Loss Grief and Growth
Education Resource
Workshop for teachers
Developed with sponsorship
from:
“Death neither
obeys the school
timetable nor
appears on it... it
enters the
classroom without
knocking.”
www.winstonswish.org
The story...
Yves
Berthiaume –
story of his father
dying when he
was 12 and the
teachers who
supported and
mentored him
“We need to address the needs of
kids” Yves Berthiume
Developed tours of the funeral homes
“The most frequent question from
teachers…”
“How do I
support
grieving
students?”
Written by
teachers
for
teachers
Loss Grief and Growth honors
the relationship between
students and teachers.
Teachers are connected with
students:
• before, during and after the loss occurs.
• when some have forgotten the needs of a
grieving child.
Loss Grief and Growth honors
teachers as:
• mentors,
• creators of a safe
environment,
• communicators
inviting expression
of feelings and
fears, and
• creative leaders of
teachable
moments.
Loss Grief and
Growth honors
children
“We are powerless to control the losses and
catastrophic events our children may
experience, but by honouring their inner wisdom,
providing mentorship, and creating safe havens
for expression, we can empower them to
become more capable, more caring human
beings.”
Linda Goldman
Introduction
One of the myths of our
society is that it is possible to
insulate children from the
traumas of loss, death,
bereavement, and grief.
Loss is a
part of
life….
Types of losses
•
•
•
•
Divorce
Moving
Developmental
And out kids are
exposed to death
Death in the family
•
•
•
•
•
grandparents,
parents,
siblings,
pets,
friends …
Death in the media
• News - global community
violent/sudden/tragic/terrorist/war/conflict
• Movies, games
– fictional/unreal
Death in the school community
People
• peers
• teachers,
• support staff
• custodial staff
• family members
of peers
and school curriculum.
Death in the community
“Not only do we grieve as individuals, we
grieve as communities. Our lives are so
intertwined that each of us is affected by a
death in our community.” Dr. John Morgan
Grief
• is a normal
healthy response
to loss.
• is a whole person
response.
Drawing grief
Grieving
• is the process
of integrating
the loss into
ones life
• and making
meaning of
life’s
experiences.
Grieving
• is not something
to “get over”
• is not something
that needs to be
“fixed”
Grieving
• New losses can
trigger old losses.
• we regrieve at future
levels of growth,
development, and
future life events.
Misconceptions about grieving
• There is a right way to grieve
• There are stages of grief
• Grief is/should be time limited
– “It is time to get over this”
– “When will she “get over” this?”
Factors which influence grieving
The age and stage of development
Family
Social Support
System
Personality
traits
Gender
Grieving styles
“Intuitive” grieving style…
• The “typical grief
response” e.g.
crying, talking.
• Sadness is the
primary emotion.
• Grief is processed
through feelings.
Recognition
• of the loss
• the grief and
• the griever
“Disenfranchised grief “
“Instrumental” Grieving Style
• Little talk, lots of
action..
• Grief is
processed
cognitively rather
than emotionally.
• If expressed, an
emotion is more
likely to be anger
than sadness.
Type and
nature of
death
Cause of death
Cultural and
Religious
Beliefs
What you might see…
In Elementary and Middle
School:
• Children grieve in “doses”.
• Grief may be expressed through play.
Children may
temporarily regress to
a time of safety and
security.
Children may struggle to pay attention or
stay focused.
A child’s
quality of
work may
change for
better, or
worse.
A child may complain of fatigue and
illness more often than usual.
-> nightmares may be disrupting their
sleep.
School attendance may become
sporadic.
What you might see
in High School…
• An inability to focus or
pay attention.
•Changes in academic
performance.
•Complaints of fatigue and
illness.
•Sporadic school
attendance.
• a greater volatility of
emotions.
• there may be an
increase in risk
taking behaviours in
grieving teens.
Grief is not “an excuse”,
it may be
the
hardest
work the
student
has yet
faced in
life!
Developing an understanding of
death
Through the course of
developmental
stages and life
experiences, children
begin to grasp the
meaning of death.
Death is permanent
“ When is Grandma
coming back ?”
All body functions stop
“When someone dies, her body stops
working. The heart stops beating, and
breathing stops.The brain doesn’t send
or receive messages. She no longer can
see, hear, touch, taste , smell, eat, play,
feel or think. She cannot move.”
When Dinosaurs Die by Brown &Brown
Cause of death
Young children
may engage in
“Magical
Thinking”.
“She died
because I was
mad at her”
All living things
eventually die
Between the
ages of 7 to 12,
most children are
beginning to
grasp each of the
key components
of death
Responding to students…
Teachers can:
Teachers can help students grow
from loss by encouraging their
understanding:
• that people
grieve in
their own
ways.
• that help is
available
and that it
is okay to
ask for
help.
Teachers can encourage students
to grow from loss by helping in the
development of:
• clear language and vocabulary to name
their feelings .
• healthy ways to express feelings.
• sensitivity to the needs of others.
Saying and doing the “right thing”
• You do not need to be and you can not be
“prepared with the right thing to say”
• There is NO right thing to say.
General Guidelines
Be a good observer
• Know the signs of grief for the age and
gender of your students.
Be a good listener
Listen:
• for content.
• for “in-between the
lines” messages.
• and look for nonverbal clues.
Be flexible
Develop
accommodations
to address :
• Severe fatigue.
• Inattention.
• Confusion.
• An inability to
focus.
Be available
Above all…be patient
• Grief always takes longer than expected.
Be aware of your own feelings
Be honest
• Be a
companion,
not an expert.
• You don’t have
to have all the
answers.
Considering the guidelines
Great responses may include:
– Silence
– “I don’t know”
– “How can I be helpful?”
– Reflect on the previous slides of general
guidelines
Be willing
• To be sad
– Music
– Movies
• To be silly
– Music
– Cards
• To be creative
– Stories
– Music
– Games
• To connect
Be aware of cultural diversity
You might want to explore:
• How do people in this cultural community
demonstrate feelings of grief?
• What things will people in this community be
doing to support the family now and in the days
/weeks/months ahead?
• How do we best offer our support to the
family/the student?
• Is it appropriate to: send flowers/letters, visit the
home, attend the funeral…
You do not need to be a specialist
to offer support
• Grieving students do
not usually require
services of a
specialist.
• There is great value
in the social support
offered by the
school community.
“Critical Incident Response Teams”
• Mentor teachers to support students
– “After we responded to a few incidents this
school, the teachers were more confident in
addressing the needs of the students
themselves – we became a helpful presence
rather than doing it all”
Indicators of need for additional
support
•
•
•
•
•
Persistent denial of the death
Physically assaulting others
Persistent anger towards everyone
Pervasive depression/isolation
Prolonged feelings of guilt/responsibility
for death
• Excessive misbehavior
• Persistent lack of interest in any activity
• Drug/alcohol use
Activity
•
•
•
•
Choose a grade
Read the introduction
Choose one “TASK”
Choose one “Teachable Moment”
Your support of a grieving
student will change their life!
Resources
Acknowledgements
…to all educators who provided advice and
direction throughout the past decade!
…to the grieving students who allowed us to
share their journey…..
…and especially:
Accessing the document
Thank you!
Feedback sheet, please submit
Contact information:
info@fsac.ca