Listening
to
Learn
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening
carefully. Most people never listen.”
Ernest Hemingway
The most important leadership skill is Communication.
The most important communication skill is Listening.
•Have you ever been in a situation where people weren’t listening?
•Or you thought they were, but they misunderstood?
•Or perhaps you misunderstood?
•Or perhaps you understood what they said, but you didn’t fully
appreciate the importance to them?
Do you know how to listen effectively? Do you think you could improve
your skills?
Effective listening is key to many of the other leadership skills, so it is
the first one taught in Wood Badge.
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most
people never listen.”
Ernest Hemingway
Let’s talk about a recent trip or vacation!
Divide the group into pairs. Appoint a speaker and a listener in each
pair.
Give each of the listeners one instruction card. The listener will keep
the cards message hidden from the speaker.
Instruct the speakers to talk for a minute or two to their listener about a
recent trip or vacation.
Pair Listener
1 “Interrupt the Speaker”
2 “Give advice before he or she is done”
3 “Give the speaker a blank look”
4 “Be bored”
Speakers - How did the
reaction of your listener
affect you?
Speakers - How did the listeners affect
how you spoke?
Listeners - How did your
speaker respond to
listening behavior?
•Listeners - How did the speakers affect the way you listened?
Being a good listener is equally as important as being a good speaker.
Listening is an important part of communication.
Yet we take it for granted. Talking is natural. Listening is unnatural, and
requires skill and effort. We don’t teach listening skills in our schools.
Has anyone ever taken a course on Listening?
Today we’re going to use listening as a tool for learning &
leadership.
Why is Listening a Key Skill
of Leadership?
Listening is a primary means for
connecting with other people.
#1 Listening connects us with other people allowing us to share ideas &
experiences and creates a pool of familiarity among us. From that grows
trust, understanding, and an awareness of strengths and skills - the building
blocks of friendship and teamwork.
Listening can be especially powerful when young people are involved.
Many people of Scouting age find it unusual to have adults truly pay
attention to them. Having people listen to them with care and
understanding can be very meaningful for young people and also for the
adults.
Why is Listening a Key Skill
of Leadership?
Listening provides the means to make
decisions and solve problems.
#2 Listening is the glue that holds a
team together. It is the doorway through
which ideas pass. It is the window in
which solutions appear.
(Steve Covey sums up the essence
of listening as…)
“Seek first to understand,
and then
to be understood.”
Steven Covey,
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
“Seek first to understand, then to be
understood”
There are two parts of
Effective Listening.
Active
and
Empathetic
How might you define Active Listening?
Reflects what a person is saying
to
confirm comprehension
reflects what a person is saying to confirm comprehension.
“What I understand you to be saying is this……” By
rephrasing the information and bouncing it back to the
speaker, the listener confirms that the message has been
correctly received. Listeners doing this are not making value
judgements. They are simply making sure they are hearing
what the speakers have to say, and they are letting the speakers
know that their messages are getting through.
How might you define Empathetic Listening?
…...is a sincere attempt on the part of the
listener to understand in depth what a
speaker is saying.
Empathetic Listening
requires Listeners to…
next slide
Empathetic Listening requires
listeners to….
Put themselves in the
speakers place.
Empathetic Listening requires listeners
to….
Put themselves in the speakers place.
Empathetic Listening requires
listeners to...
• Put themselves in the speakers
place.
• Imagine things from the speaker’s
point of view.
Empathetic Listening requires
listeners to...
Put themselves in the speakers place.
Imagine things from the speaker’s point
of view.
Empathetic Listening requires
listeners to...
• Put themselves in the speakers
place.
• Imagine things from the speaker’s
point of view.
• Try to understand how the speaker
feels.
Read slide
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to...
Put themselves in the speakers place.
Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view.
Try to understand how the speaker feels.
Empathetic listeners pay attention to more than just the words they hear.
They also take care to notice a speaker’s body language, tone of voice,
and emotional sense and consider them as part of the message package
speaker is sending.
Effective listening is both…
next slide
Is
“Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do
more listening than talking.”
Bernard Baruch
Effective listening is ACTIVE AND
EMPATHETIC
(“Most of the successful people I've
known are the ones who do more
listening than talking.”
Bernard Baruch”)
Practice Effective Listening
Exercise Effective Listening
Become
at
1. Go back to “Speaker”/”Listener” pairs. Have them
switch roles.
2. For several minutes, the speakers will talk about
something they enjoy such as a hobby, a sport, or a family
activity.
3. The listeners will try out different listening styles.
4. Listeners and speakers trade roles and repeat the exercise.
Let’s talk about some things that effect our listening.
How do we respond when we are hearing something we don’t want to
hear? When a speaker is angry? When we are tired or hungry?
A key to effective listening is being aware of our current situation,
energy level, and interest. If we are upset about something, it may affect
how we listen. Being drowsy will definitely affect our attention span.
Are you chilly, too hot, late for another appointment/
Being aware of our own state of hearing awareness can help us adjust
to better grasp the message of a speaker. It may be a matter of focusing
more on what is being said. Often, though, it may require calling a timeout so that you can put on a sweater, have a bite to eat, take care of
distracting matters, or let your emotions cool. Then you can get back
together with the speaker under conditions that are more conducive to
good listening.
Of course, we cannot tailor every listening situation to be ideal. We
often find ourselves in situations with others that make communication
difficult. However, good listening skills are powerful tools for calming
adversarial situations and finding solutions to problems.
Let’s see how this works.
Can you hear me, can you hear me now ?
Role Play - Listening in Adversarial Situations
Ask a volunteer to play the role of a Scout who is angry about the way
others in his unit are treating him.
The Troop Guide plays the part of a Scout leader.
1. As the “Scout” expresses his complaints and frustrations, the “Scout
leader” uses the skills of good listening to acknowledge that the message is
being received.
“I got it,” is an appropriate response. So is, “This is what I hear you
saying…….”
Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but offer no judgement or feedback.
It is very likely that the Scout will focus on the negative, complaining
about what he or she doesn’t like. That’s fine, it is often the way people
who are upset express themselves.
2. The Scout leader says, “I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me
what you do want.”
Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but focus now on positive aspects
of the situation rather than negative ones.
HOW DID WE DO?
Discussion of “Adversarial Situations”
Have participants discuss what they observed in the “Listening in Adversarial
Situations” role play. In addition to their comments, include in the discussion
the following ideas.
•Speakers respond to how others listen to them. Acknowledge but don’t
immediately judge their complaints (“I got it…”). If there is not enabling by
a listener, complaints will seem smaller and ultimately more manageable. I
got it! -- IPO presentation...
•By taking a negative and flipping it around to a positive, a listener can also
structure a more productive framework for finding solutions. (“I hear what
you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.”)
•A conversation cast in a positive light naturally involves more empathy and
support. Body language of listeners and speakers becomes more open, and
chances for resolution are greatly enhanced.
•One thing you can do is…next slide
Listeners should always strive to create..
a POSITIVE present
As opposed to a NEGATIVE past
Listeners should always strive to create
a positive present
as opposed to a negative past
Let’s talk about feedback. Next slide
Receiving feedback can sometimes be difficult. However, by
using effective listening skills, a feedback situation may be turned
into a positive experience.
•Have you ever had someone give you advice about something?
How did it feel to be receiving feedback?
•Have you ever been in a position to tell people how they can do
something better or how they might make a positive change in
their behavior? How did it feel to be offering feedback?
From time to time, all of us find ourselves giving and
receiving feedback. It is a basic part of team development, of
leadership, and of friendships.
For feedback to be helpful, both parties we must use the skills
of effective listening.
Listening is the
key element in
giving
and
receiving
feedback
(read the slide)
Listening is the key element in
giving and
receiving
feedback
Now we are going to look at
Tips on Giving Feedback (flip slide)
Tips on Giving Feedback
“Helping someone is what life
is all about.”
Willie Stargell
Be Helpful
Tips on Giving Feedback
1. Consider your motives. Feedback
should always be helpful; otherwise,
there is no reason to offer it.
(“Helping someone is what life is all
about.”
Willie Stargell)
Tips on Giving Feedback
Is recipient open to
feedback?
How would you know ASK!!
Tips on Giving Feedback
2. Find out if the other people involved are
open to receiving feedback. Listen
carefully, then rephrase what they say to be
sure you understand them.
Tips on Giving Feedback
Deal only with changeable
behavior.
“Change brings opportunity.”
Nido Qubein
Tips on Giving Feedback
3.Deal only with behavior
that can be changed
(Change brings opportunity.”
Nido Qubein )
Tips on Giving Feedback
Deal with specifics,
not generalities.
Tips on Giving Feedback
4. Deal with specifics, not generalities
Tips on Giving Feedback
Describe behavior,
Do Not judge it.
When this was said In this manner.
Tips on Giving Feedback
5. Describe the behavior; do not evaluate
it
(When this was said In this manner)
Tips on Giving Feedback
Describe the impact on you
Focus on the positive
more then the negative.
Tips on Giving Feedback
6. Let the other person know the impact the
behavior has on you
Focus on the positive
more then the negative
Tips on Giving Feedback
Accept your responsibility
“Action springs not from thought, but from a
readiness for responsibility.”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Tips on Giving Feedback
7. Use an “I” statement to accept responsibility for your own
perceptions and emotions
Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for
responsibility.
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Tips on Giving Feedback
Check understanding
Tips on Giving Feedback
8. To make sure the recipients of feedback
have understood your message in the way
you intended it, ask them to rephrase what
they heard you say.
You can give caring feedback
without a good technique,
but the slickest technique
in the world will not hide
a lack of caring.
(read slide)
You can give caring feedback
without a good technique,
but the slickest technique
in the world will not hide
a lack of caring.
Now to give the other side equal time, let’s look at
Tips on Receiving Feedback (flip slide)
Review on Giving Feedback
Be Helpful
Is recipient open to feedback—Ask
Deal only with Changeable behavior
Deal with Specifics, not generalities
Describe Behavior—Do not judge it
Describe the Impact on you
Accept your Responsibility
Check Understanding
Giving Feedback review
Be helpful
Is recipient open to feedback-Ask
Deal only with changeable behavior
Deal with specifics, not generalities
Describe behavior-do not judge it
Describe the impact on you
Accept your responsibility
Check understanding
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Seek Feedback
I would like your opinion,
what did you think
?
Tips of Receiving Feedback
1. Seek out feedback. It will nearly always
provide you with information that will in
some way help you improve your
performance.
Example- I would like your opinion, what
did you think?
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Listen Carefully
“Courage is what it takes to stand
up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to
sit down and listen.”
Winston Churchill
Tips of Receiving Feedback
2. Listen carefully. Receiving feedback
requires a heightened awareness of yourself
and the person offering the feedback.
•Winston Churchill said “Courage is what it
takes to stand up and speak; courage is also
what it takes to sit down and listen.”
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Listen actively
“It takes a great man to
be a good listener.”
Calvin Coolidge
Tips of Receiving Feedback
3. Listen actively. Restate the feedback in
your own words so that the speaker
knows that the message you are
receiving is the same as the one the
speaker intended to send.
4.Calvin Coolidge said “it takes a great
man to be a good listener”
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Listen empathetically
Yea, I hear you. Can’t
you tell I’m listening!!
Tips of Receiving Feedback
4. Listen empathetically. Put feedback in
its proper context by observing the
speaker’s body language, tone of voice,
and emotions. Consider the speaker’s
reasons for offering feedback.
(Smiley face picture-Yea I hear you Can’t
you tell I’m listening!! )
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Notice how you are feeling
Tips of Receiving Feedback
5. Notice how you are feeling when
someone offers you feedback. Becoming
angry or defensive can cloud you ability to
listen effectively.
Review on Receiving Feedback
Seek Feedback
Listen Carefully
Listen actively
Listen empathetically
Notice how you are feeling
Remember
Seek Feedback
Listen Carefully
Listen Actively
Listen Empathetically
Notice how you are feeling
•Consider feedback a gift. It truly is.
Let’s Review
•Effective listening is a skill that each of us can learn and can
constantly improve upon.
•Listening plays a vital role in forming relationships, developing
teams, and finding solutions.
•The best listening is both active and empathetic.
•Listening can be a tool for turning a negative situation into a
positive one.
•Listening well is an important part of both receiving and giving
feedback. GIVE OUT DANGLY!