Father of the Bride Speech, given by Richard Hadden, at the wedding of Lindsay Hadden to James Wise,
September 7, 2015, Edinburgh Castle, Edinburgh, Scotland
Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in public…
I have been asked to say a few words on this most…really remarkable occasion. Now for those of you
who are not from the UK, speeches are a very traditional component of a British wedding. So I’m not
doing this just because I like to hear myself speak. Although there is that…
My first duty is to welcome everyone to historic Edinburgh Castle, in this, the capital city of my adopted
nation. And when I say historic… You’ve heard of Mary, Queen of Scots. This was her summer place. And
King James. Yes, that King James, the one who commissioned the 1611 English translation of the Bible.
He was born in the next room.
And there’s an amazing family connection to this place as well. On both sides of this new family that has
been created today. For in 1860, George Lindsay, who was the great-great-great grandfather of Lindsay
Hadden Wise (which sounds very strange to say), was stationed right here at Edinburgh Castle.
And some years before that, Thomas McCaskie, the great-great-great-great grandfather of James
McCaskie Wise – my son-in-law (which sounds even stranger to say), founded a hat manufacturing
company and had a retail hat shop literally yards from where we sit this evening, on the other side of
castle rock, with a clear and imposing view of Edinburgh Castle. Thomas McCaskie’s wife, Elizabeth
Taylor McCaskie, continued to operate the shop after her husband’s death, during the time that George
Lindsay was stationed here, and so it is entirely conceivable that the great-great-great grandfather of
the bride bought hats from the great-great-great-great grandmother of the groom. But enough of the
hat buying habits of Victorian Scotland.
Back to welcoming you. There are many in this room who have come a great long way to be here
tonight, and we appreciate that more than you can know. And no one has come farther than James’s
brother and best man, Cris, who lives on the Pacific Island of Guam. And no one appreciates the
convenience of our selection of Edinburgh Castle more than Ross and Linda Saunderson, who live about
4 miles up the road.
But to all of you who have come, from near and far, you honor both families by your presence with us
today. And I’m sure you would have done the same had the wedding been in, for instance, Cleveland or
something. But you’ve come here, and that’s what’s important.
Christine and I are especially thrilled to have our siblings and some of their families with us tonight. My
sister, Nancy, and her husband, Bryan, have come from Tennessee, and my brother, Mike, from
Jacksonville. This is Nancy and Bryan’s first trip to Scotland. And Bryan was a little concerned that he
might, you know, stand out a little in Scotland. Because, of course, he plays the string bass, and not the
bagpipes, but I think you’ve been made to feel very welcome, haven’t you, Bryan? Now, Mike has been
to Scotland before, 25 years ago, along with our parents. Mike wore his hair differently then. But it’s just
such an honor that you all would come from the United States to be with us on this special day.
And we are especially happy to have Christine’s brother, David, and his entire family here with us
tonight. The reason I say especially happy is that this has given us the chance to meet Grace and Anya,
the 2 newest members of the family. We’ve seen the rest of them a lot over the years, but this time, we
got to meet these 2 beauties. David and Anne, Fiona and Sofian, whose wedding we attended last
summer, and now baby Anya; and Emma and Tim, whose wedding Christine and Lindsay attended 2
years before that, and their baby, Grace, all came up from the south of England. And the smartest one of
the whole bunch, Andrew, the proud uncle of all the babies, who still lives here in Scotland, and who
drove over from Hamilton, and who will go to work in the morning just a few blocks from here. He may
have to go to work with a sair heid, but he’ll be going to work. So, thanks to all of the Prentices, the Al
Qasems, and the Sims, for being here.
And to all of our friends and other family members, from the US, other parts of England and Scotland,
and especially everyone whom I have just offended by not mentioning. You have all gone to great effort,
and many to great expense. It is very humbling. And we appreciate all of you being here.
Christine and I have made a number of new friends through Lindsay and James, but none more
significant to us than JoAnn and Jack. Thank you for your friendship. Fortunately, we live only 10
minutes from each other, and so if there are grandchildren – no pressure, kids – I’m just saying IF there
are grandchildren, they should be easy to share. Which makes them sound a little like nachos at a Super
Bowl party or something, and that’s not what I mean, but I think you get the picture.
There is one person among us tonight without whom none of us would be here tonight – I can say that
with certainty - and without whom, in fact, 2 of you, Lindsay and Alec, pretty much wouldn’t be
anywhere. Wrap your head around that one for a minute. Anne Marie Bush (indicate and acknowledge)
set Christine and me up on a blind date more than 29 years ago. Four months later, at another historic
castle, Urquhart Castle, about 180 miles north of here, I asked Christine to marry me, and for reasons I
have yet to be able to fully fathom, she said yes. We got married six months later, and started our
family. And the rest, as they say…has been very expensive.
By 1987 North Florida standards, Christine and I were a little older than average when we got married,
which is to say, we had both finished high school. And so people immediately began asking Christine, are
you planning to have a family? She would say, yes, of course, all in good time, and people would say,
well honey, you’d better get your skates on. At your age, they would say, at your age, it could take a
while.
It took about 10 minutes.
James, I’m just saying. Lindsay is her mother’s daughter. Don’t leave anything to chance.
The very first thing I saw as Lindsay was coming into the world, was a lock of curly red hair. Little did I
know that that curly red hair would be such…an issue…in Lindsay’s growing up. I mean, look at Lindsay’s
hair today. Now that it has become chemically dependent, you would never know that it was ever a
problem.
But I’ll never forget the first time we took her to get her haircut. She was about 3. And we went to a
proper hairdresser, like, with industrial strength equipment. And he sat Lindsay in the chair, and first he
turned to Christine, and he said, “Mom, how would you like her hair cut?” And Christine said, “Oh, keep
it pretty full, just tidy it up a bit.” And he looked at me, and said, “And Dad, how would you like it cut?”
And I said, “short.” And then he looked at Lindsay, and said, “And sweetheart, how would you like it
cut?” And she looked up at him and said, “Straight.”
I love Lindsay’s account of how she first came to know of James, as written on their wedding website.
She says “James and Lindsay technically met in 1993 at St. Andrew's Episcopal Day School in
Jacksonville, Florida. Lindsay had a huge crush on James, who was in the second grade at the time.
Lindsay was only 4 and looked like orphan Annie, so naturally, the relationship did not take off.”
It was only when they were both in their 20’s that they met again, quite by accident – if you believe in
accidents – and – here we are tonight.
Well, James, it’s just as well that there was that little interlude, because that means you missed the
whole mullet stage, or again, none of us might be here tonight.
Another thing that’s a little hard to believe, is Lindsay’s fashion sense when she was growing up.
Especially when you look at her these days. A fashion sense that can only be accurately described as
Bohemian. We never knew what Lindsay was going to go out of the house wearing, and I can remember
more than one…hundred…occasions when Christine vetoed her apparel choice on the way out the door,
and she ran up to her room, in a state of high indignation, to change into something more suitable, if far
less interesting.
I had been told that, as the father of a teenage daughter, a very attractive, if perhaps a bit Bohemian,
daughter, I could expect a steady succession of young men to show up at our door during Lindsay’s teen
years.
That really didn’t happen so much. There was the odd one or two, and yes, one of them was particularly
odd. But not all that many. And so, when more than 5 years ago, Lindsay started talking about this guy
James, I thought she might be on to something.
And then I met him. And I thought, well…
No – I distinctly remember the first time we met James. We all went out to dinner at that emporium of
Caribbean Authenticity – Bahama Breeze at St. Johns Town Center in Jacksonville. Now, keep in mind,
Lindsay had always expressed a preference for tall, wiry, redheaded, fair-skinned, Scottish, or at the very
least, Irish looking guys. Which of course describes James to a T.
And you know THEY (whoever they are) say that women often choose someone who’s a lot like their
father. Oh yeah, James and I are practically indistinguishable from each other. Just shows how much
THEY know.
And so when we first sat down to dinner that night, I took one look at James and I thought – this will be
a one-and-done kind of meeting for us all. And then, as dinner progressed, I thought, but I kind of like
this guy for Lindsay. So I hope I’m wrong. Then, as I saw how James looked at Lindsay, and how she
looked at him, and how they regarded each other, I thought, you know what, there might be something
to this.
And in these five years, I’ve come to know James as one of the hardest working men I’ve ever known,
since my own father and Christine’s father, Jim. In fact, I see a lot of both of those men in you, James.
And so maybe this thing about a woman going after someone like her father skips a generation every
now and then.
James, over the course of the last five years, I’ve slowly relinquished my time with Lindsay to you. And
now that you’re married, I complete that process. But the daddy-daughter days that we’ve spent, like
the one in New York City for Lindsay’s 8th birthday, and one in Glasgow two years ago, and some days
we’ve had here in Edinburgh just this week. I’m keeping those, buddy. So, every now and then, I know
you’ll understand if I need a Lindsay fix, OK?
Lindsay and James, you have decided to “do life” together. Not just to live together in the holy estate of
matrimony, but to do life together.
And, having done life with your mother, Lindsay, for more than 28 years now, I feel that I’m somewhat
qualified to give you and James some advice on how to do life well together.
First, remember that love is a verb. An action word. It’s more than a feeling. It’s something you choose
to do. Even on those occasions when your spouse is not particularly loveable. Just ask Christine.
And as youth gives way to middle age. And waistlines, and hairlines, just give way... Remember that you
married a soul, and that never changes.
Practice laughter. If you have children, there will be even more opportunities to do this. Find things that
you can both laugh at. And just delight hilariously in each other’s love.
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Don’t worry about whose job it is, whose fault it is, or who gets the credit. Just clean it
up.
Be quick to forgive.
Just ignore each other’s shortcomings.
Help each other overcome each other’s shortcomings. But don’t help too much.
And James, breakfast in bed, regularly, will make it easier for your wife to ignore your
shortcomings. I speak from experience.
And finally, don’t sweat the small stuff. And remember that it’s mostly all small stuff.
Lindsay and James – You have chosen to do life together. Do life well. Do life for each other. Do life in
love.
And now, a traditional Scottish toast for the future life of James and Lindsay Wise:
May the best ye’ve ever seen be the warst ye’ll ever see.
May the moose ne’er leave your girnal wi’ a tear drap in his ee.
May your lum be blithely reekin’ till your auld enough tae dee.
May ye’ aye be just as happy as I wish ye now to be.
To Lindsay and James