Dn’t get me started on …!
Peer Marking for Controlled Assessment
Knowing how to do well
Setting personal targets What do I need to do on Tuesday?
Objectives:
• To understand the criteria for a successful writing
piece, with particular focus on style and structure.
• To write personal targets for success so that you ‘hit’
higher criteria.
Dn’t get me started on …!
AO3 Communicating clearly/using forms:
For band 5:
•Sophistication and subtlety prevail; distinct reasons for readers wanting to read
this: ‘delightful’, ‘flair’; ‘originality’
•Subject matter/ideas presented in completely measured and effectively judged
depth/detail
•Artful and self-conscious use of language, with consistent crafting for impact
•Impressive exploitation of form for purpose and audience, with impressive
sense of immersion in the chosen genre.
For band 4:
•Writing is shaped by an assured awareness of purpose and audience throughout
•Subject matter/ideas presented in an appropriately sustained way; assured
judgements made about the impact of depth/detail on readers’ engagement
•Assured and confident control and crafting of language, with words’ effects
deliberately worked for
•Confident and skilful use of form, with assured absorption of generic elements.
AO3 Communicating clearly/using forms:
For band 5:
•Sophistication and subtlety prevail; distinct reasons for readers wanting to read
this: ‘delightful’, ‘flair’; ‘originality’
•Subject matter/ideas presented in completely measured and effectively judged
depth/detail
•Artful and self-conscious use of language, with consistent crafting for impact
•Impressive exploitation of form for purpose and audience, with impressive
sense of immersion in the chosen genre.
For band 4:
•Writing is shaped by an assured awareness of purpose and audience throughout
•Subject matter/ideas presented in an appropriately sustained way; assured
judgements made about the impact of depth/detail on readers’ engagement
•Assured and confident control and crafting of language, with words’ effects
deliberately worked for
•Confident and skilful use of form, with assured absorption of generic elements.
What is “crafting”?
What do you do when you “craft” something?
In pairs, analyse Dave Smith’s word choices in ‘A Cake By Any
Other Name’
For each of these words, be able to explain the possible reasons why the
writer chose it, as opposed to any other word. This reason could be
something to do with:
a) The way that word ties in with words from the same semantic field
b) The way that word maintains the writer’s chosen style/tone/attitude
c) The effect of that word on the reader – e.g. To create humour, to have
impact, to make an ironic tone, to arouse negative connotations, etc.
suggests the writer’s
tone – witty, cheeky,
sardonic. Sounds a bit
like he’s saying this to
us. Introducing himself.
Here Dave chooses a word
which makes him sound
closer to his readers’
viewpoint (women worried
about the calories and
ingredients in their food)
British life is dominated by the motor vehicle, and
thus dominated by roads. It is no accident that
people have long referred to main roads as “arterial
routes”; as an analogy, there is mileage in it. When
you next fly in a plane, cast your eye over the road
network with its countless little metal-boxes-onwheels racing along like cells in the bloodstream, to
get to the motorway or to get home; and what is
home but an origin or terminus for the daily
commute? Look out over those new housing
developments, carefully planned with their
multitudinous cul-de-sac alveoli feeding cars out into
the capillaries which supply those proud arteries.
But happen to fly over any city at the ironically
named “rush hour” and you see Britain’s blood
supply for what it really is: a sticky mess, with clots
and embolisms in a diseased body that is looking at a
seriously expensive health insurance premium.
Words from the
semantic field of
anatomy – the
vascular system
This section of
writing is
coherent
Because all
these words fit
with the analogy
of roads=arteries
Now, insert your piece of writing into the folded mark
scheme and pass it to your peer (this doesn’t mean
automatically passing it to a mate who will feel obliged to
automatically give you a good mark!)
Mark the piece you receive for AO3 Communicating
clearly/using forms (the first column on the mark
scheme)
It helps to annotate the work itself (in pencil) to show
what features you’ve spotted that help you to decide the
mark. It also helps to highlight the mark scheme to show
the level the candidate is working at.
AO3ii organising information and ideas:
Band 5
• High levels of text coherence; a strong sense of the text’s
wholeness
• Paragraphs complement and fully support the purpose and thrust
of the piece
• Cohesive features embedded throughout; sophisticated and
impressively used.
Band 4
• Well-constructed and assured whole text shaping
• Uses structural/organisational devices to clarify and support
purpose, and to navigate readers through the writing
• Wider range of discourse markers and cohesive ties to heighten
fluency
How is Dave Smith’s writing structured?
It’s hard not to over eat when food is
described so enticingly on menus
Past
Enjoying food wasn’t a priority for Prehistoric humans
I’m going to blame the Romans for starting the trend of describing
food in an overly elaborate, indulgent and enticing way
It’s still going on today – even my local cafe is doing it
Present
future
From Bill Bryson’s Notes From a Small Island
Now everyone drives everywhere for everything, which I
don’t understand because there isn’t a single feature of
driving in Britain that has even the tiniest measure of
enjoyment in it. Just consider the average multi-storey car
park. You drive around for ages, and then spend a small
eternity shunting into a space that is exactly two inches
wider than the average car. Then, because you are parked
next to a pillar, you have to climb over the seats and end up
squeezing butt-first out of the passenger door, in the process
transferring all the dirt from the side of your car to the back
of your smart new jacket from Marks & Spencer. Then you
go hunting for some distant pay-and-display machine, which
doesn’t make change or accept any coin introduced since
1976, and wait on an old guy who likes to read all the
instructions on the machine before committing himself and
tries to insert his money through the ticket slot and
maintenance keyhole.
Eventually you acquire a ticket and trek back to your car
where your wife greets you with a ‘where have you been?’
Ignoring her, you squeeze past the pillar, collecting a
matching set of dust for the front of your jacket, discover
that you can’t reach the windscreen as the door only opens
three inches, so you just sort of throw the ticket at the
dashboard (it flutters to the floor but your wife doesn’t
notice so you say ‘**** it’, and lock the door), and squeeze
back out where your wife sees what a scruff you’ve turned
yourself into after she spent all that time dressing you and
beats the dust from you with paddled hands while saying,
‘Honestly, I can’t take you anywhere.’
And that’s just the beginning. Arguing quietly, you have to
find your way out of this dank hellhole via an unmarked
door leading to a curious chamber that seems to be a
composite of dungeon and urinal, or else wait two hours
for the world’s most abused and unreliable looking lift,
which will take only two people and already has two
people in it – a man whose wife is beating dust from his
new Marks & Spencer jacket and berating him in clucking
tones.
And the remarkable thing is that everything about this
process is intentionally – mark this, intentionally –
designed to flood your life with unhappiness. From the
tiny parking bays that can only be got into by manoeuvring
your car through a forty-six point turn (why can’t the
spaces be angled, for crying out loud?) to the careful
placing of pillars where they will cause maximum
obstruction, to the ramps that are so dark and narrow and
badly angled that you always bump the kerb, to the
remote, wilfully unhelpful ticket machines (you can’t tell
me that a machine that can recognize and reject any
foreign coin ever produced couldn’t make change if it
wanted to) – all of this is designed to make this the most
dispiriting experience of your adult life. Did you know –
this is a little-known fact but absolute truth – that when
they dedicate a new multi-storey car park the Lord Mayor
and his wife have a ceremonial pee in the stairwell? It’s
true.
And that’s just one tiny part of the driving experience.
From Bill Bryson’s Notes From a Small Island
Now everyone drives everywhere for everything, which I
don’t understand because there isn’t a single feature of
driving in Britain that has even the tiniest measure of
enjoyment in it. Just consider the average multi-storey car
park. You drive around for ages, and then spend a small
eternity shunting into a space that is exactly two inches
wider than the average car. Then, because you are parked
next to a pillar, you have to climb over the seats and end up
squeezing butt-first out of the passenger door, in the process
transferring all the dirt from the side of your car to the back
jacket
from
& Spencer.
of your new
smart new
jacket
from Marks
Marks & Spencer.
Then you
go hunting for some distant pay-and-display machine, which
doesn’t make change or accept any coin introduced since
1976, and wait on an old guy who likes to read all the
instructions on the machine before committing himself and
tries to insert his money through the ticket slot and
maintenance keyhole.
Eventually you acquire a ticket and trek back to your car
where your wife greets you with a ‘where have you been?’
Ignoring her, you squeeze past the pillar, collecting a
front
jacket
matching set of dustthe
for the
frontof
of your
your jacket,
discover
that you can’t reach the windscreen as the door only opens
three inches, so you just sort of throw the ticket at the
dashboard (it flutters to the floor but your wife doesn’t
notice so you say ‘**** it’, and lock the door), and squeeze
back out where your wife sees what a scruff you’ve turned
yourself into after she spent all that time dressing you and
beats the dust from you with paddled hands while saying,
‘Honestly, I can’t take you anywhere.’
And that’s just the beginning. Arguing quietly, you have to
find your way out of this dank hellhole via an unmarked
door leading to a curious chamber that seems to be a
composite of dungeon and urinal, or else wait two hours
for the world’s most abused and unreliable looking lift,
which will take only two people and already has two
people in it – a man whose wife is beating dust from his
new
Spencer
newMarks
Marks & &
Spencer
jacket jacket
and berating him in clucking
tones.
And the remarkable thing is that everything about this
process is intentionally – mark this, intentionally –
designed to flood your life with unhappiness. From the
tiny parking bays that can only be got into by manoeuvring
your car through a forty-six point turn (why can’t the
spaces be angled, for crying out loud?) to the careful
placing of pillars where they will cause maximum
obstruction, to the ramps that are so dark and narrow and
badly angled that you always bump the kerb, to the
remote, wilfully unhelpful ticket machines (you can’t tell
me that a machine that can recognize and reject any
foreign coin ever produced couldn’t make change if it
wanted to) – all of this is designed to make this the most
dispiriting experience of your adult life. Did you know –
this is a little-known fact but absolute truth – that when
they dedicate a new multi-storey car park the Lord Mayor
and his wife have a ceremonial pee in the stairwell? It’s
true.
And that’s just one tiny part of the driving experience.
How does he round off?
Motorized vehicles are ugly and dirty
and they bring out the worst in
people. They clutter every kerbside,
turn ancient market squares into
disorderly jumbles of metal, spawn
petrol stations, second-hand car lots,
Kwik-Fit centres and other dispiriting
blights. They are horrible and awful
and I wanted nothing to do with
them on this trip. And besides, my
wife wouldn’t let me have the car.
How does he round off?
Motorized vehicles are ugly and dirty
and they bring out the worst in
people. They clutter every kerbside,
turn ancient market squares into
disorderly jumbles of metal, spawn
petrol stations, second-hand car lots,
Kwik-Fit centres and other dispiriting
blights. They are horrible and awful
and I wanted nothing to do with
them on this trip. And besides, my
wife wouldn’t let me have the car.
Now, insert your own piece of writing into the folded
mark scheme and pass it to your peer (this doesn’t
mean automatically passing it to a mate who will feel
obliged to automatically give you a good mark!)
Mark the piece you receive for AO3 organising
information and ideas (the second column on the
mark scheme) Ask “does it flow?” “Does it sound like
one consistent voice is talking to me?”, and “Does it
gel together?”
It helps to annotate the work itself (in pencil) to show
what features you’ve spotted that help you to decide
the mark. It also helps to highlight the mark scheme
to show the level the candidate is working at.
Dn’t get me started on …!
Peer Marking for Controlled Assessment
Knowing how to do well.
Setting personal targets What do I need to do on Tuesday?
Objectives:
• To understand the criteria for a successful writing
piece, with particular focus on using sentences and
writing accurately
• To write personal targets for success so that you ‘hit’
higher criteria.
Dn’t get me started on …!
AO3 iii Using sentence structures/writing accurately
Band 5:
•Varied and sophisticated sentence structures used to impressive
effect
•Uses a range of punctuation highly purposefully and effectively;
punctuation is another means to heighten impact of writing
•Spelling is almost always accurate; accurate spelling of specialist
or less commonplace vocabulary; impressive control over even
highly irregular spellings
Band 4:
•Phrase and sentence constructions self-consciously crafted for
effect
•Full range of punctuation marks used assuredly and accurately
•Few spelling lapses; near misses with some unfamiliar words, but
only very occasionally.
Dn’t get me started on …!
AO3 iii Using sentence structures/writing accurately
Band 5:
•Varied and sophisticated sentence structures used to impressive
effect
•Uses a range of punctuation highly purposefully and effectively;
punctuation is another means to heighten impact
writing
It’sofour
old
•Spelling is almost always accurate; accurate spelling of specialist
friendover
crafting
or less commonplace vocabulary; impressive control
even
highly irregular spellings
again!
Band 4:
•Phrase and sentence constructions self-consciously crafted for
effect
•Full range of punctuation marks used assuredly and accurately
•Few spelling lapses; near misses with some unfamiliar words, but
only very occasionally.
Shadowy, old
castle
Wild-looking
As I approached
trees
Craggy, broken
rocks – a
dangerous drop
A lone figure –
very small
in a
the castle wall with its time-eaten masonry
and
could sense an awful dormant power threatening
place
grim ramparts, I
thundering beneath its ancient foundations.
Wild water –
nature seems
powerful
Large amounts
of shadow
First some important reminders:
• Use the full range of punctuation marks
• when you ask a rhetorical question (which would be a good idea), do end it with
a question mark!
• Do use the semi colon. It is a wonderful little punctuation mark and so
underappreciated by people; personally, I don’t know where I’d be without it.
• Do show that you can use complex sentences with the subordinate clause in a
variety of positions
• and use a variety of discourse markers
• And use brackets and dashes for parenthesis (e.g. adding a phrase to modify or
explain what you’re saying in a sentence)
• And if you value your life, avoid the dreaded ...
Comma splice!
Shopping in catalogue shops is addictive, after
you’ve done it once, your world will never be
same.
You could solve this with a conjunction, or show that
you can use a range of punctuation, by using our little
friend:
Shopping in catalogue shops is addictive; after
you’ve done it once, your world will never be
same.
Dashes for
parenthesis
Ridiculous image of
devil entering a career
in retail is left to the
end of the sentence as
a subordinate clause.
Like a punch-line.
In pairs, quickly analyse the pupil’s rant about catalogue shops
Scan read for a sentence –or combination of sentences - which you think
shows signs of being ‘crafted’; i.e. the writer must have thought carefully
about the length and organisation of that particular sentence. Be
prepared to report back and explain what effect you think he/she was
aiming for.
Possible effects:
•Deliberately using a long sentence with multiple clauses to build up a
sense of exasperation, impatience, or for comedic effect (i.e. hyperbole)
•Deliberately using a short sentence to suggest finality or extra emphasis
•Putting a subordinate clause inside the main clause as an “aside” to show
doubt/scepticism or to make a remark sound ironic or funny
•Using punctuation to mimic the phrasing of spoken language, to make the
reader feel as if you are talking to them
You cannot work, you cannot
sleep, you cannot concentrate on
anything at all...and when you
do, you have nightmares about
your lovely new dinning table
arriving with a scratched top –
and then having to send it back,
and wait again for another to be
delivered. Such agony cannot be
humane.
Long sentence to
emphasise painful
and laborious
process
Followed by short
simple sentence
for impact and
humour (also
carries hyperbole)
Don’t feel so smug. I know
you want those attractive
looking watches, and –face it
– you’ve considered going
there for a birthday present
for your partner. Yeah,
they’ll really love you for that
cheap gold effect ring that is
instantly recognisable to any
person with any taste as a
piece of tacky tat.
Punctuation and
sentence structure
(phrasing) shows the
way this person might
sound if they were
ranting at you
verbally!
And the remarkable thing is that everything
about this process is intentionally – mark this,
intentionally – designed to flood your life with
unhappiness. From the tiny parking bays that
can only be got into by manoeuvring your car
through a forty-six point turn (why can’t the
spaces be angled, for crying out loud?) to the
careful placing of pillars where they will cause
maximum obstruction, to the ramps that are
so dark and narrow and badly angled that you
always bump the kerb, to the remote, wilfully
unhelpful ticket machines (you can’t tell me
that a machine that can recognize and reject
any foreign coin ever produced couldn’t make
change if it wanted to) – all of this is designed
to make this the most dispiriting experience of
your adult life. Did you know – this is a littleknown fact but absolute truth – that when
they dedicate a new multi-storey car park the
Lord Mayor and his wife have a ceremonial pee
in the stairwell? It’s true.
List of objections in a
very long sentence,
giving a sense of
irritation boiling over
and frustration building
up.
Now, insert your piece of writing into the folded mark
scheme and pass it to your peer (this doesn’t mean
automatically passing it to a mate who will feel
obliged to automatically give you a good mark!)
Mark the piece you receive for AO3iii using sentence
structures/writing accurately (the last column on the
mark scheme).
It helps to annotate the work itself (in pencil) to show
what features you’ve spotted that help you to decide
the mark. It also helps to highlight the mark scheme
to show the level the candidate is working at.
Plenary
Fill in your targets for doing well in Tuesday’s CA
Homework
Finish your notes sheet for Tuesday’s CA. (You do not
have to use CC’s template idea, but if you want to,
it’ll be in your inbox and on the wikispace, as will this
powerpoint)
Even though I loath them, there’s no getting around the
fact that catalogue shops are among the most successful
of British businesses.
There’s no getting around the fact that catalogue shops,
even though I loath them, are among the most
successful of British businesses.
There’s no getting around the fact that catalogue shops
are among the most successful of British businesses,
even though I loath them.
Subordinate clause
back
Furthering
Arguments
Counter
Arguments
Sequencing
Arguments
Concluding
Arguments
Many people
believe…
In addition to this…
Similarly…
Equally…
Likewise…
Also…
As well as (this)…
Moreover…
What’s more...
Further more…
In the same way…
This can also be (seen
to be) true in…
Just as…
In the same way…
For example…
For instance…
By the same token…
Likewise…
Others might argue…
Conversely…
However…
Although…
On the other hand…
Whereas…
When measured against…
Contrasting with…
On the contrary…
Nevertheless…
On the other hand…
In comparison…
The opposite effect is created
in…
Nonetheless…
Yet…
Corresponding with this…
Correspondingly…
On the contrary…
In opposition to this…
In spite of this…
To begin with…
In the first
place...
First and
foremost….
Primarily…
Firstly…
Secondly…
Thirdly…
Lastly…
Finally…
After this it can
be seen….
Naturally…
Of course…
Admittedly…
Certainly…
In conclusion…
Finally…
Consequently…
When all (of these)
factors are taken in
to account…
Subsequently…
Therefore...
Thus...
We can conclude
that...
Finally, it can be
seen…
Emphasis
Above all...
Essentially...
Clearly...
Most of all...
Especially....
Primarily....
Particularly...
In large....
Illustration/
Exemplification
Contrast
But...
For example...
Despite...
For instance...
Yet...
Specifically...
However...
With regards to...
Alternatively...
To illustrate...
Still...
Such as...
Although...
In the words of (expert)... Unless...
According to (expert)...
Otherwise...
As (expert) says....
By contrast...
Notwithstanding...
Rather...
Contrarily....
back
Evidence
Which is evident in/
because...
...can be seen to be
true.
We can see that...
This is obvious...
Obviously...
The British are not known for
having a national dance of any
merit, but it might as well be
the old clutch in-brake-clutch
out footwork that we have
willingly (or slavishly) become
so adept at.
Word in brackets
cheekily suggests what
the writer really thinks
Experts who have ‘done the math’
put a conservative estimate on it in
the region of 2.8 million litres:
that’s 6000 tonnes of extra carbon
dioxide we really don’t need in the
air. Every day.
Minor sentence for
impact
Go on, I know what you’re
thinking: it’s the government’s job
to sort this mess out. Well no,
actually, that won’t wash: ministers
trying to implement measures to
reduce car pollution and
congestion fight a futile battle
against the motoring lobby and the
sheer inertia of the British
addiction to cars - as futile as the
battle that splatted fly picked with
your windscreen, having the nerve
to buzz its way into your path.
Punctuation and
sentence structure
(phrasing) shows the
way I might speak if
I’m ranting at you
verbally!
The British are not known for
having a national dance of any
merit, but it might as well be
the old clutch in-brake-clutch
out footwork that we have
willingly (or slavishly) become
so adept at.
Word in brackets
cheekily suggests what
the writer really thinks
Experts who have ‘done the math’
put a conservative estimate on it in
the region of 2.8 million litres:
that’s 6000 tonnes of extra carbon
dioxide we really don’t need in the
air. Every day.
Minor sentence for
impact