Understanding Intercultural
Communication Second Edition
Chapter 10
What are the Challenges in Developing an
Intercultural-Intimate Relationship?
Stella Ting-Toomey & Leeva C. Chung
OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS
PowerPoint Slides Designed by Alex Flecky and Noorie Baig
TODAY’S MENU
I.
Developing Intercultural-Intimate
Relationships: Invisible Challenges
II.
Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict:
Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children
V.
Intercultural Reality Check: Do-Ables
I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate
Relationships: Invisible Challenges
A. Cultural-Ethnic Membership Values
Individualistic Orientation Collectivistic Orientation
I-identity relationship
expectations
Couple’s privacy, autonomy
Voluntary, personal
commitment
We-identity, ingroup
relationship pressures
Ingroup’s (we) connection,
concerns
Structural commitment,
family and social reactions
Low-context emotional
expressions
High-context emotional
expressions
“Fall in love,” passionate love
Value companionate
(friendship, loyalty) love
Media Activity:YouTube Videos

The Meaning of Love 7 Billion Others

Church Bans Interracial Couple
I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate
Relationships: Invisible Challenges
Discussion Questions:
Intercultural-intimate relationships:
Have you experienced a relationship of this type?
 What were some positive things that you gained
from it? What were some negative things that
occurred?
 What was most surprising to you about the
different love expectations?
 Have you experienced the “me–we” dialectical
forces in any of your relationships? What
happened and how did you feel?

II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
A. Perceived Physical Attractiveness
Physical attractiveness critical to initial
attraction; cultural differences regarding what is
attractive.
• For example, U.S. individuals attracted to: high energy,
enthusiasm.; Korean individuals attracted to: high
integrity, concern for others.
B. Perceived Similarity
• Similarity–attraction hypothesis: cognitive consistency
• Intergroup–interpersonal attraction: attitudinal issues
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure Comparisons
•
Self-disclosure: intentional process of revealing
exclusive information about ourselves to
others that other individuals do not know.
•
Social penetration theory: interpersonal
information progresses from superficial
nonintimate to more deep-layered intimate
self-disclosure.
• Shrek explains the onion metaphor of social
penetration theory.
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure
Comparisons: Discussion
Check out similarities and differences….
• Where did you learn your self-disclosure tendency?
• Do you come from a high-disclosive family or a lowdisclosive family?
• What topics do you consider as quite “Public”?
• What topics do you consider as quite “Private”?
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure Comparisons:
Johari Window:
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
Media Activity: Fools Rush In film clip
Discussion:
• Can you relate to this clip?
• How do the cultural value dimensions impact the
development of your particular intimate
relationship?
• How did Alex and Isabel handle the dialectical
tensions of autonomy and connectedness?
• How did they differ in terms of disclosing to their
parents about Isabel’s pregnancy?
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
D. Online Disclosure of Affection
Do you stay in touch with your Facebook friends by
“liking” their posts, photos, or statuses?
E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and
Mobile Dating
Five phases of online dating:
1. Attention
2. Recognition
3. Interaction
4. Face-to-face meeting
5. Resolution
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online
and Mobile Dating
• Have you tried match.com or eharmony.com?
How about pof.com (plenty of fish.com )?
Take a look at this Indian matrimonial site:
• Did you notice that his parents created this posting?
How would you react if your parents did something
like this out of concern for you?
• What do you think of his complexion, caste, parents
info, diet, and annual income?!
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
F. Intercultural/Interracial Romantic
Relationship Development
Interracial couples’ four stages of “racial”
awareness and awakening:
•
•
•
•
Racial awareness
Coping
Identity emergence
Relationship maintenance
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship
Attraction: Facilitating Factors
Some Intercultural-Intimate
Relationship Research
• Generation is predictor of interethnic relationships.
• Individuals with assimilated, bicultural, or marginal
identities have greater tendency to date outgroup
members.
• The “Romeo and Juliet” effect: The more
the families are against relationship, the
more the couple wants to rebel against
parents, thus finding each other more
attractive.
III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict:
Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
A. The Encounter: Prejudice and
Racism
Intercultural-intimate conflict:
Antagonistic friction or disagreement
between two romantic partners
caused, in part, by cultural or ethnic
group membership differences.
Have you observed prejudice or racism
toward interracial couples? What
occurred?
III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict:
Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
B.
Countering Racism and Prejudice:
Coping Strategies:
1. Ignoring or dismissing
2. Normalizing
3. Withdrawing
4. Educating
5. Confrontation
6. Prayer
7. Humor
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children
A.
Bicultural Identity Struggles:
Four identity forms of bicultural
children:
1. Majority-group identifiers
2. Minority-group identifiers
3. Synthesizers
4. Dissaffiliates
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children:
Some suggestions:
Work out identity plan early – communicate with your
partner (e.g., religious faith, language, customs).
• Listen to your children’s identity experiences.
• Provide cultural enrichment opportunities.
• Be truthful about prejudice & racism issues.
• Nurture & support different identity facets.
• Provide safety net & maturation challenges. Realize that
children will grow up & choose their own identity path….
• Together: DRAW an ideal dream house….
•
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children
B. Cultivating a Secure Multifaceted
Identity
To help bicultural individuals:
• Know values and beliefs of each group.
• Positive attitude toward both groups.
• Confidence that one can live effectively within both
groups without compromising one’s individual
identity.
• Be grounded.
V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-Ables
In managing diverse intimate relationship
issues, here are some helpful do-ables:
• Pay attention to culture-based challenges.
• Be mindful that individualists and collectivists
may hold different expectations.
• Be sensitive to your partner’s family reaction
issues.
• Be flexible in learning your partner’s
communication styles.
Parting Thoughts…
Living on borders and in margins,
keeping intact one’s shifting and multiple identity
and integrity,
is like trying to swim
in a new element, an “alien” element.
~ Gloria Anzaldua