Responsible Parenting and
Parenting Styles
By Mrs. Tess Leones
Bukal Life Care &
Counseling Center
Ephesians 6:4
And you, fathers, do not provoke your
children to wrath, but bring them up in
the training and admonition of the Lord.
And you, fathers, do not irritate your
children, but bring them up tenderly with
true Christian training and advice
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should
go, and when he is old he will not
depart from it.
Point your kids in the right direction--when
they’re old they won’t be lost
Children are God’s Gifts, and
He says,
Bring Them Up In Nurture
and Christian Discipline.
Nurture:
Parental Warmth… The degree to which
parents are accepting, responsive,
and compassionate with their
children.
Parental Warmth Spectrum
------------------------------------------------------------------
Parents high | Parents who | Parents who
In warmth
| show little
| show no warmth
warmth
at all
HIGH WARMTH IS RECOMMENDED
Christian Discipline:
Parental Control… The degree to which
parents set limits and enforce rules.
Parental Control Spectrum
------------------------------------------------------------------
Parents with | Moderate degree | Very little
High degree |
of control
| or no control
of control
at all
MODERATE DEGREE OF CONTROL IS
RECOMMENDED
It has been found out that when
parenting is high in warmth,
children show better social and
academic skills. They are loving,
and respectful to their parents
and other people.
Numerous studies have shown
that children who received
little or no warmth at all
become more aggressive and
perform poorly in school.
Likewise, children who were raised by
parents with high degree of parental
control, as well as low control, show
depression, more prone to drug use
and delinquency. Parents low in
control are either lax, permissive, or
uninvolved with their children.
Needs of Children
Children have needs. Sometimes they
can be divided into “lower” needs and
“higher” needs… or physical and
psychological needs.
Physical (Lower) Needs
A Few of these include:
Food
Water
Clothes
Shelter
Higher (Psychological) Needs
Love
Esteem
Sense
of Belonging
Independence
Communication
Love Languages
Children have different sensory access
modes. Some auditory, others visual,
others kinesthetic. Therefore, they
have to be accessed through their
preferred sense modality.
Love Languages
Dr. Chapman has identified 5 Love
languages
1. Physical touch
2. Words of affirmation
3. Quality time
4. Gifts
5. Acts of service
Communication
Good communication is both verbal and
non-verbal
Communication should be two-way, not
just one way (“commander-in-chief”
or judge)
Should be reflective
Parenting Styles
Parents develop their own parenting
style that is unique to their particular
personality and their own beliefs
about how children should be raised.
We are influenced by how we were
raised (incorporating methods or
doing the opposite).
Parenting styles have been found
to predict a child’s well-being in
the area of social competence,
academic
performance
and
psycho-social development.
There are 4 Basic Parenting
Styles
These styles are based on two
elements:
1. Expression of Parental Warmth
(Love)
2. Expression of Parental Control
4 Parenting Styles
Authoritarian
Parents
Permissive Parents
Authoritative Parents
Rejecting/Neglecting Parents
Authoritarian Parents
Excessive Control
Minimal Warmth
Authoritarian Parents
highly demanding.
expect their orders
to be followed without
explanation.
no negotiation allowed
obedience centered (Commander-in-chief)
disciplinary methods tend to be harsh and
punitive
the parent-child relationship is fearful and
distant
Children of Authoritarian
Parents
tend to be fearful, anxious
have higher level of depression
rebellious/defiant toward authority figures
relies too much on authority for decisions
lower self-esteem; feels trapped and angry
but
afraid to confront his parents
he may perform well in school, but the
achievement is more to meet the parent’s high
expectations.
Permissive Parents
These parents have little control.
They may be “indulgent” or
“indifferent”.
Indulgent Permissive Parents
Are
overprotective
Submit to their children’s whims
and demands
Cannot say no to their children.
Indifferent Permissive Parents
Are negligent
Uninvolved in
their children’s
lives
Often inconsistent in setting
standards of behavior.
Children of Permissive Parents
Are often self-centered.
Are used to getting their own way
Are low in social responsibility
Display immature and regressive
behaviors and may grow up to be infantile
adults.
Lack self-disciple and have little respect
for others.
Children of Permissive Parents
They are more likely to have behavioral
problems, perform less well in school
and feel unloved. Because they feel
unloved or uncared for, they usually
attach themselves to peers who
similarly lack discipline.
Authoritative Parents
Balance of parental control
and parental warmth.
Authoritative Parents
Warm
and firm enforcing of standards of
behavior
Encouraging/affirming
Provides children with autonomy with
moderate limits
Use disciplinary methods that are supportive
rather than punitive
There is a clear communication between
parent and child, and the lines of
communication go both ways
Children of Authoritative Parents
Performs better in school
Is less hostile and has greater self-esteem
Shows more purpose and independence in
their activities
Is more self-reliant and more socially
competent.
Has positive coping skills
Has clear understanding of acceptable and
unacceptable behaviors
Neglecting/Rejecting Parents
These parents have low warmth.
rejecting
parents are harsh
and actively reject their children
neglecting
children
parents ignore their
Neglecting/Rejecting Parents
They fail to fulfill their
responsibilities as parents; they
may not be committed to the
task of raising children; they
may be depressed or
emotionally unavailable to their
children.
Children of Neglecting/Rejecting
Parents
show
higher rates of delinquency,
drug use and early sexual activity.
perform poorly in school
show disruptions in peer relations
as well as cognitive development.
Children of Neglecting/Rejecting
Parents
show
higher rates of delinquency,
drug use and early sexual activity.
perform poorly in school
show disruptions in peer relations
as well as cognitive development.
To My Grown Up Sons
By Alice E. Chase
My hands were busy through the day
I did not have time to play
The little games you asked me to.
I did not have much time for you.
I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook
But when you’d bring your picture book and
ask me please to share your fun,
I’d say “A little later, son.”
I’d touch you in all safe at night and hear
your prayers,
Turn out the light then tip toe softly to the
door,
I wish I’d stay a minute more, for life is short
The years rush past
A little boy grows up so fast
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide
The picture books are put away
There are no more games to play
No good night kiss, no prayers to hear
That all belong to yesteryear.
My hands once busy, now lie still
The days are long and hard to fill.
Oh I wish I might go back to do
The little things you asked me to.