Expanding a Moment
Smiley Face Tricks
Definition
• Instead of “speeding” past a moment, writers
often emphasize it by “expanding” the
actions. This helps to add suspense.
Example
• BeforeFour dazed chickens listened to a long, low
growl. “I’m afraid of growls,” said one
chicken.
“Ohh,” said the others.
“Me too. Me three. Me four.” Something
crawled from the back of the cave. It was big.
It was hairy. It looked at the chickens and
licked its lips…
STOP and GO SLOW
• In the writing sample, is there a place that
could use more detail?
• Once the place is located, use a colored pencil
to add the expanded detail.
• Let’s see what happened to the sample…
After the “Expanded Moment”
Four dazed chickens listened to a long, low growl.
“I’m afraid of growls,” said one chicken.
“Ohh,” said the others.
“Me too. Me three. Me four.
What if it’s a big animal? What if it’s a big, hairy
animal? What if it’s a big-hairy,-chickenchomping- animal? Something crawled from the
back of the cave. It was big. It was hairy. It looked
at the chickens and licked its lips…
Your Turn
Read your story. Find a place that could use more
detail. Using a colored pencil and add the
expanded details to your story!
REMEMBER: When you write your expanded
moment to include the sentence before and after
your expanded moment as your “before” and
then include your expanded moment in-between
in a different color.
Good luck!
BEFORE (2 sentences)
• BEFORE:
It’s those cats again, I thought. Listening to the
comforting music from my neighbors, I was
reminded that there was no reason to be scared.
AFTER (expanded in color)
• It’s those cats again, I thought.…Ever since I
had gotten both the cats, my life had been
filled with WWF Wrestling Mania. Chase and
Chewbacca loved to run, play, and bite.
Plants, frames, and candles had all been
knocked over. Nothing was safe!... Listening
to the comforting music from my neighbors, I
was reminded that there was no reason to be
scared.