WHO ARE YOU WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU AND THEY’RE NOT MARRIED TO YOU? or SEXUAL FIDELITY IN EVERY-DAY LIFE Genesis 39: 1-21 OPENING Hopefully the title of my sermon got all of your attention. Putting the word “sex” in a title usually gets the attention of anyone over the age of 13. We live in a sex saturated culture where visual and musical media are obsessed with the subject. At the same time our culture suffers from deep pain and sexual brokenness. I don’t need to go into details to illustrate this. Statistics do not tell the story and most of us know it all too personally, if not in our own lives, then in the lives of our family, friends and neighbors. The church often does not know how to respond. We know this is not the way God wants it but “just say no” and refusing to discuss the issue is not necessarily a helpful response. The sober truth is that sexuality and spirituality are deeply intertwined and we don’t talk about sex enough in our churches and Christian homes. Even though it’s a subject that interests most of us very personally and we hear about continuously in our culture, it is difficult to talk about publicly and deeply from a Christian perspective. It is a sensitive and controversial subject and I’m more than a little scared but we need to address it head on. THE STORY First of all we need to see the story read for us out of Genesis 39 as part of a much larger story. The story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife is not primarily about what to do when someone wants to have sex with us who we’re not married to. Old Testament stories must be interpreted as narratives [stories], not illustrations of propositional or moral points. All of Genesis 3750 is one story of Joseph’s family, so, to be exegetically correct, one should always consider the entire narrative as one unit. I will take only one chapter in this larger story, but we need to see it as a sub-point of the one main point in the one big story. This story in chapter 39 is bookended by the main theme of the entire Joseph story [note v.3,21] – that God was with Joseph and things went very well for him as a result and this enabled him to save his entire family. In fact, as my colleague, Ken Esau, who will be preaching next Sunday, would tell you, this is the theme of the entire Old Testament – God’s choosing of a people through whom SHALOM is to be brought to the world. In this story, Joseph’s Egyptian master recognizes that God was with Joseph in a special way and that everything he did turned out well. 1 So Potiphar became very fond of Joseph and made him his personal assistant. He put him in charge of all his personal affairs and basically turned over the management of his entire household to him. All because of Joseph, everything in Potiphar’s home and business life prospered. Potiphar did not have to worry about a thing, other than making sure to show up for meals! But all this good fortune for Joseph has a sinister sub-plot which becomes our theme for today. Joseph had grown up to be a strikingly handsome young man. As time went on his master’s wife became infatuated with Joseph and one day attempted to seduce him. “Come to bed with me,” she cooed. “Absolutely not!” he said, “How could I when your husband trusts me with everything he owns? He’s put me in charge of everything and treats me like an equal. The only thing he hasn’t turned over to me is you. You’re his wife after all! How could I violate his trust and sin against God?! I will not have sex with you!” “Oh, but he is never at home and I am so lonely… You are so good looking… I want you so bad… please…” and with other words she pestered him day after day, but he stood his ground refusing to have any sexual contact with her. One of these days it so happened that there were no other servants in the house. She grabbed Joseph by his cloak and begged him passionately, “come have sex with me.” Joseph left his cloak in her hands and ran out of the house. When she realized she had been foiled again and was holding his cloak in her hands she screamed, “Rape! Rape! Servants! Come quick! This Hebrew tried to rape me but I yelled and screamed and he ran off leaving his coat behind.” She kept his coat for evidence and told her astonished husband the same story. “This Hebrew you hired tried to rape me!” When his master heard this he was furious and threw Joseph into jail. But even in jail God was still with Joseph. God was kind to him and put him on good terms with the head jailer. The head jailer put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners so that he was basically managing the entire prison! There was nothing to fear when Joseph was in charge. God saw to it that whatever Joseph touched turned out well. 2 REFLECTING ON THE STORY The story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife has always been a powerful story for me. Joseph was obviously an attractive young man, but one who was loyal to his master and to his God ahead of his ability to perform sexually. Joseph did not cease to be who he was, a man with sexual desires and sexual attractiveness, but he did not let his libido dictate his behavior. Joseph stayed true to himself and was willing to accept the consequences without compromising his identity or his principles. This is a powerful story not only because Joseph, as a young man resists his boss’s wife’s sexual advances. That is the obvious exterior story and many sermons have been preached to young men moralizing about the “3 R’s” of purity: resist, respond, run or whatever clever alliteration can be mustered, but if we consider the primary theme of the entire story – God’s protection of Joseph in order to save his family – we might see a deeper message, one we can identify with as real human beings who face similar struggles and temptations. I too have been tempted. I too have struggled and vacillated in temptation. Will I be true to my self, my people, and my God, maintaining my integrity in the long term or will I yield to the momentary pleasure that boosts my ego in the present? The former way of looking at the story has a clear message about what proper moral behavior should be, but I think the latter gets us to think more deeply and reflectively about spirituality and identity. It is about intrinsic morality that comes from within rather than imposed on from without. It is like the parent who says to the child leaving the house, “Remember who you are” rather than “Do this and don’t do that.” The most important thing is not the moral or answer imposed by a preacher at the end of the story. “OK kids don’t have sex with someone you’re not married to.” Anyone can set up rules that can be kept or broken. But what do we do when we are in a new situation where the old rules don’t apply exactly? If you’re a Pharisee then you just make up another rule. But life is ambiguous sometimes, especially in the area of sexuality. We need something more than an increasing list of do’s and don’ts as our culture stumbles along in sexual openness and brokenness. 3 Rather, let’s look at Joseph as a companion on the journey that all of us are on. We are all tempted by the sexual culture we live in. The most important question is not so much what we do but who we are. Joseph was rooted in who he was as a child of God. God was with him so that his entire family could be saved; that is the main theme of the stories about his life. Who he was then provided guidance for how he lived in this incident with Potiphar’s wife and also for the rest of his life. REFLECTING ON THE THEME OF SEXUALITY IN LIGHT OF THE STORY So let’s reflect for a few moments on how this story relates to the theme of sexuality. Sexuality is about more than having sex. I have a friend who lives in Intercourse, Pennsylvania in the heart of Amish country. There is a thriving tourist industry built around the apparent juxtaposition of conservative Amish people and the sexually suggestive name of the town. You can imagine some of the slogans on T-shirts, especially when the neighboring town is Paradise! But Intercourse was simply named for the intercourse or intersection of two roads. Intercourse describes a meeting. Sexuality is about the meeting of bodies, but not only the meeting of bodies, but the meeting of whole people. My body is very much a part of me and my spirituality, but it does not define all that I am. Sexuality is part of the creation story in the book of Genesis. It was not good for the man to be alone (2:18) and so woman was created to be in relationship with the man (2:22). Sexuality is about relationship and deep connection with another human being- “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (2:23). The man and woman became “one flesh” in sexual union, but it is more than two bodies made one; they “knew” each other (4:1, KJV). Later translations and paraphrases have replaced this knowing with “Adam lay with his wife Eve” (NIV), “Adam had sexual intercourse with Eve” (Living Bible), “Adam slept with his wife Eve” (The Message), “Adam made love to his wife Eve” (TNIV). I believe that this knowing is not at all euphemistic, but it is a word that implies an intimate knowledge of one another, a complete nakedness, not only physically, but in every way. Sexuality is about making ourselves vulnerable to another, being in intimate relationship. 4 The story of Joseph illustrates the sexual fidelity of a young man in all his relationships: with a sexually enticing woman, a man who was his boss and a God who was actively caring for him. Fidelity is about loyalty and commitment. Sexual fidelity is about loyalty and commitment in our intimate relationships. Today, we find our sexual fidelity threatened on various fronts, or more positively, there are various ways that we can live out our sexual fidelity. I see two options for followers of Jesus, celibacy or marriage. I assume, against our culture, and with centuries of church tradition, that single people are celibate. Joseph was a young man who was celibate until he got married. In this story, he shows a remarkable sexual fidelity to himself and the other people involved in the situation. Today we face similar sexual temptations, although they take an increasingly myriad of forms through the media. The response is not a dispassionate “just say no” but a commitment to value and protect the deep connection that happens between people who are involved sexually. Sex is not mere biology. It is a deeply spiritual and emotional union as well as physical togetherness. We make ourselves vulnerable and completely open to the other person. Fidelity is creating some protection and boundaries around sexuality. Waiting for sex until marriage, and keeping it in marriage, is not merely old-fashioned prudishness. It is recognizing the deep intersection of spirituality and sexuality and it is giving sacred dignity to our future or present sexual partner. Sexual fidelity applies regardless of the sexual orientation or marital status and regardless of the situation we might find ourselves in. Jesus does not offer a case for either marriage or celibacy or say a lot about sexual behavior. If there is a theme that goes through the gospel accounts, it is that Jesus has a view toward a much larger goal: faithful discipleship to Christ himself. Such faithful discipleship takes place in the context of faithful marriages or faithful service as celibates in the kingdom of God. Joseph’s sexual fidelity is grounded in his spiritual integrity and commitment to God. This story then challenges us toward a bodily, rooted and connected spirituality that is lived out at the table, on the sidewalk and in the bedroom. 5 Both celibacy and marriage “require lifelong vows to one person or several people, because living out those vows teaches a person how to love. To paraphrase Dorothy Day, vows remind us that as Christians we are not called so much to be successful in our loving as to be faithful to God, whom we know as love.” Single people and married people need each other to help them live out their vows, their callings. Each state of life has gifts to offer the other. The gifts of single adults especially have been underappreciated in Protestant churches. We seem to assume, wrongly, that adults have to be sexually active, i.e. married, to be a whole person. Churches need to be more intentional in supporting people toward a robust sexual fidelity in whatever state of life we find ourselves. There are no three points for sexual behavior in this story. It is the story of how God protected one young man so that his entire family could be saved. This one dramatic moment in the life of Joseph in Genesis 39 illustrates something about sexual fidelity, about loyalty in relationships. Joseph says no to his boss’s wife’s sexual advances but on a much deeper level he says yes to fidelity in all his relationships, most importantly his relationship with his God. Our sexuality and spirituality are inextricably intertwined. Men and women are whole people and we cannot extract our spirits from our bodies or our bodies from our spirits. It is a holistic, sensual, bodily, social, sexual spirituality. Sexual fidelity is about loyalty and depth in all our relationships with our marriage partners, relatives, friends and colleagues. Let’s end where we began – with the main point of the entire Joseph story. God is with this young man, not because he is somehow more special than anyone else, but so that God can use him to bring SHALOM to his family and the entire nation he serves. In our specific story today, Joseph’s sexual fidelity is his participation in God’s larger work. As we are loyal and true in our relationships, we participate in God’s work of bringing SHALOM [salvation] to the world, not only for our well-being but for the well-being of all we come in contact with. 6