We will be
starting
at 6 pm.
See you soon!
Joanna Bettmann Schaefer, Ph.D, LCSW
Research Director
Open Sky Wilderness Therapy
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Principles for letter writing to
your child
What makes an effective letter
What makes a less effective
letter
Writing therapeutic letters
(impact letters, responses to
responsibility letter)
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Write at least one letter weekly (preferably two) – this refers to all
involved parents
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Be honest when you can
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Share what you are feeling
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Use “I feel” statements in every letter
• I feel (feeling)
• When (event)
• I imagine I feel this way because (reason)
• In the future, (request/hope/wish)
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Focus on the present
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Respond to the issues they raise – don’t just ignore them
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Be honest, direct, and tactful
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Be genuine and sincere
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Be descriptive yet succinct
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Speak from your heart. Let your child see your
humanity
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Focus on clarity
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Apologize when appropriate
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Acknowledge what they have written – explain why
you can’t answer some questions or provide some
information
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Don’t moralize, preach, or lecture
Don’t use derogatory words or name
calling
Don’t shame or blame
Don’t psychoanalyze or offer theories of why your child does what
he/she does
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Don’t make promises you can’t keep
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Don’t say things you feel guilt-tripped into saying
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Don’t promise gifts or privileges in exchange for their work at Open Sky
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Don’t focus on the future – help your child to
stay in the present
Don’t address graduation date – this should be
determined by you and your Open Sky treatment
team
Don’t address aftercare until directed to by Open
Sky therapist
Don’t just be chatty – talk about substantive
issues (connect to what they wrote about in their
letters)
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At least weekly – preferably 2 times a week
Whenever you are missing your child or
wanting to feel close to your child
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Encourage letters from siblings, but not from
peers
Remember: the goal is to help your loved one
focus on treatment – too many letters from
too many people can get distracting
Letters from peers are often not helpful – talk
with your Open Sky therapist about this
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The impact letter is a therapeutic tool used to
describe the reasons why you believe it is
important for your child to be at Open Sky.
Impact letters are meant to help your loved one
gain perspective on his/her life and how he/she
has impacted others. Receiving impact letter(s) is
a pivotal event in your loved one’s growth
process at Open Sky.
Each involved parent writes one and siblings may
as well (ask your Open Sky therapist about this)
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Start writing it immediately – it’s best
for your loved one to receive it 2
weeks into their Open Sky treatment.
You may need to work through
several drafts first with your Open
Sky therapist and this takes time.
Send it no later than 1 week after
your loved one’s enrollment at Open
Sky.
Do not send impact letters to student
mail. Email the impact letter to the
attention of your Open Sky therapist.
1.
Describe why you believe it was necessary for your child
to come to Open Sky and how the issues impacted you
(1.5-2 pages)
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2.
Your regrets and commitments (2 paragraphs)
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Describe your perspective on why your child is at Open Sky
Describe how these incidents/behaviors impacted you on an emotional
level
Include validating statements
Incidents/behaviors that you regret (1 paragraph)
Changes you are committed to (1 paragraph)
Positives and hopes (3 paragraphs)
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Strengths/positives you see in your child (2 paragraphs)
Times you felt close to your child (1 paragraph)
Hopes for your child (a few sentences)
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Reflect what your loved one has written
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Do not explain or justify your actions
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Take some time to respond – don’t respond quickly out of anger
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Understand that it may be difficult for your loved one to write this
letter to you
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Practice reflective listening skills in your letter back:
Acknowledge what you heard
Take some time to respond – don’t respond quickly out of anger
Try not to respond with judgment and outrage – this may not be
productive for treatment. Instead process these feelings first
with your home therapist and then write your loved one
If you need more than a few days to compose a response to your
loved one, then write a briefer letter first – saying that you
received the letter and are processing it
Recognize that your loved ones are often writing about things
they themselves judge and are nervous to share – respond
appropriately
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Write often and whenever you are feeling like
communicating with your loved one in
wilderness. Know that it is hard for students
when they don’t get letters in the field!
Be honest and open
Address what they wrote about in their letters
(don’t just be chatty)
Talk about your feelings
Share about the things you are doing in the
Family Pathway – modeling is important
Ask your Open Sky therapist and home
therapist for guidance on letters when needed
Joanna Bettmann Schaefer, Ph.D, LCSW
joanna@openskywilderness.com
Office: (801) 587-7600