Premarital Class – Week #7 2014
Sexual Intimacy

6:25-6:32 – Pre-Class Table Time
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6:32-6:38 – Announcements & Business Time Video – Jeff Briggs
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6:38-7:40 – Teaching Time – John & Pam together & Group Split
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7:40-8:10 – Teaching Time #2 (men in chapel)
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8:10-8:45 – Table Discussions
6:25-6:32 – Pre-class table time
6:32-6:38 – Announcements & Business Time Video – Jeff Briggs
 Notebooks – page 87 – reminder tonight we are bringing sexyback
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Schedule for the evening – reminder that we will run late tonight – 8:45
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Twogether in Texas – Beth emailed you last week o You will receive Twogether in TX certificates next week
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McGee’s – John & Pam o Director of Marriage Ministry & re|engage o married 19 years (7/8/1995) o 4 kids – 14, 12, 10, 8
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Text in Questions – 469-364-9391
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Pray & Transition to Business Time video
6:38-7:40 - Teaching Time – John & Pam together
7:40-8:10 – Q&A with Scott, separate time with men and women
8:10-8:45 – Closing Announcements (Scott & Alyssa) & Table Discussions
 Homework
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Men - Spread out over 2 nd floor for men, Women stay at your tables
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Run through 8:45 tonight – men will come get the women o Men - Go to the back, and the women will come to you o Alyssa to give a 2-minute warning
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Talk with your leader or find one of us on staff if you have something you need help with or want to talk through – i.e. acknowledge hurts, abuse, etc…

Next week – Understanding Your Spouse

Premarital Class – Week #7 2014
Sexual Intimacy
Leaders Meeting
1.
Next week: a.
Topic – UYS b.
Think next steps for your couples c.
Homework for next week – surveys
2.
Schedule for the night: a.
Table time b.
60 minutes of teaching – men/women together c.
20 minutes men & women separate d.
30-45 minutes of table time e.
Reminder of run late
3.
2-on-2 premarital mentoring
4.
Fresh eyes to see things anew
5.
Remind all leaders of Plano/giving opportunity
6.
Pray for the Ecksteins – and divide up couples
7.
Subs out this week: a.
Emily Liddell out – Victoria Lawrence covering b.
Smallwoods out – Briggs covering c.
Duff – for David Jones d.
Jacquie for Laura Mente
8.
Instructions for split time a.
Pens, sit in the front, stay together as a group, nothing but water in chapel b.
Questions during male/female time? c.
Be careful of details, keep in mind some dating guys will be in there
9.
Survey Results a.
Sexual active in past? 70% with someone, 50% with each other b.
Currently sexually active? 13% (14% women, 11% of guys) i.
70% sexually active at some point down to 13% c.
Cohab – 20% cohab (only 13% sexually active…) d.
Sexual abuse – 14% of women e.
Do you think he struggles with lust? Disconnect… f.
Porn stats men v. women (at least ½ of the guys looking 1x/month) g.
Purity Covenant – 88% signed

Premarital Class – Week #7 2014
Sexual Intimacy
10.
Table discussion: Veteran leaders – make sure the rookies know what they need to know a.
Share your own story – be authentic b.
Birth control – discuss and talk with others/MD c.
Be bold d.
Discuss expectations - Have realistic expectations as you enter marriage e.
Ask the question and be still
11.
McGee a.
Overview of the talk b.
Ask leaders questions, answer leader questions
12.
Birth control talking points o No desire to start a fight here... o Understand some of you have strong opinions/beliefs on either side
 What does it look like to disagree on this? o This is what you are going to hear from up front o Do NOT allow this to hijack your small group discussion – leadership issue around discussion time – stay late, or answer questions off line, or refer them to someone else…
 It’s a miss if you spend the whole time on birth control o Sources - read several articles/blogs from trusted believers, a book, have discussed with multiple OB/GYNs and other medical professionals o Children are a blessing - Psalm 127 o God cares deeply about life - in the here and now, and before it even begins -
Psalm 139, various passages o God is the giver of life, and counts our days o Control is an illusion and can be sin - whether you practice birth control via natural family planning, hormonal control, or barrier methods o Hormonal birth control - pill, NuvaRing, IUDs
 Prevent ovulation - mostly effective
 Thickens mucus in the cervix - decreased motility of sperm
 Potentially thins lining of the endometrium
 If #3 was definitely true, then this would be more clear/black and white
 But, even if it does thin the lining, the body secretes a hormone that thickens the endometrium - corpus luteum o Suggestions from here...
 in your own marriage, wrestle through and discuss

Premarital Class – Week #7 2014
Sexual Intimacy
 Lead your couples to do the same

Premarital Class – Week #7 2014
Sexual Intimacy
Guy’s time – bullet points
 Best sex is from the guy who loves his wife like crazy
 Man’s job is to make sure you have the conversation
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Don’t isolate if there are issues
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Never compare her body
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Most ideas we get are from porn
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How to talk about weight and NOT talk about weight
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Be selfless
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Size comparison issues
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Long term view of the marriage – don’t need to do it all on honeymoon
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Frequency – Woody Allen joke
 Be the leader in this area – starts in the kitchen
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Size issues, questions, self-stimulation
 Past experiences – how to deal with them and communicate about them o I Corinthians 6:18 o Don’t communicate details o What’s the motive in knowing more o Don’t want any surprises
 Sharing my story o 1 Corinthians 6.18 o Provide hope – from porn dealer to marriage pastor
Masturbation:
Self-pleasuring that us not done within the confines of marital oneness
Spectrum of conclusions:
 inherently neutral/innately good, appropriate
 veiled form of homosexuality
 clear violation of God's law - thus always sinful
Scripture never overtly addresses the issue (not Ecclesiastes 9.10 – whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might – yanked from Driscoll)
Marriage is the only God-ordained means of expressing sexual intimacy - therefore, masturbation is a sinful act
If you have this issue…
 it’s not going to go away on its own

Find a 12-step, Christ-centered recovery program

Premarital Class – Week #7 2014
Sexual Intimacy
Relevant principles:
1.
Sexual immorality is specifically declared to be sinful - porneia - i.e. 1 Corinthians 6.18-20, 1
Thess 4.3-5
2.
Lust is specifically declared to be sinful - MT 5.27-30
3.
Masturbation does not quench sexual desire but rather intensifies it - greater self-indulgence rather than self-control
4.
Masturbation is outside of God's intended design for sexual relations - not one flesh; instead is destructive for marriage; does not encourage you to put spouse's needs before your own
5.
Masturbation is typically lustful
6.
Masturbation does not typically stir our affections for the Lord, rather it robs them
Questions:
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Can you masturbate without lusting?
Can you masturbate to the glory of Christ?