Interpersonal
Relationships
Basic Concepts
1
What is an IP Relationship?
Interpersonal relationship – a
series of interactions between two
individuals known to each other
“Good” interpersonal relationship –
one in which the interactions are
satisfying to and healthy for those
involved
3
3 Types of Relationships
1. Acquaintances – people we know by name
and talk with when the opportunity arises,
but with whom our interactions are limited
2. Friends – people with whom we have
negotiated more personal relationships
3. Close friends or intimates – people who
like each other enough to seek each other
out because they enjoy each other’s
company and share their deepest feelings
4
Connected Relationships
Impersonal relationship – one in
which a person relates to the other
merely because the other fills a role
or satisfies an immediate need
Personal relationship – one in which
people share large amounts of
information with each other and meet
each other’s interpersonal needs
5
Relationships (Three Stages)
Build
Stabilize
Deteriorate
Based on the communication involved!
6
Feedback & Disclosure
What is the difference?
Johari Window – Jo Luft & Harry Ingham
Known
to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known
to self
Open
Blind
Secret
Unknown
W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76
8
Johari Window
Known
to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known
to self
Blind
Open
Unknown
Secret
W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76
9
Johari Window
Known
to self
Known to
others
Open
Not known
to others
Secret
Not known
to self
Blind
Unknown
W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76
10
Johari Window
Known
to self
Known to
others
Not known
to self
Blind
Open
Not known
to others
Unknown
Secret
W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76
11
Johari Window
Known
to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known
to self
Open
Blind
Secret
Unknown
W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76
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Johari adjectives
able
accepting
adaptable
bold
brave
calm
caring
cheerful
clever
complex
Confident
dependable
dignified
energetic
extroverted
friendly
giving
happy
helpful
idealistic
independent
ingenious
intelligent
introverted
kind
Knowledgeable
logical
loving
mature
modest
nervous
observant
Organized
patient
powerful
proud
quiet
reflective
relaxed
religious
responsive
searching
self-assertive
self-conscious
sensible
sentimental
shy
silly
spontaneous
sympathetic
tense
trustworthy
warm
wise
witty
Nohari negative variant adjectives
incompetent
violent
insecure
hostile
needy
ignorant
blasé
embarrassed
insensitive
dispassionate
Inattentive
intolerant
aloof
irresponsible
selfish
unimaginative
irrational
imperceptive
loud
self-satisfied
over dramatic
unreliable
inflexible
glum
vulgar
unhappy
inane
distant
chaotic
vacuous
passive
dull
timid
stupid
lethargic
unhelpful
brash
childish
impatient
panicky
smug
predictable
foolish
cowardly
simple
withdrawn
cynical
boastful
weak
unethical
rash
callous
humorless
Dialectic
 “Any systematic reasoning process
that juxtaposes opposed or
contradictory ideas, seeking to
resolve their conflict”
 Yin-Yang
Relational Dialectics
 Contradictory pulls in relationships.
Relational Dialectics (3)
Autonomy/Connection
I need my own space.
I want to be close.
Novelty/Predictability
We need to do
I like the familiar
something new.
rhythms we have.
Openness/Closedness
I like sharing so
There are some
much with you.
things I don’t want
to talk about.
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Managing Dialectical Tensions
 Temporal Selection – selecting one side
of a dialectical contradiction for a period of
time, ie. for a time suspend a side for the
other.
 Topical segmentation – separating
situations as a way of managing dialectical
tension, ie. treat topics differently.
 Neutralization – compromising to partially
satisfy needs, ie. find a middle of the road.
 Reframing – putting less emphasis on the
dialectical tension, ie. change your view on
the differences.
Relationship Theories
 IP Needs Theory -
Psych. Wm. Schutz
 Whether or not a relationship is started,
built, or maintained depends on meeting
each other’s IP Needs.
 3 basic IP Needs:
 Affection• Underpersonal – Overpersonal - Personal
 Inclusion• Undersocial – Oversocial - Social
 Control • Abdicrats – Autocrats - democrat
Relationship Theories – con’t.
 Exchange Theory -
Psych. Thibaut & Kelley
 Relationships can be understood in terms
of the exchange of rewards & costs that
take place during the IP relationship.
 Rewards • Outcomes that are valued by a person
• Outcomes that a person does not wish to
 Costs
occur
• Comparison
Level of Alternatives
You must nurture relationships through
supportive not defensive communication
Defensiveness – a negative feeling or
behavior that results when a person
feels threatened.
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Examples of:
Supportive
Defensive
Communication
Communication
Evaluation
Description
Certainty
Strategy
Provisionalism
Spontaneity
Control
Problem Orientation
Neutrality
Empathy
Superiority
Equality.
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Relational Disintegration
(Deterioration)
The communication in deteriorating
relationships is marked by three
stages:
 Recognition of Dissatisfaction
 Process of Disengaging
 Ending
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Misguided Relationship
Termination Strategies
Manipulation – intentionally
presenting evidence of a breach of
faith, then leaving it to the other party
to take direct action
Withdrawal/avoidance – use of
indirect methods to achieve the goal
Positive tone – the intentional use
of positive communication methods
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Managing Dialectical Tensions
Temporal selection – selecting
one side to support
Topical segmentation –
separating
Neutralization – compromising
Reframing – taking a fresh
approach – change your perceptions.
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If communication is irreversible,
do personal attacks ever serve a
constructive purpose in a relationship?
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