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Brittany Garay
Narrative Essay
URWT 1101
Mrs. Rhoda Lukens
01/30/15
Some Things Can’t Be Replaced
It was July 1st, 2012, I woke up earlier than usual that morning. I still had mascara
from the night before, and my curls turned into a bundle of mess. I laid on my bed
debating whether or not to sleep more or to take a shower. My thoughts were interrupted
by frantic screaming from downstairs, the first thing that came to my mind was Milo, my
Jack Russell Terrier with a size of a peanut for a bladder, peed on my mom’s “precious”
sofa again. I opened up my door to tell her to calm down and I’ll clean it, so she doesn't
make a big deal out of it. Instead all I heard was “No! It’s not true she's not dead no!”
They say you don’t know what you have until it is gone. Which is crap to me
because I did know what I have, a warm hearted, charismatic, sarcastic Grandma who no
one can replace. And she was gone just like that. I stayed in my room all day until I got a
text from my mom saying to come to her room. When I walked in I saw a bunch of black
clothes laid on her king sized bed. She walked toward me and gave me a hug and kissed
the top of my head. I looked up to see that her eyes were puffy and red, I looked away
quick cause for some reason whenever I noticed she was crying or starts to cry I would
cry with her, and I was tired of crying. I asked her what’s all the clothes for, she said “I’m
packing, you need to start too, we’re going to Peru tomorrow night for the funeral on
Wednesday.”
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The next day we landed in the Jorge Chavez international airport in Lima, Peru. It
was a 6 hour flight from Charlotte to Lima, I slept throughout the flight. My mom on the
other hand couldn't sleep, which was common for her, as she hates plane rides. We got
our luggage and met with my Grandpa was waiting for us outside with a taxi. He gave us
both huge hugs, and smelt like cigarettes and cologne, which was typical. We got into the
taxi and start driving to my grandparent’s house. It was a silence ride, besides the
occasional small talk between my Grandpa and my mom. I hated small talk, I just wanted
them to shut up to be honest, it was awkward. Twenty minutes passed and I knew we
were close to their house, because of the fire station that I would always see before
arriving. You can sense that my mom was a bit unease when she noticed we were getting
closer to their house, she would bite her nails, and shake her leg. We arrived to the house
and my mom just started sobbing, she didn't want to go in, there were to many memories
in that house for her. Eventually we did walk in, and got settled in. We were sleeping in
their room, which smelled like warm vanilla sugar, her favorite scent. We laid down
trying to get some sleep but of course who could when the person you loved the most in
the world is no longer there with you. My mom started her crying again, but this time in
between tears I heard her mumbled, “We killed her, we didn't show her enough love, we
killed her.” All I could think of was “We? As in you and I? Go to sleep Brittany, before
you’ll say something you'll regret.”
The next morning I woke up with a nasty mood. Mainly because of what my mom
said last night and also I’m just not a morning person. I went into the kitchen where my
mom, grandpa and two of my uncles, who flew in late last night, were all having
breakfast. The minute I sat down the doorbell rang like 3 times. I already knew some
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more family and friends were coming to give their condolences, it’s not that I didn't want
them to, it’s just I was not in the mood for more hugs and crying from people I didn't
know very well. But I still had to be polite and respectful so I greeted them anyway. After
I greeted like 10 people that came in at like 9 in the morning, I went to my grandma’s
room and just laid down for bit. Then I noticed the pictures she had of me on her dresser,
there were also pictures of my brother and my younger cousins, but mostly of me. Not to
sound cocky but I was favorite, she even told me, maybe because I was her first
granddaughter and I held a special place in her heart. My mom knocked on the door then
came in and said “I have something to tell you.”
Maya, my grandma’s close friend, informed my mom that she had been sick for a
couple of months, but refused to tell any of her kids. She never really told Maya what it
was, just told her she was really sick. I started tearing up, not because I was still sad but,
because I was angry, and frustrated that my grandma didn't want our help, to me it
seemed like she wanted to pass away, and didn't thought about her husband, kids, and
grandkids. “Let’s go back out to the living room, don't stay in this room all day that won’t
help.” my mom said. “I don't feel like talking to anyone, especially people I don't care for
at this moment.” I replied back to her. She then proceeded to do this mini speech on how
I need to change my attitude and face, and not to be rude. I interrupted her by saying
“What did you mean by when you said ‘We killed her.’ before you fell asleep.” You
looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Oh, you heard that? Come on Brittany you know
what I meant. We could of been there for her more, we could of called her more often
than we did, we should of been better to her.” “I was always good to her, I always
called!” I raised my voiced slightly. “You were the one who never called and when you
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did you guys would always argue! Just like the night before she passed away.” At this
point I had tears falling on my face, I tried to wipe them away but they just kept coming.
“So don't say ‘We’ like we both did something, because really it’s you who should of
been better to her!” I didn't wait for her to respond I just walked out of the room, and into
bathroom.
It was the morning of the funeral, and I can tell it would be a long, sad day. The
service was beautiful, I cried harder than I ever had that day. Even though my mom and I
had a little argument the day before, and I was still a bit mad at her, that didn't stop us
from holding each other when my grandma’s casket was getting buried. There was a
gathering back at my grandparent’s house, with tons of people and food. Instead of being
locked in a room, I tried to make an effort to converse with family friends, and my mom
noticed and gave me a small smile, of course of how stubborn I am I did not return it
back.
That night I was trying to sleep but couldn’t, but I kept my eyes closed, just incase
my mom would see me awake and would try to talk to me. Then she leaned over to me
and said “I know you're awake, I know you to well.” I didn't reply back. “Listen I just
want to say that I love you so much and I’m sorry for everything. And I know your
grandma would want us to kiss and make up but, I also know you need your space and
I’m always here for you whenever you’re ready.” My mom and I always had our
moments, but we always go back to loving each other like nothing had ever happen. After
that night my mom and I talk more about what ever is on our minds, and I feel I can
express my feelings to her without holding anything back. That night made me realize
that time with my family is precious, that I need to have more memorable moments with
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them instead of fighting, and that I need to realize no matter how much they made me
cry, angry, or frustrated, there will only be one of them that I can’t replace.