Was It Something I Said?
Developing Communication Techniques that Enhance
Ethical Reasoning and Diversity Understanding
Beccy Hambright, Ph.D.
Program Manager
T-STEM Center
Texas Tech University
Little Pitchers Have Big Ears!
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Communications
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Written
Verbal
Nonverbal
Listening
Conflict Resolution
Guidelines for Objective Recording
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Record only facts
Record every detail without omitting anything
Use action verbs when possible
Observe without interpretation
Record only what you see and hear
Use words that describe but do not judge
Record facts in order of occurrence
Key Concepts - Documentation
• Observing/recording children’s behavior
planned and ongoing
• Accurate assessment when data is unbiased
• Observation is basis for individualization
• List behaviors chronologically and accurately
• Only record factual information – never
emotions, motivations, intelligence
Verbal Communication
• Build respect and rapport by –
being open to new ideas
respecting the rights, needs, and opinions of
others
seeking clarification for understanding
avoiding hidden agendas
seeing other’s perspectives
Avoid “Red Flag” (Subjective) Words
• Feelings – happy, sad, mean, kind, bored, lazy,
cooperative
• Intelligence – smart, stupid, bright, aboveaverage, underachiever
• Reasons for doing things – helpful, out-ofcontrol, spiritual, frivolous
• Self-concept – weak, pretty, ugly, athletic,
secure, insecure
Communication Blockers
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Blaming
Saying “always” and “never”
Name calling; labeling
Giving advice/commentary
Negating what another has to say
Disrespecting differences, language barriers,
socioeconomic levels
Communication Pitfalls
• Putting self before
others –
• “Seek first to
understand, then to
be understood” (S.
Covey)
• Making assumptions
• Do you think
“outside the box?”
• Distractions
• Listening skills
Nonverbal Communication
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Kinesics – posture and gestures
Affect displays – face and eyes
Haptics – touch
Chronemics – time
Remember – these vary
within cultures
Nonverbal Communication
• PROXEMICS
Intimate distance (embracing, whispering)
6-18 inches
Personal distance (friends’ conversations)
1.5-4 feet
Social distance (conversations with
acquaintances) 4-12 feet
Public distance (public speaking) 12+ feet
Nonverbal Communication
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Women are more sensitive than men to nonverbal
cues – especially facial cues—and they transmit
more accurate nonverbal cues to others.
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When contradictory messages are sent through
both verbal and nonverbal channels, most adults
see the nonverbal message as more accurate.
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People with low self-esteem use more eye contact
when receiving negative messages than when
receiving positive ones, while those with high selfesteem do just the opposite in each case.
Nonverbal Communication
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When people are conjuring up a lie, their
pupils tend to become smaller. However,
when they tell the lie, their pupils tend to
dilate (enlarge).
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The three nonverbal cues an interviewer
remembers most about a job applicant are:
gestures, posture, and handshake.
What Kind of Listener Are YOU?
• If you feel that it would take too much time
and effort to understand something, do you
try to avoid hearing it?
• Do you think about other subjects when you
believe your partner will have nothing
interesting to say?
What Kind of Listener Are YOU?
• Do certain words, phrases, or ideas upset you
so you cannot listen to what is being said?
• When someone is talking to you, do you listen
mainly for facts, rather than ideas?
What Kind of Listener Are YOU?
• When you’re listening, are you easily
distracted by outside sights and sounds?
• When you’re angry about what’s
being said, do you pretend that
nothing is wrong or that
you understand?
What Kind of Listener Are YOU?
• Most people think four times faster than a
person usually talks. Do you use this extra
time to think about other things while you’re
keeping track of the conversation?
• When another person is talking to you, do you
try to make him/her think you’re paying
attention when you’re not?
Children should be taught
responses to differences which are
positive and appropriate.
Results of Bias
Children and often adults are not prepared
intellectually or emotionally with the
realities and demands of their
present day lives
Children’s Learning
• Children notice differences and respond to
them from an early age
• Developmental tasks occur which construct
identity and attitudes
• Societal stereotyping and bias influence
children’s self-concept and attitudes toward
themselves and others
Children Know That
• Color, language, gender, physical ability
differences are connected with privilege and
power
• There are spoken and unspoken messages
about those differences
• Racism, sexism, handicappism influence their
development and that of others
Age Appropriate Behavior
• By age two, children learn gender labels
(boy, girl) and color names
• By age three, children notice gender and racial
differences and are influenced by societal
norms and biases; may exhibit “pre-prejudice”
behavior
Age Appropriate Behavior
• By age four, children use racial reasons to
refuse interaction with other children
• They exhibit discomfort and rejection of
differently abled people
• They have already internalized stereotypical
gender roles, racial bias, and fear of differently
abled people
What Are You Teaching?
• Do you teach children to conform to societal
norms and biases, even unintentionally?
• Are pictures displayed of differently abled
people
• Do you “over-help” or “over-praise” girls and
children with disabilities?
Research Indicates That . . .
• Differently abled children and girls in general
are trained for dependence and passivity
• Teachers praise young girls for appearance,
cooperation, and obedience
• Teachers praise young boys mainly for
achievement
Politeness is Not Enough!
Children need help understanding why they feel
uncomfortable and what are appropriate ways
to handle their perceptions, feelings, and
responses.
To Overcome Discrimination
• Help children inappropriate responses to respectful,
comfortable interaction
• Expand concepts of fairness and feelings of empathy
for each other
• Foster children’s critical thinking about stereotypes
• Enable children to gain tools and self-confidence to
stand up for themselves and others
Does Your C & I Enable Students To
• Construct a knowledgeable, confident selfidentity?
• Develop comfortable, empathetic, and just
interaction with diversity?
• Develop critical thinking?
• Develop skills for standing up for oneself and
others in the face of injustice?
Does Your C & I Enable
Students To Develop
• Strong self-identities?
• Pride?
• Knowledgeable group identity?
• Skills to understand racism and prevailing
bias?
Goals
• Enable children to develop the ability to
interact knowledgeably, comfortably, and
fairly with all people
• Teach children with disabilities how to handle
and challenge name calling, stereotypical
attitudes, and physical barriers
• Teach nondisabled children how to challenge
stereotyping, name calling, etc.
To Overcome Discrimination
• Redirect inappropriate responses toward
respectful, comfortable interactions
• Expand concepts of fairness and feelings of
empathy for each other
• Foster students’ critical thinking about
stereotypes
• Enable students to gain tools and selfconfidence to stand up for themselves and
others
To Overcome Discrimination
• Foster children’s knowledge and pride in their
cultural identity
• Foster curiosity, enjoyment, and empathetic
awareness of cultural differences/similarities
• Teach children to overcome inappropriate
responses triggered by cultural differences
Parents as Partners
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Establish genuine parent/teacher dialogue
Provide information that facilitates parent awareness
Create safe settings for parent discussions
Facilitate development of children through joint
parent/teacher problem solving and support
• Involve parents in curriculum development,
implementation, evaluation
Abraham Maslow’s
Hierarchy of Needs
• Physiological – Food, clothing, shelter
• Security & Safety – Need for a safe
environment
• Social – Need to be loved, accepted,
and belong
• Ego & Esteem – Need to be heard,
appreciated, wanted
• Self-actualizing – Need to achieve your full
potential
Remember …
• Disputes involving resources are the easiest
to resolve
• Value conflicts are the most difficult
• The more abstract, less tangible the conflict,
the more difficult to resolve
Situations
• A student says, “My dad says all Muslims are
bad people.”
• A parent tells you she doesn’t want her child
sitting next to the child of homosexual
parents.
• A female athlete is taunted by classmates
because of her size and/or appearance.
• A disabled student is routinely excluded by
peers from classroom group work.
Games People Play
• Dr. Eric Berne, 1969
• Everyone has multiple personalities
– Child
– Parent
– Adult
Tips for Resolving Conflict
• Connect with others through what they
most value
• Don’t try to deduce other people’s
intentions as being like your own
• Because we respond more strongly to the
negative actions of people for whom we
have strong feelings than to those of
strangers, allow yourself more time to get
back in balance in those cases.
Assessing and Resolving Conflicts:
A Sequential Process
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Stage 1 – Define the problem
Stage 2 – Clarify the needs
Stage 3 – Generate possible options
Stage 4 – Evaluate proposed options
Stage 5 – Develop an action plan
Stage 6 – Develop a contingency plan
Be Proactive
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Step One: Tell yourself the truth
Step Two: Reach out to the other side
Step Three: Listen attentively to the other side
Step Four: Prove you are fair
General Strategies for
Managing Conflict
• COLLABORATING Mode – (cooperative,
assertive) attempts to address fully the needs
of both parties and is often called the
problem-solving approach
• NEGOTIATION Strategies – more equitable for
everyone; there are no losers
General Strategies for
Managing Conflict
• AVOIDING Approach – (uncooperative,
unassertive) neglects the interests of both
parties by postponing or sidestepping the
problem
• COMPROMISING Model – (intermediate on
assertiveness and cooperativeness) tries to
obtain some satisfaction for both parties
General Strategies for
Managing Conflict
• FORCING Alternative – (assertive,
uncooperative) attempts to satisfy one’s needs
at the expense of another person’s
• ACCOMMODATING Approach – (cooperative,
unassertive) satisfies the other party’s
concerns while neglecting one’s own
Win-Win Problem Solving
• Establish communication – must speak to one
another
• Own the problem – must be able to describe
your needs
• Define terms and values – eliminate all verbal
confusion
• Find common ground – often more likenesses
than differences
Win-Win Problem Solving
• Negotiate – everyone should be a winner
– Identify and define the conflict
– Generate a number of possible solutions
– Evaluate the alternative solutions
– Decide on the best solution
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Win-Win
• People who choose to win and make
sure others also win. Take time to
search for solutions that will make them
happy and simultaneously satisfy
others.
• Listens more, stays in communication
longer, communicates with more
courage
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
What Win-Win Is:
• A courageous effort
• The best way to get to interdependent
relationships
• A philosophy of human interaction supported
by an Abundance Mentality
• A character-based code for interactions
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
What Win-Win Is NOT:
• Always being "nice"
• Always achievable
• A manipulative technique
• A personality-based thought pattern
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Win - Lose
• Mindset of themselves first and last.
• Want to win and others to lose.
• Achieve success at the expense/exclusion of
others.
• Uses position, power, credentials, possessions,
or personality to get the "win."
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Win-Win or No Deal
• Highest form of Win-Win
• If cannot find an acceptable solution, they
agree to disagree agreeably
• Allows each party to say "no"
• Highest form of "win"
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Win
• Think only of getting what they want
• Don't necessarily want others to lose, but are
personally set on winning
• Think independently in interdependent
situations, without sensitivity or
awareness of others
• Self-centered
• "Me first"
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Lose - Win
• Choose to lose and let others win
• Lack the courage to express and act on their
feelings and beliefs
• Easily intimidated
• Borrow strength from acceptance
and popularity
• Voices no standards, no demands,
no expectations
• Is quick to please or appease
• Buries a lots of feelings
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
Lose - Lose
• Low on courage and consideration
• Envy and criticize others
• Put themselves and others down
• Highly-dependent
• Same as "no win" because nobody benefits
What Helps? LEAPS!
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Listen
Empathize
Ask Questions
Paraphrase
Summarize
“If we always do what we’ve
always done,
We’ll always get what we’ve
always got.
And if nothing changes . . .
Nothing changes.”
Alcoholics Anonymous