An overview of
Marriage and
Family Counseling
Dr. Scott Sparrow
Systems Theory
A person is himself or herself in the context of relationships.
The usual focus on a person’s feelings, thoughts, and
internal struggles will not reveal the relationship forces that
create distress or health
A relationship is governed by feedback, or circular
causality, in which each person continually responds to the
other in predictable ways that sustain patterns of interacting
in the system.
Systems Theory
Problems originate in, and are perpetuated by
relationship dynamics. Solutions can be found in
changing relationship dynamics.
Systemic change can occur by intervening or
restructuring the patterns of interacting between members
School of Family Therapy
• MRI Cybernetics -- Bateson, Haley, Jackson
• grant to study schizophrenic families
• feedback loops
• circular causality
• rules
• Bowen
• studied schizophrenic families -- mother child fusion
• three-generation model, genogram
• fusion and differentiation
• triangulation
School of Family Therapy,
cont.
• Strategic -- Haley and Mandanes
• paradoxical directives
• highly directive without explaining reasons
• insight not necessary, still working under the assumption that families resist change
• presenting problem needs to be the focus. Once it is resolved, therapy is over
• Structural -- Minuchin
• boundaries
• hiercharchies
• enactments
• more collaborative than Strategic -- teaching and coaching
• presenting problem may mask more important issues, esp. marital
School of Family Therapy,
cont.
• Human Validation Process -- Satir
• nurturing
• family sculpting, parts party, concrete symbols, touching
• focused on teaching direct communication
• Experiential Family Therapy -- Whitaker
• therapist’s personal involvement essential
• highly experimental, playful, creative
• confrontive
• existentialist
Families in Distress
All families face two types of stressors
Developmental stressors
Environmental stressors
Families in distress are not sick, but have been
unable to adjust to the stressors
Developmental Stressors
marriage
1st child
1st teenager
gender role changes
death of parent
children leave home
Environmental Stressors
fire
injury
war
new job or job loss
economic recession
storm losses
Why Families Enter
Therapy
• Stressors -- environmental and developmental -- arise in
the normal course of a family’s life.
• The failure of its members to accommodate to stressors
leads members to disengage from some members, and
become enmeshed with others
• Indirectness of communication and anxiety ensues, with
triangular relationships substituting for direct encounter and
the pursuit of intimacy.
• Identified patient is usually reason for entering therapy, but
often only the symptom of family distress..
A distressed family
Is often unwilling to take responsibility
Interprets problems from a linear causality perspective,
rather than a circular perspective.
Suffers a confusion of levels (children and parents)
Forms coalitions (a parent and a child against another
parent)
Appoints children to quasi-adult roles (a child taking on the
role of one parent’s confidant)
Rules Matter
Families have rules that determine how balance is
reinstated. If something violates the rules, then one
of two things happen:
Members reassert the rules.
The family changes the rules.
Values Matter
Families have values that assign meaning to various
events. It is important to understand those values in
working with families.
Values are a function of family and cultural origins.
Language Matters
Families have ways of describing people and
situations that reflect their values and rules.
It is important to understand the way the family uses
language, in order to effectively reframe people and
situations whenever a more positive viewpoint is
possible.
Reframing is using language to describe a person or
a situation in a more positive way.
A Step-by-Step Approach to Family
Therapy -- the Initial phase
• 1) Inviting entire family to session
• 2) Joining and building a collaborative relationship
• 3) Assessing problem from multiple perspectives
• 4) Assessing family rules, values, language patterns,
and goals (teleological lens)
• 5) Assessing cultural issues (multicultural lens), and
family of origin for patterns across the generations
(developmental lens) -- genogram
A Step-by-Step Approach to Family
Therapy --Interventions
• 6) Observing, or tracking interactional patterns -- asking
process questions (Bowen)
• educates the family about circular causality
• I-position encourages taking responsibility and ending of
blame
• 7) Observing and encouraging typical dynamics -enactments (Minuchin). Therapist may use
• Reframing, “stroke and a kick”
• Assigning tasks
• boundary adjustments
• eliciting and supporting competencies
Restructuring Concepts
• Supporting parents (hierarchies)
• Insulating parents from their own families of origins
• Insulating parents from children
• Establishing direct communication or “Detriangulating”
• Nurturing competencies through reframing symptoms
as strengths and assigning tasks
• Redefining relationships one-to-one with family of
origin
Classic Problems:
Critical/enmeshed parent in-law
Acting out teenager
Affairs
Classic Problems:
Critical/enmeshed parent in-law
unwillingness of adult child to assert boundaries
unwillingness of son/daughter in-law to confront
parent directly
can lead to carryover of anger of adult child to
spouse
Interventions:
Critical/enmeshed parent in-law
Establish better boundaries and privacy between
couple and parent
Confront in-law by adult child
Establish direct relationship between son/daughter
in-law and parent in-law (de-triangulation)
Classic
Problems:
Acting out teenager
Usually one parent is disengaged from the family
The other parent is usually over-involved in the
“problem” child’s life.
There is a lack of intimacy between couple due to
preoccupation with child.
There is often a neglect of other children’s needs
Interventions: Acting Out Teenager
Get couple to work together to
resolve differences, clarify rules,
and express expectations
Reframe teenager’s behavior if
possible
Encourage direct communication
between teenager and
disengaged parent(s) without
interference
Classic Problems: Infidelity
Usually occurs during major developmental or
environmental stressors, which disrupt
communication and intimacy between spouses
Can be due to lifelong suppression of one’s needs
in the context of a marital relationship
Can be due to lack of intimacy due to family
pressures
Interventions--Affairs
Establish that it takes two for
an affair to happen.
Need to communicate
unspoken needs
perhaps too much difference
or “complementarity”
perhaps not enough
“similarity,” and quality time
explore unexpressed dreams
Tools for All Seasons
Focus on process (how) rather than content (what)
Focus on interpersonal dynamics, rather than personal feelings
and thoughts
Focus on here and now, vs. there and then
Tools for All Seasons
Teach Circular Causality/Reciprocity
Ask “process questions” that encourage linking one’s own
behavior to the effects on others, example: “What effect does it
have on her when you withdraw and watch TV?” or “Have you
tried to talk with him about it rather than giving him the silent
treatment?”
Encouraging I-position, not talking about others
Explore cross-generational patterns
Tools for All Seasons
De-triangulating
Getting people to talk directly without interruptions
Role playing direct communication
Having everyone present for meeting
Acknowledging competencies and putting them to work
Reframing -- “Stroke and Kick” -- Reframe and redirect
Genograms for cross-generational patterns
Quiz
On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is “not at all”, and 10 is “very much
or very often,” answer the following:
1. I get along with my partner.
2. I respect my partner.
3. My partner shows respect for me.
4. When I get upset with my partner, I speak my mind openly
even if I have to get mad.
Quiz
5. My partner and I have a lot in common.
6. My partner and I have different things that we are good at.
7. I have resolved most of my issues with my parents.
8. I find it difficult to take responsibility for my part when things go wrong
between me and my partner.
9. There are things in my family’s past that I have a hard time talking
about.
10. I tend to be the one that my family comes to when they have a
problem with someone else.
Quiz
Give yourself one point on every question from question #1-7 that you
gave yourself a 6 or higher on.
Give yourself one point on every question from #8-10 that you gave
yourself a 4 or less.
So, how healthy are you in relationship?
8-10 very healthy in relationships
5-7 doing pretty well, could use targeted work
3-4 counseling recommended
0-2 counseling strongly recommended
ew ofMarriage and Family Counseling
Thank you!
Dr. Scott Sparrow