Adultery
Is It Justified In Some Cases?
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 81)
“Every Saturday around noon, Herb, 83, kisses his wife
good-bye, then leaves their New York apartment and
spends the afternoon with his girlfriend. His wife, Ruth,
73, … has no idea her husband is seeing another
woman. Three years after being diagnosed with
Alzheimer’s disease, Ruth can barely speak or recognize
Herb … ‘She can’t hug or even kiss me anymore,’ says
Herb. ‘I longed for that closeness with a woman.’”
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 81)
“Herb’s situation is increasingly common, experts say ...
Alzheimer’s and other cogitative disorders has created,
it seems, a new type of spouse: women and men who
care for their partners but find romance outside the
marriage … Add in other forms of dementia and you’ve
got a sizable population in need of care, many of them
married.”
Human Morality Is Being Advocated
• God, not man directs our steps (Jer. 10:23)
• Man’s morality leads to problems (Judg. 17:6; 21:25)
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 81)
“But the caregivers face a quandary: They crave
intimacy but view extra-marital affairs as a serious
moral violation ... Many religious and ethical teachers
agree.”
“Still, a new focus on the emotional needs of caregivers
has prompted some psychologists, social workers, and
even religious leaders to redefine adultery.”
A New Definition of Adultery
Is Being Advocated
• Adultery is defined by God, not “redefined” by man
• All sexual relationships outside of a God-ordained
marriage are acts of adultery (Mt. 5:32; 19:9;
Mk. 10:11-2; Lk. 16:18; Rom. 7:3)
• All adulterers will be judged (Jn. 8:3-4,11; 1 Cor. 6:9;
Gal. 5:19; Heb. 13:4; Rev. 2:22)
Adultery Is Being Advocated
What Does the New Testament Say?
• Moikalis (adulterous) = Mt. 12:39; 16:4; Mk. 8:38; Rom. 7:3;
Jas. 4:4; 2 Pet. 2:14
• Moikaomai (commit adultery) = Mt. 5:32; 19:9;
Mk. 10:11-12
• Moikia (adultery) = Mt. 15:19; Mk. 7:21; Jn. 8:3; Gal. 5:19
• Moikuo (commit adultery) = Mt. 5:27-28; 19:18; Mk. 10:19;
Lk. 16:18; 18:20; Jn. 8:4; Rom. 2:22; 13:9; Jas. 2:11;
Rev. 2:22
• Moikos (adulterers) = Lk. 18:11; 1 Cor. 6:9; Heb. 13:4; Jas. 4:4
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 81-82)
“Says New Jersey rabbi Richard F. Address, ‘The
longevity revolution has created a variety of new life
stages. We’re confronted with the challenge of having
our religion adapt to these new realities.”
“Even televangelist Pat Robertson … recently said that it
might be ethical for a man to divorce his Alzheimer’sstricken wife and remarry. ‘I can’t fault [the man] for
wanting some kind of companionship,” he said…”
A Change In Religion
Is Being Advocated
• God (Mal. 3:6; Jas. 1:17) and Jesus (Heb. 1:11-12;
13:8) do not change in their character
• The NT does not change (Psa. 33:11-12; 119:89;
1 Pet. 1:25)
• The pattern of the NT church does not change
(2 Thess. 2:15; 2 Tim. 1:13)
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 82)
“For caregivers contemplating new relationships, some
ethical guidelines can help. Foremost is maintaining
high-quality care for the ailing spouse. ‘As long as you
provide dignified care and honor your spouse, you
need not feel guilty’ about seeking extramarital
companionship, says Cynthia Epstein, a licensed social
worker at New York University’s Langone Medical
Center. Dementia can persist for 20 years, she adds:
‘That’s a long time do without a gratifying connection.’”
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 82)
“Ethicist Arthur Caplan agrees. ‘I don’t think it is
abandonment or disloyalty to form a new relationship
once your spouse declines to the point where they
cannot possibly interact, love, or respond,’ says Caplan,
director of the Center for Bioethic at the University of
Pennsylvania. ‘As long as you do your best to make sure
they are properly cared for, you are entitled to seek
companionship.’”
Situation Ethics and Moral Relativity
Are Being Advocated
• Clearly, what is being advocated by these “licensed
experts” is situation ethics and moral relativity; that
is, it is justified to commit adultery given the
situation of Alzheimer's, dementia, etc.
• Remember, wrong is wrong, sin is sin as defined by
God and in all situations (Rom. 3:23; 1 Jn. 3:4; 5:17)
• We are not allowed to do evil that good may come
(Rom. 3:8; 6:1)
Situation Ethics and Moral Relativity
Are Being Advocated
• Situation ethics insults God (Rom. 3:4)
• Situation ethics deifies man (Prov. 14:12)
• Situation ethics redefines the Bible and sin
(Jn. 12:48; 17:17; 1 Jn. 3:5; 15:17)
• Situation ethics perverts love (Jn. 14:15; 15:14;
Rom. 13:8-10; 1 Jn. 5:4)
What Other Cases of Adultery Will We
Justify in the Future?
• Situations involving a coma or a stroke
• Situations involving an extended hospital stay
• Situations of pedophilia or incest
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 82)
The article goes on to discuss the following issues…
What constitutes “proper” care…
Married caregivers must respect prospective partners
enough to provide clear ground rules…
Those considering dating a married caregiver must be
realistic…
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 82)
The article goes on to discuss the following issues…
Should caregivers confess their new relationships?
Those married with dementia should seek romances
What about lonely caregivers who believe dating is
unacceptable?
“When the Vow Breaks”
Is infidelity justified if your spouse has dementia?
Mary A. Fischer // AARP Magazine (Nov. 2011, p. 82)
“For his part, caregiver Herb sees a therapist weekly
and often discusses his guilt over his affair. Still, he says,
his girlfriend’s affection has revitalized him. ‘I’m still a
normal male who has needs,’ he says, ‘and this new
relationship has been wonderful.’”
What Is A Christian To Do?
But evil men and impostors shall wax worse and worse,
deceiving and being deceived.
But abide thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast
been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them.
And that from a babe thou hast known the sacred writings which
are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is
in Christ Jesus.
Every scripture inspired of God is also profitable for teaching, for
reproof, for correction, for instruction which is in righteousness.
That the man of God may be complete, furnished completely
unto every good work. (2 Timothy 3:13-17)