FACING THE CRISIS OF THE FAMILY
IN THE NAME OF THE CHILDREN:
FIRST COMPARATIVE SURVEY ON
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
STRASBOURG 23 OCTOBER 2013
EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT Room LOW 3.1
www.colibri-italia.it
JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY IN BELGIUM
AND
AGE-ADAPTED PARENTAL PLANS
Jan Piet H. de Man
Child and Family Psychologist
Accredited Family Mediator
European Institute for the Best Interests of the Child
de.man@scarlet.be
1
in
Belgium
Jan Piet H. de Man
Child and Family Psychologist
Accredited Family Mediator
European Institute for the Best Interests of the Child
de.man@scarlet.be
2
Law tending to privilege the egalitarian housing of the child
of separated parents
and regulating the forced enforcement
in matters of child housing
18 JULY 2006
Civil Code Art. 374 § 2 :
“In case the parents do not live together and seize the court with their dispute, the
agreement on the housing of the children is homologated by the court except when
it obviously is contrary to the interest of the child.
In the absence of an agreement, in case of joint parental authority, the court examines
with priority, at the request of at least one parent, the possibility of fixing the housing
of the child in an egalitarian way between his parents.
However, if the court estimates that the egalitarian housing is not the most appropriate
formula, it can decide to fix a non-egalitarian housing.
Anyhow, the court decrees by a specially motivated judgment, taking into account the
concrete circumstances of the case and the interest of the children and of the parents.”
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
3
Loi tendant à privilégier l'hébergement égalitaire de l'enfant
dont les parents sont séparés et réglementant
l'exécution forcée en matière d'hébergement d'enfant
18 juillet 2006
§ 2. Lorsque les parents ne vivent pas ensemble et qu'ils saisissent
le tribunal de leur litige, l'accord relatif à l'hébergement des
enfants est homologué par le tribunal sauf s'il est manifestement
contraire à l'intérêt de l'enfant.
A défaut d'accord, en cas d'autorité parentale conjointe, le
tribunal examine prioritairement, à la demande d'un des parents
au moins, la possibilité de fixer l'hébergement de l'enfant de
manière égalitaire entre ses parents.
Toutefois, si le tribunal estime que l'hébergement égalitaire n'est
pas la formule la plus appropriée, il peut décider de fixer un
hébergement non-égalitaire.
Le tribunal statue en tout état de cause par un jugement
spécialement motivé, en tenant compte des circonstances
concrètes de la cause et de l'intérêt des enfants et des parents.
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
4
More general information:
Study on the Enforcement of Family Law Judgments
National Report of Belgium
Prof Marta PERTEGÁS Professor of Private International Law,
University of Antwerp –Counsel Nauta Dutilh (Brussels)
www.ua.ac.be/marta.pertegas
Prof Frederik SWENNEN Professor of Family Law, University of
Antwerp – www.ua.ac.be/frederik.swennen Attorney-at-law
GREENILLE Estate & Trust Attorneys – www.greenille.com
http://ec.europa.eu/civiljustice/publications/docs/family_rights/belgium_e
n.pdf
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
5
Best Practice?
“the agreement on the housing of the children is
homologated by the court”
A parental agreement is the best guaranty for the
children’s best interests =>
YES
Best Practice?
“the court examines (…) the possibility” and
“if the court estimates that the egalitarian housing is
not the most appropriate formula, it can decide to fix
a non-egalitarian housing.”
This leads to disputes pro and contra “egalitarian
housing”. Parental disputes harm the children’s best
interests. =>
NO
Better?:
Law Proposition concerning
the Housing Regulation of Minor Children
with their Non-Cohabiting Parents
(deposited by Mr. Guy Swennen)
30 March 2004
“In the absence of such an agreement, the judge, when one of
the parents requested it, enunciates an in time as equal as
possible shared parenting, except when there are objective
reasons in the interest of the child not to grant it, and
determines the domicile.”
Best practice would be to stimulate parents to elaborate
agreements (in law and/or jurisdiction and/or expertise):
“As long as the parents do not agree on the parenting time
schedule for their children, the children shall be taken care of
alternatingly during half of the time by each of their parents.”
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
8
8
A PARENTING PLAN is since long compulsory
in Belgian “mutual consent divorce”:
Art.1288 Jud.C.: The spouses must fix in written their conventions
about the following topics: (…)
2° their authority on the person and their management of the
assets of their children and the right to personal contact (…)
3° the contribution of each spouse to the cost of living, the
upbringing and the adequate education of their children”
Best practice:
A parenting plan should be compulsory
before the start of every divorce or separation procedure
(as it is in The Netherlands).
9
FAMILY MEDIATION
Art. 387bis Civ. C.:
“The court tries to reconcile the parties. It gives them all useful
information on the procedure and especially on the interest of
having recourse to mediation, as provided in the seventh part
of the judicial Code. When it establishes that a reconciliation is
possible, it can order the adjournment of the procedure in
order to allow the parties to gather all useful concerning
information and to start the mediation process.”
(The parents have to agree on going to a mediator.)
Best practice:
Compulsory information session and try-out of
mediation (subventioned by the Justice department)
before the judicial procedure (as in Canada etc.)
10
PRACTICE
in Flanders
“2,207 divorced families in which there was at least one common child at the
time of the residential separation.”
“Joint physical custody = child lives at least 33% of time with each parent”
“The frequency of sole mother custody has decreased over time: the
incidence has dropped from almost 80% to approximately 53%. This
decrease was nearly balanced by an increase in joint physical custody, which
has tripled over three decades. The incidence was less than 10% for couples
divorced before 1995, but joint physical custody was the arrangement for 33%
of the most recently divorced couples.”
“cooperative couples were more likely to have joint physical custody
compared to sole mother custody”
“joint physical custody was most likely when children were between 4 and 12
years old” “at the residential separation”.
p.831-833.
An Katrien Sodermans, Koen Matthijs, Gray Swicegood:
Characteristics of joint physical custody families in Flanders.
DEMOGRAPHIC RESEARCH, Volume 28, article 29, pages 821-848, published 16 april 2013.
http://www.demographic-research.org/Volumes/Vol28/29/
11
PRACTICE
Changes over time
“The association with the highest change over time was parental
conflict. (...) Before 1995 joint physical custody was significantly
associated with low parental conflict. For example, parents with
joint physical custody arrangements that divorced before 1995
reported a mean conflict score of 3.9, whereas this figure was
4.7 for sole father custody families and 5.6 for sole mother
custody families. However, the association between parental
conflict and the custody arrangement was absent for couples
that divorced after 1995.”
“joint physical custody became more widespread among
average-educated parents after joint physical custody had been
legally adopted (2006).”
p. 833.
12
PRACTICE: JUDGMENTS
Frequencies
In a 2010-2011 research in 2 Belgian courts
concerning 276 judgments in cases in which
fathers asked an egalitarian housing (equally shared parenting),
this housing regulation was granted in 37 % of the cases.
Of the remaining 63 %,
an in-between regulation like 9/5 was ordered
in 17,25 % of these cases (10,9 % of the total),
while in the remaining 82,75 % (52,1 % of the total),
the traditional half-of-the-weekends-regulation (or less)
was ordered.
Dossier “Intérêt de l’enfant dans le cadre de la loi sur la garde alternée”.
Dossier realisé avec les collaborations de Céline Lefèvre, Sophie Tortolano, Thierry Riechelmann, Eric Messens.
Mental’idées n°19 (février 2013).
Les tendances statistiques des décisions judiciaires en matière d’hébergement, p. 26.
13
PRACTICE: JUDGMENTS
REFUSING ORDERS
The 200 motivations for these 174 refusing orders were
(each order could have several motivations; absolute numbers):
1. Young age: 41
2. Order of preliminary social inquiry, study, police inquiry: 34
3. Conflict between parents: 32
4. Need of progressivity: 32
5. Need of permanence/anchorage in the maternal house: 21
6. Inadequate professional time schedules and
occupations/distances between domiciles: 20
7. Childrearing deficiencies: 14
8. Material deficiencies: 6
14
PRACTICE: JUDGMENTS
GRANTING ORDERS
Motivations (89) for the 102 positive decisions:
1. Nothing is opposed to the installment of an egalitarian housing:
correct conditions in father and mother: 60
2. Need of equilibrated contacts with father and mother: 19
3. Childs opinion for egalitarian housing (more than 12 years): 4
4. No specification of the motivation: 4
5. Egalitarian housing practiced since …: 2
15
Best practice:
16
Scientific Bases
Kelly, J. & Lamb, M. E. (2000).
Using child development research to make appropriate
custody and access decisions.
Family & Conciliation Courts Review, 38, (3), 297-311.
Berger, Maurice & Gravillon, Isabelle:
"Mes parents se séparent", Ed. Albin Michel, 2003.
Jaede, Wolfgang: “Was Scheidungskindern Schutz gibt.
Wie sie unbeschädigt durch die Krise kommen.”
Verlag Herder, 2008. e-book ISBN 978-3-451-33069-8
Rotsaert, Joke (18/12/2012). Universiteit Antwerpen
(persoonlijke mededeling).
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
17
The Age and the Housing Schedule of the Child
Progressive Calendar
Age
0 to 6 Months
Maximal Separation
3 times a Week
Housing Schedule
Each time 3 hours with the father
6 Months t 1 year
3 times a Week
Each time 4 hours with the father + 1 Night
1 to 3 years
3 times a Week, but 24 hours in the
Weekend with the father
each time 5 hours with the father
(e.g. 1/1/1/1/1/1/1)
3 years
not more than 3 days separated
from one parent
not more than 4 days separated
from one parent
not more than 5 days separated
from one parent
not more than 6 days separated
from one parent
not more than 7 days separated
from one parent, 10 days in holidays
not more than 7 days separated
from 1 parent, 2 weeks in holydays
not more than 14 days separated
from one parent, when the
youngster wants this schedule
e.g. 3/2/2
4 years
5 and 6 years
7 years
8 and 9 years
10 to 13 years
14 years and older
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
e.g. 3/2/2
e.g. 5/5/2/2
e.g. 5/5/2/2
e.g. 7/7
e.g. 7/7
e.g. 14/14
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
18
18
More recent scientific research
• Kelly , J. B. (2005). Developing beneficial parenting plan models for
children following separation and divorce. Journal of American
Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 19, 101-118.
• Kelly, J. B. (2007). Children’s living arrangements following
separation and divorce: Insights from empirical and clinical research.
Family Process, 46(1), 35-52.
• Michael E. Lamb and Joan B. Kelly: Improving the Quality of ParentChild Contact in Separating Families with Infants and Young
Children: Empirical Research Foundations. In R. M. Galazter-Levy, J.
Kraus, & J. Galatzer-Levy. (2009). The scientific basis of child custody
decisions. (Second edition). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley. (pp. 187-214): S. 1011.
• Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D. © 2010: Options for Parenting Plans – (School
Age). (personally communicated .ppt)
• Linda Nielsen (May 2013): Custody and Overnights for Young
Children: Large Issues, Small Data. WJFL, Vol. 33, p. 8-11.
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
19
19
Age adapted parenting plan: Subjective Opinions
“Various writers and researchers cautioned that any overnight time
away from mothers before age three23 or age four24 is harmful to the
mother-infant attachment, and therefore strongly recommended
against overnights with fathers. No empirical support has sustained
these recommendations, (…) but the prohibitions against overnights
for young children with their fathers, who are not strangers but a
second important attachment figure, remain central in popular thinking,
custody evaluation recommendations, and judicial decision-making.26 ”
23
WILLIAM F. HODGES, INTERVENTIONS FOR CHILDREN OF DIVORCE: CUSTODY, ACCESS, AND PSYCHOTHERAPY (1991).
Solomon & Zeynep Biringen, Another Look at the Developmental Research: Commentary on Kelly and Lamb’s
‘Using Child Development Research to Make Appropriate Custody and Access Decisions for Young Children’, 39 FAM.
CT. REV. 355, 361 (2001).
26 Author experience as family law judicial trainer and presenter at national and international divorce conferences.
24 Judith
Joan B. Kelly (2005): Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children Following
Separation and Divorce. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Vol. 19, 237-254, at
243-244.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-iOqOKLc35POG5MazFfejhidzQ/edit?pli=1
20
Age adapted parenting plan: Objective Facts
“More recently, empirical longitudinal research reported that no
detriment to children from birth to three years is associated with
overnights with fathers.27 Mothers and fathers of those children who
had overnights reported fewer social and attention problems in their
children, and less withdrawn behavior among girls, compared to those
without overnights. Among children from age four to six, overnights
were associated with significantly fewer psychological adjustment
problems, when compared to those without overnights. Consistency
of schedule was a most important predictor of good adjustment, as
children with inconsistent schedules were reported by mothers and
fathers to have more social problems and internalizing symptoms.”
27
Marsha K. Pruett, et al., Critical Aspects of Parenting Plans for Young Children: Interjecting Data into
the Debate About Overnights, 42 FAM. CT. REV. 39, 53-56 (2004), (study excluded families with a history
of domestic violence.)
Joan B. Kelly (2005): Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children
Following Separation and Divorce. Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial
Lawyers, Vol. 19, 237-254, at 244.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-iOqOKLc35POG5MazFfejhidzQ/edit?pli=1
21
Age adapted parenting plan: Objective Facts:
Why?
“Although evidence exists of gender differences in the parenting of
fathers and mothers (for example, fathers play with their young
children proportionately more than do mothers; physical care giving is
a larger component of mother-infant interactions, compared to
fathers), parents are more similar in interacting with their young
children than different, and both parents make significant
contributions to their children’s social and cognitive development
and their emotional well-being through their nurturance, interest, and
approval.29 ”
29
Michael E. Lamb, The Role of the Father in Child Development (Michael E. Lamb ed., 3rd
ed. 1997).
Joan B. Kelly (2005): Developing Beneficial Parenting Plan Models for Children
Following Separation and Divorce. Journal of the American Academy of
Matrimonial Lawyers, Vol. 19, 237-254, at 244.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-iOqOKLc35POG5MazFfejhidzQ/edit?pli=1
22
Age adapted parenting plan: Simple Rule
A Child should not be separated
from one of its parents
for more days
than its age in years
(or, in casu, the age of the youngest sibling).
i.e. maximally 1 day for a 1 year old child,
maximally 2 days for a 2 years old,
1 week (e.g. week/week) only from
the end of the 1st year of the primary school,
12 days (= traditional half of the weekends) only from
the end of the 1st year of the secondary school, etc..
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
23
23
23
Age adapted parenting plan:
What is it About?
The Child‘s
,
its ability to overlook the future
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
24
24
The Child‘s
Subjective Time Perception
% of its Age
1 year old child experiences 1 day as long as its 30 years old parents 1 month
1 „ „
„
„
12 days (between 2 alternating WEs) „ „ „ „ 1 year
Kindergarten child „
12 days „ „ „
„
„
„
4 months
„
„
„
1 week (in a week/week)
„
„
2 months
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
25
25
Concrete parenting time schedules:
general rules
Avoid (interpretation) conflicts
(in the presence of the children)!
=> Precise formulations!
Stimulate elaborating
agreements!
26
Concrete parenting time schedules:
preliminary general stipulations
“All schedules of this parenting plan are valid as
long as both parents and their children do not
agree on an other schedule.”
“As long as the parents and their child(ren) do not
agree on the place of transition, the child(ren)
will be brought and collected at its (their)
nursery or nurse or school.”
“Each parent may authorise an other person to
collect his/her child(ren), with notification to the
child(ren).”
27
Concrete parenting time schedules:
Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D., and Divorce Resolutions, LLC., 2003:
Child Custody Parenting Plans Options (Children of School Age)
Some Possible Options for Child Custody Parenting Plans for Children of Divorcing Parents.
www.ColoradoDivorceMediation.com/family/Child-Custody-Parenting-Plans-Options.pdf
Time of the child with one and with the other parent
(Nearly) every other weekend: 11/3
„The last school day of each school week
comprising the first, third or fifth Friday of the month
the father (mother) will collect his (her) child(ren)
at its (their) school(s)
and bring it (them) back to its (their) school(s) the next school day.“
-Meistens- 6/28 Übernachtungen = 21% der Zeit in den Schulwochen.
11/3 : 6/28 Übernachtungen
Sonn
Mon
Diens
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
Mit
Donn
Frei Sams Sonn
Mon
Diens
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
Mit
Donn
Frei
Sams
28
Every other weekend: 12/2 (11/3)
According to that children’s subjective time
perception ”simple rule”, this traditional option
only really guaranties the best interests of the
child when it has finished its first year of
secondary school (ca. 12 years)!
“This option establishes 12 days separation from the
second parent. Divorce research indicates that this is
often too long for many children, and may diminish the
second parent’s importance to the children — with
fewer opportunities for involvement in their day-to-day,
school and homework activities. In addition, this option
provides little relief to the first parent from children
responsibilities.”
Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D., and Divorce Resolutions, LLC., 2003:
Child Custody Parenting Plans Options (Children of School Age)
29
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
30
30
Divorce as Risk for Children
“A large body of empirical research confirms that divorce increases the
risk for adjustment problems in children and adolescents (for reviews, see
Amato, 2000; Emery, 1999; Hetherington,1999; Kelly, 2000; McLanahan, 1999; Simons et al., 1996).
Children of divorce were significantly more likely to have behavioral,
internalizing, social, and academic problems when compared with
children from continuously married families. The extent of risk is at
least twice that of children in continuously married families (Hetherington,
1999; McLanahan; Zill, Morrison, & Coiro, 1993). Although 10% of children in
continuously married families also have serious psychological and
social problems, as measured on objective tests, estimates are that
20–25% of children from divorced families had similar problems
(Hetherington& Kelly, 2002; Zill & Schoenborn, 1990). The largest effects are seen in
externalizing symptoms, including conduct disorders, antisocial
behaviors, and problems with authority figures and parents. Less
robust differences are found with respect to depression, anxiety, and
self-esteem. (…) preadolescent boys were at greater risk for these
negative outcomes than girls»
Kelly , Joan B. and Robert E. Emery: Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives.
31
Family Relations, 2003, 52, 352–362, p. 355.
“Children in divorced families have lower academic performance
and achievement test scores compared with children in continuously
married families. The differences are modest and decrease, but do
not disappear, when income and socioeconomic status are
controlled (for review, see McLanahan, 1999). Children from divorced families
are two to three times more likely to drop out of school than are
children of intact families, and the risk of teenage childbearing is
doubled. (…) Children from divorced families have more difficulties
in their intimate relationships as young adults. Compared with young
adults in continuously married families, young adults from divorced
families marry earlier, report more dissatisfaction with their
marriages, and are more likely to divorce (Amato, 1999, 2000; Chase-Lansdale,
Cherlin, & Kierman, 1995). Relationships between divorced parents and their
adult children also are less affectionate and supportive than those in
continuously married families (Amato & Booth, 1996; Zill et al., 1993). When
divorced parents denigrated the other parent in front of the children,
young adults were more likely to report angry and less close
relationships with the denigrating parents (Fabricius & Hall, 2000).”
32
Kelly , Joan B. and Robert E. Emery: Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives.
Family Relations, 2003, 52, 352–362, p. 356.
Every other weekend: Effects on Children
In “a middle-aged sample (age 35–84, N = 2,496)” “Those who
experienced parental divorce as a child (…) or as an adult (…) had a
higher risk of depression compared to those whose parents are still
married. Similar results were found for family solidarity, suggesting
that parental divorce was associated with long-lasting effects on the
children who experienced it.”
Holly Uphold-Carrier & RebeccaUtz:
Parental Divorce Among Young and Adult Children: A Long-Term Quantitative Analysis of Mental Health and Family Solidarity.
Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, Volume 53, Issue 4, 2012, pages 247-266, 21 May 2012
http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10502556.2012.663272#.UmFNghbnYUI
33
Every other week: 7/7
„In the even calendar weeks the father will,
and in the odd calendar weeks the mother will
collect their child(ren) at its (their) school(s)
on the last school day of each school week
and take care of it (them) during the following weekend
and school week.“
14/28 overnights, 50% of the school weeks time.
7/7 : 14/28 overnights
Sun
Mon
Tues
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
Wed Thurs
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon
Tues
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
34
Every other week: 7/7
According to that children’s subjective time
perception ”simple rule”, this traditional option only
really safeguards the best interests of the child when
it has finished its first year of primary school (ca. 7
years)!
By that age/developmental phase, the child has
learnt the names of, and is able to recognise and
foresee the week days.
“Note: changing households on Friday after school often
works better than on the traditional Monday after school
approach (allowing for a “winding-down” at the time of
transition, rather than requiring “gearing-up” at that time).”
Joan B. Kelly, Ph.D., and Divorce Resolutions, LLC., 2003:
Child Custody Parenting Plans Options (Children of School Age)
www.ColoradoDivorceMediation.com/family/Child-Custody-Parenting-Plans-Options.pdf
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
Children’s best interests?
Outcomes for Children in Shared Residential Custody
compared with children who “live almost exclusively with their mother”
Study
! Other
!
! Psychological ! Behavioral ! Relationship ! Relationship ! Physical health
! Emotional
!
! with father ! with mother !
Spruijt & Duindam (2010)
! Same
! academically
! Better
!
Fabricius et al. (2010)
Neoh & Mellor (2010)
Kaspiew et al. (2009)
Melli & Brown (2008)
Campana et al. (2008)
Fabricius & Leucken (2007)
Breivik & Olweus (2006)
!
!
!
! Same
!
! Better
!
! Better
!
! Better
!
!
! same academically ! Better
! drugs and drinking !
Lee (2002)
!
! Better
Buchanan & Maccoby (1996) ! better academically ! Better
Pearson & Thoennes (1991) !
! Better
Luepnitz (1991)
!
! Same
Brotsky et al. (1991)
!
! Better
Modified from:
! Better
!
! Better
!
!
! Better
! more stressed !
! Better
!
! Better
! Better
! Better
!
!
! Better
! Better !
!
!
!
! Better
! Better
! Better
! Same
! Better
!
! Better
!
!
!
! Better
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
! Better
!
!
!
! Better
!
! Better
!
!
!
!
! Better
!
!
!
!
!
! Better
!
!
!
Linda Nielsen (2011) Shared Parenting After Divorce: A Review of Shared Residential Parenting Research,
Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 52:8, 586-609, DOI: 10.1080/10502556.2011.619913. Page 598.
36
Every other Weekend +
each Week 1 fixed Day + Night: 6/1/1/3/2/1
„... Moreover (s)he will go and get their child(ren) from
its (their) school each Wednesday and bring it (them)
back to its (their) school the next school day morning.“
-Normally- 10/28 overnights = 36% of the school weeks time.
6/1/1/3/2/1 (10/28 overnights)
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thurs
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri
Sat
Every other weekend +
each week 2 same days: 3/2/2
„Each Monday of each odd calendar week, the child(ren) is (are) collected by its (their)
mother at the transition place, where she brings it (them) back on the next
Wednesday morning; the next Friday, she collects it (them) at the transition place
and brings it (them) back there on the next Monday morning. Each Monday of each
even calendar week, the child(ren) is (are) collected by its (their) father at the
transition place, where he brings it (them) back on the next Wednesday morning; the
next Friday, he collects it (them) at the transition place and brings it (them) back
there on the next Monday morning.
When the Monday is not a school day, the bringing will be done on the first school day
of that week. When the Friday is not the last school day of the week, the collecting
will be done on the last school day of that week.“
„... the transition place …“
14/28 overnights, 50% of the school weeks time.
3/2/2 (14/28 overnights)
Sun
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
Every other weekend +
each week 2 same days: 3/2/2
According to that children’s
subjective time perception ”simple rule”
(age’s years = maximal separation’s days),
this option with shorter separation periods
can well be “digested” and thus
really safeguards the best interests of the child
when it is 3 years or older (kindergarten).
The schooldays are very simply foreseeable
for whatever week,
without the need of looking in an agenda.
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
DAY BY DAY,
also during the weekends (1/1/1/1/1/1/1)
„Each day their child(ren) will be brought by one
parent to its (their) nursery or nurse (name and
address), where the other parent will collect it (them)
the same day and bring it (them) back the next day.“
14/28 overnights, 50% parenting time.
1/1/1/1/1/1/1 (14/28 overnights)
Sun
20.09.2012
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon
Tues
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
40
DAY BY DAY,
also during the weekends (1/1/1/1/1/1/1)
According to that children’s subjective time perception
”simple rule” (age’s years = maximal separation’s days),
this option with even shorter separation periods
can well be “digested” and thus
really safeguards the best interests of the child
when it is 1 year or older.
One of the advantages of this day-by-day-schedule is that the child
does not have to pack its necessary things for more than 1 or 2 days:
cuddly toy, clothes, school books and utensils, laptop, …
Thus it is very convenient for secondary school pupils too.
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
Every other School Day
(3/1/1/1/1/3/1/1/1/1)
„Each school day the child(ren) shall be brought to
its (their) school by the parent with hom it (they)
spent the night, taken that day from its (their) school
by the other parent, who shall bring it (them) to its
(their) school the next school day.“
14/28 overnights, 50% parenting time.
3/1/1/1/1/3/1/1/1/1 (14/28 overnights)
Sun
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
Every other School Day (3/1/1/1/1/3/1/1/1/1)
This schedule is well suited for children from Kindergarten on.
The transitions take place at the school.
Thus, it is avoided that the child(ren) has (have)
to experience possible parental conflicts (at their doors).
The children have to take less (school) things with them
than in the 3/2/2/3/2/2 schedule.
Fixed Parts of each day
“Each day the mother (father) works,
the father (mother) will collect their child
at its nurse(ry) (name and address)
and take care of it until (s)he brings it
to the mother’s (father’s) home
between …:… and …:… o’clock.”
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
Fixed Parts of each day
Babies need fixed “rituals” in order to recognize and
know the world.
For this reason, it is necessary, that the “visiting” parent
appears into his baby’s life at always the same part of
the day, when the same things happen, and does the
same activity with him, with the same rituals.
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
NEST CARE
Not the children move from one parent to the other, but
the parents move in turn into their „child(ren)‘s house“ („nest“)
in order to take care there of their child(ren).
The nest care model is possible for all parenting time schedules.
Thus, the children always stay in their familiar surroundings and so
are not stressed by „movings“ or possibly long trips in trains or planes.
Less traveling of the children and of the parents
also saves money and time.
The nest care model is most money saving when the parents can live
with new partners, their parent(s) or friends during the periods in which
they do not take care of their children in their „nest“.
If not, a small studio would be sufficient.
15.12.2011
23.10.2013 Strasbourg
Themenabend
Stuttgart
CHILDREN CUSTODY IN EUROPE
46
NEST CARE (2)
Because the parents don‘t need 2 homes that are large enough to
house their children, „nest care“ is financially advantageous.
The children don‘t need own rooms in 2 homes, nor 2 wardrobes,
toy boxes, bicycles, computers, etc.!
With a day-by-day-schedule (1/1/1/1/1/1/1), agreements about
the fridge content are reduced to a minimum. Each parent can
bring the (main) meals for the next 24 hours with him/her.
Agreements about the cleaning and upkeep of the „nest“ are
necessary.
BEST PRACTICES
USE OF THE FAMILY HOME
On the basis of the empirical scientific research findings I now
know about what best safeguards the children’s best interests,
I would recommend the following best practice principles
for judgements or/and laws:
1) As long as the parents do not agree on what parent will stay
in the home, their child(ren) should stay in their family home
(= "nestbirding" = "nest care").
2) As long as the parents do not agree on what parent will stay
living with their child(ren) in that family home, each parent should
in turn go there to take care of their child(ren).
BEST PRACTICES
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE
3) As long as the parents do not agree on a parenting time
schedule, they should each in turn take care of their child(ren)
for 1 day.
However, as soon as all their children go to school, each parent
should take care of them during the whole weekend (from the
last school day of the week to the next school day), unless the
parents and their child(ren) agree on an other parenting time
schedule.
4) As long as the parents and the child do not agree on another
transition place, the child should be deposited at and got from
its school or day care place.
BEST PRACTICES
FAMILY HOME ALLOCATION
5) If the parents agree not to practice "nest care", but do not
agree on who will stay living in the family home, the parent
who takes care more than the other one of their child(ren)
may stay living in the family home, as long as both parents
do not agree otherwise.
When both parents take care of their child(ren) for the same
amount of time, the parent with the lower income may stay
in the family home, as long as both parents do not agree
otherwise.
WHAT CAN “EUROPE” DO?
Researchers now are strongly stimulated to publish in scientific
journals, not in media for the concerned professionals and the
general public, who would profit from the scientific evidence to
make and/or encourage evidence-based decisions.
In case of separation/divorce, evidence-based decisions would
be able to diminish the risks of damaging the children’s
evolutions (health, serious psychological and social problems,
antisocial behavior (delinquency etc.), education, etc.) and the
costs thereof for the parents and for the society .
The scientific knowledge that is necessary for these evidencebased decisions should be transfered to the concerned
professionals, parents and public opinion.
This transfer should be stimulated by subventions for the
scientists and other people and organisations who publish
their results in news papers, in magazines for the concerned
professionals and in the internet, and who tell their results and
practical conclusions in parents’ and professionals’ conferences
and in TV, radio, internet video’s, etc..
51
Thank you for your attention!
Merci beaucoup pour votre attention!
Vielen Dank für Ihr Interesse!
Dank u wel voor uw belangstelling!
Jan Piet H. de Man
European Institute for the Best Interests of the Child
Institut Européen pour l‘Intérêt de l‘Enfant
Europäisches Institut für das Kindeswohl
Europees Instituut voor het Belang van het Kind
de.man@scarlet.be
52