Raising Kids
with Character
STEP UP
College Of DuPage - October 5, 2013
Ken Fisher, Director
We often parent the way we were
parented (or not).
• How are you doing with parenting?
• How do you know?
• What are the measures?
Raising Kids with Character
The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
Why is Abraham Lincoln so revered?
 Though defeated in many elections, he became the
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16th U.S. President (and re-elected during the Civil War)
Gettysburg Address – November 19, 1863
Re-united the Nation – ending the Civil War
Helped pass the 13th Amendment – freed the slaves
Established the Secret Service – April 14, 1865
Treasury Dept. – counterfeit money (it would take
another 36 years and the assassination of two more
Presidents - Garfield and McKinley - before Congress
added protection of the President to its duties).
The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
Abraham Lincoln signed:
 Homestead Act - May 20, 1862
Opened western lands for homesteading
 Pacific Railway Act - July 1, 1862
Established a Transcontinental Railroad
 Morrill Act - July 2, 1862
Established land-grant colleges that eventually
became the nation's A & M universities such as
University of Illinois
 Emancipation Proclamation – Sept. 22, 1862
Executive Order that freed slaves in 10 states
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The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
Why Abraham Lincoln and parenting?
1. What was his family life like
growing up?
2. How was his relationship with his
father?
3. How many children did he have?
4. How would you rate him as a
parent?
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The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
Why is Abraham Lincoln so important?
Because of what he DID
(his accomplishments)?
or
Because of who he WAS
(his character)?
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The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
Why is Abraham Lincoln important today?
As a great model of character:
 Honesty
 Integrity
 Perseverance/Diligence/Fortitude
 Respect
 Duty/Responsibility
 Justice/fairness
Lincoln’s
Virtues
 Compassion/Empathy
 Courage (moral not physical)
 Pragmatism/principled realism
 Prudence/Wisdom
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Raising Kids with Character
AGENDA
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Welcome, Introduction, Lincoln
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Challenges Facing Parents
Purpose: Inspiration & Information
(Encouragement & Resources)
(Ideas & Tools)
What is Character?
Tools for Building Character
Resources for Moving Forward
Raising Kids with Character
Raising Kids with Character
If you could wave a magic wand so
that the person your child marries
has one of the following qualities,
which would you chose?
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Enormous wealth
Fabulous good looks
Superb athletic ability
Great fame
Good character
Raising Kids with Character
Why so Challenging?
Which of these have the
most influence on our
Youth?
- Dr. Hal Urban
30+ Year teacher
National Character Education Speaker
Author of Life’s Greatest Lessons,
Positive Words, Powerful Results &
Choices That Change Lives
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Past – Today
• Faith
• Home
• Media
• Peers
• School
Raising Kids with Character
Why so Challenging?
Recent Past:
1. Home
2. School
3. Faith
4. Peers
5. Media
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Today:
1. Media
2. Peers
3. Home
4. School
5. Faith
Raising Kids with Character
How are we doing with Character?
Better?
Worse?
About the
same?
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How to Build Character
Character development is most effective when it
begins at home...
is reinforced at school...
and supported throughout
the Community.
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SM
It takes a T.E.A.M. approach…
TEACH – children that their character counts
and that people of character do what is right.
ENFORCE – Reward good behavior while
discouraging negative instances with fair and
consistent consequences to prove we are
serious about character.
ADVOCATE – Make sure we are not neutral
about the importance of good character.
MODEL – Be careful and self-conscious about
setting a good example in what you say and do.
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Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
Character is power.
— Booker T. Washington
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Smart & Good High Schools:
Integrating Excellence & Ethics for
Success in School, Work, and Beyond
by
Dr. Tom Lickona & Dr. Matt Davidson
Major support provided by:
John Templeton Foundation
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Culture of Excellence & Ethics™
Professional Development Toolkits
Providing the knowledge & tools
needed for building a culture of
excellence and ethics.
© 2011 Institute for Excellence & Ethics, Inc (IEE)
The Institute for Excellence & Ethics, is a 501 (c)(3) non-profit
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Raising Kids with Character
The ability
to do our
best
work.
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The ability
to have
positive,
productive,
and ethical
relationships.
Performance Character
A Mastery Orientation
• The values needed to
do our best, including:
effort, self-discipline, goalsetting, perseverance, a strong
work ethic, a positive attitude,
creativity, and organization.
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Raising Kids with Character
“Every man's work, whether it be literature or
music or pictures or architecture or anything
else, is always a portrait of himself.”
- Samuel Butler (1835-1902) British writer
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then,
is not an act but a habit.”
- Aristotle
Moral Character
A Relational Orientation
• The values needed for successful
relationships and ethical behavior,
including:
fairness, caring, loyalty, honesty,
respect, integrity, and humility.
• Moral character ensures that we pursue
“victory with honor.”
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Character = Values in Action
Assertiveness
Curiosity
Initiative
Effort
Diligence
Leadership
Courage
Confidence
Enthusiasm
Loyalty
Sport
Imagination
Empathy
Forgiveness
Acting
Kindness
Respect
Resourcefulness
Determination
Grit
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Civility
Wisdom
Resilience
Endurance
Accountability
Integrity
Service
Citizenship
Bravery
Honor
Gratitude
Justice Love
Responsibility
Creativity
Entrepreneurial
Patience
Friendship
Self-Discipline
Energy
Self-Control
Cooperation
Positive Attitude
Faith
Prudence
Generosity
Perseverance
Work Ethic
Commitment Ambition
Drive
Courtesy
Caring
Honesty
Humility
Peace
Compassion
Trust
Mercy
There’s a difference between:
• Performance = the outcome (the grade,
the honor or award, the achievement).
• Performance character = those qualities
needed to pursue our personal best—whether
the outcome is realized or not.
• Talent = the natural ability we are born with
(intellectually, artistically, physically, etc.).
• Character development = the process by
which we develop the dispositions NEEDED
FOR maximizing our talent potential.
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Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
Talent is Overrated
"Sports do not build character. They reveal it."
- Heywood Hale Broun, American sportswriter
“Ability is what you are capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it. ”
- "Lou" Holtz, football coach
"Winning doesn't always mean being first.
Winning means you're doing better than you've
ever done before.”
- Bonnie Blair speed skating gold medalist
Raising Kids with Character
Talent is Overrated
Recent research and publications:
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Talent is Overrated (2010), Geoff Calvin
Mindset (2006), Carol Dweck
Drive (2009), Daniel Pink
Outliers (2008), Malcolm Gladwell
Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance
(2006), Anders Erickson
• Character Strengths and Virtues (2004), Christopher
Peterson & Martin Seligman
• Grit (2007), Angela Duckworth
• How Children Succeed (2011), Paul Tough
Raising Kids with Character
Taken together, we must have both:
Do our
best
work.
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Treat each
other with
respect and
care.
Raising Kids with Character
We shape the culture,
The culture shapes character.
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Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
Tool: A faster way to do a job more
consistently.
Raising Kids with Character
Different job, different tools. Still a
faster way to do a job more consistently.
Raising Kids with Character
2 Power2Achieve Tools:
Attitude/
Effort
Rubric
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Integrity
in Action
Checklist
Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
How comfortable would you be?
“Lead your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to
sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”
- Will Rogers
Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
Create Families of Character
- Dr. Tom Lickona,
The Center for the 4th & 5th Rs
- Raising Good Kids
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1.
2.
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5.
6.
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Make character development a high priority
Be an authoritative parent
Love children
Teach by example
Manage the moral environment
Use direct teaching to form conscience & habits
Teach good judgment
Discipline wisely
Solve conflicts fairly
Provide opportunities to practice virtues
Foster spiritual development Chapt. 2; 2004
Raising Kids with Character
Building Moral Intelligence
- Michelle Borba, Ed.D.
Moral Intelligence = the capacity to tell right from
wrong; to have strong ethical convictions and
to act on them in a right and honorable way.
Consists of 7 essential virtues:
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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Empathy
Conscience
Self-control
Respect
Kindness
Tolerance
Fairness
The Moral Core
Raising Kids with Character
How Children Succeed
- Paul Tough
Developing certain character strengths is the
most powerful tool in producing happy and
well-adjusted kids.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
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grit
self-control
zest
social intelligence
gratitude
optimism
curiosity
Raising Kids with Character
How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid
- James A. Califano Jr.
former HEW Secr.
The Nine Facets of Parental Engagement
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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
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Be there: Get involved in lives and activities
Open the lines of communication – wide open
Set a good example: Actions more than words
Set the rules and your child to follow them
Monitor your child’s whereabouts
Maintain family rituals, such as dinner together
Incorporate religious and spiritual practices
Get Dad engaged – and keep him engaged
Engage with the larger community
Raising Kids with Character
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Raising Kids with Character
“Parents often talk about the
younger generation as if they
didn’t have anything to do with it.”
— Dr. Haim Ginott
Between Parent and Child
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Raising Kids with Character
“Adversity does not build character,
it reveals it.”
- James Lane Allen (1849-1923); novelist
My father said there are two kinds of
people in the world: givers and takers.
The takers may eat better, but the givers
sleep better.
- Marlo Thomas; actress
Raising Kids with Character
"Character may be manifested in the great
moments, but it is made in the small ones.”
- Phillips Brooks
“The truth is that parents are not really
interested in justice. They just want
quiet.”
— Bill Cosby
"Nothing is more important for the public
welfare than to form and train our youth in
wisdom and virtue.” -- Benjamin Franklin
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Raising Kids with Character
In the Workplace?
"By themselves, character and integrity do not
accomplish anything. But their absence faults
everything else.”
- Peter Drucker
"In looking for people to hire, look for three
qualities: integrity, intelligence and energy.
And if they don’t have the first, the other two
will kill you."
- Warren Buffett
Raising Kids with Character
Character Development Reminder
You don’t have to be
sick to get better.
- Michael Josephson
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Raising Kids with Character
Character Development Reminder
“I’m not what I ought to be,
Not what I am going to be,
But I am thankful that I am better
than I used to be.”
— John Wooden
UCLA Teacher/Coach
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Character development is a life-long
process – for ALL of us
Raising Kids with Character
Character Development Reminder
It takes a T.E.A.M. approach…
• TEACH – to do what is best
• ENFORCE – reward good and
discourage negative behavior
• ADVOCATE – don’t be neutral
• MODEL – set a good example
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© 2000 Josephson Institute
Raising Kids with Character
Character Development Reminder
“Character is like a tree
and reputation like its
shadow. The shadow is
what we think of it;
the tree is the real thing.”
— Abraham Lincoln
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The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
Why is Abraham Lincoln important today?
As a great model of character:
 Honesty
 Integrity
 Perseverance/Diligence/Fortitude
 Respect
 Duty/Responsibility
 Justice/fairness
Lincoln’s
Virtues
 Compassion/Empathy
 Courage (moral not physical)
 Pragmatism/principled realism
 Prudence/Wisdom
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Raising Kids with Character
“Every one of us receives and passes on
an inheritance. It may not be an
accumulation of earthly possessions or
acquired riches, but whether we realize it
or not, our choices, words, actions and
values will impact someone and form the
heritage we hand down.”
— Ben Hardesty
Musician (The Last Bison)
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What is the legacy you will leave?
Kids With Character!
STEP UP
Raising Kids
with Character…
is about helping our children learn to be
“successful” in life through the power of
character (performance and moral) AND
using the strength of our own character to
consistently put our values into action.
Raising Kids with Character
Resources
 Books:
 Character Matters, Dr. Tom Lickona
 Building Moral Intelligence, Dr. Michelle Borba
 How Children Succeed, Paul Tough
 How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid, James A. Califano, Jr.
 Websites:
 www.lincolncharacter.org
www.excellenceandethics.com
www.charactercounts.org
www.character.org
 Ken Fisher = kfisher@lincolncharacter.org
The Abraham Lincoln Center
for Character Development
For more information:
 Contact:
Ken Fisher, Director
(630) 302-2136 (mobile)
(720) 381-6711
kfisher@lincolncharacter.org
 Visit:
www.lincolncharacter.org
www.excellenceandethics.com
www.charactercounts.org
www.character.org