Self-Esteem in
Addictions & Recovery
Week Twelve
Topics
• The role of low self-esteem in
addiction
• Building self-esteem in recovery
• Finding self-esteem within the
Twelve Steps
• The Practice of Living
Consciously [from Branden]
The Paradox of Self-Esteem
and Addictions
• The alcoholic drinks because of the
despair he feels, the feeling of frustration
felt because of the life problems we had
difficulty handling
• We must quit drinking so we can handle
our problems, but our negative feelings
do not provide us with any measure of
self-esteem
• Suddenly, we must turn these negative
self-feelings around and become a
positive person so that we can stay
sober
The Role of Low
Self-Esteem in Addiction
Those possessing low self esteem are
typically challenged in four key areas.
1. They feel that they lack personal power and so their ability
to influence others is compromised.
2. Many with low self esteem feel as though they are
insignificant to others, lacking the affection and
attention of others who hold them in low regard.
3. Low self esteem results when people feel that they lack
virtue.
–
–
They are plagued by an inherent nagging sense of not being a
good person morally or ethically.
They often feel unloved, unappreciated, and unwanted and so
they conclude that they must not be good enough to be worthy
of such love and appreciation.
The Role of Low
Self-Esteem in Addiction
Those possessing low self esteem
are typically challenged in four key
areas.
4. Those possessing low self esteem often hold
themselves as incompetent in one or more areas of
life.
They fear they are unable to maintain control of their lives
and as a result, they are easily dominated by others who
they perceive as being more powerful and capable than
they are.
This anger often results in ineffective communication and
social conflicts which further lead to diminished self
esteem.
The Role of Low SelfEsteem in Addiction
• The “Mask Wearer”
(aka Pseudo Self Esteem)
• The “Resenter”
• The “Helpless Victim”
The “Mask Wearer”
• This is the person who always wears a mask
that conveys their really happy, successful,
and "everything is going perfectly."
• In truth, they are almost paralyzed with fears
of failure.
• They live day-to-day desperately trying to
over-compensate for how lousy they actually
feel about themselves inside.
• They exaggerate all their successes and
minimize or completely ignore their failures.
The “Mask Wearer”
• In their relentless search for perfectionism,
they rarely finish things they start and they
procrastinate constantly.
• They figure if they never actually complete
something for others to criticize, they'll never
be criticized.
• These people are typically extremely
frustrated (inside) because they create "nowin" situations for themselves, but outwardly,
"everything is going perfectly."
The “Resenter”
• This person feels they got a lousy deal in
life and frankly, many of them did.
• Unfortunately, as they've grown up,
they've become resentful of anyone else
who actually did succeed.
• They dismiss the opinion of almost
everyone, they are often hostile toward
authority figures, and they pretend that
the criticism they get from others doesn't
hurt or affect them.
• As far as they're concerned, it's them
against the world and the world sucks.
The “Helpless Victim”
• The “helpless victim” acts just like that
- helpless and victimized.
• They can't do anything themselves and
constantly wait for someone else to
come to their rescue.
• In order to avoid being judged and
taking responsibility for their life, they
use self-pity to convince others they
need their help.
The “Helpless Victim”
• They are seemingly unable to handle
anything in life and rely totally on the
guidance and advice of others.
• Often, this person gets drawn into
abusive relationships which often turn
into co-dependent situations.
• As far as they're concerned, they aren't
worthy of anything better - what little
they get is all they deserve.
Building Self-Esteem in
Recovery
• Recovery happens when we know that
we can take charge of ourselves, that
we have the power within us to be a new
person
• Our mind is never at rest unless we still
it with alcohol or drugs. In sobriety, when
we want rest from our disturbing
thoughts, we can:
–
–
–
–
Exercise
Meditate
Do yoga
Garden, etc
Finding Self-Esteem within
the Twelve Steps
• Steps 1 through 3: Restoring Sanity
(=Self Efficacy: Trusting My Mind)
– 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives
had become unmanageable.
– 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity.
– 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care
of God as we understood Him.
• Steps 4 through 7, and 10: Fearless Moral
Inventory
(=Self Evaluation)
– 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
– 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being
the exact nature of our wrongs.
– 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of
character.
– 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our short- comings.
– 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were
wrong promptly admitted it.
Finding Self-Esteem within
the Twelve Steps
• Steps 8 through 9: Making Amends
(=Seeking & Offering Forgiveness: Self-Respect)
– 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and
became willing to make amends to them all.
– 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever
possible, except when to do so would injure them or
others.
• Steps 11 and 12: The Spiritual Awakening
(=Consciousness, Mindfulness)
– 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our
conscious contact with God, as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the
power to carry that out.
– 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of
these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics,
and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
• Consciousness Suffers with
Addiction
• The Practice of Living
Consciously
Consciousness Suffers
with Addiction
• The implicit intention of addiction
is to escape awareness of one’s
core feelings of powerlessness
and suffering
• Anxiety and pain are not
extinguished, merely rendered
less conscious
– Will resurface with greater intensity
Consciousness Suffers
with Addiction
• Consciousness is the enemy of
the alcoholic, who seeks to:
• Drown out the voice of reason
• Fog my brain and
• Make myself functionally stupid
The Practice of
Living Consciously
• Consciousness is the basic tool of
survival
• Consciousness is the state of
being conscious or aware of some
aspect of reality
• We are beings for whom
consciousness is “volitional”
The Practice of
Living Consciously
• Without consciousness or living
mindfully, the penalty is
diminished sense of self-efficacy
and self-respect
• We cannot feel competent and
worthy while conducting our lives
in a mental fog
The Practice of
Living Consciously
• We establish a sense of the kind
of person we are:
– through the thousands of choices we
make between thinking and
nonthinking,
– being responsible toward reality or
evading it
The Practice of
Living Consciously
• To live consciously means to seek
to be aware of everything that
bears on:
– Our actions
– Our purposes
– Our values and
– Our goals
• And to behave in accordance with
what we see and know
The Practice of
Living Consciously
• Living consciously implies respect
for the facts of reality
• The facts of our inner world:
– Needs
– Wants
– Emotions
• As well as of the outer world
– Needs, wants and demands from
relationships, work, etc
The Specifics of
Living Consciously
• Being “in the moment” without losing
the wider context
– Doing what I am doing while I’m doing it
• Searching for feedback from the
environment so as to adjust or correct
my course when necessary
– The potential always exists that new
information will require an adjustment of
our plans and intentions
The Specifics of
Living Consciously
• Being receptive to new knowledge and
willing to reexamine old assumptions
– We should avoid being totally absorbed by
what we believe we already know and
– Being uninterested or closed to new
information
• Being willing to see and correct
mistakes
– All of us are wrong some of the time, all of
us make mistakes
– If we tie our self-esteem to being above
error, we shrink consciousness in selfprotection
The Specifics of
Living Consciously
• Seeking always to expand
awareness—a commitment to
learning—therefore a commitment
to growth as a way of life