Developing paper 1: literary commentary
Also keep in mind that the literary commentary (paper 1) and oral commentary (IOC) are similar in
content, though obviously different in delivery format. You could use/adapt any of these strategies for
the IOC.
Assignment specifics
Read the whole document and, in writing, complete each exercise (1-5).
 Read “Providing an Argument [literary commentary].”
o
Complete exercise 1.
 Read “Commentary Skills—Thesis, Introduction, Conclusion.”
 Read “Introductions and Conclusions [paper 1].”
o
Complete exercise 2.
o
Complete exercise 3.
 Read “Introduction and conclusion practice.”
o
Complete exercise 4 (and 5).
You are not required to type this. If you type this, you may email it to me or submit it to Edmodo. If
you choose to do that, you need to make sure you get it done before the start of class. Any technical
difficulties must be handled beforehand. Again, you are not required to type this.
Sources:
Tyson, Hannah and Mark Beverley. English A: Literature for the IB Diploma. Oxford: Oxford UP, 2012.
Print. Oxford IB Skills and Practice Ser.
Tyson, Hannah and Mark Beverley. IB Course Companion: English A Literature. Oxford University Press:
2011. Print.
More resources on Introductions and Conclusions:
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Seven Ways to Write an Introduction
Writing Effective Lead-Ins
Strategies for Writing a Conclusion
Conclusions
Providing an Argument [literary commentary]
The best [literary commentaries] are organized in such a way as to develop a particular line of
interpretation, evaluation, or 'reading'. One way of doing this is to foreground one of the main areas of
significance, for example: the most important idea to emerge, a key opposition or contrast, or a point
about the way the extract develops. This is a bit like fixing up a washing line from which to hang the rest
of your main points in order to provide a sense of focus and direction for them.
Read the poem:
The Sunlight on the Garden
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The sunlight on the garden
Hardens and grows cold,
We cannot cage the minute
Within its nets of gold,
When all is told
We cannot beg for pardon.
Our freedom as free lances
Advances towards its end;
The earth compels, upon it
Sonnets and birds descend;
And soon, my friend,
We shall have no time for
dances.
The sky was good for flying
Defying the church bells
And every evil iron
Siren and what it tells:
The earth compels,
We are dying, Egypt, dying
And not expecting pardon,
Hardened in heart anew,
But glad to have sat under
Thunder and rain with you,
And grateful too
For sunlight in the garden.
Louis MacNeice
Sample commentary on “The Sunlight in the Garden”
Introduction: In this poem, Louis MacNeice focuses on 'sunlight' and a literal garden through which to
explore concerns with the past, the nature of loss and the passing of time. He makes extensive use of
figurative, natural imagery and sound to create a lyrical, but quite melancholic mood, but this is
redeemed in the final stanza when the speaker appears to be more accepting of the problem of change.
I.
The opening of the poem contrasts the beauty of the garden with the impact of time.
II.
In stanza two the theme of the inevitability of time is brought to bear on the notion of freedom.
III.
Imagery in the third stanza introduces the notion of things having passed and there is
recognition of the finality of death.
IV.
The poem concludes with a shift in tone, however, as the speaker emphasizes love as a means
to overcome the problem of time.
V.
The poem's use of sound and rhythm is key to its atmospheric quality and the sense of a
'natural' speaking voice.
Conclusion: Language and form are therefore essential to this poem. Whilst it is concerned, ultimately,
with loss and suffering as inevitable consequences of the problem of time and death, MacNeice makes
use of figurative imagery and musical elements of sound and rhythm to highlight the transformative
power of the imagination. In this way, love is shown to be something that can be preserved and, in a
sense, the problem of time something that can be overcome.
Exercise 1
Above you will see how the student has organized her commentary on the poem. Answer the following
questions:
1. What has she chosen to include in her introduction? Do you think it is effective?
2. What kind of structure has she chosen to adopt? Discuss whether you think it works.
3. From the notes she made above, what key ideas has she chosen to focus on? What does
selecting ideas in this way indicate to the examiner?
4. What do you think of her conclusion?
5. In what sense has she provided an argument, or 'reading'?
Commentary Skills – Thesis, Introduction, Conclusion
How do I come up with a line of interpretation - a ‘thesis’?
There is no easy answer to this but try to think of a thesis as the washing line on which the rest of your
points are going to hang. Hopefully, the following might provide you with some starting points:
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Identify the most important feature of content and ask yourself what is being suggested about
that feature of content.
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Alternatively, what is the most important aspect of style? In two of the statements in the
previous activity, imagery and structure are highlighted as features of literary craft that arguably
contribute a great deal to the way a particular theme is presented.
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Look for contrasts. More often than not, short extracts will make use of significant oppositions whether between ideas, sections of the text or perhaps such things as strands of imagery.
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Development: is there an underlying sense of transition in the poem or extract - whether in
terms of its ideas, the content, or its language and style?
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Conflict: our interest in prose, poetry and drama very frequently comes from the establishment
of some kind of central tension, whose resolution (or lack of it) is often responsible for
maintaining our interest.
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Why, in essence, do you think this is a good piece of writing?
By now, you will have come to understand the interactive nature of the reading process. The text
presents itself in the form of black shapes on the page, and you find meaning in those black shapes by
responding to the denotations of the words, their connotative implications and the various literary
features through which everything is crafted. What you bring to the text is every bit as important as the
way the text works on its own. Indeed, it is perhaps true to say that the text wouldn't ‘mean’ anything
without you there to make sense of it - just as the tree in the forest can't make any noise unless there is
someone there to hear it.
Consider:
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Visual appearance on the page
The title (if included)
First impressions
Content
Style
Then:
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Identify the most important aspects
Develop a unifying argument
How should I approach the introduction and conclusion to my commentary?
Students often find writing introductions and conclusions quite a challenge and, although it is important
not to treat them as all the same, you could consider a number of things that might help.
Samples will be in reference to the following poem:
Magician
What matters more than practice
is the fact that you, my audience,
are pulling for me, want me to pull
it off – this next sleight. Now
you see it. Something more than
whether I succeed’s at stake.
This talk is called patter. This
is misdirection – how my left
hand shows you nothing’s in it.
Nothing is. I count on your mistake
of caring. In my right hand your
undoing blooms like cancer.
But I’ve shown you that already –
empty. Most tricks are done
before you think they’ve started – you
who value space more than time.
The balls, the cards, the coins – they go
into the past, not into my pocket.
If I give you anything, be sure
it’s not important. What I keep
keeps me alive – a truth on which
your interest hinges. We are like
lovers, if you will. Sometimes even
if you don’t will. Now you don’t.
Gary Miranda
Introduction
Getting introductions right can be one of the hardest but most significant things in your commentary.
Partly because it is the first this that is heard/read, but also because it is the place in which your essay is
provided with a clear sense of direction.
Your introduction might want to include:
 A statement of the subject of the passage and some brief comment about on the way the
passage develops the subject
 A reference to one or two key features of language and style
 A “signpost” that indicates the direction, the line of argument and/or interpretation the
commentary is going to follow
Introduction 1
'Magician', by Gary Miranda, is a
poem in which the mental
processes of a magician are
being explored immediately
before, during and after he has
performed a magic trick for an
audience. While this task would
seem to be quite innocent,
Miranda is able to make the task
appear quite sinister by setting a
tone that evokes both fear and
uncertainty in the reader. This is
done primarily through the
controlling of pace with caesurae
and enjambment, and also by
Miranda's choice of menacing
vocabulary.
Introduction 2
The poem 'Magician' is as clever
and deft as the tricks it
describes. Through the use of
concealed metaphor, combined
with terse and logical language,
Miranda exposes the human
desire to hide from the harsh
realities of life and conveys to
the reader that people cannot
turn to 'magic' for answers - we
must discover them for
ourselves.
Introduction 3
This poem, 'Magician', by Gary
Miranda, focuses on the
relationship between a magician
and his audience. He compares
this relationship to that of
'lovers' and in doing so explores
the tension between truth and
deception. The first-person
narrative is important to the
poem as we gain a glimpse into
both the public identity of this
entertainer, as well as the
somewhat disturbing exploration
of his private thoughts and
feelings.
Although the three introductions are fairly different in nature, the second being quite ‘personal’ in its
reading, the first and third a little more objective, perhaps, they seem nevertheless to include similar
things.
It would be wrong to suggest that you should always adopt the above formula in your approach to
writing introductions to commentaries, but at least you now have a sense of the kinds of things which
might be considered appropriate.
Conclusion
In the past, you may have been told to treat your conclusion as a summary of your main ideas. While
there is an element of truth in this, just to repeat the things you have already said seems rather
pointless and repetitive. Try to think of your conclusion as a means to address some of the following:
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In summary, what is the most important thing your commentary has attempted to say? For
instance, take us back to your basic line of argument: what have you tried to argue in this
commentary?
What has the poem or prose extract in essence suggested about its central subject?
What do you feel is the most significant strength of the poem or prose extract? Is there a key
component/stylistic feature from which it gains its main effect?
Does the poem or prose extract have any kind of 'message'? What does it fundamentally say
about human experience or the human condition? In what way does it connect to real life?
What's the main effect of the poem or prose extract in terms of the reader?
Read through the following three concluding paragraphs of a commentary written in response to the
poem 'Magician'. What do you feel are the strengths and weaknesses of each conclusion?
Conclusion 1
The poem, 'Magician', by Gary
Miranda, is one of rising and
falling tension as the sinister
inner-thoughts of a performing
magician are explored. The very
clever way in which Miranda
associates fear with the magician
is highlighted by his use of
structuring to affect tone. The
excitement created throughout
the initial stanza enthralls the
reader into a poem that at first
sight seems shallow. The depth
of the poem is however made
clear by the final message
presented in the last lines. This
message being of the importance
of understanding that which is
happening around us, not just in
the physical world that we can
see but also in regard to those
important things we cannot
always see.
Conclusion 2
Ultimately, it is the absence of
poetry in 'Magician' that makes
its message so effective, and
shows the reader that God does
not exist. Miranda's deft and
adroit language both exposes
human weakness and points to
where the real answers can be
found.
Conclusion 3
To conclude, 'Magician' ends up
being a poem concerned with the
nature of human flaws - the
willingness of people without
power to be manipulated and
controlled, and the weakness of
those in power who depend on
commendations given to them
for their sense of security. The
apparent simplicity of the
language and form of the poem
reinforces its basic theme: it is in
fact quite a complex work, and so
the reader - like the audience has
also been deceived.
Introductions and Conclusions [paper 1]
The most important thing, perhaps, is to demonstrate…a sense of being in control, that you have a
reading of the poem or extract that you want to persuade us the validity of.
Read the poem:
In the Rear-View Mirror
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Thinking about them as you saw them last,
you see them standing there behind your back,
leaning out into the road to wave goodbye,
lingering even as growing speed and distance
diminish them until they neatly fit
head to foot in the mirror-strip you glance at.
Tiny in your lengthening wake, still waving,
they could be nameless people on a postcard,
too far away for you to make out faces.
Then, at the first turn, they’re lost completely,
places taken by someone’s windbreak pines,
a split-rail fence, and then, as the wheel straightens,
nothing but empty road. Ahead of you
are towns where you will never know a soul,
exits following exits you will pass
and never take, amassing a stiff toll
finally to make good on. Fortunately
you carry along with you that higher-powered
reflective instrument that you can use
no matter how far down the road you’ve gone
to bring them back in view as large as life,
putting yourself in the picture, too, which makes
thinking about them as you saw them lasting.
Robert Shaw, Below the Surface (1999)
Exercise 2
Read through the following introductory paragraphs, each written by a different student but in
response to the above poem. In writing, discuss the different ways in which they fulfill the suggestions
made above about the role/s of an introduction. Be sure to address both.
Introduction 1:
The poem 'In the Rear- View Mirror' by Robert Shaw explores the common experience of having to say
goodbye to people you are close to. The speaker of the poem suggests that this experience is inevitable
in life, as we keep having to say goodbye to our loved ones. The poet creates a sense of nostalgia by
using mirrors both literally and figuratively and makes use of the structure of the poem to say something
about the inevitability of time passing and the present always moving into the past.
Introduction 2:
'In the Rear-View Mirror' by Robert Shaw is a poem about a car journey away from a familiar place into
the unknown, through which a more metaphorical journey is implied. In response to the possibility of an
empty, unknown future, the speaker seems concerned with the importance of memory and the security
we often find in preserving the past. The poem's intimate, informal voice draws the reader into the
poem so that, alongside the speaker, we are also invited to think about the relationship between
absence and presence.
Exercise 3
Read through the following concluding paragraphs from the same students. In writing, discuss the
different ways in which they fulfill the suggestions made above about the role/s of a conclusion. Be sure
to address both.
Conclusion 1:
Overall, 'In the Rear-View Mirror' by Robert Shaw effectively portrays the importance of the past and
the role of memory as a figurative journey through life, represented by a mundane car journey To me,
the greatest significance of the poem is the message that memories can affect feelings of both loss and
nostalgia and in this sense can be both positive and negative. We want to remember people and events
but sometimes experience pain in that they are no longer with us. In this way, the final effect of the
poem for me is quite ambiguous.
Conclusion 2:
In conclusion, this poem explores the power of memory. Whilst the first section of the poem portrays a
sense of loss, the second provides a degree of balance through ideas of return. Metaphors to do with
distance and journeys are used throughout, ultimately pointing out the whereas [sic] actual experience
diminishes, memory is unlimited and in that way, timeless.
Introduction and conclusion practice
Read the prose extract:
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The room was full of people, young black men and women, even a few children. As her
apprehension grew into a sudden shyness, Devi reassured herself that this was just like India-the
throng of voices competing with the loud, blaring music, the high-pitched voices of excited
children in the background.
They spoke to each other, over the music, in a shorthand that fascinated Devi, but she could
not bring herself to play impostor and speak like them.
The more serious conversations, carried out in little huddles in various corners of the room,
were about being black in white America. Devi leaned forward to listen to an intense young
woman with a spectacular head of a hundred little plaits. Her frizzy, snake-like braids were held
in place with blue and green beads at regular intervals.
"So this nurse-all polite and freezing cold-I had paid for the hospital room, see-said, 'I'll take
the baby to the nursery for the night, you get some rest alone.' She didn't want me to be
disturbed by my baby. 'Disturbed!' I screamed into her icy face. 'When are you people going to
learn that black love is black wealth?'"
Devi saw the principle of the thing, she admired this beautiful spitfire who was so sure of
her rights, and of the inevitable chorus of confirmation she would draw out of her audience. But
Devi also found she had less and less to say, and she spent the entire evening quiet, watching.
The music throbbed in her head, and she listened to snatches of conversation, words that
drifted by and that she recognized, but separate, fragmented, like words in a foreign language
she had recently learnt, but still could not put together to make sense.
Devi sat surrounded by people, in increasing isolation, terrified of drawing attention to
herself, but aching for any means to do just that.
Hours later, her eyes watering in the smoke-filled room, she remembered she had brought
the host an Indian gift, a wall hanging of cotton cloth, hand-printed with vegetable dye. The host
held it up for them all to see, and they looked at the blue, baby-faced man on the cloth, barechested and crowned with a peacock feather, dancing as he played the flute. For the first time,
the image struck Devi as almost grotesque: a grown man, practically naked, wearing a perpetual
baby-mask.
"That's Krishna, the dark god who loved milk, butter and women," said Devi.
"They couldn't bear to have a black god, so they made him blue, huh?" said the intent young
woman Devi had earlier admired. She smiled, but her voice was edged with contempt.
Devi laughed with the rest of them, but she knew she had brought the wrong gift. A brass
goddess holding a lamp could have been used as an ethnic ashtray. Or safer still, a bottle of
wine. It would have been less original, but it would not have set her apart from the others with
such finality.
Githa Hariharan, The Thousand Faces in Night
Exercise 4 (and 5)
Below is a student response to passage. The introduction and conclusion have been removed. Your job is
to write them.
The emotional journey that Devi undergoes is emphasized by the continuous change of feelings and
emotional states that take place within her. Initially the situation is chaotic as she finds herself "in a
room…full of people" and her "shyness" is evident as she tries to convince herself "that this is just
like India". As the passage develops however, she realizes that she is not part of this culture and
everything about it seems unfamiliar. The "words ... drifted by': "separate", "fragmented" which reflect
her internal emotions of confusion and uncertainty as she is unable to make sense of the situation
around her. Devi’s "increasing isolation" is shown as she cannot "draw attention to herself" as she is
overpowered by the dominant black culture characterised by "loud voices" and "music ". By the end of
the extract Devi’s separation becomes permanent as she "sets" herself "apart from the other".
Therefore her emotional development is paralleled by a development in her relationship with the
people surrounding her as well as dramatizing the contrast between the dominating black culture and
her inability to fit in as she remains in a paradoxical situation "surrounded by people" yet "in increasing
isolation".
A particularly powerful element through which this cultural hierarchy is established is through the
use of dialogue, as the black woman s voice predominates. Devi seems to remain passive as she hears all
their "conversations" about "being black in white America". This is ironic as they themselves are
effectively outsiders in a white culture but yet they are unable to accept Devi as she is different to them.
Devi is fascinated by this "intense young woman" who embodies the black culture with her "spectacular
head of a hundred plaits". Everything that she says has an aggressive undertone, when she describes the
"nurse" with the "polite and freezing" manners and her "icy face". The sense of coldness is juxtaposed
with the "black love" which the woman refers to as being "black wealth" showing how proud she is of
her own roots and cultures. Even when Devi offers them her gift, the woman reads it as an attack and
immediately mocks Devi by stating that "they couldn't bear to have a black god, so they made him blue,
huh?" The use of the personal pronoun "they", further emphasized the sense of separation between
Devi and the other people as she is not a part of them. This also shows that the woman is aware of the
wider social context and prejudices surrounding her but she is still able to be "sure of her rights" and
speak up, whilst Devi in opposition remains "quiet" and is merely a passive observer.
The notion of loneliness and isolation is further explored through the presentation of cultural
identity. Devi initially recalls her own country as a means of reassuring herself but by the end she is
embarrassed by it. She leans "forward", she "listens" and throughout the passage she identifies the
woman as something "spectacular", something exotic with her "frizzy, snake-like braids". On a literal
level she is able to "admire this beautiful spitfire" but on a more metaphorical level, it reflects her
longing to be accepted and her suffering because of her inability to integrate. She feels like an
"impostor" and she realizes that she cannot pretend to be something that she is not. The climax of this
cultural tension is reached when she presents the "Indian gift" to the "host", effectively sharing a small
part of her own culture with them and she suddenly exposes herself. Her own perspective changes and
for the first time she sees the "blue, baby-faced man on the cloth, bare-chested and crowned with a
peacock feather" become a "grotesque figure" of a "grown man, practically naked wearing a perpetual
baby mask". This transformation parallels the development in Devl's feelings as she is herself trying to
put up a "mask" and be someone that she is not, by the end of the passage she is ashamed of her own
identity as her desire to integrate intensifies. The mask is "perpetual" it is everlasting; this adjective also
builds up to the concluding sentence which establishes the finality of her separation within this
community.