Healthy Relationships
SELF-ESTEEM
RELATIONSHIPS
DATING & INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
Grades 7-8
Adapted From: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexuality and Reproductive Education.
Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.
Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem:
Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. It is the
knowledge that we are lovable, we are capable, and we
are unique.
Good self-esteem means:
• having a healthy view of yourself,
• having a sense of self-worth,
• having a positive outlook,
• feeling satisfied with yourself most of the time,
• setting realistic goals.
Points about Self-Esteem:
 Self-esteem is crucial to our personal wellness.
 Self-esteem is based on life experiences and
personal relationships.
 Self-esteem changes over time depending on life
circumstances.
Can anyone think of examples
to prove these points?
Healthy Self-Esteem Includes:
 The ability to develop
healthy relationships
 Having healthy thoughts
and feelings about your
body
 Awareness/acceptance of
personal strengths and
weaknesses
 The acceptance of one’s
sexuality
 The ability to accept
responsibility for one’s
behaviour
 Feelings of competence,
independence, selfcontrol and respect for
others
 The ability to set limits
for oneself and to create
boundaries
How is Self-Esteem Developed?
 By our environment?
 How others see us?
 Personal awareness of strengths?
 Support from significant others (family, friends)?
 Body image?
 Mental health?
 Physical abilities?
 Stereotypes?
 Culture?
 Gender?
How Does Self-Esteem Contribute to
Healthy Relationships?
Self-esteem and relationships are really two sides of
the same coin. . .
• Having healthy self-esteem allows you to develop
healthy relationships
And
• Having healthy relationships helps to develop
healthy self-esteem.
Relationships
Relationships Defined:
 A relationship is simply a connection
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between two or more people.
A relationship does not have to be a romantic
relationship.
Relationships are based on some commonly accepted
values (e.g., respect, honesty, fairness, consideration,
commitment).
A healthy relationship is a shared responsibility and
requires effective communication.
A relationship can be affected by controllable and
uncontrollable factors.
Types of Relationships:
 There are many different types of relationships that
serve many different purposes.
Can you name some different types of
relationships?
Examples of Relationships:
 Friendship
 Boyfriend/Girlfriend
 Acquaintance
 Neighbor
 Parent-Child
 Teacher-Student
 Teammate
 Boss-Worker
 Mentor
 Co-worker
 Sibling
 Classmate
What do you think these people get out of
their relationships?
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship:
Closeness
Communication
 You are caring and loyal
 You are honest with each other
 You trust each other
 You listen to each other
 You share your feelings
 You support each other
Shared Goals & Beliefs
 You share beliefs & values
 You recognize & respect each
other’s differences
Shared Experiences
 Share interests & friends
 Talk about your experiences;
accept & respect each other’s
differences
Respect
 You use respectful language and
actions with one another
 You understand each other’s
wishes and feelings
 You can compromise
Humour
 You enjoy being with each other
and can laugh together
Caring
 You show each other you care
Unhealthy Characteristics in a Relationship:
 No trust
 Unfair fights
 No respect
 Lack of understanding
 Jealousy
 Little or bad
 Abuse:
emotional/physical
 Low self-esteem
 Power issues
 Fear
 Lies
communication
 Manipulation
 Based only on physical
attraction
 Partner tries to change
you
Qualities of a Relationship
CLASS ACTIVITY
Adapted from: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexual and Reproductive Health
Education. Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.
Stress and Pressure in Relationships:
 Unhealthy characteristics in a relationship will lead to
stress and possible pressures in a relationship.
 Some of these characteristics may only apply in a
dating relationship, but many can apply in all sorts of
relationships (best friends, acquaintances, siblings).
 Remember, if you find yourself feeling pressured or
controlled in a relationship, talk to someone you trust
about the situation. Always ask for help when you
need it.
Making Positive Decisions:
If you are faced with stress or pressure in a
relationship, it is important to make positive decisions:
1) Think of all your choices
2) Think of the most likely results of those choices
3) Think of the risks involved with each choice
After you have made a decision, learn from it. Did it
work? Why or why not?
Case Study 1:
You have an agreement with your parents that
you are to go home every day after school and do your
homework until one of them gets home from work.
Since this is an opportunity to get homework done, you
are not allowed to have friends over after school. Today,
however, a couple of friends try to talk you into hanging
out with them after school. Since neither of your
parents get home until almost 6:00 pm, you could hang
out with your friends and then go home without your
parents knowing. What should you do?
Grades 5 to 7
Case Study 2:
Tina is out with her friend Cheryl, Cheryl’s
boyfriend Tony, and another friend named Chris. After
a while, Cheryl and Tony start to kiss. Chris then starts
kissing Tina. This feels pretty good to Tina. But then
Chris tries to get Tina to go into the bedroom. Tina says
“NO”, but her friend Cheryl tells Tina not to be so lame.
What should Tina do?
Grade 8
Communication Skills:
 Communication is an important part of all relationships.
 We all communicate verbally and non-verbally. Listening
is also an important part of communicating.
 It is important that we all learn to communicate directly
with one another.
Types of Communication:
1.
Passive: giving in and saying yes when you don’t want to;
keeping your concerns to yourself
2.
Aggressive: using threats or force; dominating others;
putting yourself first at the expense of others
3.
Passive-Aggressive: giving in or keeping your concerns
to yourself but will later get back at the person in a sneaky
way
4.
Assertive: standing up for your rights without denying
the rights of others; asking for what you want in a
straightforward manner
How to be Assertive:
In order to communicate in an assertive manner, it is
important to make eye contact and to speak in a clear,
firm voice. Try using “I” messages.
I feel _______ when ______ and I want ______.
Try using an “I” message for these situations:
1) A friend keeps asking to copy your homework and
you don’t want to give it to him/her.
2) Your partner tells you that he/she wants to have
sex, but you just don’t want to.
Dating & Intimate
Relationships
Dating Situations
CLASS ACTIVITY
Adapted from: White Ribbon Campaign in a Box: Promoting Healthy, Equal Relationships.
Toronto: White Ribbon Campaign, 2007.
When You Decide to Date:
 A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself
and your partner.
 You have fun together and you and your partner can be
yourselves.
 All relationships are different, but healthy relationships
share at least five things in common - the S.H.A.R.E.
qualities.
S = safety
H= honesty
A= acceptance
R= respect
E= enjoyment
Source: Healthy Relationships. SexualityandU.ca, 2010.
Bad Reasons for a Relationship:
 Because many of your friends have girlfriends or
boyfriends
 Because you are lonely
 Because you want to seem more mature
 Because you want to prove something
 Because your friends are pressuring you into dating
someone
 Because someone is pressuring you about having sex
Creating Boundaries in Relationships:
 Boundaries:
These are like invisible lines that you set around
yourself to separate “you” from others (your romantic
partner included). They also set limits to protect
ourselves physically and emotionally. They let us and
others know what we are comfortable with and what
we are uncomfortable doing.
Relationships and Sexual Activity:
 There is no simple answer or checklist to tell you that
you are ready to have sex.
 You need to look inside yourself to know if you are
ready to have sex. You also need to be comfortable
talking to your partner about sex, risks and how to
have safer sex.
 If you’re not comfortable talking about sex and/or
preparing to have safer sex, you’re not ready for it.
Always Ask Yourself:
Before deciding to have sex, look at how you feel about
yourself and about your partner.
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Do you trust your partner?
Do you enjoy being around them?
Do you want to be intimate with them?
Would you feel comfortable being naked with them?
Remember…
If you don’t feel like you can be yourself with your partner,
or you feel pressured into doing things you’re not
comfortable with or that you wouldn’t normally do, always
talk to someone you trust and get help if you need it.
Reasons for Not Engaging in Sexual
Activity:
 It is normal and okay to wait as long as you want before
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having sex.
The decision is yours to make, and it is going to be yours
to live with.
Make sure it is the right decision.
Sex is a personal issue. It’s something that you should
discuss with your partner, yourself and maybe your
doctor. It’s your choice, and that’s all that matters.
Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing;
independence is a sign of maturity…having sex is not.
Other Reasons to Wait:
 Religious beliefs
 Concerns about reputation
 Possibility of pregnancy
 Possibility of sexually transmitted infections
 Personal belief in abstinence
 Waiting for the right partner
 Lack of trust in your partner or the future of the
relationship
 Not feeling ready