Chapter 7
Emotions & Communication
What am I feeling? Is that right?
How do I constructively express feelings?
Saarni & Goleman
 Saarni-first originated emotional competence
 Goleman-capitalized on it with Emotional Intelligence,
the IQ of emotional competency
What are Emotions?
4 Components
1. Physiological-bodily changes occur
2. Nonverbal reactions-observable changesPowerful way in expressing/conveying emotions
3. Cognitive interpretations-the mind’s role in
determining emotional state
4. Verbal expression-sometimes words are necessary
& cannot rely on perceptiveness to sure you are
understood accurately
Different Degrees of Intensity
Annoyed
Angry
Furious
Content
Happy
Ecstatic
Anxious
Afraid
Terrified
Liking
Loving
Adoring
Influences on Emotions
Physiological
 ORGANISMIC-James & Lange
 Physical first, then emotions-most instinctual
Example: Almost hit garbage on freeway—swerve—heart
racing, sweaty palms, etc.--FEAR
Stimulus
Physiological
Response
Emotion
Influences on Emotions
Perceptual
 APPRAISAL THEORY
 Subjective perceptions shape external phenomena,
gaining meaning only as we attribute significance to
them
Example: Taking a test—low test score—not very smart—
(event)
(perception of event)
disappointment/shame, etc.
(response)
(interpretation)
Influences on Emotions
 COGNITIVE LABELING-how you label the physiological
response –use of language
Example: Taking a test—low test score—anxious—
(event)
(physiological-knot-in-stomach)
disappointment/shame, etc.
(response-comes from label not perception)
(label response w/
language)
Social Influences
 Hochschild-Interactive View of Emotions
Framing Rules-define emotional meaning
Feeling Rules-right to feel or expected to feel
Deep Acting-control inner feelings
Surface Acting-control outward expression
Emotion Work-effort made to think about what is
appropriate in situations-allows engaging in deep acting
Obstacles
 Social Expectations
 Gender
 Vulnerability-Risky/disky
 Protecting Others
 Social & Professional Roles
Why We are Ineffective in Expressing
our Emotions
 1. Speaking in Generalities-What does the speaker
really feel?
 General & abstract statements
 “I feel bad”, “I’m happy”, “I’m fine”, “I’m frustrated”
Angry, confused, hurt, anxious, disappointed, etc.
Tend to recognize only a few emotions leaving us with
limited emotional vocab to clearly communicate
More Ineffectiveness
 Not owning feelings
 Use too much “you” language
You made me
!
Need to reword statement to make it your own
I feel angry when you do not follow through on what you
say you will do.
I feel (emotion) when you (describe the behavior).
Ineffectiveness cont.
 Counterfeit Emotional Language-language that seems
to express emotions but does not actually describe
what a person is feeling.
 Why can’t you leave me alone!-no feeling
 That’s just how I feel!-figure it out first
 I feel this discussion is getting off onto another subject.states a thought not a feeling
Exercise-Find the Feeling
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
This was a great evening!
You’re being awfully sensitive about that.
I can’t figure out how to approach him.
I’m confused about what you want from me.
I don’t know how to tell you this…
I feel as if you’re trying to hurt me.
It’s hopeless.
I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under
me.
Re-Write to Exercise
Facilitative vs Debilitative
Contribute to effective functioning
Vs
Detract from effective functioning
Characteristics:
 intensity
 duration
Irrational Thinking
& Debilitative Emotions
Fallacy of Perfection
Fallacy of Approval
Fallacy of Shoulds
Fallacy of Overgeneralization
Fallacy of Causation
Fallacy of Helplessness
Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations
Minimizing Debilitative Emotions
Monitor emotional reactions
Note the activating event
Record your self-talk
Reappraise your irrational beliefs