If the font is blue
• If the font is blue it is to be written down.
Those things are your notes.
• If the font is black, pretend I am talking to you.
I tried to think of things I might say to you if I
was there.
• If you have questions, make sure to write
them down!!! I will answer them tomorrow.
Parenting Styles
What style will you Be?
Will you always use the same style?
If you want to raise a responsible
child…
• Most parents don’t research parenting styles
• You may have thought “I will not do as my parents did.”
• Studying and thinking about how the different styles
affect behavior may help you to decide how to act and
react to children.
• There are 4 basic styles:
Authoritarian
Authoritative
Democratic
Permissive
Four Parenting Styles
•
•
•
•
Authoritarian
Authoritative
Assertive-Democratic
Permissive
Authoritarian
• strict parents are highly controlling
• dictate how their children should behave
• stress obedience to authority and discourage
discussion
• expect their orders to be obeyed and do not
encourage give-and-take
• low levels of sensitivity and do not expect
their children to disagree with their decisions.
Authoritarian
• Examples
“You come back here right this minute and give
that ball back to Michael immediately.”
“You can’t go to the mall without me so don’t
ask again.
Authoritative
• set limits and rely on natural consequences for
children to learn from making their own mistakes
• explain why rules are important and why they
must be followed
• reason with their children and consider the
children's point of view even though they might
not agree
• are firm, with kindness, warmth and love
• set high standards and encourage children to be
independent
Authoritative
• “The ball belongs to Michael. I know you want to
play with it, but why don't you talk it over with
him and try and work out a system to take
turns?”
• “I am concerned about you going to the mall by
with just your friends. I’ll come along. We’ll plan
to meet every 45 minutes so we can check on
each other. That way, if there is a problem I can
be right there to help. This is the only way I am
willing to let you go.”
Assertive-Democratic
• Children have some input in rules
• Independence is fostered by giving the child a
certain amount of independence and freedom
of choice within rules
• When rules are broken both the child and the
parent problem solve together to find
acceptable punishments
Assertive-Democratic
• “The ball belongs to Michael. Can you ask Michael if
he is willing to take turns? If he says no, then you need
to think of another activity to do. I can help you think
of new things to do if you like”
• “I am concerned about you going to the mall with just
your friends. Let’s think about a different plan. How
about I come to the mall and sit at the food court and
you can check in every ½ hour or so? If not that, may
be someone’s older brother or sister can go with you
guys.”
Permissive
• Indulgent parents who exert little control
• Do not set limits
• Allow children to set their own rules,
schedules, and activities
• Do not make demands about behavior
Permissive Parents
• They do not interfere with the children
disagreeing over the ball. They feel it is better
to let them figure it out on their own.
• Allow the child to go to the mall
Do I have to be the same parenting
type all the time?
• NO!
• The age of the child, the type of activity or
behavior should dictate which type of parenting
style you use.
• Because Authoritarian parents don’t allow give
and take, the authoritarian parenting style should
only be used when a child should never have a
choice, i.e. what ever they want to do would put
them in danger.
Examples
Child age 4 colors on walls:
Authoritarian: yells at child takes away markers and
sends to bed
Authoritative: takes markers, talks about where
should have drawn and why. Has child help clean
the wall. Decides child will not have markers for a
week.
Assertive Democratic: takes markers, has child help
clean wall. Discusses where a child can draw.
Discusses what consequence should occur.
Examples
• Permissive Doesn’t respond to the drawing.
Ask yourself:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Which parenting style works for you?
Which one do you think will help guide a child the next
time they think about acting in the same manner?
Is the child in danger?
Have they placed anyone else in danger?
Have they caused some one pain or destroyed or
ruined property?
Do they understand the consequences of their actions?
Am I making up a rule, just to make up a rule or to just
suit my purposes. Is there value in the rule for the
child?
Remember
• Everyone has differing opinions
• Not everyone will act/react in the same
manner
• What behaviors are so important to you that
you want to be firm and nonnegotiable?
• Which behaviors can you give a child some
freedom?
Examples of varied parenting
For the 4-6 year old
• Authoritarian: you may not play in the street
• Authoritative: I know you don’t like eating
broccoli, but I have also made green beans.
You must eat one or the other.
Examples of varied parenting
• Assertive Democratic: I have put out 3 outfits
that are okay for you to wear today. Which
one would you like to wear?
• Permissive You may play with any of your toys
right now
Reasoning
• All of the above examples are reasonable uses
of parenting styles. They answer the
questions raised earlier about safety, control,
respect, and autonomy.
• Now complete the worksheet Parenting Styles
Practice You may work with your table. It will
be collected for a grade.
Think about it
• Now complete Practice Parenting Scenarios
• Work with a partner, be prepared to discuss
your answers tomorrow.
Be Positive!
• When you want children to listen, tell them
what you want, NOT what you don’t want.
• Example: If the child is getting water all over
the sink when washing their hands say: “Hold
your hands lower in the sink, that way the
water stays in the sink” instead of “Stop
splashing water everywhere!”
Practice make perfect
• Being positive and setting up an environment
where a child can meet success is not an easy
task.
• Imagine this: it has snowed last night and Johnny
aged 5, is excited about playing in the snow. You
bundle him all up go outside and within 5
minutes he has to go to the bathroom. He rushes
in the house, tracks snow everywhere, can’t get
out of the snow suit in time and wets his pants!
UGH!
• What if…
What if…
• Before you let Johnny outside, you make sure he
has gone to the bathroom
• You have placed baskets near the door for boots,
scarves, gloves, etc. so that snow, water, mud are
not tracked through the house
You have created a positive environment that the
child can be successful at maintaining. You have
thought about what the child will want to do and
did some trouble shooting so that both of you are
happy and not upset.
What can you do ahead of time
• You are going on vacation to the beach. Nina,
age 3 gets bored in the car easily. What can
you do ahead of time to try to make the trip
easier for you and Nina?
With your table, brainstorm some ideas.
What can you do ahead of time
• Your 7 year old has a play date at your house.
He will want to play with his friend but you
also want your 5 year old to be able to play as
well. How can you set up the scene so the
both 7 and 5 year old will be happy?
With your table, brainstorm some ideas.
Now add positive words
• When your children are playing, encourage
them by telling them what they are doing well
and when they aren’t doing something you
want them to do, THINK, how can it be
worded positively?
Time to Practice
• Complete the worksheet Being Positive
• Make sure you state what you want them to
do!
• Turn in when complete.