Academic Administrators
Leadership Series –
Managing Conflict
Chris Loschiavo, JD Associate Dean of Students and Director
of Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution
Overview
•
•
•
•
•
Background of presenter
The definition of “Conflict”
Different styles of conflict
Tools for conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution options at UF and in the
community
Background and experiences
•
•
•
•
•
Education
My job
Certified mediator
Mediated student and greek life conflicts
Refreshed mediation training at Donald D.
Gehring Academy
• Expanding conflict resolution options at UF
Activity
Words that come to mind when you hear the word
conflict.
Conflict is…
• Conflict is an inevitable part of every relationship of value.
• Conflict can be resolved so that both parties feel they have “won”
and without the need for someone to “lose.”
• Conflict signals a need for change/evolution in a relationship.
• Conflict can be a healthy and enriching experience,
strengthening rather than weakening relationships.
• Conflict can be positive and productive, providing opportunities
for learning and mutual understanding.
Reframing Negative Mindsets
Conflict is …
Rewarding
Stimulating
Positive Change
Helpful
Constructive
Collaborative
Inevitable
Opportunity
Creative
Enriching
Unifying
Vital
Healthy
Growth
Win/Win
Learning
Exciting
Productive
Perceptions, Assumptions and
Values
• Perceptions: the individual frames of reference in
which we view the world
• Assumptions: a guess or conclusion based on
perceptions
• Values: individual beliefs that we regard highly
Breaking Down Conflict
• Perceptions, assumptions and values are highly regarded
individual beliefs
• They are also self imposed barriers to communication that can
often inhibit resolution of conflict
• To resolve conflict effectively, it helps to consider how our
perceptions, assumptions and values are expressed. The three
primary components expressed in conflict are:
Positions, Interests and Needs
The PIN Model of Conflict
POSITIONS: What we state we want
INTERESTS: What we really want
NEEDS: What we must have
The PIN Model
Consider …
Amy and Latrice share an off-campus
apartment. Latrice is upset because Amy
had a party without telling her and
damaged Latrice’s sofa, staining the
cushions with food and drinks. Latrice is
demanding that Amy pay $600 for a new
sofa and that she no longer use any of her
belongings, including furniture.
Positions (Tip of the Iceberg)
What we state we want
“You and your friends have no
respect for others.”
“Quit using my stuff.”
“Give me $600 by the end of
next week.”
Interests (Just under waterline)
What we really want
“I want the cushions cleaned.”
“I want you to be more careful when
people are over.”
“Let me know when you are having
people over.”
“Please show me some respect.”
Needs (Deep under surface)
What we must have
“I need to be able to trust my
roommate.”
“I need to feel respected.”
“I need to not have to worry
about my stuff when going away
for a weekend.”
Anger Iceberg
• How is anger expressed in the world?
• What might the underlying causes be for this
expression of anger/violence?
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
The role of Unmet needs in
driving conflict
• All Violence Is An Expression Of An Unmet
Need
• How Recognizing Interests/Needs Support
Positive Outcomes (Empathy)
• CHAMPPP Universal Needs
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
CHAMPPP
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
CONNECTION
HONESTY
AUTOMOMY
MEANING
PEACE
PHYSICAL WELLBEING
PLAY
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
CONNECTION
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
ACCEPTANCE
APPRECIATION
BELONGING
COMMUNICATION
CLOSENESS
CONSIDERATION
EMPATHY
INCLUSION
LOVE
NURTURING
RESPECT
SAFETY
STABILITY
SUPPORT
UNDERSTOOD
TRUST
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
HONESTY
• AUTHENTICITY
• INTEGRITY
• PRESENCE
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
AUTONOMY
•
•
•
•
•
CHOICE
FREEDOM
INDEPENDENCE
SPACE
SPONTANEITY
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
MEANING
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
AWARENESS
CHALLENGE
CLARITY
CREATIVITY
DISCOVERY
GROWTH
HOPE
LEARNING
MOURNING
PURPOSE
SELF EXPRESSION
TO MATTER
UNDERSTANDING
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
PEACE
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
BEAUTY
COMMUNION
EASE
EQUALITY
HARMONY
INSPIRATION
ORDER
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
•
•
•
•
•
•
AIR
SAFETY
FOOD
SHELTER
WATER
TOUCH
MOVEMENT
REST
SEXUAL EXPRESSION
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
PLAY
• JOY
• HUMOR
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Conflict Styles
•
•
•
•
•
AVOIDANCE
ACCOMMODATION
COMPETITION
COMPROMISE
COLLABORATION
Everyone has a default style
Avoidance
“Passive Aggressive”
When to Practice:
Strategies:
• Ignoring the conflict • When issue or relationship is unimportant
• Denial of the conflict • When there is no chance of a positive
outcome
• Evasion of the conflict
• Joking about the conflict • When risks of confrontation outweigh
benefits of resolution
• When other party has greater power
• When one or more parties needs time to
“cool down”
• When it is appropriate to let others resolve
conflict
• When you’re wrong
Avoidance
Disadvantages:
• Decisions made by default/without input
• Issues likely to remain unresolved
• Loss of influence in a situation or relationship
• Leads to self-doubt and loss of self-esteem
• May be unable to deal with conflicts in the future
• Demonstrates a lack of caring/investment/credibility
Accommodation
“The ‘YES” Person” or “People Pleasers”
Strategies:
When to Practice:
• Giving in or giving up • When one is wrong/other is right;
wrong person acknowledges and can
• Denying one’s own needs
give in
• Placing harmony over
• When there is a desire for harmony in
issues
the relationship
• When relationship is more important
than the dispute
• When losses can be minimized
• When party needs to “save face”
• When one wants leverage for future
conflict
Accommodation
Disadvantages:
• Requires party to give something up
• Issues likely to remain unresolved
• Does not generate creative solutions
• Can cause frustration and/or resentment when
someone accommodates and places harmony over
resolution
• Creates a loss of influence in situation/relationship
• Can damage relationships
• Can foster competition over “niceness”
• Loss of credibility
Competition
Type “A” Personality
Strategies:
• Hostile remarks or jokes
• Threats and/or coercion
• Denial of own responsibility
• Verbal arguments
• Physical altercations
• Covert actions
When to Practice:
• When immediate and decisive
action is necessary
• When the style will be rewarded
• When there is no relationship of value
• When the issue is more important
than the relationship
• Where a party needs to prove
commitment/strength
• When total victory is desired
• When competing can bring parties
together/make both better
Competition
Disadvantages:
• Strains/damages relationships
• Requires that one/both/all be “losers” in conflict
• Conflict may escalate
• Less likely to use constructive approaches later
• May encourage covert actions
• Can lead to stalemates
• Creates resentment and/or desire for revenge
Compromise
Strategies:
• Both parties give and take to find
a “middle ground”
• Offer a short-term resolution
for “peace-keeping”
• Appeals to fair play/fairness
• Each person “gives” a little; so
each person “looses” a little, too
When to Practice:
• When a temporary solution is
needed
• When parties are of equal power
• When parties wish to save time
and energy
• When doing so “seems fair” to
all parties
Compromise
Disadvantages:
• Often leaves underlying issues unresolved
• Issue may become a recurring problem
• Parties required to give something up
• One/both/all parties may not be completely satisfied
• Becomes an easy way out of creative conflict resolution
• Leads to “position padding”
Not getting beneath the water of the PIN iceberg!
Collaboration
Strategies:
When to Practice:
• Open and honest dialogue that
• When the relationship is
is positive and constructive
important
• Willingness to listen to another
• When a mutually satisfying
view
outcome is sought
• Emotions dealt with properly
• When both views/sides are
too important to
• Seeking input from other party
compromise
• Willingness to accept
• When underlying issues need
responsibility for actions
to be addressed
• Giving ground without “giving
• When one wants to avoid
in” (reason v. compromise)
destructive means for
• Instead of both “giving in” a
handling conflict
little, you come up with a
• When new and creative
different solution
solutions are desired
Collaboration
Disadvantages:
• Takes more time and energy
• Requires both parties to be committed to the process
• Makes a party appear unreasonable if he/she later decides
against collaboration
• A collaborative party may appear weak to an aggressive party
Conflict Resolution Tools for
YOU
Engaging in Healthy Dialogue
•
•
•
•
•
Active & Reflective Listening
Being Attentive
Summarizing & Restating
Reframing
You / I Statements
Listening
Active Listening
• Paying Attention
• Listen with an open mind
Reflective Listening
•
•
•
•
Demonstrate Empathy
Signals understanding
Non-verbals: nodding, eye contact
Verbals: rephrasing and reframing
Attending
•
•
•
•
•
BODY POSTURE
EYE CONTACT
NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS
PAYING ATTENTION
AVOID NERVOUS BEHAVIORS
Summarizing/Restating
• Ability to reflect information back to someone
in your own words.
• Confirms to the speaker that you were listening
to them
Restating
Question Prefaces:
•
•
•
•
So you are saying that…
In other words…
It sounds like you...
I’ve heard you say that…
Summarizing/Restating
Example:
Student #1: I am teaching six classes this semester
and I don’t have a lot of time.
Student #2:You are saying that you are very busy
because of your heavy course load.
Reframing
• To reinterpret a statement or comment into a
problem-solving frame.
• Restate what is said
• Remove negative language
• Reframe the discussion from positions to
interests
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Reframing
Using reframing to deescalate:
• Faculty #1: You’re a liar. You said you would give me
the opportunity to run this clinical experience.
• Department Chair #2 :It sounds like you are angry
because you felt you were promised the opportunity to
teach this clinical experience
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Reframe this statement
How would you reframe this to state an interest?
• “He’s a liar. Every time he promises to do
something he has broken that promise. I can’t
trust him.”
Reframe this statement
How would you reframe this to state an interest?
• “John is a jerk. He always disagrees with me.
Every time I make a suggestion he criticizes it.”
Practice Active Listening and Reframing
(content and feelings)
Active listening activity
• Get with a partner. For 1 minute, one of you
describe a conflict that is going on in your
department. The second person, should display
poor active listening skills (interrupt and offer
suggestions, don’t pay attention). Then we will
switch.
• For 1 minute, the next person will describe a conflict
in their department. The second person should be
listening and should engage in active listening and
reframing.
“I” vs “You” Statements
• Use "I" statements when describing the problem to
avoid criticizing or placing blame.
• For instance, say “I feel angry when you interrupt what I am
saying in our departmental staff meeting," instead of, “You are
disrespectful of me!"
• To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and
escalate tensions.
“I” vs “You” Statements
“You” statements tend to attack and/or place blame
• “You never show any concern for my feelings!”
“I” statements tend to have the speaker assume
responsibility for her or his feelings.
• “I feel angry when you talk with Sally instead of listening to
what I have to say in our staff meetings.”
“I” vs “You” Statements
How could you re-word this?
• “You really tick me off when you dominate conversations.”
Poisons in Communication
Some words and phrases are more likely to be
perceived as rude, abrasive, or insulting, and make
it easier for the listener to act in a defensive or
retaliatory manner.
These are considered poisons in communication
and offer a good opportunity for reframing or
questioning.
Poisons in Communication
Commands
•
•
•
•
•
You should…
You shouldn’t…
You will…
You can’t…
You must…
Comparisons
•You’re just like…
•You’re nothing like…
•She would never…
•If I were you I’d …
Poisons in Communication
Exaggerations
• Always
• Never
• Constantly
• Everybody
• Nobody
• Six times = two
• Weeks = days
Other Poisons
•Shaming
•Ignoring
•Name-calling
•Threatening
•Blaming
•Contempt
•Anger
Anger
Anger is:
• A physical or psychological defense against
something
• A response to not getting what we want
• A response to our belief that we are being
violated in some way
Managing Anger
•
•
•
•
•
•
Check your own emotions and don’t get angry
Acknowledge the anger (Validate)
Restate / Reframe
Questions
Take a Break
Move on to something else
Empathy
An unwavering presence that enables a deep and
meaningful connection with another person.
Reflecting another’s feelings, interests and needs
without any judgment or evaluation.
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
The ladder of inference
• See handouts
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
What power dynamics are present
in your department?
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Some dynamics to think about
•
•
•
•
•
•
Department Chair and faculty
Tenured faculty and non-tenured
Adjuncts
Faculty and staff
Faculty and students
others/?
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Scenario
• You are the Department Chair and there is a
conflict in your department regarding services
provided by your administrative support staff.
Some of your faculty feel as though one of their
colleagues is monopolizing her time and they
have come to you. They are angry because they
feel as though they don’t have the same support
as this other faculty member. What would you
do?
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
UF Conflict Resolution Options
• What we currently offer and how it is accessed
• Mediation demonstration (video)
http://www.dso.ufl.edu/sccr/video/mediation.mpg
• Where we are headed
Questions?