WHO ARE YOU WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU AND
THEY’RE NOT MARRIED TO YOU? or SEXUAL FIDELITY IN EVERY-DAY LIFE
Genesis 39: 1-21
OPENING
Hopefully the title of my sermon got all of your attention. Putting the word
“sex” in a title usually gets the attention of anyone over the age of 13. We
live in a sex saturated culture where visual and musical media are
obsessed with the subject. At the same time our culture suffers from deep
pain and sexual brokenness. I don’t need to go into details to illustrate this.
Statistics do not tell the story and most of us know it all too personally, if
not in our own lives, then in the lives of our family, friends and neighbors.
The church often does not know how to respond. We know this is not the
way God wants it but “just say no” and refusing to discuss the issue is not
necessarily a helpful response. The sober truth is that sexuality and
spirituality are deeply intertwined and we don’t talk about sex enough in
our churches and Christian homes. Even though it’s a subject that interests
most of us very personally and we hear about continuously in our culture,
it is difficult to talk about publicly and deeply from a Christian perspective.
It is a sensitive and controversial subject and I’m more than a little scared
but we need to address it head on.
THE STORY
First of all we need to see the story read for us out of Genesis 39 as part of
a much larger story. The story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife is not primarily
about what to do when someone wants to have sex with us who we’re not
married to. Old Testament stories must be interpreted as narratives
[stories], not illustrations of propositional or moral points. All of Genesis 3750 is one story of Joseph’s family, so, to be exegetically correct, one
should always consider the entire narrative as one unit. I will take only one
chapter in this larger story, but we need to see it as a sub-point of the one
main point in the one big story.
This story in chapter 39 is bookended by the main theme of the entire
Joseph story [note v.3,21] – that God was with Joseph and things went very
well for him as a result and this enabled him to save his entire family. In
fact, as my colleague, Ken Esau, who will be preaching next Sunday,
would tell you, this is the theme of the entire Old Testament – God’s
choosing of a people through whom SHALOM is to be brought to the
world. In this story, Joseph’s Egyptian master recognizes that God was with
Joseph in a special way and that everything he did turned out well.
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So Potiphar became very fond of Joseph and made him his personal
assistant. He put him in charge of all his personal affairs and basically
turned over the management of his entire household to him. All because
of Joseph, everything in Potiphar’s home and business life prospered.
Potiphar did not have to worry about a thing, other than making sure to
show up for meals!
But all this good fortune for Joseph has a sinister sub-plot which becomes
our theme for today. Joseph had grown up to be a strikingly handsome
young man. As time went on his master’s wife became infatuated with
Joseph and one day attempted to seduce him. “Come to bed with me,”
she cooed.
“Absolutely not!” he said, “How could I when your husband trusts me with
everything he owns? He’s put me in charge of everything and treats me
like an equal. The only thing he hasn’t turned over to me is you. You’re his
wife after all! How could I violate his trust and sin against God?! I will not
have sex with you!”
“Oh, but he is never at home and I am so lonely… You are so good
looking… I want you so bad… please…” and with other words she
pestered him day after day, but he stood his ground refusing to have any
sexual contact with her.
One of these days it so happened that there were no other servants in the
house. She grabbed Joseph by his cloak and begged him passionately,
“come have sex with me.” Joseph left his cloak in her hands and ran out
of the house. When she realized she had been foiled again and was
holding his cloak in her hands she screamed, “Rape! Rape! Servants!
Come quick! This Hebrew tried to rape me but I yelled and screamed and
he ran off leaving his coat behind.”
She kept his coat for evidence and told her astonished husband the same
story. “This Hebrew you hired tried to rape me!”
When his master heard this he was furious and threw Joseph into jail. But
even in jail God was still with Joseph. God was kind to him and put him on
good terms with the head jailer. The head jailer put Joseph in charge of all
the other prisoners so that he was basically managing the entire prison!
There was nothing to fear when Joseph was in charge. God saw to it that
whatever Joseph touched turned out well.
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REFLECTING ON THE STORY
The story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife has always been a powerful story
for me. Joseph was obviously an attractive young man, but one who was
loyal to his master and to his God ahead of his ability to perform sexually.
Joseph did not cease to be who he was, a man with sexual desires and
sexual attractiveness, but he did not let his libido dictate his behavior.
Joseph stayed true to himself and was willing to accept the
consequences without compromising his identity or his principles.
This is a powerful story not only because Joseph, as a young man resists his
boss’s wife’s sexual advances. That is the obvious exterior story and many
sermons have been preached to young men moralizing about the “3 R’s”
of purity: resist, respond, run or whatever clever alliteration can be
mustered, but if we consider the primary theme of the entire story – God’s
protection of Joseph in order to save his family – we might see a deeper
message, one we can identify with as real human beings who face similar
struggles and temptations. I too have been tempted. I too have struggled
and vacillated in temptation. Will I be true to my self, my people, and my
God, maintaining my integrity in the long term or will I yield to the
momentary pleasure that boosts my ego in the present?
The former way of looking at the story has a clear message about what
proper moral behavior should be, but I think the latter gets us to think
more deeply and reflectively about spirituality and identity. It is about
intrinsic morality that comes from within rather than imposed on from
without. It is like the parent who says to the child leaving the house,
“Remember who you are” rather than “Do this and don’t do that.”
The most important thing is not the moral or answer imposed by a
preacher at the end of the story. “OK kids don’t have sex with someone
you’re not married to.” Anyone can set up rules that can be kept or
broken. But what do we do when we are in a new situation where the old
rules don’t apply exactly? If you’re a Pharisee then you just make up
another rule. But life is ambiguous sometimes, especially in the area of
sexuality. We need something more than an increasing list of do’s and
don’ts as our culture stumbles along in sexual openness and brokenness.
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Rather, let’s look at Joseph as a companion on the journey that all of us
are on. We are all tempted by the sexual culture we live in. The most
important question is not so much what we do but who we are. Joseph
was rooted in who he was as a child of God. God was with him so that his
entire family could be saved; that is the main theme of the stories about
his life. Who he was then provided guidance for how he lived in this
incident with Potiphar’s wife and also for the rest of his life.
REFLECTING ON THE THEME OF SEXUALITY IN LIGHT OF THE STORY
So let’s reflect for a few moments on how this story relates to the theme of
sexuality. Sexuality is about more than having sex. I have a friend who lives
in Intercourse, Pennsylvania in the heart of Amish country. There is a
thriving tourist industry built around the apparent juxtaposition of
conservative Amish people and the sexually suggestive name of the town.
You can imagine some of the slogans on T-shirts, especially when the
neighboring town is Paradise! But Intercourse was simply named for the
intercourse or intersection of two roads. Intercourse describes a meeting.
Sexuality is about the meeting of bodies, but not only the meeting of
bodies, but the meeting of whole people. My body is very much a part of
me and my spirituality, but it does not define all that I am.
Sexuality is part of the creation story in the book of Genesis. It was not
good for the man to be alone (2:18) and so woman was created to be in
relationship with the man (2:22). Sexuality is about relationship and deep
connection with another human being- “bone of my bones and flesh of
my flesh” (2:23). The man and woman became “one flesh” in sexual
union, but it is more than two bodies made one; they “knew” each other
(4:1, KJV).
Later translations and paraphrases have replaced this knowing with
“Adam lay with his wife Eve” (NIV), “Adam had sexual intercourse with
Eve” (Living Bible), “Adam slept with his wife Eve” (The Message), “Adam
made love to his wife Eve” (TNIV). I believe that this knowing is not at all
euphemistic, but it is a word that implies an intimate knowledge of one
another, a complete nakedness, not only physically, but in every way.
Sexuality is about making ourselves vulnerable to another, being in
intimate relationship.
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The story of Joseph illustrates the sexual fidelity of a young man in all his
relationships: with a sexually enticing woman, a man who was his boss
and a God who was actively caring for him. Fidelity is about loyalty and
commitment. Sexual fidelity is about loyalty and commitment in our
intimate relationships. Today, we find our sexual fidelity threatened on
various fronts, or more positively, there are various ways that we can live
out our sexual fidelity.
I see two options for followers of Jesus, celibacy or marriage. I assume,
against our culture, and with centuries of church tradition, that single
people are celibate.
Joseph was a young man who was celibate until he got married. In this
story, he shows a remarkable sexual fidelity to himself and the other
people involved in the situation. Today we face similar sexual temptations,
although they take an increasingly myriad of forms through the media.
The response is not a dispassionate “just say no” but a commitment to
value and protect the deep connection that happens between people
who are involved sexually.
Sex is not mere biology. It is a deeply spiritual and emotional union as well
as physical togetherness. We make ourselves vulnerable and completely
open to the other person. Fidelity is creating some protection and
boundaries around sexuality. Waiting for sex until marriage, and keeping it
in marriage, is not merely old-fashioned prudishness. It is recognizing the
deep intersection of spirituality and sexuality and it is giving sacred dignity
to our future or present sexual partner.
Sexual fidelity applies regardless of the sexual orientation or marital status
and regardless of the situation we might find ourselves in. Jesus does not
offer a case for either marriage or celibacy or say a lot about sexual
behavior. If there is a theme that goes through the gospel accounts, it is
that Jesus has a view toward a much larger goal: faithful discipleship to
Christ himself. Such faithful discipleship takes place in the context of
faithful marriages or faithful service as celibates in the kingdom of God.
Joseph’s sexual fidelity is grounded in his spiritual integrity and
commitment to God. This story then challenges us toward a bodily, rooted
and connected spirituality that is lived out at the table, on the sidewalk
and in the bedroom.
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Both celibacy and marriage “require lifelong vows to one person or
several people, because living out those vows teaches a person how to
love. To paraphrase Dorothy Day, vows remind us that as Christians we are
not called so much to be successful in our loving as to be faithful to God,
whom we know as love.” Single people and married people need each
other to help them live out their vows, their callings. Each state of life has
gifts to offer the other.
The gifts of single adults especially have been underappreciated in
Protestant churches. We seem to assume, wrongly, that adults have to be
sexually active, i.e. married, to be a whole person. Churches need to be
more intentional in supporting people toward a robust sexual fidelity in
whatever state of life we find ourselves.
There are no three points for sexual behavior in this story. It is the story of
how God protected one young man so that his entire family could be
saved. This one dramatic moment in the life of Joseph in Genesis 39
illustrates something about sexual fidelity, about loyalty in relationships.
Joseph says no to his boss’s wife’s sexual advances but on a much
deeper level he says yes to fidelity in all his relationships, most importantly
his relationship with his God.
Our sexuality and spirituality are inextricably intertwined. Men and women
are whole people and we cannot extract our spirits from our bodies or our
bodies from our spirits. It is a holistic, sensual, bodily, social, sexual
spirituality. Sexual fidelity is about loyalty and depth in all our relationships
with our marriage partners, relatives, friends and colleagues.
Let’s end where we began – with the main point of the entire Joseph
story. God is with this young man, not because he is somehow more
special than anyone else, but so that God can use him to bring SHALOM
to his family and the entire nation he serves. In our specific story today,
Joseph’s sexual fidelity is his participation in God’s larger work.
As we are loyal and true in our relationships, we participate in God’s work
of bringing SHALOM [salvation] to the world, not only for our well-being but
for the well-being of all we come in contact with.
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