HOW DO YOU OPERATE IN CONFLICT?
DFW NIGP Professional Development Day
October 10, 2013
Presented By:
Nicole C. Mucha, MA, CPSM
Training Objectives
Understand how YOU Operate in Conflict
1.Conflict Myths, Misconceptions and Truth
2.Identify 5 Styles of Managing Conflict
• Uncover Your Style
• Recognize Others
• Tailor Your Approach to Any Conflict Situation
3.Dealing with Difficult People
4.Use the CALM Method
“Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can
be a source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation, and
growth–or rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance. The choice is not
up to our opponents, but to us, and our willingness to face and work through
them.”
– Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith
Conflict Myths, Misconceptions and Truth
Myths & Misconceptions
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It is always bad
Someone is always wrong, and you’re always right
Conflict will resolve itself over time
People always know when they are part of a conflict
It only affects the 2 parties involved
It happens because of a stubborn or uncaring attitude
• Conflict can be a good thing!
• Can produce creative results/solutions
• Conflict is rarely easy
2 Basic Needs of all Human Beings
 To be self expressed
 To be heard
Conflict
Are you a… ?
Shark
Owl
Fox
Turtle
Teddy Bear
5 Styles of Managing Conflict
Collaborating
Win-Lose
Win-Win-Win
Goals
Competing
Compromising
Win-Win
Accommodating
Avoiding
Lose-Win
Lose-Lose
Relationship
5 Styles of Managing Conflict
Competing Style (the Shark)
A competitive style means that a person is putting
his/her interests before anyone else’s interests.
Competing
Goals
Win-Lose
Best Times to Use This Style:
• When the other will be very competitive.
• When important others expect you to compete.
• When the stakes are high.
Relationship
5 Styles of Managing Conflict
Collaborating Style (the Owl)
Goals
A collaborative conflict style enables people to work
together so everyone can win. Using this style,
people try to find a solution that will help everyone
meet their interests and help everyone maintain a
good relationship.
Best Times to Use This Style:
• When the issue is complex and requires creativity.
• When there is a long-term relationship.
• When their implementation of the decision is necessary.
Relationship
Collaborating
Win-Win-Win
5 Styles of Managing Conflict
Accommodating Style (the Teddy Bear)
Goals
The accommodating style requires someone to put
their interests last and let others have what they
want. Many times people believe that keeping a good
relationship is more important than anything else.
Best Times to Use This Style:
• When the issue is trivial to you.
• When harmony in the relationship is all-important.
• When you are the low power party in a serious power
imbalance.
• When you want to build trust in the other by
demonstrating a protection of their interests.
Accommodating
Lose-Win
Relationship
5 Styles of Managing Conflict
Avoiding Style (the Turtle)
The avoiding style is used when someone does not
get involved in a conflict. A person choosing the
avoiding style might say “you decide and leave me
out of it.”
Goals
Best Times to Use This Style:
• When the issue is trivial to you.
• When there is no long-term relationship.
Avoiding
Lose-Lose
Relationship
5 Styles of Managing Conflict
Compromising Style (the Fox)
A compromising style is important when
someone wants to satisfy some of their
interests, but not all of them. People who
compromise are likely to say, “let’s split the
difference” or “something is better than
nothing.”
Best Times To Use This Style:
• When the other will be very competitive.
Best
Timesimportant
to Use This
Style:
• When
others
expect you to compete.
Competing
• •When
there
trulyare
finite
resources.
When
the are
stakes
high.
Win-Lose
• When there are no means to increase the
divisible resources.
Compromising
Goals
Win-Win
Relationship
Let’s
Practice
Dealing with Difficult People
Dealing with difficult people can be.. difficult!
Dealing with Difficult People
Make sure YOU’re not the difficult person
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Do a little self-reflection, check your role in the conflict
Make sure your need to be heard & self-expression is manifesting itself in a positive way
Take a “time out” if need be
Keep it Respectful
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Don’t meet difficult behavior with difficult behavior
Avoid “you”, “always” and “never” statements
Try the CALM Model
Clarify the issue
Address the problem
Listen to the other side
Manage your way to resolution
Dealing with Difficult People - CALM
CLARIFY the Issue
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Define and understand the issue you are dealing with
Dissect the Conflict – move it from your heart to your head by answering these clarifying questions:
What am I upset about? ● What exactly am I feeling and why? ● How may I have contributed to the problem? ● Am I
overreacting? ● What will successful resolution look like? ● How would I want to be approached about the conflict?
ADDRESS the Problem
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Don’t ignore the person or the issue.
Instead, attack the problem.. not the person, use a non-accusatory opening that ask for the other person’s
cooperation (i.e. “I need your help to solve a problem I’m facing.”)
When discussing – describe in specific, factual, and non-accusatory terms
LISTEN to the Other Side
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Give your total attention
Acknowledge that you are listening (“Okay, “I see, “I understand,” etc.)
NEVER interrupt
Ask questions and seek clarification in a non-threatening way:
“I’m not sure I really understand. Could you go over that again?”
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Paraphrase / Summarize:
“Jason, let me make sure I understand. You’re saying that….Is this correct?”
Concentrate on the words and behaviors of the person you are speaking with in order to understand where
he/she is coming from and why the person feels the way they do. Once you have that knowledge, you should
be in a better position to resolve differences and work together more productively.
MANAGE your way to a Resolution
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Gain agreement that a problem exists.
Identify each other’s concerns and needs.
Explore possible win-win solutions.
Agree on a course of action.
Determine how missteps will be handled.
Closing on a positive note.
Role Play: Work Schedule Conflict
In Summary
Conflict Management
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Conflict can be a good thing and when handled appropriately can lead to healthy
interactions with creative solutions.
Dealing with difficult people is inevitable. Understanding your own style of conflict helps.
5 Styles of Conflict Management
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Each style is appropriate in certain situations.
Each style is a balance of competing interests: the Goals vs. Relationships
When dealing with difficult people, make sure the difficult person is not YOU.
Try to remain CALM when dealing with difficult people:
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Accommodating Style (the Teddy Bear)
Avoiding Style (the Turtle)
Collaborating Style (the Owl)
Competing Style (the Shark)
Compromising Style (the Fox)
Clarify the issue
Address the problem
Listen to the other side
Manage your way to resolution
In an environment of change, where it often feels as though we don’t have any control –
we have the opportunity to positively impact those around us through our everyday
interactions.
“The test of a successful person is not an ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and work out
difficulties when they do arise.”
– David J. Schwartz