Tend and nurture a child’s emotions and they will
grow to reach for the sky.
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
1
My Passion for Parenting……..
In our homes and hearts is where the greatest
change can happen to influence what children
learn about how to treat others, and how they
deserve to be treated.
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
2
WHAT LED TO TUNING IN
My childhood
My parenting experience
Caring for traumatised children in my own home
Being a domestic violence & abuse parenting worker
Awareness of inter-generational cycle of trauma & abuse
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
3
Early Brain
trauma
Lack of
emotional
development/
empathy
Effects on
Development/
Behaviour
Parenting using
Tuning In
Parenting
using
conditional
model
Reactive brain
Reduced
ability to form
relationships
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
4
Parenting: Then & Now
Then
Now
• Children should be seen
& not heard
• Spare the rod and spoil
the child
• Children must do as
they are told
• Parents should smack
• To much affection spoils
a child
• Children’s voices are
important
• Children do not benefit
from harsh parenting
• Children are
emotionally harmed by
smacking
• Children benefit from
affection & attention
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
5
Development: Then & Now
Then
Now
• Tabula rasa – children are
born as a blank canvas
• Babies/young children are
not adversely affected by
their environment
• It’s all about the genes
• Children are just children
• Pre-birth experience is very
formative
• Children’s development is
directly affected by their
environment
• Epigenetics
• Children are ‘research &
development’ experts
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
6
Children & Trauma: Then & Now
Then
Now
• It goes over children’s
heads
• Children just ‘get over
it’
• They were upstairs/in
another room
• Children are always
impacted by exposure to
repetitive trauma
• Children do not & can not
‘just get over it’
• Hearing & being around
violence and other trauma
has a direct effect on brain
development
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
7
The Brain
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
8
THE TRIUNE BRAIN
Part 1 – The Reptilian Brain
Part 2 – The Limbic
System/Mammalian Brain
Part 3 – The Neo-cortex
“Maclean’s (1990) concept of the triune brain is a useful
starting point……. He distinguished the reptilian brain, the
limbic system, and the neocortex” in Music, G (2011)
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
9
Organisation &
construction is
“usedependent”
Develops from
the inside out
& bottom
upwards
(Perry, 2006)
Is most open to
being moulded
in the baby &
infant stages
BRAIN
100 billion
neurons
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
10
Trauma & Attachment
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
11
Why attachment matters so much
Depending on a child’s experience with their main
carer/s they may learn that others are unavailable,
unpredictable, unresponsive and that essentially they
are unlovable.
This can become their template for relationships &
belief system about themselves.
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
12
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
13
Bruce D. Perry tells us:
“It is a rare and strong person that
can carry their trauma without
having it spill into the next
generation.”
WWW.ChildTrauma.org
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
14
Trauma is…….
A more overwhelming event than a person would
ordinarily be expected to encounter
Source: American Academy of Child and Adolescent
Psychiatry, <www.aacap.org>
Repeated exposure to stress and trauma leaves it
mark to a lesser or greater degree.
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
15
Types of Trauma
•
•
•
•
•
Complex trauma
Family violence
Medical trauma
Natural disasters
Community and
school violence
•
•
•
•
•
Neglect
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
Traumatic grief
Refugee and war
zone trauma
Source: Adapted from The National Child Traumatic Stress
Network, www.nctsn.org
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
16
Toxic Trio
Substance
misuse
Domestic
abuse
Mental
illness
Childhood
trauma
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
17
Tuning In Beyond Trauma
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
18
Traditional Parenting may ‘work’ for
children in loving homes
Children who are punished/’consequenced’ or incentivised
into behaving well will generally respond and comply
If they otherwise have a strong emotional connection with
caring adults then they may not be too adversely affected
They may function and cope with this use of external
stimuli to ensure conforming behaviours
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
19
BEHAVIOUR!!
GOOD??????
SPITTING
DROPING A TOY DOWN THE
STAIRS
HIDING FOOD/MONEY UNDER
THE BED
HITTING
SHOUTING
SHOVELLING FOOD IN
BAD??????
SPITTING
DROPING A TOY DOWN THE
STAIRS
HIDING FOOD/MONEY UNDER
THE BED
HITTING
SHOUTING
SHOVELLING FOOD IN
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
20
Tuning In is
trauma & attachment informed
parenting
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
21
Need to understand a child or parent’s
trauma story
• Initial work needs to be about taking time to
understand the ‘trauma journey’
• Genuine listening and curiosity with out prying
• At their pace
• Do your homework!
• Try not to assume, even if you have had a similar
experience, that you ‘know’
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
22
You don’t know but you need too
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
23
Explore it and pass it on!
Begin or carry on with your journey to
understand the effects of trauma on:
• Brain development
• Attachment relationships
• Behaviour
• Emotional connections
• Emotional intelligence
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
24
What it is about – calmness, kindness, teaching,
nurturing, acceptance, and working with the child –
keeps them in thinking brain & builds connection to
care giver
Learning with out fear – put a child in the ‘frozen
fear’ zone & they are using their primitive brain not
their thinking brain!!
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
25
Time outs Rewards/ incentives
Punishments
Consequences
Praise
Shame
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
26
Respect
Apologise
Positive Spin
Listen
Be Real
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
27
From today I will……
Share with your partner the ONE thing you will
keep/do differently in your parenting work
after today????
Record on 3 post it’s one for you, one for them
and one to stick on the wall
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
28
Great folks!!
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Bruce Perry
Louise Bomber
Daniel Siegel
Kate Cairns
Dan Hughes
Graham Music
Alfie Kohn
All of you!!!!!
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
29
The Good News!
“Neuroscientists now tell us that in the presence of a ‘good
enough’ other – for example, a foster carer, and adoptive
parent, a therapist, a mentor, a teaching assistant – that a
new and more sophisticated neural pathways can be formed
in the child’s developing brain, and new patterns of relating
and behaving can emerge.”
(P.58 Bomber, L. (2007) London: Worthing Publishing Ltd.)
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
30
Story book for children post domestic
violence
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
31
Jane
is a Trauma Parenting Specialist and has
created:
Tuning In Beyond Trauma Training for carers,
adoptive parents & professionals
Tuning In Parenting Course to meet specific needs
of parents, carers or children with complex
trauma and attachment needs
Jane is also author of How are you feeling today
Baby Bear? published by Jessica Kingsley, which
begins to look at feelings around living with
domestic
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
32
Tend and nurture a child’s emotions and they will grow to reach for
the sky.
janeevans61@hotmail.co.uk
Twitter: @janeparenting
www.parentingposttrauma.co.uk
© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour
Skills Consultancy
33