From: PBS Parents
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Boys in School
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Experience the differences between boys and girls.
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Is It the Boy — Or is It the School?
"The culture of schools, especially for young children, is much more feminine than masculine.
There are almost no male early childhood educators. Many teachers of young children find
boys' interests in violence, gross things, and bodily functions to be boring or stupid. We need to
recognize that many of us have 'internal prejudices' against these interests. Just as we used to
ask ourselves in the '70s, 'In what ways am I being sexist in my treatment of girls?' we now have
to ask, 'In what ways are we disapproving of boys' interests in our classrooms?' "
Joseph Tobin, Ph.D.
Professor of Early Childhood Education, Arizona State University. Author, Good Guys Don't
Wear Hats
Some boys thrive in school. There are more "boy geniuses" than "girl geniuses" and there are
more boys in the top 1 percent of the IQ scale than there are girls.
But many boys don't fare as well — and for the majority of them, school may not be as a good a
fit as it is for girls. "There is no single boy experience at school because there is a wide range of
boys — and some take to school and some don't," says Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author,
Raising Cain. "But for the average boy, school is not as good a fit as it is for the average girl.
More boys have problems with attention and focus than girls. Because of their higher activity
level, boys are likely to get into more trouble than girls. And they are not given enough
opportunities to move around — both in actual physical activity and in how they learn —
because they spend too much time sitting and not enough time learning by doing, making and
building things."
The statistics tell an alarming tale:
According to the National Center for Educational Statistics:

Boys are 30 percent more likely than girls to flunk or drop out of school;

When it comes to grades and homework, girls outperform boys in elementary,
secondary, high school, college, and even graduate school;

Boys are four to five times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD);

Women outnumber men in higher education with 56 percent of bachelor's degrees and
55 percent of graduate degrees going to women.
According to the U.S. Department of Education:

Boys make up two-thirds of the students in special education and are five times more
likely to be classified as hyperactive.
Parents of boys — stay calm! While the statistics are disturbing, they don't describe every boy
— or necessarily your boy — but they do raise concerns about many boys' school experience.
"The odds are that if you come from a family that values education, your boy will be successful
in school and will go on to college. Most boys do. However, the average American boy is
struggling in school," advises Michael Thompson.
What's the Problem with School?
Judging Our Boys
"Too often, we disapprove of what's in boys' minds, both in school and at home. Boys' mothers
and female teachers find some of their favorite thoughts, like 'good guys making the world safe
by killing bad guys,' disturbing. Afraid that these thoughts indicate a worrisome propensity to
violence, adults try to prohibit these thoughts and the toys that represent them, although boys
see images all around them encouraging the fantasies and recommending the toys. Prohibited
from the physical activity they need, criticized for the content of their minds, and required to
do work they cannot do as well as the little girls around them, it is not surprising that some of
these boys get off to a bad start, giving up before they have begun."
Jane Katch, M.S.T.
Kindergarten Teacher, Touchstone Community School, Grafton, Massachusetts. Author, Under
Deadman's Skin: Discovering the Meaning of Children's Violent Play.
While there has been great (and valid) concern about the achievements of girls in our
educational system, most of the gains in American education over the last thirty years have
been achieved by girls. So what's happening to America's boys when they go to school?
The average boy is less mature than the average girl when he starts school. By school age, the
average boy is less mature socially, less verbal, and more active than most of the girls. "We ask
too much of boys developmentally in the early years and they taste too much failure and
frustration in school," says Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Schools, not boys, have changed. Children are now taught to read in kindergarten when many
young boys are not as skilled verbally as girls. "At age five, many boys are not ready to learn to
read," says teacher Jane Katch, author of Under Deadman's Skin. "When I began teaching in the
'70s, children were not expected to read in kindergarten. Some first grade teachers actually
preferred that children learn the alphabet in first grade, where they could learn to do it 'the
right way'!"
The elementary classroom is four-fifths language based, and girls are, on average, stronger
than boys in language."Boys start slower in the areas of reading and writing. This is true not
only in the United States, but also in each of the 30 countries involved in a recent international
study. I feel that boys in the United States develop an idea early on that they are not good at
the kind of literacy schools require. And then a deficit or problem becomes an identity. By the
time boys reach middle school, or even the upper elementary grades, they lack the fluency and
sometimes practice to be successful. When they reach high school they develop coping
strategies where they fake it," comments Thomas Newkirk, Ph.D. author of Misreading
Masculinity.
Boys are more active than many girls and have trouble sitting still for long periods of time.
Experts agree that physical play is essential for boys and girls, particularly young children in the
motor stage of development. In fact, moving around helps them learn. But many schools have
cut down on recess and outdoor play in order to make time for meeting state academic
requirements. "Today, most kindergarten curricula expect boys to sit still much of the day and
to do written work that many of them cannot master. Our demand for more and earlier skills,
of exactly the type that boys are less able to master than girls, makes them feel like failures at
an early age," says Jane Katch. "The most tiring thing you can ask a boy to do is sit down. It's
appropriate to expect for kids to sit still for part of the day, but not all of the day," adds Joseph
Tobin.
Many schools don't offer enough hands-on learning opportunities."There is evidence boys
learn best when learning is hands-on. Boys may be disadvantaged when they don't get to learn
through their bodies, by touching and moving. However, with the new academic push and focus
on literacy we see that type of learning relegated to 'play areas,' and even these areas have
been taken out of some kindergarten and even preschool classes. So with the emphasis on
reading, there is an imbalance — an over-focus on reading instead of manipulating actual
things," explains Tobin.
Most elementary school teachers are women. Therefore, there are few male models for
learning as a masculine pursuit."Many boys don't feel that they can grow up to be masculine
men by being good at school. Girls often feel that you can be a successful girl and woman by
doing well in school," adds Thompson.
Many female teachers may unconsciously prefer girls' interests (diaries and first-person
narratives) over boys' interests like comic books and science fiction."I've visited schools and
taught teachers for over twenty years," comments Tobin. "I've observed that in many preschool
or early grade classrooms, teachers will try to be balanced in their choice of read-aloud books,
but it's only natural and inevitable that they fall back on favorites. Since almost all teachers of
young children are women, books they are most enthusiastic about are generally more
feminine than masculine in taste. It's not that boys aren't interested in a good story, but their
non-narrative interests are not always supported and female teachers are often uncomfortable
with the narrative themes boys find more interesting, like science fiction, robots, machines,
etc."
Is School a Bad Fit for Boys?
Are We Medicating Boys Because They Are Boys?
"A small percentage of boys, perhaps 3 to 5 percent, are so distractible, impulsive and have so
much difficulty following conventional rules that they find school unbearable. For these ADHDdiagnosed boys, medication may make all the difference in their ability to manage the demands
of school. However, as greater numbers of boys are diagnosed with ADHD, we have to ask: are
they being diagnosed because they are genuinely learning disabled, or are they being
medicated because they are boys? Some teachers seem to have little tolerance for boy energy
and want them fixed so that they can fit into the classroom better; other teachers, both women
and men, work extremely well with even the most active boys."
Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Co-Author, Raising Cain; Host, PBS documentary, RAISING CAIN
Why don't young boys do as well as girls in school? Do the requirements of school make it hard
for some young boys to get along with teachers and succeed at learning? Is the problem at
school — at home — and in the media?
Boys act out in school to assert their masculinity."Boys tend to resist female authority, in order
to feel sufficiently masculine," says Tobin. "A lot of boy behaviors considered resistant or
naughty are simply boys' ways of asserting their masculinity. And the resulting punishment
feels like an attack on the boys' masculinity, so the battle escalates."
Boys get into more trouble in school than girls. Boys are more likely to end up in the principal's
office for disciplinary reasons because they are so active when they are with other boys. Boys
can come to resent school for that reason.
Physical activity is limited in many schools. Budget cuts and inadequate facilities have caused
some schools to limit gym facilities, or not to offer quality physical activity. And often, recess is
taken away from children as punishment.
Many fathers only show up for athletic events. They are not closely involved with academic
pursuits. Boys whose fathers do attend PTA meetings tend to get better grades than boys
whose fathers don't pay attention to academics.
The media shows few images of academically successful men. Television, movies and video
games focus on men of action, men with guns, and especially men who are good at sports.
Practical Strategies
Boys Can Learn Literacy
"With the exception of the slow start boys get, I doubt that there is any fundamental biological
reason why almost all of them can't become proficient readers and writers. I just feel we can't
give up on them; we can't accept the idea that they just aren't naturally good at language (any
more than we can accept the claim that girls aren't good at math —they're proving now that
they can do just fine)."
Thomas Newkirk, Ph.D.
Professor of English, University of New Hampshire. Author, Misreading Masculinity
At times, the problems for boys in school seem insurmountable. Fortunately, simple, practical
strategies have been offered by the same experts who criticize the ways things are. Their
suggestions apply to boys in preschool, elementary, and middle school and may be helpful to
teachers and parents.
Let them play. Give boys lots of opportunities for physical activity and don't expect them to sit
still for long periods of time. "Play is the work of childhood, it's how kids learn social skills and
develop verbal skills, and it's vanishing from the classroom. Kids are not being allowed to play
enough in school, both indoors and outdoors," says Jane Katch.
Create learning activities where boys use their bodies. "Boys learn best when learning is
'hands-on.' They learn by touching, moving, climbing on, and building things. They solve
problems physically — so if kids are handling real things, they will learn more effectively. This
applies to kindergarten and throughout their school experience," says Joseph Tobin.
Let boys read (and listen to) books that appeal to their interests. "Know your boys, know their
passions, and know what books can speak to those passions. Boys are open to reading — if they
can make their own choices. We read to connect to interests we have — and literacy
piggybacks on those interests," says Thomas Newkirk. "I tell my prospective teachers that they
should have at least a thousand books in their heads — possibilities for students to read. Unless
we can build a base in reading thousands and thousands of words our students will never be
able to read the classics. And by reading, I think we need to look at all kinds of reading —
magazines, graphic novels, humor, etc. — and not just classical literature."
Read aloud to boys and have them read aloud to you. "One practice that is critical is reading
aloud to boys. This stops way too early in homes and in schools. Reading aloud is a bridge to
reading the child might do later on, independently," advises Newkirk.
Allow boys to write about what interests them instead of what interests you. "When children
are learning to write, give them opportunities to write about subjects that are most meaningful
to them — what they love, what they hate, what scares them and what excites them,"
recommends Katch. "This way they will learn the power and significance of using the written
word to communicate. If they write in a way that causes others to be disturbed, then talk about
ways they can write what is important to them without disturbing others rather than
prohibiting their expression. I personally think Pokemon is boring but I know a boy who wrote
27 books about it and went from being a non-writer to a terrific writer. Another"" practice is
connecting writing to digital storytelling. I think we need to conceptualize reading and writing
as multi-modal involving not only print but music, visuals, and more," adds Newkirk.
Allow discussion of topics boys may want to talk about (but teachers and girls may not). "In a
classroom that allows boys' thoughts and fantasies to be expressed in their stories and their
play, controversial issues will come up. In my class, some children did not want to hear any
story that contained killing," notes Katch. "But several boys complained that their stories of
good guys and bad guys sometimes need to contain killing off the bad guy. When we discussed
the problem, the children realized that everyone thought it was all right to kill the bad guys;
there were objections only when a character was killed who was not clearly bad. So the boys
agreed that they would only kill off evil characters. The children realized that by talking about
what was important to them, they could communicate with each other and come to an
agreement that felt right to everyone."
Allow boys to express humor in appropriate ways and at appropriate times. "Include satire,
parody, and humor in the curriculum, and don't be too hard on boys who are class clowns.
Instead, acknowledge the boy's skill at being humorous. If the boy gets credit for this quality, he
may not repeat the behavior. If you treat a clown as your biggest problem you are creating a
conflict. Treat that boy with respect and respectfully ask him to make jokes at another time, if
they get out of control," advises Joseph Tobin. "Sometimes, you just have to have a sense of
humor about the boy's sense of humor. Most teachers I know admit that as annoying as boy
humor can be, it can also brighten up the day," adds Michael Thompson.
Logical Solutions
Creating Boy-Friendly Schools
"To make schools more effective for young boys, we need to offer activities young boys can do
successfully. Play — which has been disappearing from the preschool and kindergarten
curriculum — needs to be put back because it helps with social and emotional development.
Teachers should encourage boys to tell stories and engage in interesting conversations,
because these activities build important verbal skills, essential for future reading. Whenever
pre-reading skills are taught, they need to be developmentally appropriate, so that boys are not
discouraged from trying in the future."
Jane Katch, M.S.T.
Kindergarten Teacher, Touchstone Community School, Grafton, Massachusetts. Author, Under
Deadman's Skin: Discovering the Meaning of Children's Violent Play.
Our RAISING CAIN experts recommend the following solutions to help boys succeed in school.
They may help teachers as well as parents work with their boys.
Don't eliminate recess as a punishment. Experts report that eliminating active play reduces
children's attention in school and their potential for learning."You should no more drop recess
than you should reading. Eliminating recess only heightens boys' active and aggressive
impulses," says Joseph Tobin. "The very boys who tend to be punished are the ones who most
need physical release from their tension. If we take away their only opportunity to deal with
that stress, they may become more tense and then find it even more difficult to sit still and
focus on their schoolwork," adds Jane Katch. She uses a 'time-in' instead of a 'time-out'
approach in her classroom. "If a child can not control his behavior, he has to be near me until
he can regain control so that I can be there to support him if he needs help. If we're outdoors,
I'll have the child play in the sandbox near the teachers. But he does not have to sit still,
thinking about how unfair I'm being to him, building up more anger and frustration. If we're
indoors, he may have to play or work near me." Michael Thompson advises, "With an older boy,
instead of having him sit still make him do some community service work — cleaning up, make
him helpful, but keep him active."
Set clear limits for boys. Discipline" in class is very important. It is vital that a teacher be clear
about what she or he wants, and quick to address boys who break the rules. Boys respect
clarity and strength. At the same time, it is important not to humiliate or shame a boy. Boys are
very sensitive to shame and are likely to go to war with a teacher who humiliates them
publicly," recommends Thompson.
Create rules for safe play in the classroom."With young boys in particular, it's essential to set
clear rules prohibiting real aggression — activities where someone could be hurt either
emotionally or physically," notes Katch. Her constructive rules include:
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No hitting, kicking and pushing.

No touching when you pretend to fight.
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You have to stop when the person you are playing with says to stop.
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You can't pretend to shoot anybody who doesn't like it.
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If one child is disturbed by another's play you might suggest, "You can only kill the bad
guys but not the good guys."
Talk with and listen to your boys instead of lecturing. "Too often we lecture boys, trying to get
in all of our advice before we lose their attention. It is much better to ask short, yes or no
questions of a boy, and keep it up until he knows you are taking him seriously. If you use a boy
as a consultant and problem-solver, you are likely to keep him engaged in conversation," says
Thompson.
Compliment your boys on what they do well. "A simple, 'That's great!' or 'Good job' and a pat
on the back will go a long way with a boy. All boys want to be respected; they want to make
adults smile, though they may pretend it isn't important to them," recommends Thompson.
Develop ways to help your boy with school in ways that are sensitive to his needs. "If you
have a boy who needs physical activity to deal with stress, make it a top priority to make sure
he gets that physical release. For some boys, organized sports that require large amounts of
waiting for turns and listening to directions may not be as useful as more spontaneous and free
play, such as outdoor play or swimming. If the school system seems to be punitive and makes
your boy increasingly upset, talk first with the teacher and then, if necessary with the
administration. Try to work with them to set up a plan that will set clear limits for your boy
without humiliating him and without taking away the physical activity that he needs," advises
Katch.
The Search for Masculinity
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How does a boy become a man?
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Love the Kid You've Got
"This struggle is particularly tough on boys who don't meet traditional notions of masculinity. In
first grade, a boy may be told by other boys: we don't play with girls anymore. But if he still
wants to play with girls, he may get teased for it. He may start to pay a price for not acting like
the other boys. You can't push or pressure your child to be the man he isn't, or to excel in ways
he can't. Love the kid you've got."
Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Co-Author, Raising Cain; Host, PBS documentary, RAISING CAIN
Figuring out the rules of masculinity and trying to live up to them is part of every boy's
childhood. Most boys find the "tests of" masculinity scary and hard to pass. And some boys find
this process especially painful because they feel they don't have the right skills and interests to
be successful at being a boy.
"Parents are often baffled by why boys work so hard at being boys,"says Michael Thompson,
Ph.D., host of the PBS RAISING CAIN documentary. "Sometimes they wish their boys could just
be themselves' and not constantly measure themselves against the societal standard of
masculinity. But boys do this, whether you like it or not (as girls do with femininity). Only in
time do children develop a sufficiently independent identity so they can say with confidence
and pride, 'That's not me. This is who I am.'"
Children come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities. They grow up to develop very different
passions and talents. But according to Thompson, they all share one thing: "Every child has to
come to grips with society's image of what is masculine and what is feminine. These
expectations begin to influence them the moment a child is born, when parents pick up their
baby girl and say, 'Isn't she sweet, isn't she beautiful?' They pick up their sons and they say,
'Isn't he handsome? He's going to be a big, strong boy.' These messages continue when boys
and girls start to play separately at around age three, and both the boys' group and the girls'
group begin to define what boys do and what girls do. And these gender expectations can be
tough on boys who don't fit society's model."
So how can parents help their boys make it through? "It doesn't help boys to pretend that
standards for masculinity don't exist," advises Thompson. Instead, Thompson and our other
RAISING CAIN experts recommend you start by supporting and appreciating your boy's struggle,
reassuring him that some stuff doesn't really matter, while acknowledging why it's important to
him. It also helps to discuss, dissect, analyze and put in perspective what the search for
masculinity is all about. "It doesn't help boys to pretend that standards for masculinity don't
exist, because boys will look at you like you're crazy. They know the rules and you can't give
your child a waiver even if you want to,"notes Thompson.
"Gender expectations are socially constructed, ruthlessly enforced and powerful," adds Joseph
Tobin, Ph.D., author of Good Guys Don't Wear Hats and Professor of Education at Arizona State
University. "We should talk with boys about the reality of gender expectations, and help them
brainstorm about how to negotiate this problem. If a little boy is struggling to feel adequately
masculine by acting tough, it's not helpful to criticize or mock his interests. The fact is that all
men struggle with this issue and none of us has it figured out."
Growing Up Masculine
Learning the Rules
"Boys are really desperate to understand how to become men. And they often are taught by their peers
and older boys that there are certain things that will prevent you from becoming a man. These things
are associated with what boys would define as soft and some of us would define as kind and caring. We
have to help boys understand that growing into a man is not something that your actions or your beliefs
can prevent from happening. That the standards of manhood are not defined by street culture but are
defined by a set of values surrounding family, self and community."
Geoffrey Canada
Author, Fist Stick Knife Gun, a Personal History of Violence in America.
President and CEO, Harlem Children's Zone
Why do young boys want to be masculine from an early age and why do they work so hard at it? Our
RAISING CAIN experts offer their theories about why boys strive to be men, starting in preschool.
Certain "male" behaviors may be inborn." Boys may be biologically programmed to behave in certain
ways that we define as masculine," says Thompson. For example, boys in all cultures around the world
like to wrestle, and do a lot more of it than girls do. And when boys wrestle and roughhouse, parents
typically say, 'Boys will be boys.' In this way, society expects and condones this type of behavior.
Boys pay attention to what society expects of them and act accordingly." I once asked a group of high
school boys what the biggest influence on their definition of masculinity was," comments Thompson.
"They told me it was ads they had seen on television, especially ads with football players." Even the
youngest of boys pick up expectations through what they experience in the media and by what others
say to them. And many wind up thinking, "I am a boy; therefore, I want to do boy things' and look
around for socially accepted 'boy activities.'"
"Lots of boys pick strong messages about who they are and who they want to be from the media," says
Geoffrey Canada, President and CEO of the Harlem Children's Zone and author of Fist Stick Knife Gun, a
Personal History of Violence in America."The music industry presents overtly sexual messages that
denigrate women and portray them as sex toys. Video games offer violent messages, and even the
sports video games include taunting and teasing. Movies portray men as tough guys. And there are the
subtle advertising messages aimed at boys, in the liquor ads on billboards and buses. All of these offer
images of masculinity that boys strive to achieve."
The first divide is between boys and girls. As soon as kids enter preschool, boys and girls (once friends)
begin to play and socialize separately. By the time they reach elementary school this divide becomes
permanent. "At age five, a boy often discovers that the rules are unyielding," says kindergarten teacher
Jane Katch, author of Under Deadman's Skin: Discovering the Meaning of Children's Violent Play."If girls
enjoy a game of cross-hand clapping, then it is forbidden for boys. If girls play mothers and babies in the
house area, boys put the dolls in the oven and pretend to cook them."
Boys imitate and emulate their fathers. Boys want to grow up to be like their fathers. "The human brain
is wired for imitation. Every boy loves his father and wants to be able to do what he does, both to honor
him, to earn his praise, and to compete with him," notes Thompson. "Men are extremely important in
giving boys messages about being a man," adds Canada. "Boys want to grow up to be like their male role
models. And boys who grow up in homes with absent fathers search the hardest to figure out what it
means to be male."
Source: http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/school.html