Writing Workshop for the
ORA Winter Institute
“The Well-Crafted Sentence and
Its Importance for the Writer”
Grades 4 -12
February 9, 2013
Presented by Karen Antikajian
kantikajian@cvcable.com
Slide presentation is available at
www.literacylane.org
under calendar and programs
in both Keynote and PowerPoint
57-page handout with
these examples, student pages,
and more is also available
for download.
What does “close study” mean?
Close Study
When we conduct a close study we
examine a particular genre or author craft
in depth and over multiple examples.
We determine the characteristics of that
particular genre or craft so we can imitate
it.
(copy the structure using our own ideas)
Topics We Will Explore:
• Sentence Combining and Stretching to
promote sentence fluency
• Mentor Sentences and Sentence Patterns
as Models for Revision
• Jeff Anderson’s Invitations as a vehicle for
teaching sentence fluency and conventions
• Dan Feigelson’s suggestions for using
punctuation as a tool for expressing
meaning.
Some Questions
I Will Address
Why focus on sentence fluency?
How do you convince students that there are
many ways to say the same thing?
How do you help students become more
aware of author craft?
How do you help students become more
involved with the editing process?
(conventions)
Not long ago, a young writer told me a story
about being taken to dinner by his successful,
high-powered agent. The agent asked him what
he wanted to write about, what subjects engaged
his interest. To which the young writer replied
that, to tell the truth, subject matter wasn’t all that
important to him. What he really cared about,
what he wanted most of all was to write . . . really
great sentences.
~From Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose
An Effective Strategy
• Sentence Combining
with Bill Strong
(from Strong Rhythms and Rhymes
by Carol J. Strong and William Strong
and from Bill’s presentations)
Directions: Read the passage all the way though. You will notice that the sentences are short and choppy. Study the passage and then rewrite them in a
better way. You may combine sentences, change the order of words, and omit words that are repeated too many times. But try not to leave out any
information.
THE ALUMINUM PASSAGE
(Kellogg W. Hunt, 1965, 1970, 1977)
Aluminum is a metal. It is abundant. It has many uses. It
comes from bauxite. Bauxite is an ore.Bauxite looks like
clay. Bauxite contains aluminum. It contains several other
substances.Workmen extract these other substances from
bauxite. They grind the bauxite. They put it in tanks.
Pressure is in the tanks. The other substances form a mass.
They remove the mass. They use filters. A liquid remains.
They put it through several other processes. It finally yields
a chemical. The chemical is powdery. It is white. The
chemical is alumina. It is a mixture. It contains aluminum. It
contains oxygen. Workmen separate the aluminum from the
oxygen. They use electricity. They finally produce a metal.
The metal is light. It has a luster. The light is bright. The
luster is silvery. This metal comes in many forms.
SUMMARIES
• Grade 4: Aluminum is a metal and it is abundant. It has
many uses and it comes from bauxite. Bauxite is an ore and
looks like clay.
• Grade 8: Aluminum is an abundant metal, has many uses,
and comes from bauxite.Bauxite is an ore that looks like
clay.
• Grade 12: Aluminum is an abundant metal that has many
uses. It comes from bauxite, which is an ore that looks like
clay.
• Skilled Adult: Aluminum, an abundant metal with many
uses, comes from bauxite, a clay-like ore.
More Strategies
Mentor Sentences and Sentence Patterns as
Models for Revision
A Close Study Approach
and
Learning to Read like a Writer
(with a tip of the hat to:
Jeff Anderson and Ralph Fletcher)
Reading like a Reader
When we “read like a reader” we notice WHAT the writer
is saying. We try to understand what the text is all about.
With fiction: characters, setting, and plot. Interaction of
characters and how the story gets resolved.
With nonfiction: main ideas and supporting details.
Summarize, and evaluate ideas in the text.
Notice writer’s point of view and evaluate its legitimacy.
Reading like a Writer
When we “read like a writer” we notice HOW the writer is
putting specific words on the page. Instead of focusing on
what the writer is saying, we focus on how the writer is
saying it.
We look at the techniques the writer uses to get his or
her message across and how those techniques affect the
reader. We call this “author craft.” It is like looking
behind the scenes at a magic show to see how the magic
was created and learning what techniques the magician
used.
An Example from Old Cricket
by Lisa Wheeler
Listen to the beginning.
What do you notice?
Old Cricket woke up feeling cranky.
And crotchety.
And cantankerous.
So when his missus asked him to ready their
roof for winter, he came up with a clever plan.
(You don’t get to be an old cricket by being a
dumb bug.)
“Consarn it!” he cried. “I woke with a creak
in my knee, dear wife. I can’t be climbing
rooftops today.”
“Well, hobble yourself over to see Doc
Hopper,” she ordered, and bundled up a bit of
breakfast for him to eat along the way.
Old Cricket took his bundle and left the
house with a creak-creak-creak, in case his
missus was watching.
First page of Old Cricket by Lisa Wheeler
Jeff Anderson’s Strategies
Jeff Anderson’s Invitations
• Invitation to Notice
• Invitation to Imitate
• Invitation to Share and Celebrate
• Invitation to Write
• Invitation to Revise (re-enter writing/reread)
• Invitation to Combine
• Invitation to Edit
Invitation to Notice
His room smelled of cooked grease, Lysol, and age.
—Angelou
What do you notice?
Hector’s room smelled of gym socks, Hot Cheetos, and lies.
—Anderson
Now what do you notice?
How do you picture these rooms? These characters?
His room smelled of turpentine, Linseed oil, and hunger.
The room smelled of apples, Play-Doh, and trust.
Her room smelled of stale coffee, leftover KFC, and fatigue.
The kitchen smelled of fresh coffee, Pop-Tarts, and morning.
—Antikajian
Invitation to Notice
“Blue was a quiet color. He enjoyed looking up at
the sky, floating on the waves, and on days he felt
daring . . . splashing in rain puddles.”
~ One by Kathryn Otoshi
What do you notice?
Interrupter
Interrupting the sentence to add
information, examples, thoughts, feelings,
or comments.
“Blue was a quiet color. He enjoyed looking up at the sky,
floating on the waves, and on days he felt daring . . . splashing in
rain puddles.”
~ Kathryn Otoshi - One
“The next minute, it seems, I’ve got a business of my own, with
employees, and I’m rich.” ~ Gary Paulsen - Lawn Boy
What do you notice about the punctuation?
Invitation to Imitate
Try writing about a pet, a person, or a book character
in the next example.
Invitation to Imitate
Blue was a quiet color. He enjoyed looking up at the sky,
floating on the waves, and on days he felt daring . . . splashing in
rain puddles.
Pattern:
______________ was a __________ __________. S/he enjoyed
(1)__________________________________________________,
(2)__________________________________________________,
and (interrupter) _____________________________________ . . .
(3)__________________________________________________
.
Invitation to Share
Use of Threes
Often used with a series of actions,
a list of details,
or a description of characteristics.
Why three?
Two doesn’t establish a pattern.
Four is sometimes used.
More becomes merely a list.
Invitation to Notice
“My birthday present sat there. Even turning around to put my
back against it and push with my legs—which I thought might
give me better leverage—didn’t help; it still sat there.”
“I pulled the rope again and the motor hesitated, popped, and
then roared to life. I jumped back. No muffler.”
“That evening I took a rag and wiped the mower down, parked it
in a corner of the garage and—a little admission here—patted it
on the top of the gas tank.”
From Lawn Boy by Gary Paulsen
Invitation to Notice
“Outside, miles of rolling hills formed a patchwork quilt of
green, wildflowers swayed graceful in the meadow, and the sky
seemed to stretch for ever in a perfect, deep blue sea.”
“I was happiest a few steps back, away from Viktor’s stony quiet,
his icy eyes, his sunken face covered in white whiskers.”
~ Sparrow Road by Sheila O’Connor
“She saw the familiar faces—the woman who sold dishes
decorated with gaily painted enamel flowers, the man who filled
gallon cans with kerosene for lanterns, the old man who fixed
broken bicycles.
~The Interior by Lisa See
Handout
Invitations (Summarized from Everyday Editing)
“Lifting Lines” by Rhonda Orttenburger
“Three, Three, Three” by Brian Backman
The Absolute Zoom Lens
by Jeff Anderson
from Mechanically Inclined
The Absolute Sentence Construction
(Absolute Zoom Lens)
1. Choose a picture or photo showing some character action.
2. Write a simple sentence about it (like a wide-angle camera shot).
3. Make a list of the “smaller” nouns (what you notice with a close-up shot).
4. Next to each of these nouns, write an –ing verb (plus a phrase if you want).
5. Pick a favorite or combine two of them.
6. Read the original sentence and add the absolute. Try it in the opener, closer,
interrupter positions.
7. Pick your favorite and write the whole sentence with correct punctuation.
and
Handout:
The Absolute Zoom Lens
Using the Absolute Sentence Construction in Your Writing
Sentence Stretching
and
Sentence Variations
Sentence Stretching
(It’s in the Cards)
Stretch this sentence by giving more information about the part
that relates to your question card.
Who, What (happened), When, Where, Why, How?
The car moved.
(With older students, see if they can start
with the part they added.)
See handout pages
Copies of Question Cards are on the
www.literacylane.org resources page
Sentence Variations
Five Basic Brush Strokes
“Writer as Artist” by Harry R. Noden
4. The participle/participial phrase: Lounging lazily, the cat watched the mouse.
• The
absolute: Tail switching, the cat watched the mouse.
• The
appositive: The cat, an insipid lounger, watched the mouse.
•
Adjectives shifted out of order: The cat, indolent and sleek, watched the mouse.
•
Action verbs: Tensing with anticipation, the cat watched the mouse hole.
Seven Patterns for Snazzier Sentences
Dana Humphrey, Middle School Teacher
4. Adjective conjunction adjective: Beautiful but cunning, the cat bewitched
her owners.
• An
appositive: The cat, a cunning feline, crouched by the mouse hole.
• Prepositional phrase: Through the doorway and around the corner, the cat
disappeared from sight.
•
Using an “ing” word: Scurrying up the wall, the mouse tried to elude the cat.
•
Two adjectives: Bold and sleek, the cat sauntered toward the neighbor’s dog.
•
Adverb conjunction adverb: Slowly and cautiously, the cat entered the dark
hole.
• Using “ing” conjunction “ing”: Complaining vociferously and shaking off
the rain, the cat entered the hole.
Sentence Variations
Other Options for Variety
6.Opener: Slowly and cautiously, the cat entered the dark hole.
6. Interrupter: The cat, slowly and cautiously, entered the dark hole.
• Closer: The cat entered the dark hole, slowly and cautiously.
Retain the Meaning
•
Opener: Scurrying up the wall, the mouse tried to elude the cat.
•
Interrupter: The mouse, scurrying up the wall, tried to elude the cat.
•
Closer: The mouse tried to elude the cat scurrying up the wall.
• Closer: The mouse, trying to elude the cat, scurried up the wall.
Handout:
Sentence Variations
Other Options
Sentence Opening_Revising Sheet
Human Sentences
The children cheered for the clown and
laughed at his antics.
The children, cheering for the clown, laughed
at his antics.
Cheering for the clown, the children laughed
at his antics.
The children laughed at his antics, cheering
for the clown.
The children, laughing at his antics, cheered
for the clown.
Laughing at his antics, the children cheered
for the clown.
The children cheered for the clown, laughing
at his antics.
Human Sentences
(Cards and instructions available at
www.literacylane.org
on the
teacher resources page under writing)
Punctuation
The road signs in the world of reading
helping us to navigate, read fluently,
and construct meaning.
Using correct punctuation is important
if writers want to be understood.
Why punctuation is important.
Why, punctuation is important!
Why? Punctuation is important?
Practical Punctuation by Dan Feigelson
Books by Lynne Truss
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to
Punctuation
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: Why, Commas Really DO Make a
Difference!
The Girl’s Like Spaghetti: Why, You CAN’T Manage Without
Apostrophes!
Twenty-Odd Ducks: Why, EVERY Punctuation Mark Counts!
The queen: without her, dinner is noisy.
The queen, without her dinner, is noisy.
Woman without her man is nothing.
Woman, without her man, is nothing.
Woman: Without her, man is nothing.
Serial Comma
To use or not to use—
a comma before ‘and.’
Joe, Mary and Bob split the $1500 prize
money equally.
How much did each get?
Resources
Everyday Editing, Mechanically Inclined, and
10 things Every Writer Needs to Know by Jeff Anderson
Practical Punctuation by Dan Feigelson
The Grammar Plan Book by Constance Weaver
Coaching Writing by William Strong
Writing Reminders by Jim Burke
Teaching Adolescent Writers by Kelly Gallagher
Books by Ralph Fletcher and JoAnn Portalupi
Handout
Excerpts from Mechanically Inclined
and Resources from
Jeff Anderson
and
Dan Feigelson
“Comma Use” by Dan Feigelson
Serial Comma and Parallelism
(agreement and tense)
He read a book,
wrote an essay,
and cleaned the garage.
(Not: “and the garage was cleaned.”)
AAAWWUBBIS
(A-WOOH-BIS)
After
Although
As
When
While
Until
Before
Because
If
Since
Handout
Homemade Bread and English Compositions
(or an alternative to correcting papers)
by Chery Miller Thurston
Writers Craft: Literary Devices and Figurative
Language
with examples from Freak the Mighty by Rodman
Philbrick
Think for a minute about what you
could incorporate into your writing
lessons for this next week.
Turn and share.