Choosing a Mate
The decision to follow Christ (and become a Christian
as an initial step) is the most important decision you
will ever make in your life, cf. Acts 13:46.
It obviously changes everything from that point
forward in your life until death- and determines where
you will spend eternity.
But there is another decision that ranks just below that
one in importance.
The second most important decision you will ever
make is:
It also changes everything in your life from that point forward
in life until death, and is the single greatest factor (outside of
your decision to be a Christian) influencing your eternal
destiny. No single person will have more impact on you and
you faithfulness to Christ, and therefore your eternal destiny,
than your spouse. Choose wisely.
Choosing a Mate
Some initial observations:
• This lesson is not just for teenagers and the
unmarried.
• Those married need to teach their children how to
properly choose a mate.
• Older folks need to be teaching their married children
and grandchildren on the subject, and teach them what
to teach their children in this regard.
• They need to know that we should choose our mates
carefully, rather than depending on “falling” in love;
proper, biblical love of a spouse is a decision that
produces emotion- not the other way around, cf.
Eph.5:22-33; Titus 2:1-8.
• We must choose to love the right person! So…
Choosing a Mate
Where to begin?
• With a Proper Understanding of “Marriage” Itself:
Marriage is an institution of divine arrangement, given
by God in wisdom and mercy, to increase human
happiness, in which a man and woman agree to live
together as husband and wife, each faithfully
fulfilling the responsibilities and obligations of the
contract till through death they part.
This definition is a sermon (or three) all by itself- but
such will have to wait until another occasion.
I would like to concentrate in this lesson on being and
choosing the right person for a lifetime
commitment- which is, again, the second most
important decision you will ever make.
Choosing a Mate
There are at least 5 areas which must be
considered in being and choosing the right
mate:
1. Character
Moral and ethical strength which is derived from God’s
Word is essential, cf. 2Pet.1:5 (“moral excellence”).
Integrity is an essential element of righteousness, and
is perhaps further defined in vv.1-6 as including selfcontrol, v.1; peaceable, vv.2-3; hard-working, v.4;
thoughtful, v.5; loyal and trustworthy, v.6.
Character would necessarily also include commitment,
1Cor.7:39; sense of fairness, 1Cor.7:2-5; and loyalty.
Loyalty includes not only fidelity, but also the overall
matter of seeking the welfare and best interests of
your mate, Eph.5:28-29; 1Pet.3:2,6-7.
Choosing a Mate
There are at least 5 areas which must be considered
in being and choosing the right mate:
2. Maturity
Much like entering a lifetime commitment to Christ,
marriage is for grownups. It is for the mature.
Each potential partner should possess the personal
maturity to adequately consider the commitment required
in marriage, cf.1Cor.13:11; 14:20.
One not capable of caring for themselves and managing
their own life is certainly not ready to do so for another,
1Tim.5:8.
Maturity often manifests itself as the ability to realize one’s
past and present sufficiently to see their future- of course
in a limited sense. It’s learning from past mistakes,
accurately assessing present circumstance, and making
good decisions regarding the future. It is an essential
element of maturity, Luke 14:26-33.
Choosing a Mate
There are at least 5 areas which must be
considered in being and choosing the right
mate:
3. Independence
Certainly character and maturity are good indicators of
independence. But are you and your potential mate
capable (and desirous) of the collective independence
required of marriage? Look closely at Gen.2:24:
 Leave- personal maturity through independence
financially, emotionally, and to some degree socially.
 Cleave- “forsaking all others” is part of the contract; it
shows commitment and permanence which result
from character and maturity.
 One Flesh- in the sexual union, yes, but also in the
formation of a new, independent couple/family.
Choosing a Mate
There are at least 5 areas which must be
considered in being and choosing the right
mate:
4. Overall Disposition
What is your and his/her basic attitude and approach to
life? Are these compatible in attitudes and
approaches to problems, work, life, goals, and
aspirations- including, especially toward God, and
what it takes to get to heaven?
A person with a poor disposition is usually a selfish
person. This is counterproductive to marriage, and
therefore certainly must be seriously considered,
Phil.4:4-8; Eccl.9:9; 1Pet.3:10-12.
If you constantly have to prop-up him/her up, or if there
is constant friction when you are dating, don’t expect
it to change after marriage. Disposition counts.
Choosing a Mate
There are at least 5 areas which must be
considered in being and choosing the right
mate:
5. Common Interests
The more important a goal, hobby / interest, dream, or
value is to you, the more important it is that it is
shared by your potential mate, Amos 3:3.
Certainly this would include, but is not limited to
spiritual matters.
When we fail to consider this aspect prior to marriage,
friendships are sought or maintained outside of
marriage because of shared interests. This can
undermine the basic companionship issues of the
marriage (cleave from Gen.2:24), and can obviously
result in extreme difficulties.
Choosing a Mate - Conclusion
God gave marriage to us for our earthly happiness, and
to allow us to help one another toward heaven
through the most intimate of all human relations.
If we are what we are supposed to be, and choose
someone to marry who is likewise, marriage can be a
foretaste of heaven here on earth.
If we fail to be what we ought to be, and/or choose
someone who is likewise, marriage can be a foretaste
of hell here on earth.
Understand what marriage is before entering; and be
and choose a person of Character, Maturity, and
Independence who has an Overall Disposition and
Common Interests that are compatible with yours.