise their child to the point of hospitalization. In
Richard Wright’s Black Boy, he tells a story of a time when he, at four years old, accidentally set
his grandmother’s house on fire. His mother chastised him by whipping. She ripped some
branches off of a nearby tree and struck him into near oblivion.
Even though what Richard did was really bad, I still feel like this punishment was way
too severe. Richard was just a child who didn’t know any better. He never intended to cause and
damage or distress. He was just a four year old child trying to entertain himself. “I wandered
listlessly about the room, trying to think of something to do, dreading the return of my mother,
resentful of being neglected.” (Wright 4). This little boy was basically sentenced to death. Even
if a full grown adult were to commit arson in the 1st degree, he wouldn’t be eligible for the death
penalty.
Not only is it completely irrational and utterly ridiculous to sentence a toddler to death,
the way that his mother would’ve killed him would’ve been completely inhumane. The events
leading up to Richard’s death would’ve been more unpleasant than the death itself- and they
were. Only Richard never actually got to cut the suffering short by dying. “My body seemed on
fire and I could not sleep.” (Wright 7.) “Packs of ice were put on my forehead to keep down the
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fever.” (Wright 7). Throughout his recovery, Richard had to experience extreme discomfort and
pain along with sleep deprivation. “Whenever I tried to sleep, I would see huge wobbly white
bags, like the full udders of cows.” (Wright 7) “As I grew worse, I could see the bags in the
daytime and I was gripped by the fear that they were going to fall and drench me with some
horrible liquid.” (Wright 7). This child was stripped of his sanity. Not only was he hallucinating,
but his hallucinations were terrifying.
Some people may argue the fact this this punishment was appropriate because Richard
probably never committed the same mistake, but I strongly disagree. Even though the latter may
be a true statement there are many less traumatizing ways to punish a child for doing something
wrong- even at this degree. If Richard was a sane child without already preconceived murderous
tendencies, then a scolding and a spanking would’ve been a much better punishment. There have
been many studies that show that abusing and maltreating a child roughly doubles the probability
of that person becoming an unlawful person. That statistic becomes more obvious later on in the
book when Richard tell about other nefarious actions that he has committed. By punishing
Richard in a more reasonable manner and not psychologically scarring him for life, Richard’s
life probably would’ve been better.
When you beat a child and expose them to violence at a young age you negatively impact
their way of thinking. It’s likely to turn them into violent adults. Traumatizing them by beating
them into near oblivion is even worse. This is why I feel Richard’s punishment was extremely
inappropriate.
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Giuliana Hejtmanek
Mr. Williams
Honors American Literature
May 1, 2015
Black Boy Response
Corporal punishment has always been a highly debated ethical dispute. A passage from
Richard Wright’s Black Boy depicts an occasion when, at four years old, he accidentally sets his
grandmother’s house on fire. His mother chastises him by whipping; she strikes him repeatedly
with a switch torn from a nearby tree. She then proceeds to leave the child in critical condition.
Although I do not advocate young Wright’s arsonist behavior, I invariably feel that his
punishment did not fit the offense. Wright, at the time, was merely a child who could not have
understood the consequence of his actions. As a four-year-old boy trying to entertain himself, his
intentions had not been to cause any damage or distress. Prior to committing the offense, he sates
in his book that “[he] wandered listlessly about the room, trying to think of something to do,
dreading the return of [his] mother, resentful of being neglected,” (Wright 4). Afterwards, he
proceeds to entertain himself with what he felt was his only form of entertainment- the fireplace.
Wright then received a punishment much more severe than any fully competent arsonist could
have received at assuming full responsibility – a beating that would leave him at a very fine line
between life and death.
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Not only is it irrational and ridiculous to essentially sentence a toddler to death; the
inhumanity through which Wright had then suffered would be considered quasi-unspeakable
today. Should young Wright have died at that moment, it would have been considered a blessing
– but he was not granted the end of his suffering through death. Young Wright – instead suffered a crippling and torturous infection: “My body seemed on fire and I could not sleep,”
(Wright 7). His family resorted to inadequate and medieval forms of treatment rather than
consulting a professional: “Packs of ice were put on my forehead to keep down the fever”
(Wright 7). Throughout his recovery, Wright had to endure a pain so agonizing that then brought
along bouts of sleep deprivation and hallucinations: “Whenever I tried to sleep, I would see huge
wobbly white bags, like the full udders of cows,” (Wright 7). “As I grew worse, I could see the
bags in the daytime and I was gripped by the fear that they were going to fall and drench me with
some horrible liquid.” This child did, not only, have to endure an almost unspeakable amount of
pain, but he was also stripped of his sanity, suffering hallucinations as agonizing as his physical
aliment through day and night alike.
Some people may argue the punishment was appropriate because of its efficacy, but I
strongly disagree. Although the former may be true, there are many less traumatizing ways to
punish a child for his/her mistakes- even at this degree. At the time of the incident, Wright was a
developing child without violent predispositions. A scolding and a spanking would have already
been more than enough teaching through negative reward. Studies show that abusing and
maltreating a child effectively doubles the probability of the child becoming an unlawful person.
That statistic is reflected later in the book when Wright discloses other nefarious acts that he has
committed. If the boy’s mother employed more reasonable punishments, Wright’s life most
likely would have veered towards a different, most positive path.
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When you beat a child and expose them to violence at a young age, you negatively
impact their way of thinking. It is likely to turn them into violent adults, thus perpetuating a
vicious cycle. Much worse is what happened to Richard Wright. For this, I feel Wright’s
punishment to have been grotesquely overdone and completely inappropriate.