Winning the War
with Yourself
Webinar Presentation, January 16, 2013
Joe Tye, CEO and Head Coach
Values Coach Inc.
Copyright © 2013, Values Coach Inc.
If you have questions
that I did not address in
this webinar, send me an
email and I’ll respond:
joe@joetye.com
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“I count him braver who
overcomes [himself] than
him who overcomes his
enemies; for the hardest
victory is the victory
over self.”
Aristotle
“Know the enemy, know
yourself; your victory will
never be endangered.”
Sun Tzu: The Art of War
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“Know the weather, know
the terrain; your victory
will be total”
Sun Tzu: The Art of War
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“Those who are determined
to die with glory will live,
while those who merely
hope to escape with their
lives will die.”
Wu Ch’i: The Art of War
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Key goals of this
webinar*….
*And all in 60 minutes!
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1. Recognize Your Own Worst Enemy
(YOWE) when it shows up
2. Prevent YOWE from causing you to
act in ways that are not in your
own best interest
3. Share practical strategies for more
positive attitude and behaviors
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Have you
ever…
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Said or done something you
later regretted?
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Procrastinated – put off
doing something
important?
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Given in to a poor selfimage or low self-esteem?
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Given up on a dream?
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Had buyers’ remorse
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If your answers to these
questions is “no” then
watch for our remedial
course on honesty
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But if you answered yes,
then bring your two hands
together…
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And shake hands with your
own worst enemy (YOWE)
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YOWE: When lesser self
runs the show and best self
stands in the shadow
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It’s the eternal struggle
between Ego and Soul
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Ego wants things, Soul
wants time. Ego wants
fame, Soul wants friends.
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Ego is insecure yet arrogant,
Soul is centered yet humble.
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Ego is concerned about what
other people think, Soul is
concerned about how others
feel.
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When things go wrong, Ego
points a finger, Soul looks
in the mirror.
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Ego complains, Soul gives
thanks. The voice of Ego is
loud and demanding, the
voice of Soul is soft and
accepting.
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Symptoms that
YOWE is in charge
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Wishful thinking replaces
positive thinking
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Wishful thinking is hoping
for something and waiting
for someone else to make it
happen
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Positive thinking is
expecting something and
working to make it happen
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Short-term focus: Having
fun vs. being happy
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Hanging out in your
comfort zone
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Procrastination and
Rationalization
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Focus on self-interest
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“When Napoleon stopped
fighting for France and
started fighting for
Napoleon, France fall.”
Dwight Eisenhower
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Toxic Emotional Negativity
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The Victim
Spiral
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Starts with Learned
Helplessness
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Degenerates into
Blame Game
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And descends into
Victim Syndrome
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YOWE makes decisions for
the “You” of right now –
never for the “You” of the
future.
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No one on then deathbed
ever says “I wish I’d
watched more television” or
“I wish I’d spent more time
in the office – or in bars”
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The four universal end-oflife regrets…
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Relationships
I wish I’d spent more time
with family and friends
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Experiences
I wish I’d (started the
business, written the book,
traveled the world, etc.)
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Finances
I wish I’d spent less and
saved more
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Health
If I’d known I was going to
live this long I’d have taken
better care of myself
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The Pyramid of Self-Belief
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21 Actions for
Winning the War
with Yourself
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Action #1
Learn to recognize the
voice of YOWE and the lies
it will tell
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Challenge self-limiting
assumption about yourself
and what is possible
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You never “can’t”
You just can’t yet
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Confront the malignant
echo of negative self-talk –
it’s nothing more than
mental graffiti
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Employ The Janitor in Your
Attic™ to erase the mental
graffiti of negative self-talk.
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You can rewire the hardware by
reprogramming the software!
Action #2
Replace self-diminishing
labels with accurate
descriptions
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You are not lazy (a selfdestructive label – not to
mention being a character
defect)
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You have a hard time
getting started (a problem
that can be solved)
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Action #3
Replace self-sabotaging
metaphors with those that
affirm
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Action #4
Play the Reporter Game
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Playing Reporter will help
you to…
See the world as it is: not as
it used to be, as you think
it should be, as you wish it
were, or as you fear it might
become – and…
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You never have to defend or
apologize for things that
you didn’t say.
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Action #5
Don’t pick fights you don’t
need
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Action #6
Focus your dissatisfaction
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Dissatisfaction can be a
great source of energy if
you aren’t promiscuous in
how you throw it around.
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Any time you catch yourself
whining or complaining,
redirect that unhappiness
onto the one dissatisfaction
that really matters to you.
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Action #7
Change your trajectory with
DDQs (Direction Deflection
Question™)
DDQ
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Will what I’m
about to do or say
help me be my
best self?
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A DDQ is really
three questions…
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Question #1
Who am I when I’m being
my best self in any
situation?
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Question #2
Is what I’m about to do or
say right now going to help
me be that person?
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Question #3
If not, what would my best
self do?
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The DDQ is
infinitely
adoptable…
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DDQ for time
Is what I am about
to do with my time
going to help me
achieve my most
important goals?
DDQ for parenting
Will what I’m about
to say to my child
reflect the parent I
want to be?
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DDQ for money
Will what I’m about to
spend my hard-earned cash
on help me achieve my goal
of being debt-free and
financially independent?
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DDQ for health and fitness
Will what I’m about to put
in my mouth help me
achieve my desired physical
goals?
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Two Hints
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Hint #1
If you don’t hear “No” a lot
more than you hear “Yes,”
you are probably not being
honest with yourself…
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Hint #2
If the answer to “what
would I do?” is more
difficult than what you were
about to do, it’s almost
certainly the right answer
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Action #8
Change your emotional
station with EDQs (Emotion
Deflection Questions™)
EDQ
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Is the emotion I’m feeling
helpful – if not, what
emotion would I want to
experience?
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Visualize yourself changing
the station
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Action #9
Get your body
into the act
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When your body is strong, it
will bend to your commands.
When your body is weak, you
must submit to its demands.
Research by Amy Cuddy
described in this TED talk
shows how body posture
has a physiological impact
on the mind.
Cuddy says don’t just fake
it till you make it…
Fake it till you
become it!
The other way that your
mouth talks to your mind
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Action #10
Double time yourself
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Speed and momentum are
emotional first, physical
second
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Action #11
Create energy rituals
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Action #12
Reframe, Rescript,
and Rewrite
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Reframe how you interpret
your circumstances
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Rescript the story
of your life
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Personal
Pervasive
Permanent
Rewrite unhelpful
memories from the past
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The past is what you choose
to remember – and how you
choose to remember it
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What do you suppose Mr. Smith meant by
this:
You will never amount to…
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What you can learn from
the genius prodigies studied
of James Hillman
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Action #13
Dare to not
compare
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You are often comparing
your at your worst against
someone else at their best…
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Action #14
Practice the two
detachments that
earn you two
freedoms
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Detachment from things
earns you freedom of
movement
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Detachment from opinions
earns you freedom of
conscience
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You will worry a lot less
about what other people
think of you if you will
admit how infrequently
they think of you!
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Action #15
Use Metaphorical
Visualization™ to
create early warning
mechanisms
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Preventing temper
tantrums
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Heading off panic attacks
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Action #16
Be a Dionarap
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Assume the best.
Expect the best.
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Action #17
Focus your time,
energy and resources
on things that really
matter
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Keep two lists – your daily
to-do list and your Big
Ticket Items list
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Action #18
Take the Pickle
Challenge™
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Action #19
Take to heart the seven
simple promise of The SelfEmpowerment Pledge™
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Joe’s slide show on The Self-Empowerment Pledge
The first 3 promises
are the foundation of
personal character
strength…
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Monday’s Promise
I will take complete
responsibility for my health,
my happiness, my success, and
my life, and will not blame
others for my problems or
predicaments.
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Tuesday’s Promise
I will not allow low self-esteem,
self-limiting beliefs, or the
negativity of others to prevent
me from achieving my
authentic goals and becoming
the person I am meant to be.
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Wednesday’s Promise
I will do the things I’m afraid to
do but which I know should be
done. Sometimes this will
mean asking for help to do that
which I cannot do by myself.
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Action #20
Don’t give up on
your dreams
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“Brick walls are not
there to stop you, they
are there to make you
prove how much you
want something.”
Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture
Action #21
Carry on an imaginary
conversation with the
person you will be at
age 65
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Ask that future “you” what
the you of today can do to
make his or her life more
comfortable and secure.
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You will probably hear a
very clear answer that is
almost certain to include…
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Spend less and save more
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Watch less TV and get more
exercise
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Spend less time with email
and more time with real
people
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Follow your dreams
wherever they lead
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And a Bonus Strategy
Turn Pro
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Coming up next…
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Next webinar – Thursday, February 7
Included in
Bundle #2
Free Bonus Item: eBook edition of Designing the
Invisible Architecture of Your Organization
151
Next webinar – March (Date TBD)
Included in
Bundle #1
Free Bonus Items: The Janitor in Your Attic Audios:
Morning Motivation and Evening Meditation
152
Two Values Coach webinar
bundles – one for you and
one for your organization.
Webinar Bundle Website
153