Mad Cow Disease
(Mini)
Topic: Two cows discuss human behavior from their perspective.
Cast: Two cows - CLOVER and BUTTERCUP
Costumes: Students do not need to dress as cows but may. A simple costume would be white sweats with
black patches and headband with ears. They stand, not crawl on all fours.
(CLOVER and BUTTERCUP are Center Stage.)
CLOVER: 'Sup?
BUTTERCUP: Not much.
CLOVER: You see that new donkey they got next door?
BUTTERCUP: Yeah, a real winner. Donkeys have got to be the dumbest animals ever created on God's
green earth.
CLOVER: You got that right. I saw him out in the field chewing on a tennis ball, just as happy as can be.
Those stupid animals will eat anything.
BUTTERCUP: I heard Old Ginger was gonna be shown at the state fair next month.
CLOVER: (Laughs.) Oh, yeah, you should have seen what they did to her. Gave her a sweet little haircut
and braided her tail.
BUTTERCUP: (Laughs.) How humiliating. I'm glad I was never chosen to go the fair.
CLOVER: It's bad enough that we get those school tours.
BUTTERCUP: Oh, you should have seen that group that came through last week. They came into the
milking station and this little kid yells, "Hey, is that a girl cow or a boy cow?"
CLOVER: That's nothing. How about the people riding by in their cars? It never fails. They roll down their
windows and yell, "Mooo!" They think they're so clever.
BUTTERCUP: Well, they are only humans. You've gotta feel sorry for them.
CLOVER: You're right. They put those stupid clothes all over their body — sometimes they can hardly walk.
And they have such wimpy feet that they have to cover them all the time. You ever seen one get
mud on one of those foot covers?
BUTTERCUP: Oh, yeah, they go all nuts, scraping them on the fence, cursing all the time. What do they
think is gonna get on their feet when they walk into a field? Hello!
CLOVER: No, my favorite part is when it rains.
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BUTTERCUP: Yeah, please explain this to me. They spend all their money installing the most expensive
showers and pools and going to the beach to swim. They stick their clothes into the washing
machine every day. But heaven forbid it should rain on them.
CLOVER: They turn tail and run back to their cars like they were on fire!
BUTTERCUP: You do have to feel sorry for them. Have you ever seen that slop they eat?
CLOVER: Ew, all they eat is stuff that comes wrapped in paper with gold arches on it. It smells disgusting.
BUTTERCUP: Give me a good old bag of oats any time.
CLOVER: And give me a nice thunderstorm any day. Cool, refreshing rain. Gets all the dirt off, cools us
down. Those humans are just plain stupid.
BUTTERCUP: Well, at least we've got them trained.
CLOVER: Yep. Every day, crack of dawn, they're out here cleaning up our stalls and bringing us fresh food.
We've got the good life, I'm telling you.
BUTTERCUP: Have you heard of that thing called "mad cow disease?"
CLOVER: I wouldn't exactly call it a disease. I get mad all the time.
BUTTERCUP: Yeah, me, too. I don't know what they're talking about.
CLOVER: Hey, if it turns one more human into a vegetarian, I'm all for promoting it.
BUTTERCUP: Good point! Let's spread the word. Tell all our friends to act like they have this "mad cow
disease" and the humans will totally leave us alone!
CLOVER: Let's go!
THE END
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