Tough Talks:
How to Handle
Difficult Employee Conversations
Smoothly, Effectively, and Legally
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Presented by the Employer Resource Institute
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© 2009 Employer Resource Institute. All Rights Reserved
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About Our Speaker
Kristine E. Kwong, Esq., is a partner in the Los Angeles
office of the law firm Musick, Peeler & Garrett, LLP.
She advises and counsels clients on a wide range of
business and employment issues, and her practice
includes the drafting and updating of handbooks, policy
manuals, codes of conduct, and severance packages. She
regularly produces and presents training programs for
employers on current issues of employment law, and she's
a longtime popular speaker for BLR.
Kristine earned her law degree from the University of the
Pacific (McGeorge School of Law).
k.kwong@mpglaw.com
www.mpglaw.com
© 2010 Employer Resource Institute. All Rights Reserved
Tough Talks:
How to Handle
Difficult Employee
Conversations Smoothly,
Effectively, and Legally
Kristine E. Kwong, Esq.
Musick, Peeler & Garrett, LLP
www.mpglaw.com
k.kwong@mpglaw.com
What We’ll Cover Today
•
The underlying reasons difficult employee conversations arise - and the legal
risks involved
•
Rules for dealing with difficult employee conversations
•
What to do before, during, and after tough talks with employees
•
Best practices for dealing with specific types of difficult workplace situations
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
6
What Makes Difficult
Conversations Difficult?
•
We fear losing control of the situation.
•
The topic, itself, makes the situation uncomfortable.
•
We fear making others angry and losing the approval and/or respect of our peers
and employees.
•
We’ve had negative experiences in the past with conflict in the workplace.
•
We don’t have the skills to manage confrontation – and, therefore, we fear
making a difficult situation worse.
•
We fear retaliation or even violence in the workplace as a result of the
confrontation.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
7
Barriers to Communication
in the Workplace
•
Culture
•
Gender
•
Age
•
Education
•
Skills
•
Experience
•
Perceptions
•
Style
•
Knowledge
•
ATTITUDES!
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
8
Additional Factors Affecting
Conversations With EEs Today
•
Higher levels of worry, anxiety, or frustration on the job nowadays due to the
economic downturn
•
Pressures in the workplace as employers are making tough decisions about
staffing, pay, benefits, and other bottom-line issues that affect employees
•
Greater degrees of diversity in today's workplaces, with wider ranges of age,
gender, and national origins among workers
•
The unintended legal and HR ramifications of difficult employee conversations
(putting even more pressure on having these talks with workers)
•
The personal nature of many difficult conversations in a professional
environment
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
9
Common Types of
Difficult EE Conversations
•
Coaching or counseling employees whose job performance needs improvement
or who require disciplinary action for misconduct or policy violations
•
Talking to employees who have a workplace complaint (from harassment to
conditions on the job)
•
Assessing an employee's medical condition/disability due to ADA/FMLA issues
•
Approaching employees with dress code/hygiene issues
•
Engaging an employee in progressive discipline (or termination)
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
10
The Rules for Dealing With
Difficult Conversations
RULE # 1: Face the difficulties head on.
If a workplace situation is truly difficult, then it’s probably not going away on its own.
Wishing that touchy issues will simply work themselves out can actually make matters
worse!
We must confront the difficult conversations at work when they surface – or, we risk
compounding the difficulties.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
11
The Rules for Dealing With
Difficult Conversations
RULE # 2: Remember that, in the end, you can’t always change people.
You can do your best to change behaviors in the workplace – but, at the end of the day,
you can’t control how your employees feel or what they think.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
12
The Rules for Dealing With
Difficult Conversations
RULE # 3: Focus on your desired outcome.
“Winning” the argument with your employee is not the goal. Instead, your goal should be
to move things forward and resolve the difficult situation to keep your workplace
productive. It should be a professional discussion and not devolve into an argument.
You must learn to check your emotions and separate your people from the problem.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
13
The Rules for Dealing With
Difficult Conversations
RULE # 4: Timing is everything.
Address problems quickly, before they grow worse. Don’t wait until single incidents turn
into troubling patterns!
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
14
The Rules for Dealing With
Difficult Conversations
RULE # 5: Look below the surface.
Remember that you’re only one part of the conversation, and there are many sides to
every story. In many workplace conflicts, what’s being discussed isn’t always the actual
problem.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
15
The Rules for Dealing With
Difficult Conversations
RULE # 6: Deal with feelings, as well as facts.
Though you’re trying to gather facts in these situations to learn what’s really going on,
remember that your employees’ feelings may carry more weight with them in these
conversations than the facts.
Ask them about their feelings and acknowledge them – but, remind your workers that
those emotions shouldn’t always dictate or control their actions in the workplace.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
16
BEFORE
the Difficult Conversation
•
Stay focused and objective.
•
Think and plan in advance how you will keep the conversation focused on the
issues at hand and the solutions to those issues.
•
Separate in your mind the person’s role in your workplace from his/her difficult
personality.
•
Get your own emotions in check – and, don’t take things personally!
•
Don’t count on using your power as a manager to bend your workers to fit your
preferences and your styles. At the end of the conversation, you may conclude
that – despite everyone’s best efforts – you’re at a stalemate, and you may need
to change policies or say goodbye to the workers causing the workplace
disruptions.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
17
DURING
the Difficult Conversation
•
Be clear from the beginning that, during the conversation, you’ll be addressing
behaviors, not personalities.
•
Describe the documented problems with your employees in private. Avoid
sounding judgmental, and don’t discuss rumors.
•
Stay focused and objective. Don’t get trapped in your employees’ emotions.
Take deep breaths, and don’t become defensive!
•
Practice “active listening” by listening for what you want to hear and what you
don’t want to hear. Turn off any listening filters. Avoid interrupting, and be polite
and tactful (even if the message you’re hearing is very negative). Clarify what
you hear to make sure your perception is the same as the message being sent
(right or wrong).
•
Ask the employee to explain the problem from his/her point of view. But, step in
and ask questions as needed to keep the discussion on point.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
18
DURING
the Difficult Conversation
•
Move away from past problems that have nothing to do with the current issue.
•
Acknowledge their feelings and avoid challenging them – but, hold your ground.
•
If the employee wants to push your buttons, remember that you can simply
decide not to engage.
•
Don’t start sentences with “you.”
•
Don’t flaunt your position as a supervisor to bully your employees into a
resolution.
•
End the meeting when you feel it’s appropriate – and, decide what the next
steps will be. (If there’s no consensus, you may need to step up and lay out for
your workers what those steps will be.)
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
19
AFTER
the Difficult Conversation
•
Document the encounter, especially any action steps and behavior changes
agreed to by the employees.
•
Be honest with employees about the fact that you’ll be monitoring their
behaviors after the conversation. And, be consistent about that monitoring.
•
Look beyond simply enforcing the agreement – reassure these workers as much
as possible on an ongoing basis, and reward them for living up to their
agreements.
•
Keep an open door policy, particularly if these workers need to discuss the
agreement and their progress.
•
Don’t waver if your employees exhaust their options and you’re approaching a
“change the bad behavior or else” decision date.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
20
Difficult Employees:
Complainers
These workers offer lots of complaints, but few suggestions. They appear blameless
themselves, but they go out of their way to express personal opinions, and they will
sometimes imagine problems if they need the attention. They frequently appear to be the
chronic “victim.”
•
Listen – but don’t agree or disagree.
•
Ask specific questions about the situation involved in the complaint.
•
Stick to the facts in the case, and try to find the underlying causes.
•
Try to determine whether the complaints truly mean the complainer can’t (or won’t)
perform required job duties.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
21
Difficult Employees:
Poor Producers
These workers talk a good game, but they rarely follow through and often procrastinate.
As a result, their productivity suffers.
•
Tie down these employees and cover what’s required for their jobs.
•
Make your expectations crystal clear.
•
Look for underlying causes – the lack of follow through and the procrastinating may
be due to confusion, boredom, and other reasons.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
22
Difficult Employees:
“No” Persons
These workers always find the negative in every situation. They smother the optimism in
their co-workers as a result.
•
Treat them with patience, not irritation.
•
Build up the confidence of these workers by running ideas past them and seeking
their advice and using them as a resource in the workplace.
•
Seek to challenge them to find the positive, and reward them when they do. It is
behavior modification that you are after.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
23
Difficult Employees:
Busybodies and Snoops
These workers meddle with a vengeance. They are the first on the scene with gossip in
the workplace, and they usually believe they know everything (though they’re typically
wrong).
•
Keep these employees busy – leave them as little time as possible for gossip.
•
Deal with them privately and talk with them about their actions are hurting the
workplace.
•
Don’t be accusatory, but at the same time, don’t hesitate to step in when gossip gets
out of control so that you can nip it in the bud.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
24
Difficult Employees:
Backstabbers
These workers adopt a friendly face but snipe behind your back. They can be very
passive-aggressive, and their goal is to build themselves up by making co-workers (and
supervisors) look foolish.
•
Keep these employees busy – leave them as little time as possible for backstabbing.
•
Make sure they know you’re aware of their activities – and set the limits so that their
behavior won’t be tolerated.
•
Keep them on a short leash and accountable. It is hard to be a passive-aggressive
negative when you can’t “hide” behind someone else.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
25
Difficult Employees:
Harassers and Bullies
These workers attack co-workers and throw their weight around to get what they want.
They throw tantrums, they embarrass colleagues, and they turn many situations into
contests they must win.
•
Confront these employees when their negative behavior surfaces. Stay in control,
and be consistent in how you deal with them.
•
Set standards upfront with these workers to prevent these bad behaviors from
escalating.
•
Step in early. When the bully feels empowered, it only gets worse.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
26
Difficult Employees:
Violent, Explosive Workers
These workers exhibit impatience and irritation at the drop of a hat, and their demeanor
can quickly turn aggressive at times.
•
Sit down with these workers as soon as they demonstrate inappropriate behaviors, in
an effort to lay down the rules and prevent any physical violence in the workplace.
•
Enforce a “zero tolerance” policy against any incidents of workplace violence.
•
Be quick to act. You don’t want to give this employee a chance to feel empowered.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
27
Difficult Employees:
Dress Code/Hygiene Issues
Complaints by co-workers about an employee's offensive body odor can create a difficult
issue that employers must deal with in a courteous and sensitive manner. The following
tips may be helpful when responding to the situation:
•
Talk about the problem head on without being judgmental.
•
Discuss the effect on others (e.g., garlic smells).
•
Discuss concerns for policy violations (e.g., alcohol smells).
•
Discuss the image to customers.
•
Set expectations for hygiene.
•
Be aware of the potential for underlying health issues.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
28
Keep These Tips in Mind
•
Your communications with employees in these difficult situations are key to
managing your organization's legal and HR risks regarding workplace
conditions, discipline, and termination.
•
If you rely on inaccurate information regarding a difficult employee - or if you
adopt an unfairly negative, accusatory tone in your conversation - you can
quickly turn a straightforward workplace issue into a legal problem.
•
You must take employee complaints about a difficult workplace situation
seriously, or you might make those workers affected by the complaint feel bad
for raising the issue.
•
Be very careful when you're having employee conversations that delve into very
personal territory (medical issues, personal finances, child care matters, etc.).
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
29
Keep These Tips in Mind
•
Don't avoid these tough talks with employees, hoping that the issues will go
away! You're facing real costs associated with not taking action.
•
If you (as the HR director or key manager) don't face these tough talks head on
and deal with the problems, your frustrated frontline managers and employees
may take actions on their own that could cost you, too.
•
Remember: No one likes to hear that he or she is a "problem." Focus on the
behavior or situation that needs to change - not the personalities involved.
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
30
Questions?
Kristine E. Kwong, Esq.
Musick, Peeler & Garrett, LLP
One Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 2000
Los Angeles, CA 90017
213.629.7977 (phone)
213.624.1376 (fax)
k.kwong@mpglaw.com
www.mpglaw.com
Copyright 2011 BLR Inc.
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© 2009 Employer Resource Institute. All Rights Reserved